Laughter, Anxiety and Writing

 The trembling of laughter is the trembling of anxiety seen through a different perspective.

Alan Watts 

Hmm!  I love laughing.  It is one of my most absolute favorite things to do.  I love being around people who have the ability to make me laugh. I seek out funny things and funny people.  My most cherished memories are those times I recall trembling with laughter. I have this feeling though that I have not "trembled" enough, I have not laughed enough, especially in the last decade or so.

Anxiety trembling , however, is something I am a bit too  familiar with and  definitely not as fond of.  Over the last week or so, I have been brewing with a very low level anxiety that I refer to as the hindrance of "restlessness and worry".  I mean there has been apparent reasons for it, there has been a lot of external chaos...wakes, and grieving people around me ( I pick up other people's emotions), the uncontained activity of babies and children (as beautiful as that is), holidays and big suppers, the ongoing connection to the suffering of others, reminders of my financial scarcity,  my own confusion as I continue to awaken, and my writing which seems all over the place.  It is when I sit down to write that I feel this restlessness brewing the most. I feel it in my core.  I feel it in my shoulders. I feel something up.

The Natural Flow Impeded

Writing for the most part for me is one of those activities that is very "easy" and "natural".  (Don't get me wrong...it can be very challenging, time consuming, effort inducing and crazy making too...especially when it comes to submitting or preparing something for publication) .  But when I am just writing for writing's sake it is like a beautiful flow of energy comes from some place deep inside me, moves  through my mind, my limbs like water and just pours onto the page or screen.  What I am writing right here and now, for example,  requires so little concentrated effort.  It is like it is happening to me, not something I am making happen.  Does that make sense? Writing is like laughter...it just ripples and waves and flows through me creating this great trembling of release. Once it starts I cannot stop it until it is spent.

When I sit to write, and instead of feeling the light, easy flow of laughter coming from me I feel the trembling of anxiety, I know there is something that needs to be explored.  So I am observing this "trembling" : recognizing it, allowing it, looking deeply into into and doing my best to nurture it and myself.  I call  it up from the basement where my conscious mind wants to keep it hidden...and ask it to sit here beside me.  I put my arm around it and say, "Hello , restlessness and worry. Though I would much rather be laughing,  I see you trying to get my attention,I feel you in my belly and my shoulders, I hear you in my mind but I am not sure what it is you want me to understand from your presence. Please tell me"  And I do my best to just sit and listen. 

What does this feeling of restlessness and worry have to say? 

This is what I imagine it has to say ( and no, I am not hearing voices lol):

• You have had a lot of external going ons and you are absorbing it.  Though you have grown so much in regards to your ability to respond rather than react to life circumstance, you may still be reacting with thought which leads to emotional reaction , if not with word or action.  Recognize that and don't beat yourself up for it.
• Are you still attached to expectation and outcome?  Are you expecting that you should not be reacting at this point and are you less than compassionate with yourself when you see that you are reacting to Life circumstance....that you are actually feeling restlessness and worry?   That's okay...go from here.  
• Are you attached to writing expectation and outcome?   Most of this anxiety seems to come when you sit down to write.You look to writing as if it were a Guru guiding you to peace and enlightenment. You expect to feel better with every page written , not more confused or restless.  Right now your Guru is trying to teach too many subjects at once, maybe? You have so many things you want to write or finish, so many things started, so many ideas. It is hard to find peace there.  It is hard to find solace when there is no clear path or direction to go with that.  Do you need to stream line your writing focus? Do you need to focus on writing more poetry or getting  some chap books together?  Do you write more articles and essays and get them out there?  Do you just focus on this blog? What about the books you are writing or have written?  A great deal of restlessness comes up when you sit down before this book you are revamping. You are not clear in what you want but at the same time you have these expectations of yourself being able to whip through the 300 pages with ease...turning them all around to make it more "reader friendly" than you assumed your original manuscript was. You keep meeting obstacles and the writing process isn't flowing the way you want it to flow...the way, you tell yourself, it "should" flow. That "should" is just expectation, a mind thing, and it is not skillful or wholesome... Do you think you actually need to revamp this book at all? Whatever you are experiencing in your writing just is...nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so.  Hamlet
• Hmm! Do you think your renewed desire for publication and getting your message out there is contributing to this attachment to outcome worry? Didn't this feeling get more intense when you told yourself a few weeks ago that is was time for more  publication? ...You had this idea you "needed"  to submit "something" for publication in all the genres you write in.   You put pressure on yourself for publication. 
• You have been feeling "scarcity" not only in income but in what you see as "writing success"?  You were questioning why this type of success has not yet manifested in your life...you have done both the external and inner work...why isn't it happening? This brings you back to the core belief of not being worthy of the abundance Life has.  You see it as punishment ...yet you are learning that this is not how Life operates.  So you are confused. Putting even more publishing pressure on yourself...not only to prove that you should be writing but also to prove  that you are not being punished by the universe. You are expecting publication to put an end to this core belief once and for all. 
• You were testing Life, weren't you? You wanted some sign that both your spiritual practice and your writing practice were leading you somewhere. So you told yourself that you, at least, had to try to get a publication. If you got a publication, it would be a sign to keep going. Even when you got a publication, was it enough?  You wanted more of a sign....and then another...and another. 
•  Do you need a sign to do what you love to do?  Think about that.  Do you need publication to validate that you should keep writing?  That you should keep up with your spiritual practice? Are you going to stop if you do not become more and more published? Why do you want publication?  
• What part of you is feeling "stress" when you sit here?  What part of you is feeling restlessness and worry?  It is obviously coming from the ego part of you.  It is a hindrance to you getting to where you want to go but it is also a wonderful opportunity for you you to see how your mind is behaving.  You are watering unhealthy seeds of expectation , attachment to outcome, judgement of self, skeptical doubt, outer world pursuits, ego gratification, etc. Use mindfulness and compassion to surround what you allowed to grow in your mind ...then water the seeds of non-judgement, equanimity,compassion, peace, awareness, acceptance of what is, enthusiasm for what you are doing, and patience instead. 
• Allow a healthier approach to  your writing naturally emerge with awareness and acceptance... allow patience, compassion and joy to emerge. 
• Understand what part of you is guiding that intention to write : The ego who wants to be known and saluted  as writer or the deeper you that does not see the "me" in this and wants what has come through you to be recognized? It is the deeper  you, right? Gently let go of ego intention and write what comes from the deeper you.
• Write ! Write ! Write!  Laugh!  Laugh!  Laugh!

Hmmm!  Well that was long winded and probably quite boring to read but that is what came out lol.  So I leave it up.

The point made is that though we laugh as often as we can, we need to salute restlessness and worry when it shows up.  Don't push it down...just recognize it, accept/allow it, look deeply into it and nurture Self and it when it shows up. With practice, before long, we will view anxiety and laughter in the same way...harmless and worthy of our attention.  The  trembling of anxiety and the trembling of laughter after all, come from  the same source...both have the potential of enhancing our lives. It is all  just energy... allow it to flow through. 

Big Questions

 Who am I and what is my real nature? 

The Yoga Vasistha

I have been reading the Vasistha and have come to see the universal truths shared in its words.  This question, of course, was the question asked by Maharishi in his Self-inquiry. When Emperor Bali seeks to know all from his guru he continues to ask other questions:

• What is the NOW?
• What is there BEYOND?
• What is THAT which is limited?
• Who am I who speaks?
• And YOU who hear? 
• What is this material universe? .

The answer he receives form his Guru is that ALL IS WISDOM! 

Hmm! 

All is well!

All is Wisdom

I tell you this, all the manifestations before us here are wrought of wisdom, the unmanifested is also wisdom. I, who speak , am wisdom, and you, who hear.  The entire universe is naught but all- full wisdom.  Take these conclusions, impress them upon the Reality of Wisdom.  If you can accept Reality, you will attain the Supreme state.  

The Yoga Vasistha, Location 831

Growing

 You are a product of the karma of your soul. The disposition, aptitudes, and attitudes you were born with serve the learning of your soul. As the soul learns the lessons it must learn to balance its energy, those characteristics become unnecessary, and are replaced by others.  This is how you grow. 

Gary Zukav, page 104

Intentions create our reality and until we are truly mindful of this we create our realities unconsciously. If we are operating in the Fear spectrum of human emotion: anger, vengeance, regret, resentment, guilt, shame, sorrow and despair etc we manifest from there. We feel  depleted, exhausted, down and negative.  Life may appear harsh, punitive and unfair. 

If we are operating from Love...the highest energy level...we are buoyant, radiant , light and joyful.  Life will appear so different to us. It may take us forever to realize this but eventually we come to see that love heals everything and love is all there is. 

We want to grow toward Love and we are constantly given the opportunities and experiences to do just that. 

All is well.

When you chose to respond to life's difficulties with compassion and Love instead of fear and doubt, you create a "Heaven on Earth"-you bring the aspects of a more balanced and harmonious level of reality into physical being. Page 113

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

Intention and Daily Duty

 

Are you able to do your daily duty without effort , or are you affected by it? 

Yoga Vasistha, Location 637

I am not quite sure what my "daily duties " are these days but I am obviously still affected by what I "do or "don't do". I feel a bit of a tightening in my gut...a bit of a tension in my shoulders as I sit here.  I had begun, like I tend to do each day, reading what was read over the  last 24 hours and that is when I noticed the tightening.  I had looked at the clock to see that it was already 1130 and realized the morning was over and I have yet to write a word. That is when the tightening became even more apparent.I felt restlessness and worry/regret and I want to explore why?

 I was about to proceed with the unconscious flow of energy that I usually flow with just because that is what "I do"....when the body started knocking at the door of my psyche  with  "Yahooo...hey you up there...is this really what you want to do...read what others read for the next 30 minutes?...By the time you finish, will you have any of that "inspiration" you sat down with still vibrating enough for you to heed it? You came here to write, to do the "soul's work" possibly...(if that is not too much of a stretch)....not to feed the ego, not to get lost once again in "desire". Be mindful of your intentions! Be mindful of your intentions!"  

I am feeling restless because my intentions seem to be conflict.

Hmmm! 

What are my intentions? 

Every experience, and every change in your experience reflects an intention. An intention is not only a desire.  It is the use of your will. Zukav, page 91

My morning passed so far with the greatest intentions.   I felt like I was sticking with the plan. My major intention, at this point of my life, is to awaken, to get to a higher level of understanding, to free myself of a need to run after that which I erroneously assume will make me happy  or to spend my days resisting that which I erroneously believe will make me suffer more. I want to be free of the mind's control.  I do not need to wrestle my poor mind to the ground and pin it down...but I want to be detached from the crazy things it does. I want to approach each moment without judgement, expectation and a need to know what will happen next! I want to see clearly that "I" am not what my mind does. So that is how I "intend" to start every morning...reflecting on this truth, examining my mind a little bit and detaching from the crazy things it does, pondering  words of wisdom that come  from other sources before turning inward to find that truth within myself ( past the level of mind activity). That is my morning in a nutshell...to do that I try to incorporate some Tai Chi (just recently back to doing five minutes a day), yoga: Sun Salutations, and some walking meditation.  Then I listen to some wise teachers on Youtube who, for some reason, I trust. I read. Right now I am rereading and doing my best to truly understand what Gary Zukav wrote about in, The Seat of the Soul.  For some reason, I feel compelled to simultaneously read, a translation of the Yoga Vasistha. trying to connect dots of wisdom. I don't swallow everything I take in without digesting it.  I let it brew inside me for a bit before I decide if it is something I will keep or let go of. Then I meditate. 

Seeking Harmony

Now, there really is nothing wrong with this...I am seeking harmony of the mind, aren't I? :

When harmony is established in the mind, it will naturally follow that one will want to do good deeds and read good books pertaining to the truth. 

The Yoga Vasistha ( Location 443)

That is how I pass most of my morning hours before coming here.  Lately it has just been taking more of my time. ...and I seem to be coming here later in the day. For some reason that unsettles me...and that may have more to do with my ego than my deeper motivation.  Ego still wants to be productive and "do"...measuring its success and failures by how much I get done in a day and how quickly and efficiently I get it done.  It does not know how to account for the first three hours of my day spent doing what others might consider, "nothing"...and wants to make up for it with some show of productive measurement.  If I come here and write something significant from all the "nothing" work I did in the morning, than that will turn that "nothing" into "something". (Well...so it likes to tell itself)  Sigh! 

Conflict of Intention

Still tangled up and that is what I felt in my belly and shoulders this morning...this sense of being tangled up in ego's web...still. I am still operating, at least partially, from  what Zukav would describe as a "splintered personality".A splintered personality experiences the circumstances within its life as more powerful than itself. page 92 I still have conflicting intentions, it seems.  What my spirit wants, ego/personality  is still not sure it wants? 

Intentions are powerful.  They set in motion processes that affect every aspect of our lives. What I do here every morning prior to writing is so important to me...so important to the deeper part of me, even if ego has yet to see its significance. I need to remind myself of that and to be constantly on guard , knowing that what I really, really want will only be found through the intention of being committed to my morning practice.  I intend freedom and awareness...I am committed to the practice. Someday, personality will be too. 

I am not sure if the restlessness I feel is totally due to this.  I will explore farther but for now I focus on my intentions.  

All is well.  

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

The Yoga Vasistha/Translated by Rishi Singh Gherwal (2021) Kindle Edition

Good Friday

 The dripping blood our only drink,

The bloody flesh our only food: 

In spite of which we like to think

That we are sound, substantial flesh and blood-

again, in spite of that, we call this Friday good. 

T.S. Eliot

I am sitting here on a rainy Good Friday. A distant voice from my past rings inside me saying, "You should be in church."  Today I am actually supposed to be at a funeral but becasue of this lingering COVID cough that doesn't seem to want to go away, I decided against it. But that is not the voice I am hearing when I am being reprimanded for not being at church. It is the voice of my parents, I am hearing,  the voice of all the nuns who taught me Catechism over the  years, the voice of my neighbors, my community, reminding me that it is Good Friday, the most sacred day on the Catholic calendar.  Though it is diminishing in its "guilt-driven" power over me, that voice will likely never go away. 

I grew up in a very strict Catholic household.  The Church was everything. (Yep...we didn't say "church", we grew up saying, The Church). On Good Friday we would go to the basilica  in the morning to say the stations of the cross...meaning we would walk around to 14 stone carvings,  each representing a moment in the Passion of the Christ, depicted as a scene on the wall.  At each station we were to recite a few practiced prayers, and then "think about" what Christ went through for our sins. We were to make at least three revolutions around the stations. ..before kneeling at the altar. Then we would leave the church, only to return again for the 3 PM service where the priests would pretty much act out the Passion of the Christ through a very long gospel. It was always such a sad and somber day, long and "boring" as a child. We were not allowed to play, not allowed to eat meat or to break fast until the fish we got to eat at supper. I remember that.  But it is also a day for gathering  round a good feed of fish and chips.

I don't go to church but I do eat fish. Fish on Good Friday became one of those traditions I held onto.  It is something we all look forward to every year but so do most of the people in my community, making the ability to get a good feed of fish and chips a challenge on this day.     My father would say I was selecting  the "easiest" traditions to adhere to and not doing what my conscience, my heart and soul wanted me to do.

Hmm!  I think my heart and soul are okay with just keeping this Good Friday ritual of  the fish ( well for now I am starting to feel the twinges of guilt for eating fish).  My conscience is pretty clear. The guilt that would plague me if I did not go to church, did not take part in the rituals and sacraments was once overwhelming.  I was also terrified, so sure I would be spending eternity in the place where no B-B Q is never necessary, every time I skipped out.  Though my original motivations for stepping away from the conditioning of my past was purely selfish and partially unconscious: I didn't want to bother.  It was so much work and it never made me feel better.  I also  hated the "guilt"...my motivations have changed. It doesn't suit my spiritual need anymore, purely personal.  

I have no battle  with the church...I see it as a collective energy needing to express its beliefs and connectedness through ritual and sacrament.  It definitely doesn't have the greatest history as an organized religion in as far as the damage that was done, and in which it may be still lacking accountability...but it does have its beauty and its goodness.  Many, many people within its congregation and clergy have nothing but pure compassion and Love in their hearts. Many find the peace and solace they need through the church. So I am not, by any means, calling down the church or organized religion in general. I am not suggesting that people should walk away from the religions and traditions of their past like I did.  (I didn't even really walk away, I just let it slip out of my grip...like beach sand through the gaps in my fingers.) At the same time, I encourage people to look deeply into and question everything.  When I did that...that is when I discovered a need for more.

I still very much love and do my best to adhere to the teachings of Christ. I just see so much similarity between what He taught and what other teachers taught.  I don't see that there is just  one faith or one church that is "right", making all other faiths "wrong". I can't think like that anymore.

So on this Good Friday, I may not walk up all the stairs of the Basilica.  I may not worship as a Catholic.  But I still pray and think of what Christ has done for us.  I have great reverence...and then I eat fish and chips.  Hmm!  

All is well in my world.  

Light of Consciousness

 By choosing your thoughts and by selecting what emotional currents you will release and which you will reinforce, you determine the quality of your Light. ...Light represents consciousness.

Gary Zukav , page 79

It is already 2PM and I am just tapping out my first few words here.  This is my daily priority yet I find it is being gently pushed more and more to the end of the day.  Most of my writing "ommpf" is usually drained out at this time of the day but this is more often becoming  the time I open my blog. So I sit here,now saying to myself, "Well I finally got here...What do I write about?" 

Light? 

I am reading Chapter Six of Zukav's book. The chapter is about  Light.  As I was reading this  morning I heard myself saying, "Man I wish this were all true.  I love what Zukav  says and it resonates with me.  It feels like it should be true." And I just slurp it all up like a chocolate milkshake through a straw. It does resonate with so many other teachings I have studied over the years...so, so many.  Most recently ACIM and the Yoga Vasistha and it have many connecting points.  They use different language, analogies and concepts as pointers but they do point in the same direction.

Going Vertical

Our goal in Life is to balance our soul with our personality by establishing and relying on our higher Self.  We want to remember who we really are beneath these bodies, minds  and personalities.  We want to stop putting all our energy and effort into controlling the horizontal world which is ego's illusion of the  physical world...and  take, instead,  the vertical road ...which is the spiritual road that will bring us home.  

The Non Physical

We are evolving from limited beings dependent on what the five senses provide to determine our reality, to beings that can sense a reality that is not picked up by our five senses. We are beings surrounded, Zukav and others tell us,  by other invisible beings that are here to teach us or here to guide us.  For many of us, it is next to impossible to even consider that this could be true because we only perceive and accept the world the five senses relay to us. If we cannot see it or hear it...it isn't "real".

I believe there is so much more out there that we cannot see and I have felt the compassionate hand  of some inexplicable "something" more than once at the small of my back guiding me forward.  I have felt wisdom from some great teacher being downloaded into me on more than one occasion as well. I cannot prove it but to date science has not been able to "disprove" it either. It is just a big "I don't know but maybe". 

It is a nice "maybe"  and I find myself praying, writing, speaking to, asking questions of,  and being grateful for this "maybe". 

Light Energy Within

All of us would agree, wouldn't we, that light exists?  We agree that there is a speed to light as well.  But all light is, according to science as well as to the Vasistha,  a reflection of that which sheds no light. Light is energy and when its frequency is slow enough we can see its reflection, this is physical light.  Soul light...that energy that comes from the soul in the form of creativity, compassion, gratitude, peace and love...operates in the same way as physical light but it is much, much  faster and too bright for the human eye to see. It is invisible but so much more powerful than even physical light. Too many of us are not operating at the radiant soul level because personality,which is a physical type of light,  operates in lower energy forms...with emotions like fear, anger, regret, shame, guilt, despair etc. If we are thinking thoughts that generate such low grade feelings we are not experiencing the higher frequencies we were meant to experience. 

We will stay in low energy frequencies, feeling emotionally down and sick until we recognize that there is another reality beyond what the five senses pick up.  Until we recognize there is a possible  higher frequency to operate under, until we consciously choose more life affirming thoughts and beliefs, so our emotional frequencies can radiate with Love, compassion, peace etc...e will not evolve to the higher level of Light radiation humans are heading toward.  We will not consciously recognize the teachers and guides that want to lead us there. Well that is what Zukav explains in the book. 

What do you think about all that? Even if you do not see the "light within" or believe that you have any "non-physical guides or teachers"  maybe you still believe there are levels to our consciousness and that the more conscious we are, the more aware and able we are to let go of  feelings and thoughts within us that are not wholesome and do not serve.  We need to mindfully and skillfully choose our thoughts and selectively water the feelings we want to turn into action and intention for the betterment of the world. We want to shine light not darkness out Life. 

All is well in my world. 

Gary Zukav ( 1989/2014)The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster 

The Final Question

 

The question, "Who am I?" , is really not meant to get an answer.  The question, "Who am I?"  is   meant to dissolve the questioner.

Ramana Maharishi 

Question 50: How does asking the question, "Who am I?", set us free?

Completion of a Project

Wow!  I did it...well my body and mind, together with many unseen and inexplicable variables,  did something that resulted in a completion of specified action. I completed the 50th video, answered the 50th  question.   

It...this meager achievement, if you want to call it that... really has little to do with "me" though it came from me in the form of intention and volition.  I said I was going to do it and I committed myself to the effort of doing it. That was "my" part (I hate saying "my" because we really want to grow away from those pronouns, don't we?) The rest of the process was just up to Life.  I was not and am still not attached to outcome.  My motive was very intrinsic...to learn what I am learning. Obviously, no ego was  involved, as evidenced  by the unedited, unpracticed imperfection of each video ...which was what I wanted.  I did not want ego to step into this and take over. It was not about getting anyone out there to like "me"....it was all about the assimilated learning.  What did I learn?  What can others learn from this? 

I said I was going to answer 50 questions as part of this strange experiment I underwent to test my own learning. I said I was going to pull a random question from a jar and answer it within ten minutes. I said I was going to post it ,"as is", without editing and revising.  I said each answer was going to be authentic coming off the cuff so I could see how much learning I actually assimilated on my journey so far. And I felt this compulsion to share it in hope that this learning could help others. That is what I did and what you find here. 

Very few will see these videos or go through the trouble of watching them.  There are so many other videos out there that are more attractive and of better quality... and there is actual teachers out there better suited to share this learning. I know that. Still I felt compelled to do this and I did. It is exactly as it is meant to be. 

What I give here, as I do with everything on this blog, with my writing in general, with all the forms of creativity I offer... is my True Self...my higher Self through a very imperfect form and mind. I believe that is what we are all meant to give. 

All is well

Get Off the Hamster Wheel

 Use every moment of your life to let go of whatever is trying to make you not let go.

Michael Singer

Many of us are caught on a hamster wheel, going round and round, in hope of  getting somewhere.  

Where do we hope to go?  

To a place we feel well, happy, peaceful or at least better than we feel at the moment. 

Is this wheel getting us there? No. 

What is the wheel? 

 It is our constant searching and striving  to appease the mind when it says "Go there, get that...that will make you happy...that will make it all better....Don't go there!  Don't do that!  You don't want that!  That will make you feel worse.  That will cause pain!  Avoid! Push away!"    It is the wheel of grasping, clinging desire; the wheel of stuffing, avoiding, resisting that we are on. So much effort, so much energy we expend on this ever revolving wheel and guess what? ...We are not getting closer to that place of wellness, peace and happiness, in fact we are not going anywhere.  We are just going around in circles,getting dizzy.  

Why can't we just get off?

We seem to be stuck on this wheel for many reasons.  Number one, something within us tells us that the wheel works in getting us to where we want to be.  Something convinces us that tomorrow...if we are really careful to push away the unpleasant and grasp for the pleasant, clinging to it with all our might when we get it...if we work really, really hard and run really, really fast ...then this wheel will take us there. We are conditioned to believe it works and that  it is the way to go.  It is what all hamsters do, right? Just look over at the dude in the next cage...he is going full tilt on his wheel...and the gal behind ya...she is going all out on hers.  We have come to believe that this is what we are supposed to be doing.

Number two, it is a habit.  We have been doing it for so long...it has become a piece of who we are.  Habit mind is operating here and habit mind seems to be in control. It may seem impossible to break this addiction. 

Number Three, we also don't always "want" to get off.  "What happens if I do not have the momentum of activity to distract with?" We may ask ourselves?  "I will have to sit with all those feelings I have stuffed and spent my life running  from!  Man, I don't want that. "

If the Hamster Could Only See the Futility of its Effort

Can you imagine yourself as a hamster on this wheel, a hamster that had the ability to think like a human? What would be the first thing you would do once you realized that this wheel was not getting you anywhere?  Would you get off? I would.  In fact, I did. After a few years  dealing with the dizziness-hangover  I am now pretty grounded.  I am a heck of a lot closer to reaching that state of wellness I am wanting.  I am more well than I have ever been.  I am also more peaceful and happy ( like authentically happy) than I have ever been. I feel like I am getting somewhere...well ...I am actually getting to  "no where", a nowhere   that does not involve a fruitless waste of precious energy and effort.  It is a "nowhere" because it cannot be found in the "out there" that  I spent most of my life travelling in, grasping for what I liked and pushing away what I didn't like. 

We can get off the wheel and we are better off when we do. Part of us knows this, part of us  really, really wants off.  The other part will do whatever it can to convince us not to get off.  Who do you think we should listen to?  The part that says, " keep going around in circles getting nowhere", or the part that says, "stop spinning, stop wasting your energy going nowhere, relax and settle in to what you really want because it is already here."   

That's the truth we can't see when we are constantly running for or running away: The wellness, peace and happiness we are hungering for are already inside us.  We don't need to go "out there" to find it.  In fact we can't find it out there.  As long as we are running on that wheel...we cannot relax.  If we cannot relax, we can't fall into the abundant beauty  of what is.

You are not a hamster! Get off the wheel and relax into the wellness, peace and happiness you deserve. 

All is well!

Sounds True/ Michael Singer ( March, 2022) Michael Singer Podcast: The Stages on the Spiritual Path-the continuum of Letting Go https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W23Qob0d6rA

Knowing Soul

 

To realize Oneself as Brahma is the goal; but to know the soul as distinct from the body is to know the truth and be free from ignorance. ...Know then, this body, this wealth, this kith and kin are not real. Atma [soul] alone is real and eternal. Perform actions in this world without being absorbed by them.

Yoga Vasistha location 291

Starting to wonder if Zukav got his information from the Yoga Vasistha?   So many similarities.  The Vasistha speaks to the limitations of the five senses and the limitations of the self/body  we identify as so often. It speaks of the importance of making the distinction between our body personality ( though it does not use that term) and our soul...and how we need to balance them.  It speaks to the need to expand beyond our entanglement with worldly form so we recognize the brilliance and the intentions of the soul.  Hmmm! Of course, other teachings speak to this as well.  In fact, I cannot get over how uncanny it is that the story of Rama is so much like the story of Buddha.  Was this text and teaching a means to bring The Buddhists back to the Veda's?

I have no idea.  

All is well.

Being Open to the Guidance

Impulses, hunches, sudden insights and subtle insights [messages from the soul or the advanced intelligence that serves the soul] have assisted us on our evolutionary path since the origin of our species.  That we have not recognized the guidance that has come to us in this way is a consequence of seeing reality through our five senses. 

Gary Zukav, page 64

How connected are you to this invisible and often inexplicable wisdom, guidance and support you are receiving 24-7?  Are you looking for it?  Are you open for it? If you are, is your radio dial tuned into the right channel? Do you even believe what Zukav suggests and most importantly what Jesus promises Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7

I am definitely open for it at this point in my Life.  I ask, I seek, I knock like its no one's business.  Sometimes I hear the answers so clearly, other times I don't.  It is like I am waiting by the radio with my hand constantly moving the dial.  I hear a lot of static but I cannot strain enough to hear what is beyond that static. I am straining to hear with my body's ears, to see with my body's eyes...to feel this guidance with the five senses.  

Zukav, as does Christ, assures us that we will receive when we ask.  It may come to us, however, in a way we cannot understand. It may come to us in a way and time frame that differs from our personality's expectations but it will come. 

How do we learn to become more aware and in tune with this guidance, according to Gary Zukav:

1. Intuition has little , if anything, to do with the intellect and everything to do with the heart. We need to become aware of what we are feeling.  Stop repressing, numbing, avoiding and hiding from feelings.  We need to learn to look deeply into the store house of the emotions we have inside and feel. We need to allow feelings to flow through us so they are not blocking our frequency transmissions.  Otherwise we will block the energy channels for this intuition to come through to our conscious awareness. Only through emotions can you encounter the force field of your own soul.
2.  Need to cleanse the body of food toxins.  Cleanse the body, cleanse the mind and therefor cleanse the soul.
3. Honor the guidance we receive.  We need to be willing to hear what our intuition says and act accordingly. Many of us are afraid or do not like what intuition tells us becasue it goes against what the ego wants...but willingness is essential. 
4. Be open to Life and the Universe...trusting that it knows what it is doing, that there is a reason for everything. 

Intuition is part of our experience here on earth in this incarnation.  When our bodies die... so will it...but for now...it is a wonderful guiding tool for us to access anytime we need to. It serves our survival, our creativity, and our inspiration, acting like a "walkie- talkie" between soul and personality.  In a sense, it is the tool of the our higher Self, the communicator between the tiny personality and the whole, all encompassing soul.  This intuition can also help us to tap into other soul energies of higher wisdom for guidance. 

We need to work to keep our channels free of negativity and blocked emotions, free of doubt and skepticism so we can reap the wisdom to be gained through our intuition and communication with the wise. 

All is well! 

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

Psychotherapy and Enlightenment

 

The ego tries to convince us that we must "do" things to achieve enlightenment.  The spirit knows that enlightenment is not a matter of doing, but a magnificent consequence of being. 

Daniel Jackson

Question 49: Can psychotherapy play a part in enlightenment? 

All is well!

Moving Forward Consciously

Please show me the way to bliss that is above pain or pleasure, doubt or delusion.  That eternal state can't be reached by the five senses.  I desire the path by which the Great Righteous ones manage to escape from the sufferings of this world. 

Yoga Vasistha Kindle Edition  

Hmm!  I have a yoga class in a few minutes but I felt compelled to come here first to jot down a few words.  I is the most important "ritual" of my day and our days are full of rituals , aren't they?  that brings me to what I was writing about yesterday in reference to the first laws of a motion: a body in uniform motion will remain in uniform motion until it is acted upon by a force?" 

How much of our daily habits and rituals are part of this uniform motion?  I believe these things are perfectly okay as long as we are mindful of  the motives for our doing and those motives and intentions are wholesome and skillful leading us toward a higher understanding...rather than a numbing effect. I can honestly say that my being here with my words is wholesome and skillful.  The yoga teaching I am about to do is wholesome and skillful. Time spent with my grandchildren and children...wholesome and skillful.  Deep conversations at the table with D. in the mornings...wholesome and skillful.  My reading and listening...studying and seeking "pointers" from others on how to get to where I want to be...wholesome and skillful. My walks in the woods...wholesome and skillful. 

So I am moving forward consciously in many ways, there is a force within me that is putting an end to some of that unconscious uniform motion. Still...I get caught up by mind and I am pulled...up down and all around.  I get caught up in the uniform motion again and again.  What stops it?  I take a step back, I take a breath and I begin again...in another direction.

Hmmm!

All is well. 

Controlling the Fluctuations of the Mind

 As a straw is tossed into the air, and a tree is shaken by the wind, so is the action of the mind.  It lifts me up to the highest realm, then drops me unmercifully to the lowest depths of the earth..... with the control of the mind, all pains and all sorrows will perish. 

Yoga Vasistha/Rishi Singh Gherwal Yoga Vasistha Kindle Edition:  location 68-71

All is well! 

The Physics of the Soul

 

A body in uniform motion will remain in uniform motion until it is acted upon by a force.

The First Law of Motion/ Gary Zukav

Man...I really cannot believe I am going to attempt to talk about physics but I am.  And I am going to talk about physics in relation to the heart.

Say what crazy lady?

I just finished chapter 4 of The Seat of the Soul for the second time. I got a lot from this chapter.  I was reminded of how we need to get beyond the mind to truly understand what we are here to understand.  The heart is a valuable tool for that understanding becasue it takes us beyond intellectualization , beyond what we observe with out five senses...to "feeling". Feeling is the ultimate experience. It can take us to our soul.

The thing is, however,  most of us deny our feelings.  We believe they are useless things that get in the way of our productivity.  So we ignore them, push them down or numb from them so we can continue "doing"  in a reality that we see only as material. We don't see the compass with its big,  bold "True North" in our feelings, pointing the direction to what we really need and want....to go deeper beyond form, to living in  essence. 

When we close the door to our feelings, we close the door to the vital currents that energize and activate our thoughts and actions.   page 44

When we close the door on our feelings we disconnect from the possibility of knowing why we do the things we do, we disconnect from  soul, we disconnect from a reverence for Life, and we disconnect from one another. 

How can we share the sufferings and joys of others if we cannot experience our own? 

What has this got to do with physics? 

Uniform motion

Well without awareness of our feelings we live the first law of motion...we continue to remain in uniform motion.  We will go through  life in a state of unconsciousness uniform motion...just getting by...just running from everything we feel....doing but not there in our doing...attached to the wants of our personality all the while refusing to consider the needs of the soul.  This creates negative karma and a type of internal suffering that cannot be appeased by physical world gratification. It can lead to illness, severe mental illness, accidents, injury, and the death of an incarnation that did not realize Self, did not fulfill its mission for being here. So that negative karma will be taken to the next incarnation.  . Hopefully the balance will be found there. 

The Force

What we need to stop this uniform motion of suppression, repression, denial and avoidance of feeling is a force of some kind .  What would that force be?  That force is our choice to turn around and face the very thing we were running from. It is the choice to become more conscious and aware, to look deeply into our feelings and feel them.  It is like we were  in uniform motion running to stay two to three steps ahead of a train because we were afraid of the pain and unnecessary inconvenience it would cause, then finally realizing how futile that is and deciding instead to turn around to face it. Facing a train  would stop ya...let me tell ya.  Don't need to be a physicist to know that. But until then...until we stop and sit with what is inside us...we are in unconscious  motion and the only thing that will stop us is our choice to be aware, to look deeply into those questions about who we are and what Life is truly all about, to become conscious. 

What can lead us to the  Force

The very thing we were running from can lead us to the force that stops us from going through Life unconsciously.  Eventually our repressed, suppressed, denied and avoided feelings will lead to suffering and suffering is the best motivator to wake us up.

  The mind which is deluded by illusion lacks the kindness of heart, has no compassion for good and is indifferent to good or bad.  When it realizes what is good, then cowardice is replaced by courage; this world by Heaven. 

The Yoga Vasistha

Not Really Physics ?

Physics is evolving along with our personalities to see and understand our connection with soul.   We see this gradual  progression towards a deeper truth  in our scientists over the centuries.  We have gone from the ideas and discoveries of  of Ptolemy to those of Copernicus; from Copernicus to Newton and from Newton to Einstein.  We are now moving from the theory of relativity to the discoveries of Quantum mechanics. and quantum physics reflects a species that is becoming aware of  its consciousness to the physical world. page 52

All is well!

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster.

Yoga Vasistha: Translated by Rishi Singh Gherwal ( 2021) Kindle Edition

Feelings?

 If, when the mind experiences something pleasant or unpleasant, it simply understands things as they are, then there is no suffering. 

Yuval Noah Harari

Question 48: What are feelings in Buddhist Teachings?

I was not happy with this answer I gave but as promised I put it up anyway.

All is well 

Brahman is Truth

 

What is the truth? 

'I have nothing to do with sorrow, with actions, with delusion or desire. I am at peace, free from sorrow. I am Brahman' -such is the truth.

'I am free from all defects. I am the all,  I do not seek anything nor do I abandon anything. I am Brahman'-such is the truth.

'I am blood, I am flesh, I am bone, I am body, I am consciousness, I am the mind also, I am Brahman' -such is the truth.

'I am the firmament, I am space, I am the sun and the entire space, I am all things here,I am Brahman'- such is the truth. 

'I am a blade of grass, I am the earth, I am a tree-stump, I am the  forest, I am the mountains and the oceans, I am the non-dual Brahman'- such is the truth. 

'I am the consciousness from which all things are strung and through whose power all beings engage themselves in all their activities; I am the essence of all things, I am Brahman'-such is the truth. 

This is certain all things exist in Brahman, all things  flow from it, all things are Brahman; it is omnipresent, it is the one self, it is the truth. 

From: The Supreme Yoga: Yoga Vasistha as translated by Swami Venkatesananda; 1976/2010 Google Books:  https://books.google.ca/books?id=agWmPwAACAAJ&pg=PR7&source=gbs_selected_pages&cad=2#v=onepage&q&f=false    Page 233

I found a translation of the Yoga Vasistha on line.  I am reading it now. I heard this today recited by Deepak Chopra during my meditation and I thought it was so beautiful I wanted to put it here. 

Who or what is Brahman, crazy lady? 

Brahman is a what, not a who. 

To understand this verse, we need to know what  Brahman is. Brahman is a Sanskrit word that can be translated to mean "that which never changes". It is the ultimate or absolute reality, binding everything in the world together as one. It is that which grows and causes other things to grow. In some traditions Brahman is said to comprise  both the individual soul and the cosmic soul. We are believed to be prevented from truly understanding Brahman through something called Maya: illusions based on our over identification with body, mind and ego. Yoga practice can help us get beyond this identification,  free ourselves from ego so we can truly connect with the ultimate of understandings that Brahman offers seekers. (Yogapedia)

Brahman, basically, is the truth we seek. It is everything. 

All is well! 

Yoga pedia ( July 2020) Brahman? https://www.yogapedia.com/definition/5274/brahman

The Supreme Yoga: Yoga Vasistha as translated by Swami Venkatesananda; 1976/2010 Google Books:  https://books.google.ca/books?id=agWmPwAACAAJ&pg=PR7&source=gbs_selected_pages&cad=2#v=onepage&q&f=false   

On Reverence

 Process is honored in reverence.  The unfolding of Life, the maturation process, the process of growing through and coming into your own empowerment, is a process that needs to be approached with reverence.

Gary Zukav, page 35

Hmm!  I am reading Chapter 3 now and it is about reverence.  In relation to what I wrote yesterday, I see that we, as humans, need to revere not only everything and everyone in our human experience but the unfolding of Life itself.  No matter what she gives us, or what shows up in front of us if we see the "deeper" significance of it, if we see the sacredness in it as part of our spiritual  evolution,  we will approach it with the reverence it deserves. We will honor our suffering and our joy. We will honor Life.

Reverence and Karma do go hand in hand. Actions and reactions in the physical arena set energy into motion, forming our experiences and revealing in the processes the soul has yet to learn.  A person who approaches Life with reverence will not be able to take part in actions or reactions that increase the karmic debt.  They will never be able to harm or destroy any aspect of Life.  They will approach it all with Non-judgmental justice. 

Most importantly, Reverence is engaging in a form and a depth of contact with Life that is well beyond the shell of form and into essence...is a perception of the soul. So when I look at the suffering of those around me, sometimes it is overwhelming and I resist it with all my judgement and perceptions  that it is "bad, wrong, and shouldn't be." I forget that Life knows what she is doing and that it is unfolding in front of me exactly as it is meant to, unfolding in front of those suffering beings I love exactly as it is meant to. It is not "bad, wrong, or shouldn't be"...on the deeper, often invisible level, it is purposeful, healing and exactly as it is meant to be.  It is a holy and sacred process that honors the essence of these individuals, even if it does not appear to appease their ego personalities. I have to remind myself that there is something beneath their personalities that is being served by their experiences. There is an essence there that sees and welcomes the sacred learning it is being offered...even if it seems unfair and overwhelming to the personality. 

Without reverence our experiences are brutal and destructive. With reverence , our experiences become compassionate and caring.

I don't know about you, but I prefer compassionate and caring.

All is well. 

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul.  New York: Simon and Schuster

It isn't personal! Don't Judge

 In order to become whole, the soul must balance its energy. It must experience the effects that it has caused. 

Page 27

More  on Karma??? 

Chapter Two takes me to a topic I have been exploring in great detail lately: Karma. And the take away from reading it is that Karma isn't personal. We see a problem with Life circumstance when we personalize Karma...believing that our personalities are being pointed out and punished when we encounter less than favorable circumstances.  Not the case! 

If that personality does not understand that the experience of [whatever negative situation it is encountering]is the effect of a previous cause, and this experience is bringing to completion an impersonal process, it will react from a personal point of view rather than from the  point of view of its soul. Page 26

Suffering Has a Purpose!

Karma is simply how our souls balance the energies our personalities create in our  everyday affairs. Karma means that healing is taking place even if we cannot see it.  If we knew that we would let go of our judgments that suffering is unfair.  When we see ourselves suffering, or as I have been so  consumed  lately, others suffering from what seem to be unfair and unjust circumstances, or others causing suffering...we would realize the perfection in it.  We would understand that at a greater level something amazing is happening.  Healing and balancing is taking place. We would respond compassionately to the suffering of others but we would stop looking at it as if it was "wrong, bad, shouldn't be" which just adds to our sense of suffering. 

It is appropriate that we respond to his or her circumstances with compassion, but it is not appropriate that we perceive it as unfair becasue it is not. page 29

There is so much we do not understand underneath the obvious of our experiences and the experiences we witness others going through.  We cannot judge Life for doing what it does to help us evolve because we do not know the reasons beneath why bad things seem to happen to us or everyone else.  We just need to trust it and let go of those judgments and criticism that keeps us tangled up in the cause and effect of Karma. 

Non judgmental justice is a perception that allows you to see everything in Life [the good, the bad and the ugly], but does not engage your negative emotions. Non-judgmental justice relieves you of the self-appointed job of judge and jury becasue you know that everything is being seen-nothing escapes the law of Karma- and this brings forth understanding and compassion. page 30

Hmmm!  A lot of learning here. Let's let Life do what Life does. 

All is well 

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The sEat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster. 

The Yoga Vasistha

 Just as a silkworm spins a web and is caught in it, so do humans weave the web of their own concepts and are caught in them.

Yoga Vasistha (brought to me attention by Deepak Chopra)

I heard these words every morning I practiced  The Secret for Healing Mediation from Deepak Chopra and Adam Plack. They just kept catching me in their web each session. Every time I heard them I was tempted to stop and write them down, so afraid I would not remember them.  Today I did not forget them and went on a Google search to find their source.  All the poetic  meditation passages, Deepak Chopra tells us in the Preparation segment of the meditation,  including this one, come from Sutras of some Yogic text  I couldn't quite decipher.  I wanted to know that text, however...in fact, something in me "needed" to know. 

My search led me to information on The Yoga Vasistha, something I never before heard of.  I am  somewhat familiar with the Rigveda, The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali  and the Mahabharata, a preceding text that contains the Gita among other great Hindu stories.... but not this one.  The Vasistha was supposedly written sometime between the sixth century to the 14th but, like many great texts or scriptures,  no one is really sure of the date of its creation. 

The information about it that I received on Wikipedia ( and yes I like and trust Wikipedia) tells me that it consists of six books.  The books speak to an Indian Prince named Rama's frustration with human suffering ; the desire for liberation and the nature of those who seek it; how that liberation comes only through a spiritual life, free will and human creative power and the books  proceed to show how meditation can lead to enlightenment and liberation as it did for Rama.  (Ummm...does that not sound oddly familiar?) It also proposes that "the whole world of things is the object of the mind".  In its discussion of Yoga it also teaches about non-duality, and illusion. 

I think I am drawn to this text not only becasue of the beautiful poetry it contains that touch some deep part within me, but because it adheres to my desire to connect all the great religions together under one theme.  I see elements of Buddhism and Christianity even in this text. 

What I found cool about the information I found ( whether it is valid or not and  I won't know until after I read a translation of the text myself) is that it offers four characteristics that determine if someone is ready for their spiritual journey:

1. he or she  sense the difference between Atman and Non-Atman, the soul and the personality, the "little me" and the Deeper I" , "lower consciousness and higher consciousness" 
2. is past cravings and attachments for things of the material world (including relationships) 
3. seeks to live by the ethical virtues of equality, self restraint, temperance, quite stillness, patience, faith and trust and a desire for unity and peace
4. longing for meaning and liberation

I mean I know I  have a ways to go but I think I am ready to venture down this road, according to the Vasistha.  What about you?

Hmm! As I investigate my desire to know this text more, I need to go to the quote above and remind myself...that a written text is full of concepts.  As beautifully and poetically  as these concepts may be written...I do not want to get all tied up in them. What I am longing for is to be cut free from the trappings of dogma and conditioned belief, not tied up in its cocoon.

But I do feel compelled to read and as I do I will keep reminding myself of the above passage  and also this one: 

Even a young boy's words are to be accepted if they are words of wisdom, else, reject it like straw even if  uttered by Brahma the creator. 

I want to read these texts and see if they resonate a wisdom within me. 

All is well in my world.

Deepak Chopra and Adam Plack (n.d.) The Secret of Healing (guided meditation). Spotify 

Wikipedia (Feb, 2022 [last edited]) Yoga Vasistha. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yoga_Vasistha

And Again: More on Anxiety.

 If you want to conquer the anxiety of  life, live in the moment, live in the breath.

Amit Ray

Question 47: Why is Anxiety Such an Issue? 

This video was filmed in 2021? It is now 2024. Though I don't always check to see how many viewers I have, this post was apparently read three times in the last 24 hours...not sure if it was with bot or human eyes lol...so prompted,  I checked the status of  this video. It  was viewed a whopping eight times. That is so funny!!! Why?  My daughter was recently involved in a tic tock video clip that so far has had 7 million views...7,000,000 lol. I can't even imagine. And I am happy with my three little readers ( if indeed they are human, I will never know) and my eight little views. 

"Maybe I got through to someone improving their experience just a bit with some hard earned learning." something in me shouts. 

 And I am happy with that.  

Yet, apparently my topics are not quite as interesting as my daughter getting slapped against the shins with a wild tree branch.  Oh my...life is a funny thing. All good! All good!

All is well. 

Evolving from Personality to Soul

 If I have a soul, what is my soul? What does my soul want? What is the relationship between my soul and me? How does my soul affect my Life? 

So I started with my deep dive into the book and so far I have yet to strike the bottom of a shallow pool...so that is good :) I feel resonate with much of the teaching...not because it is new and refreshing but becasue it simply taps into knowledge I have already assimilated within me. That leaves me embracing it, instead of resisting it.  So far.

Evolution? 

So chapter one speaks to the idea of evolution. Zukav compares our past reliance on understandings of physical evolution in competitive, Darwinian terms with our "  new age"evolution in spiritual terms.  Survival of the fittest mentality, he stresses, no longer fits (if indeed it ever did) with what we are here to do.  He is encouraging us to see that we do not have to put all our energy toward preserving our seemingly individual physical ( also our psycho social)  survival .  Our five senses, he tells us, are  simply there to help the body and the basic personality survive and they are limited in their ability to help us expand and evolve more.  We do not need to manipulate and gain power over  others, things and circumstances in our external world anymore.  This, he demonstrates with examples, leads to fear, violence, destruction, selfishness and unhappiness which is counter productive to our purpose here.  It goes against what we are here to do. Ego has been driving our vehicles for far too long.  It is important that we change drivers. 

Letting the Soul Drive

The new evolution of what he refers to as the "multi-sensory" personality takes us higher and deeper along the vertical plane of existence.  Our evolutionary goal, whether we accept it or not, is to  go beyond what can be seen with the eye or picked up with the other senses. We need to connect to the invisible, matter-less realm of the spiritual plane.  Here we let the soul, drive.  

To me the above question is the key to this chapter.  Do you believe you have a soul? (and I don't care if you call it by another name.)  He stresses that we need to see and distinguish these two potential drivers of our human experience: the personality and the soul. It is so important , he stresses, to get the soul and the personality lined up so they work together.  For so long the ego personality, (based on the needs of body/mind)  has been driving our human vehicles. In this new stage of our evolution, it is the soul that needs to direct us forward with love,  peace, compassion, wisdom  and reverence for Life.We now want the personality to take a step back and to serve the soul.

Hmmm!  Well that is what I got from the first chapter in a nutshell. I agree with all of it.  It resonates.  Does that make it "true knowledge"?  No... Read it and determine truth for yourself , k? 

All is well.  

Gary Zukav ( 1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

Questioning the Teacher

 

You are your own best teacher. My advice is to question all things. Seek for answers, and when you find what seems to be an answer, question that, too. 

Louis L'Amour

I read through it once and now I  am going to go more thoroughly into Gary Zukav's book, The Seat of the Soul. Before I do that I find myself asking questions about Zukav, as the teacher and needing to know more about the motivation and process that led him to teach what he is  teaching.

Why I Question the Teacher

Whenever I read or hear something that resonates within me, something I want  to believe as true for whatever reason, I like to examine and understand where the so called "truth" came from. Who and how did they, the teacher,  learn what they learnt?  What makes them an authority on the subject?  Credentials and years of related study or professional experience are out trumped by Life experience.  I, for example , would see much more expertise in a Buddhist Monk who gave up all his credentials to discover the end of suffering than I would someone who had a PhD in psychological research. 

Though I do separate message from messenger in the best way I can, I still like to understand how the messenger received the message they are teaching, to understand what they base their convictions on.  I want to understand what their motivation was for sharing it and if  during the sharing or after they shared it, did  they reap enough egoic reward to pull them off the path they are encouraging others to travel.  I want to  see that, if they are teaching the benefits of an ego-less journey,  they are living without the guidance of their ego. ...that they are practicing what they teach, living what they share as truth.  Now , I often feel  my bubble burst when I see ego dominated motivation in the teacher I was hoping was egoless...I tend to step away from their version of that teaching when I do. 

How Did the Messenger Get the Message

I know it is the message, not the messenger,  that resonates within me...and even if it comes from some unlikely source, if it resonates enough, it will stick.  I connect more to message than messenger. I am not a guru follower and will never be...but at the same time, I need to know how the message came to be. Who or what taught them? Where did their message originate?  I like teaching that is backed up by credible resources. .When they cannot  adequately explain how they came up with the information they have, I feel myself pulling away.  I want them to tell me where they  got this information they  are sharing, even if the means of receiving information seems so woo-woo and far out  for the reasonable mind to accept...mine is open enough to accept the "possibility" of  almost anything.  For example, A Course in Miracles was supposedly downloaded into the mind of the author, a Jewish psychology professor at Columbia University. Seems absurd...but heck...I tell myself if Milton believed that Paradise Lost came from a similar type of Divine download and he created something of significance...why could  this not  be the same thing?  The message relayed in ACIM is very significant, almost poetic and worth reading. Besides the author motivation did not seem to be dominated by ego: one  seldom hears of her and it did not seem she reaped any egoic rewards for writing this very complicated and detailed text.  In fact, it seemed she wanted little to do with it as if  she just felt compelled anyway to follow her compulsion to write and share the information that came to her.  I still don't know  the "truth" of this explanation.  I don't know if there was some personal or egoic reward involved.    I don't but the message is still worth hearing. 

Want My Teachers to be as close to Egoless as possible

When I see dishonesty, a lack of concern for the people they  are reaching, a self gratifying motivation or  a lack of sincerity...on the part of the so called teacher, I tend to lose interest in what they are teaching. If I see them wearing Rolex's and driving Hummers when they are teaching about the need to reduce our clinging and grasping for material world things, to  preserve the planet and to  feed the hungry, I find it a bit hypocritical and pull away.  To me true teaching does not serve ego in anyway. It involves an absence of ego. 

(Not that these individuals should not reap some type of material reward, give up everything,  for the work they do.  I am okay if they become wealthy with that but it cannot be the motivating factor if I am to be won over!)

So I am Checking Out the Teacher

So I do check out the teachers when I read a message I truly want to fall into. So I am checking out Gary Zukav.  I know he was on Opera 30? times and I like Oprah and her approach to understanding more. I don't know much about him.  I could not tell you if his ego was involved in the writing of this book or if he was coming from a higher place. I couldn't tell you if he actually believed all that he shared and if so why.  I couldn't tell you if he got pulled off the path by egoic reward, or if he was ever truly on it.  I questioned from the beginning of the book, though, where his authority and expertise came from.  He doesn't say.  He speaks with conviction, as if  for the universe and for the soul but he doesn't reveal how he got that conviction.  He uses a lot of teachings found in wisdom traditions like Buddhism, the Tao Te Ching, yoga  and even Christianity etc but there is no references...none...no crediting any resources.  So it leaves me hanging a bit. The teaching itself is powerful.  It hits home so that makes me lean toward it being sincere. 

For that reason, I  am going to go through the book again and read it carefully, questioning it like I do everything.  I will also do the study guide and then I will sit back and "feel" it to see what happens. I may regurgitate some of that onto this page.  Bear with me. 

All is well.

Seeds

 

I am thinking about seeds today. 

Seeds? 

Well it it is spring and in some parts of the world ( not in mine...we have to wait until June to plant because of frost), people may already be planting seeds into the earth for future harvest. That is such a cool thing, isn't it?  To plant a tiny seed into the earth and watch  it make its long arduous way from below the soil to the surface as it forms into something amazing, beautiful, and /or useful. Hmm!  Have you ever pondered the fact that the same thing goes on  in our minds?

I am also thinking of the seeds we have planted  in our subconscious minds  or what some would refer to as "store consciousness".  Within us are so, so many seeds...so many mental formations waiting to be.  There is the seed for Love, the seed for anger, fear, and blame.   The seed for kindness and compassion;  and the seed for selfishness and greed. The seed for enthusiasm, and the seed for sloth and torpor.  The seed for peace, and the seed for anxiety , restlessness and worry. These are just a few of the possibilities.  So, so many seeds deep in the soil of our minds waiting to be watered and nourished with the sunlight of our attention.  Hmm!

Seeds Grow Into  Mental Formations

Already on the surface of mind consciousness, we have mental formations...a host of different emotions growing and blossoming, getting  tangled up with the 60,000 thoughts a day scientists are saying we generate. Your mind may look a bit the way I assume mine does...like a messy, unattended garden. 

The Messy Garden

Do you know what is in your mind, right now?  Can you distinguish the different plants, feel them, name them? More importantly can you see each emotional energy as the harmless seed it once was?  Do you know how it got from store consciousness to where it is in your mental and life experience right now? 

A Gardener Who Buries Weeds?

Hmmm!  You might want to say that he made you mad, or she broke your heart. You might want to say that Life did this or Life did that and that is why you feel the way you do right now...that is why your mental garden is  such a mess. I hear ya!  I have been telling myself those things for as long as I can remember.  I have learned the hard way, however, that I am the gardener of my own mind, my own Life. 

You may also be doing what many of us do in response to the less than pleasant emotional energies that form into the many mental formations we experience.  You may be doing whatever you can to push them back down through the soil, burying them with your defense mechanisms so you do not have to see them or deal with them. Yucky!  Right?  That requires so much energy, so much work on your part but have you ever noticed what happens anyway?  Do those weeds or unwholesome plants  just find their way through the soil again and again into your mental garden ?  We really cannot get rid of our painful emotional energies by stuffing, denying, avoiding and numbing can,  we?  The seed, the plant once watered and nourished  continues to grow and grow. And if attention is the sunlight...the more we try to get rid of them, the more attention we are putting on them and the more they grow. 

Another Way to Tend Our Gardens 

Buddhist psychology teaches that there is another way of dealing with mental formations.  We can become aware, first of all, of the fact that we have all these seeds deep within our minds...seeds, harmless seeds that have yet to grow.  We can consciously choose to water and nourish the seeds we want to grow, that we want to see break through the soil and into our conscious garden  of living. We water the seeds that will lead to wholesome mental formations, skillful ways of being. We water and nourish the seeds of peace, kindness, serenity, compassion, joy and Love for example.  The seeds of clarity, wisdom, sincerity and faith also deserve our attention/our sunlight. Most importantly, we water the seeds of concentration and mindfulness so we know at all times what is growing in our garden.  So we are very much aware. 

How Do We Get Rid of the Unwanted? 

What about those less than wholesome or skillful formations that have already grown up into our minds and into our physical realities because we were not conscious enough? What do we do about them if we are not supposed to bury them or stuff them down again? 

We watered mindfulness, concentration, peace and compassion right? We watered joy and Love?  Well we check to make sure they have blossomed within us.  Do you feel, joy, love, compassion?  Are you mindful enough to see these wholesome emotions and feel them within you?  If so,  then we use them to wrap  each unwholesome thought, feeling or energy that is growing in our minds  in an embrace of pure awareness.  We see the unruly plant, name it, accept it, allow it in our garden, feel it,  embrace it and love it like a mother would love the child she gave birth to. We put all of this type of attention on it and before long, it will gratefully and gracefully shrivel up and return to the seed it once was in our store consciousness.  We process through each emotional energy until the energy is spent.  And all a awhile we continue to be mindful of what seeds we want to grow and what mental formations we have already  in our gardens. We choose what type of Life to live by the seeds we allow to grow.

All is well in my world/ in my garden. 

Plum Village App (August, 2020) Our Mind and Mental Formations/ Thich Nhat Hanh. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-copiRlX1s. 

Heaven on Earth?

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal,but lay up for yourself treasures in heaven where neither moth or rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. 

Matthew 6-19:21

Question 46: What is Heaven and how do we get there? 

Man, I cannot get over the thumbnails.  I laugh a little every time I see them.Thank God, I have almost  transcended my concern about how I may appear to others. 

Please Note: I Know Absolutely Nothing!  I realize I  may have seemingly given off an air of authority in the above video.  I have none! What I give is my opinion, my learning, and what I have come to believe...but knowledge, sureness, expertise and authority?  I have none. I should have made that clear.

I am not dishing "religion"  either ...no one's...I just tend to look deeply into and question what I was taught and that means looking deeply into scripture and determining what it means to me.  I know to fundamentalists that is a major no-no. . .I won't  be making  the short list, according to them.

I included the above passage because when we think of the distinction between Heaven and Earth, we need to think of the treasures we seek in each.  Earth, to me,  is the horizontal plane and Heaven is the Vertical.  The horizontal plane offers treasures that are so enticing to the ego but worthless to the soul...things that will perish because they are at the mercy of time. Heaven, this higher and deeper dimension offers timeless treasures, those treasures which are worth pursuing.  I also didn't mean to dish the 10 Commandments...I follow those rules of being.  I just want us to be weary of the need we humans seem to have to do God's work of punishing, judging and determining who will "go to heaven" and who won't, based on these rules. We know nothing!  

Yet, if we tap into the higher and deeper dimensions within us, we tap into the eternal treasures: Love, compassion, kindness, clarity, wisdom and reverence for Life.  These are true treasures and living for them is truly Heaven on Earth. ( Well that is what I believe, but what do I know?) 

Neither shall they say " lo here!" or "lo there!" for, behold,  the Kingdom of God is within you. 

Luke 17:21 KJV

All is well. 

Keep Your Eye on the Ball

 Healing is the return to wholeness...The secret of healing is the secret of enlightenment.

Deepak Chopra

Do We Need To Know What we Are Doing?

I still wonder if I am doing what I am here to do.  It is the question that plagues me the most.  I just want to know if I am fulfilling the contract Zukav writes about in The Seat of the Soul, if there is such a thing. Am I meeting my souls needs?  When I have moments of dissatisfaction, moments I feel "stuck" or in a rut, I question , "why?" and I ask what I need to "do" to make it better for my soul and for my personality. .  

Lack of Satisfaction with Life? 

I know it is more important to "be"  than it it is to do.  I know that any dissatisfaction I have with Life has little to do with Life and a lot to do with my response to it.  I know that my relationship with Life is the problem, not Life.  If I have a problem with it, it is because I am making judgments about how it should be; I have expectations that are not being met and because I am too attached to a certain outcome.  If I seem "broken" ...it isn't life circumstance that broke me but my attitude and approach to Life that did.It is my desiring for Life to be the way I think it should be rather than the way it is that leads to my unhappiness.

Not Personal, Just Is

Michael Singer, in From Fighting to Harmony, explains how our lack of satisfaction with Life is the result of the  unhealthy relationship  we have with Life.  We create an idea in our minds of how things  should be for us, in order to make us happy.  We foolishly assume that Life is meant to make us happy when Life is not that personal at all.  What unfolds before us at this very moment has little to do with us and our puny needs  but with 13.8 billion years of cause and effect .  We just have the privilege of witnessing it, of being a part of it.

I do believe that any energy we put out there will add to this cause and effect but it is not just our energy that creates the circumstances before us...but that of every being on this planet, every force, every ripple. Life is going to go on doing with or without our approval and/or our input.  We get that right?

Life knows what it is doing....even if we don't know what we are doing.

We can find happiness and peace, satisfaction and meaning...not by manipulating the external world and putting all our effort into changing the world so it best suits our internal needs but by simply learning from it.  We need to go with the flow of Life rather than against it as we try to create our own individual realities. We need to ride the wave rather than swim against the current. We need to keep our eye on the ball, watch it, watch it, and simply go where it goes.  Let it lead us. Let's try going  where Life takes us rather than telling Life how it should be to suit us.  We should know by now, that any other approach just doesn't work.

Keep Your Eye On The Ball

In my healing, especially with the learning over the last couple of days, I know I want to work with Life, be in harmony with it.  I want enlightenment more than anything becasue I know  that will bring the  healing I may need.  So I need to carefully and mindfully watch Life unfold in front of me, watch where it is going and follow it. Enlightenment  comes from noticing,  accepting, allowing, appreciating , honoring and revering all that unfolds in front of us.  It involves being in awe of the fact that we are participants in this amazing dance. 

If we perceived Life with reverence, and understood our evolutionary process, we would stand in awe at the experience of physical Life and walk the earth in a very deep sense of gratitude. Gary Zukav, Page 39

All is well.

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster. 

Deepak Chopra & Adam Plack ( nd) The Secret of Healing. Spotify 

Michael Singer/ Sounds True (April, 2022) The Michael Singer Podcast: From Fighting to Harmony- Changing Your Relationship With Life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbnJq_96xAI

Helping Adult Children Maneuver Through Unhealthy Relationships

 In order for children to learn to do hard things, you have to let them go through hard times. There is no way to truly master something without experiencing it. 

Sara Bean

Question 45: How to Help Adult Child in an Unhealthy Relationship? 

Do you think these thumb nail shots could get any scarier lol? 

All is well! 

Is the Deepest Part Of You Engaged?

 When the deepest part of you becomes engaged in what you are doing, when your activities and actions become gratifying and purposeful, when what you do serves both yourself and others, when you do not tire but seek the sweet satisfaction of your life and your work, you are doing what you are meant to be doing.  

Gary Zukav, page 225

In hope of answering the question that plagued me yesterday:  Is this stuck feeling just a poke from a disgruntled ego that is losing its control  or is it from  my spirit telling me I am not spending my precious life in the way that I am meant to? I reached a point, after a lot of self reflection, journal writing, blogging, praying and meditating...where I just said: I don't bloody know!

Not Knowing

I don't know where this stuck feeling is coming from. I don't know if it is ego or soul that is dissatisfied with the way I am presently living my life.  Maybe it is both or neither.  How would I know? And I felt okay that I didn't know at this point of my life.  I don't know much anymore.  All I thought I knew at one point...pfff...gone.  I truly do have a beginner's mind.  I don't know what is true. And I think that is okay.  I do not have to struggle to come up with an answer.just to satisfy my analytical ego mind and to put an end to any unease I might be feeling over this confusion. ..I just have to sit back , allow the discomfort of confusion, look deeply into it even and trust that the answer will come when I am ready for it.  I will someday discover who is doing most of the directing in my mind.  I will make the distinction between what ego wants and what soul needs. 

If What is in the Book is True?

I just finished reading Gary Zukav's book The Seat of the Soul.  At the end of the study guide on the very last past, he asks us to repeat this question to ourselves everyday. How would I change my life if what were in," The Seat of the Soul", really were true? He doesn't ask you to believe what he writes about is true. He just says, "if" it were true. He seems to understand how the human mind that is addicted to empirical evidence works.  I kept asking throughout the book, Like how do you "know" this stuff Gary Zukav?  Where does this information and your evidence come from?  I mean everything he wrote of in the book "felt" like truth to me whether that is because of the convincing way he wrote or because of something deeper in me that just resonated with everything written. Regardless,  if it were true- I don't know if I am living the Life I contracted with the powers of be, if that be a real thing, to live. I don't know if I am honoring my contract, meeting the needs of my soul.  How would I change my life then?  I don't know.

There is still so much, "I don't know." 

All in a Day's Work

What is it that I "do" everyday?  I get up in the morning, feed all those who need to be fed, pour myself some tea and sit quietly in a favorite spot ( Whose favorite spot...personality's or soul's? ...I think it just feels right to both to be in a sunny yellow room surrounded by windows that open up to bird covered trees and a lovely landscape?) In this spot, (while I am usually surrounded by furry family members)  I read something inspirational, or listen to a dharma talk or some other secular teaching on awakening. I will often take notes so I can write about it later if inspired to do so. A second cup  of tea, some breakfast, some sun salutations, and often a bit of walking meditation around the house is added before I sit to meditate. Sometimes I meditate without guidance and sometimes I will meditate with.  I try to incorporate some breathing awareness or controlled practice in there as well. This solitary practice  takes up about 2-3 hours of my morning depending. Lately my solitude has been interrupted by the needs of my children, or of my four month old grandson ( and Nana's need to hold him as well). I will do a bit of housework...maybe...tidy, dishes, bread in and out of oven, laundry in or out, bed making etc. before I come to my office to write.  I usually start writing in my devotional journal, record my dream snippets from the night before, and then I sit down to my blog.  I do often veer off from writing into reading what was read by others in the last 24 hours.  I like to check for grammatical errors and confusing sentences etc., to see what I have learned from these entries, and to evaluate if others could learn from them. Then with my notes in front of me I write an entry and possibly post a video.  I just allow what ever thoughts are there to come out.   When I am finished with that I usually feel quite satisfied and too often my writer's need for expression is satiated.  It is challenging then  to go to other writing or prepare for submission of other stuff. ...but I try.  I will get outside with the dogs either for a walk in the woods or out in the yard.  I will try to incorporate  walking meditation in there.  I will return inside, possibly do a video or work on my book or something I am preparing for submission.  I prepare supper for all, text, email, ( no social media...I refrain from that) and check in with everyone to see how there day was so far. I either do a private yoga practice in my studio or have a class in the early evening. After that, if I haven't already I will eat supper, do the big clean up, and finish up some writing stuff before retiring to the living room with D. to Netflix binge for a couple of hours while I knit.  Then I  shower, prepare for bed and read. That is my life for the most part.  I do get to visit my daughter, sisters  and other grandchildren somedays. I do go to appointments .  I am not a shopper so I seldom go to the stores for anything besides groceries.  Sometimes I will go out for a meal....but that is it.

Boring???? Productive?? Enough?? For Whom?  Soul or Personality? 

I suppose someone reading the details of my day would say,  no wonder you feel stuck crazy lady? Still my stuck feeling has little to do with what I do in a day (or the lack of doing).  If I don't fill my mind with comparisons to  others or with  expectations about what I should be doing...I am perfectly okay with the flow of my day.  I am not one to feel bored too often and if I do get bored I am usually okay with the feeling and do my best to learn from it by looking deeply into it for a cause. My "contentment" with this day to day flow makes me wonder, however,  if there is something wrong with me lol. Is there not more to Life that I should be wanting? Should I be "doing" more? Is this enough for my soul?  My personality? Neither or both? 

The Soul is Engaged

As silly as it may seem I can say that I feel the deepest part of me is engaged fully in my daily  practice and my writing. My spiritual practice, my yoga, and my writing/teaching in some awkward way feels purposeful and gratifying. I feel very satisfied when I learn something new about connecting to the deeper part of me, when I can write about it or share it.  I feel the compulsion to come to my blog every morning as if it were the classroom I was heading toward again. It is like my work. My day does not feel complete unless I get an entry in. It never seems tiring to me.  It is deeply satisfying even though I do not get an ounce of external gratification for it. My intention is to have it serve others but I am not sure if it does.  It does , for sure, serve me in some deep way I cannot explain.  So yeah...as boring and unproductive as my day may seem to others, I am doing what I am meant to be doing. Hmm!

I would say my soul is engaged but is my personality? 

The personality that is engaged in the work of its soul is buoyant.  It is not burdened with negativity.  It does not fear.  It experiences purposefulness and meaning.  It delights in its work and in others.  It is fulfilled and fulfilling. page 225

I guess, I am feeding my soul but is my personality bouncing along happily with it?  It is much more buoyant than it ever was but is it light and buoyant enough? It is not "burdened" with negativity but it is still certainly negative at times. Though I do my best to confront fear and have subdued it so much over the course of my life, especially with the help of  my daily practice, fear is still lingering around. Though my personality does love to write, practice yoga, teach, and it does find fulfillment and meaning in it,  it also likes to get paid, to be externally rewarded, read etc. Sigh.  It is not delighted in the fact that I have little to no readership,  and that I am struggling to get by financially. 

How would I change my life if what were in," The Seat of the Soul", really were true? page 331

I guess I would find some way to make my personality more buoyant and in line with what my soul wanted. So maybe the question for me would be, How can I gratify my personality while I continue to meet the needs of my soul? 

This excerpt gets me thinking: Yet what if what you are doing is more appropriately regarded in a social sphere rather than an economic one? In other words, what if the enterprise that you seek to develop is more appropriately a way to an avenue that you have not yet recognized? It is now deadlocked because it cannot go down its appropriate path, for you have your hand on a door you insist upon opening that will go nowhere? page 227

I might not need to get my personality on board. Maybe the Universe has something in store for my writing that the personality cannot even consider.  It may never be rewarded externally but it may still be  taking me somewhere.  Maybe it will take me, if no where else, to the one thing I really want, awakening.

Will have to think about that one for a while. In the mean time we all need to follow this  advice: 

Let go of what you think is just reward. Let go. Trust. Create. Be who you are. The rest is up to your non physical teachers and to the universe. 

...Thy will be done! page 228

All is well. 

Gary Zukav (1989/2014)The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster.