Beyond the Gate

 

The peace that passes all understanding is on the other side of fear. 

Michael A. Singer

I listened to the below linked talk from Michael A. Singer today and I was moved to write the below poem.  Not a work of art by any means but it says something lol. 

Returning to the World Beyond the Gates

The Cherubim stands at the garden gate

with its fiery sword of fear and fate,

And I banished, fallen from Grace,

run upon this wheel in fevered pace. 

In fear of sword and fire's mark

I run from light into the dark.

The  sweet voice of angels I can hear

calling me back to face this fear

but the clatter of the hamster wheel 

makes their song seem so  surreal.

With no success, I grasp, cling and push away 

just to make this world out here okay.

When the wheel stops, with trembling hand,

I build a flimsy house upon the sand,

that leans and bows with every gust of wind,

with walls that  echo my ghastly sin. 

The sweet maternal callings get drowned out

as I push and pull and hammer about,

pretending that all is fine and good

with every nail that pierces wood. 

I try to stuff and hide the pain of loss

behind each wall. That comes at cost.

With one big wind this mess I made inside

gets blown out upon the  world wide,

coloring it all as a projection of my sin

and I suddenly know I will never win. 

I am lost in this existence  mind creates

and I long to return to the world beyond the gates.

I take a slow breath and stand up tall 

I turn around to face the wall.

With a heart beating wildly in my chest

I commit with breath to do my best.

Grasping courage,  I face the beast  I knew

knowing the only real way out of pain is through. 

Push by push and step by step,

with anger spent, and tears all wept,

I make my way through pain and fear

until the world of illusion is at my rear,

and the cherubim, just dust and air,

is blown away with my despair. 

Without the need for victory or for fame, 

the ground behind, I once again reclaim . 

Beyond the gate is our souls' reprieve, 

a home we, without  delusion, never leave.

Upon this solid sacred ground

the peace we long for, will be found. 

© Dale-Lyn, May, 2023

"Give me the strength to let go of myself so every given moment I can get closer to you." 

A pray from Ram Dass as shared by Michael a. Singer

Michael A. Singer (May 14, 2023) The Path From Fear to Freedom. https://tou.org/talks/

Escape Into Spirit

 Through delusion you are perceiving yourself as a bundle of flesh and bones, which at best is a nest of troubles.

Meditate frequently so you may behold yourself as the Infinite Essence, free from every form of misery....

....learn to escape into Spirit.

The Teaching of Lahiri Mahasaya through Yogananda

I read this last night after yesterday's entry on choosing Spirit over flesh and knew I should come here to jot it down. Chose body focus and we suffer; choose  spirit focus and we are free.  I love it when pieces of different teachings fit together so perfectly to show there is One truth. 

I also listened to the teachings and research findings of Caroline Leaf , a neuroscientist, who basically speaks about the  hidden energetic essence of who we are beyond the body...though she uses  much different concepts and terminology.,,,and she speaks to the body's reality. She does not use the word "spirit" but she does use the word mind and sees it as something outside the body...that powerful something that can control and affect change on the body , especially the "brain" through neuroplasticity.  Her use of the word "mind" ...to me...includes what I see as "spirit"...the Source of energy behind everything which is consciousness. Hmm! She may not see the relationship in our thinking lol but I do.

I realized when I was listening to her, that I was following the path she describes to building healthy brains all my life.  I have been using my "will" ( though she doesn't actually use that word) to build and rebuild thought, feeling and choice through "studying" ...like really "studying" everything I read, everything I listen to, I ask. I answer. I discuss (like I do here).  I developed that habit in my twenties of studying as if I had to teach what I learned to someone else....unknowingly following ACIM's guidance as well (a teacher is a student and a student s a teacher).  I actually went from being a poor student to a fairly successful teacher by doing so.  It did change my brain patterns.  I have a lot of healthy trees growing in that brain of mind.  I was also able to reconstruct and reframe some pretty gruesome looking dead trees in my brain as well ( you will have to listen or read her to see what I mean by that...basically samskaras in tree form :)) I love how she focuses more on  Quantum Physics in her conclusions than she does on classic physics.  So actually, her teachings make a great deal of sense to me so I intend to "study" more.

It is all good.  

Happy Mothers Day to all mothers out there...may you be well and happy. May you see yourSelf today beyond your form and know just how great you are. 

All is well. 

Paramahansa Yogananda ( 1946) Autobiography of a Yogi. Kindle Edition 

Lewis Howes (2021) Neuroscientist Reveals How to Completely Heal Your Body and Mind/Caroline Leaf & Lewis Howe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zX4DeCV31YY

Flesh or Spirit?

 You see the flesh or recognize the spirit.  There is no compromise between the two.  If one is real the other must be false, for what is real denies its opposite.  ...On this one choice does all your world depend, for here have you established what you are, as flesh or spirit in your own belief. If you choose flesh, you never will escape the body, as your own reality, for you have chosen that you want it so.  But choose the spirit , and all of Heaven bends to touch your eyes and bless your holy sight, that you may see the world of flesh no more except to heal and comfort and to bless. 

ACIM Chapter 31: VI:1:1-8

These are beautiful words.  They follow the poetic passage that Eckhart Tolle recited a few days ago( see entry for Thursday). These words above drew me in more than that passage he recited did.  I read along with Tolle from my beat up and heavily underlined and side noted version of ACIM and my eyes were pulled  down the page to "You see the flesh or recognize the spirit." I knew I had to come back to them.

What is Spirit?

So we have a choice of what we can focus our consciousness on when we think of who we are: the flesh...the separate little body with its overactive and problematic  personal mind or that which lay beneath it: what the Course calls "Spirit". What is spirit?  Right away, many of us have that tendency toward resistance when we hear that word "Spirit" , don't we? It draws up connotations of "woo-woo" mystical stuff like ghosts in the attic we try to contact  or that which only the truly enlightened understand.  But spirit is just a word...it points to what is unseen, what is powerful, what is not understood and that which moves all...does it not? To me, spirit is simply the essence energy of who we are beneath these forms we are in, which is pure consciousness.  It is not something one can find on dissection of the human body but that does not mean, because it lacks material form, that it is not 'real'.  You know thoughts and feelings are real ...do you not?  They cannot be found on dissection of the human body either. So just because we cannot "see" something with our limited human vision ...doesn't mean it isn't real.  We need to look at the word" spirit" with open but practical eyes. 

The Choice

So when we think of Self we can either "see" the  flesh, which can be observed with our human eyes, or we can recognize the spirit, which cannot be seen with human eyes. We can continue to focus on that which is limited but easier to focus on because it has materiality, or we can focus on that which we cannot "see" but we "know" is there on blind faith. If I focus all my attention on the flesh and things desired by the flesh I may not recognize that which exists beneath the flesh.  The Course goes on to say, "There is no compromise." It has to be one or the other.  Our consciousness needs to remove its attention off the body and its worldly needs if it wants to recognize Itself. 

What is Real Denies Its Opposite

When we are so absorbed in materiality, including the body and its needs, we will deny the reality of spirit.  (Ask a scientist if spirit is real). If we put all our attention on the unseen essence of who we are...we will deny the reality of the body. (Ask an enlightened yogi if the  body is real). 

Our World Becomes That Which We Choose to Look Upon.

Now, if I focus all my conscious attention on "me" as a body in  the material world...my world is going to be challenging...full of unpredictability and change as I grasp and cling to whatever might make me feel a bit okay inside, a little more stable amidst the flux.  The body in this view separates us from one and other, from our Source, leaving us to feel alone, vulnerable,  and at the mercy of everything else out there in this material world. When I choose to see the world through the body I am going to be full of fear and resistance to what is. I am going to be "stuck" here in this almost 'hellish'  world of form.

On the other hand, if I choose to see Spirit...to focus my conscious attention on the non material nature of Self...then I will be freed by Heaven's Grace.  ( Again Heaven and Hell are just words...concepts ...pointers, okay?) The world I look upon will be "blessed" because my vision is "blessed" with the clarity of Heaven ( pure consciousness). It is love we find through this perception, not fear.

How we view the world is based on how we see ourselves. Let's rephrase that: It is based on how we choose to see ourselves. It is not so much about not seeing the body,  but the willingness to see beyond the body...to recognize that we are more than body, that who we are will remain after the body is gone and that there is a greater way to view the world than through the body's eyes. The Course goes on to say: 

Are you a body? So is all the world perceived as treacherous and out to kill. Are you a spirit, deathless, and without the promise of corruption or the stain of sin upon you? So the world is seen as stable, fully worthy of your trust; a happy place to rest in for a while, where nothing need be feared, but only loved.  ACIM Ch 31: VI: 5:5-8

We were given the will to choose which version of the world we will look upon  and which eyes we see through: the body's or spirit's. What do you choose?

All is well.  

Dharma and Reality

 

God is what is there when you are not. 

Michael A. Singer

I woke up this morning and I felt a bit "blah".  I have been contemplating this "blah" feeling I have been experiencing lately. And I know that...sure... it has a physical cause to some degree but it really has more of  a spiritual cause. This "blahness"I am experiencing is actually an indication that I am actually doing "good" in spiritual terms ( even though it is a bit of an oxymoron to use  a dualistic term like "good" and spiritual in the same sentence...in fact any "terms" or "concepts" really do not apply to spirituality...do they?) I digress...what I am saying...is that I am progressing in the way I am meant to progress...moving forward beautifully.  This "blah" feeling has a lot to do with the fact that I am not living in my head as much as I used to....I am not inspired and guided by this idea that "things will get better up there in the future somewhere."   I am not operating on hope.  And I am not clinging to some past story to rationalize why I am the way I am.  I see the cause and effect thing but I am not clinging. I am here and now dealing with what is front of me right now and what is inside me right now.  In front of me is Life doing what Life does...inside me is a bunch of painful samskaras emerging ...and I am feeling them. It is all more than a bit scary  without my old habit tendencies and defenses but I am determined to stay here.  This is my dharma

I  listened to Michael A. Singer today and once again absorbed the wisdom in what he had to say.  I intend to take that wisdom with me. 

dharma is  being in the now and letting the reality of Life unfold as it would if you were not here.  It is  a no mind state

All my life, up to this point, I said to myself without realizing it, "I can't handle reality so I will go to the mind." I was choosing my mind over God and I suffered.  We suffer when we do that people.  As hard as this ever changing reality is to face ...it is the only way to peace.

All is well

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( May 11, 2023) Leaving the Personal Mind for Reality. https://tou.org/talks/

I Do Not Know

I do not know the thing I am, and therefore do not know what I am doing, where I am, or how to look upon the world or myself. 

ACIM, Chapter  31: V: 17:7

Hmm!  I was reminded of this passage from A Course in Miracles when I was listening to Eckhart Tolle's latest youtube today ( see link below) ,   With it, I see ,once again, the connection between most spiritual teachings. Is this not the basis of yoga and the vedic teachings? Is this not what Socrates meant when he asked that we "know thyself" ?  It is said that there is no statement that the world fears more than the above and yet in its learning is salvation born. I hope there is learning and salvation in this stage of the journey because it seems to be where I am at.  There is a lot of "I don't know" in my life. It is very confusing

Tolle comments on the poetic nature of the entire passage 17...well the entire course is written in such a poetic way. Though skeptical mind says it is inconceivable that these words were from Jesus Himself, channelled through the body and mind of  an aging, practical minded and agnostic psychologist at Columbia University, as they were said to be...heart says , "How can anything so profound and beautifully written come from a mere mortal?" Most poetry, I feel but do not know, comes from a higher place than ego. Again: "I don't know!" 

I do not know like I once thought I knew.

I do not know what I am...I mean...what I  truly am beneath this flimsy layer of "me" I wear, beneath all the images and ideas I created about who I was and what the world was. Without all these concepts and notions I once believed to be true and am now questioning...who am I?  I do not know.

I do not know what I am doing either?  I mean, at this point of my journey, I am observing myself moving around on this planet...doing things...I see how most of what I have done up until this point of my evolution, was mindless...I was not paying attention to what I was doing.  I did not know "why" I was doing what I was doing.  I also do not know what I am supposed to be doing now. I do not know. 

I also do not know where I am. What is this place, this planet, this universe and how did I get here?  Why am I here? Am I in the world or is the world in me?  The more I practice, the more I am starting to see that the world is in me...and that just confuses me more.  I don't know how to look upon the world anymore...it all seems so senseless, so very much of it meaningless.  And I do not know how to look upon myself.  I see this "me" with all its neurotic tendencies and I just want to get rid of it.  Who am I without it? I have yet to truly realize this Self beneath the self...so I am not sure how to look upon that either. I do not know.

There is an awful lot of "I don't know." in my life, s there may be in yours. That is a good thing, It is a sign that we are  learning, and growing, getting closer to the truth.

It is to this unsealed and open mind that truth returns [ meaning it was never lost, just forgotten], unhindered and unbound. 

All is well.

Eckhart Tolle (May 10, 2023) Who Are You?/ Eckhart Tolle Reads A Course in Miracles. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grBahEds37U

Just Light

 Just light

It is all just light.

Let it enter 

brightening up your spaces

Feel its warmth

Revel in its contours 

Enjoy its spectrum 

of ever changing colours

Experience its gift 

before it pours right through you

Let the light in  

Let it all in

Just light  

It is all just light!

Do not put your hands up

to your eyes to block it

in fear that it will blind you

Do not seal the perfect holes 

that allow it in

in fear that it will burn you 

Do not fold yourself up 

in an air tight container

in fear that it will smother you

Let the light in 

Let it all in.

Just light 

All just light! 

Do not reach up to grasp  each ray

with hands that were never meant 

to hold them

Do not cling in an attempt to own 

what was never yours

Do not block the passage outward

in fear that you will never experience 

such wonder

such brightness 

such comfort 

such warmth

again

just let the light  go

let it all go

and light the world around you

with your letting go.

Dale-Lyn (May, 2023)

This is what came out of me , inspired by the podcast below.

All is well,

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( May 4, 2023) Relationship between the Psyche and the Shakti.https://tou.org/talks/

Dear Yogananda

 To lay aside what you have in your head (selfish desires and ambitions); to freely bestow what you have in your hand; and never to flinch from the blows of adversity.

Yogananda, Autobiography of a Yogi.

Dear Yogananda,

I know you have left this planet years ago leaving behind your teachings, many believers and your autobiography that I am presently reading....but still, I wish to address you as if you were still here in earthly form. I want to reach out to the great minds of this world...not for answers from you  but for answers in me. I am hoping the reader will bare with me on this silly little venture.

Though I have been practicing a rudimentary form of yoga for years, as well as,  meditating and teaching, I can not , by any means, profess to know Yoga. The more I read of your autobiography, the less, I realize, I know.  I question if I am a true yogi. 

What I want from yoga may differ from what a true yogi seeks? I chose the above quote for my entry today because it is something  said that I can relate to. It is  what I am obviously seeking in my own practice.  I want to lay aside what is in my head, this idea of "me" with its preferences,  that is often so noisy and distracting, as well as suffering inducing.  I want to give away all I have to give to the world: my gifts, talents, learning,  light, peace.  I also want to stand strong in the face of challenge or adversity...to not be bothered by anything. I want peace and freedom from suffering for myself and others. That is my yogic  goal. This is proving to be no easy feat to master.  I am committed but struggling with this part of yoga. Yet, I know from what you and others teach, Yoga is  about achieving so much more than that. It is about achieving states  I can barely even imagine, let alone seek for myself.  

You, among the gurus you write about, through the practice of kriya yoga, have attained this minimum I am seeking  and so, so much more.  You have reached Samadhi and have thusly been blessed with the Bliss of a free flowing Shakti and then even the siddhis....the highest achievements of a Yogi.... supernatural power.  I must admit, I have a hard time with this idea of finding Bliss, let alone supernatural powers.  I can not wrap my head around the concept of "Siddhis" ...It is too "Harry Potter" for me and thusly it is a part of yoga I do not actively seek to attain. It seems too far out for me to even think of, let alone go after. In fact, to this "me" that is still in the way of my freedom, finding peace is a challenging enough goal. Bliss seems so far away, even though I have been taught, over and over again, that bliss is a natural state of being and once we free ourselves from the "me" and all its samskaras, it will flow beautifully and abundantly....I find it hard to actively seek it.  Freedom from fear seems like a wonderful and amazing thing, on its own, and  I would be so happy to attain just that. It seems like enough. Peace seems like enough.  Bliss seems like an over reach at this point in my life.  Does that make me a bad yogi? 

In your autobiography you  speak of things like your own precognizance...your ability to see things in the future happening before they happen.  That one is somewhat easier to swallow because it seems to happen to me from time to time...though  my  mind,  a part of this still  sticky "me", is skeptical.   Then you speak of seeing those that have passed on, the rematerialization of gurus from one place and time to another, the eternal, never changing youthfulness of Babaji  and the Christ-like Life of your guru, Lahiri Mahasaya. I, as a Christian, was raised on a belief in Christ's miraculous powers and it makes sense that if  these powers were real, they would not be limited to one being on a selective religious basis. But my mind questions: Are they real? My mind questions but my heart says yes, for some reason.  Is that because I want them to be real or is it that a part of me, beneath my skeptical mind, knows they are? So there is a certain degree of "woo-woo" in yoga I am just trying to get around.

In my trying to get around it, I do my best to ignore the 8th limb of yoga practice and I carry on with all the rest in a somewhat committed way.  Self-realization and freedom from "me" is my goal.  Is that enough for now? 

Anyway, I want to thank you for sharing your light and free flowing Shakti with the world.  I look forward to reading more about you in Autobiography of a Yogi.

Sincerely,

The "I" beneath the "me" in this form that is writing

Well that is what came out of me when I imagined addressing Yogananda.  Certainly somethings to think about. 

All is well

True Nature of Bliss

 Lord Krishna ...proclaims Self-realization, true wisdom, as the highest branch of all human knowledge-the king of all sciences, the very essence of dharma ("religion") for it alone permanently uproots the cause of man's three-fold suffering and reveals to him his true nature of Bliss. Self-realization is "yoga" or Oneness with truth- the  direct perception or experience of truth by the all knowing intuitive faculty of the soul. 

Yogananda

Yoga is the direct route to the end of suffering and that is why I practice it.   It takes us out of  habit minds and the tendencies of the "little me",  to the truth of who we really are. What is the cause of man's suffering? "Me" is.  "Me" is between consciousness and consciousness. Huh?  We have created this needy, fearful and easily disturbed psyche and plopped it right down in our spacious inner world.  It seems to have created a wall that, as space, we cannot see beyond. It has become so distracting we are constantly compelled to focus on it. This wall isn't real, we just come to believe it is.  And as long as consciousness is focusing on "me" with all its desires and its aversions...it does not see Itself. It isn't aware of Its own Oneness. Yoga helps to get this "me" out of the way so awareness meets awareness once again.

More than that it is said, by the masters, to be  the direct route to  Bliss. Getting beyond suffering to Bliss is not my goal right now. It seems like something beyond what I am seeking. But who knows, maybe someday, with steady practice,  I will realize, not only the absence of fear, but  just how blissful Life can be as a truly Self-realized human being. Maybe someday I will have a joyful and direct experience of truth as the soul.

All is well 

Bring On the Disturbance; Bring On the Healing

 

If something comes along that disturbs my heart, bring it on!  I don't want to live in here afraid of my own heart. If something comes along that disturbs my mind, bring it on!  I don't want to live in here afraid of my own mind. 

Michael A. Singer

The Experience

I had an experience this morning and as part of my practice, I did my best to stay with it.  It was a somewhat  uncomfortable feeling that teasingly poked and prodded some old samskaras, making them grumble and rumble inside me.  Though it was not an intense sensation,  I felt it in the body parts  I always feel this experience in...in my gut...and jaw...a tightening and clenching in a variety of degrees. Today it was a mild to moderate degree.  I could feel myself curling forward as if to protect my vital organs from attack.  Nothing dramatic ...just a slight reflex. I could also see how my mind was reacting with old habit tendencies.  It was automatically trying to solve the problem of this experience by pushing the experience  away, looking for something that would make me feel better inside or at least, not worse. It was doing me a solid. It wanted me to avoid the situation-potential that was , it believed, responsible for the discomfort.  Since it was an anticipatory focus on something that may or may not happen in the future but something I was committed to being available for should it happen...since it involved a "waiting" and a "not knowing"...the mind, I could picture, was pacing back and forth wringing its hands, cuing the body to stay super "alert" for signs of this thing coming into my experience. It had the amygdala on guard. I was hypervigilant and easily startled ( mildly so) by noises that indicated  this thing mind was preparing itself for might be unfolding in front of me. It was challenging to settle into the moment.

Asking "Why?", Instead of "What Can I Do About It?"

Now,  I awoke with this experience, of what psychologists might call "mild anticipatory anxiety", but I also went to bed with it.  In Fact, it was there in my subconscious mind as I was sleeping making it a somewhat restless night, and it was definitely there when I awoke before my alarm even went off.  So I lay there at five a.m. with a choice to make.  I knew I could do something to make the thing the mind thought was responsible for this level of discomfort go away and that would mean  I wouldn't have to handle it or I could continue to commit to allowing all of it into my experience: the thing mind was anticipating and my reaction to it. I knew I could resist in a variety of ways or I could simply be here inside with this restless mind observing it and body "experience" what was happening as it waited to see if this thing would materialize.  Instead of asking what can I do to feel better, I knew I could ask "Why?  Why am I feeling this way? " I decided to do the latter.

Relaxing, Observing, Allowing, Asking, and Healing

So I lay there and began to focus on breath by counting my exhales.  I observed my body and mind handling this experience of anticipation  as I gently encouraged them to relax. Body was easier than mind to encourage. Mind, in its fearful ( albeit mildly so), problem - solving and protection mode was restless and it did what it could to carry me away from the "what is" of my moment...to prepare me for what might be coming up.  So, I had to bring myself back again and again and again to the moment, to body, to breath, and to my commitment to stay with this experience. I had to counter mind's recurring question "What can we do about this to feel better?" and I asked "Why? Why am I feeling this way?"  As I asked that I was suddenly hit with a visualization of a little girl standing in the corner of a familiar room absolutely terrified as she waited for something bad to happen.  I suddenly knew why I was having the experience I was having.  Though the degree of fear I was having this morning was nothing in comparison to the degree of fear the little girl was experiencing back then, I knew it was the same fear. That realization was very profound. (Probably more profound than I am actually understanding at this moment). Most of the fear we experience today is a diluted form of the fear that is stuffed inside us...that for some reason has been triggered. 

Why Relief?

With that in mind, I brought myself back to breath , body and moment and continued to do my best to meditate, this time with a little more insight and self compassion. The discomfort did not go away but I was more accepting of it.  When the alarm rang I allowed mind to take over a bit in its preparation for what I had committed myself to that day, should it materialize. I got up and I waited an hour. As it happened, it didn't materialize and I must say I felt, as usual, a tremendous sense of relief.  A feeling that comes with "not having to" flooded my body and mind and the jaw unclenched, the gut relaxed, the iliopsoas let go of its need to pull me forward. Mind stopped pacing and was happily smiling. I had to ask again, "Why? Why am I feeling this way?" 

The mind quickly responded, " We are relieved because  we did not have to face and deal with what we were afraid of: the challenge that might  lead to something bad happening to us. We get to stay here where it it is safe, doing what comes naturally to us...writing and healing. " (Mind likes to use "we" or "me", "I" prefers that the mind didn't take such liberties.  Self does not identify with mind.  lol)

Of course, "I", unlike mind,  knows it goes a lot deeper than that.  Mind is relieved that it no longer has to be so vigilant, that it didn't have to handle the challenge.  Self , on the other hand, was never anxious and was never relieved. It would have happily taken on the challenge as something to help it grow (...if mind didn't feel so compelled to protect the "me")...just as it gratefully  took on the challenge of me sitting with this emotional experience this morning..   Self sees how my willingness to sit with disturbance helped the "I" in me  to grow with that visualized realization I had.  Some samskara pieces were released this morning, as small as they might have been.  Some healing took place. 

No Shame. Progress

I also see, in comparison  to other  similar morning experiences brought on for the same reason, this one was much milder and the relief was greater because there was no shame involved. There was no shame because I was willing to be with what was.  I was not avoiding and running away this time.  I was not doing something to make the feeling go away.  I was committed to accepting the situation should it materialize.  I was prepared to face the challenge regardless of how I felt inside. Most importantly,  I was committed to experiencing the anticipatory anxiety, the discomfort and whatever else came up as a result of waiting and not knowing.  I was allowing it all into my life.  I was saying to Life..."Thy will be done, not my will."  This is progress!!! 

Willingness to Heal Greater than Fear

My determination to heal by releasing all the samskaras stuck inside me was and is, I realize, much greater than my fear. The fear is not going to go away over night.  It is going to come and go in its varying degrees. I am still going to feel yucky and uncomfortable inside because of it but I know now I don't have to resist it. There is a reason for this fear, this pain and discomfort...one that deserves acceptance, respect, kindness and compassion...and the less I resist it, the freer I will be.

The less we resist our pain and discomfort, the quicker our samskaras will be released and  the freer we will all be. 

Story Details May Differ but Fear is Fear

Now, that was a long winded story about  a common challenge we all face with our stuffed fear that may arise as anticipatory anxiety in many of us. Fear is fear, in whatever form or degree it comes in and as long as we are fearing, we have some healing to do! We do not want to stay afraid of our hearts and minds do we? 

I didn't tell you the life situation details as to exactly what I was fearing because it really, really doesn't matter.  What matters is not what is or isn't happening "out there" but what is happening "in here".  Do you get that yet? There is nothing "wrong" with the  outside world with all its changing events and circumstances.  It is not the problem. It may trigger what is not okay inside us ...as this waiting did for me this morning, as it does for me most mornings...but that is as far as it goes. Nothing "out there" is going to break us and nothing "out there" is going to fix us. The problem is we are not okay inside. We , as "me" are broken in some degree or another because we have stuffed our pain inside and it has become a knotted tangle of emotional energy that needs to be released.  It is in the way of us experiencing what we are meant to  experience...true joy! We, with our problematic little mes, have gotten in the way of who we truly are. We need to admit that to ourselves and then we need to begin healing by relaxing and letting go as life pours through us.  We need to become strainers that allow life's precious energy to flow through us...instead of the sealed up airtight containers many of us have become. 

As Michael Singer says, we just don't know how beautiful we are inside, beneath all this junk we have stuffed on top of Self.  I don't know about you, but I want to be beautiful inside.  That, I know, is the greatest gift I can give anyone. So though I may tense up and tremble from time to time, I still say, "Bring it on!"

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of teh Universe ( May 8, 2023) You don't want what you think you want. https://tou.org/talks/

Dancing Without Fear

 Without fear...life becomes a dance with God...and then what difference does it make what comes next...

Michael A. Singer

I am a  fear based person wanting to dance with God. Though I have done a great deal of work to confront my fears, I still have fear in my life.  I am still afraid. 

If you are afraid...you will not be able to dance this dance at the level it was meant to be danced (Singer)

I am not dancing in the way I danced as a child, before I became scarred with fear.  like A sufi master spinning and spinning in big glorious circles in honor of my connection with God. I don't dance like that anymore.  I am too afraid of what others will say .  What about you?  Are you dancing? Or are you, like most of us, living a life narrowed by fear and therefore not living at all. 

As long as fear is driving your life, you don't have one. (Singer)

Eckhart Tolle reminds us again and again that there is a big difference between our life situation and Life.  Our life situation is our past history and it includes the story of us...what happened to to us, what situation we are living in now, the roles we play, our relationships ...our thoughts, beliefs and feelings etc...and Life, on the other hand, is who we are. So many of us are trapped in the story, seeing the world and life through that narrow lens ...which often equates to a fear based view...and we are not living.  We are thinking, planning, and "doing" whatever we can to avoid or deal with fear and in so doing, we are  missing out on Life.  

Life is here and now and has little to do with the  story in our heads. When we focus this lens of consciousness down on the story...on this narrow perception we have of the world and the situations we have or are facing...the fear...we leave the  seat of consciousness where the energy is high and beautiful and we descend down into the situation, into the fear ( which, btw, is the underlying energy of most of our emotions).  We can get trapped down there and the amazing energy of Life, who we are, can become blocked.  We then miss out on the dancing, on the present reality, on the beauty of Life in the here and now, and our connection with God. 

I consider myself a student and a practitioner of yoga...as unskilled as I may be at this point :), and as such I do try to extricate  consciousness from my fear rather than spend my time trying to remove fear from my life.  I have learned the hard way that fear cannot be removed from our bodies and minds...it is a part of being a human animal...but consciousness, awareness, can be removed from fear.  We do not have to focus all our energy on fear. 

We are here to learn, grow and expand into consciousness.  We are not here to be restricted and coiled up into balls of fear,  And we will learn regardless. If we stay in fear focus...we will act in fear focus and karma will be our teacher.  The lessons are hard and slowly learned in this way, according to Singer. The quickest way to learn, he goes on to say, is through "being there, being here" through the challenges of fear. We can, instead of running away and hiding from fear,  embrace it by being willing to sit with it, observe it and experience it.  Without resistance, fear will enter our lives and it will leave our lives. 

If we  stay conscious, past samskaras get removed and released, and energy stays up in the higher levels. When we stay in the Seat of Conscousness...at the center...we are closer to God. When we get distracted by fear and lower based thinking, we lose consciousness. Energy leaves the center  and it goes to much lower levels . We are no longer there and we lose that level of consciousness and awareness. We may use "will", which is an integral part of the  force of consciousness...consciousness asserted and moving in a direction to keep the fear away and this  creates blockages. Resistance  and will make the energy stay in those lower areas. When we focus there, we lose awareness of the here and now...the only place Life can be. We miss out. We need to stay conscious and aware if we want to dance with God! ( Singer)

"The price of God is the willingness and capability to never go away...to be there!" (Singer)

Singer tells us that if we can stay there, every day we will  evolve, getting closer to God. We will not be the  same the next day as we were the day before.... We will begin to care less and less about the life situations. In truth, the world doesn't mean anything.  It is just a product of little "me" and its  conceptual thinking, its preferences, its judgements and opinions, and its  story.  Once we realize that, there will be nothing to fear.

When you are busy dealing with your life situation you miss Life...Life is not in the doing...it is in the being now ET

All is well!

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of teh Universe ( April 17, 2023) Remaining conscious in the midst of Life  https://tou.org/talk-archive/

Eckhart Tolle ( March 7, 2023) The End of Fear/ Eckhart Tolle's Guide on How to Achieve True Peace. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58dT53V7B_M&t=1s

Distraction

 Distraction is extremely spiritual...it is what is keeping you from God.

Michael A. Singer

Most of us do not equate "distraction" with spirituality but Singer, in the below linked podcast, explains why distraction is a spiritual concept worthy of  consideration. Distraction keeps us from God.  It keeps us from discovering who we truly are which is consciousness. God, he goes on to say, is:

...the One consciousness that is the same throughout the entire universe...

Hmmm? How are we distracted from God?  By focusing on the things that have and are happening to and around this big distraction of "me".  When we are pulled into "me"  disturbances , we are distracted from who we truly are. We have not maintained our seat of Self.  When we are focusing on  the pain outside and inside...we are distracted.  We leave the  seat to follow the pain.  We are distracted. When we grasp and cling to  positive or pleasant experiences , we are distracted. We have forgotten who we are...the objective, undisturbed Witness. 

In order to be free of our ADHD tendencies...we need to learn not to be distracted.  We need to let go of our tendency to follow every bit of sensory input that we are made aware of, every thought, every feeling, every desire to cling and every desire to push away. 

Letting go, we know by now, is 'spiritual' and letting go  is all about not getting distracted...not going with the distraction.  When we start to notice we are getting pulled...than we let go. 

Spirituality, real spirituality, is about learning not to be distracted.  It isn't about right or wrong, good or bad, what should I do and what shouldn't I do. 

The more we let go, the less we get distracted, the "ascent"...the inner pull upward gets stronger and stronger as opposed to the outer pull downward. That is spirituality.

We have attained a certain freedom when the drop of consciousness that was staring at my mind has fallen back into the ocean...

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( May 6, 2023) Liberation-Releasing the Pull of Distraction. https://tou.org/talks/

Pulling the Threads Out in Yoga Class

 What is the best way to remove a veil? By pulling the threads out, one by one, until it exists no more. ......The mind is a veil woven of thoughts. It has no substance by itself. If we pull the thoughts out one after the other, when they have all been removed , there is no mind left. 

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali Book II: 52, as translated by Swami Satchidananda

Whether we know it or not, we all want this busy, crazy-making veil of mind removed and meditation  practice  can help us do that. 

Not many people come to meditation class, but hundreds and thousands come for asanas and pranayama.

Hmm! I certainly don't have "hundreds and thousands" coming to my yoga classes but those that do come, come purely for the physical benefit of  the third and forth limbs of yoga: asana and pranayama (breath control.)  Yoga is viewed by western culture solely as a way to stretch and relax the body.  The next four limbs are a little too "woo-oo " for many students to accept,  even if it is what would benefit them the most. The true practice of yoga is not understood.  Many do not realize that  asana and pranayama were developed merely to enhance the practice of the other four limbs: pratyahara( removal of the senses), dharana ( concentration), dhyana (meditation), and ultimately Samadhi (mergence with the One). Western students do not want to go there in a yoga class!  Stretching and relaxing muscles is where many students want it to end. In fact, some find any reason they can to skip out prior to savasana. Those quiet moments of going inward are too scary for some.  They fear the "woo-woo part " of yoga.

 I  am also a certified meditation and mindfulness teacher.  I know though, that is the last thing people seem to want when they come to my classes.  I do not outwardly and obviously teach meditation in my classes for that reason.  It is offered subtly through both asana and pranayama. I try to incorporate the awareness  of breath with every asana...that is meditation and mindfulness.  I encourage and lead people to be aware of sensations in the body, and to relax into each posture.  That is meditation and mindfulness.  In savasana, we return to breath awareness again and the breath leads to awareness of the body section by section. I actually guide them through a body scan meditation...though I do not call it such. 

So though people do not tend to come to me ( I had one) for instruction on meditation and mindfulness, I do teach it in my classes.  I am introducing the students to the next four limbs. They just don't know it.  And the fact that I am a committed practitioner of  pratyahara dharana, and dhyana...maybe that rubs off a bit too, subliminally? I don't know. 

Anyway, breath control and awareness, especially,  has been taught by Patanjali to help remove the veil of mental darkness that hides our light.  When we focus on breath we are not focusing on thought and what is going on in our busy minds. One breath at a time...we pull away the strings of the mind veil until it is unravelled. 

Pranayama indirectly helps us to understand the Oneness, the never-changing One, becasue it removes the veil. 

I am helping my students do that even though I don't proclaim to be. 

All is well. 

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali as translated by Swami Satchidananda (2011) Integral Yoga Publications: Yogaville. 

Be careful with, "I am"

 

I am before, during and after all conditions.  I am a constant never altered by the temporal. I am!

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, PhD

So I awoke in the wee hours knowing that I would discuss the use of "I am" this morning.  I am? Yes, 'I am'...how we mindlessly use it in context to what is unfolding around us or through us and how it can trap us . 

I went to bed with this thought pounding in my head, "I am not doing good."  That, besides the incorrect use of english, is a misuse of words and concepts.  The mind, still overly dependent on words and concepts, will swallow that whole and it will become, if I am not careful, another "belief" in my subconscious mind. Many of us are constantly attaching the temporary fleeting experiences of life to this eternal beingness of ' I am' in a mindless and unwholesome way.

" I am not doing good."

...not doing good?

Before we get to "I am",  lets look at the tail end of that sentence: "not doing good" These words are about  what I am experiencing  in comparable terms on the physical/mental health and productivity social scale of things. At the time of their occurence, I was not feeling well physically.  I was not feeling well emotionally. I felt lethargic and down.   I was thinking of all the things I had to do to "keep up" and that I have yet to start. Though,  I am aware how I have been successfully peeling off one unhealthy layer after the other, I recognized last night how many more layers I had to peel off ...and how tired I felt at that moment of realization. It was then, the statement came to my mind.  It was repeated again and again...

Why was the tail end of the statement  unwholesome?

First of all, it was obviously a negative statement brought on by my consciousness focusing on what was 'not good' about my experience then. The statement affected me negatively...bringing on guilt and shame for not "doing better". The repeated use of it kept  consciousness focusing down into the muck of human experience rather than where it could shine.  The more I uttered it, the more I believed it.  The more I believed it the more it got cemented in my subconscious mind as a core belief. The more core it was, the worse I felt.  The statement negates all the good I have done and focuses on what is not right.  It, by itself, was unwholesome.

It became even more unwholesome and damaging when I attached it to "I am".

Why?

It was not truth...This experience was not who I was or am...it was just something I was having.  What I have and what I am are too different things.  I was having an experience of "not doing good".  "Not doing good" is not my identity, it isn't who I am. 

When we use the term 'I am',  we also  negate the temporary nature of passing phenomena.  'I am' is an eternal and permanent state of being. My "not doing good" was temporary and fleeting but when I attach it to 'I am', I am connecting it to something that will not pass.  All phenomena is meant to be observed, experienced and then let go of.  It is meant to pass through us.  When I attach the permanence of "I am" to it...it doesn't pass through.  It gets stuck inside us as part of "me" identity.

Most importantly, this mindlessly spoken statement diminishes the essence of "I am"; it diminishes who we are.  'I am' is pointing to who we are beyond our temporary human experiences...to the witness consciousness, the light that shines on the phenomena and experiences that unfold around us and pass through us. This  is not those experiences; we are not those experiences . 'I am' is so much more; we are so much more .  This light  could be shining on so much more.  This experience of "not doing good" was very low and limited energy condition.  When I used the statement repeatedly, I was using  this wonderful light of pure consciousness and focusing it on this temporary and low energy condition of "not doing good", at the exclusion of all the other things it could be focusing on. I was diminishing it and therefore diminishing the Life I was having in that moment.  Hmm!

I use this example as a reminder to be careful about what we attach "I am" to.  Though these are all just concepts and in themselves meaningless,  as long as the mind ascribes to them , we need to be careful. Use 'I am' only  for things like..."I am peace; I am love; I am light!" etc and 'I have' for the others. 

All is well. 

Withdrawal of the Senses

 The senses withdraw themselves from the objects and imitate, as it were, the nature of the mind-stuff, this is pratyaharah. 

Pantajali's Yoga Sutras, Book II, 54

Pratyaharah is the 5 th limb of Astanga or Raja yoga, according to Patanjali. It is defined as being the ability to control the senses...a withdrawal of the senses from their outside world focus and returning them to an inner world focus.  The fifth limb can be practiced after one masters, to some degree, Yama or abstinence from violence, lying, stealing, lustful urges, and greed; Niyama or observance: purity, accepting but not causing pain, study of spiritual books and self-surrender. ( page 120); Asanas and pranayama ( basically what I teach in my yoga classes). I am more than ready for the practice of this fifth limb.  Infact, I have been practicing for years with breath awareness, attention to the karmic effects of my actions etc. 

It helps though to better understand what it means:

The withdrawal of senses:

The senses are like a mirror.  Turned outward, they reflect the outside; turned inward they reflect the pure light.  By themselves, the senses are innocent, but when allowed to turn outside, they attract everything and transfer those image sto the mind, making it restless. Turned inward, they find peace by taking the form of the mind itself. Translated by Satchidananda, page 156

I may need to look into this a little more.

All is well

Satchidananda (Translator) ( 2011). The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Integral Yoga Publications: Yogaville, Virginia

"I Am Depressed" ?

 

[What we may discover about ourselves when we look inside]: "I have collected all my not okays and identify myself with them."

Michael A. Singer ( paraphrased)

"I am depressed."

You are not depressed...no one is depressed...you are just staring at depression. 

What??? How can you say that?  I am depressed...I have a diagnosis.  I have a biochemical malfunction in my brain!"

Yes, okay.  You may  have a diagnosis of depression.  You may have a biochemical malfunction in your brain...an issue with serotonin or dopamine... but it isn't truth when you say, "I am depressed." 

What???

"I am" is a declaration of the verb "to be" . You cannot "be" depression or depressed.  Your brain and body  can have the biological complications of a biochemical thing or your mind can be having and extreme situational reaction to Life ...but you cannot be it.  Having it and being it are two different things. You are identifying yourself as depression, when you say: "I am depressed.".  How would it sound if I went up to you and said, " Hi Depressed or Depression , I am Colitis.  It is nice to meet you?" 

Are you ridiculing me? I know what I have and how it effects my life.  My body, mind, my thoughts and my emotions are driving me crazy.

Believe me, I am not making fun, I have nothing but empathy for you in this situation. I also agree 100 % with that statement. It makes perfect sense to me when you say "My body, mind, thoughts  and emotions are driving me crazy. "  It is your body,  mind, thoughts and your emotions...not you...that are problematic and when you attach "my" to them...they become something you own and not something you are. It is they that are problematic, not who you are that is

What are you talking about?

Well you are not your body or mind.  You are not your thoughts.  You are not your emotions.  These are just things you "have."

WTFork? 

How does it feel for you to simply change some words around and say, "I have a diagnosed depression."  rather than say, "I am depressed." ?  

I don't know...lighter ?

When we "have"  something ...it is like  we are possessing this thing temporarily,  like holding it in our hands. It is outside of us. The act of having it and holding it are also impermanent.  We can eventually put it down ( we may need help to do that) without losing anything.  When we say "I am", however, ...it is like this thing is who we are and removing whatever it is may seem  more like amputation. We are too attached to it. It is a part of us.

I am not attached to depression!!! I don't want it in my life.  I want to be normal and okay.

Well normal is not necessarily "okay",  but I can truly understand your desire to feel better. I can see why you believe the "depression" is the reason you do not feel okay.  But is it possible that the bigger problem is how your depression has become the focus of your attention and not this so called disorder you have been labelled with?

What?  Of course I am focusing on it. I am constantly facing and drowning in  this heavy darkness that is all around me.

I can only imagine how challenging it is and how it must seem so beyond your control. This so called depression ( and I am only saying 'so-called" because I don't want us to get lost in  concepts) is real...it is what is unfolding in front of you.  It is one thing  Life is presenting to you and it is big....right -smack dab- in -front- of -you big .  Yet, it isn't the only thing Life is giving you right now, is it? There are so many other pleasant" things unfolding around you and other "unpleasant things unfolding and an endless amount of neutral things unfolding that you don't even notice, right? The depression is not the only thing showing up  in your life right now, is it?

No...but how do you expect me to appreciate the other things when this is in the way and I am so busy trying to fix it, so I feel even remotely okay  inside? 

Exactly...you are doing what all of us tend to do to the detriment of our own happiness and peace of mind.  You are staring at what is not okay inside and while you try to find ways to make you feel better and try to find ways to avoid feeling worse.  All your conscious attention is going to the collection of "not okay" you have stuffed inside, this "depression" being the biggest and loudest knot of them all. You are staring at what has become your "problematic and depressed me", at the exclusion of all else.

Huh?

You are not the depression. You are that which is staring at the depression.   Though the experience of depression is very real for you and so in your face, it is not you and you are not it.  It is simply something you are observing.  You are not the collection of "not okayness"  stored inside either...you are simply that which observes it.  This collection of 'not okay' is what has become the "me" of your life. You...who you are...are okay; what you are staring at isn't. The "me" is not okay but you are. The "me" isn't real.

Are you saying I should  feel guilty for focusing on my depression?

Of course not...no, no , no.  You are human and it is human to have our attention pulled down to the most distracting and noisiest thing unfolding in front of us or in us.  Consciousness tends to get  pulled down to the loudest noise.  This experience of "depression" makes a heck of a lot of noise.  It is very normal to get lost in it.  Most people do.  But what if you could be abnormal here? What if you didn't have to get lost in it?   What if you could look at depression as one of those things you are holding in your hands...like a parcel Life has handed you for whatever reason. It wouldn't be a part of who you are.  It would just be something you "have", something you are temporarily holding on to.  While you are holding it...you could still be mindful of all the other things unfolding around you and in you.  You wouldn't be staring at the parcel...you would be looking over it, under it, around it...not denying that it is there  but not focusing solely on it at the exclusion of all else. Wouldn't that be so much more freeing?

Oh...maybe

You are not depressed.  You are just having, among all the other experience potentials around you, a temporary but intense experience where your body (neurotransmitters maybe), your mind, your thoughts and feelings and your "me" are more than a little demanding.  Pay attention sure...do what needs to be done...but do not keep that amazing Light of consciousness, which is you,  focusing there at the exclusion of all else.

All is well. 

Inspired by:   

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( May 1, 2023) False Identification- the Root of Doership. https://tou.org/talks/

Curious?

 By replacing fear of the unknown with curiosity we open ourselves up to an infinite stream of possibility. We can let fear rule our lives or we can become childlike with possibility.  We can let fear rule our lives or we can become childlike with curiosity, pushing our boundaries, leaping out of comfort zones, and accepting what life puts before us. 

Alan Watts

Today I step out of a comfort zone...test my body and mind to see if I am up to continuing on this little adventure that I was taking a break from. I am curious to see if I can. Only one way to find out and that is to try.

All is well. 

Dusting Off the Lamp

He said to them, "Do you bring in a lamp  to put it under a bowl or a bed? Instead, don't you put it on its stand? For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open. If anyone has ears to hear, let them hear."

Mark 4: 21-23 NIV

This lovely parable from Jesus epitomizes my new mission in this life I call "mine". My practice taking me to my polestar ( again using those pronouns lightly) is to expose the buried ( hidden and concealed)  roots of suffering. They, to me (this is not in that passage from Mark), are like a thick layer of dirt, dust and grime over the light that shines inside...a light we all have within us. They diminish the light to the point of darkness sometimes. So, many of us, like me, increase that darkness by taking our dirty lanterns and hiding them under a bowl or under the bed (away from our conscious awareness). In order to allow our inner lights of consciousness to shine brightly , we need to clean off the samskara dust...but we can not do that until we take our lanterns out and put them on the stand, until we expose them in their imperfect dust collecting forms. We can see the dust and then wipe it off. We let go of the hiding; we let go of the layers of suffering we have been clinging to for whatever reason and we allow that little light within to grow. I then share that light with whoever will hear it. 

I am here to grow; I am here to let go.

I am going to borrow this often used mantra that Michael A. Singer shared in the below podcast. I am going to try to create a meditation around it. I need to keep reminding myself that is why I am here!  

Singer explains how we can use this mantra: when we sit  down in our car, before we pick up the phone, right before we go through a door, when we go to work on whatever it is we are doing and most importantly when we are triggered...when we find ourselves bothered ( or with more practice ...right before we get bothered). Hmm! He said our commitment to our practice of letting go of little me with all its bothersome tendencies ( not in those words exactly) is the most important thing. 

Hmm!  I try to remind myself on a daily basis that my whole Life is one big practice of removing the layers on top of who I really am. Well that sounded very proactive and action oriented when it is more of an allowing and letting go of when the time comes. 

I am committed today to let go of whatever it is that comes up, disturbing me, as a reminder that it, and the "me" that gets disturbed,  needs to leave...so  the light of who I really am can grow and shine for the world to see. 

He also says that this daily practice is like we are buying moments of consciousness...until we are established in the Seat of Self. And he goes on to say that a great being doesn't get taught these things, it experiences them. 

I want to make anything that takes me closer to  being awake the most important purchase in my life.  I don't just want to be taught...I want to experience.  What about you?  

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe (April 27, 2023) The Practice of Being Conscious. https://tou.org/talks/

Hand in the Jar

 The monkey who doesn't care what is in the jar won't get caught.

Michael A. Singer 

I was so inspired by Michael Singer's talk today that this came out of me while I was listening. Again...not judging the poetry, just trying to appreciate what was brought up from the  depths of me through a zap of inspiration.  There is a wisdom inside all of us and sometimes all it takes is someone "out there" sharing their wisdom to trigger our own. (Well, it is One library of wisdom we all share and it often takes another to get us to utilize that service).  Michael A. Singer does that for the Self I am beneath this cover of "me". 

The Ring In the Jar

I was attracted to the sparkling  diamond set in  its golden bling,

so I slid my fingers down   into the jar to grab the shiny ring.

And as I held it in my palm,  my heart beat and lept with glee.

This wanted thing, I was so sure, would fulfill my needy me.

 I wrapped my fingers around it,  holding on with all my might

and with clenched fist began to pull it out the hole that suddenly was too tight.

I fought and struggled so determined to free and wear what I had won,

to show off my conquest,  my winner's  status, to each and everyone

I pulled and  twisted and pulled and twisted again and again and again

but no matter how hard I tried   with desperate breath, it was only when

I relaxed my fingers and let the cherished thing fall from my weary hold

sadly  watching  as I let go of hope, the sparkling diamond and the gold, 

that my hand was able to slide out from the jar and once again be free.

Choosing freedom over holding on to wanting, I knew, meant a letting go of me. 

© Dale-Lyn, April, 2023

Michael A. Singer ( April 30, 2023) Freeing Your Consciousness From the Limited Bubble Of Your Mind. https://tou.org/talks/

Waking Up to Truth

 Truth is exact correspondence with reality.

Yogananda

I often wake up in the middle of the night with some very clear thoughts in my head...more like instruction as to what I am to remember to write down the following day.  And it is always about my practice lately. I know it is important teaching I am receiving as I lay there and I am very grateful for the insight , even if I might not understand what it means or why I am to remember it at the time. So I tell myself...oh I will remember that and it if it is general information... I will remember it.  Sometimes , however, it is like a line of poetry or a beautifully written phrase on a chalk board, that I am to remember ...and I recite it and recite it and recite it in my head convinced that I couldn't forget something so beautiful and I get up in the  morning and I forget...sigh.  I need a notebook by my bed. Hope there isn't another "Paradise Lost" waiting to be written through me lol.  I don't know how Milton did it. (Of course, I am not comparing myself to Milton...it was a joke),

Anyway, I woke up to this:  When confronting the phenomena of  life...First, Know! Know if you are reacting or responding to what is and why?  What kind of an effect is it having on you, in terms of  pleasant, unpleasant or neutral? Are you judging it as good or bad; right or wrong; should be or shouldn't be? Why? What samskara is it triggering?  Know that this phenomena is just that phenomena...something passing through.  Know that Self is okay with all of it and if there is a problem with it is just your "little me" doing the complaining and that you don't have  to listen to your little me.

 Second, Feel it. Feel the emotions and sensations of  the phenomena as it passes through, as well as the feeling of the reaction of response you might be having .  We need to get out of the head to do that...to make it a feeling response we need to be free of the interference of thought and story.  Where in your body are you feeling it? Can you briefly, without detail, name the emotion you are experiencing...focus more on what that emotion feels like, than describing it or analyzing it. 

Finally, Experience! Allow yourself to just experience it all ...fully and completely. That experiencing is done without words or doing.  It is done by simply being. 

Hmm!  Well that is what came to me. Could just be my mind reacting to all the studying I have been doing, prepping me for some big exam that is coming up :) Still...when it tells me to write it down, I do.

All is well. 

Blossoming Into Okayness

 By letting go of what is not making you okay, you will be okay.

Michael A. Singer

I am looking outside at the little tree in front of my window and my heart opens with a certain joy.  As I see the green leafs emerging from its tips. I just feel so much love in my heart.    I am not sure why except it reminds me how amazing Life is.  Every year after a sometimes brutal winter, those leafs pop out from where they were hidden, begin to stretch and yawn, expand and grow until the whole tree is green and full of buzzing Life.  That is just amazing to watch.  

We do the same. We live for decades in a dormant state of false-safety, hiding away from imagined winter storms, beneath layers of frost and ice. The magic of who we are stays curled up in a little ball, hidden away,  until one day we just say,  "It's time"...and we begin to emerge, to wake up,  expanding and becoming more alive with every conscious breath we take, making ourselves and the world, better for doing so.

We wake up when we begin to practice being conscious every day. We let go of that which kept us hid and stuck and we begin the beautiful evolution of becoming who we really are, who we have always been. 

Well, it is spring out there now people.  It is time to do as my little tree is doing...It is time to let go of all that keeps us from being okay and time to simply be okay .

All is well. 

Cracks in the Ice

 I let people see the cracks in my life. We can't be phony. We got to keep it real.

Charles R. Swindoll

This blog tells me there was zero readers today and Google analytics tells me otherwise.  Why is that? 

I am so tired today...drained actually.  The chest thing which I am beginning to believe is a different manifestation of the heart thing...is draining me of physical energy.  And the bit of energy that is able to get through my blockages is seeping through my pores with every hot flash of transition and life circumstance I experience. The majority of this Shakti stuff , I know, is still blocked under some heavy duty samskara, circling around itself , creating a lot of energy underneath.  With the work I do in my practice ( why did I call it work?) and my prayer/intention to have it rise to the surface and wash the remnants of this broken me away, it is more determined to do that.  The energy below is getting stronger. The ice is cracking above the current,,,and there is a lot of rumbling going on ...Man... I can feel that rumbling...but the blockage  is still thick. 

I find my self, in whatever form I am...under the ice ...desperately crying for a good breath of air and the feel of warm sun on my skin.  It is just recently, however,  that I allowed myself to admit that is what I truly "want", to experience the fruition of that soul desire that has always been there. I have spent my life making the most of my "situation/situations",  working so hard to be brave...as I, a little "me", broken and afraid...but oh so hopeful...made the best of my so called "life" down here below the ice. I believed this was all there was. So I looked for and celebrated in any tiny bit of light that made it a little less dark in here. I braced myself and "hoped" my way through the very dark and cold times.There were many of those.  I lived like I was supposed  to create an image of strength for those down here with me as the ice above got thicker, and thicker and thicker...  " I should be, have to be, must be strong" I recited to myself. "I must grab and rejoice in any bit of happiness and peace I can find."  I felt great shame when I wasn't strong or happy, when fear dragged me deeper into the swirling trapped energies. But I thought that was my plight, my destiny...that there was nothing "more". I couldn't see what really needed to happen. Now I do. 

I don't want to live like that anymore!  I want to get rid of all the have-tos and just be free.   I am saying out loud to the Universe within mySelf :  "I don't want to do this anymore"...I want this Forking  ice off me...once and for all so that I can see this "me" that is doing all the suffering as nothing more than something in the way of  my true strength as Self. So I can see mySelf as the very water I feel trapped in because of the ice this "me" put there.  Imagine simply being that free flowing current? Of feeling the sun warming and brightening this Self without barriers and  the warm spring rains replenishing what I thought I lost but that truly never was lost...knowing it was always just absorbed and stored away in another form ( like precipitation in the clouds) . 

Anyway...I ramble this morning...not making sense. Something just pushing up through the cracks in the ice, I guess. I need to sit with whatever that is.

All is well.

A Ray Of Source

 To know yourself as consciousness is the most amazing liberation...not for the person, but a liberation from the person.

Eckhart Tolle

I love talks about consciousness, about what it is and what it is not...that is why I was drawn to the video linked below from Eckhart Tolle. 

This invisible realm, almost always distorted by religion and denied by scientists who are hooked on materiality, is invisible, yet so very, very real.   You cannot see consciousness, not even under a microscope.  It or its expression as thought, memory etc can not be found on dissection. You cannot touch it or taste it. Yet we know it is real. How? Because we are conscious. We are aware that we think, aware that we have memories.  Even when we sleep, consciousness does not go away.  We wake up knowing we were asleep, recalling, possibly, the dreams we had during the night.  In order to do that we had to be conscious right? Even when our senses were not picking up information. Consciousness, then,  is more than just a byproduct of our nervous system functioning. It is real but invisible. Even though it is invisible, and falls away from the natural laws of matter, we know consciousness exists because we are conscious. 

It goes beyond even that, though. We are not just conscious we are consciousness.  We are not just aware of what is happening around us or in us, we are awareness.

Say what, crazy lady?

Well like anything consciousness has to have a source, doesn't it? It has to come from somewhere.  Eckhart Tolle describes it this way: A ray of sun shines light on something so we can see it but it is simply an expression of, a part of, an emanation of the sun...its source. In the same way we are conscious, like that ray, because we are an emanation of consciousness, an expression of consciousness , a part of consciousness.  If we are a part of Something, are we not  that Something? The answer to that could be yes and no, right? If I have a pie in front of me and I cut you a piece...the piece I give you is still Pie, isn't it? It is pie but it isn't the whole pie. The Source from which that piece was taken, the whole pie,  is much greater and grander. Hmm! And unlike the piece of pie, the ray of sun does not make its source,  the Sun,  any lesser by extending from it , does it? Our being conscious does not make the Source any less because it is shining through us, does it? 

Consciousness and this invisible reality goes beyond duality. We are a just a part of consciousness and we are consciousness.  We are just a part of the universe, and we are the universe.

The greatest miracle is that the universe is conscious....I know that because I am conscious. 

The only thing in the way of us knowing that is this little dualistic sense of "me"...of 'self".  Knowing the truth of who we are can help this "me"  to get out of the way, so we can shine like the sun. 

All is well

Eckhart Tolle (August? , 2023) How to Get True Guidance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYCwYmk6248&t=549s

Writing

 The role of the writer is not to say what we can all say, but to say what we are unable to say.

Anais Nin

Chest pain persists, not working outside, back to doing yoga classes but not much else in terms of physicality. It is like Life is telling me I am meant to be writing. I am left with the ability, the  opportunity to spend my time here and it is exactly where I want to be. 

I have been writing and submitting...which is productive enough to sssh the Martha in me, isn't it? I have to ask myself this question when it comes to writing: Is being read by many all that important to me? When I submit, I submit not so much with that goal in mind but to simply complete the writing circle I created for myself.  That circle involves being inspired by some great 'healing' idea ( most of my writing centers around this concept of 'healing'), coming here...allowing whatever it is that wants to come out to come out, taking bits of citation from all the research notes I collected over the years and adding them if and where they fit, using the intellectual mind to rearrange the thoughts and concepts in a relatable way, and then I create a draft, then another and another...I do all this before I am ready to submit, even a proposal. I then do my market research...I choose about 8 publishers at a time, readjust the query or proposal to those requested submission guide lines each publisher wants and I submit.  Once I click "send", I am done. I have completed my circle knowing that I have sent what I have written to one reader...the acquisitions editor.  I have done what I can do.  I do not sit around wringing my hands waiting.  Most times, I completely forget that I have something 'out there'. It is out of my hands.  Hmm!

As far as this blog...I obviously do not care about being read by many.  I am not sure about what is going on with it...going from 100 readers to less than ten a day? The last 20 entries have not been read and what does get read, according to statistics, is stuff dragged up from years ago? Those that I know that used to read me tell me they cannot "find me" anymore?  I am not promoting or pushing...have not been since the beginning.  If I write something that gets published I will refer the reader here in my bio so they know who it was that wrote that article. I do not expect them or need them, however,  to become a "fan" of what I do here. I just need to be real and let them know who I am. For me, it is all about keeping it real...all else is out of my hands.

I do not "feel" that my job is to ensure I get read...to ensure that people are pleased with my writing. It isn't about collecting 'many' readers My job is to simply write...to allow what is inside me to come out. Whatever that is ,  is bigger than "me. " 

Sure ego wants more but but I want less ego. :) 

All is well.

Messed Up from Samskaras? And a Letter to Michael Singer

The disturbance that we create about something that happened is more disturbing than the original thing that disturbed us...

Michael A. Singer (Somewhat paraphrased)

So, serendipity again. I opened up to Michael Singer's podcast entitled, "Spirituality- Releasing the Root Cause of Inner Disturbance." Isn't that what I wrote about yesterday? 

I really, really want to talk to this man lol.  I don't know him or have any idea what he is like as a human person but I feel like we are on the same wave length in some way I don't understand.  I get his message so clearly.  It is uncanny but I get what he is saying as if it was already programmed in my mind. I would just love to have a convo with him about Life.  I don't want to make him, as a body and mind...a human...my guru or anything like that but I do see him as a teacher.  I can and have  learned from him and I am so grateful for that but I also feel like I could share with him this knowing that has come to me, as well. (Even though he is likely much  wiser and more evolved than I will ever be in this life time)   I really feel the urge to connect with him.  Since  that is unlikely to happen in the bigger scheme of things, I would like to write him a letter...maybe.

Hmm! I am going to write him a letter right here and send it out ...I will let Life decide form here where it goes. 

Dear Michael Singer,

I am writing to thank you for sharing your beautiful free flowing Shakti with the world through your books and podcasts. I am not going to call myself a "fan" because I want to believe we have both evolved beyond that point,  but I do call myself a very appreciative and receptive student of your  teaching. So thank you for doing what you do and for being who you are. 

 I  want you to know that I can truly relate to the way you teach the  ancient wisdom I have been studying and practicing  for years. Your personal approach has opened me up to that which I already knew, (that which we all already know), in ways I never thought possible.  I am so grateful for that.

In my desire to share with you my own understanding, gained more so from experience and inner reflection than my studying of scripture and teachings from very wise beings, including yourself, I am writing this letter.  Chances are, we may never have the chance to sit at a table together over tea discussing the wonders of Life and awakening, like the great philosophers of the world have done [ not calling myself great lol]. This is all I can think to do in lieu of that. I feel the need to connect.

I have read your books and I listen to your talks from The Temple of the Universe 2-3 times a week. They have become a part of my morning practice. I listen, reflect, write notes, debate and test out your teachings. Then I write about what I learn. I always write about what I learn.  Though I have studied Yoga and other teachings for years and what you share is not new to me...it resonates in a new and profound way. It inspires me to go on learning, to go on opening up. 

Anyway you said something today that hit home and led me to imagine what I would say to you about it  if we were casually sitting over a cup of tea.  

The disturbance that we create in our minds about something that happened, is more disturbing than the original thing that disturbed us...(somewhat paraphrased)

This is what I would share with you:

I agree this is true for about 75 % of our samskaras. Maybe not in trauma wounding, though? Some trauma pain is very, very big for the psyche to digest. We often attempt to diminish that pain small enough so we can stuff and store it. We fold it up like a pair of PJs we are packing away (Marie Kondo style) under a bunch of other stuff...but trauma pain  is often much bigger than its folded, tucked away size. So I would have to say the disturbance created by past trauma is much bigger than anything the present mind can do with it.  In fact, the mind often does not know what to do with trauma pain. It shuts down.

Of course all the trigger pains we store in relation to it are usually smaller than the bothersomeness we get from it. And it is true...the time we spend in actual trauma is much shorter than the time we spend dealing with it(usually in unwholesome ways) outside the trauma. For example, the person and situations responsible for the trauma and original wounding was only in my life for 14 years but I spent the next 46 years attempting to deal with what was done to that child I was then. 46 years is a lot longer than 14. What an unnecessary waste of precious time, that could have been spent embracing life fully and happily. If only I was able to let it go as soon as it came in. If only I knew then what I know now. 

 But the original wounding was so big and so intense for even the mind to react to it...it had to shut down whenever it got close to it. The trauma was bigger than anything my mind could have done with it.  The disturbance I felt when the mind got close to it, when it was triggered or pushed in that direction, however, was far bigger than the trigger that took me there. But the trauma disturbance was bigger than them all  :) 

I am writing a book, inspired by your teachings, about samskara release in regards to trauma. I can see where our approaches differ...You are presently, in your wonderful teaching, addressing  dealing with low hanging fruit  while I am addressing how to deal with the buried roots of the Redwood tree :).  You are gradually taking the reader to the roots of the fruit tree and I am standing with them near the trunk of the world's biggest tree, handing them a shovel and saying, "Dig!"  

It all boils down to the same thing: letting go!!! It involves the same process of realizing there is a mess inside and that nothing out there is going to fix it...going inward to take responsibility for the  mess...relaxing instead of resisting...allowing the samskaras to come up...not pushing them back down and eventually letting them go.  Of course, we know that what was stored in pain, comes up in pain. Most pain from samskara release, though unpleasant, we can handle. So we may say, "Bring  on the sore belly and the nausea.  Let me puke the poison out . ( Sorry...the nurse in me is suddenly doing the explaining, lol) 

Trauma pain, however, can be  little more caustic than other stored pain when it comes back up. It can do even more damage on its way out then what was done on its way in, if we are not careful.  A child that ingested a poison such as chlorine needs a different poison control approach than a child who ingested something that won't burn and do more damage coming back up, right?  The pain of stored trauma can burn through the esophagus of the psyche if it comes up without a buffer. In both cases the poison has to come up and out but in the past I would not  give syrup of ipecac to the child who drank the bleach, where I might have given  it to the child that took the sleeping pills. I , acting on what I was taught then, (though this rationale is not used anymore,)  would think the child that swallowed the pills needs to vomit them up and it won't hurt them to do so.  It will be unpleasant...yes...the belly will hurt and the nausea will suck but it won't last forever. They will soon be poison free and feel much better.  I would not have induced vomiting in the other child. I would more likely need the order and support of a team to buffer the expulsion of poison, with charcoal maybe,  for the child whose ingested substance was so caustic and corrosive. Some unprocessed trauma pain is caustic and corrosive. 

So, when it comes to releasing the samskaras of trauma...we do need a more careful approach. Oh heck yes...we want those blockages  out of us...but we need to buffer that release. I know Life and consciousness will naturally take care of the release when we are ready but it might benefit to have a good personal and professional support system around when that mind burning stuff comes back up. Especially if we have not yet evolved to the point where we are able to handle it.

Enlightenment, is probably the greatest buffer, would you say? It is, however, a slow process for some of us who want healing.  I am personally prioritizing my Self-realization, in hope that the big stuff (that I know is in there but that mind won't let me remember) won't make its way back out until I am ready. I am dealing with all the "low hanging fruit" as best as I can and rejoicing in the release of some of the deeper stored stuff that isn't so caustic as it comes up . But I know that the biggest, deepest  blockage is still in me. There is a big burning hot red coal of samskara in there that I need to prepare my body and mind for before it is expelled. So I do find myself questioning, "What am I going to do about that?"  

It isn't about "me", though, is it; it isn't about  when "me"  is ready, is it? I did my part here, and do my part everyday when I profess my willingness to relax, release and let go of my blockages.I am willing to open up and release, I truly, truly am. I can buffer the release. I certainly can but then I have to trust that Life will take care of the rest,  Thy Will, not 'my will'  be done.   I need to get that poison out of this body and mind I am using for the time being but maybe it isn't so much about "me" getting it out and more about trusting and allowing it to just happen in a gentle and effective way.

Anyway, thankyou for providing a learning platform for this mind  to question and reflect as I learn, grow , heal and eventually get out of the way. so that the something-much greater,  you enemate, can shine through. Thank you for your teaching.

May you be well,

Well that  is what came out of me.  Maybe every week I will write a letter to great teachers,  be they dead or alive, about  something they said that made me go off on a ramble lol. Man. me and my rambles.  It is a good thing I am not sitting across with the great thinkers of the world having tea, like I dream about being able to do.  After a few minutes of my rambling, even the  most evolved  would be trying to drown themselves in their cups lol. 

All is well.