Life's Moving Toward Perfection

Allow your life to unfold naturally.

Know that it too is a vessel of perfection.

Just as you breathe in and breathe out,

there is a time for being ahead

and a time for being behind;

a time for being in motion

and a time for being at rest;

a time for being vigorous

and a time for being exhausted;

a time for being safe

and a time for being in danger. 

To the sage

all Life is a movement toward perfection...

Wayne Dyer's summary/ interpretation of ten translations of Verse 29 of  the Tao Te Ching

As I meditated today, I said a quiet intention that I would be able to accept, allow without judgement or resistance, without blame or shame...my physical heart to do whatever it is doing. I am not sure if  I am just having an extended bout of Coronary vasospasms or if the floppy chordae tendineae  of  my Mitral Valve are finally saying, "We had enough of holding it together with all this flapping and slapping you put us through.  I don't care what any one says or doesn't say about the conditions we were working under. It was too much lady... you put us through way too much stress. We are given you our notice...we are about to quit!" Maybe it is years of tachy brady...going from rates over 200 for no reason to rates in the 30's resulting in blood pressures dropping to the floor and my body following suit ... finally taking their toll ( even though the last medication I was prescribed years ago and the "not working"  seemed to work wonders.  I have not fainted in five years. ). Or maybe it is just my heart following the lead of my exhausted  mind as it recites its never ending mantra, "Just too tired ...Too much! Too much!" I don't know but I know something is going on when playing with my grandchildren, one of the most joyous things in my life, leaves me completely breathless and exhausted after thirty minutes...so much so that I can't stay awake when I get home. I had to cancel several yoga classes over the last week or so as well...not like me. Man this is starting to sound like a "Poor Me" session...that is not what I intended.

What I am trying to say is ...we need to accept it all, let go of any resistance to what we consider to be the "downs"  because they are just as much a part of Life's perfection as the so called "ups" are.   As challenging as it is to do this when we are facing these so called "difficult" times , we need to "RELAX" into them and  let Life do what Life is going to do, with or without our approval. I have literally, all in the span of a few months been feeling so behind...acutely aware of how behind I am financially, in the chores I want done, in society's eyes, in this notion of "success", in my parenting, in my writing, in my ability to keep up with others; I have been forced to rest which is hard for me, a person who so loves to move the body; I have been feeling emotionally and physically exhausted; and I have literally been in danger ( had death threats against me and loved ones  as well as being at the risk of succumbing to whatever my heart may or may not be doing here)) . Yet, I know in the deepest part  of myself, that it is all still so good.  This is the way it is meant to be...this is just Life moving toward perfection.  These downs will come and they will go. Maybe in two weeks time I will be writing about how "ahead" I sense I am, how I am able to move vigorously through my days and how safe and secure I feel. Or maybe not. Who knows? It will be what it will be.

I don't want to fight or struggle against this.  I made an appointment with my doctor, scheduled for a few weeks time,  but I have absolutely no expectations about that.  Not because of him but because of my past experience  I have no trust in the system, therefore little hope that this will be looked after when or if  I am referred. In the meantime,  will go into the dreaded ER  if the nitro doesn't take the pain away after the third hit or if I start to faint again.  I promised loved ones that I would and I will keep my promise.  For now I will rest when I feel the need to and move when I can. I will recognize and accept the stressors in my  present life situations and do my best to relax into them.  I will take precautions when I need to  but other than that I have done all I have the control to do...the rest is up to Life.   

It is all good!

Wayne Dyer (2007) Change Your thoughts, Change Your life. New York: Hay House