The Ego claws of Menopause

The Ego claws of Menopause...


Ego & Menopause

Menopause must be the time for the ego to shine and get nasty....lol 

I feel its claws clinging in to me now.  I am actually looking for reasons to feel sorry for myself...and I am finding them...lol. 

After all the work I do to get beyond this old ego of mine...anticipating that this life transition will enlighten me and make the ego slip away with the hormones that are taking the last train out of here...it pops up and says, "You can't get rid of me that fast!  So sister...what do you think about the fact that no one remembers you...that you are forever being excluded from things as if you were insignificant piece of dust? Let's go back and recall all the times you were forgotten, neglected. excluded.  Who was there when you really needed someone?  Who really cares about you? People only want you to be there for them. When the chips are down...who is there for you?  " 

Oh it went on and on...listening to that chitter chatter in my head.  And not just listening ...going back and digging for proof of this neglect and exclusion. ...seeking a reason to be justifiably hurt. Is that not crazy or what? 

Ego at work

This is ego at work.  I watch it...the observer in me watches it...sees what I am doing...sees a small innocent mistake that was not intentional at all ...watches as the ego grabs on to that mistake and dangles it before my exhausted mind like a carrot leading me off on a tangent.  I watch the emotional reaction...the mental reaction and my inner being say, "What the %^&* are you doing woman?  Why would you want to go there?"  Still there I went.  

So I observed it all and it is pretty cool to look at your self from this type of awareness.  But I must say it was a challenge to slow the ego down...it wanted drama...guilt and pity from others stirred into the pot.

I just continued to observe...recognizing ego for what it was...recognizing that the hormone fluctuations and my exhaustion are playing a part in my reaction...accepting it and eventually...getting above ego to an acceptance of what is...with a certain degree of peace.   It is just amazing to watch how fast ego can go off on a tangent creating a snowball effect.

Anyway...I controlled the drama...the emotional reaction...and the spiritual one to some extent.  I now walk away a little wiser, a little more aware  of just how much ego is still in me.  At least that prepares for the months ahead of me during this miraculous transition.  Ego claws are nasty but I can remove them.

All is well