Karmic Lift

Alas, two souls are living in my breast,

And one wants to separate itself from the other.

One holds fast to the world with earthly passion

And clings with twining tendrils:

The other lifts itself with forceful craving

To the very roof of heaven.

 

-Goethe in Faust

 

Sigh! I want to lifted to the roof of heaven but ego "keeps pulling me back in!" lol.  It is all good.  It is exactly as it is meant to be for now.

 

 

Have a heavy heart and a disturbed mind as I continue to react to circumstances (or phenomena) occurring around me.  I see a reflection of my "disturbance"  as more and more mentally judged "unwanted" circumstances unfold before me. I'm closing. 

 

Closing?

 

I am forgetting my practice commitment to not close and I close.  The body closes.  I close my jaws; the space between my belly and thighs which is a common reaction to trauma (iliopsoas contraction) and other muscles tighten, contract in a retraction from the moment.  I close my mind by "enduring" this moment rather than being in awe of it.  I close my heart in an attempt to not feel the pain others around me are experiencing and sharing.  When I can't do that (I just seem to soak up pain others have?) I go back to the mind so it numbs me with useless thought and story.  Sigh! I am closing.

 

When I am closed not only am I physically sore lol I am mentally and emotionally sore.  The worse thing is I don't look about me with awe and amazement. I am not  consumed by the miracle that is life.  Instead I kind of "think" and "want" a bit of a break from it, from people and their pain,.  I withdraw and retreat.

 

Karma?

 

In my old understand of Karma, I would ask: "Why is this happening to me?  What have I done in the past to deserve this?"   It is almost if there is some heavy cloud attached to me. I feel it so intensely at times.  I look around other family members and I see it attached to them as well. One circumstance after another.  Why?

 

I can't answer why but  I  find a bit of peace knowing that I might be  living out my karma.  I settle into  enduring my life.  Ego begins to hold fast to this world by attempting to rearrange its circumstances and to get "more" from it...clinging to any semblance of okayness I can get from each moment.

 

Yet, there is something in me that says, "No!  no!  Lady, you got it all wrong! Karma yoga is all about how you relate to the outside world...and this...this is not how you are supposed to do it! You are not supposed to shrink away from it or "endure it"!  

 

This moment is not yours.  It is not here to "punish" you.  It is not about "you' at all.  It is simply unfolding in front of you. It does not have a problem with "you" and you do not have to have a problem with It. The one who is clear in mind does not have a problem with the  moment.  They are in awe of it!"

 

Karma yoga is not all about serving out some punishment, it is about serving the world.  We can only serve the world when our minds are clear.  We have to have clear minds in order to do that.  If we want to help create harmony in the world, we first need to create harmony within ourselves. We need to let go of our clinging with twining tendrils. Take the "me' out of the moment and serve with the open Self. You do not use the moment to fix what is out of harmony within you...as the closed self tends to do.  You allow the moment to use you for the benefit of all.

 

When we get there the other lifts us to the roof of heaven.  When we are lifted, the world is lifted.

 

Hmmm!  Just some food for thought!

 

 

 

Wayne Dyer (2006) Living an Inspired Life. Hay house

 

Michael Singer...Untethered Soul Lectures (sorry, not sure which volumes)