Just Something You are Experiencing?

 

Depression is an invitation.  It is the first phase guiding us into an awakening. Depression leads to transcendence and we can track that in the brain. We find that when people find the yearning and struggle, it is the precursor; it is the annuciation, of a spiritual expansion coming. If we say yes to it and walk the full path. So, the next time you start to feel anxious or depressed or we aren't getting what we want...that is not a bad thing. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/t946xC_wCzM

I have been waking up every morning with this big knot of sadness, confusion, and a sense of being stuck in me.  Every morning lately, I feel like I, as a little human, am a mess. Why? For several reasons that have nothing to do with the reality of the experience.  It is not the sadness, the struggle, the feeling stuck and displaced that is the problem. 

What is the cause then crazy lady? 

There are many reasons. The first cause is that I am bringing my focus down to this "me".

We are a mess because we don't keep things in perspective....Everything comes down to "me". Michael Singer

We are a mess because we are taking it personally, when it isn't personal. We are spinning off and wallowing in self pity. Pema Chodron, paraphrased.

The second cause is I am also resisting it. I feel like this experience is "bad, wrong, shouldn't be".  I struggle against the what isness of it. According to Pema Chodron, I am spinning out away from what is. 

There is a difference between pain and suffering. Pain is the what isnness of the experience and the suffering is lack of acceptance of reality. Pema Chodron, paraphrased

That leads to the third reason. I am not collaborating with reality. I am not accepting the suchness or the what isness of the moment.  In those moments I am feeling sad, I am feeling confused about where I am and where I am supposed to go from here, and  I am feeling stuck in an unwanted set of circumstances.  It doesn't feel good.  But this is the experience I am having.  It is what it is. My resistance of reality cause the suffering. 

"I don't want to experience this...I don't want to experience reality" Good luck! (Singer)

I am not seeing the beauty of simply being able to experience this as it is. 

Beauty? What beauty could be in this experience of pain?

First of all, it is a perfect and beautiful sign  of a much needed debridement ...of a healing taking place. 

Say what, crazy lady? Depression is  sign of a healing?

Yes, I believe it to be.  In this case, for this human, anyway. So many false layers of protective personality have been removed over the last few years. This protective personality may have stopped me from feeling this sadness I am experiencing now...but that sadness was there for decades.  It is something I stuffed and stored years ago. I built these layers of Redeemer Ego around it in the form of a personality, a false, 'masquerading' self...but that personality became like unhealthy tissue preventing the tissue beneath it from growing and being truly healthy. In this process of waking up, Life has removed many of those false layers through circumstance and I, finally realizing the unhealthiness of this outer tissue, cooperated and did my part in removing it. Together we have exposed the vulnerable tissue underneath and it stings.  I am seeing it and experiencing it as it is....for the first time in decades. It and all that has contaminated my life is now free to be released. The process is painful leading to such emotions...but it is a necessary part of true healing.

How else can such a heart wrenching feeling be beautiful?

Because it is reality and reality is beautiful as it is. This, that we get to experience in every given moment...be it considered "good, bad, or ugly" by the personality... is beautiful for consciousness ...and consciousness doesn't get all tangled up in the personalization of it like personal mind does. A moment of depression is one of many different experiences consciousness gets to have. In those moments when I wake up with that knot in my gut, consciousness gets to have that experience through this human I call me. 

The moment you are experiencing is a special experience...it has never happened before and it will never happen again and o are the one that is experiencing it. Singer

The moment I notice the knot in my gut, that feeling of sadness, that anxiety, that sense of being stuck and this need to do something about it, can be a wonderful, precious experience. Why? Because  consciousness is having it.  It is like consciousness is saying, "Oh, so this is what it feels like for this human I call "me" to be stuck in in an experience it isn't sure it wants." 

Depression  gives us a chance to fall back away from overidentification with little me and back into the perspective of consciousness. ...to observe what the human is experiencing without the attachment of "me, my, and mine". Who is feeling the suffering? Just the resisting "little me". Sure, consciousness has the experience of pain and discomfort, as it is here to experience amongst all the other things it can experience, but it doesn't have to get all caught up in  the suffering that only personal mind can generate.

"I am the one in here experiencing this..." 

Suffering forms like depression, then, can help us to expand away from our focus on little me and into the spiritual experience

Once we recognize that we can use our suffering in a beautiful way to take the mind from me and into our interbeingness with everyone and everything, according to Pema Chodron. In a paraphrased form of her blessing, I will leave you with this:

May our personal suffering...instead of being something that causes us to turn protectively inward and close off ... become a vehicle for understanding the shared experience of humanity through compassion for the like suffering of others... 

All is well

Andre Duquim/Know ThySelf ( ?) Depression Might Actually Be the Beginning of Your Awakening.https://www.youtube.com/shorts/t946xC_wCzM

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/Sounds True (May, 2026) The Truth About Acceptance: Why Resisting Reality Causes Suffering. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiXOOd4iiNo&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Pema Chodron/Sounds True. (May 27, 2026) Why Pulling Away From What is Hard Always Makes It Worse https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfCwjumpJRY&t=4s

Doing Great Things?

 If I cannot do great things, I will do small things in a great way.

Martin Luther King Jr

I may never be known for doing great things in this lifetime. I may never do great things. I may never be recognized, appreciated, or rewarded for what I put out there. That's okay. I can still offer the bit I have to the world and hope that someone or something finds some type of benefit in it. Can't I?  As long as I am serving Life in some small way...isn't that enough?

All is well

Stealing the Mind from Care?

 Flowers with the sweetest odors 

filled all the sunny air,

and not alone refreshed the sense, 

but stole the mind from care.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I sit here at the small table that fits this space, looking out at the tops of my flowers recently planted into boxes outside my windows. They themselves, in their natural splendor are beautiful...the boxes...not so beautiful. They are too small for the window frames.  I was hoping that it would be okay but I know from my research into expert opinion that the box should match or be bigger than the window frame itself. Sigh! I assume they look "tacky!". Once again, I did something imperfect and I am now wondering and worried about what others will think. This return of a thought focus I have been without for many months, I know, is a carry over from the open vulnerability I experienced yesterday. 

I am not like other people in the way I view things.  What is okay for me in my domestic attempts is not okay for most.  I realize that.  I look at nature and see the perfect beauty in the imperfect disorder of it. I do little to manipulate or control it...and when I do it all feels so wrong to myself and likely to others who are witnessing my awkward attempts. I just wanted flowers growing in their own lovely way in front of my house and that is exactly what they are doing. Why does it matter what type of box they are in or how they appear to humans? The wasps who are still in control of this household, because of my fear of them :), like the flowers just as they are. 

It is all good. It is all as it is.

"So Be It!"

Mind can be the biggest trap, or the biggest liberator. The personal mind is the biggest trap... and you are completely addicted to it.... Do you know what liberation means? Freedom from the personal mind....The personal mind is a problem...Are you willing to look underneath that?   You [can]eventually let it go...becoming nobody. 

Michael A. Singer 

 "So be it!"

Imagine being able to say that to everything that unfolds in front of us or through us, regardless of what it is. 

How I long to be able to say. "So, be it!"  to every experience life hands this human I call me to feel its way through. Why don't I?  This "me" is still there, addicted to the personal mind, reacting to circumstances where it perceives it is being judged, criticized, or expected to be less than others.  

There are people in this life experience, whom I love dearly, but who, without meaning to, poke that samskara within me that shouts, "You are not only not enough but you deserve to be shamed, criticized and punished for your less than normal efforts. " These individuals are good and amazing people who just happen to have a lot more than this human has. They earned their success and I am truly happy for them. Yet, personal mind still tends to feel "less than" when I am with them...not good enough in anything I do or say.  As a result, I find myself sometimes ingenuine...attempting to create image, please in some ways; becoming overly defensive, and self protective in others. 

Are they responsible for this feeling experience within me? 

No! Absolutely not. I am the only being responsible. I am simply experiencing samskara triggering while in their presence.  I stuffed and stored very radio-active and sensitive-to-explosion stuff within me.  Being that the shame samskara is already making its way to the surface, and I have already peeled away so many  layers of ego-self  that once offered at least some form of false protection from the world, this humanis very vulnerable and 'sensitive'. It is much easier for others to trip over the invisible trigger line, to expose, aggravate, and ignite this toxic stuff I stored inside....without even realizing they ever did. It doesn't take much these days to stir up my insides. The samskara ridden personalities of others, unknowingly, tend to stir up these inner emotional currents and core beliefs from this human's personality.  

And that is a wonderful thing to a mind that wants to be free from the trap of personal mind! 

So, be it!

I woke up feeling this innocently triggered samskara of shame and unworthiness once again in the center of my core. It made its wiggling and writhing way up to conscious awareness. I didn't squish it back down, though personal mind was strongly encouraging me to do so. I said , "So be it!" and  I sat with it.  I could see where it was coming from, and why, but I didn't dwell on story. The tears came. I allowed them. 

So, be it!

Once I took a step back, I could also see that the experience was a result of a personal mind trap. In my addicted tendency,  I was directing this amazing, infiniitely wide consciousness, the impersonal mind, to once again stare down at the "little me."  I realized, I was allowing my perception of Life to be all about me again. So, I took another deep breath and another mental step backwards. I recited my intention to "open, release, purify, heal, align, love self, expand my heart, live life through Love, and to find freedom in awakening".   I breathed my way through the physical and emotional discomfort, honoring both. I released that which was ready for release and then I went back to the business of living.  Hmmm! 

There is still a big knot in my belly but it is getting smaller and smaller with every release, with every trigger. 

So be it!

I may not appear to be much on the outside to others. That is true. An imperfect human who has little, does little, offers little but a few imperfect gifts to the world. But...I also know that is just the way personal minds, including mine, may see it. It is not who I am. 

What is inside you is more beautiful than anything you could ever feel [or show] from the outside. 

I am becoming "nobody" and I am  greater for it.

So, be it!

All is well.

Michael A. Singer ( May, 2026) The Impersonal Nature of Reality. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LffWNeYwXVY

Beyond the Being Thought

 You don't think.  You are being thought by thought.

Eckhart Tolle

Then when we start to catch ourselves thinking, we might want to remind ourselves...

The recognition of thought is not a thought. The recognition of thought comes through awareness or presence, and the awareness or presence is the higher consciousness, the arising new consciousness.

Tolle

All is well.

Eckhart Tolle. ( May 2026) What Most People don't Undersatnd About Spiritual Awakening.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLN1A7x2OHk&t=595s

Be You?

 To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying  to make you something else is the greatest accomplishent.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

In other words...it is tough to be who you truly are in a world trying to condition you through shame and fear to be someone that matches social norms, convictions, and expectations but being so is a great acheivement.

So that being you and "doing you" refers to who we are  "personality" wise, I suppose and appeals to the mind set still stuck on that level of thinking, which would be most of us, right? So, Emerson could be saying if you find yourself in a physical body, relationship, role, or life situation that doesn't match who you feel you are pronoun wise, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or in any other way ....do something about it. Be you. Do you...If you can follow your heart even when society judges, criticizes, condemns, you are acheiving something great.

I agree...but...we can take it deeper than being who we are at the little self level, can't we? We can learn to be who we truly are beyond the gender identifications, the roles we play, the circumstances of our lives, how we think, and how we feel.  We can seek to be the Self that exists beyond the self. Now, that to this "me" is the real acheivement. To see the One "us" or the One "I"  as the only pronouns needed...is the true accomplishment of this life time, wouldn't you say?

All is well. 

What Would Happen if You Stopped Staring at Yourself?

 You are running away from what you know will close you, and you are running to what you think will open you.

Michael Singer

Imagine what life would be like if we were not constantly staring at this "little me" we believe ourselves to be. What would our experiences be like if we stopped running to and from everything in life in order to protect this sensitive heart, but settled, instead, into the special spaciousness of what is? Hmm! It would be a lot easier, wouldn't it be? It would be alot more joyful and peaceful. 

We need to learn to keep the heart open.

All is well

Michael Singer/ Sounds True/ Temple of the Universe ( May, 2026) Stop Closing Your Heart. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfknZDd6FaA

Real Danger! Real Fear?

 

Danger is very real, but fear is a choice.

Will Smith

I spent the rest of the day yesterday, after that posting, afraid and building on that fear the way that humans do.  I Googled! 

I discovered, during the extensive Google search, that we likely have a large colony or many colonies of European Paper Wasps ( an "invasive species" ) in the attic and wall boards of this house...thus their appearing inside when all openings out seem to be sealed.  The numbers we have inside in a run of a day (anywhere from six to 20) are a fraction of the numbers we are seeing outside, and the numbers we are seeing outside are likely even a smaller fraction of the numbers inside their colonies. So, I started to envision this really, really big collection of colonies above my head. I then read how Paper Wasps could chew through dry wall and how colonies could then swarm through ceilings to attack those below whom they naturally assume are responsible for their new exposure. I also read how strange vibrations down stairs could aggravate the defensive gaurds in those attic nests to do what they feel they are there to do. The numbers above my head kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger and more dangerous in my mind's eye as I learned all this. 

Just as I was reading that and imagining a swarm of angry wasps landing on my head, I could hear a certain hum in the vent leading to the roof. I thought it was just my imagination until the dogs began to bark and sure enough two wasps came down through the vent as if instigated by the dog bark. Caught up in what I read and what the mind can do with its catstrophic thinking, my amygdala and I freaked.  I began to run outside but when I opened the porch door one of the usually non-aggressive wasps began flying at the glass door...(sensing my panic maybe?) ...I slammed that and found myself stuck in the kitchen between the guy outside and the two flying around inside, and all the others I imagined were  above my head. 

At this point, I had no epipen...I grabbed my phone and called the pharmacy to order one. I then sent an "I -am -really -panicking -here -and-need-you-to-do-something -but -I -am -going -to -pretend -I -am -not" text to D. who was golfing. I explained that I needed him to pick up the pen on the way home and why. I began to call and talk to people I know to casually speak of the wasp situation and my possible need for a place to crash for a few days.  When I explained the situation ...especially when I told them I woke up with one on me this morning...they, of course, reacted in a way that my dramatic ego mind liked and in a way my amygdala spent its life waiting for. "Oh Great...a legitimate reason to do my job!"

And the fear and the obsession increased. ...as did the activity of the two wasps floating around in my living room. (There has to be something to that...seriously...they must be able to pick up on the vibration of fear and because of their own hive mind, individual insects must pick up external tension as if being signaled to defend from a threat all at once...I am sure people study that phenomenona and I would be interested in reading more on it. ...but definitely not while I am still living in this house lol). Anyway, I tried going outside again...but buddy said "Nope!" as he again came at the glass. I was a mess...a big cortisol loaded mess. And I was stuck...spent hours in the kitchen. I did not have the same passive compassion and respect I had for the  wasps earlier that day, let me tell ya! Fear was bigger than all of us.

The danger was indeed real but maybe not to the extent I thought it was. Fear could have distorted the reality of the danger. I wanted my epipen, convinced that would make me feel safer at least. I called D. again to casually ask if he was almost home.  He wasn't...he was just leaving the greens. I am sure he must have heard the panic in my voice. I chastised myself , "Oh my gosh...you feel trapped between creatures that are only one inch long. Come on!  What's up with that?" 

Then I  tried to soothe the mind, " Well maybe I am not anaphylactically allergic. I mean, I was stung on the tip of my finger by that tiny little hornet years ago and all that happened is that my hand and arm swelled up. I didn't have any other systemic sympmtons (it was a tiny hornet). Maybe all I will have is a large local reaction if I get stung by one (or many) of these guys."  But then the memories of that day I got stung by a big yellow jacket in Brownie camp years ago flooded me.  I got so sick then...swelled up so much...arms, neck, face so quickly.  I vomited and passed out within minutes as well. Yeah...I know I am allergic. The danger is real and knowing that makes me choose fear:  "I need that epipen!"

So, I waited in the kitchen for hours until he came home. When he did finally arrive, he removed the wasps from the house and porch, tried to seal up the vent, and proceeded to explain how he was going to handle the problem on his own.  He got some pesticide from the neighbour.  I pointed out that we do not know where the nests are.  We cannot follow them in to one particular spot with a spray or dust because the openings are everywhere!  I counted about twenty spots where they can be observed coming in and out of from one end of the house to another. Where does he spray..??  That makes it quite complicated.He didn't seem to hear me.

Like he tends to do ( no judgement...just observation), he reduced the significance of the problem to a level of concern that was under realistic...but... it soothed me. I took a deep breath and  I gave it back to him to handle. I stopped focusing on wasps for the rest of the evening...(that is until I heard a buzz or seen another one floating around the house for him to remove.lol) I showed him how to use the epipen in case I can't. With no sight of a wasp, the problem went out of our minds...more out of his than mine maybe.  I still remain a bit too vigalent for my liking. 

I realize that I can not stay here. I have to leave  until the problem is fixed. I do not want to harm these wasps but I cannot risk my life either.  I have to leave the problem with him...he is not allergic and it is his house...I strongly encouraged a professional assessment and a gentle approach ...but it is his to handle in any way he chooses. I...in this human body...need to step out of the way.  These guys may never sting me (though D. got stung at least once) but I decided I value my life enough not to take that chance. I don't hate the wasps or even resent them.  Let's just say I respect them lol. And I would like to respect them from a distance while D. takes care of the problem.  That's all. So after my yoga class tomorrow, I will move in with my daughter until the problem is taken care of.  The wasps and I cannot be roommates. This is how Life was telling me to ripple. They showed up in my life for a reason. I just need to go with it.

The danger is real but the fear is a choice. I cannot live in a place where I am constantly  'reasonably' afraid of a very real danger that will get larger and larger as time passes. This is, afterall, only spring and if we are seeing numbers this large now...imagine what it will be like in late summer. 

All is well. 

Wiggling?

 Taoism teaches you to wiggle all the way through...not only from foot to head, but  from one end of space to the other. To learn to be with the wiggle is the Tao.

Alan Watts

What is the wiggle?

It is mutuality...where there is an accord to move together like dancers who are wonderfully  partnered so you don't know which one is leading and which one is following...and that is how you act in concord with your environment...you arise together ...not necessarily in time...

In other words, we are One with the ever changing nature of phenomena, of our passage through Life. We need to dance with it instead of try to control it. 

Nothing could look more different than a bee and a flower but they are one single orgnism...tied together by things that are not so visible to us but visible to the bee. They arise mutually....come into being together.

You, as an individual, arise mutually with the rest of the universe... 

We wiggle when we flow with nature, allowing it to be as it is, becoming its partner not its boss. 

I try to wiggle my way through Life.  I have literally been wiggling alot lately. Moving here and moving there like a straw floating on the surface of an ever flowing stream that is sometimes smooth, many times choppy but always moving. 

I am wiggling even more now wondering what to do next. This human is presently experiencing a challenge in  this present living situation.  I am observing  nature doing what nature does but a little too close to home,  in a way that any partnership with it creates a survival risk for  this body I call mine.

Wiggling and Dancing with the Paper Wasps

Paper wsaps are interesting facets of nature. They do a lot of good in the spring, keeping the numbers of certain insects in check. (They are carniverous). And unlike other wasps they are not overly aggressive and are very cooperative. Though a colony will stick with their queen from the beginning, staying in the same nest she built all season...they will allow other paper wasps to set up colonies near by creating a whole city of different nests. There appears to be hundreds, and I mean literally, hundredsof paper wasps colonizing under the shingles of this roof and inside its many age induced cracks and crevices. They are constantly circling around the house from all angles going in and out many different holes. They gather in this little porch in the dozens.  They group together in great numbers in between the panes of these little windows to the point it is difficult to see outside. And they get inside. Despite the  closing of the windows and D's constant attempts at gathering and removing live bodies to the outside, there is always a few flying around in here. I woke up with one on me this morning.

So, crazy lady?

This human body is allergic to wasp stings.  I don't have an epi-pen.  (Not having an epipen is totally on me...very irresponsible... being that  I am 30 minutes away from the hospital. I need to rectify that...okay  this part doesn't fit into the story I am trying to tell lol). Not having emergency protection is my doing.  The wasp infestation, however, is nature's doing. Nature is just doing what it does.  The wasps are just doing wat they do and my immune system will do what has become natural for it- over react. Sigh!

Though these  paper wasps are not naturally aggressive...they will sting if aggravated or when other beings get  near their nests. The problem is we do not know where those nests are.  Because of the number of these wasps...and I am saying hundreds floating around this little house at a given time...there must be several nests in the roof and in other places we cannot see or get to...therefore we cannot do something about each nest. 

I don't like to kill anything. I especially do not want to kill any pollinators. (I fear the numbers of pollinating insects...despite what is around my house ...are dropping...Maybe the last of the world's paper wasps are congregating here. lol). I definitely do not want to call in an exterminator or to use pesticides that would also harm the few bees I see in the yard, the hummers, and the birds I am feeding.  No, I cannot do that, not only because I sincerely wish no harm on anything, but because I truly see the interbeingness of everything. I KNOW we are all so deeply, deeply connected in ways we cannot see or understand with our limited minds. Harming anything, then, doesn't make any sense.

So, I do not know what to do. Do I just let nature be of itself?

Yes, I need to get an epi-pen! Then what?  

This is only spring. Right now wasps are just looking to build their nests, populate and eat meat.  They are going about their business looking for insect larvae etc. Come summer, however, they are going to have a wicked sweet tooth and even the paper wasps will be a little testy. How am I going to go about my business then?  I have ordered all my gardening suff with the intention of adding a bit of natural beauty to the front of the house. Even if I have an epi-pen, its protection ability is limited. After each subsequent sting, the reaction gets worse. To run into a nest...well that could be the end of me in this body. 

So, as I float down this stream, wiggling and dancing with the paper wasps I ask the question, "Do I need to leave this place?  Is this nature's way of saying, "I want this dance to be over because you keep stepping on my toes crazy lady!Go elsewhere. It's time for you to leave. This is not your home?"

I mean regardless if I stay or leave does  something have to be done about the wasps?  The numbers are so great it is dangerous for any human. Even D. could be severely harmed if they all decide to go after him at once for constantly tapping on the roof to see where they are...as he does to no avail. They come out of so many places.  And he needs to replace the roof which could prove lethal if there are many, many nests under the shingles like I assume there is. Like I am not exaggerating...the numbers are ridiculous. 

So, when I can get through the porch to go outside, I find myself just standing there looking out at one of nature's many perfect creations flying around the house, asking, "WT Frontdoor are we going to do about this?" and more importantly, "Which way is Life asking me to wiggle now?"

I know that just because I am human my life is no more valuable than the wasp's because my life is the wasp's. It is so strange knowing this.

Deepen your consciousness...go down to the roots where it ceases to be you.

All is well. 

Alan Watts/Official Alan Watts Org. ( May, 2026) Alan Watts-Being in the Way 2: On Taoism, Energy, and the Illusion of Separateness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LE3G7GC3HnU

In the Bardo?

 Right now is a bardo and has a lot of possibility for growth and happiness...It is continously arising, dwelling, and ceasing. 

Pema Chodron

What is a bardo, crazy lady?

A bardo, according to Pema Chodron and Tibeten Buddhists is a gap, an in-between state, where something has ended and something new has yet to begin.  

In Pema Chodron's life, it came as a state of groundlessness, where she reports she experienced a loss of bearings. Part of her wanted nothing more than to go back to what was familiar but at the same time she had a deeply intuitive feeling about the possibility of it. She told herself:

This is a chance of a lifetime...soemthing just disappeared on me and I am in this pregnant place where anything can happen, and I can go anywhere I want. I kept oscillating between the great possibility and the terror and wanting to go back

Being in this bardo, what I would refer to as the dark night of the soul, is said by Buddhist teachers to be an experience where we are  torn between wanting to leap and wanting to go back to the familiar (nostalgia).

I am not sure where I am in this dark night. I definitely feel the groundlessness of it.  I feel unsettled.  Part of me wants to run back to what is familiar and the other part of me is excited (also terrified) about leaping into what Life will give me next. It is like I have one foot, or at least, the toes of one foot in the past and the toes of the other foot in the what-could-be...I keep shifting my weight from one foot to the other. 

Though I have an adventerous spirit, both my amygdala and this neurotic personality, which is always trying to prevent the samskaras stuffed within from resurfacing, doesn't like the instability and unpredictability of groundlessness and uncertainity. It wants to go back to what it knew. 

Spirit, however, is stronger and louder these days. so though I will still empty the weight from that foot pointing in the direction of the unknown and the "Great possibility "at times, I will more often lean back on it with all my weight. Hmm! Part of me is so excited about what awaits this human there, even though she is scared sh$#less at times and still finds herself wanting to go back...both physically and mentally to what she knew.  There is no going back mentally though.  I realize that. I cannot unlearn what I learnt.  Once we get this far in our awakening process, there is no going back....just forward.

All is well.

Content or Burdened?

 A humble spirit does not ask for more than it  needs, and what it needs the Universe provides. A humble spirit is content with the fulfillment of its authentic needs,and is not burdened with artificial needs. page 216

Gary Zukav

I am thinking about humility. I know at the core  I  am a humble spirit,...we all are. Self doesn't need pride, redemption, or anthing of that nature.

But ego does. 

Spirit is humble, ego isn't.  Ego still lingers around in most of us. I know it is still a part of this human experience. It is partly repsonsible for my  coming here, and for the publishing of the videos I create. It is constantly looking for a distraction away from reality.  Though it was never expected by anyone, I am sure...it found a bit of both distraction and redemption and it is running with it. Ego has thusly developed a need to check to see how many people read these entries everyday, according to the Stats page. It also checks how many views the videos I put up have and then there are the shorts.

Ego and the Shorts 

Ego likes those video shorts, I am discovering. I resisted doing them for fear I would be feeding Shamer ego by shoving them in people's faces and making a fool of myself. After much encouragment, however, I decided to try it. Was not sure, in the beginning, if it was ego or Soul hoping to gain by that decision. Now, I am discovering it is Redeemer Ego who is gaining. The shorts kind of redeem this me from its shame of obscurity...if only slightly. They offer a more immediate ego gratification and the nubers are generally larger, stroking ego more intently.  I watch the puffed up ego in action as I do what I do here.

The purpose for coming here was not supposed to be about the ego. From the very beginning, there was a deeper motivation guiding me to the page and then to the videos. I felt this compulsion to express and share what I was learning. It seemed like the "spiritual thing" to do. Ego did not seem to want anything to do with this, in the beginning.  It wanted me hiding under a rock somewhere protecting it and the body...protecting this image it told  me I  must maintain to ensure that I staid in the pack.  The content was too woo-woo, making it feel more vulnerable, and ptting us at risk for expulsion from the pack. 

This Human's Idea of Success

Still...it got something from this process when I went ahead anway. Shamer ego, once it realized it was not going to get tomatos thrown at it from a heckling crowd, had to step aside for Redeemer, who now kind of liked being "out there"thinking it could, maybe, get something from this mission.  It didn't like that I insisted on putting up the very imperfect stuff I created...but it liked it when the numbers climbed for whatever reason they climbed. (You have to understand that to me anything in the three digits is a big number...much more than expected. So my idea of Youtube success is much different than it would be for others lol. I always think of how many people can fit in a classroom or lecture hall. If seats are full and I don't have everyone getting up at once to go to the "lie-brary", never to return...that's success.) 

Ego started to want more and more views (even if there was no way to determine if they were authentic views). Though I never ask anyone to subscribe, it wanted  more subscribers, more likes. That is partly why I suddenly agreed with the external advice offered and I began to do the shorts.  And then someone mentioned..."You could actually start making money doing this, you know? If you spruced up your videos, got better equipment...combed your hair...maybe you could get something for this. "  

Ego jumped up in anticipation, "What?? We could get money for doing this silly stuff? We could actually get out of this hole by doing this. And we could be recognized in some way, offering us another coat of personality redemption to wear. Sweet!? I am in."

It was then that I realized I was losing my humility, straying away from purpose, beginning to want what I didn't need...again. I knew where this could take me. It certainly didn't take the sometimes negative consequences of instant fame and riches to get me to that realization (what I was getting was nowhere near rich and famous lol...just a few extra views.) but there it was.  

Anything wrong with wanting succes?

Don't get me wrong...there is nothing wrong with making money and gaining acclaim for what you do, especially if it comes from the heart. Accept such a gift if the Universe sends it your way. By all means. Embrace and enjoy it ....as long as... the desire to satisfy superificial needs doesn't become your purpose for doing what you do, and as long as you do not get too attached to the superficial outcomes. 

Not Ready for such Outcomes?

Noticing how excited Redeemer ego was getting over this very slim possibility showed me I was not ready for such outcomes.  Monetization and recognition are very superficial needs for this human, even if they would be greatly appreciated and beneficial fruits of action in this lifetime. (In other words it would be sweet!")  I know, though, they would feed this ego too much, making it stronger than I want it to be, possibly making it once again the driving force of this Life. It would be a problem for this human who had learned the hard way what Life could be like when Ego is in control. I had finally wisened up to Ego and had learned to see that if I let it, it would take me on one nasty Roller Coaster ride after the other. It would not take me to where I needed to be. 

I imagined Soul/Spirit/Self standing in the background watching this human and saying something to the effect,  "Stop asking for more than what is needed.  It's not about the numbers, the likes or monetizing.  It is simply a means for this human to express her authentic need to share what she is learning. It is not about burdening the Self with more superficial needs. It is about growing away from them. That ego needs to be put down!"

Put the ego down?

I find self chastising self whenever I see how I allowed ego to run off on its rampages of desire and aversion.  That isn't the answer either. There is a reason why ego is still around wanting what it wants...I have to have compassion for that. I don't have to listen and follow its directions...but I need to allow this ego to be an ego...a seeking , craving, resisting ego.  My role is not to "stop it" or "put it down!" My  role is to notice it, understand it, and do what Spirit wants me to do over what it wants me to do. 

To be honest, I am not sure if that is Self talking or another aspect of  ego...the spirital ego possibly... who wants to appear completly altruistic and evolved.  I don't know. I just know that Ego is still lingering around and though I do not have to resist in fear what it suggests I do...I do have to question it and seek clarification for my next move from a higher Self. 

I want to foster and nurture humility throughout this Life experience and trust that the Universe will give this human exactly what is needed for her growth. What about you? Are you seeking to fulfill your authentic or your superficial needs? 

All is well. 

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

The Practice of Handling Life

 The entire problem of your life is because all you think about is you. When you learn not to think about you, life becomes entirely different, absolutely unbelievably different. 

Michael Singer

Hmm! Here we are with this amazing consciousness, this amazing intellectual mind capable of almost anything and we are staring down at a bunch of garbage. We are narrowing these lenses which are capable of taking in absolutely everything at the greatest resolution and focusing only on the "me" part of it...what this amazing world has to do with "me" part...the impersonal mind part. On top of that we are seeing a very distorted and blurry version of that reality because we are viewing it through a dirty filter, a filter we spent our lives creating, We are looking down at the garbage instead of up at all we could be in this amazing school playground we get to play in, grow in, learn in. 

Personal mind gets in the way of the impersonal mind and the mind's focus then becomes all about, "How can I make this better for 'me'?"

 You are not okay because you decided I can't be okay because something might go wrong.

Obviosuly, the personal mind...the ego...the needy personality is the problem but it is not something we want to bully away.  We need to learn to:

Use the impersonal mind to raise the personal mind so you are not destroying youself

And then we ask this very important question:

Can I learn to handle reality?

How do we begin to test our ability to handle reality?

Firts of all, imagine what life would be like if you could handle anything that unfolded in front of you. If you weren't as neurotic as most of us are.  If we stop staring at the "little me" and its so called problems...our world would open up.

When you stop staring at you. you relaize you a really great being...full of love...full of joy...full of God 

Then imagine your life without preference dependency and expectation and the possibility that Life was not here to serve you...

What if everything doesn't have to be the way you want. 

Then begin the practice. As I tell my yoga students, Hatha practice is not about being able to slip into a pose or anything in our lives easily the first time we do it. 'Getting Life right',  isn't about being "great" at whatever we do and always doing it right.  Just the opposite.  It is about learning and growing one step at a time. It is about not doing great...about slipping and falling and making mistakes. It's about the willingness to learn from these slips, falls, and mistakes so we do better next time. Yoga is called a practice, Life is a practice...for a reason. We need to

 Start practicing the ability to be okay. 

We attempt something.  It doesn't work. Instead of beating ourelsves up, without shaming or judgement, we say, 

"I fell...I'm back on my feet...and I begin again."  We keep saying that until we are able to exclaim, "Oh wow! That was fun...so much learning in that slip....I will do better next time."

You got this! You can learn to handle everything in your life. Start by practicing from where you are at now.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( May, 2026) From Ego to Freedom: The Path to Liberation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Hj8x0YY1cg&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

 

The Best You Can

 Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.

Mayou Angelou

We are all just growing. We can only be where we are at and go from there. right? Just keep doing the best you can until you can do better.

All is well

Wisdom Gems

 Not knowing your path is your path right now.

Peter Crone

I was just praying and asking the forces out there to show me the way.  As I do the proverbial, "dying to be reborn" thing and as my paradigm shifts so dramatically ...I find what is left of this "me" feeling very stuck, very uncomfortable, very confused, and very dissatisfied with this life. Going from the conditioned way of beng where we are taught to believe, "It is all about me" to the realization there really is no "me" anywhere but in my mind structure... can really throw a person off.  This "me" was my protective layer of personality that helped me to make sense of the world ( in a very bizarre way mind you...but at least it was some sort of schemata I could sink my teeth into). I wore these layers, also, to hide the shamed, and broken me that hid within it.  When those protective layers were peeled away...the deeper "me" was exposed from its hiding place. Man, did she want to be heard lol. Now I am waiting for that part of "me" to be blown away in the wind, so that which is beneath it can shine forth, It is a confusing time being at this "me"s deathbed. I feel a mixture of emotions...mostly, I just want it to be over with.

Hmm! I don't know what I am supposed to do with all this dissatisfaction and sense of stuckness I feel as I wait for ego to take its last breath. So, I asked today to be shown the way...and the above words are what I heard. Go figure.

I also heard the following gems of wisdom.

Let go of every concept and every perception as a window of reality...let go of the idea that you will ever know reality conceptually...and embrace presence...Presence is bringing awareness to whatever is....awareness is infinite, no form.... The infinite is present in every finite experience. Once you realize that God is not difficult to find. God is impossible to avoid.... No experience is possible without the infinite in the background. 

Deppak Chopra

If you are not in love with yourself when you are alone, you are going to be hell to be with for others...Like yourself when you are by yourself.

Michael Beckwith

Nothing inside wants to hurt you.

Tim Ferris

Our suffering, challenge, and difficulty often become the things we are most grateful for.

Raiin Wilson

Suffering is the price of admission for the illusion of separation. 

Andre Duqum

We live in a world where we prioritize safety too much. 

Dr. Konojia

What is important is that you are safe , not that you feel safe.

Andre Duqum

Wisdom is not optional.

Jogn Vervaeke

Freedom is there.... Abundance is. It reveals itself in the absence of the idea of me as someone who doesn't deserve it....

The you that you are looking for is in the absence of the you you think you are....

Peter Crone

All is well!

Andre Duqum/ Know Thyself ( Nov 11, 2025) 18 Insights to Awaken Your Mind, Heal Your Heart, and Remember your Soul...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcpgfEISpDU&t=3430s

Happy Mother's Day

 Happy Mother's Day to all mothers everywhere. May you recognize on this day, the beauty, the joy and protective strength you bring into this world.

Wrestling Match to Claim the Belt of Life

 

Wrestling Match Within

I feel it in the core of me...

a tangled knot of moving limbs and angry flesh,

a wrestling match in the mind, 

leading to this flopping around 

on the decripate canvas floor 

of what remains of  this"me".

I feel the thumping and the vibration of sound 

reverberating from the invisible but noisy crowd,

echoing off the ropes that close off

this battle-to-the-death from the rest of the world,

as I stand in the corner, 

holding breath, biting  nails, 

waiting for some unseen ref , 

counting down from ten in the background, 

to blow the whistle, to break up this knot...

to declare one of those sweaty and bloody fighters 

the winner of this Life.  

Will it be Shamer Ego 

and its tag team partner Redeemer 

that will wear the belt?

Or will the Self , 

not moving a muscle in Its own defense,

except to subdue and restrain 

the frantic twins from over-exerting themselves

and  from extending their dramatic antics 

out into the crowd, 

possibly harming those who watch 

with baited breath for the bell to ring,

that will stand tall to be the victor?

© Dale-Lynn, May, 2026

This just came out of me...not sure why it did in the form of a wrestling match analogy.  I am not a fan but atlas...who am I to decide how these things come out lol?  I woke up with that very familiar knot in the center of my gut.  This knot has been so constant and persistent lately, crying for attention. And as I was observing it, knowing it represented something within my psyche that was falling apart....this just came out.  It is pretty cool how it works.  

Well what does it mean crazy lady? Are you planning on putting your sixty some year old carcass on the WWF circuit in a pair of spandex?  No, I can assure you I would have a hard time crawling through the ropes, let alone wrestling anyone. And in spandex?  That wouldn't be pretty to watch lol.

This knot is a physiological reaction to what is going on in this mind. I literally feel like the personality, I thought I was, is falling to pieces and that something deeper is trying to emerge to take the reins of this Life I erronously assumed for years was "mine".  It is not a pleasant experience to have this happening-physically or emotionally. My ego is resisting big time and is hell bent on keeping Self down.  This ego, of course, is two sided...on one side there is Shamer ego, and on the otherside there is Redeemer...neither stronger or better than the other...both just ego keeping me stuck in this identification as a "broken personality". That is why I see them as a tag team...constantly tapping each other out. 

Self is really not volunteering for this match.  It sees no competition or need to fight these two...but it will get tangled up in them as it seeks to prevent them from hurting the mission of this Self ...(whatever the heck that is...and I don't know)....or from hurting anyone else.  It is a nonviolent, non-competitive entity. It doesn't want the belt...it just wants peace, joy, the sat chit ananda experience for all. It knows these two ego identities (that many of us are caught up in)...the personality itself...is in the way of this that "I am" from experiencing it...so it protectively and gently tries to restrain ego's antics to a limited degree. 

The "I" observing and biting nails...is of course, "The Observer I" which is still clinging to some personality layers...

Right now, the battle is very uncomfortable for this "me" that still clings to personality to some degree...thus the constant knot in the belly, the emotional anx, this sense of a battling knot in my core...but I also know the bell is going to ring very soon.  A winner will be declared. 

Who do you think it will be...Self or Shamer/Redeemer Ego that will earn the title to this Life I mistakenly call "mine"? ? 

All is well.

The Wiser Self: Mediator Between Redemption and Shame

 

The first proof of a well ordered mind is to be able to pause and linger within itself.

Seneca

Yesterday, I did a Redeemer Ego thing to build another shell around this fragile and cracking psyche that is exposing what is beneath it. I took a couple of the videos I recently made related to very important questions I answered or attempted to answer (albeit, not perfectly), and upon someone's suggestion turned them into shorts. "You will get more hits if they weren't so long!" 

Motivated By Lower or Higher Self?

I told myself that following this advice would be the Higher Self thing.  It could potentially help me to reach more people and it would also allow me to expose (embarass) myself more in a vulnerable way which would help to remove some more of these "me" layers. Sure, there was an element of truth to that motivation. 

It was  sincere....but...I also, I discovered,  did it for the opposite of reasons.  I did it to build another protective layer of ego identity around this self that was being so exposed.  This self felt "yucky!" in this in between state of ego/no-ego. "Me", full of the shame experience, was teetering  towards the ego side, worrying she wasn't getting to where she was supposed to be in the worldly sense. She wasn't reaping the external benefits for her efforts and work. She was floundering and stuck without a worldly purpose or identity...not enjoying Life but waiting for Life to satisfy her again. 

Redeemer Ego stepped up to save the day,"Maybe, what you do here is worthy of an ego reward?  Maybe, if you get us seen and known in this way it will take us out of this physical stuckness you feel. More hits could lead to another identity. It could give you purpose, Or at least a lift. We could definitely use some type of distracting lift. Where we are now...because of your airy fairy desire to awaken...really sucks. I hate it here. Everything is so "blah". We are  fading away to nothingness.  Get us out in anyway you can!"

So, I remixed a few shorts and uploaded them.  Then I went back a couple of times to watch the numbers. They were much greater than the numbers I get on my regular videos. There was a bit ...a tiny little bit... of an adrenaline rush before I crashed back into reality. 

I could hear the wiser part of this human, "This is not going to change anything.  I need to release what is within me first...what is actually leading to this need for an ego lift or another layer of identity protection. Otherwise, I will just end up with another shell I have to remove!" 

Then, I found myself falling back into Shamer Ego's reprimanding nature. "Who do you think you are...putting us up there with all that 'airy fairy' nonsense? As if anyone is going to actually listen to what you have to say? The numbers mean nothing. People  may click because you just shoved us in their faces but the message won't register. Imagine what people you know will think of us for doing this. How embarassing is your arrogance! You are stuck in lack and mediocrity...get used to it! That is all you deserve. Come on!"

One extreme lead by arrogance, another extreme led by toxic shame with a wise voice in between. Hmm! 

In the Core of Many

That is what goes on in the core of many humans, not just me. That is why I share this embarrassing internal dialogue. We often do not notice it going on because we have so many protective layers, insulating the conscious mind from hearing its noisy banter.  When we  (or Life) begin to remove those outer layers, those surface identities, to crack open the psyche to see what is at its center, ...this is the noise that comes to our conscious awareness.  There is this battle between two nasty ego twins : Redeemer and Shamer, going on...between  a sense of false protective pride and the deep toxic shame that has been hiding within many of us for decades.  It may be shocking to realize this has been going on within us all our lives, greatly determining the types of experiences we are having.To see that these two may have been ruling our lives from the moment the personality was constructed, somewhere around seven years of age....and if we were good at building more protective shells, as many of us are...we would not have even noticed.  Until...that is...we begin to remove those shells for the purpose of getting to the Higher Self, to Who we really are.

Now, through this one insignificant experience, that this one out of 8.5 billion humans from one specy out of an infinite number of species, on this one tiny planet, in one tiny solar system, in one tiny galaxy out of a possible 3 trillion galaxies....  had with something as trivial as putting up a few shorts on Youtube....we can see there is also a wiser Self speaking, a wiser Self somehow caught between the banter of two personality layers...Redeemer on the outside, Shamer closer to the core.  

So, what does this wiser Self think of this human's action of putting up videos and the battle between the two egos that transpired becasue of it? "Sound and fury signifying nothing". The Self couldn't care less. Sees it all as silly nonsense and  human drama leading to unnecessary human suffering.

This wiser Self just observes the battle going on from a detached position and sees the silliness of it. It doesn't need or seek another layer of ego proetction to have to crack open, be it arrogant or toxically self punitive. It doesn't get caught up in a craving for more, nor does it see the benefit of 'giving up' and settling for less than what could be. It doesn't get inflated or deflated. It just is. It definitely doesn't take sides, neither Redeemer's or Shamer's. It sees them both as foolish and unnecessary parts of this human it is encapsulated by. So, it is tolerant of them but not swayed by either. 

Wise Self may say, infact, "Now, now guys. This is not going to get us anywhere. Redeemer, we do not need to be "built up" by anything the world may provide.  We can certainly enjoy it and participate in it but you do not need to get any bigger than you already are. Shamer, you are really hard on this human. And though, you can not seem to stop yourself, I am going to teach this human, not to ignore you and pretend you are not there...(she has put far too much time and energy into doing that already)...but I am going to teach her to listen to what I have to say over what either of you have to say. Once she is focused on my wisdom...then your voices will just naturally fade away. Sigh...now take some time a part and let me go about doing my job."  

We need to find the wise Self hidden in the layers of ego and let that Self do the talking and the guiding.

All is well

Is Life Meant to Be Difficult?

 

All life is suffering because I make it that way.

Michael A. Singer

I attempted to answer a question recently on a Youtube channel I attempt to answer questions on (albeit ver iperfectly). Is life meant to be difficult? 

I am thinking, on reflection, that I answered it in almost the same way Singer did.

Your real growth happens when what is happening inside or outsde of you is not tolerable

You are only having trouble with the things you are personally experiencing.

We need to ask: Why it is disturbing?

Pain is your friend.

Liking and not liking are psychological states. Experiencing is a reality state. 

Preference comes first, the desire to make it happen comes second.

To end suffering, end preference.

It is not a matter of renouncing a preference, it is a matter of getting to the root of that preference and understanding why you are preferring this or that...

Have to be willing to let go of those impressions (samskaras)

Surrender the part of you that would have resisted.

All is well.

Michael A. Singer (a 202) Stop Struggling to Fix the Outside: Clear the Inside.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGk6LikxUEc&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1&t=1473s

Open Heart? Open _ind?

 

The nat_ral state of _ _or heart is open and f_ll ...of _o_ and love and wants to express it. 

_ichael Singer

Too often, however, o_r hearts get closed b_ life circ_ _stance. We spend o_r lives, then,  _sing the _ind to _ake the heart feel better. _ind is alwa_s tr_ing to appease the h_rting heart.

The root of the _ind is in the heart....b_t that is not where we live.  We live lost in the _ind.

With a dedicated practice of learning to let go...

_o_ will reach the point where the heart is as clear as the_ ind.

All is well

_ichael A. Singer ( _a_, 202_) The Dance Between Heart and _ind. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPF2E554EQo&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Extraordinar_ Pro_ect?

 When _o_ are inspired b_ so_e great p_rpose, so_e extraordinar_ pro_ect, all _o_r tho_ghts break their bonds. _o_r  _ind transcends li_itations, _o_r conscio_sness expands in ever_ direction, and _o_ find _o_rself in a new, great and wonderf_l world. Dor_ant forces, fac_lities, and talents beco_e alive, and _o_ discover _o_rself to be a greater person b_ far than_o_ ever drea_ed _o_rself to be.

Patan_ali

Keys are not working consistently again...another strike as I continue to strike. Hmm! Speaking of consistency, I see that this blog is being read by one or two consistent readers. Thank you for going through the work of getting to this site.  I know it isn't easy. Some of the readers I used to have tell me they no longer have easy access to it...that even though they subscribed at one time, they no longer have the entries coming up on their email etc. When the_ do a Google search, the_ cannot find it. It is i_possible to co_ _ent or s_bscribe when the_ do _anage to get in. I know that to be tr_e beca_se it still says I have 0 followers even tho_gh there were ti_es I know I had _an_.   I am being cut off and isolated for some reason from general readership. Even though, I can measure, according to the stats page over 2000 so called _sers a da_...and Google anal_tics tells _e I have _an_ (_ _ch less than the blog stats b_t still _ore than I likel_ have.) Wh_? What does it all _ean? 

There is probabl_ a ver_ legiti_ate technical reason for this enforced obsc_rit_. I do not tend to explore it from that angle though because I feel it is my fate. Hmm!  Ato_aticall_ this _ind goes to , "Oh, as it is for other things in _ _or specific lifeti_e, this is _ _st part of _ o_r  kar_a. Ever_thing _o_ set o_t to do on Earth is going to _eet obstacles. It is _ _a_t to be diffic_lt for _o_ , for whatever reason. _o_ are _eant to s_ffer or at least not _eet the rewards of ease and validation other h_ _ans have access to. _o_ are not _ _eant to be affir_ed of _ _or p_rpose. Nor will _o_ be shown if  _o_ are _ _st wasting _o_r  ti_e.  _o_  will likel_ never know if this writing and sharing what _o_ are learning is val_able to an_one beca_se  _o_ will not be shown thro_gh earthl_  wa_s like recognition and reward. What _eager gifts _o_ have to share will likel_ re_ain _nseen _ntil after _o_ die and even then the_  _a_  go _nrecognized. 

Are _o_ oka_ with that? Will _o_ keep doing this, knowing that?

The answer is _es...again and again and again...the answer is _es. 

Sigh! All is well.

Life is Difficult! Suffering Exists!

 

There is only one solution [to adversity]. That is a shift to a new consciousness. 

Eckhart Tolle

This being human thing is tough. There is no doubt about it.  It can be beautiful, exciting, fun, growth enhancing, and a perfect platform for learning a myriad of things...but man is it difficult!

I am at the point now where I no longer feel the need to paint over reality with a rose coloured acrylic.  I no longer want  to sugar coat my perception and speech about Life  with a bunch of forced and insincere positivities. The reality is...it can be difficult.

Of course, I have done enough work, scientific observation, and inner reflection to discover what makes it so difficult ( the mind and its judgements, its preferring, its attachment to 'outer world' phenomena; our resistance of reality; our samskaras and inablity to confront them so they are released etc, all equating to the level and focus of consciousness) but the fact remains.  Being human is freaking tough! 

Adversity comes in two forms: the personal kind (also within your family) ...and the collective kind.

I have grown enough to know it isn't 'all about me' but this insignificant one out of 8.5 billion other experiencers would have to leave a yelp review that said , "Forking difficuly! A bit too challenging at times."

I see adversity in my own puny little experience, the experience of loved ones, and it extends all around me to the world at large. It seems that humanity, in general, is suffering. I am so, so aware, for some reason, of that suffering. I feel like I am choking on it sometimes. It can be all consuming. Observing the suffering world breaks my heart and adds to my personal sense of difficulty. It affirms that Scott Peck was absolutely right, "Life is difficult!" I get to the point sometimes where I find myself saying, "I have had enough with this Earth school. I quit. Beam me up Scotty." 

Am I being morbid? Am I being overly dramatic and negative? 

I don't think so.  I think I am being very realistic. Being that the first and most crucial step in recovery is to recognize what the problem is...I think it is so very important that we begin our healing with the reality, as Peck had done in "The Road Less Travel" and what the Buddha had done in the Four Noble Truths..."Life is Difficult! Suffering Exists! " 

I remember struggling in high school math. It was so difficult for this very right dominant brain of mine to figure out the problems. I, having a friend group that excelled in math and wanting so much to be like them, hid the fact that I didn't understand and pretended, to some degree, that "Math was easy" for me. Denying the problem only made the suffering greater.  It wasn't until I admitted to myself and others that I was finding it so difficult that I got the help I needed.  I discovered I had to get to the root of each problem and with guidance and support work my way to a passing grade.

In this Earth school, I think we need to stop falsely claiming "Life is easy for me!" in hope that it will prove true with our affirming. We need to admit out loud that "Being human is very hard" at times. We need to trace back to the roots of our suffering (the personal mind) and begin working on the so called problems from there. 

Once we do that we will be able to say. "Life is forking difficult! There is so much suffering in me and around me. Suffering exists...but it is okay.  I am going to spend my time here as a human seeking the root cause of the suffering and I am going to do my best to learn to heal and grow away from suffering into peace.  I don't know how far I will get on this healing from suffering journey. Not sure if Life will ever be perceived as "easy" to this human...but I am going to watch, observe, explore, examine, learn, and grow from the process. I am going to direct mind away from denying suffering exists, to embracing the fact that it does. I am going to shift to a new conscousness.

What abo_t  _o_?

_ _st lost  _ _  ke_s again :(

Eckhart Tolle (April, 2018) Wh_ th_ World Feels O_t of Control Right Now.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hTJYfqGm1s

Liberation From the World of Problems

 Most people overlook who and what they are beyond the body, beyond the thinking mind, beyond the flux of emotion...underneath all that there is a presence...beyond the surface there is...your essence identity...this is precisely what liberates you from the world of problems.

Eckhart Tolle

Imagine not being stuck living through our nonstop thinking and our ever changing emotions.  Imagine being liberated from 'the world of problems'. Imagine just simply being in life , observing, experiencing, appreciating it all without narrative attached....without fear...without grasping and clinging...without aversion...without this constant need to build up personalities and images. Imagine just being able to observe, appreciate and honor it all without judgement or wanting more. This simple way of being and experiencing Life is what I am longing for.

I want to get beyond the personality: the 'person' I believe myself to be, to the Essence of Who I really Am. 

I want to wake up from this nightmare, into what is real and true. What about you?

Your function is to stay conscious...

Every human is an expression of the one universal consciousness...you are a ray of the universal consciousness. You are consciousness...

The person is a garment that consciousness puts on for a little while, then the garment dissolves... 

I want the suffering to end and I think it will end for all of us when we see beyond the person to who we really are. When we wake up from the bad dream we are having as a 'person' with a busy thinking mind and a mixture of fluctuating emotions...and start experiencing Life as this ego-less, personality-free, authentic essence we are.

I teach suffering and the end of suffering

The Buddha

Eckhart Tolle ( April, 2026) What Most Humans Spend an Entire Lifetime Never Discovering. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_eCvsFcvpI&t=343s

Eckhart Tolle (April, 2026) Give Me 25 Minutes and the Suffering You Carry Will Begin to Make Sense. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZlemm7CQ5A&t=50s

Choosing Confidence over Arrogance

 

Confidence is graceful, silent and gentle. It speaks for itself. Arrogance lacks elegance, it's loud and bositerous. It needs advertising.

The Positive Psychology People

Still thinking of arrogance and want to clarify that for most of us the manifestation of arrogance in our actions, words, and thoughts actually comes from a deeper sense of inadequacy and shame. I see that in this human and am assuming that it occurs in other humans as well. Most so-called arrogant people, then, could actually be very shame-based people with little awareness of and confidence in their True Self...that which exists beyond the protective personalities built and worn.

  Most of us are so identified with our personalities, failing to see that they are just protective masks and costumes we built and struggle to maintain so we can fit into the social pack, we have no clue as to Who We really Are beneath these superficial layers shown to the world. These layers of personality can protect us from the painful messaging we stuffed and stored in those earlier years...what others told us we were that led to an inner layer of personality that is shame based. Personality layers built and maintained by a Redeemer ego (an ego that is going to work hard and do what it can to create an image  of okayness or even "better than you-ness" to hide this shamed personality from self and others) are on the outside, and shown to the world. They attempt to hide and/or deflect from this deep sense of inadequacy. Well, that is the way it is for this human anyway. I can see it is the way for others I know, as well.

Yes, there are people out there who are so deeply entrenched in their arrogant personalities, which are many layers thick tracing back to the core beleiefs they have of themselves as entitled and superior. These people are delusional. They have been conditioned to believe they are grander, better, and more deserving than others. The belief is fixed. If there was shame, it is so deeply supressed it would be next to impossible to retreive.

But...

for the most part arrogance is all about personality protection...I believe anyway.  It often flares up when our shame samskaras get triggered. We subconsciously seek the extreme contrast in personality...going from shame up through self dignity, through pride, to arrogance in an automatic reflex. What would happen then if there was no personality to protect? 

Then, there are those who are truly confident that we may assume are arrogant.  They do not seem to care that we are thinking they are too arrogant. Infact, they do not seem to care what others think of them at all.  They are stepping out and expressing themselves in an honest and authentic way. They are not "people pleasers" though they still seem to love people. They still give but not from a need to fit in and belong mentality. They do not  hide their vulnerabilities because they do not fear the consequences of exposure.  A confident person can express vulnerability freely. They are not intent on hiding it. They do not fear what will happen if they expose these broken shells. There is nothing to hide or protect. They know that Who they Are is omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent. These confident people are not riding the roller coast between shame and arrogance. They are steady and peaceful.

Wouldn't you much rather be that way than all tripped up in the wires of arrogance or pulled down into the trenches of shame? How do we get there?

We begin by recognizing our arrogance.  From there we recognize the cause of the arrogance. We see the triggering of that which we are running from inside.  We look deeply in, to see the shame at the root of our personality development. See how it is leading to the extreme opposite personality quest, resulting in arrogance. We clearly see the constant battle going on between two egos: Shamer and Redeemer. Instead of choosing Redeemer over Shamer...we see ego or personality itself as the problem.  We seek to get beyond it. It is not shame or arrogance that is the problem. It is our identification with personality. 

Imagine living without the need to constantly redeem ourselves from shame. Imagine knowing that shame and this need for redemption that often comes in the form of arrogance is not who we are. Imagine not having that pressure to build up these personality layers, to hide, to pretend, to work hard to please. Imagine just being and feeling peaceful in that being.

When we recognize that we are not our personality, be it shameful or arrogant...we can be free to be Who We really Are...the Self. That is where true confidence comes from.

Hmm! Something to think about.

All is well

Arrogant?

 And if this should be arrogance, so let me

arrogant be to justify my prayer

that stands so serious and so alone

before your forehead, circled by the clouds.

Rainer Maria Rilke

I have been thinking of a couple of things I wanted to write about. First of all, I can't get over the fact that my keys are working so brilliantly again lol...I am grateful for the 'y', the 'u', the 'j', the 'm' that have come back to work after going on strike because of unfair work conditions. ( Being constantly bopped on the head by a manic finger ...does not lead to the ideal work place. :) Do not know what made them come back. I am just grateful they did. When I cannot express myself through writing, it feels like someone has cut a part of this human away.  Is that ego or Self, I wonder. Probably a bit of both.

Anyway, I wanted to write about arrogance; and I wanted to write about this wish to experience the perfectly pure, simple and real life without ego. 

I think I will start with the topic of arrogance.

Arrogance?

Arrogance according to the AI overview, is an offensive, over bearing display of superioity or self-importance, characterized by excessive pride and a disdainful attitude towards others. 

Hmm! Has this human, who is definitely shame-based, ever experienced arrogance? 

Oh yes! Way too many times. 

Lately, as I peel away layers and fall back into Who I really Am...I have these flashbacks of times when this psyche was so full of arrogance. Knowing how shame-based this personality is, it astounds me to see that it was indeed very, very arrogant many times. There were times when I was full of false-pride, offensively displaying a sense of self-importance, and even superiority towards others. There were times when this human thought it was better than and looked down at others. Can you imagine? 

When I remember those times I fall forward cringing in shame.  Yes, Shamer Ego jumps in to pull me away, very quickly, from any thing Redeemer Ego fills me up with. Arrognce is Redeemer Ego's doing. Though I have felt this false pride often, I was never able to stay up in it very long because of the Shame that was more dominant. I am almost grateful for Shamer for that reason...for putting me in my place...even though it was pretty extreme in its methods. 

I useed to cringe and wallow in that shame everytime I fell from Redeemer's unsteady shoulders. I would, with Shamer's help, punish myself for what I did or felt while up there on those shoulders. "How could you ever think, you deserved to be up there? You! Who are you to think you are important , let alone more important than someone else? Come on!" 

I would go from feeling very up to feeling very down. Both experiences-the pride and the shame- I realize now, are not worthy of this greater Self ( that we all have within us) ...yet at the time of experiencing the false-pride and experiencing the deep shame , I was so lost in the experience I couldn't see that. I was lost in this identification with layers of a personality, with  ego's convictions...not seeing Who I really was beneath these competeing layers.

Now, I want to explore this idea of arrogance a little more. Where does it truly come from?

As I look back, still with a great deal of shame, at moments my head got bigger than my heart, I see that arrogance came when I, very suprisingly to me more than anyone else,...acheived something "out there" or did something  noteworthy: when I earned professional roles, when I did very well at school, when I earned titles, when I became a Toastmaster and people told me I could speak, when people recognized my writing, or teaching. It came, when from the depths of shame where this personality would normally reside, 'me' was pulled up into some type of light.  I think for me, it was the extreme distance and contrast  the ego personality was pulled that led to that sense of superiority.  It was like wow...maybe not everyone will notice how much I really suck now.  It was about creating and maintaining appearances more so than being.  "They are telling me how much better I am than them...how I have something "special"" ...I clung to that acknowledgement because it offered such a better feeling than the shame. I got lost in it. I knew as I was experiencing these semi-highs of arrogance that it was just a facade; that it wouldn't last; that I would be discovered as an imposter soon enough....so I clung harder to these layers of ego personality. Hmm! That was my experience of arrogance. I have to assume it is the same for others? 

So, arrogance then ...at least as it was for this "me"...is often a result of a deep desire to be redeemed and lifted from the pit of shame we humans can find ourselves in, to be pulled from the trance of unworthiness and inadeqaucy. If we get pulled up quickly and to a very distinct height contrast from where we once were...then it is easy to get lost there...to see not so much that we are better than anyone else, necessarily, but we are better than the shameful 'me' we left behind. We, then, may begin to cross reference that 'me' with other 'me's we assume are still down there. Thus that mentality of "I am up here and you are still down there." 

What we assume as arrogance, can also be "authentic confidence" appearing as arrogance.  If we have done the work of peeling off the layers of neurotic ego; if we have come to see who we really are and have given up our dependency on the need for the good opinion of others; if we are willing to just be ourselves without shame...than sometimes that gets misconstued as arrogance by others.  Wouldn't that be a wonderful way to approach Life though? 

Arrogance can also be the sign of a personality in stuck mode.  It can be a result of a false belief where the person actually is convinced that they are better than others. 

Hmm!

When personality's are acting out in arrogance what is really going on?  

I think we need to ask the question when we see arrogance in ourselves or others: Which of the three possibilities, is this apparent arrogance coming from? Is it some type of mental disorder where the person actually truly believes they are better than others (delusions of grandeur); is it an honest and authentic form of confidence others are perceiving as arrogance; or is it just a Redeemer Ego temporarily pulling the personality up from the pit of shame, leading to a clinging to this new height so we stay far away from that shame based "me" as we can?

 I am sure we can think of a few personalities on the world stage who seem to deserve the "arrogant" label, and rightfully so.  They are suffering from Delusions of Grandeur. We also see people who are being mistakenly called "arrogant" because they are genuinely confident and  know who they are. And then, there are so many like this human, who prefer the momentary and very fleeting feeling of redemption, even if arrogance is the side effect, to the yuckiness of shame.  

I would very much like to peel and heal enough to be genuinely confident...not concerned one iota if others perceive this 'me' as arrogant...because I would know I am not arrogant...just evolved enough to know who I am at the deeper level and operating from there. That would be cool. 

All is well in my world.

Just Notice and Be Willing to Let Go

 Psychology says man is the sum of his learned experiences; science says reality is the sum of all the causes that made it be that way.

Michael Singer

I would love to sit down and talk with Michael Singer sometime. That would be so cool. (Hmm! Just notice that all my letters are working lol.) We seem to be so like minded...for whatever reason. In my mind only...maybe but I believe we would have a great conversation. I figure I would learn and grow so much from it. He might even get something from talking with me? Who knows? 

It would be cool!

Anyway, I might be "projecting what I want" onto him. 

Everybody is different than you...that which is watching your mind and you heart  is transcendent of both...[but...everyone at the surface level, by which we tend to operate, is different than you.]

We both agree, I believe, that living is simply about "noticing."

Notice who is noticing!

Don't struggle with your ind. don't struggle with your heart. Just notice

Can I, in here who notices the state of the mind and the state of the heart in a given point of time.....create a little space. ...You are the experiencer not the experience. 

You still deal with it...You [just]don't deal with it as a way of making it go away. 

If you can handle it, there is nothhing to deal with.

He goes on to discuss the "I don't care" we use. I don't care can mean we really care but because it is painful to care we repress and suppress it. 

Or it can mean...that we truly don't care because we let it, what life offered, go. We let reality in, we dealt with it, and we let it go. 

Spirituality is about letting go of the impressions that were made in there, that don't have to be there.

Life is going to give us so many blessings and so many challenges; it is going to take away challenges and it is going to take away potential blessings. When we are purified inside, free of most of those impressions (samskaras) that lead to this constant prickly reactivity we humans are known for, we will find clarity and respond to Life's challenges in a healthier way; we will remove blockages in the way of our joy; and we will experience the true peace that comes from the acceptance of reality as it is. Life is going to clean us out if we let it and are willing to go through the discomfort of letting go of that which needs to be released. We benefit by letting it and accepting reality as it is. Not only do we need to allow Life, then, to do what it does, we need to appreciate it and honor it. 

If it comes say thank you, if it goes say thankyou for it is all for your growth.

All is well!

This return of my letters is a bit of a miracle, lol. Don't know how it happened...just know that I am very grateful!

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( April, 2026) Handling Reality: The True Path to Inner Peace. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9ojDGIjxxU&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

The "Handling Disappoint_ent" Wordle Riddle

 Instead of cr_ing, "Wh_  _e?" or "Wh_ not _e?", tr_ observing the h_ _an experience of disappoint_ent like a q_estioning, c_rio_s scientist, discovering so_ething new and exciting. Feel the feelings, notice the tho_ghts, b_t ref_se to swi_ in the_. Instead, observe the_ from a distance and en_o_  the role of c_rio_s Observer.

This h_ _an I call "Me".

Writing with letters missing is challenging. Reading what so_eone has written with letters missing is likely even more challenging. Think of it as a long wordle riddle. I apologize b_t I need to write. lol

How do _o_ handle disappointment when it _nfolds in front of _o_? Have _o_  observed and noticed what happens to  _o_  phsicall_,  _entally and e_otionally when things do not go _ _or wa_ and how that response or reaction affects what _o_ experience in the f_t_re?

I have been watching the h_ _an condition of disappoint_ent in self  latel_. I _easre how disappointed I feel in sit_ations as a deter_inant of  _ _ progress.  What I a_ noticing is quite astounding. I find myself approaching disappoint_ent with a great deal of scientific c_riosit_. It is prett_ cool. I find _ _self  to be a q_estioning, c_rio_s observer rather than a victi_ to what I lost or to the circu_stances that didn't work o_t the wa_ I planned. I am more interested in the "Oh, so this is what it feels like to experience this," now, than I a_ the, "Oh no! Wh_ does this alwas happen? Wh_ don't things ever work_ ot for _e."  (Which I did observe happening in this mind for the briefest of _o_ents). As a c_rio_s observer...I a_ less weighed down b_ disappoint_ent. I notice, for s_re, the feelings and tho_ghts that nor_all_  co_e when so_ething we were hoping for doesn't _aterialize or work o_t...b_t I no longer swi_ in it...I therefore don't drown in it. I let it go so I can observe it fro_ a distance. It is like I a_ on the shore watching the experience of disappoint_ent float past this h_ _an I call _e. It is reall_ a different and al_ost exciting perspective. 

So, this co_p_ter that I a_ so_ewhat dependent on to _eet the creativit_ needs of this h_ _an...is obviosl_ not working the wa_ it co_ld work, _aking the _eeting of these needs extre_el challenging. I a_ not wallowing in the disappoint_ent. S_re, I felt and feel so_ewhat fr_strated. S_re, there were tho_ghts of, "Wh_ _ e? Wh_ is this  happening to me?" which led to _ore generalized tho_ghts of, "Wh_ is it alwa_s so challenging for this h_ _an?" _et, I find _ _self standing on the shore watching these feelings and tho_ghts float b_. I a_ not down there swiming in the_. On top of that, I feel like a scientist in a lab who _ust observed so_ething reall_cool thro_gh the _icroscope. "Wow! This is how it feels not to be lost in that crap!" 

I didn't get the little _ob that popped _p offering a certain hope. There was certainl_ a  _o_entar_ reaction of disappoint_ent. I did not want to s_ppress it.  I allowed self to feel it, b_t then I _ _ _ped back _p onto the river bank and I watched it fro_ that viewpoint. And it was like, "Cool! This is what it feels like not to be so attached to o_tco_e." 

This _orning, I still feel a little _p. I know in _ _  heart that it is all good. That it wasn't s_ppose to be an_ other wa_ than the wa_ it tr_ned o_t.  How do I know that? Beca_se this is the wa_ it trned o_t. I get excited thinking abo_t that, wondering what Life has in store for this h_man other than this that did not transpire. I a_  c_rio_s again. So, cool.

Anwa_, tho_ght I wo_ld share.

All is well.