In Meeting the Needs of "self": Two Understandings Causing Confusion for the Evolving Mind

 

I am that I am...the I am [often temporarily qualified by a thought, a feeling, a state of mind, an activity, an age or relationship]...is the same I am...the same self, the same being. So, being is the golden thread that runs unbroken through all experience. And it is the only experience that is constant. ...the awareness of being is your most essential experience.

Rupert Spira 

I am....

Caught in a conundrum of knowing. 

Huh?

I am caught between two understandings of what self needs. That is, I am caught in a conundrum between understanding and pursuing what self needs. I am trying to understand and allow for the needs  of this self with a little s..."me"....and it is very confusing for the Objective Observer watching and experiencing.. 

I have the psychological  understanding earned from years of studying psychology and applying what I learned to the life I am living. This concept of "self" is a body, mind with plenty of thoughts, feelings, opinions, memory etc.  Its needs can therefore fit perfectly into Maslow's pyramid.  In this focus...when Objective Observer narrows its lens and looks down at this "me" trying to determine which ladder rung needs are being met...psychology tells me, "Oh no!  This "self" is at risk for breaking down.  It must become more assertive in ensuring these needs are met.  It should not give its house away and spend the remainder of its life struggling on the lower rung. It needs to take control, be assertive, fight, and struggle against the situation it now finds itself in so that it continues."

At this psychological, and even physical level, the needs of this "self" are not being met.  This leaves me feeling very uneasy.   The goal here is to keep this "me" going. The ability to do so is being questioned by the psychological understanding of "self." 

Hmm!

I also have a deeper spiritual and non-dual understanding of "self." This concept of "self" is not who I am.  It is something I am observing and experiencing. I am not this "self"...I am "Self"  I am that I am...I am the essential being with the eyes of Objective Observer...watching this human I call "me", this self , trying to survive.  While the psychological directive would be, "Do anything to keep this "self" going."...the spiritual voice would say, " Do anything you can to get this idea of "self" out of the way, so you can have the pure experience of being who you truly are." The goal is to diminish the "me" identity, not to protect and enhance it.  

So, "me" feels all over the place right now...like its needs are not being met, like others might be taking advantage of its giving nature, like it is at risk for perishing.  The "Self" and the "Objective Observer" is saying "Good! Let it perish...  that and all this challenge you are facing right now, is not what you are!"

So, what does that all mean when we look at Maslow's lower three rungs? I am not a little "self" not getting its needs met...I am, I just am. I am not this body, but I am using this body.  So, I  am needs to get the body's needs met. I am needs a safe place to live. I am needs at least enough money to meet the body's needs.  I guess, I need to seperate what "self" wants, desires, expects from what "self" as body and mind need. The more I look at this ...the more I realize that "me" is resisting this life experience because it is not what it  wants, prefers, desires, and expects. Psychology may say that is important to 'well-being" but spirit says , "No...what is important that body has its basic needs met, that mind has a sense of love and belonging and that both have a sense of safety and security...but it doesn't have to be the way "me" desires it to be! Self, I am, is nondual and therefore free of desire and preference.  It is okay with things exactly as they are. When I remember that I feel great peace.

Anyway, I still think in psychological terms at times.  I spend most of my time as "Self" but I do often slip into "self" and this self questions, "How do I get my needs met?" While Self says..."It's okay . Life will take care of things...maybe not in the way little "me" wants and prefers...but it will take care of things." 

 It is still confusing.  I do need to merge "self" with "Self" somehow. 

Working on it.

Enlightenment is not a blissful experience.  It is not an experience. It is the recognition of that which experiences.

All is well

Mayim Bailik's Breakdown (September, 2026) You Have Never Seen Reality: Discover Who You Actually Are... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYDcAg7r6QE

Self Pity or Grief

 

Self-pity is our worse enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.

Heen keller

I  am not sure if I am feeling sorry for myself or if I am  just grieving but I have been crying off and on since 4 this morning.  My belly was acting up. (Think I am having a bit of a diverticular flare up...nothing serious, just enough to make this body uncomfortable.) and it just weakened me enough emotionally to make me cry. Once the tears started, it was hard to stop them. Though I have become very good at living in the moment, allowing and appreciating what is, the reality of my situation sometimes hits me like a slap in the face knocking me out of the experience of "presence". Without  a place to call my own, I feel so ungrounded. On top of that I have been experiencing these little triggers to my samskaras of unworthiness.

Huh?

 I have the strong "sense" that my presence is bothering others (Despite what I am told, I am not being paranoid. I feel things the average person wouldn't feel. So, I know when someone feels my presence is an intrusion.) The feeling is so strong. I just want to get out of here now but where do I go? I have my old yoga room at the house but there is so much work to make it livable.  I splurged and baught a dehumidifier yesterday that it badly needs...but so much needs to be moved. I can't do it alone. That's it. I feel so alone in this...I think that is what I feel more than anything. People have been good.  They have been offering to take me in and when they do they are kind to me. They just don't understand what it is like. Few could understand what I am experiencing, being that their circumstances are so on the other end of the spectrum than mine, and when I share ( only when asked) it is like "oh" and the subject gets changed so quickly like I was just talking about the weather.  I have this deep sense that me and my experience  does not mean much to people. I know it is statistically insignificant but to realize how insignificant it, and possibly me as another human, is to others is a bit unsettling.  It reinforces the "statistically insignificant" . Maybe, that is a good thing, right?  I am seeking to diminish the power this "me" feels it needs. I am seeking to diminish the "me". Maybe it is a good thing to realize tht I will not get any secondary gains from my victim status...that the ego typically would look for, like pity. I don't want pity...but maybe ego still wants it. Oh, I don't know.  Just having a day lol...just having a day. 

At the same time, I know this situation would be difficult for anyone and it is okay that this human is finding it hard. ...and that I, as the Objective Observer, am being pulled in again and again to the drama of little me.  I know I am down here, swimming around in all this.  I will get out somehow and in someway.  I will reclaim my seat as Observer. I will. But man, I am just tired. It is so hard. Am I allowed to say that a yogi-wanna-be? lol.  "It is so hard." 

I will regain my center.  I will.

All is well.

Finding Strength in Hard Times

 You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Bob Marley

Beautiful wedding! Everything turned out perfectly from the weather, to the bride who wore the beautiful veil she wanted down the aisle, to the children's perfect behaviour, to the heart wrenching service with vows that others will be talking about for decades, the food, the speeches, and the fun everyone had at the end of the night. It was so lovely!!! My daughter was estatic and I, as her mom, was estatic for her. So, very grateful for how it all turned out. Blessed!!

The wedding has been my focus during those initial weeks of displacement. It was, therefore, my distraction away from the reality of my life (Let's rephrase that- from the reality of this human's personal situation. I need to keep reframing it like that. I need to remind myself that though things seem really tough for "me" right now...This "me" is only one in 8.3 billion other humans, in trillions and trillions of other beings....so this situation is really 'statistically  insignificant' in the big scheme of things. Instead of narrowing our focus, we truly do need to broaden it so we can see the whole picture clearly....with anything we face.)  

Anyway, now that the wedding is over, it is like, "Okay, time to get to work. Where do I go? What do I do next?" My biggest challenge right now, is dealing with the emergence of a core belief that leads to this deep sense that "I am intruding!  I can't stay where I am intruding!" 

At a time when, in order to meet my basic physiological needs for survival, I need to be taken in by others....this core belief gets in the way. This personality was built around protecting this "me" from that deep rooted sense of being only a burden to others.  I became a very independent, don't ask for help, don't bother others kind of person. I also, in order to over compensate, became a "You do not have to help me, but I definitely need to help anyone I can to earn my keep as a human on this planet.") I felt obligated to take anyone in need in regardless of the hardship it caused this "me"...But when it comes to "me" being taken in at a time of need...there is so much shame; so much fear that I am overstepping. Not only do I feel that I don't deserve to be taken in but "fear" I will be punished in some way for intruding on other's space. I am constantly watching for signs from my hosts that I am bothering them, making myself ready to step out onto the streets with one indication. Like, I would literally rather be living on the streets than dealing head on with the reality that my physical presence is bothering others. Beneath that is this very irrational fear of what they may do to me, say to me because I am intruding.  There is fear there.  

I know where this comes from...a samskara that has been stuffed and stored away since childhood...and it is so good that it is coming up.  I want all these samskaras coming up so I can face them, look at them, release them, and be free of them.  Right now, however, it is tricky because this samskara is conflicting with the reality that this human needs help. This conditioned need I have to stay safe by not bothering others seems to trump the reality that my basic needs need to be met. It is like bypassing "Basic needs" for "safety and security" , the second rung of Maslow's pyramid. It might just lead me to do something stupid...like deny my own basic needs. How many people, I wonder, end up on the street or in destitute situations to avoid this sense of being a burden or intrusion?  Some would call it pride...but pride to me is just a protective mask we wear when we are deeply shamed. I know I am not alone here. Many of us have this samskara within in varying degrees.  Not many, however, have it tested in the way  mine is being tested. 

Anyway...I have been reciting this mantras since this all began, "I can handle this!" and deep down I know I can.  This one is easier, in a sense, than the situation I faced when I first went off work without long-term disability and thought I would lose the house.  I had my children to think of then...meeting their needs was my priority and man that was stressful.  This time, it is only me...which is so much easier to deal with. So, I am grateful for that.  "I can handle this."

I also tell myself, that this is all meant to be...something I signed up for.  It is a challenge I need, for whatever reason.  So, I look up and say, "Thy will...not my will be done." ..and I feel a bit better.

It is all good.  I will find my way through all this. 

All is well.

Wedding Worries

I am never upset for the resons I think I am.

Lesson Five of workbook ACIM

It has been a stressful week, to say the least.  Beautiful in its own right...but stressful. I found myself at my daughter's since the displacement. I realized I could be of service to this lil family prior to the big day, diminishing, if not eliminating, this sense of intruding I was feeling. (( I will slip away after the wedding when things for them have returned to some semblance of 'normal', and the need for extra support is no longer there). It has been busy and I have not felt completely grounded, useful maybe, but not grounded. 

And because of my nature, I pick up the emotions of others. feeling the fear and anxiety, the sensory overload of my grandson ( who is neurodivergent) starting school. I feel my soon to be son-in-law's tension over the cost  and extravegance of this wedding, and his sense of frustration and helplessness in dealing with my daughter's particular nature when it comes to the wedding preparations (It is hard to help when someone is so detail oriented with OCD). And of course, there is the stress of the bride that I absorb...a bride who insisted on doing 90 % of all preparation herself.  She did an amazing job but man that was a lot of work and pressure to take on. And there were a few significant set backs she had to deal with.  Her officiant bailed on her ( without informing her ) a few weeks before the wedding.(Luckily someone else ws found who she much prefers anyway). And she has yet to get the veil she ordered and paid for in full in June. She seemed to be getting one run around after the other for months...and that only increased this week.  Very, very stressful for someoe who "needs" things to be exactly as she sees them in her head. I personally do not trust the person she is dealing with...not one bit...but this close to crunch time what is one to do? It has become an obsession for my daughter, adding to her pre-wedding stress tremendously...and therefore to her mother's. When she is up at night pacing the halls, I am up.  When she is crying, I am crying.  when she is feeling angry and frustrated...so am I. Its crazy how this works...but man, I am drained.

On a positive note: I did not have much time to think of my own crazy situation which seemed to get a bit crazier in the last few days. Maybe I will tell that story after the wedding , or maybe I won't.  It is afterall just a "story". lol.

Regardless, I know we are not upset for the reasons we  think we are.  It has very little to do with what is going on "out there" and everything about what is going on "in here." The outside phenomena are just triggers stirring up some things that are needing to get out.  I whispered that truth to my daughter as I held her in my arms yesterday while she cried over yet again another broken promise about her veil. So much needs to come up and out...and I told her if it did, it wouldn't matter if she had her veil or not.  Not that those words helped...but the getting the stuff up and out with the mini-breakdown probably did. She walked away with a little more peace and a lot less attachment from the outcome of whether or not she gets her veil. Sigh!

Two more days to get to the point where we are watching two beloved people declare their love for each other...when there is no more running around to get things done.  No more worrying about whether or not the veil comes in...by then it is either on her head or it isn't. No more stressing and worrying...a time when we can all breathe and simply enjoy what the day is menat for.  May it be a blessed day of happiness for the couple and all who have come to witness.

(Oh...of course...my job will just be beginning as the MC lol...but that should be more fun than anything...I hope!). 

And after this week when I look at my other children who are planning to get married in the upcoming years, I find myself mouthing a couple of words: "Court" "House". 

All is well.

 

Having a Good Time?

We are here for a good time

not a long time.

So, have a good time;

the sun can't shine everyday.

Trooper, 1977

We get to decide whether or not we go for the good time or the long time in our life experience.  When we are in survival mode, living in fear, with chronically activated nervous systems we might be going for the long time. Having a good time doesn't seem that important when you are just set on surviving.  It is all about staying safe in a dangerous world. Once we soothe these systems through somatic work, trauma work, counselling etc. taking us to samskara release and purification....we get to experience what it is like to live to have a good time.  Of course, it all centers around learning to be okay with what is...putting away our preferences and aversions...and settling into what is. 

Calm that nervous system...and then accept that the sun cannot shine everyday. Make the most of every cloudy day...finding joy in all of it. 

Hmm! Something to think about.

Michael Singer/Temple of the Universe ( September 21, 2026)  Why You Suffer- and How to Let Go. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss3cHSyZpNw&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Oh No! More on Dukkha?

 Not seeing dukkha, is dukkha.

The Buddha

I was always the type of person who couldn't turn my back to suffering.  Oh, I wanted to, let me tell ya!, but I would compulsively have to remove my hands from my eyes or turn to face that which I was trying to avoid...eventually. Something within me would scream, "Look!!!See that suffering is real! It is an important and undeniable part of Life!"...and I would look, and feel, and most times  (but not all times) deal with the dukkha in front of me whether it be mine or some other beings.   

Living like this is absolutely exhausting.  It is a crazy making and physically draining way to be. 

Why, then, do you live like that crazy lady?

It is almost as if that is my mission in life...to seek the suffering in the world, experience it as if it were my own, and if possible, do something to alleviate it. Believe me...it is not a mission I would have signed up for in my ego-state...no way. I see now on the physical, psychological, and spiritual level, I am wired this way for some reason I do not, as of yet, completely understand that goes way beyond the needs of the ego. 

I have a nervous system, in this body, that is always on the look out for suffering. The amygdala is always clanging its alarm bells,  and every cell in this body is always on standby, ready to respond. On top of that this old heart of mine is always so very heavy thus the development of this "heart condition"that has cost me so much in physical terms. (I am where I am now, at this reference point of suffering, basically because of it and what has ensued following the expression of symptoms). I have said this many times, prior to the podcast I listened to last night, my "heart condition" is simply a response to my approach to Life.  Trauma is the driving force of my response. My body and mind are set on "trauma". That is, they seek a certain danger that goes beyond the level of  "stress" as this human looks out upon the world. They are now set to respond to overwhelming suffering , be it my own or belonging to someone or something outside of me. The Sympathetic division of the Autonomic Nervous system is at least partially activated in this human throughout the day.  Adrenaline and cortisol are constantly pumping through my body, keeping me ready to respond.  Without intending to,  I am looking for any signs of suffering or dukkha all around me. I hear people or animals crying all the time and I jump up to respond as if I am suppose to do something about it. Most of the time, what I am hearing is just wind or mixed messages. I don't see well...and with every blurry item I encounter I go out of my way to ensure it isn't a hurt or suffering being that I could help. Everytime I hear an ambulance rushing by, I question, "will I have to respond to that in some way?" When the phone rings, this old heart skips a beat preparing itself for some evidence of suffering that I will need to respond to on the other end. I have literally jumped out of moving cars to respond to accidents without even realizing I was doing it. Physically, I am wired to expect and respond to trauma.

Huh? How did that happen?

Like many people, I have had a lot of trauma in this life (and possibly some in past lives or at least I inherited the suffering trapped in my ancestors' DNA). In early, early days of this existence...I likely had some birthing issues...I was very small and underweight coming from an unhealthy, overwhelmed woman who already had six other kids that came a year a part prior to me. I believe there was some failure to thrive there that was corrected in some way before it could make a difference.  I was born with a little valve defect that led to a murmur my mother was  worried about whenever I ran or reported any signs of chest discomfort...I had a lot of that growing up. (I did not discover this link until I started to have issues). I suffered physical trauma at the hands of others, and the hands of Life at an early age.  I have had several head traumas that I can remember. I choked once. Nearly drowned once. There were many life-threats to this body that probably overwhelmed it and conditoned it to believe that the world was full of potential life-threatening danger and  it would have to be a super alert in order to keep this human alive. The nervous system...here to keep this vessel alive...became super alert and vilagent, expecting the worse to pop out of nowhere. 

 I then assumed if there is danger for this body, there must be danger for other bodies. I naturally have a compassionate heart and want to help alleviate the suffering of all others, not just my self. somewhere along the line,  I also developed a neurotic sense of responsibility ...as if I were to somehow be blamed for all the suffering in the world, therefore, it was up to me to alleviate it. As well, I have a need to redeem myself from shame...and seek that redemption in a caring role. (I am seeing how as I evolve...the redemption need is being superceded by a sincerely compassionate heart in my desire to help others.)  Somehow, my survival alarms began to clang for other beings too. As I understand and experience the truth of interbeingness, my body truly wants to help others. 

So, I see suffering.  Unfortunately, I see it a little too much and therefore this human does not have the most pleasant experience of life right now. :)  I look at that quote above and reverse it. If not seeing suffering, is suffering...then seeing suffering will lead to being free from suffering. Isn't that what the Buddha meant? 

Hmm! Well I hope it works that way, lol.

All is well. 

Dr. Mayim Bialik (2025) Childhood Trauma Can Lead to Disease. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcX7Kl4RBxc

Seeing Dukkha

 

Not seeing dukkha is dukkha; not seeing suffering is suffering.

The Buddha 

In other words, we suffer as long as we are not seeing that we are suffering... suffering expands without compassionate awareness of suffering. 

So what exactly is this Dukkha or suffering?

Birth is dukkha, aging is dukkha, sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief and despair are dukkha; association with the unbeloved is dukkha; seperation from the beloved is dukkha; not getting what is wanted is dukkha.

Dukkha, loosely translated from the sanskrit word is suffering.  More precisely it refers to the experience of something not fitting right so things move smoothly.  The "kha" in ancient sanskrit refers to the way the axil fits within the center of a cart wheel. If it fits right and the cart can move smoothly, we have sukkha.  If it doesn't fit in quite right, and the cart ride becomes uneven, unbalanced, bumpy...we have dukkha.  Sukkha then is an experience of "ease" and a feeling of satisfactoriness. Dukkha, therefore, is an experience of unease and a feeling of  "unsatifactoriness."

I see, experience and feel dukkha...right now...so am I moving beyond it? 

All is well!  

The Uprooted and Untethered Psyche

 A tree once uprooted from the earth, is very difficult to plant again.

 Goldshifteh Farahani

Not sure anyone noticed, :), but I have been away for a few days trying to find some spot to land my feet for now.  I have a place to stay but knew instantly that I could not stay here for long. Not sure if it is higher Self or lower self talking, but I cannot  be an intrusion or a burden (not that anyone is treating me as such. I am bright enough to know when I am) ...Oh man, that, I think, is harder than living on the streets...(not that I have ever actually lived on the streets and I do not wish to. I do not want to undermine the terrible challenge of that reality so many face)...but...I just need to know that I am helping and serving in some way, wherever I am.  I can see how I could help here...I see the need for help here...but I also see how the individuals involved are not yet able to accept my help. They, as a family,  have not taken me in to help them; they have taken me in out of the kindness of their hearts. Oh I appreciate that kindness, I do...but  it is hard to accept this turning of tables.  It is usually me taking others in. I am not comfortable with being the one taken in, if I am not providing a service. It is so uncomfortable for my psyche, at least.

I feel like a helium balloon floating around, blowing here and there. I need to touch ground, to have some sense of rooting. (Rooting is the first thing I teach in my hatha classes)...How do I land, let alone establish roots? Maybe, I just need one of those heavy  rocks to tie a string too. Something that will hold me down until I can at least process through all this change that has occurred in this human's life  My soul may be okay being untethered lol...but the remaints of this psyche doesn't like it one bit!

Maybe, that is exactly what I need to learn...to be okay in such a situation where the psyche gets uprooted and untethered.  "I can handle this...I can handle this!"

All is well. 

Do Good Anyway

 “ The Paradoxical Commandments

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.”

Kent M Keith https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/271599.Kent_M_Keith

Relaxing Into Challenge

 

Your calm mind is the ultimate weapon against your challenges. So relax.

Byrant McGill

It seems counterintuitive to relax when your comfort zone is crumbling around you, when the world suddenly seems chaotic, when you have no idea what is waiting for you around the corner or what tomorrow will bring. The amygdala may be screaming "Run!" or at least, "Do something to make this better!". Your nervous system may have handed the reins over to  the Sympathetic director that is firing you up to do anything but relax. Cortisol and Adrenaline may be zipping through your blood vessels faster than the speed of light as the alarm bells clang loudly in your ears.  Your mind may have taken on the role of  a war correspondant or a journalist in a disaster zone...narrating and creating a story sure to draw an audience in. 

But....

It is at these times especially that you will benefit most from relaxing. 

It doesn't matter what external world phenomenon triggered that nervous system reaction...this will be the time when  "Relax!" will  best serve you. 

Say what crazy lady? What if my husband just left me for the babysitter? Or I realize I have just been scammed of all my money?  What if  I or a loved one has just gotten a diagnosis of cancer?You expect me to relax into that?

No, I expect you to do what most humans do...tense up and get ready to fight or struggle against this reality.  What I expect of you is different, however, than what I want for you.  I want you to relax into  challenge. I want you to see that the usual tendency of  resisting is what causes you the suffering, not the unpleasant or painful circumstance or life event you are dealing with. I want you to see that you can relax in the face of all life unfoldings...the good, the bad, and the ugly. And by doing so...you can deal with what Life is giving you in a peaceful, accepting way with a heart that remains open and loving. 

What if the house is on fire, or my comfort zone is literally collapsing around me because of a tornado or earthquake? What if someone is pointing a gun at my head or about to kick me across the room  with some Kung fu move? You expect me to relax into that???

No, I don't expect you to.  I want you to. Relaxing in these situations will serve you best.  By relaxing body and mind you will be able to think clearly. You will be  able to respond in a way that is most effective and that could possibly save your life. Tensing up into panic mode will not serve you. Though we are conditioned to assume that  this is the only way to react in such given situations...we can choose otherwise. We can learn to relax through every challenge by detaching from it. 

This just sounds like a bunch of "woo-woo" talk to me. Not anything real or possible.

Hmm! I am about to be homeless (oops!- "unhoused"), suddenly outside a relationship I have been in for 12 years.  I have no idea what the future will hold for this human I call me.  I don't know where I will stay.  I don't know how I will live. I don't know what I will do.  This is all going down in four days. And though I still slip occassionally into that conditioned pattern of reacting where Fight , Flight, and Freeze are activated, 80 percent of the time, I am as cool as a cucumber. I am relaxing into this challenge, and because I have been practicing "relaxing"  for years, it is happening automatically and naturally.  My heart is still open and loving with all involved.  I feel myself , not swept up in some current fighting to keep my head above water, but gently laying back with my feet up allowing the flow of Life to take me.  I am watching this human I call "me" handling reality and it is like, "Wow! Have I ever come a long way. There was a time I could never have imagined responding in such a way to Life challenge...but man...the practice is paying off.  I am actually calmly accepting the what-isness of this. I am  truly relaxing in the face of challenge."

 It is so cool to see that progress in myself. That doesn't mean I am not doing anything.  I am . I am reaching out to others.  I am seeing what possibilities are out there for shelter, and survival. I am making plans at least for the immediate future. I am "dealing".

I mean ...I still feel sad, and a certain amount of grief.  Packing to leave for the unknown is a little more difficult than packing to go someplace specific. I still feel some resentment creeping in at times, and I allow myself that...but instead of burning a hole in me...the anger and resentment just seems to flow right through. I still slip into fear and worry  but then I cue myself to relax into that. I am not suppressing that fear I am simply relaxing in the face of it. 

So, yeah, we can relax into challenge. We really can, and it is so important to start the practice of doing so now.

All is well in my life.

Beyond the Algorithms

 Write for people first, search engines second. Content that resonates with humans will eventually be rewarded by algorithms.

copyblogger

Not sure if I will ever be rewarded by algorithms or if it really matters. I write for humans first and I seldom think of search engines or algorithms. Still I check the stats pages everyday.  Hmm!

Blogger  tells me I had 5777 views of this blog yesterday and 1256 so far today. Google tells me I had 176 active users, 212 views, and 565 event counts in the last 24 hours. Neither of these tell me how many real people actually read what I have written, if anybody lol. All just algorithm, and bot searching hits. That's okay...not knowing if I am read or not read, makes it easier to come here to do what I do... to share what I share.   Though it isn't intended for bots but for real humans going through very real and similar experiences...it is comforting to think that right now...as raw and vulnerable as I find myself...few humans will be there to judge me right away.  I will be like a travelling grafiti artist with a compulsion to leave behind their tag...splashing my paint on a wall and quickly running off before I am caught. Maybe when I am dead and gone, more legitimate readers will stumble upon this page and read what I have written. Their judgement won't matter then (though I am getting beyond the need for good opinion now). And maybe with time the human mind will soften somewhat and be more open to the message behind my words. Maybe, then, these words will do what they are meant to do.. help, in some small way, to heal the world. Do you think? Regardless, here I am.

Thanks to the legitimate readers who have been with me for a while. I do appreciate you immensely.

All is well.

Releasing the Grip and Going With the Flow As Life Unfolds

 The unfolding is not random, it is intimate, precise, and purposeful.

Alan Watts (or someone or something claiming to be Alan Watts)

The rereading of what was read in the last 24 hours is always such a serendipitous experience for me. Maybe it is simply because bots are the only things opening these pages and they are AI generated, programmed to seek out similar topics from my most recent entries where I am sharing my most recent experiences...that make the timing seem so synchronistic...Or maybe it simply is synchronicity. How will I ever know? lol. Anyway, as I go through this very challenging life situation, seeking clarity as to why...I come across an entry from last year with quotes from a site claiming to be Alan Watts. ( I realize now it is probs just AI generated) and I hear exactly what I need to hear.  It speaks a truth I have been suppressing for years. AI generated, or not, those words resonate with me big time. They shed a beautiful, healing light on this experience, exactly when I need it.

The problem comes when the mind, impatient and unwilling to wait, forces us into situations that do not resonate...that is how we end up surrounded by the wrong people, those who cannot truly see us, or stuck in opportunities that feel heavy rather than alive. The irony is that we do this because we fear nothing better is coming...but by clinging to the wrong we close the door to the right. 

Trusting the natural flow is an act of release. It is choosing not to hold on to what does not feel right even when letting go creates temporary emptiness.

I think Life is showing me what I have been silently waiting for it to show me...It is time to let go. It is time to move on.

There is a quiet kind of courage to letting go of what is not meant for you

There is a deeper wisdom in knowing when to release your grip...when to stop pouring yourself into something that drains you rather than nourishes you.

The right people and opportunities cannot arrive when your arms are wrapped tightly around what is misaligned.

To cling to the wrong is to signal to Life that you do not trust it to bring you something better.

The right opportunities will not demand that you shrink to fit them.

Staying in what drains you is not loyality...it is fear disguised as committment.

So, I am afraid.  I am not sure what is around the corner for this human I call  "me" or for the other players on this stage. (I am thinking about them as well).  I am not sure where I am going and what I am going to do to survive but something is telling me this is all happening because it is time to move on. I have been holding on too long; I have done enough; and it is time to move on. I want to trust that Life is answering an unspoken prayer for all of us in this drama...

Fear clouds your ability to see and to feel what is already unfolding for you.

You are not being denied...you are being shaped...every experience you pass through, every challenge you endure, every quiet moment of uncertainty is chiseling away what does not belong, refining you into the version of yourself you will be able to receive, hold, and grow with what is meant for you.

There are skills you are still learning, wounds you are still healing, perspectives you are still gaining. All of which will make you a better match for what is ahead....This refining is not punishment, it is alignment.

Hmm!

Ironically, this video on letting go also showed up in the stats post for the last 24. In it, I describe letting go according to the advice given by a river guide when we were white water rafting. If we find ourselves displaced, outside the comfort zone we have become attached to, we do not resist or struggle against what is happening. We instead ...relax! We lay back, put our toes up, and allow this current to take us to the shore  we  belong at. I am ready to lay back :)

 

All is well!

Alan Watts/ Inspire Rise (September, 2025) Relax- The Right People oand Luxuries are Already Coming To You.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trwAIcEbO1M

Not promoting AI but this is a pretty insightful bit of data collection and rephrasing.

Getting to the Hard Part of a Customized Educational Package

 

The system assigns you an avatar based on what you have to learn. It's not a punishment, it's a customized educational package.

Thomas Campbell

It is times like this that I really, really want proof that things like "soul contracts" are true. I want to know that this upcoming "unhousing" is a part of my soul contract, that I had something to do with the decision to put this human I call "me" through this. It would make it all so much easier to deal with if that were the case. I wouldn't get all tangled up in the drama of it, you know?  Instead of allowing ego to run away with the idea that I was randomly being punished for some reason...maybe, because I deserve it...I would see this challenge as having a divine purpose. (Those core beliefs from past trauma have, as you know, been floating around the surface of my psyche ever since I began this samskara excavation. As they wait for this "me" to deal with them and then to push the "eject" button to catapult them from this life experience into infinity...they are so in my face.) I would openly accept and embrace any divine purpose if I knew that was what it was. This human experience of life is not 100 percent pleasant right now...let me tell ya.  But...knowing that this might be what I chose for a higher purpose...would make it so much more easier to adopt. 

Are there really such things as soul contracts and pre-birth plans? How can I wrap my mind around that possibility so I feel the comfort of it? How can I accept such a woo-woo thing as a possibility  when I have this analytical, science mind that likes empirical evidence? 

Man, this is all so crazy but there are scientists with more initials and more years of education than this human has who claim it be true. Like physicist Thomas Campbell.  He describes Life as a simulation and we are avatars (bodies and minds of form) in it.  We are assigned our avatar prior to being born and we also develop a plan regarding the challenges we will face so we learn and grow.

You get an avatar that has certain constraints. You have a certain IQ, a certain disposition, a certain set of parents, a certain culture, a certain health status. Those are your initial conditions. 

If that were true, I would simply stay open to this hard part of the educational package I helped to design,  the felt experience of  homelessness. I would simply observe this avatara (or I say this human I call "me") experience it all, learn and grow from it all. Totally different ball game. ...or video game...when we do that. Hmm!

Hmm!

All is well. 

Awareness Chooses fromTwo Perspectives on Consciousness

 I define consciousness as awareness with a choice. 

Thomas Campbell

I like Mayim Bialik's (and Jonathon's) podcast because I love the way it integrates science with what is often referred to as "woo-woo". It is attempting to determine if  the gap between materialism and spiritualism can be bridged...seeking, of course, as much empirical evidence as it can find to do that while staying open to that which is not yet understood.. .It deals with the hard question that has been filling my inquiring mind for years- consciousness. 

Anyway, I listened to two podcasts back to back yesterday, each interviewing physicists with totally different perspectives when it comes to how they see the hard question of consciousness.  Dr. Liu who is very much a materialist and Thomas Campbell who is very much a non-materialist . I found my now somewhat biased mind gravitating to Thomas Campbell. (What he had to say intuitively resonated with me even though the scientific part of my mind resisted).  But I made myself sit and listen to the rationals shared by the other's materialistic perspective. The scientific part of my mind agreed with his statements, but my heart resisted big time. 

My gut, not my mind, is telling me that consciousness is fundamental and exists outside of matter.  It is not merely a function of the brain. This has become a "conviction" (even though I know we have to be cautious with convictions). I think it would be hard for someone to convince me otherwise. Why do I choose his view over the other? Because it feels so much better to this awareness with a choice within me. 

Thomas Campbell has thusly convinced me , without asking me to, to pick up his books "My Big Toe".  I am intrigued. This awareness is making a choice. 

All is well.

Mayim Bialik's Breakdown (September, 2026) Near Death Experiences, Telepathy, and the Multiverse: An Astrophysicists Explains.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqoGDc_O-Uo

Mayim Bialik's Breakdown (August, 2026) Reality is Not Real: NASA Physicist:How to Exit the Simulation... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAyTpN5v5jU

Do Not worry About Your Life

 

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air;

 they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not

 much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6: 24-36 NIV

I looked for these words this morning when I woke up the same way I have been waking up every morning now for the last week...with tears in my eyes and a knot in my gut.  I am thankful for the tears whenever they come and for whatever reason they come...I am...I see how cleansing and healing they are.  The worry, however, is not so helpful. :) Thus me seeking out those exact words to put here as a reminder to me, and to you , and to anyone who might stumble onto this page: There is no need to worry. God has your back!

Why the dramatic introduction, then, crazy lady? What tale of woe are you going to dump on us now? 

I  do not want to dump anything on anyone...and I do not want to define the upcoming challenge as a "tale of woe". Oh, I do still have an ego and it is still making the most of this situation to wrack up pity points, or  points earned for having the most challenges on a given day.  It still cries out "Poor me! Why does this always happen to me?" as it sneakily seeks pity from others...or at least validation from others to support this idea of how challenging "My life" is. Yeah, ego is still very much around  and sees this as an opportunity to be seen and heard.  "Hey, if we can't have the rewards of a smooth and easy life ...maybe we can win the life challenge game."  Crap! That ego is crazy making :) 

I have evolved enough to  know that self-pitying ego is not who I am and that Life cannot be narrowed down into something that belongs to "me".  Who I am wants this experience to be seen as an opportunity for learning and growth...not as another random punishment from above.  I see ego...I hear it...I watch what it does and how "I" let it sometimes...but I keep bringing myself back to the truth...that I do not have to listen to it, or follow its council. So, beyond ego's twisted intention...my deeper intention for coming here is to share the learning this human I call "me" is learning, to share the growing I get to do beyond "me" through this experience. I truly want to view this as an opportunity, not as a problem.

I am also still exploring this question, "Are the happenings in our life just random occurrances or are they following some pattern of intention? Am I intending these occurrances somehow with a very powerful mind that is stuck on an ingrained pattern of negativity or  on those limiting beliefs in the samskara layer of my psyche ?" 

The answer to these questions will determine how I approach this life challenge.  That is where the learning and growing will come from...to answer these through felt experience rather than conceptualization. If I come to see that Life is completely impersonal and  simply a random unfolding of events...I would focus my time and energy  on learning to "accept" and "make peace" with what is.  If, however, I see the unfolding of phenomenon being directly related to conscious intent, I would put more time and energy into  removing the negative from my intention.  Of course, it is our human mission to do all of these things, isn't it?  To see the powerful nature of consciousness which we are an emanation of...to allow Life to do what Life does through us, finding peace no matter what it offer us...while at the same time doing what we can to vibrate at a higher level as we seek to match that which is the essence of who we are. It all comes down to consciousness, doesn't it?

What the heck are you talking about? What is this big life drama your consciousness wants you  to learn and grow from?

As of the 11th I will be homeless...well, I will no longer have a home.  I guess the new politically correct term used these days, to avoid stigma, is "unhoused" or I can say, "I will be experiencing homelessness".  These are much better terms to use ...removing defeating stigma and judgement from a being due to their life situation, isn't it?  It also supports the remembrance that all life situations are temporary, they can change in a minute . A person can have a home one day and the next day be on the street...and vice versa. We cannot define people by whether or not they own a house, can we? (Answering that question, I believe, is a part of the learning that is leading me in this direction.)

Anyway, D.'s son and his dog, recently displaced, are moving in...and in this tiny space there is definitely not room for three of us. (He is 6 foot 4 and 250 plus pounds). There are other reasons besides the physicality of his presence that have led me to make this decision...and yes, it is my decision.  No one is forcing me out.. I just know realistically that the three of us can not live together. I made my perspective very  clear before the decision was made, and it was made knowing that. I do not blame D.  I would likely have made the same decision if it was my child.

Regardless, here I am...about to be "unhoused".  That does sound so much better, doesn't it?  Of course, that doesn't mean I will be on the streets, though it could lol...I have no idea what is up ahead in my future. Unlike so many people who find themselves unhoused, I have emergency, short term options. I have the option of sleeping on a couch at my son's...and yes, I made the choice that that house remains my son's or I could stay in the spare room, possibly, at my daughter's for at least three weeks at a time...possibly...all possibly because I have not told my children yet...with the wedding coming up in a couple of weeks, it is not a good time. I have other kind beings offering me a spot to crash, which I cannot accept but I do appreciate. At least I know I won't be displaced right  onto the streets, like so many are. That brings a certain ease.

I have no idea about  the intermediate or long term future.  Facing where I am financially is proving to be very difficult. When I am forced to face how little I have material wise it is both a shock and it is also very, embarrassing ( like I said that part of my ego is still around).  I have a very low monthly income from pension...definitely not enough to rent a place, let alone sustain myself.  ..I have no back up...I had to cash in all my savings and investments when I had to go off work off and on between 2011-2019...let's say it this way so I do not slip into that victim mentality again...when I chose to go off work to support my health...without disability insurance. (Oh man that was a hard time, and its consequences are coming back to haunt me now)...and on top of that I incurred so much debt just trying to keep a roof over my children's heads for years that I have yet to pay back.  I was able to pay back some because of a stupid choice I made out of desperation ...made just so I could pay back some people...but of course not enough and I had to keep incurring more.  .Every decision I made did not factor "what will happen to this "me" in the future " into the equation.  So, the little I do bring in every month...is technically not mine...I owe it all.  I definitely , and in all honesty, own nothing of material value. I am in great debt for someone who owns nothing. I have no vehicle anymore (so I can't live in that :))

So, I am not venturing out into this new independent life style as a woman in her sixties on a solid foundation, am I? My past is catching up with me. I find myself trying desperately to forgive myself for going off work when I did...for not trying harder, for not pushing myself harder. It was just so hard to cope with feeling so crappy and working and raising children on my own...I chose health and well being over future security, even without support.  It seemed like the "higher good" choice at the time.  It really did. I thought I was doing it mostly for my kids...but man they struggled anyway...it didn't seem to do much good. So, here this human I call "me" is...

I love when the tears come up as I ponder this...so many remaining samskaras from that time need to be washed away so badly ...I want them all gone.  So, if I can free myself of all that residual junk and trauma and still end up on the street...it will be worth it. Being purified and open would be worth it.  So, I wonder if that is why this  is all happening. 

I am also reminding myself instead of focusing on this "human" who is now in survival mode... to remember the higher purpose for being here: "to seek you first the Kingdom and His righteousness" which I see as meaning...seek first what is really important: God, connection to who we really are,, maintaining an open, compassionate, and loving heart,  serving Life rather than asking Life to serve us, building trust in the Ananda layer of our beingness, the Higher Self, the omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent forces that cannot necessarily be seen or understood by our limited nervous systems.  Instead of worrying about how I am going to get a house of my own, get food, drink or clothes that I can simply trust that these things will be taken care of if I use this time and challenge to go deeper. This can be a time of great spiritual growth.  Maybe, I can look at it like I am entering "the forest dwelling" mode as the Buddha did, or entering a Himalayan cave like the rishis did... One of my possible options is inhabiting an old abandoned camp that belongs to a family member...in the woods.  There is no Waldon's Pond but maybe I could use that time for exploring Life and writing more deeply.  I don't know. I do not want to romanticize this very challenging situation that too many humans and other beings experience in a lifetime.but I do need to explore the greater meaning for it as I refuse to let it bring me down .  I just know that I cannot let it bring me down.Hmm!  I don't know.  

We will see how things turn out.  Until the next time, let's do our best to remember that God has our back. Our needs will get met, even at those times when it might not seem that way.

All is well. 

Please excuse the lay out...cut and pasted the bible verse and when I cut and paste onto Blogger, I get the big white blocks...and I cannot control the line spacing. Apologies.

Facing an Opportunity

 Do not be afraid of the unknown.  Change is not a threat, it is an opportunity.

Unknown

I have been away from this cathartic and somewhat strange medium where I come to remove the veil of "me'' that is hiding  Self. "Me" has been busy dealing with another very big and life-changing event that is pending. This change is a little "earth -shattering" for the "me" but not for the Self.  I will be back when I can share more as Self.

All is well.

Not an Ordinary Project

 

When you are inspired by some great purpose,

some extraordinary project,

all your thoughts break their ground.

Your mind transcends limitations,

your consciousness expands in every direction,

and you find yourself in a new,

great and wonderful world.

Patanjali

I  don't know about you, but I would love to find myself in a new and wonderful world because I was inspired by some great purpose.  I would love to have an extraordinary project to lose my 'self' in. sometimes, I think this studying what I study, this writing what I write here and elsewhere, the bit of speaking I do...might just be an extraordinary project. It is certainly not "ordinary" lol. I guess, the more I learn and share through this medium...the more my thoughts break their ground and my mind is transcended. While I am doing it, I guess, I am in a great and wonderful place.  Hmm!

All is well

Getting Beyond the Fifth Force: Will

 

Letting go of yourself means being  God dancing with creation.

Michael A. Singer

Besides electromagnetism, gravity, weak nuclear force, and strong nuclear force, Michael Singer tells us there is another energy: Will/ volition/intention. It is the fifth force, the inside force. Will is a force that can oppose anything, a force with great power that we often, unknowingly, use against ourselves in the creation of samskaras.

To understand this force and how it operates inside the human form, like any of the other forces of science, we need to understand energy. 

Everything in this world has its nature...its certain essence at the foundation of what it is. This nature or essence is energy, and all energy is meant to flow through.  The energy of all things that unfold before the human form is meant to be experienced by the Observer. It is supposed to come into the body and mind , be felt, and then released.  The energy of the phenomenon which is unfolding in front of us at any given minute  is meant to come in through our senses so that which is at the center of who we really are...Consciousness or Awareness... can experience it. That is what the body is for...it a sensing vehicle that allows the awareness to travel around this playground called Earth  in...while it experiences it all through us. Once fully experienced and processed, the energy is meant to flow  right through, be released. So, this is the purpose of our human lives: to be  a spacesuit  for consciousness to explore this world with. ...to be an open conduit for energy to pour through

So, what exactly is the body, as a spacesuit, able to take in to allow for this experience?

It is the energy of that thing...the essence of it that is of upmost importance to the felt experience of living. We obviously do not take in the physicality of an experience. The body takes in its vibrating energy in the form of sound waves and then the mind interprets it. When listening to someone play the piano, the pianist or piano obviously do not come into our bodies. The vibration of the music the pianist is playing on the piano enters through the sense organs of hearing. The mind then interprets its nature...forming a sensation of pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral...creating an experience. All experience  is energy and energy is everything. The mind, however, where the powerful force of Will is created...has the power to oppose this energy. And that is where the problems come in.

How should it be in an ideal human experience of living?

All experiences could be beautiful in neutrality. The vibration of music could be beautiful...be it a harsh cacophony of clanging, uncontrolled cords...or a soft soothing masterpiece... if mind didn't judge it and the force of Will didn't always do Mind's bidding based on these judgements. 

What gets in the way of us having these open experiences?

Will.  Mind judges, especially if it is riddled with samskaras as most personal minds are, the energy that comes in from events, other people, things, emotions, thoughts, and circumstances as "good or bad, right or wrong", or something that "should be or shouldn't be". Then Will might be ordered to oppose the natural nature of that energy trying to flow through, blocking it from doing so, creating samskaras. The energy may not pass through because Will got in the way.

So, what is wrong if energy of experience doesn't pass through?

All energy, including the energy of emotion (energy in motion) is meant to move through.  That is the nature of energy. Think of electricity, the powerful first force understood by science. Electricity is meant to continuously move through things. It is a current. If someone gets electrocuted, there is an entrance wound and hopefully an exit wound in the body, showing how that charge not only entered but how it has moved through and out.  Otherwise, there is a problem.  When that charge that is meant to flow through doesn't exit but gets trapped inside the body, it will continue to move looking for a way out doing all types of internal damage, creating a mess inside. When the energy of life experience doesn't pass through us, and gets trapped or stored inside the body and mind, it does damage and it creates a mess. 

What if the Mind judged the experience as pleasant, does it still create a mess?

Yes. Let's go back to the music scenario. Once mind makes an interpretation that the music was very pleasant, and then makes the decision to accept and allow, or even cling to that sound because it is so soothing to the samskara loaded personality, it opens us enough so a bit of Chit Shakti ...our joyful, peaceful, blissful and love-filled eternal, internal energy from within, can flow through. We have a pleasant experience as we listen to the music.  We wrongly attribute the cause of that experience to be originating solely from a place "out there"...the piano player at the piano. In reality, the cause of the pleasant experience is that energy is allowed to do what it is inclined to do...move freely.  We have the energy of the music vibration entering and moving through the body without too much resistance, and we have the energy of shakti from within  able to finally move through us too.  We have opened just enough for some of that Shakti to flow through, even if it is only a trickle. That feels good! Now, if the mind judged this experience as really, really pleasant and told Will it was something it wanted to keep experiencing, Will will do its thing.  It will oppose the outward flow of this energy.  It will push it back down into the body and subconscious mind. We hold onto the energy and we create a samskara...an impression, a pattern of behaving from now on. Hmm? We create an attachment to this experience we judged as pleasant,  desire, a craving, a preference for more and we actively seek things that will bring  similar vibrations into our environment or vibrations  that will remind us of or stimulate that  good feeling which we stored inside. We will keep  looking for the experience we had when those vibrating chords of music first entered our experience. Through Will, the omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipresent power of Our Consciousness will be narrowed down to an outside search to fulfill personal mind's request, "I need more of that." We have built a samskara, an impression and a pattern of behaving. This tendency is going to be one of "desire" which the Buddha Himself said was the cause of suffering. This never ending seeking to quench a thirst that will never be quenched by anything out there, will definitely create some problems inside. 

What happens when the mind judges it as unpleasant?

When the mind judges something as undesirable, it may resist it, creating an even bigger mess inside. . . Now if the mind interprets the clanging cacophony of sound as very unpleasant...unpleasant to the point it says "I can't handle this!  And I don't want anymore of this stuff coming in!" Will will do what it does. It will attempt to resist that vibration from coming in and go through the motions of doing so.  It will stand on guard and close the heart to that vibration.  Of course, if you already heard the music, no matter how much you put your hands over your ears, how much you look away, avoid, deny, numb... what happened has already happened. There is no changing that reality.  The vibration is already inside you.  Will will then push that experience down below the level of conscious awareness, so we don't have to deal with it, through a process of suppression and repression. We will not fully experience it. We formed another samskara to add to all the others. That charge of energy has entered but it didn't leave.  There is no exit wound...and therefore it is circling inside looking for a way out.  The Mind will then direct Will to do whatever it can to protect us from the resurfacing of this vibrating energy. It will look outwards determining how it will keep us away from all potential triggers. It will focus inward on these samskaras and do whatever it can to keep them down.  That isn't fun.  And as long as we are closed to what might trigger us out there, we have closed the flow of Shakti from within.  We have created tight little lives. Energy is moving creating turmoil but it is not flowing through. It is making a mess inside.

Sigh! So, what do we do?.....

We recognize what the mind tends to do and we work on countering those tendencies. We use this amazing power of Will to release and relax. We stop using it for resisting Life energy and holding it down. We practice staying open and not closing to all Life offers us...so this Shakti can do what it is meant to do, so the energy of Life experience can do what it is meant to do- flow through us! 

Hmm! When we do that, when we let go of what is in the way, we will simply be  God dancing with creation again.  

All is well.  

Michael singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True. (August 27, 2026) Exploring the Nature of Will. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5zV7yW9I68&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

The Dignity of Writing for the Sake of Writing

 

Writing for the sake of writing, writing that draws its credibility from its very existence, is a foreign idea to most Americans. ...Credibility lies in the act of writing.  That is where the dignity is.

Julia Cameron

I often refer to poetry as soul speak...it is that which emerges from the soul, and is carried to other souls.  One soul speaks to another soul through poetry. It also speaks to the soul of the person transcribing that message. That is often the case for me.  When a poem comes through me...it may not mean anything to anyone else...but there is usually a message in it, for this human I call "me",  to learn from.  Poetry is reminding me that I am the higher being meant for that message. It is pretty cool.

I was talking to someone about writing yesterday...about how this pure desire to write simply to write  sometimes gets tangled up in ego's desire to receive the "fruits of action" for my writing.  My writing doesn't seem to be getting anywhere, reaching anyone, certainly not serving this ego...so why do I write? I stressed to this person that I just want to write for the sake of writing...and I don't really know why. 

So, this morning I came here with that intention in mind and I reviewed what was read in the last 24 hours.  What came up? 

This:

Message in a Bottle 

 

Dripping with my truth, 

the pen bleeds a message 

onto barren  paper.

In a cursive awkwardly mastered, 

loops and twists form the first 

 inadequate words: "Dear Reader..."

 

I know not who this reader is 

that I write this message for....

It matters not, I guess

 to the being doing the dictating,

to the being in the depths of me

who commands in a voice 

so small but demanding,

"Write! Just write!" 

Lost in the call, 

an insignificant  branch 

that bears no fruit at its tips,

I pour out my life learning, 

my pain and my sorrow,

my joy and my awe.

I try to describe

all the still and moving images 

my mind has snapped 

and frozen in time over 

the wake of many fading decades.

I write until my hand is tired 

and the loops and twists, 

despite their longing to be eloquent, 

 become nothing but 

exhausted broken symbols 

that are difficult to decipher. 

I cannot help but sigh.

The message, I must trust, 

will transcend the scribbling in its clarity,

will extend beyond the page 

with little help from "me".

 

I sign a name 

heavy in its obscurity,

 before lifting the now inkless pen

from that which it so lovingly caressed 

only a moment before.

 

I then roll the paper, 

and this truth it carries, 

unceremoniously, 

into a tight little cylinder 

before awkwardly stuffing it

 into the narrow opening

 of the somewhat resistant glass bottle

I had chosen.

Sighing again,.. 

I seal the message 

into this container 

 in preparation 

for the  long, uncharted 

journey ahead.

 

Standing on the shoreline of eternity, 

I close my weary eyes. 

With breath sucked in, 

I swing my arm back, 

then forward, before

releasing with quiet reluctance, 

this ship or this casket-

whatever it will become-.

into the air.

My words 

are pulled up and away from my grasp, 

released into the ocean's waiting arms.

When I feel the cool splash 

of their departure on my satisfied skin, 

I know my job is done.

 

What happens now

to this message 

with those hastily scribbled words 

is out of my hands.

I may never know where 

it will end up. 

The waves of Life, 

not me, 

will decide its fate.

 

Maybe, 

its destiny will be 

forever entwined with the ocean's,

bobbing up and down 

with every crest and trough,

floating without purpose 

beneath eternity's endless skies.

 

Or maybe... 

it will be guided by fate's tide 

to some distant sandy shore  

where it will be pulled onto the beach 

to lay quietly, collecting  the suns rays,

glistening in the spectrum  

of its color, until it is noticed. 

 

Maybe ....

a passerby, 

attracted to the reflection of light 

coming from this 

well travelled glass container,

will bend to pick it up.

Maybe, the bottle will be unsealed  

by these same curious, 

serendipity -trusting fingers, 

and the paper pulled out.

 

Maybe....

what I have written 

will be read

and maybe ....

it will be received with openness and awe,

while the reader gains 

even just a speck of wisdom

from the life lessons 

I have painstakingly transcribed.

 

Or maybe...

the message will lay 

exactly where it has landed,

unnoticed and unread…forever.

And, with no eulogy or epitaph 

to lift it from insignificance,

be slowly buried 

beneath the wind blown sands 

it rests upon.

 

I do not know where 

this message in a bottle will end up

or if and how it may be received. 

That is not mine to know. 

I did what I was here to do,

I wrote and I let go.

I released  that which was never mine

back to the Source from whence it came.

The rest is not up to "me". 

© Dale-Lynn, May, 2023 (Reworked November 17, 2023)

All is well