In the midst of the manifold [the human experience], he who sees that One; in the midst of the infinite death, he who sees that one life; in the midst of the manifold, he who sees that which never changes in his own soul - unto him belongs eternal peace.
Vivekananda
I read that above passage before going to bed. It soothed me a bit. I am seeking peace and I know that Self realization (seeing what never changes in my own soul, this 'Chit Shakti') is the path to take. I have been on this path for many years, progressing in increments towards the end goal. It has been a slow, arduous journey full of one challenging test from life after another...for me,(though it isn't this way for all). I can finally see how those stages of incremental growth are coming closer together. In other words, the journey is speeding up a bit. I am getting through this stage of the dark night of the soul. Life is plopping wise teachers in front of me. (Well not actually...lol...that would be kidnapping...but through their teachings that show up on my lap or on my computer I am offered a light here and a light there as I stumble along through this night.) I see now the very beginnings of a dawn emerging over the horizon. Thank God! Because this stage, this "dark night" is a real pain in the you know what!
Michael Singer...is a guide and teacher I have been given as a gift to see me through. Not that I am trying to personalize ownership of him lol (or anything for that matter) but it is like he showed up in this life I call mine for a reason. We are on the same vibrational or intellectual wave length. I think about something, write about or speak about something, as I have done yesterday, and I listen to a podcast and sure enough he is talking about the same thing. And I get it! I get what he is saying so completely. Sigh!
Chit Shakti
He spoke about Chit Shakti today. He said consciousness (Chit) and energy (shakti) are the same thing. He mentioned how energy flows where attention goes....something I have been writing about for a while now. I think he said, Where you put your consciousness, you put your energy.
I have been doing energy work as I read Sue Morter's "The Energy Codes". I have been attempting to get beyond the narrative, the story I create in my mind to the felt experience of where my blocked energies...my samskaras... are stored in my body. I am trying to get beyond the intellectual mind with all its concepts and beliefs to the felt experience of what I have stuffed and stored. I know I simply have to experience what is there for it to be released. But, of course, there is so much story in the way and my consciousness still gets pulled into the story. I am, however, beginning to see this story telling clearly.
Story in the Way of Shakti
Let me give you a long boring example :):
I woke up with "bone pain" last night. My hips, my shins, my thighs were really aching...so much so I couldn't fall back to sleep. My mind noticed the body sensations and automatically went into the story. This is how it was talking to me, "Must be a rebound increase in osteoclastic activity since I went off my osteoporosis meds in preparation for the dental surgery coming up. Hmmm! I was more or less told the infected wisdom tooth should be removed quickly because of the mitral valve issue...don't want Infective Endocarditis. So, out of concern I am referred to a place farther away because it was thought I would get in right away but I get a call telling me I do not even get a consult visit until June. No one there told me to go off my meds but I had the sense to know I should be off it for a few months before any dental surgery that might expose the jaw to potential problems. So...that means this pain might be a nightly occurance for another few months. Isn't that wonderful! What about those shins? Been having that pain for so long now but the X-Rays are not showing stress fractures. Either my pain threshold is not as high as I thought it was or I am a wimp!"
The thought stream started with just analyzing the pain but it quickly progressed to a story about past experiences.
"This is how health seeking goes for me...how it always goes for me. My "pain" means nothing to others. It is as if no one believes it is real. What is happening in my body doesn't mean anything to others either, it seems. The system is too busy to care about the likes of me. Maybe, they just want to make money off me or just get me out of their offices by offering me trinkets. This tooth thing may be absolutely nothing! It might not cause any more problems at all...but can I take that chance? I had a cardiac surgeon tell me I would have to have my valve replaced or repaired in my sixties. I am in my sixties. In 2009, I was told that I need a stress echo done yearly...I had one a few years ago and that was the only one I had in fifteen. I am not too concerned about the valve-the murmur comes and goes but if there is any strep or staff floating around in my bloodstream it could decide to pop a squat on one of those old and extra tired cusps of mine. My luck...it would but I would never be able to get it diagnosed or treated because nobody has the time to care. I am on my own on this health seeking journey. I cannot depend on others."
I know this part of the story telling is based on old conditioning ...a result of many not so great past experiences that I have stored over the decades of my life since I first started noticing and seeking help for these little problems with my heart. This part of the story was taking me away from self accountability and into an "other-induced victimhood" wrapped in a good dose of self pity. :)
Progressing Back through Layers of Story
I caught myself there and started to bring myself back toward the Self...the Seat of awareness...but I knew I had many layers of story to get through. I had to travel through the "Oh Woe is me" story line to the part of the story where I realized I was focusing on other responsibility in my victimhood instead of focusing on my own. It was more comfortable to project outward than inward. I told myself it was time to look inward at the mess I (not anyone else) created in my head. I went through a series of "You know better. It was up to you to ask and more or less ensure these tests got done. You are intelligent woman, why didn't you advocate harder for your own health?"
There was much self deprecation and self- blaming in this layer as the hard question was asked.
This question brought me to exploring some old core beliefs partially buried in the shame body layer. (I say partially buried because I have been digging down there for some time). "Man...I really do not think I am deserving of support for my health care needs, do I? Every time I seek help I do so in shame. I do so with this voice in my head, "How dare you bother others about your problems." How does one advocate for self with that core belief in them?"
Then it took me to a sense of more generalized shame and unworthiness at the core of my belief system. I was ashamed to even see that was inside me. Then my redeeming analytical mind kicked in again. It told me it wasn't my fault that I believed this and it proceeded to help me to explore why that belief is there. It took me on a whirlwind of memory-induced story.
Thank God, I caught myself at that point. I realized the mind was taking me on this story ride as a means of escape from having to experience the feelings and sensations I have stuffed and stored and kept pushing back down for so long. Intellectual mind, as misguided as it was, was doing me a solid by trying to keep me from the felt experience of my now. The story telling itself was a form of resistance to experiencing the moment, which included the pain in my physical body and the pain of these old stuffed emotions emerging.
You are causing your own problems. Stop it!
So, I decided no more resisting, no more closing. I sat up on a cushion to meditate. I was determined to sit with what is without the story. I breathed focusing on the abdomen rising on the in breath, falling on the out breath and began to relax into the experience of physical pain. I began to relax into that feeling of shame as it came up. When story came up...and it did again and again...I just said "story" to myself and fell back deeper, away from what the mind was doing. I kept falling back toward the Seat.
Then I did some of the "Central Channel Breathing" that Dr. Sure Morter writes about in her book. I wanted the channels opened. I wanted Chit Shakti to be able to flow freely and that meant some of those blockages had to be lifted up and out of the way. I breathed like this for several moments. From there I did a bit of her "Generating Love: Choosing to Be Loved" Heart Chakra work....to help transmute this feeling of unworthiness to a feeling of loving and being loved.
The tears came as I sat, very gently like a soft cleansing rain. I felt lighter.
I fell deeper back away from the story until there was no story. I knew I wasn't my story or my thoughts. I wasn't this core belief that had dominated my life for so long. I wasn't this feeling of shame or unworthiness. I was the conscious energy that was watching it all go down.
When I finished the meditation, the pain in the body was still there but I was able to sleep through it. Hmmm!
Learning From the Story Building Tendency
I learned a lot about the "story" so many of us are all tangled up in, last night. I spent some years studying psychology and psychology is all about understanding the story of "me". It attempts to help us "through" it while we reamin "in" it. I thought for so long that I had to work my way through the story of my life, while in the story of me, to heal. Even last night...I was working my way through the layers back to Self. Now I know differently.
Conscious energy will get pulled into that story and when it does we start to believe the narrative and see ourselves as the protagonist in it. We are not the story nor are we the protagonist in that story. We are that which exists behind that which we are focusing on.
Spirituality takes us beyond the story to the One that is listening.
You are chit shakti...conscious energy
Dr. Sue Morter teaches that we do not have to process through story to heal. We can go directly to the energy pattern that needs to shift and be released through the body. She too emphasizes that it all just energy crying to be released so Shakti (though she might not use that term) can flow through. I could have bypassed the story altogether last night and gone directly to the energy center in the body needing to be shifted.
Energy flows where attention goes...is a little mantra I repeat often to myself to remind me to be mindful of what I am focusing on. I think I might like this one from Michael Singer more:
I am where my consciousness is.
"I am" is the sacred Self within. It is consciousness. It is energy.
What is even more comforting is this
Ultimately consciousness will stop staring away from itself and settle back into itself.
That is what I experienced last night with my conscious intention to remove my attention away from story; to take it from the object of consciousness to consciousness.
So much of human suffering has to do with being tangled up in a story that keeps us trapped and bound in that which doesn't serve; in a story we created. We are not the stories we tell ourselves. We are that which is behind them. We are the sacred "I am."
It is chit shakti because consciousness and energy are the same thing!...You're it!
We can fall back into being It! Or we can stay stuck and bound in our stories. What do you believe would serve us and the world best?
He who knows he is free is free; he who knows that he is bound is bound. Vivekananda
All is well.
Dr. Sue Morter (2019) The Energy Codes. Atria: New York.
Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( May 1, 2025) Chit Shakti: The Unity of Consciousness and Energy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jymAbYx9jGU&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1
Vivekananda, Complete Works, Kindle Edition.
