Self awareness of one's true value is characterized by lack of defensiveness. Once we have consciously contacted the truth of our real beingness- the nature of our inner self with all its true innocence, greatness, and nobility of the human spirit-we no longer need pride.
David R. Hawkins
You know there is a difference between self esteem and Self acceptance and Self awareness , right? Self esteem is of the ego, awareness is of the Deeper "I".
The World's Criteria For Pride
We live in a world that promotes the building of self esteem. It gives us a criteria to follow, a set of goals to achieve. On this list is included things like : what type of role we play, our careers and how respectable they are, how well we do this job , how hard we work, how "ambitious and competitive" we are, who we associate with, with whom do we have relationships and how respectable and esteemed are these individuals, what have we accomplished, what have they accomplished, how much money we make, what we own, where we live, how we look and, of course, the opinions others have of us. These are our self esteem builders...the goals we strive for. When and if we are lucky enough to meet the world's goals we are patted on the back and told that we should be "proud" of ourselves. Ego swells with pride and in its inflamed state it carries us onto the next goal that will bring even more outer praise and inner pride. Hmmm!
Nothing really wrong with that, is there? We are meeting one of Maslow's pyramid levels, aren't we? Isn't it psychologically promoted and "normal" to strive in this way?
Yes, it is normal and there really is nothing wrong with striving for or meeting these goals. The problem arises when we attach our Self value, invest all our Life energy into the attainment of these goals. A problem arises when we only accept ourselves, others , Life when we and the people we associate with have met society's criteria for self esteem.
The Refuge Beneath Pride and Self-esteem
Brother Phap Dung teaches there is no refuge in the external world.(video link below) If we are lucky enough to meet these outer world goals, we will not find what we truly need by accomplishing things from the the world's criteria for success list . We may find esteem and pride but that will not sustain us. We won't find peace and self awareness on that list. And what happens if we are attached to that list and we don't meet those goals. ...when we are not esteemed by our colleagues, family and neighbors, when we don't have the type of job or income society respects, when we don't have the perfect relationships with perfect people? Are we failures, forever lost without a refuge?
Of course not! The only real refuge is within. These things on our esteem making list will not bring us to this place. If anything, over attachment to the need for esteem, will bring us farther away. Seeking esteem...seeking to inflate the ego takes us away from the thing we really want, whether we know it or not. What we really want is a refuge from the ever changing, overly busy, unpredictable world around us. We want the stable, solid and secure place of peace that exists within us all.
Go ahead...meet some of these success goals and enjoy it while it lasts. Just do not become too attached to esteem and the striving for it...it isn't real, not always guaranteed and if you are lucky enough to achieve it, it will not sustain you . Find the refuge within yourself, a refuge that will always sustain who you really are. Put finding that.... at the top of any goal seeking list you might create.
All is well!
David R. Hawkins (2012) Chapter Nine: Pride.Letting Go: A Path of Surrender. New York; Hay House. ( Kindle Edition)
Plum Village/ Br. Phab Dung (December, 2018) ..Discourse on Taking Refuge in Oneself. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLkfae0HtME
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