Unhappiness Addiction

 Most people are addicted to their suffering.  It is the ego's way to maintain a small, seperate little me that is constantly in conflict with the world.We are scared that without our suffering we won't really know who we are. 

Loner Wolf

Addiction to Unhappiness?

Is it possible to be addicted to unhappiness?  It certainly is, and I believe that most of us are to some degree.  

Eckhart Tolle teaches that it is the pain body (a big clump of stored memory, trauma and pain that was not released the way it could have been from the body because of mental resistance to it that become a hungry little psychic gremlin in most of us)  that likes suffeirng and for many of us the pain body is the dominate force in our relationships with others and with life.  We allow our emotions, without meaning to, to carry us off into the familiar path of "Look at me and how much I am suffering." As I witnessed in myself last evening, it often even goes beyond to the, "Not only look...but feel this suffering with me."  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j91ST2gtR44

 

I am getting better at recognizing when I am being carried off or have been carried off and I am able  to bring myself back more often than not.  And it is quite cool to be able to witness it happening . 

An Example

I got together with my sister and sister-in-law for a glass of wine  last evening.  It has been the first time I seen either of them in months.  As we were sharing how life was for each of us since we last were together, I caught myself sharing in this way: First I was deflective , not wanting to talk about myself because I didn't want to focus on the negative. When the conversation started to get a little negative, I joined in.   Then I began to share superficial neutral things in terms of emotional stimulation. As we progressed I began to share a little of the "heart ache" and as I did, I found myself 'getting something from it' .  I was getting lost in the idea of me as the victim again, the tragic heroine. I was mentally comparing my stressors with theirs.  Then I wanted to take it farther...I didn't...but I wanted to.  I wanted them to come along on this journey of misery with me.  I wanted them to "ooohh" and "awe" over my challenges.  They did to a degree.  But I wanted and expected more and more. Ego was whsipering in the background, "They are not validating you enough . You are looking for validation and you can not get it.  They  truly don't see or care what it has been like for you.  Add that to your list of woes." Then...I caught myself and what I was doing.  I pulled back and got quiet again.  I realized that this is a very familiar thing I do especially around my sister when I am talking about my life. Her "It is not that bad " response is very familiar too...it is just a practical minded attempt to keep me from getting stuck in a mindset of suffering and also a way to remove herself from the line of "guilt attack" the pain body of one always directs to another. 

Well I seen it all clearly last night and was so grateful that I did. ...before I got too lost in my negativity. It was like saying "no" to another drink. 

Being Aware of Addictive Potential

We are often addicted to our unhappiness.  It has some elusive but very powerful pull to it.  But just like drugs and alcohol...if we are not cautious and participating in moderation...we can get pulled down pretty fast by this addiction.

Just like admitting to having a problem is the first thing an alcoholic has to do in their recovery, recognizing and being aware of our problematic mind patterns is the first thing we have to do.  Recognize the pull negativity and unhappiness has on you and be mindful when you are offered an opportunity to share how it could go.  By all means share and vent to those who care when you need to to...but just be careful of the motivation behind it and how it affects you.  That's all. 

All is well.