Parental Guilt

Guilt is to the spirit what pain is to the body.
David Bednar

Raining again the way it should be in April...warm, cleansing and somehow soothing.  I am finding some comfort in the rain.  (My appreciation of the rain  might have a little to do with the fact that rain means I can't do yard work outside...which is timely being that I can't bend down  at the present moment lol...eases some of the guilt.) 

Parental Guilt

My guilt, I am realizing comes from my challenges caring for others.  I realized that the other day.  I am not grocery shopping the way I would like to...cleaning or cooking for them.  I am not looking after the pets the way I would like to...my poor old dog needs her nails clipped but in her crankiness she will bite if you touch her paws so they are getting really, really long .  Every time I look down at her feet...I feel guilty. 

I am not disciplining or guiding the way I want to as a parent...letting homework go or my daughter to stay home when I know she is tired not sick. I do not motivate and inspire with pep and energy like I used to in hard times.  How can I get my girl to be more physically active when I can barely get off the couch some days?  There is my son...another matter all together...and because he is downstairs and I avoid those stairs as much as possible...we seem to be cut off form each other for the most part.  I need to get down there to clean and observe what is really going on.

The yard is a mine field of garbage, broken things and dog poop lol.  I feel guilty that I am not cleaning it.  The inside of my car needs to be vacuumed...I keep telling myself...when I feel better...when I am less tired...on a good day....I will do it all then.  (I mean they are all good days...I should say days when I have more energy...but those days never seem to come.) The less I deal with everything the more things pile up or get bigger.  So I feel guilty...that is the emotion that I experience when I stop to feel...guilt. 

What is a step up from guilt? 

Blame...lol...skip to blame ...I try to say to myself: I am so angry for others putting me in this situation .  My problem is ...I can't seem to stay in blame...or anger...I believe I am so responsible for my life...I feel so accountable for everything that goes on in my life because I see it as a vibration of what is going on within me...thinking that I cannot stay in blame.  Part of me has stopped pushing forward.  I am stuck.  According to an article in Chakra Anatomy the second chakra (pelvic and lower back) is the source of guilt.  Go figure!

Anyway...I will figure it all out...or it will figure itself out.  All is well in my little world.