All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.
Blaise Pascal
That takes us to:
What is the next thing I can do or think about? Eckhart Tolle
In the linked podcast below, a questioner asks Eckhart Tolle about boredom...describing boredom as a state of "pervasive dissatisfactoriness". I love that term...like hitting a nail on the head. There is, I believe, a sense of deep pervasive dissatisfactoriness in most of us...that we tend to run from into our diversional activities which include thinking about something other than the moment we are in. Without enough distracting diversional activity we are forced to be in this moment. We are forced to be with this sense of discontent with what is...a sense of discontent with ourselves. We feel bored.
The mind wants to be stimulated...it is always hungry for the next thing. E.Tolle
I struggle with that dissatisfactoriness...and am on a mission to "sit with it" as I sit with what is. Though I don't necessarily like boredom, I am soo, soo tired of running away. I wrote an article in 2017 on my desire to stop running...or should I say...about how I learned how fruitless it is to run from Blais Pascal. (Ambiguous sentence , isn't it? I am not running from Blais Pascal lol...I learned from Blais Pascal) Running, busyness, thinking, compulsive distraction hunting does not take this sense of pervasive dissatisfactoriness we are attempting to run from away. A lack of diversional activities is not the cause of this dissatisfaction. The boredom is simply the reason why we are avoiding the opportunity to sit quietly in a room. This mess inside was there and will be there until we deal with it.
I woke up this morning thinking about how "boring" my life seems to be. I "do" so little of the stuff I once used to fill my time with. I seem to do so little period. I was once a bit of an adventure seeker, especially in the summer...but lately my days are filled with the same "boring?"activities...meditating, listening to some wise person, writing here, maybe making the odd video, some other writing task: last year it was the ESL book...this summer it is the "You Can Write" children's series (I am not sure why I wrote these things...good chance that they too were meant as diversional activities to keep me running from boredom...sigh! "Something to do." ) I am also reading novels, doing a bit of housework (but not enough...it would take more than boredom to put the fire under my butt necessary to clean this house the way I should, lol), enjoying my time with grandkids which is anything but boring, the odd walk in the woods, yoga practice, yoga class, odd dinner out with family or friends....and of course, there are those Netflix binges in the evening. Sigh! All this is not diversional enough it seems...because I am constantly tapping into this pervasivse dissatisfactoriness inside me. Sigh! I want to grow this ability of being rooted in the present moment, within this self without needing an external stimulus to feel alive...
We need to break through the mental barrier...
The thing is...that is why I am not doing more. Oh at least, that is what I tell myself. I want to sit with what is no matter what it is. Purification from that which is preventing me from going deeper is my goal! I do not want to keep running from one distraction to another in an attempt to avoid having to deal with the mess inside. I want to deal with the mess! It is a bit of cunundrum, though. Like I know all that activity I feel I am "missing" is just distraction that keeps me from experiencing and working my way through the samskara layer of " pervasive dissatisfactoriness" to that which exists beneath it. I really, really want to get beneath it. At the same time, I miss "being busy".
The greedy search for the next interesting thing...that is the disfunction...Why is it so hard to fall into boredom joyfully knowing that it is necessary to get to what exists behind it?
It is like I am pulled by two forces. I am pulled by Life...which is giving me all these opportunities to go deeper. I want to embrace and use boredom as a means to purify. So, I tell myself , "This is good. I don't want to do anything". And in the next minute, I am reflecting on my life thinking, "Man! I don't do anything. This life is boring. I feel stuck." I convince myself not to be bored and find myself seeking something to do.
If we do not run away and stay with boredom...you suddenly realize you go deeper into yourSelf...
...just endure the discomfort of the mind not getting enough stimulus...food
....go through the threshold of the boredom into something deeper...and suddenly you feel alive without the need for mental stimulus...even more alive
Eckhart Tolle
I have had sooo much opportunity to sit quietly in a room alone lately right at the time I began to wake up. A huge part of me knows this "not doing much" is a wonderful opportunity provided by Life and this human I call me to go deeper...to go through boredom into being. That is what I want...to be....it is my ultimate goal. Sometimes I break through that barrier between boredom and that being and it is amazing. Other times I only touch the barrier and bounce back into the mental and physical body looking for diversion again...I am still at the stage of the waking up process where I keep going from the internal pull to be and the external pull to do.
Be at ease with the here and now...that is all there ever is...Life here and now...to feel at home here and now...without needing to escape into some mental realm that is not here and now...
What I am seeking to distract with now, ironically, is also meant to help me not distract lol. I am spending a lot of time learning self-hypnosis to help me purify and enhance the meditative state . The study of self-hypnosis is a stimulating diversion that keeps me from the pervasive dissatisfactoriness of my now. The outcome meant to be achieved through self hypnosis, on the other hand, is a way to get beyond diversion and the barrier of boredom to that which exists beneath it. I am seeking a way to purify...to get through this samskara layer between the self and the Self so I can settle peacefully into my now. All this learning and practice may prove to be nothing more than another distraction that wastes my time, that keeps me running from the what is of my moment, and that never takes me to where I want to go. I don't know...but here I am.
I am not sure how it will all turn out. For now, it would be nice to just feel peace in this here and now exactly as it is, as boring as it all may seem to myself or others. I do see how boredom can be a tool for taking us all deeper. I want to fall through boredom into what is there beneath it. Do you?
I have arrived; I am home...
in the here and the now.
I am solid. I am free.
In the ultimate I dwell
Thich Nhat Hanh
Thich Nhat HAnh ( 2011) peace is every breath. Harper: New York
Eckhart Tolle (2024) Stop Running from Boredom. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRXRnDYwePk
Nancy Daley/ Wisdom Daily ( August, 2017) What I Learned from Blais Pascal about the Power of Stillness. https://thewisdomdaily.com/author/nancyd/
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