More on Synchronicity

There are many events in the womb of time that wait to be delivered.

Othello: Act 1,Scene 3

Another Dream

I had another dream last night. Just a scene popped up in the middle of another dream like some unexpected ad indicating that an action is required in a certain area, not for me but someone I love. There was no words ...just this symbolic snippet  and I woke up knowing that if this action did not take place soon then there would be very dramatic consequences for him. I walked around the house at 5 am feeling almost panicked and in need to have this thing I do not feel okay about disclosing here even though it is nothing sinister  taken care of. After a few minutes pacing, I told myself there was nothing that could be done at five in the morning and went back to sleep.  When I woke up again at 8 I was off...didn't feel grounded, felt physically ill almost and I compulsively  proceeded to take care of this thing for the other person, knowing at the same tme it wasn't mine to take care of. Well, I ran into some obstacles  and ws unable to complete the task.  Feeling totally off kilter I resorted to a simple meditation to ground me. It worked.  I will soon begin the task again when I am finished here.  Figured writing about synchronicity will also help settle me a bit more.

Okay...here we go ...these are some of the amazing things I learned or was reminded of about Carl Jung's explanation of the word he coined. 

What Synchronicity Means?

Syn/chronic/ity...can be broken into sylables that mean the coming together in time and timing.  External events will often coincide with internal events.  For example, a dream or a thought (Internal) about, say, someone you have not seen in years, may result in you running 'coincidentally' into that person the next day(external). My dream about something going on in my body was met with several coinciding events within a certain time period. 

Fate and Destiny

The belief then is that this goes beyond mere random coinicdence and is related to what some term "fate" or "destiny" .  It is not random chance but meaningful chance. It is determined by something much greater than our "little" egos and what we believe ourselves to be (mind/body forms) . 

One World

Jung teaches that there is one world, 'Unus Mundus' and this world includes both the consciousness of each individual and every happening in the universe.  Mind and matter are merely two aspects of one reality. 

Bringing the Light to Darkness

There are points of correspondence between inner and outer worlds, between mind and matter that tell us about our destiny. What is our destiny according to Jung? To bring the light of consciousness into the darkness. Our destiny is to evolve...to go from not seeing clearly to seeing clearly and to help others see clearly who we really are. We need to look into our own darkness, our shadow selves, and integrate all the good, bad, and ugly into a unified whole. This may also mean going blindly into our suffering, our 'dark night of the soul' so we can come  out the other side into morning, a new awakening. We are here to reach our whole and full potential. ...what Jung called Individuation.  When we find that we will be fulfilled.

When we are open and ready for that evolution, many quirky things will happen. We will receive guidance from something far greater than our little mes and this guidance can come in the form of synchronicity. Events in the outer world will match up with our internal worlds For me, it comes in dreams, poetry, strange but not random 'coincidences' , very powerful gut feelings, and other kooky things. :) 

Readiness

It will only happen , however, when the time is right.  We cannot force this transformation because it is determined by the One Mind...not our puny little ego minds. We will only evolve to the next step when the time is right and we are ready.  Readiness is crucial.  We cannot force this evolution. The universe will push us and gently nudge us forward when we and it are ready.  That is when we will notice its interventions in the form of little synchronistic events. Our destiny, then, is revelaing itself to us. We can affirm our readiness by reciting this mantra often "I am ready for the next step and I am open to that." 

Being Open and Trusting

This is more of a letting go and trusting that everything around us is a participant in the process by which we evolve,than something we do  It is not something we as a little self does.  We need to let go and let the Higher Self take over.  Thy will be done, rather than may 'my' will be done.  

And we have to be open, paying attention to the "signs" or whatever you want to call them when they come.  Do not ignore these gut feelings, these dreams, these so called 'coincidences' .  See them for what they are...a treasury of wisdom.

Seeking Help from Ancestors

Jung also encourgaes us to seek help from our ancestors who are also participating in our evolution.  He uses the term "collective unconscious" to speak to the energy of those who passed on that still remains around us, guiding and supporting. Why does that sound so 'airy fairy' for most of us? Indiginous people have been seeking guidance from their ancestors since the beginning of human time. Jung refers to what they offer us in the form of memory, genetic transmission, and some deeper , more 'airy fairy' connection as the "treasury of wisdom". 

What are we here to do?

The Franciscan order, following the teaching of Saint Francis, teaches that everyone of us is created for a purpose, that we have a job to do  and we need to ask on  daily basis, "What has God called me in existence to be?"  

The higher Self is always pushing us towards what it is we are here to do and the ego dominated little self is always resisting our growth and transformation. And is the ego that is our demon, not some force outside of us. This demon will inflate us or deflate us in an attempt to prevent us from connecting to our higher Self and our purpose. It is the ego that says, "Don't listen to that nonsense" when things are revealed through synchronicity. 

Tricky Ego 

Yes the ego is tricky and sometimes we erroneously are guided by its motivations, believing them to be synchronicity.  Brother Jude, reminds us in the video, that if we are really honest with ourselves and take the time to stop, contemplate, or meditate over some guidance we assume we are receiving...we will be able to tell if it is ego, what we want to see happening or the Higher Self which echos where we are being called to go speaking to us. Stop, listen and know. or as it says in psalms, "Be still and know that I am God."

Hmm!  So much beautiful wisdom in this discussion.  Please check it out for yourself! 

All is well! 

PSA-SF ( March 2020) The Power of Coincidence on the Spiritual Path -with David Richo PHD and Brother Jude Hill SSF. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDxzFm-GBnY

This is a post dated Add on ( January 12, 2022)

I was rereading this today when I checked my site to see that it was read by another, and though I think I relayed this information in a following entry ...I felt compelled to relay it here. 

Everything, absolutely everything, I had seen in that dream snippet...happened. I knew it was going to happen that weekend and it happened at 7 Pm Sunday night.  I second guessed myself all weekend but the feeling (fear and apprehension, the pull to do something about it) would not go away.  I kept warning the individual involved, told him about my dream, giving him all the details: the 'what', the 'when', the 'how', the 'who' and the 'where'...said "it was one of those kind you can't ignore"...scared him a little... but by Sunday afternoon he was more or less conceding that I was crazier than a bag of hammers... Even after it happened...as I had told him it would... he said it was just a coincidence and dismissed it.  I, on the other hand, was blown away.

Anyway...whatever it was , was pretty darn kooky, don't you think? 

All is well. 

Synchronicity

 

Jung used the idea of synchronicity to strip off the fantasy, magic and superstition which surround and are provoked by unpredictable, startling and impressive events, that like these, tend to be connected. 

-C.G. Jung, Synchronicity  https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/822546-synchronizit-t-als-ein-prinzip-akausaler-zusammenh-nge

Today I would like to write about synchronicity. I often use the word serendipity instead of this one, meaning the same thing, but in support of my adherence to the teachings of the founder of that word, Carl Jung, I will refer to it as synchronicity.

Synchronicity and a Dream 

Now I have been thinking alot about this word, especially after the profound and powerful dream I had, about what would be happening in my body. Let me refresh your memory. In February, I had a dream that I recorded where a female voice I could not explain the source of told me very clearly that something was happening in my pelvic area and not to fret...it was not  life threatening 'yet'. But if changes and my approach were not made it would turn into something. I woke up from that dream with a "Wow!"  

I mean I get a lot of messages in my dreams but they are usually symbolic and cryptic and it takes a great deal of contemplation and research to discover what they might mean...but this one was so easy and straight forward! It was so clear. It stuck with me and I immediately began the next morning  to delve even deeper into this mission I was already on to  determine what changes I needed to make in my life.  I was already seriously contemplating my present living situation. The dream, however,  was not clear at all on what those changes should be.

The First Synchronistic Event 

Anyway, less than two days after the dream  I began to have postmenopausal bleeding which  was like a "Wow!This is amazing synchronicity! (I probably used the word: serendipity)  At the same time I was tripping on the mystical revelation, I also considered the pathophysiological implications.  I know that postmenopausal bleeding of any type should be investigated as soon as possible.  

Resisting the Message 

But...you knew there was a but coming, right?... Because of the way the idea of having to reactivate  health seeking triggers me and drags up very damaging memories and a certain  hopelessness that I will get help,  I began to discount my dreams. I didn't want to go there. 

All the next day I told myself..." Nah...it is just a silly coincidence. You do not want to open up that draining, painful and very shame inducing can of worms again do ya? Sure look at what changes you may need to make in your life but do not do the health seeking thing again.  The bleeding is probably nothing and it will stop on its own." 

Another synchronistic event

The following day I get a call from my physician for an appointment I didn't even know I had. I mean I had called the pharmacy to get my meds refilled a day or two before  but I did not make an appointment with the doctor.  I did not even receive a reminder earlier that day that I had an appointment.  It was like out of the blue. Just as I was contemplating my dream, I get  a call that the doctor is on the line...bizarre.  Anyway, I took the appointment with the soul purpose of getting my prescription for heart meds refilled, nothing else.  I was not going to tell him about the bleeding....(just like I didn't want to tell him about the mass I palpated a year and a half ago).   He started asking me questions, however,  about my menopuasal health and  despite  my active  conscious resistance, just like I did with the mass,  I blurted out that I was bleeding. It came out from some place deep within me even though I had no intention for it to come out. Once it was out, I definitely tried to down play the whole scenario because I did not want to go back to that department I knew he would send me to for tests and I didn't want to have to depend on the opinion of a certain individual there who I felt, in my gut,  had an agenda that superceded the desire to protect the  wellness of  female patients.  (I have a very strong and possibly inexplicable or even unfounded  distrust in this person's motivations. I can't get around it!)  It would be opening up another can of worms in the  sense of making me relive my  last painful, long, drawn out health seeking experience. 

And Another

Anyway, I reluctantly  agreed to go for tests but was immediately filled with memory and dread. Not only that, that very  night I began to get severe pain with the bleeding especially on the left side. My body began to speak to me big time.  That pain and awful feeling of dread lingered for another two days until I got another call out of the blue.

And Another 

This call came from a medical genetics clinic's office admin.  She wanted to schedule an appointment with me for pre-testing.  I had forgotten that a few months earlier I  agreed to  do the genetic testing I was offered three other times in my life time. I finally agreed,  after recently having  another aha moment where I was filled with a certain worry that my daughters could be predisposed to this thing I had that led to all these unhealthy dealings and long painful waits to rule out cancer. If , I figured, I tested negative, that would reduce my worry for them  and it would make the waits I and they expereinced  much less painful. That was months ago and I had literally forgotten all about it .

And Another

A week later , after I have the test I was dreading getting done in that department , I discover through the pretesting appointment  that my family may be at a higher risk than I originally thought, not only for breast cancer, but also for ovarian cancer.  And it was like a bell went off in my head, "Ting! Ting! Ting!" The thought immediately occurred to me, "This might just be a cyst or  endometriosis but if I do not make some changes it could turn into cancer. Maybe that is what my dream is telling me." Of course, if I test positive for BRC2 the option would be provided me to remove my reproductive organs to prevent ovarian cancer. I am not sure if these are the "changes" that  my dream was referring to or not.

And Another

Now when I finally got my other test results back, as I strongly suspected , there was no mention of the left side indicating to me that what ever is there causing the pain is more deeply infiltrated like an endometriosis. And there is a cyst on the right side. These are both far from life threatening issues...but...they both increase the risk for ovarian cancer in a post-menopuasal woman and if I am positive for BRC2 ...then they greatly increase the risk. The reporter indicated that I could go a year without follow up...which would not be good if I am at risk.  

Connected!

I don't care what anyone says I know in my heart that this dream and these events are all connected.  The question is to what.  What change am I suppose to make? 

What Change is the  Dream Pointing To? 

Has my dream and the synchronicity of the events that immediately followed  been trying to prepare me  and lead me toward testing and the preventitive measure of making physical changes in my body? 

I am not sure if I will test positive but if I do,  I now know what option I will take.  If  I got the call for an appointment before having this dream, I might have, once again, refused the testing...or if  I did agree and I tested positive I would probably not agree to  take the extreme aproach...but after that dream...I will get tested and I know what I will do should I test positive. Synchronicity has spoken.

I also know that the changes I need to make may have little  to do with testing results. It may have to do with my approach to health seeking.  Maybe I have to change my approach, to be strong and assertive, standing up for myself and others so we do not have to go through what I went through...so we get teh help we need.  Maybe my dream was just telling me, "With every health issue you are given, grow a stronger back bone, speak your truth about how you and others are sometimes treated. Trust yourself and your gut instinct. Use this to heal old wounds and become whole etc."   

I also question what I have been questioning long before the dream.  Is this living situation healthy for me?  I hear a big resounding "No!" in my head. Then I wonder was the  dream telling me, if I stay in this situation as it is  I will deplete my energy to the point of sickness?

Hmm! There is no doubt in my mind that what I have been experiencing with and since the  dream was synchronicity.  I know change of some kind needs to be made to protect and preserve my body long enough for me to carry out what I am here to do. And that change involves one or all of the above.  Time will tell.

Just So Amazing!

Pretty cool though, isn't it?  Knowing that there is something so much grander and wiser than this little body and mind we identify as "me" guiding us through this human experience is both amazing and comforting.

Please check out the video I "happened" upon this morning just when I was contemplating this wonderful thing called synchronicity. It was excatly what I needed at that moment in my life.  Amazing!

All is well!

APC-SF (March,2020) The Power of Coincidence on the Spiritual Path. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDxzFm-GBnY

You Got Time

 You've got all the time in the world because you've got all the time there is which is now.

Alan Watts

I loved hearing this today because, as you know, I have been having this recurring feeling that my time is running out ( which actually is a very great way to approach life). Felt I had to get some things in order, leave something valuable behind.  It really inspired me to create some projects and open up conversations with others I may have been procrastinating. It also left me a little pressured to get things done.  Then today I came across this video and these words popped out to remind and soothe my doing tendency. 

None of us know how long we are here on this planet.  It is good to remember that but instead of using this precious  moment, this now  hastily as a means to get to the next before our time runs out...we should really sink into and enjoy the now as well. We all have time to that right? 

All is well in my world.

Alan Watts/ via Matthew Moore ( Nov, 2013) You've got all the time in the world-Alan Watts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co04vu635_M

Irreducible Rascality

 In everyone of us is an element of irreducible  rascality.

Alan Watts

What the heck does that mean?

Ego remains in all of us to some degree no matter how "evolved" we become...Even if it is not who we are in the big picture,ego  is a part of who we are while we tramp around on earth.  And as long as ego is around we are going to be rascals to some degree .  No matter how much we meditate, do good deeds, and claim how spiritual we are...there will be moments when we are going to be selfish and pleasure seeking ( or at least doing all we can to avoid discomfort). We are going to slip into reactivity, getting lost in anger, resentment and frustration at times.  We are going to behave  in a  less than "spiritual" way every now and again as well. So denying this, pretending this is not the thing to do  and taking up airs of superior righteousness is not the way to go, according to many zen teachings. It is more in tune with our true nature to know that we all have that element of  rascality in us...recognize it, accept it, and embrace it before letting it go. 

So if you get anything from my blogs here, I do hope you get this element of irreducible rascality I have in me as I bleed all over the page with it. I am not claiming to be an awakened master...far from it...just some imperfect human being with a large ugly ego attached to  me as I express my willingness and desire to awaken. 

Disown spiritual arrogance and cultivate spiritual humility.Doug Noll

It is all good! All is well in my world. 

What do we do with what is given to us?

 What is given to us in this lifetime doesn't matter as much as what we do with it.

Jack Kornfield ( paraphrasing some  Buddhist wisdom) 

Sorry...been away for a while working on something else. And to be honest, I am still feeling a little uncomfortable writing here since I discovered that soemone or something was tampering.

Anyway...

I came across this quote this morning in a previous entry and it seemed so timely.  I spent a great deal of my morning praying for a certain guidance and support on how to deal with the same similiar circumstances that keep showing up in my life, especially in regards to health seeking and my present living situation. And every single time it takes me back to original trauma in a flash.  

Man ...when am I going to learn what I need to learn so I can get beyond these repetitive circumstances?  

As far as the health seeking: The test result came back and it, as I feared, does not even mention the left ovary to explain where the left sided pain is coming from.  It does say there is a cyst on the right ovary and recommends a repeat testing  in a year. ...but what about the left side where the  pain is?...not a word! I know I should be very relieved...no obvious mass to explain the pain but I was hoping for a cyst, at least, so I could say, "ahhh....that is what is causing the pain." 

As long as the scientific part of my mind does not have an explanation for why something is the way it is, it doesn't rest. The pain is telling me something, as is my dream. Someting is going on.

The pain indicates something needs to be looked at!  I have a high pain threshold ...like I don't even notice anything on the right side...but I am definitely having pain on the left side...there is definitely something going on there...and there was something that caused the bleeding...because there was bleeding! I was hoping to know what that something was and became so depleted when I witnessed how the old patterns of "I don't know"  are repeating...Whathever it is...I just want to know.  

There  will be more tests ordered, more trips to specialists and the vicious cycle of waiting and waiting and waiting without ever getting an explanation of what is going on in my body continues. I do not want the tests!!! I do not want the visits!!!I do not want to be at the mercy of this waiting game...the same game I was on for the breast mass from Novemeber 2019 until December 2020...I still don't know what that was and is going on there. For my heart issue ...symptoms started in 1993 and I now have a few mini diagnosis' but not a clear picture or explanation. Telling me what something  isn't, does not tell me what it is!  

 I just want to know what my body is doing on a physiological level...that's it! Tell me what it is doing on this level so I can deal with it on the deeper level. What I want is peace of mind not more waiting and focus on the body!

I have spent so much of my time and life energy on waiting for someone to explain to me, in a way that  makes sense to my fairly intelligent mind, what is going on physically within me.  I know disease, illness etc  is all psychosomatic in some way.  I get that.  I know that healing goes far beyond some diagnosis and treatment...but... I also feel that I cannot heal what I do not understand. Why am I not getting answers?  Why does my seeking answers always end up the same way? This  circumstance of waiting, not knowing, suffering without support becasue of...keeps repeating.  Why? 

I am probably right about my guess that it is some endometriosis adhesion that doesn't show up on ultrasound because I had in 2017, again in 2019 and the pain usually starts after the bleeding but will I ever have someone tell me that is what it is? I truly doubt it and my pain will not be taken into consideration. Why?  Because no one else can see it. I was probably right about the mass on my breast too ...which could be seen and felt...when I said from the beginning...it is a "ductal ectasia"...that made absolute sense to me but no one  came out and told me that is what it was.  They just said for well over a year ..."It looks like it might be cancer."....then"It doesn't seem to be cancer but we have to rule it out"...then "this is a concerning sign and that is a concerning sign, might be cancer" ...then "doesn't appear to be cancer." 

So what was it? What about the pain? Nothing 

The dream told me so clearly that something would be happening in my pelvic area ..not life threatening now but if I do not make some changes soon it will be. It was the clearest message in a dream I have ever had. (And I have had many such messages that manifested in waking life) . Two days later the bleeding started; 5-6 days later the pain started and has yet to be relieved. I can probably dismiss the pain but can I dismiss  the dream? 

That brings me to the other thing I seek support and guidance in...my living situation.  Was my dream telling me that if I staid in this situation where my energy is constantly being drained and not replenished, if I continued to endure this perpetual state of stressors...what is going on in my body now will become life threatening as a manifestation of these circumstances? And I can see that in my mind's eye...I can see that happening.  I have detiorated significantly in the last six months in terms of physicality and energy/coping  reserves. 

So that  is where I am at and that is why I am praying for guidance and support so I see clearly where I am to go with this.  

And then what quote do I run into that goes "Ting...ting..ting" when I read it...the above.  

It is not about what is happening to me or around me...it is what I am doing with it.  Am I reacting or responding?  Am I being guided by ego or the wise Self? Am I resisting or noticing, accepting, embracing and letting go? 

Oh man...I have some more contemplation to do. Sorry about boring you with this rampage but it just came out through my fingertips when I sat down to write this morning.

All is well. 

 Happy Mother's  Day to all mother's (and grandmothers).  May you have a lovely blessed day!

Despite a 'Suspicious Mind'

 For the past 33 years I looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself:" If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today? " And when ever the answer has been 'no' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Steve Jobs https://blog.hubspot.com/sales/steve-jobs-quotes

Well I think (but am not sure) that this site is more secure than it was .  At least the "not secure" icon has been removed from my opening page.  We will see how long that lasts. I just do not like the idea that I have to be hypervigalent here, always checking to make sure that things are not going missing...that my personal information is not at risk...I want to be transparent because I believe that is the healthiest way for us all to be but at the same time I know that makes me 'vulnerable' in more ways than one. I do not want to be trapped in a  suspicious (that is a really hard word to spell...I imagine it tripped more than one spelling bee contestant up lol)  mind .  

Man I just thought of this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxOBOhRECoo

We are caught in a trap...and I can't walk out....We can't go on together  with suspcious minds...and we can't build  our dreams on suspcious minds....

I was never a big Elvis fan but I think I am now. lol 

Anyway...despite all my intentions to avoid attachments and preferences...to let go and let be... I really, really want to come here everyday and I have something akin to withdrawals when I do not.  I guess I am attached. Sigh.  

But I can assure you that what is pulling me here is bigger than little me...it really is.  This, what I do here,  almost feels like a life sustaining thing for me. Without an opportunity to write daily in this way , my lungs are air hungry, my heart is trying to push  blood through a closed valve, my neurons are not able to send impulses over the synapses in the way they were designed to allow for all vital messages to get through and my cells cannot make use of the glucose ( the large amount btw) of it I consume to produce enough energy. I feel so "off".

I don't know how much time I have left on this planet.  I really don't but with whatever I have left...I know I am meant  to be writing and teaching and learning in this way.  That is what I know. There may be a heck of a lot of things I am doing that maybe I do not need to waste the precious time I have left doing but as far as this...yeah...this is what I am here for. So I make myself transparent and vulnerable, doing my best  not to get caught in the  trap of a sucpicious mind.  Hmmm!

All is well in my world. 

Embarassing

All through my wild days...my mad existence...

 Well this is really embarassing!! 

I just gave a big speech to the crowd ...one similar to Eva Peron's "Don't cry for me Argentina"speech ...explaining to everyone  that I have to leave even though I don't want to. I go to make a dramatic, sacrificial exit only to realize I don't know where the door is.  I don't know how to leave or as I referred to it, "shut it down". I don't know how to make my blog disappear (if only temporarily to make a point).  

Embarassing! 

I walked into a a few walls but man I cannot find the exit. So I am still here, walking around with my head down and my shoulders scrunched up to my ears, hoping nobody noticed how I didn't actually leave the room. 

All is well!

 As much as I do not want to.  I have to close down for a bit.  Someone or something is able to access my site other than me and remove pics, text and rearrange.  Not sure if it is some kind of a joke or if they are just trying to mess with my head or have something more ominous as an intention, but they obviously have my IP address and can get into this which I have, as you know, been keeping pretty private. The pic that is missing has already been published elsewhere so they are just setting themselves up for some copyright infringement. Well...whoever they are, I hope they find their way to a better way of being. 

Take care for now. 

Lucid Dreaming

 Lucid dreaming lets you make use of thedream state that comes to you every night to have a stimulating reality  

Stephen LaBerge

I am a lucid dreamer, have been for as long as I remember. Lucid dreamers have certain traits that lead them toward a certain lucidity in dream state.  I have a lot of those traits.  

1. Frequent Nightmares: I have had night terrors since I was a little girl and the lucid dreaming arose, I believe, as a way to handle the terror in my dreams and the trauma induced fear in my waking life.  The nightmares  went away after I dsicovered that it was best to confront fear, rather than run from it.  I began to confront it in my waking life and I began to actively confront it in my sleeping life.  If the source of my night  terror was hiding behind a window or a door, instead of attempting to scream for help with a voice that would not come out, or run on legs that would not move , or curl up in a ball waiting for it to come and "get me"...I began to make  myself  walk towards the door or window my fear was behind and open it. I told myself, in my dream, that facing fear was the  only way through fear. .As soon as I opened the door or window I would find nothing there and I would stop remembering my dream from there. The night terrors diminished significantly. 

2. Vivid Dream Recall: I am not saying I remember all my dreams in detail but I remember a great deal. I make it a point every morning to write what I remember from dreams down. Some recurrent themes to dream snippets  are driving...and not quite knowing how to get to where I am going, dressing/changing clothes/ suitcases full of different outfits, caring for people who are sick and or dying, looking after/saving  animals and teaching people about who they really are.  These themes  have been in my dreams for as long as I can remember in varying context.  I see different characters...some I have never seen before and others   are the same recurring  characters in different forms?  I know who they are even if they are in different bodies.  I am not sure what body I am in...it seems to keep changing.  I never really see myself except from a distance the odd time.  I often talk to people who have passed on...usually by telephone?  They call me...I know who they are even though they never talk to me...I talk to them but I know they have a message for me and I try to "guess" what it might be.  They often get frustrated with me and hang up because I keep getting it wrong...even though they do not say anything, I know they are frustrated. Other times...they seem pleased that I got it and they really, really want me to remember it when I wake up. Throughout my dreams both the alive and dead people are relaying important information to me...and I say in my dream, "I am supposed to remember this when I wake up, aren't I?" I promise to remember it but when I wake up I often remember that I was supposed to remember a number or a phrase or a symbol scribbled on a piece of paper or a stanza for a poem I am supposed to write but I often cannot, at least not in detail.  Sometimes the messages are so vague and cryptic and other times they are so clear. I did recall when I was told by a very familiar entity that I could not see, "Something is going on in your pelvic area...don't worry ...it is not life threatening...but it will become so if you don't make certain changes in yor approach." That was days before I started bleeding.  I also remember what I was told in my dream last night by this Something or Someone I could not see...I am often given messages by  this familiar female energy. I won't share it here becaause it does not make a lick of sense...yet. lol

3. Sleep paralysis.  I have not had an episode of this in so very long...knock on wood...but I do at times wake up completely paralyzed.  I can not move my body or make a sound...and there is this heaviness pushing me down.  I know at that time...I have a choice...to fall back into the heaviness or do whatever I can,  fight with all I have, to turn over on my side ( I am usually on my back) . The heavines seems so powerful pulling me back into it.  In those moments it is so hard to turn over but I fear if I give into the heaviness, I will never wake up again. My survival instinct kicks in and I push through it. I can also see and experience some very "unplesant" things in those moments...what I have come to undersatnd as hallucinations because I am still partially in REM sleep.  It is a very terryfying experience so I do what I can to avoid sleeping on my back. 

4. Introspective personality: Well that is self evident by my writing here. :)

5. A person who meditates: I am discovering that I am becoming more and more lucid in my dreaming, the more I meditate.  I woke up yesterday morning feeling  that heaviness, that idea that I have to change my life somehow, that I have been carrying around over the last six months. On top of that I had the pelvic pain. I did not feel 'good'.  So I said I was going to spend a lot of my day meditating.  I did four guided mediations over the course of the day.  I felt better in the  evening, better than I felt in a long while. And last night ...my dream state  was so cool.  At one point ...after I recieved the messages (which still do not make sense to me though they made perfect sense in my dream)  and was looking for a piece of paper and a pen (in my dream) to write it down so I wouldn't forget...I said to the characters around me, "Oh my goodness, I am doing it again.  I am dreaming and I am aware I am dreaming. I am a lucid dreamer , you know? This is a dream. "  They just looked at me and I had the impression they thought  I was nuts. "This is so cool!  " I said, "Watch me." And I decided I was going to make myself do some somersaults in the air. So I jumped up and spun around very slowly and then I did it again even more slowly before landing back on my feet.  I am not sure of their reaction...not even sure if I was looking for it or cared even.  I was just so thrilled that my lucid dreaming had advanced to that point.  It was very freeing.  I woke up this morning feeling so much betetr than I did in a long time. 

Where does a lucid dreamer go from here?   I can use my dream, as Carl Jung would surely recommend, as a means to relieve and  resolve this heaviness/"what change do I need to make in my life" issue.  I can sit down with my dream characters, add those who I trust to the circle, and discuss it with them.  That female entity that cannot be seen...just might be the wise Self within me and she may just be able to provide a clear message that I will remember on waking up. Worth a try, isn't it? 

Hmmm!  

I share this because I have always been fascinated by the healing power of dreams. Thought, by chnace, you might be too.

Check out the articles I found on lucid dreaming 

All is well in my world.

It is actually a scientific phenomena : https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2737577/

                                                             https://www.sleepfoundation.org/dreams/lucid-dreams

                                                             https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-superhuman-mind/201212/lucid-dreaming-and-self-realization

                                                              https://vbchange.com/lucid-dreaming-spirituality/

 

Stephen LaBerge & Howard Rheingold (1991) Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming.Ballantine Books

Allowing It All Into The Circle

The sound of the rain needs no translation.

as quoted by Alan Watts in the video below

I love the sound of the rain and by the cloud cover out there I think I will be hearing it again soon. 

I also love this little quote because it speaks to this idea that we cannot always translate Life and the experience of it into words, ideas, concepts or explanations to appease the mind.  There is simply a "beingness" to Life that can only be experienced.

Many of us are looking for, striving for "knowledge" on how to enjoy Life and ways to spread that joy instead of just enjoying each moment of it as it unfolds before us.  We are too busy trying to get someplace 'up there'  to enjoy what is now. 

To spread joy you have to have joy, to impart delight you must more or less be delightful...you have to do things that are a delight for you....People who are interesting are people who are interested. 

 I come to the realization, that after all the "work" I have done, that  I am still striving for something I have yet to feel I "achieved". My "search" for peace of mind, for joy, for a sense of purpose in this life time has led me full circle. 

I am going around in big bold circle aren't I?  We all are, aren't we? That is Life... a perpetual rhythmic circling...not a linear process of from here to there. 

Throughout my circling "in search of peace" I have had tremendous moments of peace, joy, laughter, clarity and faith, , realization of growth, and moments where I sensed "achievement''.  I have also had moments of turmoil, stress, grief, confusion and doubt, a feeling of being stuck and moments when I sensed failure. 

Even in those dark moments there was a certain, underlying supportive presence, a love that I cannot translate accurately into words. This Something or No-thing that I can not explain, gently guides me and encourages me, motivates me to move around and around and around again even when I am not conscioulsy aware of it.

My mind may tell me "I am searching for peace in order to end suffering " and "when I suffer I have failed in my mission" .  But this loving Something or No-thing reminds me that I am simply circling...moving in and moving out of circumstances,  as circumstances move in and out of me...the way Life intends. 

I am going to keep circling...even if my search for peace, which is nothing more than an idea, is dropped . The more I realize and connect to this Something or No-thing that moves me  the less I have to search or strive for anything. I can witness it all , enjoy it, find delight in it  I will not  get hung up by the dark moments, the heavy circumstances, the apparent failures( which are really no different than my achievements) and this idea that "I am not quite there." 

There is no "there".  It is all just "here".  Living Life from "here" will make me interesting, and allow me to spread joy and impart delight as we are all meant to do. 

How lovely is that?

All is well in my world.

The Exuberance of Nature

What happened here?  There was a pic and a quote?  A pic that I can prove came from my camera? I am going to investigate further.

In Turmoil?

 People think well  it would be nice to have peace of mind, to be calm, to be serene, to be undisturbed by this that and  the other but you see as long as you make all those things objects of your desire you are defining yourself as lacking  them and a person who is looking for peace is obviously in turmoil....the more you strive to stop the interior commotions, the more you are stirring them up. 

I was made aware of something in myself upon listening to Alan Watts speak as he did in the video linked below. "people looking for peace are actually in turmoil." 

I have been on a life long journey of waking up, of seeking peace. Why?  Because I wanted to put an end to this sense of struggle and turmoil I carried with me my whole life. My real goal, as it is for many of us who want to find peace/enlightenment, is to end suffering.  I read what I read, I write what I write, I meditate, practice yoga, surround myself with natue, quiet and solitude because I want to  put an end to the mess 'my' mind is constantly making of things and the unease that causes me. That is my motivation ...to end suffering.

Attempting to Get There

Peace has become some place I will get to...a finish line that marks the end of suffering. I see it as the marker by which I will be able to measure my success, to let me know I got there. 'Getting there' will allow me to  say, "I did it! I got here!I ended suffering because I now have found peace."

So I read the books, I listen to the wise ones teach, I sit to meditate, I practice yoga everyday, I write what I learn here, ...all with the intention of getting somewhere up there in the future. I am taking steps toward peace.  I mean  though there are moments when I feel I am there ...there are many more moments when I am 'struggling to get there". 

But really it is not about going anywhere.  Every thing I "do" should simply be  about doing it completely and living it fully. 

...every moment of it you are simply absorbed in the ripply luminous world...you are not going anywhere.

And what have I been doing on my mental journey to get  somewhere up there?  I have been stepping over peace to get to peace.  I have been stirring up the unease in my attempt to flee from it. 

Not Quite There Yet

I have always had this sense that "I am not quite there yet."  Sure I figure I am getting there.  I see how I am evolving and learning and growing.  I see how I am getting closer to peace ...but I also see that the more I strive to get there...push to get there,  struggle to get there...the more unease Life seems to dump on my lap.  Why? Because Life wants me to realizie  there is no up there, no "golden Goodie" as Watts refers to it,  up there at some proverbial finish line.  What I am looking for is already here...I am surrounded by it.  I am it!

Make this peace seeking whether it be in the form of meditation, yoga or walking around the streets chanting some mantra.... merely a form of joyous energy...instead of a search for something.  Anything, according to Watts, can be a form of meditation. 

It is not the future that holds what we are seeking.  Peace is already here right now and right here.  In fact, we are peace.  We do not need to seek it. 

If you would only realize that the purpose of life is not in the future and if you think it is you will go on and on and on looking for it there and never find it because the future in its own way fades out in the same way that the past fades out.

There is no need to seek or strive.  Peace is now. 

All is well in my world! 

Alan Watts/Wiara (Sept, 2017) Alan Watts-The Real Purpose of Doing Anything. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMpJm_dYbx0

A Reminder to Live

 

Deepening The Wonder 

Death is a favour to us,
But our scales have lost their balance.

The impermanence of the body
Should give us great clarity,
Deepening the wonder in our senses and eyes

Of this mysterious existence we share
And are surely just traveling through.

If I were in the Tavern tonight,
Hafiz would call for drinks

And as the Master poured, I would be reminded
That all I know of life and myself is that

We are just a mid-air flight of golden wine
Between His Pitcher and His Cup.

If I were in the Tavern tonight,
I would buy freely for everyone in this world

Because our marriage with the Cruel Beauty
Of time and space cannot endure very long.

Death is a favour to us,
But our minds have lost their balance.

The miraculous existence and impermanence of Form
Always makes the illuminated ones
Laugh and Sing.

by Hafiz

Isn't that absolutely beautiful? 

Huh?  What the heck does it mean? 

Hafiz is telling us that our span here in this existence is short...we are just travelling through ...we are that liquid that flows between His Pitcher ( the infinite, eternal  Source of everything) and His cup( the vessels we end up in that are finite and impermanent). If we could only allow ourselves to look deeply at the impermenance of form and see our bodies as simply vessels that temporarily hold that which is permanent...we would celebrate and share all we have to offer with everyone and the whole world. 

As the wise ones know, this awareness of death can remind us to play, to dance, to laugh, to sing, to enjoy, to give and to love for the short time we are here, celebrating in the miracle of Life. Yet, too many of us have minds that have "lost their balance" ...that judge things as good or bad, things worthy of considration or things that  need to be denied. Death has become such a thing in this twisted way many of us look out at the world.We consider it dark and something we want to avoid considering.

 When we run from Death...we do not live. We are looking at only one side of existence. When we do not consider both sides, the  contrast, that every bit of light has darkness, every front has a back,  every coming has a going...we are not balanced. 

Let's, instead, learn to look at death and impermenance  as something that balances the scale..that creates equanimity, wholeness and that also offers  a reminder to live.  Hmm! 

All is well in my world. 

Invite

In order not to get trapped in the repetitive  activity of the mind...you need to invite the unconditional mind into your life at every moment.

Eckhart Tolle 

Narrow Focus

 The Price which we pay for specialization in conscious attention is ignorance [ignore-ance] of everything else outside its field...if you concentrate on a figure you tend to ignore the background.

Alan Watts

Alan Watts is my man these days.  I am finally ready to understand his teachings.  I have tried for years to do so, sitting down with a bunch of his pamphlet sized and contraband books on my lap while others in my household  chastised me with warnings that it was"sacrilegious" to study such things that went so against the church.  But there I was in my rebellious late teens, with a Norman Vincent Peale book in one hand and an Alan Watts in the other,  determined to learn something valuable.  Norman's teaching I could understand, Alan's went way over my head.  I wasn't ready. 

Now I am. I see my ability to comprehend and soak up these teachings as a testament to my growth. I have advanced from one level to the next. I  am an advanced student now. So many learning barriers have been removed from this proverbial classroom  which is my mind...and it is like "aha!" ....I can see clearly what the many teachers that come in and out of it are teaching. All teachings, all lessons, all levels were so valuable in getting me here. 

Unity Vs Seperation

So the lesson I have been focusing my conscious attention on lately has been this idea that What is explicably two can at the  same time be implicitly one. Every inside has an outside.  Every right has a left.  Every front has a back.  But if we rely only on what our five senses, which are very selective filters,  are allowing into our consciousness we will only see the front and not the back.  We will not see it as one being that needs a front and back, right and left, inside and outside.  We will see the seperate parts and not the whole.  

If we focus on the figure we will also ignore the background.  But that figure could not be if it wasn't for the background. 

Seperating the Organism from the Environment, the Foreground from the Background

As a person who likes to take pictures, I will often purposefully blur the background in my potrait or macro shots. I make the camera "focus" on the figure in front of me.  The figure is what I want you to notice as significant.  The background, I want you to see as insignificant.  I know it would distract from what I want you to notice so I selectively blur it. I narrow my focus. It is as if I am trying to portray that there is a significant organism in an insignificant environment.  Yet,  that  is merely a trick of the camera ...just like the way we see the world is often a trick of the mind. 

That face, that flower, that insect in my photo is nothing without its environment.  I can blur it for the senses, reducing what I allow the  camera and your senses to pick up all I like but the reality is you would not see the figure if it wasn't for the environment it was in. First of all if it wasn't for the environment the organism would not be . And secondly, photographically ...that face you are seeing depends on the  background...on the light, on the colours behind it, on the  shade  etc.  Even if the camera and your mind ignores the background...makes it "appear" insignificant...the background and the figure are inseperable. 

The foreground and the background, the organism and the environment share a unified field of behaviour. 

The organism is not the puppet of the environment, being pushed around by it, nor is the environment a puppet of the organism, being pushed around by it. The relationship between the two ...is transactional. 

We often do not see that do we ? We seperate things and ourselves in a multitude of ways.  We tend to see differences as seperating instead of understanding their unified and transcational behaviour.  We allow our senses to select the input necessary to determine our reality. We therefore often see the seperate figures and not the background. 

Noticing: From a Narrow Focus to a Wide Angle

Our senses, however, are very limited and  selective in what they allow us to pick up from this world. We narrow our focus and use our limiting central vision when we can actually expand our conscious attention instead.  

Just like I can switch lens on my camera depending on what I want to see and capture, we can switch our attention on what we gaze on.  If I put a wide angle lens on my camera ...I am going to pick up everything in the field .  I see how everything belongs in that frame with all the contrasts, highlights and low lights, blacks and whites...it all fits together to create this one image. If I put a zoom lens on I can get really close to one thing at the expense of ignoring everything else. I seperate that thing from its environment.  I isolate it.  I make it appear alone. I remove the contrast to some degree. 

So we can focus our attention with a type of central vision that blurs everything else out or we can open up that vision with a wide angle attention so we see everything.  When we chose the first lens/ attention focus we see the differences and the seperation...making everything look scary.  We become afraid of the contrast that slips into the frame.  We have a tendency to look at the world this way. To select into our conscious attention only that which is note worthy.

Our physical world is a a system of inseperable differences..everyting exists with everything else but we continue not to notice that because what we notice is noteworthy...What is noticed appears to you to be significant and the rest is insignificant. 

Try zooming out of your selective focus on seperate things and look at the whole. Snap  on a wide angle lens...so you can see how all the different things are actually inseperable.

All is well in my world.

Alan Watts/Wiara ( April 2018) The Most Important Lesson, Everyone Should Learn. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVpj7WWC-nw 

Hasty Judgements?

 How little do they see what really is, who frame their hasty judgements on that which seems.

Daniel Webster (Brainy quote of the day...https://www.brainyquote.com/quote_of_the_day)

Do you make hasty judgements?  Are they based solely on what seems to be real to you? Do you ever stop to ask yourself, just when you are about to assume something about another or something, "Hmm! Could I be seeing unclearly?  Is it possible that what I am about judge is not exactly as it appears to be?  Could the  anger, resentment, or fear that is being released with some old memories be blurring the real picture for me? Would it be best to pull back my desire to plant a "right or wrong", "good or bad", and my "should and should not" label down on whatever I am witnessing? Would it be best to consider that what I am about to judge is not as real as it seems?"

Sigh! 

I often fail to stop and ask myself those questions when I am looking out upon the world before me. I reactively go around with my invisible label puncher slapping judgements on the experiences I am having with things and other people. People get hurt when I do that.  I get hurt becasue I am not being true to my Self....the part of me that does not label or judge. I have to remind myself, in my yet to be evolved state,   I may not be seeing clearly.  Hmmm!

Just be aware of that possibility.  Do not judge yourself harshly or hastily either for judging. It is a human tendency. Just quietly step back and observe your self starting to judge or getting lost in judgement and gently coax yourself back. 

It is process of committed practice and learning that eliminates this tendency we have towards hasty judgements and that takes us to the place where we can see what really is. 

All is well

Relax Into the Learning

 

Your mind will answer most questions if  you learn to relax and wait for the answer.

William S Borroughs

Missed a couple of days here.  Life circumstance has pulled me away again. Let me rephrase that...my resistance to Life's lessons have pulled me away Sigh!!! Can I sigh again?  Sigh!!! 

That teacher in front of the classroom thinks I am a heck of a lot smarter than I am because boys is She/He throwing the lessons at me. Some moments during the intense lessons I feel stressed and agitated like I am suppose to "do" something to make it all better. I am out of my seat,  pacing back and forth.  Then I get confused, confronting the teacher with..."What do I do? " And the teacher just looks at me shaking his/her head, says nothing and points to the seat I was assigned. I sit again and remind myself that doing is not the answer  until I at least understand the lesson better. So I start studying the lesson in front of me...thinking I might just get it and wham...another one is thrown on my desk.   Then another and another. I get overwhelmed.  I feel like it is too much at once.  

Too Much? 

I realize, when I stop long enough, that it isn't too much. I am just using my tiny, personalized mind to make a judgement that it is too much.  I am listening to this hyperactive, conditioned portion of "my self" instead of trusting the teacher before me...Life.  

Life knows what it is doing, I remind myself, Life knows that I am capable of catching on to. It isn't about my little mind, my little body..."my" anything. 

Just breathe and begin again. Breathe and begin again.  Breathe and begin again.

Don't force the learning...just relax into it, open your heart and mind to it and the clarity will come.  Hmmm! 

All is well in my world.  

If That Wasn't There, You Would Not Be Here.

 Underneath opposite/contrast there is harmony.

Underneath duality there is unity.

Alan Watts 

Hmmm! I am seeing that more and more.  I am seeing how we cannot have one without the other.  We cannot have light without darkness; we cannot have a coming without a going; we cannot have pleasure without pain; we cannot have good without bad; we cannot have right without left. The meaning of absolutely everything is relative and its very existence is interdependent on the existence of the "other."  

Existence  is releationship.

So the opposites come together to form one thing or a no-thing. Though we may see a vast distinction between right and wrong, for example, ...right and wrong do not see it in themselves. They come together as they are meant to. We may not "see" this unity on the surface but it is there. We cannot have spring and rebirth without winter and death.  They seem like opposites but they are totally related and interdependent. 

Duality is always secretly unity.

Everything is  meant to be and everything comes together, folds in and out, winds around the other   to form the perfect fabric  of the universe. Absolutely everything is necessary underneath our limited understanding of it. 

Everything reflects off of everything else...so if one of those "things" is missing...the other cannot be seen or known, therefore cannot exist. 

If "Left" was missing...there would be no "Right", would there?  Can there be an absence of"Right" as long as there is a "Left"?  Take a piece of paper and cut the right side of it off.  Will all that you have then,  be  a left side?  Were you are able to get rid of the right side ?  Of course not... you may have a thinner piece of paper but you have a left and right.  You can snip and snip and snip but you will not get rid of the right side until you get rid of the left...until there is no paper to cut. This interdependence beteen what seems to be contrast cannot be removed. We are just one of many of these things. Our very existsence is dependent on the  existence of everything else.

If that there wasn't there you wouldn't be here. 

If there was no other being or thing in the universe  to see, hear you, touch you etc you  would not exist, would you? Your being here is dependent on them being here.  

In the same way we all come from the same Source...we are splatters of stardust scattered around the earth. Whatever had an impact making some of that stardust look and behave a certain way, had an impact making you look or act a certain way.  Whatever affects the molecule structure of anything on this planet will have an effect on you.  If that  knob on the trunk of the tree in the corner of your yard was not there, you would  not exist ( at least not in the way you are existing now). Whatever made that knob the way it was will affect you and make you the way you are. 

There is a law of connectivity and interdependence to everything... creating an intricate Web of Life  that determines how things manifest in this world. Everyting is relationship becasue existence is relationship.

Fascinating, isn't it? 

All is well.

Alan Watts/True inspiration (December, 2017) The Web of Life ( Interdependence of All Things) by Alan Watts https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPaSiVc75w8

Think about that for a while.

You Are A Wave

 You are something the whole universe is doing, in the same way the wave is something the ocean is doing.

The real you is not a puppet that Life pushes around. The real deep down you is the whole universe.

Alan Watts From T & H Inspiration and Motivation (August 2012) The Real You-Alan Watts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMRrCYPxD0I

Beams of Light

 Beams of Light

The world emerges,

dances and plays,

trips and falls, 

suffers and dies,

jumps  up again,

shakes itself off

then bows 

in mock seriousness

before scampering off the stage

to get ready for the next act.

And we watch

behind this heavy dark curtain, 

each a pin prick of light,

a tiny beam shining onto the stage,

allowing  the actors

in there ever changing scenery

 to be seen.

So intent are we  

to  follow the  drama,

to be  entertained, 

pleasured and pleased

numbed and distracted, 

that we cling to the velvety fabric, 

hold our breaths and watch,

allowing ourselves to get lost 

in the play unfolding

before us.

We cry when the hero falls,

we cheer when she gets up.

We shoo away the villian

and scream in warning

when the lights go down

and the orchestra's tempo rises.

We feel the  fabric,

against our flesh

as we look out 

through the tiny eyehole

we call our own...

at what we believe to be real.

We are self-consciously aware 

but try to ignore

 the other

 pinpricks of light 

that shine out 

from seperate seats .

We do not want to feel 

the proximity of  hands

clinging, like our own,

to the curtain we share.

We just focus on

what our own little light

allows us to see

with our unique intrepretations

as if 

this was all there was. 

There may be  many seperate 

holes in the fabric

but 

there is just one 

brilliant glowing 

light  that emerges 

through all these openings

and we 

are simply one opening

through which this light shines. 

If we were to release 

the hold our tight fists

have on this curtain,

step back and away

from its many folds,

we would see...

we are all small beams 

from One Great Light.

What is being played out on stage 

is not important...

this Light is. 

© Dale-Lyn April 2021

Inspired by :

Alan Watts/True Inspiration (December, 2017) The Web of Life (Interependence of All Things) by Alan Watts https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPaSiVc75w8

And of course from Jacques, Act II Scene VII As You Like It ...William Shakespeare

All the world's a stage/ And all men and women merely players...

 

Hmm!  As you know, I have been having this gnawing feeling that someone or something ( a bot or whatever) has been doing something unethical  with my site, possibly taking stuff and calling it their own. I did get external warnings that this was likley happening but I pushed it all aside for the joy of being able to come here. The feeling would not go away though, (either did other people's warnings)...you know how these feelings of mine work by now. :) Then I came across a blog entry today  that was read today and  obviously tampered with. An entry with a poem and pic  was removed and replaced with another entry.  I have a copy of the previously published hard copy to prove it.  How did they do this? They had to have access to the editorial portion of my site, or be able to sign in to my site.  hmmm! More importantly, "Why?" Why  would anyone want to do that? If they get into this site, can they get into my computer?   I will contact the administrators  and see what I have to do.  I do not want to shut down but I might have to. :( I will let you know. 

Fall Into the Space Behind the Mind

 Be the space for that which arises.

Eckhart Tolle

"Follow me," the mind says. "You have to fix and work out your whole life?" 

Too often we follow that order from the conditioned and "normal" mind.  We go off trying to analyze what is wrong, what could go wrong,what needs to be fixed,what we have to do to prevent things from getting broken, who is to blame, who we need to defend ourselves against,  and how to bloody control  every thing in our lives so it fits us comfortably.  Wow!  That is a tall order from the mind and though it does its best to assist us in fixing our whole life, it certainly causes a whole host of other problems, doesn't it? 

Most obviously, it keeps us stuck in our heads away from the quiet stillness we hunger for, whether we know it or not.  It takes us away from the only place Life can be found: here and now. It also leads to alot of judgement on our parts, a lot of determining what is good and what is bad, what is right and what is wrong...and therefore  a lot of expectations about how our life "should be" or "shouldn't be". When we meet up with the sad reality that our expectation are constantly going unmet we fall into unconscious reactivity.  We end up hurting others and we end up hurt by others.  

After all, it is the "normal" mind that says "follow me." It is the "normal" mind that says there is a problem out there-fix it!"  It is the "normal" mind that says , "Things and people should be a certain way." If it is "normal"that means  most people operate under the control of this mind. That doesn't mean, however, that normal is healthy.  This isn't healthy...at all. This keeps us unconcious. 

The Healthier Option: Fall into the space behind the mind.

Instead of listening to this mind with its never ceasing demands, we can simply fall into the space behind the mind...the space from which the mind and all its thought emerges.  We can move from the unconscious state of reactivity which is in the forefront of our experience, to the conscious state of response which is the background.  

Movement there requires little effort. Just fall into that space. Meditation, yoga or a mindfulness practice can drop us into this space. Once there we can tap into the Observer who is not following the sick advice of the "normal" mind...it is simply watching it. It is not attempting to fix, or manipulate and control what is happening around us... it is just watching it.  It is not judging or expecting...it is simply watching.  It does not tell Life what to do...it just observes...It becomes alert, and aware of mind and all its thinking, feeling , reacting. It is alert and aware of the circumstances of  life unfolding.  It acknowledgs those thoughts, and emotions, as well as the people around us and everything they may or may not do. It does this while  it accepts and appreciates all the moment offers.  It clings to nothing. It denies nothing.  It just is as Life just is. Loving all of it. 

That is the healthier option, don't you think?

All is well in my world.  

 Just an FYI.  I am taking all these blogs and putting them into book form with an ISBN and all lol.  Will be ready soon. Something within just told me to do so and to let you know I was doing so. :) 

All is well.

The Broom is too Far Away!

 Just Writing!

I just did a bit of a free flow creative writing exercise and all that came up was the title????  I have no idea what happened to it!

So I am back after two hours to see if I  I can rebuild the story I lost.  I wonder how much actually stuck with me, or if it will flow like it seemed to do as it came off the top of my head. Let's see how much of it I remember.: 

The mat outside the mudroom is piled high with footwear of various shapes and sizes , thrown  in random chaos from  sloppy and hurried feet that had better places to be. I see puddles of dry mud etched with paw prints, also of various shapes and sizes, creeping toward me. I know I should tidy up those shoes and sweep up the dirt but the air around me makes it too heavy to move.  Even if I were to fight through the invisible wall of gravity, to bend down to undo that pile and point all the toes in the same direction, it would be for nothing.  Within minutes those shoes would jump and climb and tumble their way back into the chaotic mountain they long to be in, getting taller each time. 

As for the sweeping...the broom  seems miles from where I am, a distance I cannot even seem to contemplate, let alone attempt to cross. If I was already standing and I  had it in my hands, I suppose I would sweep away the mudroom mud and make my way into this kitchen.  Pellets have managed not only to escape the five metal pet bowls that lay scattered around on the floor, but also my bigger dog's keen awareness and insaitable appetite. She is not one to leave a morsel of food  behind but tonight she has left a trail of  dejected nuggets, that taunt and tease me to do something about it. Sigh.  I am not standing and I do not have the broom in my hands.

I am sitting out at the dining room table where my  computer and writing space , has been randomly and hurriedly relocated from my office  in order to make room for another needy body and mind to crash in. I have chords and wires wrapped around me and the happy checkered spring table cloth  is bunched and wrinkled in a ball beneath my keyboard. It adds to the sad decor of a reality where the only one that cleans is too tired to do so.  If only the broom was not so far away...maybe I could use it to make others do what my body tells me I will not be doing.  

From here I can see the counter top and this mornings dishes, and some of yesterday's too, cluttering for space on this old and tired painted surface.  I also see the "perishable"  junk that should have been put back in the fridge hours ago by others, others who do not seem to know their names. 

And then there is  the banana peels to consider,  wrapped around the base of the blender despite my never ending pleads of "Don't feed the fruit flies!" 

If  I had a broom in my hands, one with a six foot telescopic handle , and some training in the art of horizontal sweeping,  I bet I could clean off that counter in one neat sweep.  I could probably even get the banana peels into the garbage can. I see some considerate soul has already removed the top of that can and has placed in on the middle of the floor, just so I could practice.  In fairness, maybe that someone was not of the two legged version.  Maybe it was my bigger dog, that knocked the lid off in one of her steroid induced binging frenzies. I have yet to train her to replace it. 

It really doesn't matter who took it off, I guess,  or how many times the others trip over it, cursing their way to the fake wood landing, I will be the only one to have the privelege of reacquanting the top of that can/recently turned compost heap with its body. Sigh! It just seems so far away.

Maybe if I had a broom in my hands that had a handle with a ten foot reach and some expert coaching from Wayne Gretzky I could lift that top off of the floor as if it were an obedient puck, making it land exactly where it should be.  It would be so nice to have something around me exactly where it should be. 

But atlas Wayne is nowhere to be found and my broom is still in the mudroom closet, much, much too far away. Sigh...so I will just sit where I am allowing gravity and entropy to do what gravity and entropy do best. 

All is well in my world!

Weebles Wobble

 You do not know where your decisions come from.  They pop up like hiccups... Choice is the  act of hestitation we make before making a decision. ..It is a mental "wobbeling".... Each of these lives is the right one. Every path is the right path. Everything could have been anything else and it would have had just as much meaning. 

Alan Watts

Decisions, decisions, decisions

Back to making major life decisions...and I realized today just how much I have been "wobbeling" . I have been like a Weeble...Do  you remember those? "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down"? 

I have been asking myself, considering a future decision : "What would be the right thing to do if...?" And considering decisions in my present circumstances... "Am I doing the right thing now?" 

Weebles Wobble But They Don't Fall Down

With any decision I feel I have to make, I fear that I will take the wrong path and regret it.  I fear that the choice I make might not be right for someone else impacted by my decisions. I fear that not making a decision to change something is actually a decision that is unhealthy for all. 

What I tend to forget is that I am like the  Weeble...I can't fall down.  I can't make the wrong decision or take the wrong path. 

I can't fall down. I can go from side to side, from this possibility  to that, from this con to that pro, from that road to this one...but I cannot fall down.  I will certainly wobble ...the more I  push myself  this way...the more I will counter that with a movement the other way, just like the pendulum Singer refers to in the untethered soul, swings back and forth. 

We wobble in that act of hesitation but eventually a decision will be made. When  we release the tension on either side, the wobbeling will gradually cease its momentum and we will come to a still and balanced place. We will always end up in this still and balanced place, regardless of what choice we make.

I recently had a loved one make a very painful decision that would change his life forever.  It will actually impact the special relationships he has with those most dear to his heart,  as well.  For that reason he struggled with that decision for months, wobbling back and forth. Others had a part in influencing his decision by making decisions of their own that pushed him a certain way, which he countered with a move in the other direction as Weebles are inclined to do. Until finally a decision was made. It came up like a hiccup. Though the way the decision was expressed could have been a little more appeasing...he made the decision and its done.  

Was it the wrong decision?  

No , it couldn't be .  It just meant he chose one of many paths that would lead him right to where he is now...because right here and right now, in whatever form it is in, is where he is supposed to be . 

No matter how much effort or worry we put into our decison making, how much we wobble this way or that,  and no matter what path we end up on....we cannot make a mistake. Whatever the outcome... it has just as much meaning as the alternative outcome from the other choice. They are one and the same. 

That is pretty profound, isn't it?  I think so.

I may or may not have to make a decision in a few weeks that will change my body and life forever.  That decision, I believe,  will get helped along by what is happening in my body right now to some extent... This decsion, then,  that will need to be made about my body, now and possibly in the future,  leaves me wobbeling ...true ...but it has also  inspired me to make another decision in my present reality that will be for the good of all. 

The decisions all seemed to come together into one beautifully wobbeling Weebble. A Weeble that is wobbeling to a nice balanced stillness.  I feel a certain peace, knowing that.. Hmm!

All is well in my world!

Lean in

 Lean into the discomfort and watch yourself grow.

The Prison and C.O.'s Within Our Minds

Hmm! I feel overwhelmed again as I  watch  life unfold in front of me with what most of us would see as a series of complicated "stressors".  I feel like I am getting zapped or bonked on the head by some mental correctional officer inside my head again and again,  as he warns , "Okay...you are getting too close to where you shouldn't be. Back up." 

And of course, I back up and away from the discomfort. I drop  my eyes from the source of it and therefore I drop my eyes from that which is on the other side of it.  I become afraid of the discomfort and I learn to do whatever I can to avoid the zaps and the bonks. My world then becomes very small and much energy and effort is used to keep me safe within in it. I also attempt to distract from the reality of being imprisoned in between the walls of this discomfort and numb myself with whatever diversional activity I can find, be it contraband or not. (Well that line was just added for dramatic effect...the most contraband thing I am into these days are sugar and  Netflix binges....but you get the picture right...all still numbing and addictive in its diversional ability.) I avoid getting too close to the edges or, heaven forbid,  any attempt to walk through them.

Wanting to Be Comfortable At All Costs

Isn't that what we all do when we live with the goal of staying comfortable and free of pain?  We imprison ourselves inside our minds making our lives smaller and smaller.  We use discomfort as a warning that we are getting too close to freedom  and we allow it to move us back and away again and again? 

Transcendence

What if we were to use discomfort as a sign that we are close to freedom but  instead of seeing it as a warning and an order to step back, we  learned to see it as an encouragment to keep going so we could walk  right into and through those painful and uncomfortable feelings to the freedom on the otherside? That is transcendence, of course, and I believe it is possible for all of us.

What we have to do, then when we feel the zap or the bonk, is to lean in rather than pull back.  

Lean into pain and discomfort? Are you out of your mind?

Yes I am out of my mind when I suggest that, that is how I can suggest it.  :)

And yes we lean even though that seems counterintuitive to our biological makeup.  We have a nevous system rigged up inside of us that makes us automatically and instinctively pull away from pain in order to ensure the survival of the physical body. That is all and good when you accidently place your hand on a hot burner but too many of us are perceiving everything around us as a hot burner to be avoided. We judge this or that as pain inducing, unpleasant and something to retreat from because it has the potential to make us feel uncomfortable, because it stirs up some old internal memories and feelings, or because ego and others tell us  it is a nasty thing. The correctional officers are our judgements, our conditioned beliefs, our perceptions, our aversions and  our fear. 

As counterintuitive as it may seem, practice leaning into pain and discomfort, just lean. Hold the space, don't retreat, lean. And see what happens.

Lean!

Of course, you may not want to start practicing with the hard stuff right? Don't start with leaning into trauma pain or cancer pain.   It is probably best to start small and work up to the big discomforts until we are able to use emotional, and even physical pain as a means to freedom. 

I started with Charlie Horses.  I often get what I judged to be "painful" Charlie Horse Cramps in my feet and calves.  I used to deal with the pain as if I was being zapped by an  electric cattle prod.  I would jump up, scream , "Oh No!" and  clenching my jaw and fists I tried fruitlessly to stamp the pain away.  That was the farthest thing from leaning a person could do. It was also, according to bystanders, pretty funny to watch.

I decided to stop resisting the pain and lean into it when ever a cramp would come.  I would get the zap...the warning...and I immediately reminded myself it was an opportunity to practice. I countered my instinctual reaction to resist the pain and I breathed and leaned into it instead.  I  countered the tendency to get tense and to clench up and I purposefully unclenched my fists and jaws and "relaxed!" I countered my tendency to become the pain or at least get lost in it, and I stepped back and watched it as I leaned into it.  Wow!

Leaning into dsicomfort is an amazing thing and the effects are so dramatic.  You still feel the zap...but that pain does not have to turn into suffering. My cramps last about a quarter of the time they normally would, releasing fairly quickly with less muscle tension.  I do not fear them and now I almost, as crazy as this sound, look forward to them. I like the challenge of a complicated lesson that I know I can master and this is one.

So now I am trying this practice with the other pain I get .  I lean into it and ask, "What can you teach me?" 

Don't get me wrong...I do not seek pain , nor do I want or intend on living a life of suffering. Just the opposite...I want to learn to deal with suffering.  It starts with recognizing, not avoiding, the reality of pain. When I confront pain..I take the first step to preventing suffering ...in order to do that I first must learn to lean into pain.

I also practice with emotions like sadness, anxiety, anger and resentment. I am discovering the more I am willing to lean rather than retreat backwards at the first sign of discomfort,  the less discomfort I experience, the less hold these emotions have on me, and the less imprisoned I feel.

Hmmm!  Well that is my experience anyway, for what it is worth. 

All is well in my world!