Dear Yogananda

 To lay aside what you have in your head (selfish desires and ambitions); to freely bestow what you have in your hand; and never to flinch from the blows of adversity.

Yogananda, Autobiography of a Yogi.

Dear Yogananda,

I know you have left this planet years ago leaving behind your teachings, many believers and your autobiography that I am presently reading....but still, I wish to address you as if you were still here in earthly form. I want to reach out to the great minds of this world...not for answers from you  but for answers in me. I am hoping the reader will bare with me on this silly little venture.

Though I have been practicing a rudimentary form of yoga for years, as well as,  meditating and teaching, I can not , by any means, profess to know Yoga. The more I read of your autobiography, the less, I realize, I know.  I question if I am a true yogi. 

What I want from yoga may differ from what a true yogi seeks? I chose the above quote for my entry today because it is something  said that I can relate to. It is  what I am obviously seeking in my own practice.  I want to lay aside what is in my head, this idea of "me" with its preferences,  that is often so noisy and distracting, as well as suffering inducing.  I want to give away all I have to give to the world: my gifts, talents, learning,  light, peace.  I also want to stand strong in the face of challenge or adversity...to not be bothered by anything. I want peace and freedom from suffering for myself and others. That is my yogic  goal. This is proving to be no easy feat to master.  I am committed but struggling with this part of yoga. Yet, I know from what you and others teach, Yoga is  about achieving so much more than that. It is about achieving states  I can barely even imagine, let alone seek for myself.  

You, among the gurus you write about, through the practice of kriya yoga, have attained this minimum I am seeking  and so, so much more.  You have reached Samadhi and have thusly been blessed with the Bliss of a free flowing Shakti and then even the siddhis....the highest achievements of a Yogi.... supernatural power.  I must admit, I have a hard time with this idea of finding Bliss, let alone supernatural powers.  I can not wrap my head around the concept of "Siddhis" ...It is too "Harry Potter" for me and thusly it is a part of yoga I do not actively seek to attain. It seems too far out for me to even think of, let alone go after. In fact, to this "me" that is still in the way of my freedom, finding peace is a challenging enough goal. Bliss seems so far away, even though I have been taught, over and over again, that bliss is a natural state of being and once we free ourselves from the "me" and all its samskaras, it will flow beautifully and abundantly....I find it hard to actively seek it.  Freedom from fear seems like a wonderful and amazing thing, on its own, and  I would be so happy to attain just that. It seems like enough. Peace seems like enough.  Bliss seems like an over reach at this point in my life.  Does that make me a bad yogi? 

In your autobiography you  speak of things like your own precognizance...your ability to see things in the future happening before they happen.  That one is somewhat easier to swallow because it seems to happen to me from time to time...though  my  mind,  a part of this still  sticky "me", is skeptical.   Then you speak of seeing those that have passed on, the rematerialization of gurus from one place and time to another, the eternal, never changing youthfulness of Babaji  and the Christ-like Life of your guru, Lahiri Mahasaya. I, as a Christian, was raised on a belief in Christ's miraculous powers and it makes sense that if  these powers were real, they would not be limited to one being on a selective religious basis. But my mind questions: Are they real? My mind questions but my heart says yes, for some reason.  Is that because I want them to be real or is it that a part of me, beneath my skeptical mind, knows they are? So there is a certain degree of "woo-woo" in yoga I am just trying to get around.

In my trying to get around it, I do my best to ignore the 8th limb of yoga practice and I carry on with all the rest in a somewhat committed way.  Self-realization and freedom from "me" is my goal.  Is that enough for now? 

Anyway, I want to thank you for sharing your light and free flowing Shakti with the world.  I look forward to reading more about you in Autobiography of a Yogi.

Sincerely,

The "I" beneath the "me" in this form that is writing

Well that is what came out of me when I imagined addressing Yogananda.  Certainly somethings to think about. 

All is well