Confronting Fears

 

Confronting your fears can reveal your strengths and expand your possibilities.

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Oh, the drama the mind creates.  What I allowed this mind to drag this consciousness through in the last 48 was absolute cra-cra. ...but this internal desire to get beyond such mental disturbance prevailed. I did it! I faced a fear and I went into ER for something that was nothing more than a tiny little abcess in the physical sense, it seems. (Another little abcess was found in the front of the gum this time explaining why it was uncomfortable to smile.) and this action was so much more in the psychological sense. I need to keep facing and dealing with these silly, irrational  fears.  I also need to be kind and compassionate towards this human for having such fears.

Anyway, though the wait was long, I had the positive experience of having a kind, and friendly triage nurse.  Then, I had the fortunate experience of getting one of the best ER doctors I ever met (remembered him from the time my stepson was in with an IE...pretty much saved his life!). I told him everything ( without wanting to mention the people or clinic involved) and he went out and called someone about my situation who agreed to see me the next day and whom, I was told could, do the procedure in the future.  I just felt the load fall off my shoulders. Was treated with antibiotics, had the little abcess drained today, (only think that was responsible for the pinching feeling I was getting when I smiled and not the jaw and palate pain), and got a prescription for antibiotics.  I also was given the reassurance that I  could wait on the root canal. I needed that second opinion. I didn't specifically ask for him to take over...but I am on a "cancellation" list in hope that he will. 

The problem I know is not completely resolved...sigh! This abcess I had drained is not the original abcess (which was tiny too) behind the infected tooth. It is another abcess telling me that there is still an ongoing, underlying infection that is indeed wanting to spread.  I am wondering if  this abcess was there because of infection in the other molar...not the one I am scheduled to have a root canal for? The infection is in the pulp of the first tooth. Is it now in the pulp of the second?  My palate is still inflammed and I imagine because I cannot see...red.  I feel more than one bump back there...small as they maybe.  I am, not nor was I ever, all that concerned about the pain of an abcess or this inflammation...just what they meant...an active infection. I don't want to have this sub acute infection in my mouth for much longer. Though the risks for anyone getting an IE is small from a dental infection, it is still there.  And though a mitral valve prolapse is no big, concerning thing...recent studies in the NJM show that the risk for IE from dental infections  is 7 times higher than it is for the average population.  They are even debating reinstating the health promotion policy of  pre procedure antibiotic therapy for people with MVP. My scientifically centered mind simply tells me that I should not entertain such an infection for long..."don't worry or fret about the low risk, simply do what you can to prevent it." 

As far as my jaw and face pain...this little abcess that was drained would not have caused the amount of jaw limitation I have.  That is something else.  I think that might actually be a TMJ from the clenching I do.  Now, that the little baby tooth is gone...when I clench down my jaws are out of alignment. That could be screwing up the jaw??? 

Anyway, I have no idea what so ever.  I am so grateful for the  doctor and nurses in ER for their kind, respectful treatment. Even more grateful for the great dentist who took time out of his busy schedule to see me today. Grateful for antibiotics. Grateful for this learning that is taking me into a healing that extends way beyond the body's issues. Grateful for the universe and for Life playing out exactly as it is meant to.

Forgive me for boring you silly with all these very boring details about this human's (one of 8.5 billion humans) petty little mouth issues lol. I am going to say "It's my birthday and I can ramble if I want to..."  Now, for a birthday gift to myself...I am going to meditate then nap...maybe I will do a yoga nidra...as I have not slept very well in the last 48.

All is well