What is timeless is always there, because its being is eternally changeless.
ACIM-T-7:7:9
Been a Little Uneasy
I have been feeling a little uneasy about my time here over the last few weeks. For some reason, instead of taking the usual hour to get all my thoughts down in an entry, lately it has been taking up to four hours per entry. And I have been struggling to articulate what it is I am learning in that time. It isn't just flowing out like it usually does.
There has been so much wonderful learning...why cannot I not get it all down?
Okay...I know I have a sleep deprived, menopausal brain that has been on the last to receive end of a slowed cardiac output ( ticker has been acting up a bit)...so that could physiologically explain why I am challenged to write. I am okay with that but something tells me it is more than that. I am questioning if there is a "bigger" reason why Grace & Ease keep stepping out for extra breaks.
Best Use of Time an Energy?
Am I making the best use of the time and energy I have to best serve at this time? Sounds so dramatic, doesn't it? But seriously...am I? Is there some better way I can serve in these four hours I spend on this everyday? I believe this message is so important but I also know so few are ready to hear it and would more than likely be best off hearing it, if they are ready, from someone other than me. (Like from experts, and those dharma teachers and wise individuals I cite at the end of an entry). And if it is not coming up fluidly...what does that mean?
I have been averaging about 25 readers a day, according to my stats but I really cannot depend on those stats because it doesn't register some who tell me they are checking in and some who say they have been "subscribing" for years when my stats consistently show "no followers". So it is confusing. I still get a bit of spam despite all the spam filters...so I am never sure the people, stats are reporting, are actually readers or whatever. So it is confusing.
Like I said before, the number of people who read this...is not important. If I get through to one individual ...it is worth it. Right now the biggest readership is coming from Turkmenistan, an Asian country, once part of the Soviet Republic on the Caspian sea. Of its close to six million people, I may only be getting one reader but if the stats are correct and you are reading this sincerely everyday...thank you! If you have other agendas...please let them be ones that will benefit you and others while doing no harm. I say that to all who tap into this site. I am so grateful and so hopeful that this learning I express here will be received with the intention that I send it out.
Anyway...I digress. What I wanted to say is...I am wondering if at least some of my time here could be best spent elsewhere.
I do have a full life away from the blog, especially when I am only here for an hour or so a day...I take care of household matters, cooking, baking bread, yoga, loving and caring for family members, pets, reading, studying, walking, appreciating and shooting the life around me (though I have not had a camera in my hands for a while) and I do watch Netflix for a couple of hours a night. Still, I question if I am doing enough and what I am supposed to do or am I "hiding out"? When the time spent here goes beyond a couple of hours I really feel like I might be beacsue other things get neglected.
We all have something unique we are to "do" right? I am quite sure I am to write but what? I had that call to poetry a week ago and I never really followed it with the exception of getting a chap book out...it wasn't enough. Now I feel I have to get another one out? And I am remembering, in those sleepless hours of the night, all the other things I promised to write, intended to write, started writing ( some over half way done) that I put aside to come here . I am thinking of all teh stuff I have written that needs to go back on the submission train. Hmm! I am remembering all this for a reason.
Maybe It is a Habit That Doesn't Serve
And as she usually does, Serendipity stepped in this morning as I was listening to the dharma talk below about habits that sometimes get in the way of our collective turning and awakening. I started to question if my coming here is more of a habit that serves the ego, rather than a step toward this collective awakening as it was intended? Is it a crutch that stops me from stepping up as the writer I am meant to be? Am I to serve in a different area than writing? Or as a writer in a different way?
I don't know. I know for sure I am not going to stop coming here but I am going to come less often. I am going to explore the world of living and writing outside this page a little more deeply. I will come here 2-3 of times a week rather than everyday. It is like cutting back on beloved spicy food...to see if that is the cause of ones uneasy stomach? An experiment! Now...I have done this experiment before...I keep coming back, don't I?
But this uneasiness I have been having is here for a reason. I must recognize it, accept it, embrace it, look into and gain the insight it is offering . So I leave here to step into the nursery where it is crying...I will pick the baby up and we will go from there.
I am not leaving. I will be back.
All is well.
Plum Village/ Deer Park Monastery ( March 23, 2020) A Time of Collective Turning/Thay Pap Ho. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mL_sD-SPjO0
Wednesday, April 29, 2020
Tuesday, April 28, 2020
Going Inside
If you can't go outside; go inside.
-Unknown ( from listed video below)
I was inspired today by a lovely dharma talk from "Brother Freedom" (see link below) and by this gut feeling I have been having about this pandemic. I came up with two suggestions I want to share
Don't step out of the bubble too soon!
Don't let it in!
Huh?
Don't Leave the Bubble Too Soon
I can understand people are getting tired of being cooped up inside. It effects individual well being. People need people, right?
And there are many individuals out there with mental illness who need it more than most and they now do not have access to personal contact with support systems.
There are elderly individuals reaching the end of their lives who are missing out on precious time with loved ones. Some who, because of a lack of social stimulation , are deteriorating emotionally, cognitively and physically.
I also know that this forced social isolation is wreaking havoc in other systems like the economy, small business, and social programs.
Of course, our acute care and long term care health systems are being overtaxed...our health care professionals overworked and over stressed.
And what about addiction? I know of individuals who desperately, desperately need rehabilitation and have been literally waiting for over a year to get into a program and now it is delayed indefinitely. And could this type of isolation lead the recreational users to over use and abuse in order to numb from the boredom? I see it happening.
We will not understand the full cost of this global shut down until it is completely lifted but we do know it is costly.
Yes it is hard...so, so hard on the world that is kept in the bubble pandemic containment requires. We want out! And sometimes, we tell ourselves many things to get out.
But...you knew there was a but coming , right?
We can not come out too soon!
I am especially concerned about my province loosening up too quickly on its regulations. I have a strong feeling, and I don't know why, I just do...that we are going to hit a spike in early May...a sign that we came out too soon.
There has been no new cases in the last few days...wonderful news! We have only a little over 100 confirmed cases in my province, all but six of them fully recovered, no deaths. That seems like wonderful news and it is...but it doesn't mean we are out of the woods. Especially considering the province next to us has almost 26,000 cases. (Of course...these numbers seem so tiny compared to the States but it has to be understood how rural much of Canada is in comparison to the congested urban centers of the U.S. that are reporting much greater numbers.).
Anyway...the fact that we have so few cases leaves me a little uneasy. I believe, as I have said before, that the virus has to pass through us and it seems that it just went around us. If this virus is like most viruses ...in order to reduce its impact we need herd immunity. We only get herd immunity with the production of antibodies either naturally ( by people getting sick and recovering) or artificially (by vaccines). We haven't enough of either.
Part of me says, "More healthy people have to get sick," and at the same time I recognize the danger in that. We do not know how this virus will behave because it is so new and we do not know enough about it. We cannot guarantee that infected once- healthy people will not get sick enough to need a ventilator and if that happens we might over tax our health care system thus leading to more morbidity and mortality in the long run.
Part of me also says, "Let the people who had the virus and who recovered out and about". But we cannot say for sure that this virus will lead to the same immunological responses other viruses lead to. Maybe our immune cells will not "remember" the antigen, making any antibody production useless, and leading to repeated infections in the same person.
Part of me says, "Just let it happen. Let's take our chances and let nature do what she needs to do! Let the virus pass through us." Of course I regret that as soon as I say that. One life lost when it doesn't have to be is too much and the effects of an uncontained virus without appropriate antivirals or vaccines could be too detrimental to even imagine.
So it is all a risk. Getting out of the bubble too soon might do more harm than good. Maybe ...we can slowly leak people out a bit at a time and closely monitor? Or maybe we just have to wait until we have the antivirals and vaccines to fall back on?
Anyway, let's not be in a hurry to get out too soon.
Don't let it in
Of course, I am not just talking about not letting the actual virus into our physical homes but also not letting the fear, anxiety, frustration related to the virus into the home the Self offers us. (check out the video below).
We can make a home refuge within our minds... a place that is spacious and inviting, still and quiet. We do not need to overload our minds with COVID-19 news. We can close the mental window on that for most of the day. If you feel inclined to...open it up once a day.
I myself do not listen to the news ( I didn't before COVID and I don't now.) Surprisingly, I still know what is going on in the world around me. I don't do social media anymore nor do I have my phone with me much of the time. I don't actively seek the news. It comes to me when it is necessary. I will check in with others who know once every 2-3 days to find out what is going on. Sometimes people will fill me in, in our conversations without my request. I get all the news I need about this pandemic and for the rest of my time I do not dwell on it.
I follow protocol. I teach others. I have "rules" in my house that I enforce so the virus does not come in, and so that others do not take it out if by chance it does enter. I meditate and pray for all those suffering because of it once or twice a day. But I I do not spend much of my mental energy on COVID-19 . I do not let COVID-19 in. I keep my refuge as pure as I can.
How?
By doing as the above quote suggests. I go inside. I find the imperturbable spaciousness inside and I relax in that. My mind shuts the windows that lead outside and relaxes in that space as well.
Works for me and I am confident it will work for you. We might not be able to go outside for a while. Let's all try going inside instead.
All is well
Plum Village ( March 27, 2020)Be a Home For Yourself/ Br Ngo Khong https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jveH-VUC8po
-Unknown ( from listed video below)
I was inspired today by a lovely dharma talk from "Brother Freedom" (see link below) and by this gut feeling I have been having about this pandemic. I came up with two suggestions I want to share
Don't step out of the bubble too soon!
Don't let it in!
Huh?
Don't Leave the Bubble Too Soon
I can understand people are getting tired of being cooped up inside. It effects individual well being. People need people, right?
And there are many individuals out there with mental illness who need it more than most and they now do not have access to personal contact with support systems.
There are elderly individuals reaching the end of their lives who are missing out on precious time with loved ones. Some who, because of a lack of social stimulation , are deteriorating emotionally, cognitively and physically.
I also know that this forced social isolation is wreaking havoc in other systems like the economy, small business, and social programs.
Of course, our acute care and long term care health systems are being overtaxed...our health care professionals overworked and over stressed.
And what about addiction? I know of individuals who desperately, desperately need rehabilitation and have been literally waiting for over a year to get into a program and now it is delayed indefinitely. And could this type of isolation lead the recreational users to over use and abuse in order to numb from the boredom? I see it happening.
We will not understand the full cost of this global shut down until it is completely lifted but we do know it is costly.
Yes it is hard...so, so hard on the world that is kept in the bubble pandemic containment requires. We want out! And sometimes, we tell ourselves many things to get out.
But...you knew there was a but coming , right?
We can not come out too soon!
I am especially concerned about my province loosening up too quickly on its regulations. I have a strong feeling, and I don't know why, I just do...that we are going to hit a spike in early May...a sign that we came out too soon.
There has been no new cases in the last few days...wonderful news! We have only a little over 100 confirmed cases in my province, all but six of them fully recovered, no deaths. That seems like wonderful news and it is...but it doesn't mean we are out of the woods. Especially considering the province next to us has almost 26,000 cases. (Of course...these numbers seem so tiny compared to the States but it has to be understood how rural much of Canada is in comparison to the congested urban centers of the U.S. that are reporting much greater numbers.).
Anyway...the fact that we have so few cases leaves me a little uneasy. I believe, as I have said before, that the virus has to pass through us and it seems that it just went around us. If this virus is like most viruses ...in order to reduce its impact we need herd immunity. We only get herd immunity with the production of antibodies either naturally ( by people getting sick and recovering) or artificially (by vaccines). We haven't enough of either.
Part of me says, "More healthy people have to get sick," and at the same time I recognize the danger in that. We do not know how this virus will behave because it is so new and we do not know enough about it. We cannot guarantee that infected once- healthy people will not get sick enough to need a ventilator and if that happens we might over tax our health care system thus leading to more morbidity and mortality in the long run.
Part of me also says, "Let the people who had the virus and who recovered out and about". But we cannot say for sure that this virus will lead to the same immunological responses other viruses lead to. Maybe our immune cells will not "remember" the antigen, making any antibody production useless, and leading to repeated infections in the same person.
Part of me says, "Just let it happen. Let's take our chances and let nature do what she needs to do! Let the virus pass through us." Of course I regret that as soon as I say that. One life lost when it doesn't have to be is too much and the effects of an uncontained virus without appropriate antivirals or vaccines could be too detrimental to even imagine.
So it is all a risk. Getting out of the bubble too soon might do more harm than good. Maybe ...we can slowly leak people out a bit at a time and closely monitor? Or maybe we just have to wait until we have the antivirals and vaccines to fall back on?
Anyway, let's not be in a hurry to get out too soon.
Don't let it in
Of course, I am not just talking about not letting the actual virus into our physical homes but also not letting the fear, anxiety, frustration related to the virus into the home the Self offers us. (check out the video below).
We can make a home refuge within our minds... a place that is spacious and inviting, still and quiet. We do not need to overload our minds with COVID-19 news. We can close the mental window on that for most of the day. If you feel inclined to...open it up once a day.
I myself do not listen to the news ( I didn't before COVID and I don't now.) Surprisingly, I still know what is going on in the world around me. I don't do social media anymore nor do I have my phone with me much of the time. I don't actively seek the news. It comes to me when it is necessary. I will check in with others who know once every 2-3 days to find out what is going on. Sometimes people will fill me in, in our conversations without my request. I get all the news I need about this pandemic and for the rest of my time I do not dwell on it.
I follow protocol. I teach others. I have "rules" in my house that I enforce so the virus does not come in, and so that others do not take it out if by chance it does enter. I meditate and pray for all those suffering because of it once or twice a day. But I I do not spend much of my mental energy on COVID-19 . I do not let COVID-19 in. I keep my refuge as pure as I can.
How?
By doing as the above quote suggests. I go inside. I find the imperturbable spaciousness inside and I relax in that. My mind shuts the windows that lead outside and relaxes in that space as well.
Works for me and I am confident it will work for you. We might not be able to go outside for a while. Let's all try going inside instead.
All is well
Plum Village ( March 27, 2020)Be a Home For Yourself/ Br Ngo Khong https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jveH-VUC8po
Monday, April 27, 2020
No Effort Required
No effort is required for awareness to know Itself. In fact, any effort would take it away from Itself.
Rupert Spira, Being Aware of Being Aware, pg. 24
I am going to throw a few words and phrases at you:
You might react to each of these words in a common way. You might dislike them. Find them to be unpleasant. Label them as negative and determine them to be something that should be avoided. Am I right? None of these words are something that you would actively seek in a worldly experience are they?
What if I told you that all had something in common? These words that represent certain experiences are absolutely necessary in some form or another for your growth, your transformation, and your evolution. Do you buy into that? If so do these words still ring with the same negative connotation then?
Let me remind you, first of all...that words are just pointers...leading to an experience beyond the image or concept the word evokes. But in order to understand that experience from the limited mind we will have to understand the words the mind limits experience to.
Disorder, Chaos
When we think of these words we might think of a mess, something horrid beyond our control. We might imagine a disaster of some kind with things all blown out of order, scattering this way and that in random fashion. We might think of something we have no control over taking over our experience. This can lead to feelings of repulsion, fear or even panic. Needing to feel in control, safe within our little comfort zones, we may assume it is important to avoid disorder and chaos at all costs.
Yet chaos is unavoidable. Crazy mixed up things happen around us and to us all the time.
Chaos In Extreme Forms:
Our present global situation reflects chaos. Right now we are in the middle of a pandemic....and the beginning of a subsequent economic crisis. The ultimate form of chaos that can occur in the human mind also ran amuck in a neighboring province a few weekends ago leading to the violent destruction of life and complete disequilibrium.
Disorder in Lesser Forms:
Looking around my house I see what is happening to my "actual" comfort zone. It is a mess. If I do not put great effort into maintaining some form of order...it looks the way it does now. The cats shed their fur and it lands on the furniture. The dogs track their muddy paws all over the place and if I don't chase them around the house with a mop...their is disorder on my floors. People come in and drop their shoes and outer wear at the door...disorder. If I don't close all the books I have open on my desk and around me...there is more disorder.
Chaos and Disorder Are Inevitable
Sh*& happens! Even terrible, terrible sh*& and there is little to nothing we can do stop it or control it. We can exert a great deal of energy into trying to prevent it but if we are lax in that energy even a tiny bit...chaos and disorder will prevail. Why? Because it is the natural law for things to return to chaos.
Say what crazy lady?
Entropy: the Natural Law of Chaos
I want to introduce you to another word: Entropy. Entropy is disorder and chaos. According to Merriam-Webster, Entropy is the degradation of matter and energy in the universe to an ultimate state of inert uniformity....a process of degradation or running down or a trend to disorder. It is also a very natural and necessary component in thermodynamics. It is the natural law of things, then, to return to chaos and it requires energy expenditure to resist that chaos or disorder.
We do not "like" chaos and disorder and tend to put it on our "things to avoid " list. We work real hard to create comfort zones that will protect us from it. We seek to make changes in our external world that will limit or push away chaos and disorder. We put a great deal of energy into attempting to control the world "out there" so it doesn't interfere with the world inside our comfort zones. We depend on our worlds having order so we have a sense of order inside. Push chaos and disorder away so we can be peaceful and happy.
How is that working for you? are you able to stop the world from doing the crazy things it does? How exhausted are you from trying to build better comfort zones and pushing any idea of chaos and disorder away from you? Are you completely successful in keeping order in your comfort zone?
And what about your physical body? If you see yourself as a physical body you might be doing all you can to prevent its disintegration from illness or age. You might be fearfully and chronically trying to prevent its death. How is that working for you?
Apoptosis, Decay and Disintegration
Can you prevent aging? I assure you ...you can't. I hate to tell you this but your body is constantly changing, disintegrating and gulp...dying. I am going to introduce another word to you Apoptosis. Right now, as you read this, you have billions of cells in your body dying and they will continue to do so every hour. This is Apoptosis, a natural and "orderly" planned death of cells to balance the new cells being created in cell division . Your body is constantly disintegrating, decaying and dying. As is the natural law.
Look around you... all things are doing the same. My cat is shedding hair no longer needed. She does not have the same coat she had last year...it is completely different. The trees are just starting to bud, the buds will die off to form blossoms, these blossoms will die off to form fruit and that fruit will die off to release seed. Rodents are dying in my yard, (unfortunately partly due to my cat who will not keep a bell colour on) their bodies will, with the help of billions of bacteria and other microorganisms, disintegrate and decay into the earth and that will enrich the soil with wonderful nutrients for things to grow. The world is in a constant state of dying and renewing. It is a state of evolution. As are you.
So it all looks so random and chaotic...all of that stuff in our outer experience. But it really isn't. It is following a very natural law and this natural law was devised by Something that sees and knows the order in it, even if we can't. It helps us to shed what we do not need to gain the awareness of what we do.
Death and the Dark Night of the Soul
This brings me to the last two concepts on that list I threw at you. When we define death...we need to be good and sure we are referring only to physical matter. All the laws I spoke of so far deal only with physical matter...with form, our objective experience and I guess we can include in there ...our mental constructs, thoughts and feelings. Those are the things subject to change, disorder, chaos, entropy, apoptosis, decay, disintegration and death. They are all just objective experience.
Who we really are and what is truly important, however, is exempt from these laws.
The Dark Night of the Soul occurs when we experience the uncomfortable transformation prior to getting beyond the focus of the physical world or understanding...when we begin to lose those parts of us that we do not need but have invested so heavily in ( things that helped us to build an identity of "little me") ...when we go through all this painful change and chaos and disorder that we experience and come to realize that what we perceive to be losing was not serving us anyway...that a doorway is opening for us to walk through to a higher level of evolution. Our transcending requires change...requires some disorder and chaos, a loss of what we thought was real...so we can know what it is.
No Effort Required
The necessary death of transformation is like the shedding of an outer shell so we can be with and Be...That which was always beneath that shell, beneath the chaos...unperturbed , unchanged or unaffected by any of it. And that is awareness. It requires no effort...just a letting go , a falling into the natural order of things.
Awareness never experiences its own appearance or disappearance, its own beginning or ending, its own birth or death. (Spira, page 31)
All these words that seem like things we must avoid are actually pointers to our own evolution.
All is well.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/entropy
Eckhart Tolle ( April 25, 2020) The Hidden Harmony Beneath Disorder and Chaos. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsGSBybe31g
Spira, R. ( 2017) Being Aware of Being Aware. (The essence of Meditation Series) New Harbinger. Kindle Edition
Rupert Spira, Being Aware of Being Aware, pg. 24
I am going to throw a few words and phrases at you:
- Disorder
- Chaos
- Entropy
- Apoptosis
- Decay
- Disintegrate
- Death
- Dark Night of the Soul
You might react to each of these words in a common way. You might dislike them. Find them to be unpleasant. Label them as negative and determine them to be something that should be avoided. Am I right? None of these words are something that you would actively seek in a worldly experience are they?
What if I told you that all had something in common? These words that represent certain experiences are absolutely necessary in some form or another for your growth, your transformation, and your evolution. Do you buy into that? If so do these words still ring with the same negative connotation then?
Let me remind you, first of all...that words are just pointers...leading to an experience beyond the image or concept the word evokes. But in order to understand that experience from the limited mind we will have to understand the words the mind limits experience to.
Disorder, Chaos
When we think of these words we might think of a mess, something horrid beyond our control. We might imagine a disaster of some kind with things all blown out of order, scattering this way and that in random fashion. We might think of something we have no control over taking over our experience. This can lead to feelings of repulsion, fear or even panic. Needing to feel in control, safe within our little comfort zones, we may assume it is important to avoid disorder and chaos at all costs.
Yet chaos is unavoidable. Crazy mixed up things happen around us and to us all the time.
Chaos In Extreme Forms:
Our present global situation reflects chaos. Right now we are in the middle of a pandemic....and the beginning of a subsequent economic crisis. The ultimate form of chaos that can occur in the human mind also ran amuck in a neighboring province a few weekends ago leading to the violent destruction of life and complete disequilibrium.
Disorder in Lesser Forms:
Looking around my house I see what is happening to my "actual" comfort zone. It is a mess. If I do not put great effort into maintaining some form of order...it looks the way it does now. The cats shed their fur and it lands on the furniture. The dogs track their muddy paws all over the place and if I don't chase them around the house with a mop...their is disorder on my floors. People come in and drop their shoes and outer wear at the door...disorder. If I don't close all the books I have open on my desk and around me...there is more disorder.
Chaos and Disorder Are Inevitable
Sh*& happens! Even terrible, terrible sh*& and there is little to nothing we can do stop it or control it. We can exert a great deal of energy into trying to prevent it but if we are lax in that energy even a tiny bit...chaos and disorder will prevail. Why? Because it is the natural law for things to return to chaos.
Say what crazy lady?
Entropy: the Natural Law of Chaos
I want to introduce you to another word: Entropy. Entropy is disorder and chaos. According to Merriam-Webster, Entropy is the degradation of matter and energy in the universe to an ultimate state of inert uniformity....a process of degradation or running down or a trend to disorder. It is also a very natural and necessary component in thermodynamics. It is the natural law of things, then, to return to chaos and it requires energy expenditure to resist that chaos or disorder.
We do not "like" chaos and disorder and tend to put it on our "things to avoid " list. We work real hard to create comfort zones that will protect us from it. We seek to make changes in our external world that will limit or push away chaos and disorder. We put a great deal of energy into attempting to control the world "out there" so it doesn't interfere with the world inside our comfort zones. We depend on our worlds having order so we have a sense of order inside. Push chaos and disorder away so we can be peaceful and happy.
How is that working for you? are you able to stop the world from doing the crazy things it does? How exhausted are you from trying to build better comfort zones and pushing any idea of chaos and disorder away from you? Are you completely successful in keeping order in your comfort zone?
And what about your physical body? If you see yourself as a physical body you might be doing all you can to prevent its disintegration from illness or age. You might be fearfully and chronically trying to prevent its death. How is that working for you?
Apoptosis, Decay and Disintegration
Can you prevent aging? I assure you ...you can't. I hate to tell you this but your body is constantly changing, disintegrating and gulp...dying. I am going to introduce another word to you Apoptosis. Right now, as you read this, you have billions of cells in your body dying and they will continue to do so every hour. This is Apoptosis, a natural and "orderly" planned death of cells to balance the new cells being created in cell division . Your body is constantly disintegrating, decaying and dying. As is the natural law.
Look around you... all things are doing the same. My cat is shedding hair no longer needed. She does not have the same coat she had last year...it is completely different. The trees are just starting to bud, the buds will die off to form blossoms, these blossoms will die off to form fruit and that fruit will die off to release seed. Rodents are dying in my yard, (unfortunately partly due to my cat who will not keep a bell colour on) their bodies will, with the help of billions of bacteria and other microorganisms, disintegrate and decay into the earth and that will enrich the soil with wonderful nutrients for things to grow. The world is in a constant state of dying and renewing. It is a state of evolution. As are you.
So it all looks so random and chaotic...all of that stuff in our outer experience. But it really isn't. It is following a very natural law and this natural law was devised by Something that sees and knows the order in it, even if we can't. It helps us to shed what we do not need to gain the awareness of what we do.
Death and the Dark Night of the Soul
This brings me to the last two concepts on that list I threw at you. When we define death...we need to be good and sure we are referring only to physical matter. All the laws I spoke of so far deal only with physical matter...with form, our objective experience and I guess we can include in there ...our mental constructs, thoughts and feelings. Those are the things subject to change, disorder, chaos, entropy, apoptosis, decay, disintegration and death. They are all just objective experience.
Who we really are and what is truly important, however, is exempt from these laws.
The Dark Night of the Soul occurs when we experience the uncomfortable transformation prior to getting beyond the focus of the physical world or understanding...when we begin to lose those parts of us that we do not need but have invested so heavily in ( things that helped us to build an identity of "little me") ...when we go through all this painful change and chaos and disorder that we experience and come to realize that what we perceive to be losing was not serving us anyway...that a doorway is opening for us to walk through to a higher level of evolution. Our transcending requires change...requires some disorder and chaos, a loss of what we thought was real...so we can know what it is.
No Effort Required
The necessary death of transformation is like the shedding of an outer shell so we can be with and Be...That which was always beneath that shell, beneath the chaos...unperturbed , unchanged or unaffected by any of it. And that is awareness. It requires no effort...just a letting go , a falling into the natural order of things.
Awareness never experiences its own appearance or disappearance, its own beginning or ending, its own birth or death. (Spira, page 31)
All these words that seem like things we must avoid are actually pointers to our own evolution.
All is well.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/entropy
Eckhart Tolle ( April 25, 2020) The Hidden Harmony Beneath Disorder and Chaos. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsGSBybe31g
Spira, R. ( 2017) Being Aware of Being Aware. (The essence of Meditation Series) New Harbinger. Kindle Edition
Sunday, April 26, 2020
On Offering Joy and Relieving Suffering
Offer Joy to one person in the morning, and relieve suffering of one person in the afternoon.
-Buddhist Teaching
Does your to-do list or your hourly calendar look like this: 9:15 am: offer joy; 1300h: relieve suffering?
Knowing Why We Are Here
I am quite sure it doesn't but if I were to ask what is your spiritual purpose here; what is it, do you think, God (or a higher power you identify with) wants you to do with this life you have been given... many of us would say things like: be good to others, love them, be kind, help out, etc. Would we not? Most of us believe that we are meant to bring joy and service to others ...to ease the suffering of other humans and beings...do we not? Is that not what we are taught in our religions, families, our schools and social institutions (to a lesser degree)? Do you not have that knowledge somewhere in the core of you? I am sure you do.
The Modern To-Do List
So how many things on your to-do list, your mental plan for this day are allotted to consciously bringing joy to others and relieving suffering?
Hopefully you will have something on that list like, spend time playing with daughter, or serve supper at the local shelter. But really ...is that something you allot enough priority to that it makes it on that list?
How many "other" things do you have on that list that do not bring joy to you or others, that do not relieve suffering...or may in fact...in some indirect way... lead to more suffering for others? Who are you serving with this to-do list?
Man...I am not trying to do the guilt thing. If that were the case, I would probably be more guilty than most. I remember my days of to-do listing and how everything in my daily plans seemed to be about "getting things done", "work", being "productive". If I had time...I would squeeze in something that brought joy to me or others or something that consciously helped to relieve suffering...but that was not my priority. My priority was to do and to accomplish, to keep up with this fast stream of traffic in the busy world. Is this not what the "to-do list" is all about!
Not What We Are About
It may be what the busy world we created is all about, and what the to-do list is all about but is it what we are all about? No, we know that. We know that we are here to offer joy and relieve suffering in order to make the world a better place ...we know that... but somehow it became so easy to put other things ahead of it.
We want these little separate beings we think we are, this little self-serving entity and all we closely identify with to be happy and safe, free from the unpleasantry of the world. And there is nothing wrong with that aspiration. So we commit to working hard to get there...someday. So each thing we scribble down on the piece of paper today is meant to help us get there some other day. Each action we intend to pursue is just a means to an end.
Stepping Over Today To Get To a Future Happiness
"If I get so many things checked off today", we tell ourselves, ..."then I will get that much closer to getting to where I need to be in order to be happy". "Then, maybe", we will rationalize, "I will devote myself more to humanity and the world then. For now I need to get ahead!"
So maybe we are not feeling joy and sharing joy as we do the things on that list but we are doing them so we can feel joy and share joy in the future. Right? Our intentions are probably good.
"I can't play with my five year old daughter now on this Saturday afternoon I was supposed to have off because I have to handle this business call for work to earn what I need to earn, to create the best life for her in the future...so I can have more time to play with her then."
And that is a perfectly acceptable pattern of rationalization in our world today. Perfectly normal. Normal ...yes...but is it getting us closer to what we really want...to be who we truly are which is a being who lives to bring joy and relieve suffering in this moment, which is the only time we have?
Do you think five year old Sally is thinking about the future when you tell her you have to put extra hours of work ahead of her now so you can have more time for her then? And will 25 year old Sally still want to play on the trampoline with you when you finally get and do all the things you need to bring joy to her? Or will she be inclined to tell you about how she suffered then and now because of the absence of your presence during her formative years?
Oh man...that does sound like a guilt trip, doesn't it? All I am saying is what I learned the hard way, that the time to offer joy is today. The time to help to relieve suffering is today. These are the most important things to put on any list and...it isn't about "doing". It is about being.
About Being Not Doing
Your natural state is joy, your natural state is compassion. Tap into that state and you can't help but to offer joy or relieve suffering. It is who you are. And this joy and peace and happiness you seek through all your ceaseless doing, a joy that you assume can be found somewhere up there in the future...can be found now, in this moment, and you don't have to do anything. You just have to be yourSelf.
What you offer Sally then is greater than any future lifestyle or material purchase.You offer her joy and freedom from future suffering. What you offer that homeless person with your smile, your hand reaching out, letting them know they are seen and not alone is what Mother Teresa would refer to as "the greatest gift."
By putting away our tendency to seek and do to find our peace, joy, happiness "out there" in a time that will never come and by turning inward to where that peace, joy, happiness already is, we give the greatest gift.
By being truly present as our Self in this moment, the only time there is, we show others a glimpse of That which made us and That which made them. That which made all.
All is well.
-Buddhist Teaching
Does your to-do list or your hourly calendar look like this: 9:15 am: offer joy; 1300h: relieve suffering?
Knowing Why We Are Here
I am quite sure it doesn't but if I were to ask what is your spiritual purpose here; what is it, do you think, God (or a higher power you identify with) wants you to do with this life you have been given... many of us would say things like: be good to others, love them, be kind, help out, etc. Would we not? Most of us believe that we are meant to bring joy and service to others ...to ease the suffering of other humans and beings...do we not? Is that not what we are taught in our religions, families, our schools and social institutions (to a lesser degree)? Do you not have that knowledge somewhere in the core of you? I am sure you do.
The Modern To-Do List
So how many things on your to-do list, your mental plan for this day are allotted to consciously bringing joy to others and relieving suffering?
Hopefully you will have something on that list like, spend time playing with daughter, or serve supper at the local shelter. But really ...is that something you allot enough priority to that it makes it on that list?
How many "other" things do you have on that list that do not bring joy to you or others, that do not relieve suffering...or may in fact...in some indirect way... lead to more suffering for others? Who are you serving with this to-do list?
Man...I am not trying to do the guilt thing. If that were the case, I would probably be more guilty than most. I remember my days of to-do listing and how everything in my daily plans seemed to be about "getting things done", "work", being "productive". If I had time...I would squeeze in something that brought joy to me or others or something that consciously helped to relieve suffering...but that was not my priority. My priority was to do and to accomplish, to keep up with this fast stream of traffic in the busy world. Is this not what the "to-do list" is all about!
Not What We Are About
It may be what the busy world we created is all about, and what the to-do list is all about but is it what we are all about? No, we know that. We know that we are here to offer joy and relieve suffering in order to make the world a better place ...we know that... but somehow it became so easy to put other things ahead of it.
We want these little separate beings we think we are, this little self-serving entity and all we closely identify with to be happy and safe, free from the unpleasantry of the world. And there is nothing wrong with that aspiration. So we commit to working hard to get there...someday. So each thing we scribble down on the piece of paper today is meant to help us get there some other day. Each action we intend to pursue is just a means to an end.
Stepping Over Today To Get To a Future Happiness
"If I get so many things checked off today", we tell ourselves, ..."then I will get that much closer to getting to where I need to be in order to be happy". "Then, maybe", we will rationalize, "I will devote myself more to humanity and the world then. For now I need to get ahead!"
So maybe we are not feeling joy and sharing joy as we do the things on that list but we are doing them so we can feel joy and share joy in the future. Right? Our intentions are probably good.
"I can't play with my five year old daughter now on this Saturday afternoon I was supposed to have off because I have to handle this business call for work to earn what I need to earn, to create the best life for her in the future...so I can have more time to play with her then."
And that is a perfectly acceptable pattern of rationalization in our world today. Perfectly normal. Normal ...yes...but is it getting us closer to what we really want...to be who we truly are which is a being who lives to bring joy and relieve suffering in this moment, which is the only time we have?
Do you think five year old Sally is thinking about the future when you tell her you have to put extra hours of work ahead of her now so you can have more time for her then? And will 25 year old Sally still want to play on the trampoline with you when you finally get and do all the things you need to bring joy to her? Or will she be inclined to tell you about how she suffered then and now because of the absence of your presence during her formative years?
Oh man...that does sound like a guilt trip, doesn't it? All I am saying is what I learned the hard way, that the time to offer joy is today. The time to help to relieve suffering is today. These are the most important things to put on any list and...it isn't about "doing". It is about being.
About Being Not Doing
Your natural state is joy, your natural state is compassion. Tap into that state and you can't help but to offer joy or relieve suffering. It is who you are. And this joy and peace and happiness you seek through all your ceaseless doing, a joy that you assume can be found somewhere up there in the future...can be found now, in this moment, and you don't have to do anything. You just have to be yourSelf.
What you offer Sally then is greater than any future lifestyle or material purchase.You offer her joy and freedom from future suffering. What you offer that homeless person with your smile, your hand reaching out, letting them know they are seen and not alone is what Mother Teresa would refer to as "the greatest gift."
By putting away our tendency to seek and do to find our peace, joy, happiness "out there" in a time that will never come and by turning inward to where that peace, joy, happiness already is, we give the greatest gift.
By being truly present as our Self in this moment, the only time there is, we show others a glimpse of That which made us and That which made them. That which made all.
All is well.
Saturday, April 25, 2020
The Natural State
Happiness is our essential nature, apparently eclipsed and obscured much of the time by the clamour of objective experience but never completely extinguished by it.
Rupert Spira, page 6
So I am about to share some learning that was gained from reading Being Aware of Being Aware by Rupert Spira. First of all, I am going to encourage you to read the book yourself and again, to take my interpretation and shared learning with a grain of salt. This is the type of thing, I firmly believe, that has to resonate internally before it is accepted.
What the book offers is not necessarily new learning or the sharing of novel knowledge. I have heard it all before in one way or another. I have studied similar teachings, absorbed it from several previous teachers and have then regurgitated it all over the page here in one form another over the years. It is not new learning. It is actually quite ancient. This author, however, is able to teach it in such a way...it is like I am hearing it for the first time. It resonates!
So I would like to go through the ideas presented in this little book slowly and deliberately.
The first idea, I would like to touch on is that of our natural state.
Happiness and Peace Are Our Natural State
This notion that our natural state is one of peace and happiness is probably something many of us have a hard time accepting. We probably feel unease more than we feel peace, right? We would probably say that unease is our natural state and in order to improve upon that in anyway...we need to seek the things that will make us happy and avoid the things that will make us "more" miserable. Peace and happiness seem to be something out there and in order to experience them we have to work very hard to control, fix, manipulate the outside world so we can experience them.
We often carry with us, this malignant feeling of unease, do we not, whether it is always outwardly apparent or not? Happiness and peace are things we believe we earn after hard work. Suffering is what we experience, more easily, if we are not doing enough to bring happiness into our lives or to push the "nasty" things away. In other words...suffering seems easy and natural; peace and happiness require effort. Or so we think.
Yet happiness and peace is who we are! We are the very things we yearn for and seek or work hard to attain out there.
Eclipsed and Obscured
I love how the author uses the analogy of the blue sky to describe our natural state. The blue sky represents our natural happy state. We are happy under blue skies; not so happy under grey skies, right? The blue sky is always there but sometimes we do not see it or remember it is there because it gets covered with clouds. When the grey clouds become our reality, in the sense they are all we can see or perceive, we may fail to see the blue sky beneath or to remember that it is there. The clouds seem to stand between us and experiencing our natural happy and peaceful state.
So if happiness is the natural state which is also the state of knowing and being aware...happiness never goes away. We just do not perceive it or connect to the experience because we are focusing on the clouds. We are focusing on objective experience which includes our circumstances, thoughts, feelings, perceptions etc rather than on the natural state within us. So if those things 'out there" are judged as unwanted because they are perceived as challenging or "negative", there is a veil of grey cloud between us and happiness. Happiness is still there , we are just not fully aware of it.
I will leave it at this point for now and I will come back and make better sense in my explanations tomorrow.
Of course, reading the book on your own may be the best thing for you to do.
All is well
Spira, Rupert (2017) Being Aware of Being Aware (The Essence of Meditation Series) New Harbinger/Kindle Edition
Rupert Spira, page 6
So I am about to share some learning that was gained from reading Being Aware of Being Aware by Rupert Spira. First of all, I am going to encourage you to read the book yourself and again, to take my interpretation and shared learning with a grain of salt. This is the type of thing, I firmly believe, that has to resonate internally before it is accepted.
What the book offers is not necessarily new learning or the sharing of novel knowledge. I have heard it all before in one way or another. I have studied similar teachings, absorbed it from several previous teachers and have then regurgitated it all over the page here in one form another over the years. It is not new learning. It is actually quite ancient. This author, however, is able to teach it in such a way...it is like I am hearing it for the first time. It resonates!
So I would like to go through the ideas presented in this little book slowly and deliberately.
The first idea, I would like to touch on is that of our natural state.
Happiness and Peace Are Our Natural State
This notion that our natural state is one of peace and happiness is probably something many of us have a hard time accepting. We probably feel unease more than we feel peace, right? We would probably say that unease is our natural state and in order to improve upon that in anyway...we need to seek the things that will make us happy and avoid the things that will make us "more" miserable. Peace and happiness seem to be something out there and in order to experience them we have to work very hard to control, fix, manipulate the outside world so we can experience them.
We often carry with us, this malignant feeling of unease, do we not, whether it is always outwardly apparent or not? Happiness and peace are things we believe we earn after hard work. Suffering is what we experience, more easily, if we are not doing enough to bring happiness into our lives or to push the "nasty" things away. In other words...suffering seems easy and natural; peace and happiness require effort. Or so we think.
Yet happiness and peace is who we are! We are the very things we yearn for and seek or work hard to attain out there.
Eclipsed and Obscured
I love how the author uses the analogy of the blue sky to describe our natural state. The blue sky represents our natural happy state. We are happy under blue skies; not so happy under grey skies, right? The blue sky is always there but sometimes we do not see it or remember it is there because it gets covered with clouds. When the grey clouds become our reality, in the sense they are all we can see or perceive, we may fail to see the blue sky beneath or to remember that it is there. The clouds seem to stand between us and experiencing our natural happy and peaceful state.
So if happiness is the natural state which is also the state of knowing and being aware...happiness never goes away. We just do not perceive it or connect to the experience because we are focusing on the clouds. We are focusing on objective experience which includes our circumstances, thoughts, feelings, perceptions etc rather than on the natural state within us. So if those things 'out there" are judged as unwanted because they are perceived as challenging or "negative", there is a veil of grey cloud between us and happiness. Happiness is still there , we are just not fully aware of it.
I will leave it at this point for now and I will come back and make better sense in my explanations tomorrow.
Of course, reading the book on your own may be the best thing for you to do.
All is well
Spira, Rupert (2017) Being Aware of Being Aware (The Essence of Meditation Series) New Harbinger/Kindle Edition
Friday, April 24, 2020
Awareness Shining Clearly
Knowing or being aware is not inaccessible, unknown or buried within us. It is shining clearly in the background of all experience.
Rupert Spira, Being Aware of Being Aware, Chapter 1,pg 15 Kindle Edition
A beautiful book landed on my lap ...with a little help from boredom and a desire to find something else to read. I came across this book, Being Aware of Being Aware, by Rupert Spira.
I have not heard of this individual author before . I have not researched him, prior to reading this book. So I don't know if he is an authentic teacher, or if he is a leader of a cult :). I don't know if he is on a genuine mission to help others awaken or if he is someone who uses his teachings to lead people to serve his own egoic needs. I don't know if he is beyond ego or someone who seeks to feed a hungry ego. I don't know and at this point, it doesn't matter.
As I have said many times...I do not invest in or endorse any messenger, just the message. I will open my mind to and absorb a message if it resonates. This resonated. The title pulled me in on my search and then when I seen how it was a free trial read I made the assumption this individual must have thought the message was more important than his own gratification??
So I started reading the book and finished it in a few hours. (Then I bought it!) Not that I recommend others read it like I did. It is written in such a way to be received slowly with lots of pauses between written text to allow for absorption of the teachings.
But it is also written in such a way that one can visualize and understand what is being said without effort or strain, so it draws you in. Very powerful! The message is powerful and life transforming if it resonates.
It really does offer the same message of hope all spiritual teachings offer...the ability to put an end to suffering and to find peace, happiness and true understanding by getting back to Source. Yet it uses what the author refers to as "the direct route". ACIM , more or less, uses this too, explaining that all we need to do is recognize our illusions, let them dissolve in a "Holy Instant" and we will find salvation. Very much the same premise in this book, building on the teachings of some of the ancient Hindu scriptures. It also explains that we come to greater understanding through the effortless non-practice of meditation...it is not a seeking as much as a "falling into" the Deeper Self.
It is kind of serendipitous, don't you think, that a teaching about the Direct Route and non-practice comes into my life on the same day I write about not needing to speed this process/practice up and not needing more understanding than I am getting bit by bit?
I am going to go through this book so I can absorb it more deeply. Again...if anything I say resonates, please read the book yourself ...do not accept my interpretation of it without questioning and examining for yourself.
I will finish the lessons from ACIM too...maybe we will find some similarities.
All is well!
Rupert Spira (2017) Being Aware of Being Aware. Sahaja Publications: Oakland
Thursday, April 23, 2020
Follow Your Own Heart!
“And every day, the world
will drag you by the hand, yelling,
“This is important! And
this is important! And this is important!
You need to worry about
this! And this! And this!”
And each day, it’s up to
you to yank your hand back,
put it on your heart and
say,
“No. This is what’s
important.”
― Iain Thomas
Just a Reminder
I need to remind you where I am at so you do not have any false notions about me or so you do not assume I have any of myself. I like to keep it real.
Like I said many times, I am no expert in anything especially that which I have yet to understand. I am not a master or a teacher in any form other than a student who learns through teaching.
Far From Evolved or Enlightened
I am still very much in what I believe are the early grades. I am still a gooey and underdeveloped mess. :) I still have many knots stuck in places I have no idea how to get at. I am still broken and in need of some major healing in many areas of my "little life." I "know" little to nothing about anything. I, by society's terms, am probably not functioning too well in the physical world and I have yet to come to an understanding about the non physical world that I keep saying is more important than this one.
I am definitely not "enlightened" or even close to it. In fact, I still struggle to understand what enlightenment is. I am not seeking to become a spiritual master in this life time, nor am I intending to become a follower of one. I am just intending to move forward to a greater understanding than the one I have been conditioned to believe is true.
I guess, to paraphrase the many poets before me, I am just seeking to be guided by heart rather than my mind, by Self rather than a collective ego, and to live in a way that feels right at the deepest level. I don't know how to do that yet...so I read and listen. I explore what is going on in the world around me and I turn inward to what is inside me. I listen to that Teacher, more than any other...the lessons are still a bit garbled like Charlie Brown's teacher's voice but...it is starting to come.
A Student and Life Long Learner
I bring any learning, as underdeveloped as it may be, here to this page because as A Course teaches, A good teacher clarifies his own ideas and strengthens them by teaching them. Teacher and pupil are alike in the learning process. They are in the same order of learning, and unless they share their lessons conviction will be lacking. ACIM-T-4:I:1:1-3. This is how I learned through all my years of academia...by teaching others what I have learned even if it was just to my cat in my room. That is how I learn. So I am trying to share learned lessons here , to test to see how strong my convictions are. When I write them here, they strengthen...even if it is only a handful of teacher/students who read them....even if it is only one.
What I am trying to emphasize here, is that I am just a student...a life long learner who teaches to learn. Teaching and learning are your greatest strengths now, because they enable you to change your mind and help others to change theirs. ACIM-T-4:I:4:1And I am aware I may sound like Charlie Brown's teacher to many of you.
Don't Listen to Me/ Listen to You
So what should you do? Take whatever I have to say with a grain of salt. Don't believe any of it until you test it out for yourself. Go inside you where the answers are, where your truth is and let that guide you. I do hope whatever I put here will be a helpful pointer to you but I don't have teh answers. You do!
The Leader/Follower Danger
Why did I bring this up now? I watched Holy Hell for the second time and it both fascinated me and disturbed me. Shows about cults make me question my own seeking and my purpose for being here. I think of these leaders and wonder how and why people blindly follow them...people just like me who are seeking more understanding? What happens in these cults is the seeking gradually gets lost beneath the ever expanding ego of the leader. The followers are slowly manipulated to worship the leader rather than that which they were seeking.
What is Wrong with the Followers?
There is some really good intention there, isn't there? What the followers are seeking is great, is it not? Understanding, love, community, service, compassion and peace is something we all want, is it not? And these communities created by these leaders seem to offer that and maybe even genuinely at first ( though I doubt it with this guy who sought hypnotherapy and behavioural training before seeking followers. Big clue that his intentions were more to control and manipulate a group than serve). So a community of like minded individuals come together with good intention only to find that ego once again got in the way of their seeking...sometimes to a dangerous and abusive degree.
What is Wrong with the Leader?
Do most leaders set out to mass control and brain wash for their own egoic reasons? Or is there some intention in them that is altruistic in the beginning? I hear of some yogis, one I often quoted btw before hearing about his own endeavors as a suspected cult leader, who do set out to help heal. By assuming role of guru, master, however, it is very easy, I suppose, to get lost under that devotion and adoration ...for the ego to swell in its "little me" glorification. Hmmm! It is scary!
Don't Follow/ Don't Lead?
So I don't personally like to follow anyone or to lead. I like to share and to learn from others but I am very, very cautious about people who claim to be spiritual masters or gurus. That is a role. I believe, meant only for the truly enlightened...the truly holy...and the truly humble.
There is little room for ego in any type of true leadership. Isn't that what Lao Tzu taught over and over again? What Jesus taught? What Buddha taught? Yes these individuals may have had disciples but in their life times they did not ask to be served, to be held up high, to be worshipped. They kept saying ...the same that is in me is in you. Though man may have given them glory during and after they left this planet they did not set themselves a part other than to be heard when they were teaching. Ego may step into a human mind to convince it ...it is like these individuals but the moment one assumes glory, blind obedience, special service....then there is a problem.
This documentary also made me question my own seeking. Am I just grasping blindly at teachings to fill this hole of not knowing in me. If I didn't have such an aversion to leaders or being a follower...maybe I would be one of those members that blindly serves someone else's ego for 20 some years?
In Everyday Life
How do cults apply to everyday life? Do we do something like that in a lesser sense in this so called "cult-free" existence don't we? In our institutions, our politics, our religions. These same tendencies to a lesser degree are there too, aren't they?
I don't know...this cult thing is one more thing I need to explore farther.
I love the above quote/poem that brings us back from being followers to listening to Self. Maybe we all have to do that a little more often.
All is well.
Holy Hell . Netflix
Wednesday, April 22, 2020
Trauma Suffering
If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering. Suffering is an eradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering in life, human life cannot be complete.
Viktor E. Frankl
A terrible, terrible tragedy occurred in a neighboring province this weekend. A very, very sick human being gunned down and killed over 22 unsuspecting people in some act of violence that is so hard to understand. I found myself hearing the news but not really able to process it, thus my not referring to it over the last couple of days. Some things are just too much for the human mind to absorb...like this example of the extreme fragility of the human mind and the human body...so it usually denies, deflects or stuffs evidence of those things away.
Those Surviving This Trauma
Thinking about the trauma that the survivors of this atrocious act must be experiencing, (will be experiencing for the rest of their lives, I imagine), has led me to examine the nature of suffering a trauma like this and how to transcend it. Of course, I don't know!!! I don't know how anyone gets beyond such a "shock". I am just taking what I have learned and what I feel in my gut as some less than perfect attempt at empathy and hope.
Does Trauma Transform?
I can look at trauma...at a lesser degree...and see how in the long run it can transform into something life enhancing in the long run. Yet how can one even think of any positive upon looking at this incident in this moment? There is understandably nothing but grief, shock, and fear, soon to be followed by extreme outrage now...but in time, maybe in time, there will be at least some semblance of peace.
As Eckhart Tolle, says when he answers a question from such a trauma survivor ( video linked below) the pain of such a horrid challenge may never completely dissolve in this life time for those who were involved or for those who lost loved ones. They will carry it with them, in some form, for the rest of their lives; they will likely get lost in identification with it...they and teh world will define who they are by this incident for a long time; and maybe they will become so identified with this pain that they will resist and become angry at any mention of there being a "way out" of it....even years down the road. But I do believe that there is always hope that someday they will be able to transcend it. This awful , unimaginable tragedy could become a crack in an armour , that allows precious understanding and Grace to come through....someday, someday.
For now...pain and grief will be their reality.
As Bystanders From A Distance
We as bystanders, can look upon this and learn as well. We can learn...not to get lost in resistance of what happened by hiding behind "This should never have happened" ( It did) ...not to hate...not to pass judgement and blame on anyone...not to shutdown in our fear...not to own the assumption that "All humans are greedy, violent creatures that cannot be trusted" or that " the world is a dangerous and terrifying place to live in"...not to point fingers at those who we assume didn't do enough...not to pity...but ...to reach out in love, and compassion, whether it be with deed or thought to those who are suffering and to humanity at large.
The One Shared Humanity
We could all look at this, in a sense, that we were all attacked and...(this will be hard for people to swallow)...we all attacked. As one human race, it was our innocent brothers and sisters that were gunned down and it was our brother that gunned them down. Hate will not put an end to hate...only love in the form of understanding, forgiveness and compassion will.
The Habitual Mind's Reaction To Such Trauma
It would be so easy to get lost in the "story" of this tragic occurrence, "the idea" of it; the thought stream that would take us into added suffering, drama and pain . By itself, this is more than enough tragedy, we do not have to allow the ego mind to jump into to create more suffering, do we?
And our minds will do that...it is a habitual and conditioned way we have of reacting to such things. First, we attempt to shut down and deny, push aside...then we resist with all our might the experience of "pain" by getting into our heads and creating a drama of hate, revenge, blame, fear and another reason to close down. This is so much better, is it not, than the red raw vulnerability we experience when we look at the fragility of the human mind and the human body as situations like this force us to do?
Stillness At the Core
Inside each and everyone of us is this "core of stillness" and it is there even in the greatest challenges. This spacious center of who we are cannot be harmed, nor can it harm.(Tolle). It is actually our refuge ...a place we can go to when the external world seems to be falling apart around us. (Thay Bhap Ho) We need to access this place more often when we are not facing such gruesome challenges , so we can face them with this knowing when they do occur. This will not make the pain go away but it can certainly make it a lot easier to deal with.
Accessing this place will also help us to "let go" of our pain someday, to release it so we can transcend it. The Buddhists teach that once we release pain it automatically transcends into something beautiful and healing for all.
That is what I wish for all survivors of this, for all of us...that we can someday...even if it is years down the road...transcend this pain through release. In the meantime, let's pray for a little peace and ease throughout this trying time for all who are directly experiencing this trauma and for the rest of the world that watches.
It is as it is.
Eckhart Tolle( April, 2020) What Do You Recommend for Healing Trauma?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZ2GfrendQg
Thay Phap Ho/Plum Village (March 1, 2020) Earth Holder Retreat/Final Dharma Talk Deer Park Monastery. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG-HbasuW-I
Viktor E. Frankl
A terrible, terrible tragedy occurred in a neighboring province this weekend. A very, very sick human being gunned down and killed over 22 unsuspecting people in some act of violence that is so hard to understand. I found myself hearing the news but not really able to process it, thus my not referring to it over the last couple of days. Some things are just too much for the human mind to absorb...like this example of the extreme fragility of the human mind and the human body...so it usually denies, deflects or stuffs evidence of those things away.
Those Surviving This Trauma
Thinking about the trauma that the survivors of this atrocious act must be experiencing, (will be experiencing for the rest of their lives, I imagine), has led me to examine the nature of suffering a trauma like this and how to transcend it. Of course, I don't know!!! I don't know how anyone gets beyond such a "shock". I am just taking what I have learned and what I feel in my gut as some less than perfect attempt at empathy and hope.
Does Trauma Transform?
I can look at trauma...at a lesser degree...and see how in the long run it can transform into something life enhancing in the long run. Yet how can one even think of any positive upon looking at this incident in this moment? There is understandably nothing but grief, shock, and fear, soon to be followed by extreme outrage now...but in time, maybe in time, there will be at least some semblance of peace.
As Eckhart Tolle, says when he answers a question from such a trauma survivor ( video linked below) the pain of such a horrid challenge may never completely dissolve in this life time for those who were involved or for those who lost loved ones. They will carry it with them, in some form, for the rest of their lives; they will likely get lost in identification with it...they and teh world will define who they are by this incident for a long time; and maybe they will become so identified with this pain that they will resist and become angry at any mention of there being a "way out" of it....even years down the road. But I do believe that there is always hope that someday they will be able to transcend it. This awful , unimaginable tragedy could become a crack in an armour , that allows precious understanding and Grace to come through....someday, someday.
For now...pain and grief will be their reality.
As Bystanders From A Distance
We as bystanders, can look upon this and learn as well. We can learn...not to get lost in resistance of what happened by hiding behind "This should never have happened" ( It did) ...not to hate...not to pass judgement and blame on anyone...not to shutdown in our fear...not to own the assumption that "All humans are greedy, violent creatures that cannot be trusted" or that " the world is a dangerous and terrifying place to live in"...not to point fingers at those who we assume didn't do enough...not to pity...but ...to reach out in love, and compassion, whether it be with deed or thought to those who are suffering and to humanity at large.
The One Shared Humanity
We could all look at this, in a sense, that we were all attacked and...(this will be hard for people to swallow)...we all attacked. As one human race, it was our innocent brothers and sisters that were gunned down and it was our brother that gunned them down. Hate will not put an end to hate...only love in the form of understanding, forgiveness and compassion will.
The Habitual Mind's Reaction To Such Trauma
It would be so easy to get lost in the "story" of this tragic occurrence, "the idea" of it; the thought stream that would take us into added suffering, drama and pain . By itself, this is more than enough tragedy, we do not have to allow the ego mind to jump into to create more suffering, do we?
And our minds will do that...it is a habitual and conditioned way we have of reacting to such things. First, we attempt to shut down and deny, push aside...then we resist with all our might the experience of "pain" by getting into our heads and creating a drama of hate, revenge, blame, fear and another reason to close down. This is so much better, is it not, than the red raw vulnerability we experience when we look at the fragility of the human mind and the human body as situations like this force us to do?
Stillness At the Core
Inside each and everyone of us is this "core of stillness" and it is there even in the greatest challenges. This spacious center of who we are cannot be harmed, nor can it harm.(Tolle). It is actually our refuge ...a place we can go to when the external world seems to be falling apart around us. (Thay Bhap Ho) We need to access this place more often when we are not facing such gruesome challenges , so we can face them with this knowing when they do occur. This will not make the pain go away but it can certainly make it a lot easier to deal with.
Accessing this place will also help us to "let go" of our pain someday, to release it so we can transcend it. The Buddhists teach that once we release pain it automatically transcends into something beautiful and healing for all.
That is what I wish for all survivors of this, for all of us...that we can someday...even if it is years down the road...transcend this pain through release. In the meantime, let's pray for a little peace and ease throughout this trying time for all who are directly experiencing this trauma and for the rest of the world that watches.
It is as it is.
Eckhart Tolle( April, 2020) What Do You Recommend for Healing Trauma?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZ2GfrendQg
Thay Phap Ho/Plum Village (March 1, 2020) Earth Holder Retreat/Final Dharma Talk Deer Park Monastery. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG-HbasuW-I
Tuesday, April 21, 2020
Following Nature's Everlasting Rhythyms
When will I learn?
When will I learn
that I cannot force the flower to bloom before it is time,
that if I reach down to pull the petals on this blossom open
that I cannot force the flower to bloom before it is time,
that if I reach down to pull the petals on this blossom open
they will not come easily or willingly,
they will cling to life source in the middle?
If I pull even harder,
determined to see
a beautiful rose in bloom
before its time,
I will succeed at nothing.
I will tear the tender petals away
from that which they cling
and, rigid with immaturity,
they will sit in my hand until
they brown and wither into nothing.
The once lovely and perfect
potential of a rose will then
potential of a rose will then
bow her innocent head
to me in submission,
curl up and die.
When will I learn
that if I stand back and allow the rose to be,
not bothered by the clock's tapping fingers
or the hurried pace around me,
she will unfold at the most precise and perfect moment,
a moment planned by a Divine Master of absolute timing?
When she blossoms,
independent of my controlling fingers
she will be ready,
her lovely petals will stretch
like the graceful arms of a ballerina
like the graceful arms of a ballerina
as I watch nature's breath -taking performance in awe .
When will I learn
that I cannot rush the caterpillar's transformation?
If I poke at the chrysalis
with the tip of a stick
I will indeed pierce the soft silky flesh
of it's protective womb.
I will see the beautiful colour of wing
within the hole I have created.
I can then tear away the remaining cocoon
to grab the transforming creature
that was once trapped inside.
But the wings,
I long to be inspired by,
I will soon discover
will not open.
In their incomplete transformation,
they will be sticky and wet.
The butterfly will not fly.
It will never flutter away
in beautiful speckled patterns of colour.
in beautiful speckled patterns of colour.
It will instead lay down in my hand and die.
When will I learn
that if I allow nature to be
in charge of the whens and hows
in charge of the whens and hows
the way she is meant to do,
the butterfly will emerge
from his tight cage when it is ready?
from his tight cage when it is ready?
At that perfect moment, it's wings will open
and it will fly away towards its purpose,
the magical transformation complete.
When will I learn that I do no good
when I try to help the baby chick
escape from the shell it is poking at?
If, when I see the vibrations beneath
and the cracks appearing,
I take pity on the creature inside and break through
to free it from the shell that traps it
I will do more harm than good.
What I will find instead of a
grateful healthy bird,
is a tiny bundle of gooey feathers
that struggles to breathe.
It will surely die in my hand
as it gasps for air it cannot take in.
When will I learn
that if I sit back and watch instead,
excited by how much stronger each peck is getting,
amazed how much work the little bird is doing
to get itself out of its entrapment
I will eventually be laughing at the antics
of a fuzzy little chirping fowl
that is strong enough to breathe on its own?
When will I learn
to be patient and to trust
that life has its own perfect timing,
its own agenda,
and its own perfect order.
The perfection of my life will unfold exactly
when it is meant to,
in the way that it is meant to.
I do not need to rush time,
to force change,
to help others who do not need my help.
I just have to be
as God molds me into something
magical and perfect.
When will I learn to be?
Dale-Lyn December 2014
Hastening Eternal Rules
What it needed was to ripen and unfold patiently in sunlight. Now it was too late. My breath had forced the butterfly to emerge ahead of time, crumpled and premature. It came out underdeveloped, shook desperately, and soon died in my palm. The butterfly's corpse, I believe, is the greatest weight I carry on my conscience. What I understood deeply on that day was this: to hasten eternal rules is a mortal sin. One's duty is to confidently follow nature's everlasting rhythm.
Zorba the Greek
I was reminded of that beautiful passage when listening to Robert Moss speak of his book, The Boy who Died and Came Back. (see link below). In his book he wrote of this beautiful passage from Nikos Kazantzakis' Zorba the Greek. What great insight and wisdom exists in this passage and I can, in my narcissism fervor, relate it to my own awakening. Maybe you can too?
I am in the process of evolving...and I know I have actually used this same analogy before in the form of poetic verse (must find that)...but I am still mushy and under-underdeveloped inside a chrysalis. I am impatient in this state . I don't really know how to settle into it and relax. I am still clinging to all I left behind or what I lost in that other stage of my development, wondering if I can go back there and at the same time I am anxious to fly off into this new understanding I am so sure I will experience when I evolve further.
This present stage seems to be taking so long lol. But this passage from Zorba the Greek reminds me that if we push this and strive real hard to bust through the walls of this cocoon that is here for a reason, we will find ourselves like Zorba's butterfly...unable to fly and unable to survive consciously in this new state.
We are all going to get there, to emerge into this new wonderful reality brought on by a deeper understanding when we are ready...but only when we are ready. We need to learn to lay back and relax where we are and accept the process that is being directed by Something much Wiser and Greater than we could ever think to be. Let that be the breath that awakens us and others...not our own hurried little one's
It is all good.
Nikos Kazantzakis (2014 Edition as translated by Peter Bien) Zorba the Greek. Simon & Schuster
Robert Moss ( November 2014) Present! Robert Moss: Dreams and the NDE. KMVT. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWoK8u1bsXY
Monday, April 20, 2020
Lessons 162-170
There is a silence into which the world can not intrude. There is an ancient peace you carry in your heart and have not lost.
ACIM-W-164:4:1-2
Lesson 162
I am as God created me. This lesson professes that if we were to repeat these words until we believed them we would be saved; we would be free of fear and we would see who we truly are.
Lesson 163
There is no death. The son of God is free. In this lesson our varied fear of death is discussed as an object and creation of fear but also as something that cannot be real. If we are as the previous lesson suggests, as God created us and if we are creations of God and God cannot die, how can we? Of course...our perception of death comes with the ending of the physical form. We do not die when our bodies do. Again we are going beneath the tip of physicality to an understanding of the depth of who we really are. (Below the water's surface in the Ice berg analogy)
Lesson 164
Now are we one with Him Who is our Source. This lesson offers a reminder of the importance of seeing the world in the present moment, not with our eyes but the eyes of Christ (clear vision). It speaks to putting away judgements so we can see and accept the world and Self for what it really is. It also speaks to accepting and appreciating the blessings in the here and now, enveloped in the Oneness of all that is.
Lesson 165
Let not my mind deny the Thought of God. Though we might doubt God's Love and Will for us to have and be all that we can be, the Thought that created us has never left us. We are encouraged in this lesson to "ask with desire" for Heaven's Grace and Heaven is at our finger tips beneath the illusions of physicality that obscure It. We count on God and not upon ourselves to give us certainty. (8:1)
Lesson 166
I am entrusted with the gifts of God. As long as we see ego's world as the only world we will not recognize or accept the gifts God is constantly offering us. The gifts, however, are always there. We just do not recognize them, so caught up are we in ego's version of things. We have chosen to play the role of the tragic little self rather than embrace the Self we really are. God wants us to receive these gifts and then by receiving others receive. He wants us to heal from our sick illusions and thereby release the world of pain through our teaching.
Lesson 167
There is one life, and that I share with God. This lesson explains what death really is beyond our belief that it is restricted to the demise of the body. Death is the thought that you are separate from your creator. (4:1) and death cannot come from Life. 5:1 It is said that what seems to be the opposite of life is merely sleeping. Life, like truth, just is and it is not how we imagine it...this string of events we label it as. There is only one Life, and as parts of God, we share that with him. There is no separate little lives and separate little deaths.
Lesson 168
Your grace is given me. I claim it now. The grace that is offered us, is this ability to awaken to the truth of who we really are. We are specks of God's light and therefore we are Love. Where there is Love there can be no fear. We just have to accept the gift and have faith in the Giver of this gift more so than our acceptance of it. We offer that gift to each other through forgiveness.
Lesson 169
By grace I live. By grace I am released. I love this explanation of Grace offered in this lesson, Grace is acceptance of the Love of God within a world of seeming hate and fear. By grace alone the hate and fear are gone....2:1-2 This realization of our Oneness goes beyond any learning we can do with the conceptual mind. With forgiveness we take special steps in this direction towards the miracle of release from the prison our minds have created.
Lesson 170
There is no cruelty in God and none in me. This lesson speaks to the insanity of defense and attack because of fear. What we really fear is not an enemy outside of us but the Love of God inside of us. It is ego that is afraid of God's love not the Self but as long as we are operating under ego perception we deny what the Self wants. Ego has convinced us of our need to focus on the dangers of the world. We then project our fear outside of us. We need to recognize how we use fear as a god of cruelty to worship when we follow ego's dictates. We must recognize this deception and put down the fear of fear as well as the fear of God.
Love this: Father we are like You. No cruelty abides in us, for there is none in You. Your peace is ours. And we bless the world with what we have received from You alone. 13:1-4
All is well!
ACIM-W-164:4:1-2
Lesson 162
I am as God created me. This lesson professes that if we were to repeat these words until we believed them we would be saved; we would be free of fear and we would see who we truly are.
Lesson 163
There is no death. The son of God is free. In this lesson our varied fear of death is discussed as an object and creation of fear but also as something that cannot be real. If we are as the previous lesson suggests, as God created us and if we are creations of God and God cannot die, how can we? Of course...our perception of death comes with the ending of the physical form. We do not die when our bodies do. Again we are going beneath the tip of physicality to an understanding of the depth of who we really are. (Below the water's surface in the Ice berg analogy)
Lesson 164
Now are we one with Him Who is our Source. This lesson offers a reminder of the importance of seeing the world in the present moment, not with our eyes but the eyes of Christ (clear vision). It speaks to putting away judgements so we can see and accept the world and Self for what it really is. It also speaks to accepting and appreciating the blessings in the here and now, enveloped in the Oneness of all that is.
Lesson 165
Let not my mind deny the Thought of God. Though we might doubt God's Love and Will for us to have and be all that we can be, the Thought that created us has never left us. We are encouraged in this lesson to "ask with desire" for Heaven's Grace and Heaven is at our finger tips beneath the illusions of physicality that obscure It. We count on God and not upon ourselves to give us certainty. (8:1)
Lesson 166
I am entrusted with the gifts of God. As long as we see ego's world as the only world we will not recognize or accept the gifts God is constantly offering us. The gifts, however, are always there. We just do not recognize them, so caught up are we in ego's version of things. We have chosen to play the role of the tragic little self rather than embrace the Self we really are. God wants us to receive these gifts and then by receiving others receive. He wants us to heal from our sick illusions and thereby release the world of pain through our teaching.
Lesson 167
There is one life, and that I share with God. This lesson explains what death really is beyond our belief that it is restricted to the demise of the body. Death is the thought that you are separate from your creator. (4:1) and death cannot come from Life. 5:1 It is said that what seems to be the opposite of life is merely sleeping. Life, like truth, just is and it is not how we imagine it...this string of events we label it as. There is only one Life, and as parts of God, we share that with him. There is no separate little lives and separate little deaths.
Lesson 168
Your grace is given me. I claim it now. The grace that is offered us, is this ability to awaken to the truth of who we really are. We are specks of God's light and therefore we are Love. Where there is Love there can be no fear. We just have to accept the gift and have faith in the Giver of this gift more so than our acceptance of it. We offer that gift to each other through forgiveness.
Lesson 169
By grace I live. By grace I am released. I love this explanation of Grace offered in this lesson, Grace is acceptance of the Love of God within a world of seeming hate and fear. By grace alone the hate and fear are gone....2:1-2 This realization of our Oneness goes beyond any learning we can do with the conceptual mind. With forgiveness we take special steps in this direction towards the miracle of release from the prison our minds have created.
Lesson 170
There is no cruelty in God and none in me. This lesson speaks to the insanity of defense and attack because of fear. What we really fear is not an enemy outside of us but the Love of God inside of us. It is ego that is afraid of God's love not the Self but as long as we are operating under ego perception we deny what the Self wants. Ego has convinced us of our need to focus on the dangers of the world. We then project our fear outside of us. We need to recognize how we use fear as a god of cruelty to worship when we follow ego's dictates. We must recognize this deception and put down the fear of fear as well as the fear of God.
Love this: Father we are like You. No cruelty abides in us, for there is none in You. Your peace is ours. And we bless the world with what we have received from You alone. 13:1-4
All is well!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)