Life is like an onion: You peel off layer after layer and then you find out there is nothing in it.
James Huneker
If you read my entry yesterday, you may have walked away bored to tears or at least confused. I was on a rant, I guess, trying to explain some insights I was gaining as I sat in the Seat of Witness Consciousness. It is a cool place to sit and from here things are kind of interesting and amazing, albeit...still painful. From here I am not lost in what I am experiencing...certainly feeling and experiencing it...but disengaged somewhat. I can relax as I watch. I see what is going on around me and in me...and at the same time I am very much aware that it and this "me" isn't who I am. I see that there is Something Greater watching and Observing. That Observer, I am beginning to realize, is who I really am.
Not Enlightened!
In this process of waking up, my observing tendency, doesn't mean I am enlightened...far from it. It simply means I am on the path. How far I get on this journey and where it will take me, I don't know. I don't even know exactly what it is I am looking for. I don't know what is "in here" beneath it all. I just want to get beneath all this junk that is causing so much strife for "me"...that I see causing so much strife for others who are also buried under their stuff...regardless of what will be there when all the layers are peeled away. It is very much a self centered little mission at this point...
What is under the peeled away layers?
So what is this thing that is there under all the layers? Consciousness?
The greatest mystery of the world is consciousness. It is the most important part of your being. Take every thing away and it is the thing that remains aware that it is happening. (Somewhat paraphrased).
Hmm! So I asked the question yesterday: If you peel all the layers off an onion, do you still have an onion? What is left is "nothing", right? No- thing but empty space, what the Yogis would call Akash. What is in this Akash? Consciousness, awareness...that which we are? I don't know.
"Onion" was just a word used to describe the form from which the Akash emerged or what was left after the form layers were peeled away. "Me" is just a word to describe all these layers over consciousness? Is conscious Akash what is in us when we peel away the form layers of thought, beliefs, feeling, story, roles, ego, personality and all that which lays beneath the image- and then beneath the broken "little me" and its problems, likes and dislikes? I don't know...but I want to find out. Do you?
Why I seek
Why do I want to find out? Because I want to be a spiritual and fully enlightened being? No...I honestly don't truly know what those words mean and what they entail. They are just words. I just want to stop suffering! I know, now, intuitively more than conceptually, that the only way out is through. Nothing "out there" is going to take away this suffering for me or anyone else in the world. It is an inside game. There is peace in here...I know there is! How or why I know...I can't say...I just know there is. I have had precious glimpses of it. I know I have to get through each layer of protection, stored memory and junk , peeling one layer away at a time to get to this peace. I guess I am digging my way to Akash...though I wouldn't use that terminology. I am just breathing my way to peace. I am digging my way to Who I really am (which may be nothing more than space) beneath all this junk I stuffed on top of it. My motive is very selfish, at the same time, I know intuitively it is the least selfish thing I can do.
I know...I know. It doesn't make a lick of sense but man oh man, I am 100 % committed to this something that doesn't make sense.
Only Beginning
From the below podcast, I am reminded that I am just on the first lag of this journey. If I am still seeking what lays beneath the layers mind built around this thing I call "me" ...which Singer calls "consciousness"....I have a long way to go yet. What we really want, he tells us, whether we know it or not, is to return to the Source of Consciousness, that many of us would call God. We take this light of consciousness that we are shining on the world around us and on our little self ( which I am doing...I am narrowing the beam of light to observe this "me" being peeled away one layer at a time...that is my focus) and we shine it on Itself. Consciousness must turn to Observe consciousness.
Huh? How does a light shine on Itself without a mirror reflection ? I haven't figured that one out yet...lol...will get back to you.
How?
Step One: Observe the Layers
We can start by removing our light from the distractions around us. We are told we are the light. We are told we are already in a state of peace ( actually in a much greater state than peace according to yogic teachings..."Sat Chit ananda") but we can not see who we are, what is there at the core of us because we are so busy being distracted by the likes and dislikes and the so called problems of this "little me" we created. Most of us are not even aware we are "caught up" in those layers...not seeing the possibility that there may be more than this. So attention is often caught up in the layers, in preserving them, so we don't have to experience the pain of the ones beneath. We are not doing this consciously but reactively. We are lost in a dream.
Step Two: Question if there is more to Life than these layers.
Then we may begin to realize that there might be more to us than these layers. Maybe Life comes around and rips one layer off and you are left with the sting of it but realize that you didn't stop being because that layer of "me" did.
Step Three: Realizing that Building Layers and Outside Protection Doesn't stop Suffering
We start to become aware that we are suffering and that building layers n top of our suffering is not the answer. We see a certain light flickering in the direction of us and what we have been doing. We are still at this point attached to our layers and doing what we can to protect them.
Step Four: Be Willing to Have the Layers Peeled Off
Even when we realize that folly of that, like I have done, and willingly agree to have the rest of the layers pulled off...our attention, this light's focus, is still on something other than Itself. . Me is still around...me is still causing pain and problems...even more so now that it is being so tortured by the amputation of each layer. The light shines on the dissolving of each layer of the "me"....which is a big wonderful step forward...but it isn't finished there .
Step Five: Stop Being Distracted From The Seat of Self
I have not realized Self yet. This light is still far from the point where it can, through "my" will, shine on Itself and where all else is dissolved into that light. I am far from enlightened. I still suffer and react and get lost. I still feel the sting of layer removal and have no idea what I am going to find when all layers are removed. I just know I want them gone! I am still being distracted.
"I am being distracted from my Seat of Self. How do I learn to not be distracted?"
Step Six: Train the mind to handle reality
Good question! Michael Singer reminds us we are capable of training our minds to handle reality. We need to learn to handle "what is" without the pseudo protection the layers of "me" have given us which in themselves are forms of resistance. We stop resisting Life and we start relaxing and releasing with everything She gives us.
Step Seven: Know where your light is shining
And I believe we need to keep asking, "Where am I shining the light of consciousness? Am I shining it on what is real ( Life doing what Life does) or unreal ( all the mental modifications in my mind...all these unhealthy layers I may be trying to preserve)? Am I shining it on the Subject ( that which is watching) or on objects( that which is being watched)? We cannot change the nature of the objects but we can tap into the nature of the Subject. "
Step Eight: Keep Peeling Away
I believe we need to ask, as well: "What are these layers of "little me" I have hid this light under? Am I willing to remove this one? How does that feel? What is that like? What is under this layer? Am I seeing clearer? What about this layer? Am I willing to remove this one even though it might be painful and scary and I have no idea what I will find underneath it? What does that feel like? What is there under it? Can I relax and release into this underlying layer? How am I seeing now? Any clearer? " etc etc etc until each layer is removed.
It really isn't a complicated process but when one goes to explain it, it seems so complicated.
Anyway, once again, I am rambling. Hope I made enough sense for someone, somewhere to get something from this.
All is well
Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe (May 22, 2023) Freeing Consciousness- The Path From Liberation. https://tou.org/talks/
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