Pearls of Wisdom Formed By Irritating Sand

 

From a grain of sand in the pearl comes.

Confucius

From "All About Me"....

Another irritating grain of sand has been tearing up my insides. I am hoping it is making a pearl in the form of a cleared-up infection and not the beginning of a head-to-toe rash. I feel very ill on this antibiotic and the gums are sore and swollen still. They are worse, actually. Sigh! I also feel like I am getting caffeine pumped nonstop through my veins ...wired (and not in a pleasant way)!! This body, I can tell from this point, is too sensitive to this antibiotic. It does not want this medication in it...like it is knowingly but unwillingly ingesting a toxic substance (which it is). Is it "hypersensitive" to Flagyl like it is to some others?  I suspect it might be. I will soon find out. A rash will prove the point. 

And though I gratefully have much more ROM in my neck and am doing more...it is still irritating and annoying...I just cannot get comfortable. I have been lifting my grandchildren too which is not the wisest thing to do with this neck the way it is...(How can one say "no" to a child asking to be picked up?) I also have not been doing my hatha yoga practice, so I am stiffening up around the injury, making matters worse. 

I am just so uncomfortable in this skin right now.

Can you hear a thousand tiny little violins being played all over the world? lol

A Grain of Sand

So, I woke up irritated at 3. I was tossing and turning from one position to another because of the neck. At one point I heard myself saying, "Man! I am wired!" I really felt like I guzzled three large double doubles from Timmy's before going to bed. (Translation: very large coffees with two sugar and two creams, from Canada's coffee place-Time Horton's). 

"WTF [front door]?"

It took me a minute to connect this insomnia to the medication, but some antibiotics (like ingested toxins) can cross the blood-brain barrier of the brain. They can be like grains of sand in that delicate tissue. The more "sensitive" one is, the more irritating. I am, I guess, like the princess in The Princess and the Pea lol. My body can pick up the most minor of discretions... sometimes. The grains of sand in this life unfolding in front of "me" appear to be everywhere. Even my brain is irritated. 

Anyway, long story short... and to answer that unspoken question.

Well crazy lady how did you handle the irritation? 

I meditated, of course.  I sat up. I sat with what was going on in the body; with what was going on in the mind (not so positive); and what was going on in the heart (the irritation itself- tried to strip it of its story so I could just experience that feeling of irritation). 

I found myself at one point asking, "How do I get past all this irritation to the deeper consciousness behind thinking mind...to the soul?"

A Pearl of Wisdom

Then there was suddenly a big "WTF[front door]? Whenever I sit, I attempt to get to higher consciousness, the soul...the Ananda body...the Atman etc. from out here. It is as if there is this "me" out here trying to get through some veil of disturbance to another place-in there.

 'Who' is trying to get there? Is there a 'who', that is not the soul but attempting to get to the soul? There can't be...I am that higher consciousness that I am trying to get to. I am the soul. That is who I am. So, it must be "I am" that is meditating and trying to get through all this irritation to "I am." There is no other entity called "me" trying to get to "I am". No entity called "me" exists.

Where is this "I am" trying to go and from where? I am both the destination and the point of departure. I am literally not going anywhere. I am here. There is no "out here" and "in there". There is just here, now."

WOW! 

...to "All About I am"

Thanks to that 'grainy' irritation I felt last night, I was gifted with a realization. I was taken from a delusional "me-irritant" focus to a focus on a potential pearl for humanity. We need to realize we are not a seperate "little me" with all its so-called irritants and problems...seeking to get someplace else.  There is no "me". There is nowhere to go. We...every single one of us... are Consciousness seeking Itself. We are the non moving "I am" in the center of a circumference. 

Now, I have intellectualized and narrated this idea many times on my journey but I never felt it like I did last night. I never quite had this realization of "non-locality" before. It kind of blew me away. 

Thanks to a little more irritation, a pearl (of wisdom) was formed. 

All is well.