As long as fear is driving your life, you don't have one.
Michael A. Singer
Life is sooo scary and hard!
Life is not meant to be a frightening challenging thing.
It isn't?
No, Life is just a platform for learning and growing. Fear gets in the way of you seeing that and experiencing that.
Fear? What does fear have to do with what happens to me? Fear is normal, It serves a purpose. doesn't it?
Sure...for the Gazelle on the Serengeti it serves a vital purpose. It keeps it alert and on guard for predators so it can act in an instant. Fear keeps the Gazelle alive. But you are not an animal on the Serengeti Plains, are you? You are from a much more evolved species in a much more controlled and safe environment. You no longer have that constant threat to your physical survival looming over you, do you? Yet you still spend your days on hyper alert, waiting and watching for some predator to come and swoop you away, as if there is always a pride of hungry lions hiding in the grass. You spend so so much energy, so much effort hiding away , analyzing your environment, doing what you can to keep the grass from growing around you so you can see clearly at all times and by being ready to run at the faintest flick or twitch.
That's crazy. I know I am living in a lion free zone.
Do you? Your cortisol levels are high enough to prove differently. Your sympathetic nervous system, always ready to send a surge of adrenaline through you, is very similar to the vulnerable Gazelle's . All it takes is that phone to ring , for that person to address you in a certain way, for the world to expect something from you, to make your ears go up, your pupils to dilate and your heart to thump wildly in your chest as your muscles prepare to fight, freeze or flee. You are always looking for and finding signals from your environment that tell you its time to act/react. Your mind jumps in with: "You are up. Do Something!" and you suddenly find yourself standing naked and exposed in a circle of potential predators. The lions are the other people out there that may judge you, reject you, hurt you with their cutting words and squeezing pressure. The lions are the circumstances that seem so much bigger and more ferocious than you, leaving you feeling helpless in your vulnerability. The biggest lions are the ones in your head. No, there are no hungry predators waiting to eat you , but your mind and your body believe and act as if there is. What you are experiencing is not a threat to your physical survival, but a threat to your psychosocial survival?
Psychosocial survival? Why would I react so strongly to threats to my psychological and social well being? That won't kill me.
Because this "me" you created in your mind is the most important thing to you. It is where you focus all your attention. You think you are it. You feel the need to do anything you can to protect it. All your energy goes to building and making it stronger and the world safer and more compatible with it so it endures, because you fear you will be nothing without it.
Huh? What the fork are you talking about, crazy lady?
Well you see yourself, as does most the population, as the particular body and personality that has your name, your job, your family role, and your personality. You see "self" as the body, mind and personality that lived a particular story, lives in a particular house ( or doesn't), drives a particular car ( or doesn't), earns money in a particular way ( or doesn't). The survival and well being of of this "me", you are so sure, depends on how strong and well buffered it is...its ability to stand up to the psychosocial lions. The preservation of your psychosocial identity depends on your ability to fight or get away from all those unpleasant and potentially threatening things out there in your psychosocial world.
What makes certain things threatening to this idea of "me"?
Anything that makes you "uncomfortable" inside...anything that reminds you that under all these protective , but useless, shells of "me"ness, you are not okay inside.
Not okay inside?
No, you are not okay inside. What happens out here is really not the problem you are so hypervigilant about running from or protecting yourself against. The problem isn't even "out here". It is "in there". The problem is that in you...you stored some nasty junk. In your past, you may have experienced natural and real terror after being tossed around in the proverbial lion's jaws. Instead of allowing that very natural fear to arise in you and pass through you, you may have pushed it all down. So even when you got away from the lion and were free you didn't shake and tremble off the remaining adrenaline and cortisol as the Gazelle would have done...you stuffed it all down and in. You didn't release it and let it go. You stuffed the painful experience inside. It created a big knot of pain within you. Now you do not want to feel or aggravate this painful knot. You do not want to experience that pain again. You spend the rest of your life in fear that it will get poked and disturbed. This fear then leads you to crave things that will keep it down and to avoid things that will bring it up.
So doesn't fear help me to stay away from the things that make me uncomfortable inside? Isn't that a good thing?
Yes, fear will help you stay away from the things that make you uncomfortable...up to a point. But then you may begin to fear fear creating a vicious cycle of pushing down and pushing away. The energy and effort it takes to keep you comfortable and safe inside is so draining and it prevents you from living a full and complete life. It will prevent you from doing what you are here to do.
How?
Well, your purpose here is to discover who you really are.
Huh?
You...who you really are is not the little "me" you are so focused on protecting and keeping safe. Sure that "me" is in there with you but there is something greater, a little deeper, that is watching and observing this me fighting and fleeing and freezing in reaction to the environment around it and in it. You are that something too. You are really the non reactive consciousness that is observing the very reactive "me". You are awareness of "me" and of Life and of everything that is unfolding in this moment. You are not fear but the witness of it. The problem is that fear is creating so much drama for the little me that the You, that is consciousness, is drawn to it as if it were a soap opera. You, as consciousness, are glued to the mental dramas of little me and are so busy watching it, getting so caught up on all the fearful dramatic things going on with this "me, " that you don't see what is going on around it or outside the fear. You don't see the moment as it is, Life as it is or You, as you truly are. Fear keeps you from being present in the moment. You miss the moment. You forget to simply be in it. You forget that you are simply awareness.
So what am I supposed to "do" about the fear if it is in the way?
Well the problem is not in the doing. It is in the being. You don't have to do anything about fear. Fear is natural...just let it be. It will come and it will go if you do not get in teh way of it. You need to just be you too. The more you simply are in the moment, fully open and present to it and all it offers, the less you will be lost in fear. You simply are. It isn't so much that fear is in the way...your resistance to fear is in the way.
How do I know I am being who I am, that I am mastering Life's lessons?
You determine how present you are by how much you can sit or stand in a fear or other discomfort producing situation without reacting...without fighting, fleeing or freezing. If you can open up to fear and let it pass through you , you are doing pretty good in spiritual evolution terms. If you find yourself resisting...giving into the urge to fight, flight or freeze, to push down or away or to cling to things that you think will make you feel more comfortable inside... then maybe there is still a lot of fear running your life. More practice may be required. Simply being aware that you are aware of fear and how you are responding to it is an amazing achievement in itself.
Are there techniques that will help me become more aware so I can deal with fear?
Yes there are techniques. Relax. Learn to relax in the face of anything. You can not be relaxed and resistant at the same time. Meditation and mindfulness practice are also proven techniques that work. Know though that it isn't so much the mastery of the technique as it is the willingness to be open and aware that counts. Being willing to look past the surface layer of "me" to the deeper layer of "Self" is a crucial step. Being willing to practice being and staying open to all Life offers despite the fear is essential....Eventually we will be able to fall back into the Seat of Consciousness and stay there while fear, like all things, blows right through us without disturbing us in the least. Then we will transcend it for peace, joy, love , the reward for lessons well learned.
All is well!
Inspired by:
Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( April 18, 2023) Remaining Conscious in the Midst of Life.https://tou.org/talks/
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