If we compare the mental and physical levels of happiness, we find that the experiences of pain and pleasure that take place mentally are actually more powerful.
-Dalai Lama


Every now and again  life circumstance catches up with us.  When it catches up with me I find myself comparing the physical and mental levels of my happiness.  Sadly I run on the low side more than I care to.  It seems like "too much stress, discomfort, struggle" and not enough "reward, peace, joy".  When I come to that conclusion, both body and mind become exhausted as I am now.

At these times, I catch myself wondering things like "Are I and my loved ones cursed?"  "Is there such thing as bad energy sticking to a group of people?" "Am I living out some bad karma and part of that is watching the people I love suffer?" A foolish and unhealthy way to think , I know. 

For I know in the very core of me, even at those times of negative mental experience, that my life circumstance and my "reaction" to it is not my Life. Yet here I am watching my little self go through this 'stuff' and I am wondering why this little being that is me...has been  travelling on what seems to be such a bumpy path for what seems like an entire lifetime.  If I knew for certain Karma was such a thing...I would settle into it and say "Oh okay...I understand...I can endure this and find some moments of peace and joy in amongst the suffering.  It is happening for a reason." 

But when I remember Satchidananda's words "The entire outside world is based on your thoughts and mental attitude."  I am like "Crap!  I am doing this to myself and my loved ones!" I become overwhelmed with guilt and shame that my mind is so messed up I am creating such chaos in my outer experience.

When I feel this way...I know I am over identifying with the little me.  I am experiencing life through that perspective...so everything seems to be happening 'to me'; 'against me'; 'to punish me'; or 'because of me.' I do not, at those times, separate the life circumstances from the little me and the little me from the understanding I have of Self.  At those time the ego, not spirit,  is prevalent in my psyche and it is telling me in not so nice ways that I am simply getting what I deserve.  I am unworthy, a sinner, lacking, needy, etc etc .  I better just suck it up and endure Life. So I listen to ego and that is what I do.  I suck it up and endure.  This is how powerful the mental experience is...and  it is all just a mental experience.

Regardless of what is going on around me, what I am observing happening to me, or witnessing what is happening to another...the problematic perspective is a mental one and a mental one only. What I am experiencing is a result of what I am perceiving and my attitude towards it. Hmmm!  I know that...yet I keep slipping back into a deeply ingrained way of thinking and feeling that makes the world around me look pretty punitive.

It isn't punitive and I am not being punished.  Life is just responding and creating , unfolding around me in the purposeful way it does.  What looks like chaos is actually order. What feels like punishment is actually impersonal. It isn't about me at all.

I need to get that in my head when I feel myself getting a bit overwhelmed by the challenges presented by life.  I am not being punished; I am not cursed and this is not some karmic destiny I am experiencing. Life is just doing Life and "I"...who I really am...is watching it unfold. It really isn't about me at all...no matter what the mental experience of it is saying.

All is well!

All is well