Friday, May 6, 2022

Trusting or Doubting?

 Try looking at life as a beautifully well-organized dynamic. Trust the Universe. Trusting means that the circumstance you are in is working toward your best and most appropriate end. There is no when to that.  No end to that. It is.


The last chapter of Gary Zukav's book, The Seat of the Soul, is entitled Trust. I think it is the last chapter for a reason...because Trusting  is the most important and probably most challenging thing we humans have to learn to do while here.  Skeptical doubt is also listed as the last hindrance to our waking up for a reason.  Most of us, would you not guess, are plagued by doubt that Life has our back or that we are worthy enough to receive what she has to offer?  We doubt anything  we cannot see or understand as well.So how then can we trust that there is some "invisible""formless"  energy supporting us?  How can we trust the Universe then?  How can we trust that the crap we are going through now actually has a purpose for our greater good?

Trusting is Challenging

I find trusting absolutely a bit of a challenge.  Skeptical doubt is one of my biggest blocks to waking up, for sure.  Why? Maybe not for the usual reasons. 

Doubting and Manifesting

People might tell me that the only reason why I don't have the easiest set of circumstances showing up in my life...is because I am not "manifesting " correctly.  I am not "manifesting correctly", they may go on, because I am operating under the low vibration energy of doubt instead of the high energy vibration of trust.   I don't even like going there.  I have issues, as you may know, with the term "manifest".  I don't want to put my energy towards  intending "things" (that I erroneously believe will bring happiness)  to pop up into my life out of nowhere.  I want to put my energy towards learning, expanding, evolving and awakening to a higher level of understanding...an understanding that will bring a peace that passes all means of understanding ( if that isn't confusing lol).  I truly know that things or  circumstances will not bring happiness or unhappiness...so though I certainly wouldn't turn my back on a better financial situation, I am not putting all my energy towards "desiring" that because I know how unskillful that is.  

I put a lot of my energy towards learning to accept and find peace with the circumstances I have now.  Does that mean I don't trust the Universe enough to manifest a better Life?  I think it simply means that I see that  the impersonal and busy Universe, has bigger and more important things to look after, than the ever changing  personal woes of a mind created entity I call "me". I am convinced now that my level of peace is determined , not by the events happenings around "me" or to "me", but by the state of my mind.  I want to be able to operate through Life with a calm. clear and peaceful mind.   If I had to manifest anything that is what I would manifest.  At the same time this process of developing or "retraining" "my" mind to be calm, clear and peaceful  is a process I thoroughly enjoy so I am not asking for a big "Poof!...Your mind is healed" kind of thing from the Universe, either. 

But I do want to trust  the Universe! I want to trust that regardless of how challenging my Life circumstances may "seem'...(again the degree of challenge I experience is simply a result of the state of my mind)....that it is benefiting me at some level I may not understand  and/or the world in some way.  That it is doing some good.  I could probably suffer through anything if I "knew" that any challenging thing I went through was serving a higher purpose.  Knowing that is trusting,  right? 

So that is what I "intend" , pray for, want to manifest: peace of mind and the ability to trust the Universe/ Life absolutely. ( which would bring more peace, wouldn't it?) 

Challenging the Universe to Prove that it  can be trusted. 

But  in my practicing and learning to trust, I may experiment with superficial things that the personality wants.  ( and yes the personality wants these things...big time!...even if the higher part of me knows they are not needed) I might say..."I want to trust you Universe...give me a sign!  If you want me to continue writing in a certain genre, give me a publication in that genre."   Now when I get that publication, I don't instantly trust.  It is still a struggle...I have years and years of doubt to get through. I might say, "Well maybe I need more than one publication to prove that."  

I may also experiment with things like money.  "I want 10,000 dollars by the end of such and such a time, in order to know you have my back."  If I don't get the money I will hear myself  saying, "See! The Universe doesn't have my back or I am not worthy enough!" Now I may get the 10,000 dollars, like I did once  a couple of months after my chosen time...and my doubt tendency may say to me, "Well it didn't come when you said, so that is not a sign."  Or maybe the "thing" I ask for comes in another form and in a way I was not expecting it  to and I  totally by pass it.   It gets tricky.  even clear signs  do not always dispel the doubt or foster trust.  even when some of these signs are pretty clear.    Then I kind of feel I am getting off my true path by "playing with this manifesting possibility" and for "testing and challenging the Universe"  when I know none of these things are truly important. Its fun but these games will not bring me to my true goal of peace. 

So now what I am trying to do,  (if "try" is  something we can apply to the process of  trusting...it should be more of a falling into and a letting go, right?)   Anyway...what I do now is simply pray: "Please help me to trust that which I cannot see, so that I can find peace in my present situations, regardless of how they appear,  knowing that they are taking me and others to a higher place.  Let me surrender to the "Thy Will be done!" mantra. 

I did let go and surrender before in my desire to trust the Universe. ...in my desire to be taken to a higher place.  It certainly didn't result in abundance for the personality, but now that I think about it,  it did help me to trust more. 

This is what I wrote at that time: 

Ego Hisses

whispers from that place of secrets
become screams in my ears
twisting, turning messages that
express the truth I fear
I suddenly decide to listen
to stop, head stilled to the side
while I decipher all the wisdom
and put away my pride


ego hisses at me with its
desperate pleading cries
to ignore the truths I’m offered
calling them foolish, new age lies
it warns me of the darkness
the desolation I will face
if I go forward with these directions
and leave this warm, familiar place


yet I find myself moving onward
pushing ego’s carcass to the floor
and taking slow, hesitant steps
I move through the open door

I don’t know what I will be facing

what is on the other side
but I know the door has been opened
and it is open very wide.

Dale- Lyn, Nov 2013

Working On it. All is well! 

Release your specifications and say to the Universe, "Find me where you know I need to be." Let them go and trust that the Universe will provide, and so it shall. Let go of all.  Let your higher Self complete its task. 

Gary Zukav (198/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

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