Despite a 'Suspicious Mind'

 For the past 33 years I looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself:" If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today? " And when ever the answer has been 'no' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Steve Jobs https://blog.hubspot.com/sales/steve-jobs-quotes

Well I think (but am not sure) that this site is more secure than it was .  At least the "not secure" icon has been removed from my opening page.  We will see how long that lasts. I just do not like the idea that I have to be hypervigalent here, always checking to make sure that things are not going missing...that my personal information is not at risk...I want to be transparent because I believe that is the healthiest way for us all to be but at the same time I know that makes me 'vulnerable' in more ways than one. I do not want to be trapped in a  suspicious (that is a really hard word to spell...I imagine it tripped more than one spelling bee contestant up lol)  mind .  

Man I just thought of this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxOBOhRECoo

We are caught in a trap...and I can't walk out....We can't go on together  with suspcious minds...and we can't build  our dreams on suspcious minds....

I was never a big Elvis fan but I think I am now. lol 

Anyway...despite all my intentions to avoid attachments and preferences...to let go and let be... I really, really want to come here everyday and I have something akin to withdrawals when I do not.  I guess I am attached. Sigh.  

But I can assure you that what is pulling me here is bigger than little me...it really is.  This, what I do here,  almost feels like a life sustaining thing for me. Without an opportunity to write daily in this way , my lungs are air hungry, my heart is trying to push  blood through a closed valve, my neurons are not able to send impulses over the synapses in the way they were designed to allow for all vital messages to get through and my cells cannot make use of the glucose ( the large amount btw) of it I consume to produce enough energy. I feel so "off".

I don't know how much time I have left on this planet.  I really don't but with whatever I have left...I know I am meant  to be writing and teaching and learning in this way.  That is what I know. There may be a heck of a lot of things I am doing that maybe I do not need to waste the precious time I have left doing but as far as this...yeah...this is what I am here for. So I make myself transparent and vulnerable, doing my best  not to get caught in the  trap of a sucpicious mind.  Hmmm!

All is well in my world.