The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is, without needing to judge or change them in anyway. That immediately takes you beyond the ego. All mind games and addictive clinging are then over. There are no victims and no perpetrators anymore, no accuser nor accused. This is also the end of all codependency, of being drawn into somebody else's unconscious pattern and thereby enabling it to continue. You will then either separate-in love- or move ever so deeply into the Now together-into being .
Eckhart Tolle
Compassion For Others Grieving the Loss of Great Love
Suffering, suffering, suffering! I see so much around me and my heart wants to break under the weight of it. My children are all suffering with the pending loss of someone they love dearly, a someone who loves them and who was nothing but kind to them. Her body is being neurologically overwhelmed at the fastest of speeds by a small protein, a protein that creates such havoc in only one in a million people. One in a million...that, to me, is a very clear note from God saying, "You have been especially chosen, Your work is done. I want you home now Dear." Even though she is only a bit older than me her time is coming very soon. The disease progression is faster than normal human processing time. Maybe she has already left her body while her loved ones are still shaking their heads wondering what is going on. My children go between being numb to full blown grief over this pending loss. And seeing their dad suffer so makes it even harder for them. On top of that they have their own personal issues to deal with... those issues so many of their age group are experiencing: depression, anxiety, addiction. I feel so bloody helpless.
Pain Fueling Divisions
Though my heart breaks for my ex husband and what he is experiencing right now...I feel what I can "do" is limited. A line has been drawn after our divorce and "this" is on the other side of that line. I offer my services, my support but it won't be accepted because of that division...understandably. Yet our children have to cross back and forth over that line as they have done for sixteen years and so does my heart. I see the foolishness of such divisions now, and the pain those borders can cause. I am not saying that walking away from a relationship is something we should never do...No...our divorce was very necessary for both of us. We were not at our best together and because neither of us were truly healthy at the time of our union, what we mixed together with our energies became toxic. For everyone's sake we had to divorce. We both grew tremendously when we went our separate ways. Besides, if we didn't separate, he would never have found that "great " love he found with the woman he is losing now.
The Option of Separating With Love
But so much precious time was wasted on anger, and blame and resentment...on holding onto grievances...on clinging to the need for this line. And though we did our best with the children...they suffered from it. Not from the divorce...that never really bothered them...but from that line that was drawn between us. Instead of parting in toxic resentment over unmet expectations we had of each other to fulfill and fix, we could have taken responsibility for our own happiness, parting sooner with love and appreciation.
True Love Extends Beyond Divisions
I am feeling great love and appreciation now for all involved. I feel great compassion. I feel great pain. It brings me to tears many times a day. Though it may not be deemed "pleasant", observing others and this little clump of flesh and mind I call "me" through this experience has helped me to grow in greater understanding. I am grateful for that.
Appreciating What Is
This is Life doing what Life does and it is not mine to do anything about except offer love in the truest way. Love...true love...is not based on expectation and condition...it is simply appreciation for what is. As Eckhart Tolle teaches, we do not need to be loved to feel love. And it is so wonderful to be able to feel love and appreciation for all others, and for all of Life...even in times like this.
All is well.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres....Love never fails.
1. Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV
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