No Need To Run Away

You just need to learn how to suffer and you will suffer less.
Br Bhap Dung

Hmmm!  Do you believe the above teaching that was originally passed down by Thich Nhat Hanh to the monastics in Plum Village? Do you believe that in order to diminish our sense of suffering, our physical and emotional pain or discomfort, our reactions to what we judge as "unpleasant" life circumstance ...all we need to do is embrace it and "just do it".

How well do you do suffering?

In another absolutely enlightening dharma talk from Plum Village(see link below) the issue of our tendency to push the unpleasant away was addressed. As habitual beings with habitual minds, Br. Bhap Dung tells us  we have two tendencies: To run toward ( which the Buddhists term "grasping") and to run away( "aversion").

What do we run toward?

We tend to run toward, seek, strive for, attempt to attain and maintain the things of this world that we assume will bring joy, peace and happiness to us.  It is safe to say that most of us want to be happy, well, peaceful and joyful, right? So we tend to "grasp" things, people, experiences and life circumstances we believe will bring that to us. Maybe it is a certain career goal you assume will bring you to that state?  A certain amount of money in your bank account?  A certain partner? A perfect sunny sky?  A certain amount of recognition?  A certain life style or circumstance? Or a certain level of fitness and health?

Are we not constantly seeking to gain and maintain these things in our lives because we determine the "pleasant' as the only acceptable experience?  Do we not assume that anything less will be cause for unhappiness?

What do we run from?

What don't you want in your life?  What do you tend to avoid at all costs?  Pain and suffering are things we are conditioned to run from.  We are taught in many ways to not deal with the uncomfortable emotions of fear, anxiety, sadness, grief, anger, frustration or boredom, aren't we? We are taught to "judge" and "discriminate what is good from what is bad; what is pleasant from what is unpleasant; what is acceptable from what is unacceptable. Then we are taught to run, through avoidance, denial, suppression, repression, numbing actions, and seeking for the "pleasant", away from that which we judge as painful.

Suffering is bad thing?

Do you believe that suffering is bad thing that we need to avoid at all costs?  I used to believe this and felt because I had a certain amount of past trauma induced suffering in my life I had to constantly run from one activity to the next, one grasping to the next, one seeking of the pleasant to next?  It was my intended goal to avoid suffering. I am sure I am not alone in that goal.

It wasn't until I got so exhausted I couldn't run anymore that I realized running was fruitless.  I  turned around and there was the original suffering waiting for me to deal with it and on top of that was all the other suffering I accumulated on the way partially due to my running.

Life is not here to please us, she is here to challenge us. Suffering is a part of the experience...a very, very important part. According to Buddhist doctrine it is a noble truth. We need to become aware of it and learn to understand it in order to transcend it.

Removing the "good" and "bad".

In order to find true well being we need to find a middle way between this idea of good and bad, right or wrong.   These judgments keep us grasping and avoiding rather than learning and growing. We don't need to run towards anything nor do we need to run away.  We can simply be with whatever is presented to us in the moment.

We can learn so much through our suffering.  First we must be aware of it, then we must be able to focus on it without that tendency to run away and hide from it and finally we gain insight into where the suffering came from, what it  is saying and what it has to offer us.

We can sit with the "unpleasant".

I started doing this little practice whenever I get Charlie Horses .  I used to get a lot of them and man they were painful. I thought it was  bad experience and I developed a learned resistance to them.  My first reaction whenever I got a Charlie Horse was to scream, jump up and down on my foot...do whatever I could to resist feeling this pain. They would last for minutes when I did this.

 I decided one day to let the  Charlie Horse be...to just experience it, concentrate on it and relax into it.  I truly "noticed it" focusing on it as it crept in and reached a peek of intensity and watched as it then slowly left me. It came and it went and it was like an "aha moment".  I realized this suffering doesn't  last forever.  I gained insight that I  might need more fluid or potassium or calcium in my diet...but mostly I learned I can sit with the uncomfortable. 

So whenever I get a Charlie horse now ( and I seem to be getting a lot less) I just allow them.  I don't judge them as a bad experience and I don't run from them. I almost enjoy using them as part of my practice.

We can do this with anything we deem to be "unpleasant," be it a feeling or an experience. We can use this practice now as we deal with the so called "unpleasant" nature of the consequences of this pandemic. 

First remove the good or bad label and just allow whatever it is to be. Don't avoid it, resist or struggle against it.  Just experience it and be aware of it. What insights can you gain from it?

Suffering is an important part of the human experience. We do not need to run from it. When we learn how  to suffer, we suffer less.

All is well in my world.

Plum Village ( July 2019) Taking Care of suffering, Challenges and Difficulties/ Dharma Talk by Br. Phap Dung https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6P-NrCNUSJU