Getting Heard?

To gain your own voice, you have to forget about getting it heard.
Allan Ginsberg https://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/there-are-no-rules/72-of-the-best-quotes-about-writing

Man, I don't understand my stats at all and I don't know why I keep checking them lol. 

First of all it says I have no followers when I know for a fact I have some because I speak to these people on a regular basis.  Then some days it tells me  I have readers in the one digit category and out of the blue on another day I may have them in the two digit or even three digit category.  There are no or very limited comments which is okay...don't need that. I understand people do not like to expose themselves etc. Then the map is showing that I have readership all over the world, which is so very cool,  but it never adds up with the numbers for that day.

The stats just don't seem all that reliable. So I have no idea who is reading this?

Why does it matter anyway?

Oh I know my ego is still very active and though this is not an ego-motivated process,  ego still  wants to get something from it.  It uses what I do here to redeem 'me' from all my outer world failures ...which a good readership allows.  I may not have much anymore out here in terms of outer world success and recognition so maybe ego is appeased a bit when I get a little something here, on this site. It also wants validation and reward for "doing".

And it uses the stats  to shame me further and keep "me" small and controllable as a low day readership permits. "See"...it says..."you no longer have anything.  You are lacking, needy, broken here as well as out there and you are making a fool of yourself on top of everything else. Pathetic!" Thank goodness, I am no longer listening to that internal critic. Nasty!!!

So ego is one of the driving forces in my checking  the stats on a daily basis.

I  don't come here for ego though.  I truly don't.  I come here to teach so I can learn and to learn so I can teach. It really is beyond my little ego.  Sometimes, maybe, I check the stats to see how many people I am reaching.  I try to validate if this is the most effective way to learn and teach.  But to be truthful, it wouldn't matter if I had 0 readership, I would still come here everyday and do what I do.

So I guess it doesn't matter who is reading this or how it is being received.  Maybe what is important is why they are reading it, if they indeed are.  "Does something I say make sense...even just a little?  Is it resonating with a truth that is already in them?  Are they too waking up just a bit like I am? "

Maybe that is all that matter.

All is well!