Be careful with, "I am"

 

I am before, during and after all conditions.  I am a constant never altered by the temporal. I am!

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, PhD

So I awoke in the wee hours knowing that I would discuss the use of "I am" this morning.  I am? Yes, 'I am'...how we mindlessly use it in context to what is unfolding around us or through us and how it can trap us . 

I went to bed with this thought pounding in my head, "I am not doing good."  That, besides the incorrect use of english, is a misuse of words and concepts.  The mind, still overly dependent on words and concepts, will swallow that whole and it will become, if I am not careful, another "belief" in my subconscious mind. Many of us are constantly attaching the temporary fleeting experiences of life to this eternal beingness of ' I am' in a mindless and unwholesome way.

" I am not doing good."

...not doing good?

Before we get to "I am",  lets look at the tail end of that sentence: "not doing good" These words are about  what I am experiencing  in comparable terms on the physical/mental health and productivity social scale of things. At the time of their occurence, I was not feeling well physically.  I was not feeling well emotionally. I felt lethargic and down.   I was thinking of all the things I had to do to "keep up" and that I have yet to start. Though,  I am aware how I have been successfully peeling off one unhealthy layer after the other, I recognized last night how many more layers I had to peel off ...and how tired I felt at that moment of realization. It was then, the statement came to my mind.  It was repeated again and again...

Why was the tail end of the statement  unwholesome?

First of all, it was obviously a negative statement brought on by my consciousness focusing on what was 'not good' about my experience then. The statement affected me negatively...bringing on guilt and shame for not "doing better". The repeated use of it kept  consciousness focusing down into the muck of human experience rather than where it could shine.  The more I uttered it, the more I believed it.  The more I believed it the more it got cemented in my subconscious mind as a core belief. The more core it was, the worse I felt.  The statement negates all the good I have done and focuses on what is not right.  It, by itself, was unwholesome.

It became even more unwholesome and damaging when I attached it to "I am".

Why?

It was not truth...This experience was not who I was or am...it was just something I was having.  What I have and what I am are too different things.  I was having an experience of "not doing good".  "Not doing good" is not my identity, it isn't who I am. 

When we use the term 'I am',  we also  negate the temporary nature of passing phenomena.  'I am' is an eternal and permanent state of being. My "not doing good" was temporary and fleeting but when I attach it to 'I am', I am connecting it to something that will not pass.  All phenomena is meant to be observed, experienced and then let go of.  It is meant to pass through us.  When I attach the permanence of "I am" to it...it doesn't pass through.  It gets stuck inside us as part of "me" identity.

Most importantly, this mindlessly spoken statement diminishes the essence of "I am"; it diminishes who we are.  'I am' is pointing to who we are beyond our temporary human experiences...to the witness consciousness, the light that shines on the phenomena and experiences that unfold around us and pass through us. This  is not those experiences; we are not those experiences . 'I am' is so much more; we are so much more .  This light  could be shining on so much more.  This experience of "not doing good" was very low and limited energy condition.  When I used the statement repeatedly, I was using  this wonderful light of pure consciousness and focusing it on this temporary and low energy condition of "not doing good", at the exclusion of all the other things it could be focusing on. I was diminishing it and therefore diminishing the Life I was having in that moment.  Hmm!

I use this example as a reminder to be careful about what we attach "I am" to.  Though these are all just concepts and in themselves meaningless,  as long as the mind ascribes to them , we need to be careful. Use 'I am' only  for things like..."I am peace; I am love; I am light!" etc and 'I have' for the others. 

All is well.