Gaining Clarity

 

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly.

Antoine de Saint Exupery

I just wanted to mention...since this is a blog about waking up ...that I have somehow gotten through another layer of the subsoil that truth is buried under.  I fell a little deeper yesterday into a greater understanding.    As I was reflecting on my children's impending loss and my past ( namely the divorce) I was shocked to realize that I was suddenly seeing Life more clearly and with much more love and connection than I ever was aware I was seeing it before.  I found myself  embracing the suchness of things as they were and as they are. I felt this great love and appreciation for all of Life and all the people around me then and now. I could see so clearly how foolish that division between my ex and myself was...how foolish all such "idea" of division was.  I felt light and free, peaceful. My heart was open, truly open and it remains such.  I love this clarity and though it cannot be explained in words because it goes way beyond the intellect...I wanted to share what I could.

All is well . 

Keeping The Heart Open

 By closing your heart, you are not really protecting yourself from anything. You are just cutting off your source of energy and locking yourself inside.

Michael Singer

Question 17: What is meant by keeping the heart space open? 

All is well! 

Can We Help The Younger Generation See The Value Of The Mud?

 Suffering is a kind of mud, happiness is a kind of lotus, and if we know how to make good use of suffering we can produce the beautiful lotus of happiness. 

Thich Nhat Hanh

As D. and I were sitting at the table this morning with our tea and coffee we were talking about how we, this generation, could "reach" what I see as the "suffering" age group, young adults,  to assist them in getting beyond their suffering to healing.  We were  looking at our own children and the people they knew and both agreed that the true source of their suffering has a lot to do with the fear of pain in all the many forms it comes in.  It is a fear-based population. 

Two Emotional Driving Energies In Suffering: Fear and Desire

In the small section of this population that we are observing, there seems to be two driving emotional energies...Fear  and Desire. Fear shows up in so many forms from social anxiety, to phobia, to  generalized anxiety and to  paralyzing agoraphobia. Regardless of what you call it though...fear is fear.

What is it they seem to be fearing?   Pain!

From the information I am gathering, it seems to be pain in its many forms they are are fearing, ranging from boredom to full blow grief or despair.  The discomfort of fear is one of those pains  that they are fearing...creating a fear of fear itself.  Fearing pain, fearing fear...they are lead into the unhealthy coping mechanism of "avoidance".  They avoid by resisting the reality of pain in anyway they can...through stuffing, denying, numbing. They also try to fix and manipulate external reality so that it doesn't activate  pain. 

Desire

This takes them to the other emotional energy that seems to be driving them...Desire. Of course they desire to be free of pain which is healthy and normal to some extent...but they erroneously assume that the only way to be free of pain is to have its opposite in their life at all times..."pleasure". So they spend a great deal of their energy grasping and clinging to things they assume will bring pleasure: they buy "things" and develop shopping and spending issues, they use food , sex, electronics, the stimulation from screen activity,  and substances in unskillful ways. They focus on superficial images rather than on depth and what is substantial, attempting to create, for example,  a perfect social image so they gain social recognition on their social pages, seeking happiness from how others may view that "image" which usually only encapsulates a small portion of who they are.  

They strive and strive for pleasurable life experiences by grasping and clinging at the external world of form and what it offers.Yet they are constantly disappointed by the inability to maintain this pleasure. They may gain a semblance of happiness for a while, validating in some way that externally derived pleasure can stop pain.  Pleasure  never lasts, however...someone puts a negative comment on their social page and they are shattered. The substance wears off and they feel worse than they did before...so they need more and more. They go into debt and even bankruptcy because of their spending and still they continue to grasp a glimpse of pleasure by ordering more of  the boxes that land on their door steps. 

Making the Human Condition  Into a Disorder

Yet even with all this pleasure seeking...they still feel it within them...that discomfort, that pain they so try to avoid feeling.  Then they  listen to their overactive minds that tell them that something is wrong with them if all "this" doesn't bring and sustain pleasure...that the pain they are attempting not to feel is "bad, wrong, shouldn't be." This experience then must be a disorder that needs to be labelled, diagnosed and treated. So they get the label and become attached to that, needing prescribed  chemicals to stop the pain. And the cycle begins again.

Awe!  Of course, this is only coming from  what I  see as I  view the small population sub section in front of me  It is not my intention to stereotype  the whole age group this way and I am also definitely not trying to diminish the reality of mental illness and the need for treatment.  I am just saying that maybe we could try a different therapeutic approach  before we resort to that one.  Maybe, before we label what they are experiencing as an individual disease or disorder, we could look at the collective whole for a better understanding of this suffering and the root cause of it. Maybe we need to go deeper and thus  teach them to go deeper. 

How do we teach them to go deeper when going deeper means facing the very thing they are afraid of...pain?

That is the question I ask myself on a daily basis when I look at the suffering my own children are experiencing. What I meet when I very gently approach the subject or offer a yoga practice or steer them toward mediation...any thing that suggests they have to sit or be with what is real...without distraction...is of course, great resistance.  If I dare answer any of them when they say, "I don't know what to "do" with what I am feeling?" ..."Just sit with it."   "Do nothing"  ...they look at me as if I just slapped them across the face and they seem to want to return the favor. The fear that shoots across their faces and the way they shut down when I say , "There is no other way.  You need to go through in order to get out!", makes me wonder how I am ever going to share with my children what I have learned, let alone have them benefit from it. 

I know the answer in every cell of my body is: In order to be truly healthy and happy, our children need to learn to touch reality as it is, to embrace the " suchness" of life which includes the pain they so want to avoid.  Before we can even begin to help them, I suppose, we need to master that approach to Life ourselves.  So I am in the habit now, every time I fail in getting through to my adult children, I go back to my practice and I remind myself to go and stay in the deeper space of my being. 

Hmmm! Maybe someday, they will follow me there. 

All is well!

Plum Village App (July 2020) Touching Reality As It Is/ Thich Knat Hanh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICA2gjhwqa8

Stay or Leave With Love

Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go then do it.

Ann Landers

This video I did yesterday in response to the question I pulled out was actually question # 26: Should I leave my partner when he or she does not make me happy?  But I found myself writing today about the painful letting go and /or leaving that comes with death and that which comes with divorce. Somehow the topics came together. So I offer this video now. 

 Point: Whether you decide to leave or stay, do so with love.

All is well! 

To my American friend, Safari MacIntosh. (Can I call you Mac?) ...I just want to let you know that I see you have been visiting . I see that you have crept  in again through the back door I left open,  leaving another trail  of old foot prints across the floor. By the  number of muddy prints on  the tile, fitting the same shoes size, I can tell  you were here before.  In fact, I know you have been  here quite often, searching through my cupboards and looking in my drawers. 

I am not quite sure what you are looking for.  I am not sure what you want from this place or if you ever found it.  I am not even sure who or what you are exactly.  You somehow are able to remain quite stealth like in your visits, appearing and then disappearing so quickly the security system can only resister you as a blurry shadow. You leave  nothing but traces of your foot prints and occasional finger prints as evidence that you indeed were here. Otherwise who would know? Who would care?

I care, only because I am not sure why you are coming in through the back door instead of the front...why you are sneaking in rather than accepting my open invitation. Your intention, it seems by how quickly you look around and are gone again, is not to visit me.  You have no desire to sit with me at the kitchen table over a cup of tea  and discuss those things that I so want to discuss with others. I am not even sure you know what type of house you entered and what the owner of that house is all about.  I don't think you care to know.  You have other motives in mind.  

That's okay... as long as your intentions here are not filled with malice or ill will. If you do not mean me or others harm, make yourself at home and help yourself to what I have in my cupboards. Just have a little respect for the property and the owner of this place, will ya, while you are here? 

It's all good

Love is Acceptance and Appreciation Of What Is

  The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is, without needing to judge or change them in anyway. That immediately takes you beyond the ego. All mind games and addictive clinging are then over. There are no victims and no perpetrators anymore, no accuser nor accused. This is also the end of all codependency, of being drawn into somebody else's unconscious pattern and thereby enabling it to continue. You will then either separate-in love- or move ever so deeply into the Now together-into being .

Eckhart Tolle

Compassion For Others Grieving the Loss of Great Love

Suffering, suffering, suffering!  I see so much around me and my heart wants to break under the weight of it. My children are all suffering with the pending loss of someone they love dearly, a someone who loves them and who was nothing but kind to them. Her body is being neurologically overwhelmed  at the fastest of speeds by a small protein,  a protein that creates such havoc in only one  in a million people. One in a million...that, to me, is a very clear note from God saying, "You have been especially chosen, Your work is done. I want you home now Dear." Even though she is only a bit older than me her time is coming very soon.  The disease progression is faster than normal human  processing time. Maybe she has already left her body while her loved ones are still shaking their heads wondering what is going on. My children go between being numb to full blown grief over this pending loss.  And seeing their dad suffer so makes it even harder for them. On top of that they have their own personal issues to deal with... those issues so many of their age group are experiencing: depression, anxiety, addiction. I feel so bloody helpless. 

Pain Fueling Divisions 

Though my heart breaks for my ex husband and what he is experiencing right now...I feel what I can "do" is limited.  A line has been drawn after our divorce and "this" is on the other side of that line.  I offer my services, my support but it won't be accepted because of that division...understandably. Yet our children have to cross back and forth over that line as they have done for sixteen years and so does my heart.  I see the foolishness of such divisions now, and the pain those borders can cause. I am not saying that walking away from a relationship is something we should never do...No...our divorce was very necessary for both of us. We were not at our best together and because neither of us were truly healthy at the time of our union,  what we mixed together with our energies became toxic. For everyone's sake we had to divorce. We both grew tremendously when we went our separate ways. Besides, if we didn't separate, he would never have found that "great " love he found with the woman he is losing now. 

The Option of Separating With Love

But so much precious time was wasted on  anger, and blame and resentment...on holding onto grievances...on clinging to the need for this line. And though we did our best with the children...they suffered from it.  Not from the divorce...that never really bothered them...but from that line that was drawn between us.  Instead of parting in toxic resentment  over unmet expectations we had of each other to fulfill and fix, we could have taken responsibility for our own happiness, parting  sooner with love and appreciation.    

True Love Extends Beyond Divisions  

I am feeling great love and appreciation now for all involved. I feel great compassion.  I feel great pain. It brings me to tears many times a day. Though it may not be deemed "pleasant", observing others and this little clump of flesh and mind I call "me" through this experience has helped me to grow in greater understanding. I am grateful for that. 

Appreciating What Is

This is Life doing what Life does and it is not mine to do anything about except offer  love in the truest way. Love...true love...is not based on expectation and condition...it is simply appreciation for what is.  As Eckhart Tolle teaches, we do not need to be loved to feel love.  And it is so wonderful to be able to feel love and appreciation for all  others, and for all of Life...even in times like this. 

All is well.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres....Love never fails.  

1. Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV

Freedom From Our Thoughts

 

As the mind, so the person; bondage or liberation are in your own mind.

Sanskrit saying.

Question # 16: How do we deal with all those thoughts in our heads? 

There is an estimated 60,000 thoughts a day floating around in our heads, 90 percent of them are said to be repetitive and 80 percent said to be negative. We are in there somewhere and need to set ourselves free.

All is well! 

Letting Go of Our Clinging to the Precious

 Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.  If in our heart, we still cling to anything, -anger, anxiety or possessions-we cannot be free.

Thich Nhat Hanh

I watched another lovely dharma talk today from Deer Park Monastery...and it touched me deeply. I listened to a strong human being, in the form of a Buddhist monk, speak about his journey through the very challenging path of cancer. He spoke mostly about letting go of our notion of lucky or unlucky for our willingness to simply let Life do as Life does, bringing a variety of experience our way -pleasant, unpleasant and neutral.  In the height of his cancer he refused to "fight" with the malignant cells in his body and chose to recognize them as just other living things wanting to live. He spoke to them daily in an attempt to explain to them that their clinging and fighting to take over his body would not bring them true freedom...his body would die and with it so would they.  He offered them instead a cooperation and a union within him...so they, together, could transcend to true freedom. The cells just had to let go of their need to cling to him and he, in turn, let go of any idea of how life "should be",  accepting all as it is. He developed a compassion for these cells and a renewed passion for Life, exempt from the "clinging" most of us do.  He said something that struck me deeply. I can only paraphrase:

When we don't let go of grasping and clinging, we fail to simply enjoy the preciousness of that which we are clinging to.

Our clinging to Life and our ideas of how life should be stops us from truly experiencing the preciousness of Life itself.

Hmm! Please listen!

Plum Village ( May, 2019) Br. Phap Ho -Lucky or Unlucky? -Deer Park Monastery. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3J0GleoaIE 

 What does it mean, I wonder,  when one's analytics catches a bounce rate of 100 percent and a session reading time of 0.00.00  belonging to a new user ? lol.  All good. It must have been a crawler or a bot escaping through the filter. I am assuming if it was a real person registering the high bounce rate...they would have to have a session reading time of at least 0.00.01...don't you think? They would have to have read the first word of the title, at least, of the entry their search engine took them to before they decided they were on the wrong highway.  

It is kind of cool to have bots visiting...they don't stay long but that is okay. The fact that someone's mind was able to come up with such an idea and create such a thing is quite incredible. ...incredible and a little creepy I feel like there are drones overhead scouting out the perimeters of my yard while the controller sees if there is anything worthwhile landing for.  Cool and  a bit concerning at the same time  :) 

I am so glad I discovered the truth about my readership.  I feel more than okay knowing that it  is tiny and that my ego is not running the show here.  Otherwise...I would have left the building by now. It truly is all good!

All is well. 

What Is Yoga?

 Yoga is the stilling of the changing states of mind. When that is accomplished, the seer abides in his own true nature.

Patanjali

Question #15; What is Yoga? 

If you can control the rising of the mind into ripples, you will experience Yoga.

Patanjali

All is well!

Still Measuring Human Doing?

The measure of achievement is not winning awards. It is doing something that you appreciate, something that you believe is worthwhile.

Julia Child  

Monthly Measurement

 The last day of January and I am thinking about what I accomplished this month.  It is so hard to slip away from that idea of doing to achieve, isn't it?  Maybe that is because we are not suppose to stop "doing" completely.  Maybe "human doing" is a part of the "human being" experience. Do you think that is why it is so hard to put down our to-do lists altogether or  to, at least , stop checking things off in our heads? I don't know.  I often write and speak and think about getting beyond the need for  measuring our doing but I found myself today measuring.  How many of my resolutions, if any, have I stuck to?  What tasks  did I accomplish , in this first month of 2022, to set me on my way in my writing, wellness practice, or higher practice? 

Ego Measures Doing

I chastised myself for doing it but there I was mentally checking off what I accomplished and setting intentions for finishing this or that by midnight tonight. For example, I have done 23 videos...answered 23 questions and my mind tells me that should be a 25.  Even though I entered this self-created challenge on January first with an intention of attaching little to no expectation to the doing of this...attaching little to no expectation for outcome...part of my mind says , "A nice round quarterly figure like 25 would be nice. Just do two more today and you will reach your goal."  My goal?  Is it my goal?  Or ego's goal to get to 25?   I doubt that   higher Self would care if I did 2.5,  25 or 2500 videos ...but ego likes the sound of  me saying, "I created 25 videos this month." Ego likes to measure doing. 

I "accomplished" a few other little things: In the writing world: continued to write a blog entry almost everyday, got an old novel out to a publisher, will by midnight tonight have finished proof reading my sister's great novel, I wrote one poem, came up with another idea for yet another book ( these ideas have to slow down...I am finding I am so overwhelmed with ideas and starts to  writing projects that I freeze and do nothing...I take that back lol...I don't want those ideas to stop coming...I just want to find a way to organize my writing so it is organized and goal directed...does that mean I need a to-do list after all? lol) ) .

I accomplished other things too...got through a COVID crisis without getting COVID but was able to support others who had it. I began and almost finished a little DIY project, something I have been meaning to create for over a year...finally I buckled down this weekend to begin it and though it definitely needs some tweaks and some more effort on my part...it is almost there. (Of course, ego is saying..."Oh get that done before midnight and you can add that to your list of January achievements" .  Shut up ego! lol ) I began and finished another great book that I added to the  learning taking me farther down this path. Been doing fairly well if not perfectly, drinking my one and a half litres of water a day as I resolved to do this year. 

Being...the Real Accomplishment

Hmmm! anyway...January has slipped away so quickly.  Whether I did or did not do enough this month, I was!  And that is the most important thing...being. I was and am. 

All is well! 

Wounded By Trauma

 Trauma is a fact of Life.  It does not, however, have to be a life sentence. 

Peter A. Levine

Question #14. I have been wounded by trauma.  How can I be normal? 

Ooooh! Scary face. 

NO EXPERT HERE! Please seek the help of professionals and people much more advanced than me if you are dealing with trauma. I am only sharing my own experience and my own learning on these pages. By no means am I saying I have all the answers...I don't. 

All is well! 

Infested with Creepy Crawlers

Humble yourself or you will be humbled.

Unknown 

Sigh!  Finally got my google analytics to work. :) And I discovered, much to ego's massive deflation...like a balloon shooting across the room after  being released right before its opening was tied lol...this site is infested with creepy crawlers...and bots.  These are the so called readers making my readership go up and my head swell . 

There is no 75,000 readers.  If my calculations are correct there may be 5 ( and I don't mean 5,000...or 500...I mean 5). Oh I have to laugh at that...

I knew my readership was small and I (my ego) was okay with that as long as I felt I was getting through to one person. This stats page was showing that I had persistent and consistent readership from a Macintosh computer. using Safari over the last few months, registering from the States and for a few weeks from Japan.  It was making the numbers hike. I  had myself believing this American Macintosh computer user  was  a dedicated reader I was actually reaching lol.  I discovered today, sadly,  it was not a reader after all ...but a bot or a creepy crawler.  (Not that I should call all web crawlers creepy...most are harmless but some, however, are not so harmless.)   That  readership is not showing up on real time on my google analytics... .. therefore that provides confirmation that this so called reader was nothing but a thought in my head. I am not sure what this crawler or bot  wants from this site it taps into almost everyday...certainly not going to make anything off of me. It will find no cheese here.  I have this image of a little mechanical rotten always going back to the same spot because it knows no better...never getting ahead. Oh my ego!!! How absolutely silly it is. I was brought down out of the clouds of make belief and into the comforting but sometimes strict arms of reality. I am glad for that. I am.  I want to see things as they are, not as I want them to be. 

All is well.  a bit red-faced maybe...but well.  lol. 

Storms of Life

 It is not  question if we will encounter a storm. But when and how we will navigate and survive the test.

Pat Day

We are buckling down in preparation for a "Nor'Easter' in my part of the world.  We are expecting a possible blizzard to blow through .  It will likely blow through hard, possibly blowing down power lines and leading to power outages.  Line ups in grocery stores, gas stations and hardware stores  will be long today. We know what to expect here and how to prepare. :) 

It is windy out there now.  I see my little Oak trees out front blowing this way and that as the snow begins to whirl around them.  Small flakes.  My Dad, who used to drive a snow plow in the winter months, always said you can tell how bad a storm is going to get by how big the snow flakes were...the smaller, the more warning offered by nature.  And one also has to watch the way those flakes come down...directed by the wind. A North East wind is a warning to take cover. Swirling is not good lol.  

The storm is descending over us...there is no doubt about that. I am okay with that reality. It is what it is.  Storms come and storms go...we have no choice but anchor down and get through them.

Hmmm!  I think of that as I think of the Life storms people are experiencing right now.  Someone very close to my children, a dear sweet soul, is struggling to stay alive after being hit with a sudden and strange neurological condition that has progressed to the point where she is fighting to breathe...She has gone from an active, cheery person to someone who cannot see, walk or talk ...all in a matter of weeks. And no one knows why. It pains me to think of her and those who love her suffering. And of course, because of COVID restrictions, she is alone in the hospital right now. 

I sat on my daughter's bed last night as she wept and I could do nothing but offer presence. I mean I am constantly praying and sending as much positive thoughts and feelings her way as I can...asking that all of them be surrounded by a warm blanket of love, peace and faith....I wish with all my heart  that they all find a precious anchor in this storm as it blows through their lives. 

 Regardless of how it turns out, may they find themselves firmly rooted in that which will keep them safe.   

Hmmm!  I hope that the energy of my intentions, at least,  does something positive. 

All is well! 

Life's longing for Itself

 

Your children are not your own.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you, but not from you. 

And though they are with you yet,they belong not to you.

Kahlil Gibran

Question #13: What to do with reclusive, video -playing adult son? 

This is the second time I am putting this up...I literally watched it disappear this morning off this site  without any conscious effort from me ( at least none that I am aware of).  So I am putting it up again. 

All is well!

 Blog entries are literally disappearing ...I did not remove the blog I had up yesterday...but it is gone.  I watched as it went from published to draft and then gone without any help from me? 

Releasing the Shadows

 Setting the Shadows Free

Allow the shadows to emerge.

Allow those dark emotional secrets  

to slip through the tiny opening

your willingness is creating. 

Let them creep and crawl,

twist and maneuver, 

their ghostly way 

through that tiny space,

pulling themselves 

from the trunk you held them in,

its cover now musty with age,

its rusty lock now too fragile to secure

what you once wanted hidden. 

Allow these shadow entities 

that fear had  so desperately 

 squished, shoved 

 and locked 

into  the steamer trunk 

of the forbidden

to be released.

Forbid them, no more. 

Even though your hand still trembles,

and your heart beats loudly in your ears,

lift the lid slowly 

with your desire for healing.

Free the hidden darkness  

one shadow at a time.

Allow these phantoms 

to expand and growl loudly   

as they fill themselves with the air 

of  their emancipation.

Though  fear may forcefully ask  you to,

don't quiver in their wake,

don't step back, 

don't push them  down again  into 

the depths of that container.

Hold your own

as they stretch  before your eyes,

feel what was so denied 

and watch 

as each menacing shadow

 blows through you 

like a puff of formless smoke 

and then is gone. 

This is not the hidden shadows' liberation,

but your own.

With every ghost you set free,

you are freer. 

Surrender to 

and let go of 

the darkness

you hold inside. 

© Dale-Lyn (Pen) January, 2022

Hmmm! My first poem of 2022.  It came out in thirty minutes ... good or bad or neutral...it is what it is and was meant to be, coming from the deeper place, I suppose. Something tells me it  is supposed to be here on this page.

Recently, I have been  absorbed by this idea of "emotional emancipation" and the needed  letting go of all those suppressed, repressed emotions in order to heal and be free.  So many "forbidden" emotional energies we have stuffed inside us, as  human beings  trying to cope in this busy world. As long as those energies are inside us, as long as we resist them because we see them as "wrong" or "bad" or too painful and as long as most of our life effort  goes toward attempting to resist them and prevent them from coming up, getting poked or triggered...we will never be truly free...We will suffer! 

Now entwined with that "emotional emancipation" is the confrontation of the Shadow Self...that dark side of humanity we so want to deny. Jung's notion of the shadow Self has been on my mind too and I can see how anything about us that keeps us or others from realizing the perfect image we want to create...gets stuffed inside that "forbidden" trunk. 

Surrendering and letting go...is the way to go. ( Note: of course we may need help to face and let go of these stuffed memories and emotions...especially if there has been trauma...build a support network, professional or otherwise,  first!) 

All is well! 

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.

Carl Jung https://academyofideas.com/2015/12/carl-jung-and-the-shadow-the-hidden-power-of-our-dark-side/

Refuge

 

Attadipa Saranam 

[Taking Refuge in the Island of Self]

Being, an island unto myself,

Buddha is my mindfulness,

shining near, shining far.

Dharma is my breathing,

guarding body and mind.

I am Free.

As an island unto myself,

Sangha is my five skandhas

working in harmony.

Taking refuge in myself,

Coming back to myself,

I am free.

Breathing in, breathing out,

I am blooming like a flower,

I am fresh as the dew.

I am solid as a mountain.

I am firm as the Earth.

I am free.

Breathing in, breathing out,

I am water reflecting what is real,

what is true;

And I feel there is a space

deep inside of me.

I am free. 

from: Thich Nhat Hanh's Peace is Every Breath,(2011), Harper One, page 36-37

As I mentioned yesterday, I often use this Gatha as part of a walking or breathing meditation. I have revamped the practice over the last couple of days in tribute to a great teacher whose presence on this planet has made a wonderful difference to so many beings. 

I don't want you to get hung up on this Gatha's  Buddhist terminology...on terminology at all.  I want you to see beyond the terms, beyond religion, to what is meant. 

In Buddhist teaching  there are the three jewels: the Buddha, the dharma and the Sangha. These jewels though very important to Buddhist practice can be found in almost any spiritual practice...just with different labels or names. .All the term 'buddha' means is "enlightened one". There is and have been, in fact, many buddhas in this world  from all types of cultures and religions. Most of us on this path  to Self realization, regardless if we are Catholic or Hindu, are seeking to be buddhas ( though we may not use that term).  The Buddha, however,...was  a man that attained buddhahood in a particular way and then set out to teach how he achieved it. This is how Buddhism started. The Buddha  was an enlightened teacher and the founder of Buddhism, not a "god".

The Dharma...is a Sanskrit word that simply means  "the teachings and the way to understanding and love"(Hanh, 2011).  It is just a word pointing to something that is universal and non-denominational.

Sangha is the name for spiritual community or the people who support us on our paths. The Sangha could be your congregation, your parish, your AA group or your reading club.  Again...just a term that is not specific to Buddhism.

The Five Skandhas are the elements of who we are in form: body, feelings, perceptions, mental formations[thoughts and beliefs], and consciousness. 

So keep that in mind as you read. We are encouraged in this Gatha to take refuge in the deeper spacious Self within us.  It is like an island that is undisturbed by anything the world has to offer or throws at us. It is stillness and it is quiet. 

How do we get to this island?  

Mindfulness can bring us back to present moment, to here and now, so we can think clearly and have more to give. When we become "aware" of what is happening to us or around us and look upon it all as observers...rather than getting lost in it, we are on our way to our island vacation.

Breathing also gets us there. It  is an anchor that takes us back into body, and  a "clearer" non reactive mind, protecting us from ego's pull towards story, drama and reactivity.

 And when our bodies, thoughts, views, feelings and consciousness are all working in balance,  we can take refuge in the Self within. 

Hmm...this is how we find our emancipation from the prison of emotional reactivity and suffering...by  taking refuge in the island of Self..

All is well.

Thich Nhat Hanh (2011) peace is every breath. New York: Harper One

The Purpose of Life?

 Awareness is the power that is concealed in the present moment...The ultimate purpose of human existence, which is to say, your purpose, is to bring that power into the world. 

Eckhart Tolle https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/purpose-of-life

Question 11: What is the Purpose of Life? 

All is well!

Emotional Emancipation

 Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None but ourselves, can free our minds. 

Bob Marley ( I believe taken from a famous quote of Marcus Garvey) 

Emotional Emancipation 

I picked up a new phrase today and it is sticking to me...resonating with every cell in my body.  That phrase is "emotional emancipation" and it is that that I am moving toward on this path.  Many would call it liberation, yoga, enlightenment, awakening, freedom from suffering...and it is all those things...but to my practical, psychology focused mind...this is the term that hits home.

Freedom from  Being Trapped By Emotion

Do we not all want freedom from the prison our untamed emotions keep us in.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with emotion.  It just that moving ( thus the 'motion'in e-motion) energy...neither good or bad but our judging the feeling of it as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral keeps us trapped to it , doesn't it?  We are so trapped( attached to , desperate for, clinging, addicted) to the pleasant emotions and all we erroneously believe will allow us to experience those emotions all the time so we do not suffer. We are so trapped by our negative emotional energies too...they can stop us in our tracks and keep us imprisoned, so we are fearing those tings that may trigger these emotions,  always fighting to 'avoid' them or to  'escape' from that prison. 

Neutral Response 

We forget that there is another type of feeling  we can experience and that is neutral...These emotions we are attached to because we deem them as pleasant  will never free us. The emotions we deem as unpleasant, that we run from, can never really imprison us unless we let them.  Neutral means no reactivity...just observing, experiencing and allowing all to flow through.  This is what happens when we are emotionally emancipated.  We are free from the effect emotional energy can have on us.  Our lives are no longer determined by our need and desperate seeking for pleasant and our avoidance of unpleasant.  We accept all and are free of suffering. Hmmm! 

This is what so many masters teach...using so many different terms to describe it...but it is all basically just freedom from the power our emotions have over us.  It doesn't mean we stop feeling...we are just no longer trapped by that feeling...no longer attached.   We learn to step back from reactive mind to that spacious Self within and view thee experience from there...neither good or bad...just as it is. 

Thich Nhat Hanh often spoke of and taught about the need to return to the Island and refuge of Self.  It ws one of the last teachings before the Buddha died. And I will share a lovely Gatha that I walk, breathe and mediate to in a separate entry....very soon.

For now, I am hoping you begin the process of setting yourself free.

All is well. 

If we get stuck in a feeling, it is because we still secretly believe that it will accomplish something for us. 

David R. Hawkins

A Damaging View

The sense of separation would never have arisen if you had not distorted your perception of truth, and had thus perceived yourself as lacking.

ACIM:T Chapter One: VI:2

Question 10: What is the most damaging view we can have? 

I actually thought I had deleted the above video so I repeated it, only to find out later I hadn't. Including this one too:

All is well!

The Continual Self

 

Man is nothing else but what he purposes, he exists only in so far as he realizes himself, he therefore is nothing else  but the sum of his actions,  nothing else but what his life is. 

Jean-Paul Sartre

On January 11th of this year I added a video entitled, "What Happens When We Die?" It was a response to one of the questions I pulled out from the jar in the exercise I am doing to better assimilate my learning. (An exercise I strongly encourage all of you to do as well.)  I am not sure where the question itself came from...if it was one of the questions asked to me or if it was one I heard asked to others, or if it was on the list of questions I picked up from my searching "Good spiritual questions to ask." Anyway, I gave a very imperfect and vague answer because in truth, I don't "know" what happens when we die. 

Anyway, because I don't listen to the news I was delayed in finding out that Thich Nhat Hanh had passed from a lengthy illness. I was saddened to hear of his passing.  At the same time, however,  I knew from his teachings (which had become such an important part of my life),  to him passing was simply a transition, not a death. I have assimilated that learning into my believing, and perceiving.  The below video was a lovely reminder of his teachings and how they have become a part of me. 

Reverence for the Teacher 

I often speak about not getting caught up in what I refer to as "guru syndrome" and the dangers of feeding the ego of another. I try to focus on what is being taught rather than my reverence for the "teacher".  Still...the teaching often comes to me in the form of a body of another. The teaching "forms"  I am most likely to listen to   are those that display genuine humility , sincerity and a selfless, ego-lessness that is felt in every cell of my body as I listen or read. There are so few of those teachers out there.  Thich Nhat Hanh, however,  was definitely  one. 

Reverence for the Teaching: The Continual Self 

In the video, ironically with the same name as the video with the question my silly "form" attempted to answer, "What Happens When You Die?" Thich Nhat Hanh tells us we don't die.  Sure our forms do but "The Continual Self " that wore the form for a certain amount of years goes on.  This "Continual Self"  is not born and does not die...it just is.  We will get to know this Self when we make the great transition but we don't have to wait until then.  We can seek this Self out now, place our awareness on it rather than all the mental formations and phenomena that get in the way of our knowing it. We can operate from that deeper Continual  Self rather than the little temporary self that takes us away from what is truly important.

By observing Thich Nhat Hanh  as he spoke without hurry or intensity, as he moved: one slow, purposeful step at a time, as he reached for something, as he took a drink of water  and as he smiled...it was easy to see how he was operating from that place of higher Self. He was so truly present in the here and the now and that essence radiated from him.  It touched me deeply and it was his essence, as well as his teaching, that guided this clump of flesh and mind I call "me" and so, so many others  farther onto this path I now find myself on.  I am so grateful. I am seeking the Continual Self in this form I label as mine, greatly because of the teaching and essence that came from his "form". 

Thich Nhat Hanh's was a sum of his actions for he realized who he was and taught others to do the same.  His teachings, just like his essence , will go on and on and on. 

All is well. 

Plum Village (January 22, 2022) what Happens When We Die?/ A Clip from a Dharma Talk by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2014-06-17. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xLbZZAjjY8

Responding or Reacting to Life Circumstance?

 All the world's a stage , and all men and women merely players.

William Shakespeare, As You Like It (Act 2, Scene 7)

Do you have a tendency to  react or respond to most of life's circumstances?  If you are like me, you probably react more than you respond.  Well ...here is another way of looking at it.

All is well. 

Embracing the Experience of "Cold"

 ...Vulnerabilities are merely the product of the mind, and the body will react to what is held in the mind. 

David. R. Hawkins

D. and I took the dogs for a walk in the woods yesterday.  Looking out the window before we left I had this assumption that it was the same degree of cold as it was the day before.  My mind said so. So I was expecting that. I dressed the way I usually do.    

About five  minutes into the walk , I begin to feel the cold going down my back.  The body's first line of defense kicked in making the skin's surface prickle up in some vain attempt to erect those little hairs all over  to warm me as it once did for my much hairier ancestors so long ago. My fingers went numb inside my mitts ( my mind told me that  would mean pain when I got home ).  I could also feel that wind warning the  exposed skin  of my face to find protection. It seemed that my body ws thinking for itself but it wasn't. The mind was sending a very clear message to the body, "It is cold, a lot colder than yesterday. Resist." 

As I walked on and I love walking in winter...I could  see that I was not truly experiencing the walk .  I could feel my body resisting the cold because my mind was resisting the cold. I was losing touch with the moment.  This awareness of the frigid external temperature and this judgement that it was colder than yesterday, possibly something that "shouldn't be" simply because it was not what I "expected," and the "unpleasant" feeling of it ...lead my mind and body to resist what is. I was as much aware of that resistance as I was of the experience of walking in the cold.  

I kept trying to "shake the feeling" and  bring myself back to  the here and now by observing my breath, listening to the crunch of each step on the frozen earth beneath me, feeling the soft January light pour  through the branches overhead. The physical sensations only progressed. 

It wasn't until I decided to include, allow, embrace the feeling of being cold, however,  that I relaxed into the whole experience.  My body's reaction to the mind's judgement that it was cold became my focus.  It was so cool (puny).  I did not view the experience as  "I am cold".  Instead,  viewed myself as being  inside this body that was contacting the cold. I really do not think, before that point,  I ever truly allowed myself to experience fully what it was like to be in a cold body. There was the situation of cold, the body directed by the mind to react to the cold and then there was this Observer experiencing it all. I was not the situation, the mind, or the body.  I was the Observer. I was experiencing the moment from there. 

It was "cool"to do that...in more ways than one.

All is well. 

Oops!

 Just a note to say : "Are we all one?"  was not the next question asked but for some reason...I had it in my mind that it was. Wanted to put them up in the random order I answered them in ...oh well...the next question  that I will add, in a couple of days, will follow nicely.

All is well. 

Are we all one?

 A human being is a part of the whole, called by us "Universe", a part limited in time and space. He   experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings  as something separated from the rest- a kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this self imposed prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely but the striving for such achievement is in itself,  a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security.

70 Year old Albert Einstein ( in a letter written to a rabbi who was seeking advice on how to comfort his daughter over the loss of her sister) New York Times https://www.nytimes.com/1972/03/29/archives/the-einstein-papers-a-man-of-many-parts-the-einstein-papers-man-of.html

Question 12 : Are we all one? 

Albert Einstein is often misquoted as speaking outright of " the reality of Oneness". Though that is not actually what he said, his words above point to the Oneness I speak of, that A Course speaks to...that so many great masters direct us to.  Does it not? Is he not speaking of liberation  by removing the delusion of separateness ? Hmm!

All is well. 

Not Guarding the Space?

 Be the ever alert guardian of your inner space.

Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

Protecting the Inner Space

Do you protect your inner space? Or do you blast it all over the page like I seem to be  doing here? 

I absolutely love my inner space, my solitude and quiet, my peace of mind,  and I want so much to protect it so I have a hiding place to retreat into when the world gets to be too much. .  Yet here I am on a public site with my vulnerable parts open and exposed as I bleed out all over the blank page.  

I found myself slipping into the fifth hindrance today...skeptical doubt.  I found myself, questioning as I do so often, "What the Fudge am I doing here?"  

Here I am, this person who likes solitude  and who has spent  much of life hiding in the shadows...not wanting to stand out...now writing, speaking and teaching (well...sharing my learning) about things that will definitely make "me" stand out ( and not necessarily in a positive way lol). 

Why am I doing this? Who do I think I am...I have not trained for years in a monastery to be a dharma teacher, nor do I have a PhD in psychology, theology or philosophy? Why am I exposing "myself" like this?  

I really don't know except I feel pulled to do it.  I will have these momentary pangs of doubt followed by a lot of shaming and self deprecation for my grandiosity ...I may even step back and away for a while...then the next thing you know I am coming here all excited to do it again.  What is up with that?  

I feel pumped when I come here to write or do a video. I mean, pumped.

Is it ego? 

I do still react to increases in readership or favorable comments by getting all puffed up like a peacock...I know that is ego.  I react to declines in readership as well...seeing that as a a sign that I am wasting my time; getting my just desserts for exposing myself so ridiculously. .  ( I mean ...I don't have a lot of readership in the first place and it is very hard to estimate how many readers I actually have on this site and why they are actually tapping in. So a decline makes me question if what I have to say is going anywhere.) That is ego too.

Am I gratifying my ego in anyway by coming here?  I don't think so...at least not a lot. Ego wants me to be read, for sure, but not "exposed" like this.  It wants my novels, fiction, and less risky topics to be published.  It wants to polish up a more socially pleasing image of "me"  to present to the world...not this totally imperfect, hippy like,  status quo questioning person. Yet...out she comes again and again.  And do you want to know the crazy thing about all this?  I like her lol.  I like the person who is speaking in my videos.  I resonate with everything said.  I like the writer I am reading when I reread through my blogs. I click with what is said.  So someone is getting something from all this..."me".

Is it "me"...this little clump of flesh, and mind; this accumulation of experiences, thoughts and feelings; this entity that calls itself a writer, speaker, among a thousand other roles...that is getting something from this, that I seem to be resonating with?  I don't think so.  I think it is something deeper than all that...that pulls me here every morning, that sits me down and whispers in my ear telling me what to write( not literally...I am not hearing voices lol), and that does all this without any real external validation or reward.  Like I said...I have no idea ( with the exception of a few kind, encouraging comments from a few readers) how all "this" ( whatever it is) is being received. It doesn't seem to matter. It is like the guiding force is telling me, "just do the writing and the speaking and do not concern yourself with outcome...that part is none of your business. We will take it from here." I feel a little pull, a gentle little push and here I am. Cra-cra...isn't it? 

Anyway...so I will continue to come here, write here and now speak here because I feel compelled to do so.  It may seem like I am exposing my inner space so carelessly, so recklessly...but I am being pulled to, and I would like to think,  for some greater good I may never understand. Hmmm! 

All is well. 

Bored?

 All of humanity's problems stems from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Blaise Pascal, Penses 139

Question # 8: Why is being bored so uncomfortable?

All is well

Observing the Patterns of the Mind to Prevent Reactivity

 Complaining and reactivity are favorite mind patterns through which the ego strengthens itself. For many people, a large part of their mental-emotional activity consists of complaining and reacting against this or that. ...Can you observe those patterns within yourself and recognize the complaining  voice in your head for what it is? 

Eckhart Tolle from Stillness Speaks

Some might view my entry yesterday as  a nit-picking self indulgent rampage.  There is likely  some truth to that but my true intention upon writing it was to share  what I am learning as I look into what Patanjali referred to as "mental modifications" .  True learning and the initial steps toward freedom occurs, I believe, when we look into our minds to see what is actually going on in there...to observe if we are reacting or responding to life circumstance...so we can make our way beyond habitual tendencies. 

The experience and "story" I shared yesterday was one small example of how "my" mind works in reaction/response to trivial external events. I am sure that others have had similar circumstances and similar reactions to such circumstances.  These mental modifications and habitual mind patterns that lead toward reaction are universal, aren't they? Why not open them up, expose them, so we can all learn from them? That is my view of it anyway. 

Sure I had some  residue of resentment and frustration over this trivial little incident lingering within me when I wrote yesterday.  It may have come out onto the page.  If so, it is what it is.  Most of that resentment and frustration, however,  I had worked through off the page and that is is why I felt it was worthy of sharing.  Of course, I did not work through it perfectly...I have far from mastered the ability to respond  but I am taking awkward steps toward that learning challenge. My goal was to show how we can avoid a lot of reactivity and its consequences once we become aware of our own mental modifications and go beneath them to the peaceful space of clarity within us.  We can emerge from there in response mode rather than reactive mode. 

But we have to be willing to look inside. Since we basically have the same mind habits as human beings...I am hoping my mind is a mirror for your mind, offering you some insight into your own tendencies. My learning can be your learning, maybe? I believe if we all learn to respond to life rather than react, the world would be a much better  place. 

All is well.

Speaking Out and 'Mine'-ness

 Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates:

• Is it true?
• Is it necessary?
• Is it kind? 

Unknown

Yesterday I was almost caught in a reaction but I was able to step back before I spoke out re-actively.  This "story" has a lot to do with the "my", "mine" when it comes to stuff  and how I view this stuff as a reflection of me.  If people do not respect "my" stuff, "I" (this little clump of flesh and mind I erroneously believe I am)  will feel greatly disrespected.  This was a tendency in me for a very, very long time. Life is helping me to work through this tendency by bringing people into my life who do not think the way I do. They have very little concern or respect for  property, in general. 

The Story 

I have Raynaud's Syndrome in my hands ( my hands get very cold and very painful if I expose them to the cold).  No big deal I suppose until you are left to go outside into an Atlantic Canada winter with nothing on the hands. I have tried many times to make this little fact clear to the people around, even breaking out in tears one day in my pleading for them to understand. Why?  So they would not leave me without a pair of mittens.

You see,  I have one pair of mittens. (That is my responsibility)  I have in the past reacted very strongly to people taking "my" mittens and using them to clean off cars and stuff...getting them wet and making them unwearable. Or taking them with them wherever they were going. I have made it a point to ensure the others who tend to take "my"  mittens have their own...that they have, in fact,  more than one pair so they would have the warm, pain-free hands I want to have and also so they would leave "my" mittens alone. Well, having little concern for material property ( and I strongly consider this lack of attachment to material things to be a very skillful  quality to have as long as it is mindful) they would easily forget or displace where they placed this hand-wear that I or others have given them. They could go through four or five pairs of hand-wear in a month. So there are times, in haste and not feeling they have the time to look for their own hand-wear, they will see mine and take it.  They may have the intention of returning what is "mine"  but because of what they label  as "forgetfulness", and what I see as a "lack of mindfulness" and  a different perspective than my own when it comes to concern for property or my expressed needs ...will often forget, misplace them or  they may  return these mittens wet and unwearable. 

Speaking Out

So I  proceeded again and again in the past to speak out  with my explanation about why I need my mitts, how important it is to me that they do not take them or return them wet, and how it triggers a sense of being disrespected and a feeling that my needs are not being considered, in me. That speech  is often met with the person's defensive view point ( and it is very normal when we feel confronted to get defensive) , "They are only mittens!  I never thought it was a big deal!" I will hold my ground and stress, "I do not want you to take my mitts again." They will usually shrug their shoulders, look confused about why I was so upset  and half hardheartedly agree. To which, I will usually sigh and walk away ...hoping that I made my point clear this time  but at the same time reminding myself I may have to hide, protect and defend  what I consider to be "mine"in living situation. 

If this scenario only took place once...it wouldn't be a big deal to me.  But the same scenario has happened enough times, the same words have been spoken enough times,  that I feel that I more than made myself clear.  After the sixth time of my explaining, complaining, pleading... I strongly felt, "It shouldn't happen again." I stopped hiding what was "mine"  because doing so  felt so petty of me...so "unwholesome".  There is, after all, no real "me", "my" or "mine" is there?  

"Oh No!  Not Again!" 

Well yesterday, while I was getting the dogs ready for a walk I went to grab "my" mittens from the place I was keeping them and they weren't there.  My heart sunk, "Oh no!  Not again!" The fact that I had no mittens to walk the dogs with was unpleasant enough but the real issue was that this triggered automatically that knot in me where I feel disrespected if "my" property or expressed needs aren't being  respected.  The new pain was bumping into some old pain. I felt terribly disrespected and unseen, unheard. What made this worse...was I knew this person had access to two pairs of their own hand-wear if they would have taken the time to retrieve it...hand-wear that was much too big for me to wear while handling the leashes. 

The intention to react was very strong in me when I was not even sure if this person had "my" hand-wear.  My gut told me they did though.  So I texted asking if they had my mitts...wanting to express the "wrongness"  of it, to evoke a bit of guilt... I worded it, "You don't have my mitts do you?" A subtle, "How dare you if you do."

I didn't wait for an answer.  I knew how it would make me feel to hear what I knew I would hear.  I didn't want an argument.  I didn't want to hurt the other.  I didn't want to hurt myself by getting all rawled up. ...so I left my phone where it was, borrowed a pair of mitts from my daughter...luckily she was home... and took my dogs, who waited much too long while I searched for mitts, for a walk.  While I was walking I began to ruminate over this situation.  I realized in an instant I was slipping away from awareness of where I was in the beautiful wooded spot with happy dogs, the snow coming down on top of us, the crunch of the earth beneath my feet and my breath. I was getting drawn into a reactive mind. 

I decided at that moment that I did not want to be disturbed.  That I would choose peace rather than this.  I came back to body, to breath, and to the beautiful surroundings I was in, to the present moment. I came home. It was a lovely peaceful walk. 

Not Reacting

When I did get back to the house, I slowly, without too much need to, checked my messages and there was the answer I thought would throw me over the top.  This person had my mittens.  I did not react.  I simply told them to drive home safely.  I told myself I would open a talk about it when it felt right and I would not sweat it. It is what it is.  The situation is what it is.  The hurt and frustration at the surface of me is what it is. The knot in me is what it is.  (Though it seemed to unravel a bit and I realized I was not ashamed of it being there anymore). This person is who they are.  I am who I am. Our relationship is what it is as it reveals itself even more. It was suddenly all okay as it was. 

Speaking Through the Gates

I knew I would express myself again at a time that felt right...and I would remember the above quote.  I would speak the necessary truth and I would do so kindly (that "kindly" also meant being kind to myself by gently asserting my rights). So I did.  I felt so distant from what I was saying like it was not a big deal to me...and it really wasn't ...the emotions had already passed through... but I knew this truth had to be expressed. The individual, who is kind, gentle and wonderful in so many ways, maybe  in his own guilt and sense of being attacked by truth, expressed that he felt I was once again making a big deal out of nothing. I listened but I did not own the usual shame I would have felt over "making a big deal about a pair of mittens". I felt calmer than I felt during the last six times I expressed myself about this. ...could feel that calmness and lack of reactivity in my voice and in every cell of me. I watched as what I was saying passed through the gate of truth, through the gate of necessity and through the gate of kindness. 

I have no idea if what I had to say was received, if I will see change in this area.  That is beyond me.  My part is done. 

Mine-ness? 

Will also have to look deeper into this idea of "mine-ness" again.  Is it unwholesome to possess and cling so to  something that brings relief from physical pain?  I know I would gladly offer these mitts up to someone I felt needed them more than me...in a heart beat...I just have a hard time allowing someone  take what is important to "me" in "my" body so mindlessly, so carelessly and so thoughtlessly when they don't need it (my perception only, of course).  I have to work on that.  And though I am making great strides, I am not there yet:  

As I sat here to write this morning, I began to look for the thumb drive that I back up all my writing on...everything I ever wrote, pretty much, is stored on that...and if you think I am overly protective of my mitts...you can imagine just  how protective I am of this drive.   I have more than expressed the "mineness" of it, and more than warned people not to touch it when they wanted to use it for downloading and printing purposes elsewhere. I was like "Everything I am is on that drive...no...you definitely cannot use it!"  I have spoke that truth more than once ...let me tell ya!  Well today I looked for it in its usual place and it is not there. You know where my mind is going, right?

Sigh! 

All is well in my world.

Have a Problem sticking To New Year's Resolutions?

 

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. 

Unknown

Question 8: Why Do I have a hard time sticking to my New Year's resolutions? 

Don't set yourself up for failure...set yourself for happiness and a lot of self compassion.

All is well!

Mesh Filters?

 Peace is letting it be. Letting life flow, letting emotions flow through you.

Karnal Ravikant

We are  just filters for all Life experience to flow through.  Do you believe that? 

Mesh Filters? 

I see our bodies and minds as mesh ( matter connected by patches of space...think of the molecular structure: atoms/sub atomic particles surrounded by space).  I see all Life experience: the events that occur around us and in us, the relationships we have with others, our words, our thoughts, our actions, our emotions and feelings, our consciousness as just energy.  Like water, this energy is meant to flow.  We are like the filters and strainers it flows through.  When we know who we really are and do not get too attached to the stuff flowing through; if we don't try to capture it, cling to it or believe it  somehow defines us; if we don't try to block it from coming trough...all of Life will just flow through us the way it is meant to. ...smoothly and naturally.  And we will be soothed and refreshed, delighted with every drop of Life that pours  into and through the spaces within us,  no matter if it is clear or muddied. We will just allow and observe, thrilled with the experience of being a strainer or filter for Life. This is the freedom of  true joy and peace we aim for...whether we know it or not. 

Clogging Up

The problem arises, however, when we get in the way of our natural purpose of allowing the flow.  The problem arises when we forget that we are like mesh and therefore that 90 % of us is formless, matter-less space.  The problem arises when  we  start to cling to certain energies or experiences saying, "I like that.  I want that.  I need that.  It makes the solid part of me more real" and we do not let it go.  The energy that was meant to pass through sticks to us. The clogs start forming.

The problem arises when we say, "No that will hurt.  I don't want that to pass through me." and we push away, stuff, avoid or project different experiences, emotions, thoughts or feelings away...instead of just letting them pass through. They don't go away...they become even more attached to us, blocking the awareness of the space...they just have not flowed through. So we  then become  "clogged", "blocked" and the energy that is Life cannot flow through the way it is meant to.  We do not feel that natural flow of peace, joy, love as filters and strainers for Life...becasue our space is too blocked up and our psyches are focused on our blockages.  These blockages are painful and every time new muddy  Life energy attempts to flow through it hurts like the dickens so we block the flow even more.  Our mission becomes about  preventing the flow through rather than embracing it. New pain bumps in and disrupts our old pain so we become even more determined to "block" the flow rather than allow it. We are getting more and more  clogged up and not experiencing Life the way we are meant to.

Freedom Means Cleaning the Filters so Life Can Flow.

Of course, we do not see that is what we are doing but that is what we are doing.  No doubt about it! If we want freedom in our Life; if we want to feel the joy and peace we were meant to feel, we need to clean our filters by determining what it is that is blocking them.  When you feel that "sting" or disruption; when you find yourself reacting to that comment someone made  or are all frustrated about  getting caught in a line of traffic. ...remind yourself that this is only because of your resistance to letting Life flow through you.  Recognize the disturbance and "allow" it, sit with it.  It is a way of telling you how clogged you are. Then allow the emotional energy of that experience to flow.  As it begins to flow through... because you are allowing it to...it will bump into other blockages...become aware of and allow those...as well...they will start to flow through pushing out more and more blockages if you simply stop resisting Life's flow.  Before long your space will be clear and you will experience how wonderful it is to be in that space, how nothing seems to disturb you from there. Life will flow easily through you. 

We need to clean out our filters people...get in touch with the spaces that make us mesh, more formless than form, keeping them clean and free of all the stuff that doesn't matter. We want the peace and joy that comes from allowing Life to flow through us easily and naturally.

All is well. 

Dedicated To Truth?

 Those who are dedicated to the truth are shown the truth.

David R. Hawkins

Do you believe that?

I am starting to.  The more I venture down this path, following that inner pull, the more I want the truth and the more I want the truth...the more the teachers and teachings show up in the form of  books, videos, messages, and life circumstance.  It is like...Wow!

I was looking for a quick read on my kindle the other day and David R. Hawkin's book , Letting Go...  showed up on my search.  I liked the title, seen he was a psychiatrist...so I thought...hmm! I need to read that so I can get  a psychiatric perspective on what I am learning. As I was reading I realized it was like a review of my most recent learning/writing/speaking  on the two hindrances: resisting and aversion but in psychiatric terms.  I found that very interesting.  I had no idea who the author was...have never heard of him ...but as I read on I could see him going beyond psychiatry to spirituality and it was like ...yeah! So much of what he said just clicked, you know?  It didn't give me new knowledge...it just helped to remind me of what I already knew at the deeper level. 

I did a quick search on Hawkins after I began reading and discovered that though he was a renown psychiatrist with a big practice during his lifetime...he was better known as a "mystic" and spiritual teacher.  I thought that was so cool.  There I was reading, hoping to get a psychiatric perspective on craving and resistance...and I was led right back to the spiritual ( the deeper level of understanding) back to the waking up and "truth" finding I am hoping to do. I am reading  now about his own awakening  and I feel a very serendipitous connection with this book.

Just sayin...

All is well!

David R. Hawkins (2012)  Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender. New York: Hay House

Question 7: How Does suffering Take Us Deeper?

Deeper...is always the best direction to go in.

Me

 Pain has its own noble joy, when it starts a string consciousness of life, from a stagnant one. 

John Sterling

What The Eyes Cannot See

 Not that which the eye can see, but that whereby  the eye can see, know that to be Brahman, the eternal, not what people here adore.

Kena Upanishads

What the Eye Cannot See

 My left eye is full of blotches and shadow I have to kind of work around to see what I am doing these days.  Very annoying but not that serious.  I broke through my resistance and did go in for a retinal exam that showed I do not have a retinal detachment...yeah!!!...but a vitreous detachment.  The jelly like substance that holds the retina in place is pulling away and detaching...partly due to the aging process...and partly, I believe anyway, due to the astigmatism ( I am assuming...and I don't know much...that  is why I am feeling the pressure in that eye all the time).  That on top of cataract formation and, man oh man,  it is a challenge to see out of that eye.  In the videos you will notice that I am straining at times to keep that eye, and therefore also  the other eye, open when I look directly at the camera. The vitreous will resettle eventually, the cataracts will eventually get to the point where we need to do something about them but for now I need to get used to this strange way of seeing.

A Strange Way Of Seeing?   

We all have a strange way of looking out at the world, don't we?  I mean we look out with our body's eyes and see objects (other people, places, things, thoughts, beliefs, feelings) , see them as separate yet we identify with those objects, get very, very attached to them...cling even.  And when we do this we forget all about "what" It is that is doing the seeing. 

Eckhart Tolle reminds us, in a video I cannot site because I cannot seem to find it, of the two dimensions on which we see and experience Life.  There is the superficial dimension...where all the "form" is...the objects we are observing are...and there is the deeper dimensions where the "subject" is that does the seeing..I mean the real seeing that goes beyond your eyes.  It is the "field of aware presence," that does the real seeing...not what people here adore.

So , at this point in my life experience, I am not seeing clearly through my body's eyes.  That is okay.  I really want to see better through the eyes of awareness. 

All is well. 

Beyond the Striving For Reasons to Be Proud

 Self awareness of one's true value is characterized by lack of defensiveness.  Once we have consciously contacted the truth of our real beingness- the nature of our inner self with all its true innocence, greatness, and nobility of the human spirit-we no longer need pride.

David R. Hawkins

You know there is a difference between self esteem and Self acceptance and Self awareness , right?  Self esteem is of the ego, awareness is of the Deeper "I". 

The World's Criteria For Pride

We live in a world that promotes the building of self esteem. It gives us a criteria to follow, a set of goals to achieve.  On this list is included things like : what type of role we play, our careers and how respectable they are, how well we do this job ,  how hard we work, how "ambitious and competitive" we are, who we associate with, with whom do we have relationships and how respectable and esteemed are these individuals, what have we accomplished, what have they accomplished, how much money we make, what we own,  where we live, how we look and, of course, the opinions others have of us. These are our self esteem builders...the goals we strive for.  When and if we are lucky enough to  meet the world's goals we are patted on the back  and told that we should  be "proud" of ourselves.  Ego swells with pride and in its inflamed state it carries us onto the next goal that will bring even more outer praise and inner pride.  Hmmm!  

Nothing really wrong with that, is there?  We are meeting one of Maslow's pyramid levels, aren't we? Isn't it psychologically promoted and "normal" to strive in this way? 

Yes, it is normal and there really is nothing wrong with striving for or meeting these goals.  The problem arises when we attach our Self value, invest all our Life energy into the attainment of these goals. A problem arises when we only accept ourselves, others , Life when we and the people we associate with  have met society's criteria for self esteem. 

The Refuge Beneath Pride and Self-esteem

Brother Phap Dung teaches there is no refuge in the external world.(video link below)  If we are lucky enough to meet these outer world goals, we will not find what we truly need by accomplishing things from the the world's criteria for success list .  We may find esteem and pride but that will not sustain us.  We won't find peace and self awareness on that list. And what happens if we are attached to that list and we don't meet those goals. ...when we are not esteemed by our colleagues, family and neighbors, when we don't have the type of job or income society respects, when we don't have the perfect relationships with perfect people?  Are we failures, forever lost without a refuge? 

Of course not!  The only real refuge is within.  These things on our esteem making list will not bring us to this place.  If anything, over attachment to the need for esteem, will bring us farther away.  Seeking esteem...seeking to inflate the ego takes us away from the thing we really want, whether we know it or not.  What we really want is a refuge from the ever changing, overly busy, unpredictable world around us.  We want the stable, solid and secure place of peace that exists within us all. 

Go ahead...meet some of these success goals and enjoy it while it lasts.  Just do not become too attached to esteem and the striving for it...it isn't real, not always guaranteed  and if you are lucky enough to achieve it, it will not sustain you .  Find the refuge within yourself, a refuge that will always sustain who you really are. Put finding  that.... at the top of any goal seeking list you might create.

All is well! 

David R. Hawkins (2012) Chapter Nine: Pride.Letting Go: A Path of Surrender. New York; Hay House. ( Kindle Edition) 

Plum Village/ Br. Phab Dung (December, 2018)  ..Discourse on Taking Refuge in Oneself. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLkfae0HtME

Question #6: Can I manifest the perfect life?

 

The bad news is your life will never be perfect.  The good news is you don't need a perfect life to be happy.

Picturequotes.com

All is well! 

Attention on the Uncomfortable

 Energy flows where attention goes.

Not sure who said that first lol

I was meditating today and was initially distracted by a piece of hair on my cheek and chin...it was tickling me.  My first inclination was to take my hand and brush it away but something stopped me. ...another intention to remain still. I took a deep breath, in hope that focus on my breath would draw my attention ( and the energy) away from my tickling skin.  It didn't.  The tickling turned to a prickling sensation and it seemed all consuming. I could feel my resistance to it in almost every cell of my body. It seemed the more I tried to resist, the worse it got.  You would think by my reaction to it, it was the sharp talons of a lion about to eat me...not a tiny, light piece of hair! I really, really wanted to lift up my hand and brush the hair away from my face. Still that intention to remain still was powerful enough to keep me from doing so.  The tickly, prickly sensation was becoming stronger and stronger. It turned into what I labelled as "pain".  

Instead of leaning away from the sensation, I decided to lean into it.  ...which was easy to do because it was a sensation that was taking over my attention.  I just breathed into it and let go of my resistance...I 'allowed' all my attention to go there.  I had judged it as "unpleasant" from the beginning but when I initially focused all my attention on it...I found myself wanting to judge it as "awful, painful, even excruciatingly uncomfortable."  It was just a piece of hair digging into my skin but it was sooo overwhelming. I watched myself judging and stopped resisting the judgement...took a mental step back and observed how I was mentally reacting to the sensation.  Took another slow, deep breath and let go of the judgement.  It was simply a sensation.  I reminded myself how all things come into our experience and how all things go...as long as we do not cling or attempt to resist.  So I made this feeling the focus of my meditation. I  watched as it increased in intensity.  I took another breath and on the exhale...the sensation's intensity began to diminish. I watched it as it slowly left.  It was the most amazing thing.

Such a silly thing, I suppose, to write about but every time we confront and reduce our tendency to react to external stimuli is really something to celebrate.  This little thing showed me...that it isn't external stimuli that overwhelms us but our mind's reaction to it that does.  If we let go of resistance and lean a little into the uncomfortable experiences of life we will see that they will pass through us without any damage done.  Hmmm! 

I just thought that was cool. 

All is well