A grain of sand gets washed into the shell of an oyster and irritates it. The irritation produces a secretion in the oyster, which covers the grain of sand and the beautiful pearl is the result. Similarily, external things furnish us with suggestions, over which we project our own ideals and make our objects.
A long wait in an emergency room can definitely be like a grain of sand. Yet, when we realize the opportunity for the creation of a pearl through this minor irritation...cool!
My nine and a half hour wait birthed a pearl. There were definitely some positive outcomes from the experience: I lucked in again. I got the same kind and thorough triage nurse I had last time and I also got a very thorough doctor who took everything I said very seriously. I felt very seen and very heard. He ordered a very thorough Xray...anterior and lateral view. There doesn't appear to be a compression fracture but because of the inflammation, I am going to wait on a radiologist's confirmation in case there is an itsy bitsy one in there (something is going on the vertebrae themselves). I trusted and trust his thoroughness so I didn't ask to see the Xray. Whatever it is, is not life threatening or serious! Relief! I got an injection of Torodol and some steroids to help reduce inflammation and within an hour I was moving my neck much more...probs a 40 % increase in ROM!!
He also took the fact that I have another mouth infection very seriously...he orded blood work etc and assessed for the beginning of any signs of cardiomyopathy related to the infection. Grateful! I am now on antibiotic round number six :( with a different component added. I worried that might not happen as my face swelling was way down and the abscess was no longer in the back behind the teeth. My gums were still very obviously swollen though. Anyway...the bit of irritation preceding and during the wait was worth it.
Not only for these body reasons...in fact despite these body reasons. I am so impressed with this growth process. I see how though there is obviously pain in this body ...pain doesn't "bother me" anymore. I can deal with physical pain now like I could never before. This mouth infection, obvioulsy, is not "pleasant" and there is a lot of pressure and discomfort in my neck that I might even have to rank high at times on the pain scale (with certain movements) but it is not consuming me. I did not go into the ER for pain management, nor did I go to the dentist necessarily to alleviate the pain of a tooth ache. I knew the pain, as pain is intended to do, in both cases was pointing to something that needed to be dealt with. I needed to get to the cause. I was focuing on the cause in a rational way not adding any mental reactivity to the pain experience. It is so cool to see how I handle pain now!!
The less the thought of the body, the better. For it is the body that drags us down. It is attachment, identification, which makes us miserable...
The experience also allowed me to practice Yoga in the purest of ways. Sure, I had the opportunity to read Vivekananda's wisdom and to meditate. ( I took my mala off my wrist more than once and did breath awareness meditations). But I also had an opportunity to watch what was going on around me from the seat of the Objective Observer...to see and experience the suffering of the fellow humans around me (both the patients waiting and the exhausted and busy staff), to feel compassion and connection, to watch the reactivity I witnessed without judgement, to witness this human I call me occassionally slip into that reactivity and pull itself back, to be kind and selfless with "my turn" on more than one occassion, and to observe and "feel" the perfect beautiful imperfection of humanity. I felt so alive!!!
That is the secret: To think that I am the spirit and not the body, and that the whole universe with all its relations, with all its good and all its evil, is but a series of paintings-scenes on canvases- of which I am a witness.
I feel so grateful right now. I really do. Just grateful to be a human who gets to have these amazing experiences- the so-called "good" and so-called "evil". I am a being who gets to explore this amazing art. Wow!
(Okay...it might not last lol. I might fall back into being a reactive "me" when these steroids wear off lol... but for now I spirit...I am the Pearl of this human experience, not the body.)
All is well.
Vivekanada (n.d.) 2.3 Hints of Practical Spituality/2.4 Bhakti or Devotion. The Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda. Kindle Edition
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