Repeated Lessons

 Lessons in Life will be repeated until they are learned.

Frank Sonneburg

I deleted a big long spiel I wrote this morning about the rough day this human I call "me" experienced yesterday. We had to go to court as witnesses to the assault on our family in October 23...brought back lots of memories for all.  It was not pleasant. And I also had a dental visit that left me frustrated and fearing the finacial implication.  An infection that brought me to the dentist in April is still active despite all I had done...We realize now the surgery didn't address the original problem. So, this infection I "shouldn't have in my mouth for more than a couple of weeks"...has been festering for three months. My jaw is getting increasingly sore ...anyway...looks like I have to wait another two months and it will cost me more than the dental surgery did.  It will be out of pocket, as well, because I reached my max in insurance. That will hurt me financially more than I dare to even imagine. I can tolerate the discomfort in my mouth but I am concerned about the jaw and facial discomfort.  I am also concerned about the possibility of an IE because of my valve issue. Sigh! What am I to do? 

Suck it up buttercup.

Anyway...I did write a big story because I woke up at five with those types of thoughts on my mind. Mind was saying, "Listen to me...See how unlucky you are. You are meant to be challenged to get the appropriate and timely help for body issues.  You are meant to be challenged when it comes to money. You are meant to be challenged when it comes to keeping your family well and safe."

 I can't help but think I am riding some type of karmic waves.  One for health seeking; one for money; one for having to witness the suffering of loved ones. Repeated over and over again. Anyway, it is what it is.  Part of me ...for the most part...is just watching this "human I call 'me'" go through these experiences and this part is curious and finding it all interesting, "I wonder what will happen next?"

 Then there is another part of me that keeps getting sucked into the drama to the point that it is all it sees, to the point it  becomes the character with the sore face and dental problem it is having a hard time solving, it becomes the character dealing with a PTSD trigger in my family, it becomes the character that is broke and worried about having the money to pay for the most basic things let alone another dental procedure. Crap!  

As soon as I catch myself here...I pull away from what I have been staring at.  I remove the costume and I remind myself it all just an act I am playing. I remind myself that though the body is very important in this experience and it is my job to look after it...I am not the body. I am the being watching the human experience these body issues.  I am the being experiencing this human worry about money.  I am the being observing myself and family rsit in court and relive that scary night. Then I hear myself..."Oh these types of situations keep repeating for a reason.  I do not have to understand it. I just have to observe and experience it. I am kind of curious about what I will learn from this."

All is well.