Leaving the Destination to Find Another Way to Get There

 

Every breath we take, every step we make, can be filled with peace, joy, and serenity.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Oh the mind is a strange and twisted thing! Well, at least mine is lol. I am finding it so interesting to watch this crazy mind of mine in action. After my entry  today about desiring, I felt almost free of the need for desire. I understood, once again through my self reflection, that desire would only take me away from this moment and this moment was more than enough as it was. 

 After a nice long meditation, D. and I took the dogs for a walk in the woods.  It was an absolutely beautiful May afternoon. As we were walking, the sun was shining, the breeze was blowing and  I was looking at the world around me amazed by the absolute beauty of it all. It all seemed so perfect. Suddenly,  I began to feel so connected to the earth and the path below me that I was walking on.  This smile came over my face for no reason. I just felt so happy.  Everything in life was good just as it was.  It was a truly lovely feeling. I thought..."OMG...this is it ...this is what unconditional peace feels like...this is what I have been really looking for from all those things I was desiring. This is amazing."  I didn't want to talk with D. as we walked I just wanted to bathe in this feeling I was having. 

That is until this little voice in my head began to talk, " Wow! This is nice that you are feeling this way.  Things are turning around aren't they?  Your spiritual stuff is working.  Your manifesting a bit of that peace you always pray for.  Hmmm!  Maybe that means your life is turning around for the better.  ....Maybe this is a sign that things are going to change for you.  Maybe the kids are going to be okay.  May be the money is going to come in.  Maybe your book is going to get published after all."  I began to visualize a publisher calling me on the phone to tell me they wanted to sign me.  I was having the full out  conversation in my head... 

And suddenly "Cuttt!!".I caught myself!  I could suddenly see what I was doing. There  I was savoring the most peaceful experiences I ever had, one that had no conditions attached to it...just enjoying life exactly as it was...not needing it to be any different, not caring if  it was ...I was experiencing real peace directly!  But  I left that experience  to run after a thought based on desires for things I erroneously believed, all my life,  would bring that same  feeling to me. It was like arriving at the destination you always wanted to be at and turning around to go find another , longer way to get there, a way that would only get one lost. I was having the direct experience of peace  and I left that experience  for  thoughts about the indirect and round about way to get that experience of peace. How ironic and crazy is that? 

I quickly brought myself back to breath, to the feeling of my feet hitting the path, the sound of the wind and the feel of the warm breeze on my skin. I found that feeling again within me but it was not as intense as it was. That's okay! I now know it is in me waiting :) . Besides... the learning I received today was invaluable. I have to chuckle over just how silly this mind can be.

All is well!