The Three B's

When faced with a challenging situation don't react. Follow the Three B's instead:  Step Back, Breathe and then Begin again.
-Me


I use to teach my students this simple formula in my Communications classes.  I used it to prepare them for handling nursing crisis but also  to deal with social interactions that go astray. (In nursing, there can be many :))

I see now, after listening to the wonderful lecture from Eckhart Tolle in Ego , Life and Purpose, that I stumbled upon when it seemed to fit the most in my life, how effective it can be for opening us up to the higher Self. That is the way it works though , isn't it?  We really do stumble across the lessons we need the most when we do...even though they may certainly not feel like anything but a headache inducing nightmare at the time. lol

We can use the three B's in our awakening as well, can't we?  If we want to step away from the mental reaction long enough to tap into that place of spacious no-thought, so we can respond with peace and wisdom rather than ego, we can use these little b's to our advantage.

• First B: Back away or take a physical and mental step back and  away from the situation you are encountering.  In this case, step back from the thought stream. Be aware that you are indeed caught up in it and make a conscious choice to step away.  Being aware of it is a huge step in awakening and watching yourself "think" creates a distance between you and your thoughts. Stepping back gives you space between you and the stream of thought that is threatening to take you into a feeling or behaviour that will bot serve you or the world.  Step back away from mental reactivity
• Second B: Breathe ...of course this essential.  Focusing on breath takes us out of our minds and back into the present moment.  It also fuels the body with much needed oxygen and switches off the sympathetic system that is preparing us for fight or flight. It is a simple  calming and centering technique that is usually very effective
• Third B: Begin again...So we do  need to deal with the situation we are encountering even if that dealing is a conscious decision to walk away.  But in order to deal we need to do so, not from ego, but from that wise presence within us.  We need to step back and breathe first...then we approach the situation calmly, clearly and a heck of a lot more wise than we would be if ego had the reins. We begin again but this time with a clearer mind. 

So even if the situation we are speaking of is getting caught up in a reaction to someone who stepped in front of us in line...we can use these three B's in helping us to step away from ego and begin again with the wiser self.  As soon as it happens, ego may pop in with all these thoughts about how wrong that behaviour is, and how unfair that person is behaving...that it shouldn't be...leading to emotions of frustration, anger,  and upset.  We may have a strong instinctive reaction to growl at the person or to close it all up inside us as we spend the next ten minutes of precious life ruminating over how "unfair it is and how wrong that person is." We miss out on the opportunity for a great moment. We don't have to do this!

We can instead take a physical step away from the person ( that just puts more physical distance between you and the person and the likelihood of a physical reaction) and we step back mentally.  We see how we are thinking about the situation and make a conscious choice to distance from that thought process knowing it will do us little good.

We then breathe and calm the body and mind down.  We clear the head.  We create space between what has happened, what is going on in our minds and what is really important.

Then we begin again.  This time we begin clear headed and with "inspired action".  We may decide to let it go ...realizing that saying or doing anything is really not worth the few minutes of peace you desire.  Or we may gently tap on the person's shoulder and say kindly and respectfully from a place that is not "peeved off" something like, "Excuse me Mam, but I was waiting here first and I would really like not to lose my turn.  I was hoping you would get in the back of the line so we can all fairly get our turn.  Thanks." Say that from a place of calm and see what happens.  You may not effect change in the other person but you expressed yourself calmly and you tried. That part is up to you.

Anyway...all is well.

Eckhart Tolle (2019) Ego, Life and Purpose. ( for some reason can't find the link anymore but will !

Kindling a Flame

Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel.
Socrates https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/275648.Socrates

I am not sure what to write about this morning...so many thoughts going through my mind but I realize that none of them are important. They are just thoughts, insignificant wisps of energy coming into my mind and going out of my mind.  Hmmm!

I am fascinated and excited by all that I am learning from scriptures, lectures and books...things that are resonating with me in "aha moments" of remembering something already known. All that is whirling around in my head too and I cannot tame it enough to put into words I can express here. 

But that is just it, isn't it?  It really wasn't meant to be put into words...it was meant to be experienced and lived. Words and concepts help...up to a point ...but they are only teaching tools that point and guide us to the "experiencing"...It is there ...in the experiencing and living this learning...where the true knowing takes place and only there.  Hmmm!

All is well.

The True Discovery

I don't know whether the universe, with its countless galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least, it is clear that we humans who live on earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves.  Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring the greatest degree of happiness.
-Dalai Lama
(Note: the majority of quotes I use from the Dalai Lama, like this one, come from my Insight from the Dalai Lama desk top calendar, (2018) by Andrews McMeel Publishing, Kansas City)

Hmmm!  All these big universal questions we put out there that we want answered, things we may never know the answers to, obscure the one question we need to ponder: " What will bring about the greatest degree of happiness for myself and fellow humans?" Hmm!

I am not fond of the word happiness...simply my perception of it...it is just a word, I know.  I do prefer the descriptive equivalent to so called 'happiness': "joy, peace, love, fulfillment, wellness" etc .  So I ask what will bring us these things? I seek the answer to that question. 

I mean, I am still very interested in all the happenings "out there" but know my job is not  to answer the myriad of questions posed in regards to the outside world.  My job is to understand this world within me.  To do that, I do not need to walk on the moon...I need to step into my mind to determine what is going on in there:)

All is well!

A Good Human Being

Whether we live just a few years or a whole century, it would be truly regrettable and sad if we were to spend that time aggravating the problems that afflict other people, animals, and the environment. The most important thing is to be a good human being.
-Dalai Lama

I just realized it was my father's birthday.  He would be 91 if he were still alive. I miss him. The above quote suits my memory of him.

Getting Heard?

To gain your own voice, you have to forget about getting it heard.
Allan Ginsberg https://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/there-are-no-rules/72-of-the-best-quotes-about-writing

Man, I don't understand my stats at all and I don't know why I keep checking them lol. 

First of all it says I have no followers when I know for a fact I have some because I speak to these people on a regular basis.  Then some days it tells me  I have readers in the one digit category and out of the blue on another day I may have them in the two digit or even three digit category.  There are no or very limited comments which is okay...don't need that. I understand people do not like to expose themselves etc. Then the map is showing that I have readership all over the world, which is so very cool,  but it never adds up with the numbers for that day.

The stats just don't seem all that reliable. So I have no idea who is reading this?

Why does it matter anyway?

Oh I know my ego is still very active and though this is not an ego-motivated process,  ego still  wants to get something from it.  It uses what I do here to redeem 'me' from all my outer world failures ...which a good readership allows.  I may not have much anymore out here in terms of outer world success and recognition so maybe ego is appeased a bit when I get a little something here, on this site. It also wants validation and reward for "doing".

And it uses the stats  to shame me further and keep "me" small and controllable as a low day readership permits. "See"...it says..."you no longer have anything.  You are lacking, needy, broken here as well as out there and you are making a fool of yourself on top of everything else. Pathetic!" Thank goodness, I am no longer listening to that internal critic. Nasty!!!

So ego is one of the driving forces in my checking  the stats on a daily basis.

I  don't come here for ego though.  I truly don't.  I come here to teach so I can learn and to learn so I can teach. It really is beyond my little ego.  Sometimes, maybe, I check the stats to see how many people I am reaching.  I try to validate if this is the most effective way to learn and teach.  But to be truthful, it wouldn't matter if I had 0 readership, I would still come here everyday and do what I do.

So I guess it doesn't matter who is reading this or how it is being received.  Maybe what is important is why they are reading it, if they indeed are.  "Does something I say make sense...even just a little?  Is it resonating with a truth that is already in them?  Are they too waking up just a bit like I am? "

Maybe that is all that matter.

All is well!

If we compare the mental and physical levels of happiness, we find that the experiences of pain and pleasure that take place mentally are actually more powerful.
-Dalai Lama


Every now and again  life circumstance catches up with us.  When it catches up with me I find myself comparing the physical and mental levels of my happiness.  Sadly I run on the low side more than I care to.  It seems like "too much stress, discomfort, struggle" and not enough "reward, peace, joy".  When I come to that conclusion, both body and mind become exhausted as I am now.

At these times, I catch myself wondering things like "Are I and my loved ones cursed?"  "Is there such thing as bad energy sticking to a group of people?" "Am I living out some bad karma and part of that is watching the people I love suffer?" A foolish and unhealthy way to think , I know. 

For I know in the very core of me, even at those times of negative mental experience, that my life circumstance and my "reaction" to it is not my Life. Yet here I am watching my little self go through this 'stuff' and I am wondering why this little being that is me...has been  travelling on what seems to be such a bumpy path for what seems like an entire lifetime.  If I knew for certain Karma was such a thing...I would settle into it and say "Oh okay...I understand...I can endure this and find some moments of peace and joy in amongst the suffering.  It is happening for a reason." 

But when I remember Satchidananda's words "The entire outside world is based on your thoughts and mental attitude."  I am like "Crap!  I am doing this to myself and my loved ones!" I become overwhelmed with guilt and shame that my mind is so messed up I am creating such chaos in my outer experience.

When I feel this way...I know I am over identifying with the little me.  I am experiencing life through that perspective...so everything seems to be happening 'to me'; 'against me'; 'to punish me'; or 'because of me.' I do not, at those times, separate the life circumstances from the little me and the little me from the understanding I have of Self.  At those time the ego, not spirit,  is prevalent in my psyche and it is telling me in not so nice ways that I am simply getting what I deserve.  I am unworthy, a sinner, lacking, needy, etc etc .  I better just suck it up and endure Life. So I listen to ego and that is what I do.  I suck it up and endure.  This is how powerful the mental experience is...and  it is all just a mental experience.

Regardless of what is going on around me, what I am observing happening to me, or witnessing what is happening to another...the problematic perspective is a mental one and a mental one only. What I am experiencing is a result of what I am perceiving and my attitude towards it. Hmmm!  I know that...yet I keep slipping back into a deeply ingrained way of thinking and feeling that makes the world around me look pretty punitive.

It isn't punitive and I am not being punished.  Life is just responding and creating , unfolding around me in the purposeful way it does.  What looks like chaos is actually order. What feels like punishment is actually impersonal. It isn't about me at all.

I need to get that in my head when I feel myself getting a bit overwhelmed by the challenges presented by life.  I am not being punished; I am not cursed and this is not some karmic destiny I am experiencing. Life is just doing Life and "I"...who I really am...is watching it unfold. It really isn't about me at all...no matter what the mental experience of it is saying.

All is well!

All is well

Borrowed thought?

Borrowed thoughts, like borrowed money, only show the poverty of the borrower.
-Lady Marguerite Blessington

Hmm!  I have a question of a more practical and technical context.  What does it mean when one's statistics show a referring URL entitled "Plagscan" on more than one occasion?

Does that mean that someone is questioning the authenticity of my material?  I would not mind if that was the case. I mean...I know my citing may be more than a little sloppy at times but plagiarism is not something I would do.  In fact, one could ask my past students what ends I would take when I caught someone doing it. lol.  I was pretty tough when it came to not crediting someone for their thoughts or words. It is like "lying" or "stealing" to me.

Could it mean that someone has been taking my material and calling it their own?  My first thought to that is, "Why on earth?" lol  Then I find myself sincerely hoping that is not the case.  I would have to be pretty tough on those individuals too.  Not because I feel my words are "mine" and I need to cling to them possessively but because of the principal of the thing.  If I failed students for doing so, I would have to pursue any  copyright infringement  all out.

Oh my...this could just be a bunch of egoic paranoia? Maybe it is just a spam thing or a way to advertise?  I don't know.  I just got an unsettling feeling in my gut when I seen that referring site once again today. I don't know why but I did.

Hmmm!

All is well.

Learning from spirituality and science

If I use the term "spirit" or "Self," you might be hesitant to believe me, but if the physicist says the wall is nothing but energy, you will believe that. So using the scientists' language, there is nothing but energy everywhere.  Even the atom is a form of energy.  The same energy appears in different forms to which we also give different names. So the form and name are just different versions of the same energy. And according to the yogic scientists such as Patanjali-behind the different forms of energy is one unchanging consciousness or spirit or Self.
-Satchidananda (page 8)

I have been feeling so off physically the last few days that it is effecting my sleep.  I wake up with the pain and whether I reach for the nitro or not, I know the pain is there for a reason.  It is one of the many, many teachers that have been lecturing me over the last decade or so.  Sometimes what it teaches and how it teaches is as clear as day; other times it is as garbled as the voice of Charlie Brown's teacher. I can't make sense of it.

Not Making Sense of the Lesson

I am having a bit of trouble making sense of it now.  I can  almost see physiologically what is going on in my body in regards to the chest pain but I know the learning my body offers entails much more than that. I am less and less concerned about the physical cause of my pain....of anything really.  I want to understand what it is teaching.

So I lean forward at my little desk and twist my head to strain to hear what the teacher is saying.  I know somehow that its lesson is profound and wise and something I must learn in detail but right now it  just hits me like  garbled nonsense. I don't understand it.   Sigh!

Is there a Relationship Between Spirituality and Science?

In one of my awake moments last night I began to think, without choosing to, about the relationship between two fields of thought I am exploring: spirituality and science.  It got my mind spinning off away from the pain and into  so many different questions and directions.

I watched the biography of Allan Kardec on Netflix the other evening and curiosity led me to purchase the Kindle version of his translated book "The Spirit's Book" which was written in 1857. I have been reading that. I have also been revisiting my fascination of  the work done at The Institute of Noetic Science in California. So much to consider.

What really impacted me was the way Spiritism came to be, expand and flourish despite such resistance from religion and science. And how the work done at IONS is getting done and being received so well by the general population despite such extreme opposition from traditional science. People are called to do this work, most of whom come or  came from very pragmatic and analytical backgrounds. Both the work of Allan Kardec and the work done today by the institute are done using a scientific approach. Both have taken "science" into their approaches to explain what cannot be so obviously "observed" like matter can. And the foundation of both is simply to be able to question what we assume is reality so we may actually as if there is an interconnectedness between all things.

How to make sense of it all?

 So I am left with more questions.  These "unanswered questions" and "understandings" are landing in a pile of all my other recent  learnings and I bet my mind  looks a little like the top of my desk right now. How do I sort out that pile? How do I make sense of it all? How do I get Charlie Brown's teacher to take the darn cotton out of her mouth so I can hear her when she answers the darned questions?

And then there is Yoga

Then I read the sutras or practice hatha or pranayama or read something from a yogi ....and the pieces of both science and spirituality seem to come together. There is a connection!

A Compulsion, much bigger than me

Well I do one thing to help with understanding this  learning.  I come here.  I come here against all my ego's resistance...and despite my love of science.  I come here despite this fear I have of being "excommunicated" by the religious bound society in which I live and the scientific one.

I just feel the pull to come here everyday.  I sit down with my questions and so little knowledge and out it all spills.  I am not sure if it makes sense to anyone else out there.  I am not even sure if it matters if it does.  The pull that makes me come here and spill all my learning, in the most imperfect way I do, upon the page is truly beyond me.

I will probably never understand why I keep coming here.  I will  not understand why I am drawn to this learning.  I don't understand why I am thinking the way I do now. And I do not understand why I feel so very compelled to share it.  I just know that I am and I do and it is what it is.

But man...I need some sleep lol. So I hope it all makes perfect sense to me soon so I can feel good enough to sleep.

It is all good.  All is well in my world.

Obstacles

Press on.  Obstacles are seldom the same size tomorrow as they are today.
Robert Schuller


Shortly after I wrote yesterday's entry I noticed my ticker acting up.  I tried to ignore it so I could go on "doing" for the sake of getting things I started done.  By the time I went for a walk in the woods, like I try to do everyday,   I had to drag myself along.  My body did not want to cooperate at all.

I had little bouts of pain throughout the day telling me it was indeed my heart acting up but it wasn't the pain that stopped me...it was the overall weakness and dizziness. By four in the afternoon I couldn't seem to get off the couch.  I hard a hard time breathing.  I figured  it was a delayed cardiac bout  from the crisis on Monday-Tuesday, from all I was doing to "distract" and find some reprieve "out there" from it, and the muggy weather. I t was soooo muggy.  It was really the first time all summer that I noticed the mugginess to that degree and the effect it had on me. It was like a heavy weight on my chest. 

The body shouted, "That's enough!!! Stop it right now!!! You are not going to "do" one more thing!"  It shouted so  loudly I had no choice but to sigh  and then sink down into the physical experience. I really had to stop doing.

I woke up feeling it  to a much lesser degree but if I do anything that requires effort I feel it in my chest and in my legs. I also get very light headed.  There will be little doing today. It will also  be another nitro day which I haven't had in quite a while. 

And my first question is why? Why so many obstacles when I am so close to getting to where I think I want to be?  Why is my body acting up so dramatically when it was so obedient for so long? Now right before teh finish line it collapses, why? I mean those are  ego question, aren't they? 

Ego is shouting, "Something out there is interfering with my "need" to get things done so I can relieve some of this "lacking" I got going on.  What and why?"  

I want to see and understand my obstacles so I can shout out that they should not be there and then remove them. Ego is not okay with being stuck on this side of the obstacle. It is resisting. Yet here I am.

It is what it is.  My ticker is acting up; my body is doing what it is doing;  circumstances are unfolding or staying curled up in a big boulder of a ball in front of me because it just is. I just have to wait patiently for it all to unfurl...find peace in it, not a mental "explanation" for it. It just is. 

Tomorrow the obstacles may be small enough for me to climb over or maybe they won't be.  It will be what it will be.  Sigh!

All is well

Doing or Being?

Doing can only be fruitful when you get past "neediness" and "lacking".  Until then it will be self-serving not Self and One serving.
-Eckhart Tolle (paraphrased)

Doing

Hmmm!  I have been doing and doing yesterday trying to get the final things done for my yoga studio.  I was pumped.    I have been waiting for this for months...and finally all that was left was the final touches. I was going to offer  a great service in a great space. It was all going to be worth it...all I spent that I didn't have was going to pay off.  All the frustrated waiting was not going to be for nought. There was just some tidying up to do to de-create a scene from the Trailer Park Boys in the outward appearance of my home. So I did and I did and I did.  I had a long list for D. to do too. I was so grateful for the doing...it gave me a wonderful distraction from what I was dealing with earlier this week and I was convinced it was going to take me to that "outcome" I have been anticipating for months.  My doing was going to be fruitful.

Accomplishment?

In the midst of my doing,  there was a cancellation, an innocent comment made about some minor décor detail and an inability to get certain things done because of circumstance. I felt myself suddenly becoming dissatisfied with my situation.  The up I was feeling earlier slipped away so quickly.  I looked about my "almost" ready studio and thought, "I need to do more, get more, have more!"  My mind cried out.  "I do not have enough, this will never be done; how will I make enough to pay for what I lost here." And finally,  "This thing is not doing it for me. It is not enough." I had slipped into the "neediness" and "lacking" that spurred me on this journey in the first place. I realized that the creation of my yoga studio, though a wonderful accomplishment, was not going to "fulfill me" as I thought it would.

Who am I Serving?

As much as I want to serve, as much as I wanted to be a yoga teacher for that reason, there was sadly also an ulterior motive for my doing.  Ego wanted to find satisfaction and it attempted to fill in the holes with doing and striving for an outcome. I looked outward , instead of inward for my fulfillment.  I focused on doing more so than being. In that process, I  realized I was attempting to serve self ( my hungry little ego) and not Self, not the world. 


Is this Yoga?

Isn't it ironic that in my attempt to create a space for yoga I neglected the motivation that yoga is?  I need to turn my sites inward.  It is not the space or the doing that will allow me to live and teach yoga...but the simple being of it.

Hmmm!  Sigh!  so much learning in one week.  :)

All is well!

Eckhart Tolle ( September 2019). Aligning Being and Doing:  Joyful Creation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70F7huPoNeA

Awareness is Wisdom

Awareness is wisdom.  They are one and the same.
-Eckhart Tolle


Oh my!  Ego did slip in yesterday.  As coy and as sneaky as it always is, it slithers under what seems to be "wisdom" to find its mark.  It vents a little anger, a little self righteousness and a little attack when one assumes they are being wise.  I used the terms "incompetence' and "absurdity" in yesterday's entry.  They are ego terms and this morning I feel bad about them.  Who am I to judge incompetence in another?  What good does describing a situation as "absurd" do for humanity?  I was simply venting anger and resentment because things did not turn out the way I (little "me") thought they should.  Outcome did not meet my expectation.

 It turned out exactly as it was meant to...and the "wise" part of me knew that during that evening crisis.  One of the reasons I did not push.  Ego, however, was not asleep throughout that encounter, only pretending to be.

Wow...it is good to be able to see it now though.  So , so much learning.  I am glad that learning excites me so. I obviously am not going to be bored for a while.  :)

If I wish to make a difference in this world from the wise Self...I need to be aware when ego is lingering about. I am learning. Wisdom is awareness.

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness.  Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost.
-Dalai Lama

Wisdom and Intellect

Wisdom is an intuitive knowing that is much deeper than the intellect.
-Eckhart Tolle

Learning to "not close" is not an easy task.  Let me tell ya.  Sometimes, I wonder if it is necessary to close...just a bit...in certain situations.

Closing in Crisis

I found myself sitting in the ER with a loved one a couple of nights ago, my upper body bent  forward, my arms crossed in front of my chest and my face as flat as the Saskatchewan prairie. My body was closed up like  a Tupperware container.

I wanted to come into the ER like a Mom, allowing my feelings and perceptions to flow freely from me. I didn't want to have to use my mind, assuming others would be clearly using theirs. Within moments, however, I knew that was not going to be possible. I had to put away the maternal role and close to some degree.

When Intellect is Needed

I tried to maintain a sense of emotional and mental  control.  My loved one, because of her state of mind, perceived my "cool as a cucumber" outer appearance as cold, condescending indifference and attempted  to use it to push some ego buttons. She was thankfully unsuccessful. My professional and personal experience told me it was necessary to stay far away from ego, at least until we got out of that place. If I and she was going to survive that night I knew it was necessary to close egos off.  

In order to function...to keep my head clear so I could evaluate the situation...with my intellect...(this was indeed one of those times that intellect was very much needed)... I had to be clear and cool. To make necessary choices that others didn't seem to be able to make... I knew  I had to close down the outer layers of me so ego daggers ( both my own and those of others) did not pierce through to cloud my judgment. Oh...it was difficult, dealing with the life threatening nature of the circumstances,  dealing with her behaviour,  and dealing with the professionals who were making assumptions and judgments that could have been potentially lethal.  Some closing was necessary.

Staying Open to Wisdom

That closing down of the outer layers of me to the outside world, however, is not the same as closing down to the internal layers where wisdom sits. I did close down to some aspects of my moment but I was open to Self where calm and peace are.  As much as I needed my intellect, I needed that calm. I needed that peace. I needed that wisdom that can only be found in that center of Self. Wisdom implies you are connected with [Self]. (Tolle)

So I took a deep breath and called upon both my intellect and my inner wisdom to get us all through that awful night. (oops I described it as "awful" and it wasn't...it simply was what it was.).  While others, who clearly didn't understand the seriousness of the situation,  were telling me what was going on, I sat quietly and listened.  Though I explained my interpretation, I didn't defend myself against the judgments and assumptions made.  I didn't get angry and attack. Though ego certainly started to grumble and growl within me  at what I thought was complete incompetence and absurdity....I was able to sink back down into Self and notice that the individual did believe he was helping and was actually attempting to be kind and nonjudgmental.  I found myself appreciative of that attempt. 

I also realized and accepted that she would not get the help she needed there that night.  It would not be safe to leave her.  I could have pushed for what should have been provided without my asking but I didn't.  Something in me knew that it was not the time or place.

So I took over without anyone probably noticing I took over and guided the situation back with wisdom's help. We went home  and it was a very, very rough night but we got through it.  We went for help the next day to set her up with at least some of  the help she  needed.

Realization

I realized, however,  that the true help was not going to come from professionals or family members.  It had to come from her and her tapping into her own source of wisdom.  I also realized how utterly powerless I, as one human being, was in attempting to "help' her.  It wasn't my journey after all. This was between her and Life and though I would continue to do whatever I could to preserve that life...it was ultimately and very sadly an outcome I could not control.

Taking Off the Shield: Going Back to "Not Closing"

 I also knew that this shield I wore around myself that night was not something I could wear all the time. It was much, much too heavy.  Closing is heavy!!! I would be no help to her in the long run if I collapsed from that weight.  It was time to step back and heal a bit myself before I could  be there to offer presence when she began to heal herself. I decided, at some point, I would leave this to God and not to my ego or the egos of others.

Hmmm!  My message: yes there are times when we need to create distance between the outside world and our egoic emotional reactions,  so we can function with clear intellects in challenging situations.  There are times we may need to close just a bit. At those times we can still be open to the wisdom within. When the crisis is over or at least subdued, however,  remove the shield. Be open to both the inner and outer Life once again. 

All is well!

Doing what we ought

Do what you ought and trust what may be.
Johann Wolfgang Van Goethe

So what is all this stuff about life purpose that others speak about?  Though being is more important than doing, we know we have to "do" something while we are here. What do we do to fill in our time and benefit the world at large?

I try to avoid labels to define me or my roles these days but if I had to, the two most authentic labels I could apply to myself are "writer" and "teacher".  I can use those descriptions in good conscious, certainly not based on talent or ability,  but because I think, feel and behave like a writer and teacher. 

My first thought when I experience anything is..."Oh I could write about that!" My second thought is, "I could teach people about what I am learning through this experience!" I am constantly putting my thoughts together in some logical, readable form. I am constantly teaching to learn and learning to teach.   

So when I combine those two roles into my life purpose what do I come up with?  A desire to teach through the written word.  That is why I am here writing on this blog right now.  That is why I also intend to take all I have written here and put it in some publishable form. (most of it is already copy right protected for that purpose)   Eventually, I will get it published and out there to those who may want it.  But I won't get too attached to outcomes.  I will let Life do the remaining work after I do my part. For now, I can only focus on doing "what I ought".

All is well.

Shakti: The Love of Life

The most difficult thing-but an essential one-is to love Life, to love it even while one suffers, because Life is all. Life is God, and to love Life means to love God.
Leo Tolstoy

Wow!  My head is full, my heart is heavy and my body is tired and sore. lol...This is an experience of dis-harmony; dis-ease and simply being out of balance. I am not settling into Self but temporarily operating from a 'driver-less'  mind instead.

At the same time witness consciousness is watching, observing without judgment this human tendency within me. As a person who gets excited about learning...I am in awe as I watch myself .  Even though, mind 'thinks' I would rather be or 'should' be experiencing the joy of sun and Self  rather than this dense cloud cover between them...it is still so very interesting.

I guess, I am a bit in awe as an objective observer standing in the back ground of my psyche.  As I look about I can see we are all in here. :) (No...I am not in a dissociative fugue("multiple  personality" reaction)...I promise...lol) .  I just see the different elements of Shakti at work.

I ask, "Am I closed or open to Shakti?"

It is just so cool to look at this sense of un-ease from the view of Self without attachment to it, without judgment, without a heck of a lot of words to wrap around it.  It just is and because it is...it should be.  There is no need to resist it, fight it, or struggle against it.  This is what is unfolding in this moment and it is perfect simply because it is. The more I watch this...the more excited I get.  It is so weird lol.

What is Shakti?

I wanted to get a better mental grip on what Shakti is (to appease my chattering ego).  Shakti, as described by Michael Singer, is the energy of spirit that flows beneath the mind.  This differs somewhat from B.K.S. Iyengar's definition that Shakti includes the mind stuff. So wanting to fully understand what I am watching inside me with the mind first, I am looking for other definitions and descriptions of it.

Dr Swami Shankardev Saraswati and Jayne Stevenson from the Yoga site Big Shakti describe it as  the creative energy of the universe. They write that it is the essence of feeling good and everything that has this energy flowing trough it is alive, illuminous and desirable. Most importantly, they describe it as the foundation for consciousness...not necessarily all of consciousness but the foundation for it. When directed inward it allows us to raise our consciousness so we can become connected to something greater, to the Source and all as One.  It  is not our true essence...it leads us to it. 

 In Hinduism Shakti is personified as the  Goddess of creation. The Chopra Center describes it as a divine cosmic energy that moves through the universe. It is a universal source of energy, power and creation.  

In Taoist terminology it might be called Chi. In Christian terminology it might be defined as the "Holy Spirit".  In ACIM it is the Holy Spirit that can lead us to our source.

So ?

Shakti...or whatever word you use to call it, is the energy that vibrates under the surface of our superficial beings.  It is the Life force, the prana, the joy and bliss of our existence.  It is what moves us toward the essence of who we truly are and back to God or Source . When we are open to it, feeling it, sinking into it...we feel joy, love, wellness etc.  We love Life.

When mind gets in the way with its very limited degree of Shakti energy, telling us that this moment right here is not what we want for whatever it judges it as...we may be closed to it. We not love Life so much.

So even when mind attempts to convince us that the moment is "wrong" the Life force energy of Shakti still flows through us...we just cannot feel it because we are closed to it.

When we open up and allow the moment to be what it is without resisting it or struggling against it ( not closing)...we feel it, no matter what is going on around us or within us.  We love Life!

Hmm!  So I guess I am feeling Shakti because I am loving Life right now regardless of what she is throwing in my direction. I am excited about my new discoveries as I study self and Self in action.  That is pretty cool.



References

B.K.S. Iyengar. (2014 )  Yoga: The  Path to Holistic Health. New York: Penguin Random house

Michael A. Singer (2007) the untethered soul. Oakland: New Harbinger

Dr. Swami Shankardev Saraswati & Jayne Stevenson ( August 2015) What is Shakti? from Bigshaktihttps://www.bigshakti.com/what-is-shakti/.  

Shakti: A Universal Force. (n.d.) Editors at The Chopra Center. https://chopra.com/article/shakti-universal-force

Karmic Lift

Alas, two souls are living in my breast,

And one wants to separate itself from the other.

One holds fast to the world with earthly passion

And clings with twining tendrils:

The other lifts itself with forceful craving

To the very roof of heaven.

 

-Goethe in Faust

 

Sigh! I want to lifted to the roof of heaven but ego "keeps pulling me back in!" lol.  It is all good.  It is exactly as it is meant to be for now.

 

 

Have a heavy heart and a disturbed mind as I continue to react to circumstances (or phenomena) occurring around me.  I see a reflection of my "disturbance"  as more and more mentally judged "unwanted" circumstances unfold before me. I'm closing. 

 

Closing?

 

I am forgetting my practice commitment to not close and I close.  The body closes.  I close my jaws; the space between my belly and thighs which is a common reaction to trauma (iliopsoas contraction) and other muscles tighten, contract in a retraction from the moment.  I close my mind by "enduring" this moment rather than being in awe of it.  I close my heart in an attempt to not feel the pain others around me are experiencing and sharing.  When I can't do that (I just seem to soak up pain others have?) I go back to the mind so it numbs me with useless thought and story.  Sigh! I am closing.

 

When I am closed not only am I physically sore lol I am mentally and emotionally sore.  The worse thing is I don't look about me with awe and amazement. I am not  consumed by the miracle that is life.  Instead I kind of "think" and "want" a bit of a break from it, from people and their pain,.  I withdraw and retreat.

 

Karma?

 

In my old understand of Karma, I would ask: "Why is this happening to me?  What have I done in the past to deserve this?"   It is almost if there is some heavy cloud attached to me. I feel it so intensely at times.  I look around other family members and I see it attached to them as well. One circumstance after another.  Why?

 

I can't answer why but  I  find a bit of peace knowing that I might be  living out my karma.  I settle into  enduring my life.  Ego begins to hold fast to this world by attempting to rearrange its circumstances and to get "more" from it...clinging to any semblance of okayness I can get from each moment.

 

Yet, there is something in me that says, "No!  no!  Lady, you got it all wrong! Karma yoga is all about how you relate to the outside world...and this...this is not how you are supposed to do it! You are not supposed to shrink away from it or "endure it"!  

 

This moment is not yours.  It is not here to "punish" you.  It is not about "you' at all.  It is simply unfolding in front of you. It does not have a problem with "you" and you do not have to have a problem with It. The one who is clear in mind does not have a problem with the  moment.  They are in awe of it!"

 

Karma yoga is not all about serving out some punishment, it is about serving the world.  We can only serve the world when our minds are clear.  We have to have clear minds in order to do that.  If we want to help create harmony in the world, we first need to create harmony within ourselves. We need to let go of our clinging with twining tendrils. Take the "me' out of the moment and serve with the open Self. You do not use the moment to fix what is out of harmony within you...as the closed self tends to do.  You allow the moment to use you for the benefit of all.

 

When we get there the other lifts us to the roof of heaven.  When we are lifted, the world is lifted.

 

Hmmm!  Just some food for thought!

 

 

 

Wayne Dyer (2006) Living an Inspired Life. Hay house

 

Michael Singer...Untethered Soul Lectures (sorry, not sure which volumes) 

River of Joy Beneath Phenomena

There is a beautiful river of joy that flows within you all the time-nothing can take you from that but you.
-Michael Singer

I am not going to let phenomena close me!

That is the mantra we need to be constantly repeating.  That is the commitment we need to make so we stop reacting in a less than healthy way to phenomena...all that unfolds in front of us and within our superficial layers.

Manipulating Phenomena

So many of us are on the kick of attempting to manipulate the outside world so it becomes something that will prevent us from being disturbed. We seek to do more, gain more, be more in the eyes of the world. We defend and attack.  We control and try to fix everything we assume is broken and we want. 

Wanting

We want! We use "The Law of Attraction" in hope to manifest all the things we think we want into our lives. We may even sit in "japa" meditation every morning and evening visualizing what we want.  We act as if we have it.  We affirm and put it out there.  "This is what I want!!!"...we scream out to the universe.

This is neither right or wrong but the question to ask is , "Am I getting what I truly, truly want by doing this? What is it that I am hoping to gain from the phenomena I am hoping, praying, visualizing  will show up, or in some cases be removed from my life experience?"

What you truly want

 It isn't the car or the house, the six  figure salary  you want, is it?  It is a sense of being enough, having enough that you are  truly seeking from this material abundance , isn't it?  It is not the soul mate but the sense of being loved and having the opportunity to love.  It is not the fame and recognition but the sense of belonging to something bigger than yourself.  It is not the perfect body but the sense of wellness a healthy body can provide.  It is not the exciting life full of one extreme adventure after another that will make your Facebook buddies sigh with jealousy that you honestly seek, but joy. What you are actually seeking through your striving and your wanting,  is to be enough, love, belonging, wellness, and joy.

You are also not seeking to end a bad relationship, shrink a tumour,  get out of debt, or get rid of your demanding boss.  You are simply trying to get rid of "disturbance"  that you figure this phenomena is causing in your body, heart or mind.

But...

What if you were to know...I mean really know...that you didn't have to be disturbed...that peace is your natural state. What if you knew that you are already enough, that you are a source of unlimited love, that you do belong to the greatest thing there is, that you are well and that you are joy?  Would you still feel the need to react to or manipulate the occurrence of phenomena in your life then? I don't think so.

Yoga is one name for the spiritual path many take to know this truth.  It teaches that spirituality is about "not wanting", about knowing the truth of who we already are and not needing to manipulate the outside world so we do not get disturbed. It is about being able to stay open to all the phenomena that shows up in each moment of our lives.

How the heck do I stay open then?

Practice not closing

Singer teaches that the practice doesn't involve repeated attempts to stay open but to "not close." It is much easier to stop doing something we have a tendency to do than it is to do something we really don't know how to do.

We practice not closing when phenomena shows up.  We practice not resisting or struggling against what is  and that will prevent us from closing.  And heck if we don't close...we are open.  We have accepted and surrendered to what is.

And what is? 

This river of never ending joy, peace, love, belonging and wellness is what is!

We just have to stop closing ourselves to it so we can sink back down into it.

All is well!

Michael A. Singer (November, 2018) What do you really want? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-9j3AjdO3E

A "deeper" look at phenomena

The outer form is a temporary reflection of what you are within, your essence.  That is why love and beauty can never leave you although all outer form will.
Eckhart Tolle

I want to look at phenomena a little more and our reaction to it.

Temporary

Phenomena or things that occur in form are temporary and fleeting.  We get that right? Most of what the conscious self experiences is what is on the superficial layer.  When we think we want abundance, we tend to think in terms of "things" and "more".  We want more things. We want "certain" things on the outside of us to show up or go away.

Accept What is first!

 We may get what we think we want, we may not.  We get things we don't want in our lives too. But the trick is to accept the form in whatever way it shows up in the now of our existence, no matter how limiting it is, how our mind judges it as unwanted.  (This includes  accepting that the wanted is not yet in your life.) Accept first and know that because it is phenomena, this situation you are experiencing  will not last.  "This too shall pass." We accept what is, surrender to the now of our lives...first!

Depth

Eckhart Tolle, among many, many masters,  teaches that there is a depth to what is in this moment , whether the mind sees it or not, that is much, much deeper than form.  This depth connects you to the depth within you, the depth that is you. It connects you to your essence. When we open up to the moment regardless of what it is presenting in terms of phenomena we sink into this depth.

Yet why are we not open?

Our Natural State

Michael Singer echoes the truth that many yogic masters speak to.  Our natural state, this depth,  is one of peace, wellness, love and joy.  It is not one of "disturbance" .  Our essence is naturally peaceful.  It is where love and beauty are found and never go away. So no matter what phenomena is going on in the upper layer of existence at the deepest level  we remain peaceful.

The Ripples

What stops us from experiencing this peace all the time is the fact that we are letting mind run the show.  We are allowing mind to tell us that our present moments are unpleasant, uncomfortable and therefore unacceptable.

We may initially feel disturbed by the tings that are going on around us.  When mind feels "disturbance" it tries to neutralize the so called problem with thinking...so the thoughts start spilling in ...randomly and out of control...that take us farther and farther away from this peaceful, natural state of Self.

When we resist what is, we close up to it and we close up to It...our essence. As long as mind is keeping us lost in thinking, we cannot feel the peaceful still presence of Self...we are focusing on the ripples on the surface, not the stillness below. We are lost in the mind and all its reactive and unhealthy ways of coping with "disturbance." We identify with it.  We cannot seem to make that distinction between the surface phenomena and who we really are.  We are indeed lost.

So what do we do next...besides learning to accept what is? 

We learn to control the mind. We work on the mind, do the inner work of working on our triggers and reactions.  We do not go out into the external world and try to change everything , fix everything, control everything out there so it doesn't "disturb" us.  that is an impossible mission but that is what so many of us do. We need to prevent or at least limit the ripples instead.

If you can control the rising of the mind into ripples, you will experience Yoga. -Patanjali

Yoga, of course, is that union with Self...is that falling into depth of essence where peace and love and joy  and beauty are. It is a connection to what is really important, to what we really want whether we know it consciously or not.  It is where abundant Life, which is not a life of more things and perfect phenomena, is...it is where a Life of deeper abundance can be found. (Tolle).

I have come so that you may have  life and  have it more abundantly.
James 10:10 NKJV

Requires work and practice

To retrain these minds so they are not constantly running off like misbehaving monkeys, requires some work on our part.  If we do not constantly want to react to phenomena in a less than healthy way, if we want to learn to accept, relax and  surrender to what is and be able to stay in Self...we have to commit to working on the mind. 

We have to be willing to sit in witness consciousness again and again as we observe what our minds are doing and learn from the gross mistakes they make in their attempts to return to mental homeostasis. What triggers us and why... so we can bring ourselves back to the moment and the depth of Self.

We have to know that the mind is only trying to help us...it is only running the show because we have jumped out of the driver seat while the car is still running. Without a driver, mind  is all over the place.  We need to get back behind the wheel and practice using the accelerator and brakes in the way they were meant to be used. We need to practice using our conscious awareness to slow the vehicles we are in down.  We need to learn what makes us want to slam on the brakes too early, what makes us want to lay on the accelerator too much etc.  etc. It won't be easy, according to Singer, but working on us is worth it in the long run.

We can learn to live in peace no matter what phenomena is going on up there. We can settle into the arms of Self and live from there...the way we were meant to.  We just need to take care of our minds.

All is well!


Sri Swami Satchidananda (2012) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Yogaville: Integral Yoga Publications

Michael Singer (August, 2018) Taking charge of Your Inner Greatness-Volume 8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSzhP04g5ys

Michael A. Singer( August, 2018 ) Your Direct Path to Inner Freedom-Volume 9 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Y0onz7aPr8

Eckhart Tolle (Oct, 2018) Don't Get Disturbed by Events.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSD8vkcRGCE

Phenomena

Phenomena exist; that help and harm obviously come from  them is a sign they exist.  However, they are empty of existing in the way in which they appear to us.  That phenomena cannot be found under ultimate analysis indicates that they are not truly or inherently existent.
-Dalai Lama

Say what Dalai Lama?

Understanding this is important to our understanding of Self.  Though phenomena in the world of "form" exists in the perceptual sense, i.e. we can pick it up with our five senses and we "react" or "respond" to it...at a deeper level it is not all that real.  Hmm!

What is Physical Phenomena?

Physical phenomena, according to Buddhist teachings,  are "things" of matter that occur in the mind, the body or the external world that are existent and functional to an extent. They are "things" and "thoughts" are among those things.

Now, according to his holiness,  we know they exist because we will react or respond to them in a helpful way or a harmful way.

For example, you are walking down the street and  bump into someone you know but have not seen for a while.  The person, the circumstance is the phenomena. Automatically the senses pick up all the information about the person and circumstance: the look of the person, the sound of their voice, the feel of them etc as well as the environment they are in at the time. You  react or respond to the situation making it seem that it was the phenomena itself that led to the reaction or response.  Therefore we can say phenomena exists.

We need to investigate a little closer..

Such a chance encounter  does, however, go beyond the obvious phenomena to a deeper level of "conscious" phenomena.  We encounter the individual and we do perceive everything at a physical level. Then the mind tries to process that perceptual information.  Memory banks are opened and more information (more phenomena) enters the mind. Past experiences of pleasure and pain with this person or place  are remembered...more phenomena.  Judgments are made about those past experiences.  It was good or it was bad.  The judgments are phenomena.  Then we either feel glad to bump into this person, (the feelings of happiness and joy are phenomena)....or we fear, get angry and upset because we judge it as an unfortunate event.  We then respond or react creating more phenomena. We either slap the person across the face or hug them, depending on how the Shakti was stimulated.

Say what?

Let's get back to Iyengar's description of the three layers of being.  We, as these little selves in bodies and minds, moving around the physical world will experience physical phenomena.  We will have circumstances, people, things showing up in our lives and we will take in the information through our senses about those things.  That will then stimulate the "Shakti"(the middle layer of being) within us...in a helpful way or a harmful way.  Phenomena stimulates energy  and it is the energy that creates the reactive tendencies within us. We react to phenomena. How we react will take us either closer to Self (the inner most layer of being) or further away.   If we feel good...something within us opens and we feel the joy from within pulling us closer to Self.  If we feel bad...we close up, the cloud cover thickens between us and Self. 

We are not actually reacting to Phenomena

Now the reaction to phenomena was not a knee jerk response to the thing or person that showed up in our lives...it goes deeper than that. It was  the mental judgment and interpretations we made about it that stimulated the Shakti energy in either a helpful or harmful way.  It was the labelling it good and a "wanted' experience or our labelling it bad and an "unwanted " experience that led to the reactive experience.  The phenomena itself was neither good or bad but the thinking about it made it so.

The reaction was harmful if it led us to slap the person across the face because not only did we hurt them...we hurt ourselves by closing up and getting farther away from the Peace of Self.  The reaction was helpful if it led us to hug and welcome the person in a warm embrace not only because that probably made the other person feel good but at that moment we were opened up , the cloud cover between us and the Love Self was very thin or non existent. 

It was never the phenomena, never the thing, the person or the circumstance that led to either reaction.  It was whether we were open to allow Shakti to pull us into Self or whether we closed up and pushed Shakti away so we didn't experience It,  that defined the experience.  Therefore we can say that  phenomena are not truly or inherently existent.

Shakti is the beautiful energy inside of you...that comes and goes because of the opening and closing of your heart.
-Michael Singer

All is well!

Phenomena exist; that help and harm obviously come from  them is a sign they exist.  However, they are empty of existing in the way in which they appear to us.  That phenomena cannot be found under ultimate analysis indicates that they are not truly or inherently existent.
-Dalai Lama

Say what Dalai Lama?

Understanding this is important to our understanding of Self.  Though phenomena in the world of "form" exists in the perceptual sense, i.e. we can pick it up with our five senses and we "react" or "respond" to it...at a deeper level it is not all that real.  Hmm!

What is Physical Phenomena?

Physical phenomena, according to Buddhist teachings,  are "things" of matter that occur in the mind, the body or the external world that are existent and functional to an extent. They are "things" and "thoughts" are among those things.

Now, according to his holiness,  we know they exist because we will react or respond to them in a helpful way or a harmful way.

For example, you are walking down the street and  bump into someone you know but have not seen for a while.  The person, the circumstance is the phenomena. Automatically the senses pick up all the information about the person and circumstance: the look of the person, the sound of their voice, the feel of them etc as well as the environment they are in at the time. You  react or respond to the situation making it seem that it was the phenomena itself that led to the reaction or response.  Therefore we can say phenomena exists.

We need to investigate a little closer..

Such a chance encounter  does, however, go beyond the obvious phenomena to a deeper level of "conscious" phenomena.  We encounter the individual and we do perceive everything at a physical level. Then the mind tries to process that perceptual information.  Memory banks are opened and more information (more phenomena) enters the mind. Past experiences of pleasure and pain with this person or place  are remembered...more phenomena.  Judgments are made about those past experiences.  It was good or it was bad.  The judgments are phenomena.  Then we either feel glad to bump into this person, (the feelings of happiness and joy are phenomena)....or we fear, get angry and upset because we judge it as an unfortunate event.  We then respond or react creating more phenomena. We either slap the person across the face or hug them, depending on how the Shakti was stimulated.

Say what?

Let's get back to Iyengar's description of the three layers of being.  We, as these little selves in bodies and minds, moving around the physical world will experience physical phenomena.  We will have circumstances, people, things showing up in our lives and we will take in the information through our senses about those things.  That will then stimulate the "Shakti"(the middle layer of being) within us...in a helpful way or a harmful way.  Phenomena stimulates energy  and it is the energy that creates the reactive tendencies within us. We react to phenomena. How we react will take us either closer to Self (the inner most layer of being) or further away.   If we feel good...something within us opens and we feel the joy from within pulling us closer to Self.  If we feel bad...we close up, the cloud cover thickens between us and Self. 

We are not actually reacting to Phenomena

Now the reaction to phenomena was not a knee jerk response to the thing or person that showed up in our lives...it goes deeper than that. It was  the mental judgment and interpretations we made about it that stimulated the Shakti energy in either a helpful or harmful way.  It was the labelling it good and a "wanted' experience or our labelling it bad and an "unwanted " experience that led to the reactive experience.  The phenomena itself was neither good or bad but the thinking about it made it so.

The reaction was harmful if it led us to slap the person across the face because not only did we hurt them...we hurt ourselves by closing up and getting farther away from the Peace of Self.  The reaction was helpful if it led us to hug and welcome the person in a warm embrace not only because that probably made the other person feel good but at that moment we were opened up , the cloud cover between us and the Love Self was very thin or non existent. 

It was never the phenomena, never the thing, the person or the circumstance that led to either reaction.  It was whether we were open to allow Shakti to pull us into Self or whether we closed up and pushed Shakti away so we didn't experience It,  that defined the experience.  Therefore we can say that  phenomena are not truly or inherently existent.

Shakti is the beautiful energy inside of you...that comes and goes because of the opening and closing of your heart.
-Michael Singer

All is well!

Buddhist Analysis: Types of Phenomena. From: Study Buddhism by Berzin Archives
 (https://studybuddhism.com/en/advanced-studies/abhidharma-tenet-systems/types-of-phenomena/using-buddhist-metaphysics-to-analyze-a-problem/buddhist-analysis-types-of-phenomena)

B.K.S. Iyengar (2014) Yoga: The Path to Holistic Health. New York: Penguin Random House

Michael Singer (July, 2018) Author's Insights on The Untethered Soul-Volume 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTytKupYUw4

Buddhist Analysis: Types of Phenomena. From: Study Buddhism by Berzin Archives
 (https://studybuddhism.com/en/advanced-studies/abhidharma-tenet-systems/types-of-phenomena/using-buddhist-metaphysics-to-analyze-a-problem/buddhist-analysis-types-of-phenomena)

B.K.S. Iyengar (2014) Yoga: The Path to Holistic Health. New York: Penguin Random House

Michael Singer (July, 2018) Author's Insights on The Untethered Soul-Volume 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTytKupYUw4

Sleepless in...

The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences.
-The Third Patriarch of Zen

I awoke at 430 with a hot flash and the mind was already to whirl away. I heard Rumi, somewhere in the background of my psyche, whispering, "Don't go back to sleep!"  I crawled out of bed, got myself a cup of hot camomile tea and plopped myself down here. Damn Rumi lol.

I have been reacting to some stressors: an unfinished basement project that is costing me more money than I have and also leaving me with this deep sense of incompleteness and hopelessness. My expectations for cost and time frame went way over what I was expecting they would and instead of making any return on my investment I am losing, and losing, and losing money I don't have at this moment, students and opportunities. Well, so it seems to my overactive mind. My youngest is having adjustment issues...I know she doesn't want to be in the program she is in right now but I need to let her figure it all out. I worry about my son and his future. The sentencing/bail hearing is definitely today for someone close.  My heart breaks and fears at the same time though I tell myself I don't want to think about it. I feel it all physically rumbling around inside me.  The reactive and unstable energy of Shakti is flowing in many directions at once. It "disturbs" me and my normal inclination is to want to fix it.

Singer tells us that en route to being more spiritually connected we go through three stages:

1. We notice that we are in here with all this stuff going on, with all the energy flowing around, all the mind stuff, the feelings, the preferences, the interpretations and judgments, the body symptoms etc etc.  We are in here with all this.
2. We notice how all this energy/Shakti/ cloud/ mental modifications react to the outside world...(what I am noticing as I write this). We feel "disturbed".
3. Then we ask, "How do I fix it, control it and make it all better so I no longer feel disturbed?" That is exactly why I got up and came here.

The problem is that most of us will try to fix it all by going to the outside world, that which seems to be the cause of all our disturbance.  For example you feel lonely...you pray that someone shows up in the outside world to take your loneliness away or you go looking for someone.  You feel unloved, you pray for someone to come around who will make you feel loved all the time or you go looking. You feel lacking  so you pray for material wealth or you set out to achieve it.

What we fail to realize is that the things we want...a sense of belonging, love and abundance are things that are already in us.  They aren't out there.  What we should be praying for is a connection to that feeling of belonging, love and abundance rather than the thing we assume will bring it.

I woke up disturbed by what is going on in my life and I wanted peace. I guess I knew I couldn't fix it out there...I had to fix my energy levels in here, where "I" am. It is an inside job that begins with accepting things as they are.

All is well in my world.

Michael A. Singer: Untethered Soul Lectures (sorry listened to a bunch of them and not sure which one)

Receiving not doing

How do I receive this moment right in front of me?



Oh I embraced my moments today.  I went out and enjoyed a lovely walk in the woods with D. and the dogs.  The sun was shining and I stopped several times to soak it up.  I felt its warmth, its light, its presence soaking right through me...but that, of course, brought me back into my mind and what I wrote about this am. lol.  Mind" keeps pulling me back in!" lol. 

Not sitting well

Something from my last entry didn't sit well with me in the conceptual part of my mind.  It isn't important because it is just a concept but because my mind is still so active in its need to use ideas and words to understand things, I felt the slight "disturbance" of it.  I wanted to escape that disturbance.


What we "do" with this moment?

Anyway...it dawned on me that the thing I found somewhat unsettling was Michael Singer's statement that the real spiritual question we need to ask ourselves is, "What do I do with this moment right in front of me?" I understood exactly what he meant when I first heard that...the exact choice of  words had no real significance other than being pointers to a greater understanding. 

Yet...unbeknownst to me...the "do" in that statement left an impression on my mind. I judged it.  To "do" to me means to actively pursue an activity...to fix...to strive etc. After all the learning I did about the importance of being over doing...that one word hit my psyche in a negative way.  It felt counterproductive.  I didn't like it.  It disturbed me and I felt a need to fix it. Awe...back in mind I went.

Anyway using my mind I rephrased that statement so it settled better in my psyche and allowed me to once again open up to the experience of sun...to my soul! I rephrased it to "How am I going to "receive" this moment "right" here in front of me? "

That just felt so much better to me.  I could relax in that statement because this choice of words had a different symbolic representation for me than "do" did.

This question means to me that it is most important how we receive the moment than what we actually do with it.  How open and accepting of it are we? Do we receive it with defense and attack, resistance and struggle?  Do we receive it numbly or absent mindedly?  Do we receive it with hate and anger, frustration and complaint?  Do we receive it with avoidance and denial?

Or do we receive it with openness, acceptance and love?  Do we receive it with curiosity and awe?  Do we receive it with utter appreciation and amazement?

Receive requires no effort other than opening and closing to what is. It implies more of a surrender and a letting go to what is than "doing" does.

Hmmm! So what is my point of this ramble?

First of all,  I want to explain that words are just pointers and symbols of a greater truth.  They themselves mean little.  Whether Singer used "do"  or " received" is irrelevant.  As soon as I read that statement, I knew what he meant.  That is what is important.

Yet, it is beneficial  to show an example of how quickly the mind steps in to judge, to disturb, to attempt to fix what we receive.  Mind will come in when it comes to words and concepts.  It prefers things a certain way.  "I accepted "do" but my mind didn't. So still being so much in my mind ...I allowed mind to attempt to  fix it. It came up with another question to ask on our spiritual journey.  Neither right or wrong...it just did and that statement does "feel" a little easier for me to absorb for whatever reason so I will accept it.

Secondly, maybe you find it easier to absorb as well. "Receive" your moment with an open heart and you experience reality.  Witnessing and experiencing reality can instill joy and awe in us because Life, with all its ups and downs, is a miraculous thing to uphold. We really have to "do" nothing.  It does all!

All is well!

How to thin the cloud cover over Self: Step One

If I keep missing reality, I will miss my life.
-Michael Singer

Step One: Accept what is

The first step to thinning that cloud cover that prevents us from experiencing the true joy of Living that comes when we reacquaint ourselves with the true Self...is acceptance of the now.  We need to accept what is as it is.

I know we talked about this many, many times before but Michael Singer offers some new insight into the "challenge'' and importance of surrendering to the present moment in Michael A. Singer: Honoring and Respecting Reality-Vol 7 The Untethered Soul Lectures.  Spirituality, he teaches, has little to do with the question, "Why am I here? Why is this happening to me? How do I fix it? ....It is all about asking the question, "What am I going to do with this moment right in front of me?"

What am I going to do with this moment right in front of me?

We have several options but for most of us we choose to take this moment of our life to the mind rather than experiencing it fully.

• We question our experience as to why it is happening; what is meant by it; what it will mean in the next moment etc. We analyze it to death.
• We judge it. We talk ourselves into believing it is good or bad, right or wrong, worthy or unworthy etc.
• Or we complain about it.  "It is too hot.  She is so annoying! This is terrible!  That is just wrong, bad or awful!"
• We may should it to death: "This should be a different way!  This should not be happening right now! "
• We may spend much mental energy scheming and planning ways  try to fix it or get a better "next' moment!  "If I do this I will make it better!  If I say that she will react differently."
• We delve into past memories.
• We dive into future projection.
• We resist it.  "No...no I will not tolerate this!!"
• We may numb the mind from it with any substance or activity that takes us away from the moment.
• We deny it or avoid it.  Close our eyes to what is.
• We create story around it so at least we can escape into drama and other reaction.
• We rationalize why it is happening. What event triggered or caused it?
• We narrate our way through it because words and thought often have a numbing effect.
• We use it as a means to get to the next moment:  "I will endure here so I can get there where things will be better."
• We skip out of the reality of experience and slip into the sleep of thought.
• We make it all about "me" .

Hmmm! These methods of dealing with the here and now are what most of us do so they are actually considered normal! Missing reality is a conditioned response to living.

But it doesn't have to be this way.  We can instead...decide to stay present and not go into the mind. How?

• We can deal with one moment at a time as it shows up in front of us.
• We can stop questioning why something is happening or popping up in front of us and just accept that it is. 
• We can stop personalizing it and know that what is showing up in front of us is a creation that took billions of years to manifest through many and many different sources.  It had very little to do with us!
• We can also stop blaming ourselves for it or struggling to make it something it isn't by  using this axiom from Alanon to our advantage, "I didn't break it and I can't fix it. "
• We can relax into it rather than resisting or struggling against it.
• We can respond rather than react.
• Put aside judgment of it. The world is not unfolding for you to judge it. (Singer)
• Stop narrating our way through it.
• Realize that this moment, as it is , is reality and reality is a manifestation of God. (Singer)
• It is perfect just the way it is. Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." (Hamlet) 
• Not only that... it is awe inspiring to witness creation unfolding in front of us and each moment is a moment of creation. How lucky we are to witness Life.
• Be in awe of it...whatever it entails.
• Honor and respect it!

Hmm!  Can we try that instead of getting lost in our minds?  I am confident we will see a great thinning of the cloud between us and Self if we do!

All is well!

Singer, Michael (Aug, 2018) Michael A. Singer: Honoring and Respecting Reality. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhaMrMZS6YI

Between the Body and the Soul

The most important aspect of a human being is the part which lies between the outer skin and the innermost soul-the Shakti, which includes the mind, intellect, emotions, vital energy, the sense of "I", and the conscience.  These are different in every human being, and that makes us individually both mysterious and unique.
-B.K.S. Iyengar, from Yoga: The Path to Holistic Health, page 56

Hmmm!  I am still a little hung up on my entry yesterday.  I want to introduce a new 'idea' to my already overloaded mind...but need to be clear about my thought process from yesterday. We were talking about It...the home where joy exists.  I know, ultimately, It has very little to do with conceptually understanding this, of being able to analyze It with mind or to put It  into words that make sense.  This thing I refer to as It  is something that goes beyond the mind and must be felt and experienced.  Still I use the tool of mind and words to point us there...if I can, that is.

 

The Outer Skin

 

Yesterday I referred to Michael Singer's explanation about the three basic layers of our existence. Today, I am adding Iyengar's yogic interpretation to it.  On the most superficial level, we have the "little me' on the surface moving  around the planet doing all the things humans do.  The most superficial layer is where many of us are and where many of us stay until we die but it is a place that is foreign to us.  We are in it but not of it.  It is a place dependent on the five senses and the body for survival.  In its visibility, it is very physical, matter and body centered.

 

Most of us just want to leave it at that but as we awaken for whatever reason and in whatever way...we are drawn deeper,

 

The Inner Most Soul

 

At the deepest level, we have the "most innermost soul"...the true Self, the seat of awareness, ultimate consciousness, Spirit, One, pure intelligence,  and what is referred to as purusha in ancient Sanskrit. It is this deep level where joy and the creative life force exists, where it always existed and it is where we experience It and know It.  It is where what many of us call God can be found. Yet It is inexplicable, invisible, cannot be named, cannot be understood with thought.  It is pure infinite space where all things originate. In quantum physics It is called The field.

 

It is a place we want to be.  It is home. Some thing is constantly pulling us there. Yet it is beyond perceptual understanding in its matter less state. Singer refers to it as the sun in its example.

 

 

In Between

 

And in between these two layers is what Iyengar refers to as Shakti.  This is basically all the mind stuff that can be used to serve us if we learn how to use it correctly.  Or it can act as a cloud cover between the two layers preventing us from experiencing the joy of the Inner most soul if we use it incorrectly.

 

Many of us use it incorrectly and we allow negative energy to build up like a dark cloud cover between the physical part of us and the spiritual (the sun). Our sense of misery and 'suffering' comes from not experiencing Source energy. The thicker and greater the barrier between us and It, the less joy we experience and the more we suffer. Do we get that so far?

 

 

Everything is energy

 

 

We have to understand that everything is energy.  Energy flows and moves in us and around us all the time. Many will refer to Shakti as energy...the unseen force that moves us and the world.

 

Singer explains in Michael Singer: The Unlimited Energy of the Self  that this energy, like all things originates from the innermost part of us.  It has the power to pull us toward it.  When it goes up, we feel up and we are pulled toward the innermost soul.  The cloud cover is thinned out, we think less and feel more and we experience joy, freedom, a connection with who we are (even if we cannot conceptualize it or put it into words; even if we mistakenly believe it was something in the outer world that made us happy). We have opened up!  We are closer to our home, our Source. It feels wonderful.

 

We have a sense that the sun is out shining brilliantly down on us  even though the sun never went away.

 

 

But....

 



 If we fill this in between layer with useless thoughts, distractions, conditioned beliefs that bring us down...the energy gets blocked or dips down.  We begin to feel frustrated, angry, depressed, unfulfilled, trapped etc.  We suffer.  We may mistakenly believe that we are suffering because  things in the outer most layer are not working out for us but that is not it.  We suffer because we created another thick cloud cover between our Source of light and our experiencing It.

We need to thin the cloud cover

Energy is Consciousness

 Energy is consciousness and consciousness is energy. Where we place our attention, our awareness, our conscious focus...energy flows.  So if our conscious focus up there in the upper layer is all about how stuck we are, how little we have and how miserable and scary life is...guess what?  We are going to have a shift of energy downward...that shift of energy downward pulls us from our Seat of awareness, keeps us stuck in mental chatter as the  cloud cover between our little physical selves and It gets thicker and thicker. We get farther and farther away from Self, from peace, from joy. We suffer.

If, however, we make a deliberate choice to experience Self and work on lifting that energy by questioning our conditioned ways of perceiving...we will experience a break or a thinning of cloud cover.  We will get closer to Source and the joy of living that is there.

We need to up our energy and thin out the  cloud cover between the layers of our experience so we experience the light like we are meant to and so we can pass it on.

I will discuss in the next post, how we can do that.

All is well!

B.K.S. Iyengar (2014) Yoga: The Path to Holistic Health. New York: Penguin Random House

Michael Singer (Sept 2018) Michael Singer: The Unlimited Energy of the Self.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEOQoRhaX1s