The disturbance that we create about something that happened is more disturbing than the original thing that disturbed us...
Michael A. Singer (Somewhat paraphrased)
So, serendipity again. I opened up to Michael Singer's podcast entitled, "Spirituality- Releasing the Root Cause of Inner Disturbance." Isn't that what I wrote about yesterday?
I really, really want to talk to this man lol. I don't know him or have any idea what he is like as a human person but I feel like we are on the same wave length in some way I don't understand. I get his message so clearly. It is uncanny but I get what he is saying as if it was already programmed in my mind. I would just love to have a convo with him about Life. I don't want to make him, as a body and mind...a human...my guru or anything like that but I do see him as a teacher. I can and have learned from him and I am so grateful for that but I also feel like I could share with him this knowing that has come to me, as well. (Even though he is likely much wiser and more evolved than I will ever be in this life time) I really feel the urge to connect with him. Since that is unlikely to happen in the bigger scheme of things, I would like to write him a letter...maybe.
Hmm! I am going to write him a letter right here and send it out ...I will let Life decide form here where it goes.
Dear Michael Singer,
I am writing to thank you for sharing your beautiful free flowing Shakti with the world through your books and podcasts. I am not going to call myself a "fan" because I want to believe we have both evolved beyond that point, but I do call myself a very appreciative and receptive student of your teaching. So thank you for doing what you do and for being who you are.
I want you to know that I can truly relate to the way you teach the ancient wisdom I have been studying and practicing for years. Your personal approach has opened me up to that which I already knew, (that which we all already know), in ways I never thought possible. I am so grateful for that.
In my desire to share with you my own understanding, gained more so from experience and inner reflection than my studying of scripture and teachings from very wise beings, including yourself, I am writing this letter. Chances are, we may never have the chance to sit at a table together over tea discussing the wonders of Life and awakening, like the great philosophers of the world have done [ not calling myself great lol]. This is all I can think to do in lieu of that. I feel the need to connect.
I have read your books and I listen to your talks from The Temple of the Universe 2-3 times a week. They have become a part of my morning practice. I listen, reflect, write notes, debate and test out your teachings. Then I write about what I learn. I always write about what I learn. Though I have studied Yoga and other teachings for years and what you share is not new to me...it resonates in a new and profound way. It inspires me to go on learning, to go on opening up.
Anyway you said something today that hit home and led me to imagine what I would say to you about it if we were casually sitting over a cup of tea.
The disturbance that we create in our minds about something that happened, is more disturbing than the original thing that disturbed us...(somewhat paraphrased)
This is what I would share with you:
I agree this is true for about 75 % of our samskaras. Maybe not in trauma wounding, though? Some trauma pain is very, very big for the psyche to digest. We often attempt to diminish that pain small enough so we can stuff and store it. We fold it up like a pair of PJs we are packing away (Marie Kondo style) under a bunch of other stuff...but trauma pain is often much bigger than its folded, tucked away size. So I would have to say the disturbance created by past trauma is much bigger than anything the present mind can do with it. In fact, the mind often does not know what to do with trauma pain. It shuts down.
Of course all the trigger pains we store in relation to it are usually smaller than the bothersomeness we get from it. And it is true...the time we spend in actual trauma is much shorter than the time we spend dealing with it(usually in unwholesome ways) outside the trauma. For example, the person and situations responsible for the trauma and original wounding was only in my life for 14 years but I spent the next 46 years attempting to deal with what was done to that child I was then. 46 years is a lot longer than 14. What an unnecessary waste of precious time, that could have been spent embracing life fully and happily. If only I was able to let it go as soon as it came in. If only I knew then what I know now.
But the original wounding was so big and so intense for even the mind to react to it...it had to shut down whenever it got close to it. The trauma was bigger than anything my mind could have done with it. The disturbance I felt when the mind got close to it, when it was triggered or pushed in that direction, however, was far bigger than the trigger that took me there. But the trauma disturbance was bigger than them all :)
I am writing a book, inspired by your teachings, about samskara release in regards to trauma. I can see where our approaches differ...You are presently, in your wonderful teaching, addressing dealing with low hanging fruit while I am addressing how to deal with the buried roots of the Redwood tree :). You are gradually taking the reader to the roots of the fruit tree and I am standing with them near the trunk of the world's biggest tree, handing them a shovel and saying, "Dig!"
It all boils down to the same thing: letting go!!! It involves the same process of realizing there is a mess inside and that nothing out there is going to fix it...going inward to take responsibility for the mess...relaxing instead of resisting...allowing the samskaras to come up...not pushing them back down and eventually letting them go. Of course, we know that what was stored in pain, comes up in pain. Most pain from samskara release, though unpleasant, we can handle. So we may say, "Bring on the sore belly and the nausea. Let me puke the poison out . ( Sorry...the nurse in me is suddenly doing the explaining, lol)
Trauma pain, however, can be little more caustic than other stored pain when it comes back up. It can do even more damage on its way out then what was done on its way in, if we are not careful. A child that ingested a poison such as chlorine needs a different poison control approach than a child who ingested something that won't burn and do more damage coming back up, right? The pain of stored trauma can burn through the esophagus of the psyche if it comes up without a buffer. In both cases the poison has to come up and out but in the past I would not give syrup of ipecac to the child who drank the bleach, where I might have given it to the child that took the sleeping pills. I , acting on what I was taught then, (though this rationale is not used anymore,) would think the child that swallowed the pills needs to vomit them up and it won't hurt them to do so. It will be unpleasant...yes...the belly will hurt and the nausea will suck but it won't last forever. They will soon be poison free and feel much better. I would not have induced vomiting in the other child. I would more likely need the order and support of a team to buffer the expulsion of poison, with charcoal maybe, for the child whose ingested substance was so caustic and corrosive. Some unprocessed trauma pain is caustic and corrosive.
So, when it comes to releasing the samskaras of trauma...we do need a more careful approach. Oh heck yes...we want those blockages out of us...but we need to buffer that release. I know Life and consciousness will naturally take care of the release when we are ready but it might benefit to have a good personal and professional support system around when that mind burning stuff comes back up. Especially if we have not yet evolved to the point where we are able to handle it.
Enlightenment, is probably the greatest buffer, would you say? It is, however, a slow process for some of us who want healing. I am personally prioritizing my Self-realization, in hope that the big stuff (that I know is in there but that mind won't let me remember) won't make its way back out until I am ready. I am dealing with all the "low hanging fruit" as best as I can and rejoicing in the release of some of the deeper stored stuff that isn't so caustic as it comes up . But I know that the biggest, deepest blockage is still in me. There is a big burning hot red coal of samskara in there that I need to prepare my body and mind for before it is expelled. So I do find myself questioning, "What am I going to do about that?"
It isn't about "me", though, is it; it isn't about when "me" is ready, is it? I did my part here, and do my part everyday when I profess my willingness to relax, release and let go of my blockages.I am willing to open up and release, I truly, truly am. I can buffer the release. I certainly can but then I have to trust that Life will take care of the rest, Thy Will, not 'my will' be done. I need to get that poison out of this body and mind I am using for the time being but maybe it isn't so much about "me" getting it out and more about trusting and allowing it to just happen in a gentle and effective way.
Anyway, thankyou for providing a learning platform for this mind to question and reflect as I learn, grow , heal and eventually get out of the way. so that the something-much greater, you enemate, can shine through. Thank you for your teaching.
May you be well,
Well that is what came out of me. Maybe every week I will write a letter to great teachers, be they dead or alive, about something they said that made me go off on a ramble lol. Man. me and my rambles. It is a good thing I am not sitting across with the great thinkers of the world having tea, like I dream about being able to do. After a few minutes of my rambling, even the most evolved would be trying to drown themselves in their cups lol.
All is well.
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