The more you ponder the impossibility of having your desires show up, complain about Life's unfairness, and get upset about what continues to manifest, the more those things define your reality.That's because whatever you focus on invariably shows up in your life-whether you want it or don't want it.
Wayne Dyer
I am trying to change my focus but I am also asking the universe to change a little with me to make it easier.. Is there anything wrong with that?
I had a bit of a vision of myself today as I was sitting at the kitchen table with my tea. I saw myself in a ring, a boxing ring, and Life circumstance was my opponent. Now it may have been a boxing ring but my opponent seemed to be, by the constant pain in my gut these days from so many quick "blows" , a Mixed Martial Arts fighter and a very good one. I am watching myself in this image, after another big blow (struggling trying to keep those I love safe from the unconsciousness of another that is proving to be quite dangerous and destructive), swaying backwards, staggering but not falling down. I felt the impact of the punch and kick. I knew instantly that it was a serious blow...that my opponent may actually want me out of commission this time ... but thanks to the work I have been doing with my mind, it did not knock me down. My practice keeps me standing and I am so grateful for that. It also keeps me peaceful and accepting of each blow too. So I am no longer putting my gloves up to my face or my forearm up in the air. I don't duck. I just stand there as each blow comes. I weeble and wobble with every hit of circumstance but I don't go down. Hmm!
This is how I often see myself. Though my response has changed , thanks to my practice, it seems I have been in this ring fighting circumstance my whole entire life. I have been knocked down, nearly put out of commission, so many times, but something in me never lets me stay down. I keep getting back up. I fought too...a lot in the past...getting a few good jabs out there. I scratched and clawed and pulled my opponents hair when I had to in an attempt to assert my strength but Life always seemed so much bigger than me. I could not get it to submit. And when I attempted to fight it, its defensive jabs seemed to come in succession, never giving me the opportunity to catch my breath or regain my balance... a right hook here, followed by kick there, and then some wrestling hold that would pull me down and take what was left of my breath away. Many times when Life had me down I just wanted to lay where I was and not get back up...I was and am so bloody tired...but something always seems to make me roll over, get back on these shaky limbs and stand up to Life.
With my practice I no longer fight back. I no longer have this delusion that I can bring Life down. I just take what she gives me, arms down at my sides, without resisting. I sway, I stumble, I stagger but I don't go down. Because I am so peaceful... I find my balance. And that is an amazing improvement in my approach to life circumstance Sigh! But...you knew a "but" was coming"... this is not what I want...to feel like a fighter in a ring with Life circumstance as my opponent.
I used to spend a great deal of my time looking for ropes. I wanted to get to them, possibly even crawl over them. They were my "hope"...a hope that says maybe you don't have to keep "fighting" Life or taking a beaten from her. Maybe with this woo-woo thing called intention and manifestation there is a way out of these circumstances . So I was constantly grasping for ropes.
But now that I am practicing acceptance,learning to take a punch; now that I am so centered and still in the middle of the ring, these ropes seem so far away. I stopped reaching for them somewhere along the line. I stopped hoping. And that is a good thing in many ways. It does mean that I am no longer looking to some future illusion to save me and it means that I am no longer looking for a way out of this moment . I am, however, still looking for a way out of this perception I have that I am in a ring fighting Life. Who wants to live like that?
Sure I have learned to take a punch without getting knocked down...but isn't there more to life than that? I would much rather be hugged by Life than punched by it. I want to see a different world...one where thee are no clanging bells, or ropes, or coaches in the corner. One where there is no one keeping score, no one attacking or defending. I don't want to feel like I am constantly being punched. It would be so very wonderful to be embraced by Life and perceive the world as if I am.
It is all perspective and perception. I know that. Life is neither a puncher or a hugger. It is just Life doing as Life does, randomly dishing out circumstances, as an effect to a cause. I am not in a ring...it just feels like I am. Life circumstance is not winning every round. There is no winners or losers. It just feels like there is. And because I am so punch drunk and exhausted my perceptions are tainted.
Though I appreciate this level of peacefulness I gained through my practice, I don't want to keep standing where I am, being punched. I don't want to continue enduring my life rather than living it fully. I want to feel life on my side, supporting me, protecting me, giving to me instead of hurting me and knocking me down. In order for that perspective to change, maybe this scenery needs to change just a bit . I want Life circumstance to change. Sigh!
So this abundance, in terms of the awareness of less challenge , more grace, that I am attempting to manifest with my conscious intention is a means of changing the scenery around me...maybe replacing the ropes with beautiful open spaces, the canvas floor with something I can dance or skate upon. I know what is really important can not be found out there but still I ask for some change in my "out there." Just enough to show me Life is not my opponent but my friend.
So I look at Life now and ask it to help me change the scenery, to add enough colour into my life experience that I no longer see the ring. I will do the mental work that needs to be done but I ask Life to join me in a better and much more wholesome perspective
I use my conscious intention to help me manifest my dreams.
All is well!
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