You are not here in order to go there. ...There is nothing to do, or nowhere to go, just this.
Ram Dass
Zero readers...zero according to the stats page. I have never had that before lol.
I have this impulse to skip, and dance, and sing out loud across the page. To swear on it, to type out a bunch of curse words in big bold letters....not becasue I am angry...only because sometimes it feels so good to let out the forbidden and we can do that when there is no one around to witness. I just want to see what I feels like. I want to run naked through some type of verbal sprinkler..(now that immediately provides an image none of us, and I mean none of us, wants to entertain for a second ...oh but there is no one in this yard to imagine anything but me and I can't see myself ...so here I go...Wee!)
I feel the way one tends to feel when they look around to suddenly realize no one is watching them ...there is a certain freedom to completely be one's self. But you know ( If I am talking to myself now when I say "you", I ramble to myself all the time off the page...so it is all good lol), I am always completely myself when I write. I can't be anything but myself when I come here. Writing is an expression of truth for me. I may be a bit reserved, awkward, shy and held back around some people I know in person...but when I write it is like I open up and let it all out. And, no offense to my imaginary reader, I don't care what others think. I mean, I would never want to offend or hurt or be unkind..I have a genuine kindness and compassion in my heart for all....but I am not going to hold back on being who and what I am just to please anyone. Man, spent too much of my life as a people pleaser...done with that. (Well at least when I write lol).
Old Stuff Coming Out
I guess, I can share that what I wrote about over the last few entries regarding my chest pain and how it triggers past health seeking shame...has really been quite cathartic for me, helping me in ways I never thought it would. I think ...it is time for the "old stuff" to leave and I have been experiencing the process. There is a lot of packing going on, a lot of bumping and thumping to get to the point of standing in line to await one's turn to exit. Obviously, the most recently seated knots leave first because they are closer to the exit. The deep seated stuff, though impatient, has to wait for the space to come out. Maybe that is why I am getting chest pain and being triggered. That pain has to leave before the original trauma pain can come up.
Really though, when it comes to releasing stuffed and stored emotion, we don't have to "do" anything, according to some pretty wise people. We just have to be willing to stop resisting all the new stuff we encounter, and keep the heart open. If we just keep the door open, all the old junk will just make its way to the exit when it is ready...we can then have a chat with each thing that resurfaces as we stand to the side so it can get past; we can thank it for visiting; give it a hug or a warm handshake and then we can say goodbye. As we watch it totter off ,pulling its suitcase behind it, we can breathe a big sigh of release as if to say, "Wow! Wasn't that an experience", and then we wait patiently and calmly for the next thing to come up.
Singer suggests three things we can also do as it comes up and out and as we encounter "new" stuff:
- Stay positive...as negative thoughts come to mind in regards to stuff that has just entered our psyche motel or stuff that has been around for a while...we can use a bit of cognitive restructuring to revamp those messages. "This feels awful. I don't know if I can stand this." can be replaced with. "Hmmm! This is different, not all together pleasant but I can handle it. I have handled worse before. And all the determination, energy and will it took to keep stuff down or push it away...that was something pretty impressive...that's testament to how strong my will is. I can do anything. It may hurt a bit coming out but I will feel much better with it out of me."
- Carry a Mantra with you that soothes and keeps you open. Practice this mantra on a regular basis so it becomes a subconscious belief you can turn to when you need it. "I am full of love and light." "It all is as it is and its perfect." "I can relax and release"
- Surrender. Let go and relax into what is as it unfolds in front of you and as it is released from you. Sure there may be some pain. If something is stored in pain , it will be released with pain. Just breathe and relax into it...don't get in its way by tensing up and resisting it. Just let it go.
There is always a karmic effect when we hold onto something, according to Ram Dass. What we do when we resist pain, or resist what Life gives us...is get in its way. We don't understand why Life is gives us the things she does...yet we automatically assume we need to somehow "do" something about it. That was my experience with my health seeking. I was trying to change something I didn't even understand, not even remotely...Life. When all I had to do is step back and observe and experience ... Just this!
So much learning.
All good
Ram Dass/ Be Here and Now Network( March, 2021) Here and Now- Ep177- Perspective on Work and Money https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkoVnD3wsxo
Michael Singer Podcast/Sounds True ( July, 2021) Spirituality: the Exploration of Consciousness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rE4_q7qdZ0E
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