Life Is Difficult

 

Life is difficult! 

Scott Peck , opening line of The Road Less Travelled. 

That is a very powerful statement, isn't it? Off-putting even? I remember when I picked up Peck's book for the first time over twenty years ago and I read that line, I was like What? Who would want to read a book that begins like that? 

I think I actually put the book down and wanted nothing to do with it.  At the time, I was looking for inspiration and "feel good" stuff not books that slapped you across the face with the truth I was trying to run from, Life is difficult!

I did end up picking it up again and reading the whole thing.  It was a game changer but in order to be transformed by Peck's words I had to first get through (not over, not around, not under...but through) that statement of absolute truth. Life is difficult.

Is that not, the first truth in Buddhist teachings, "Suffering exists" and are those seeking the freedom from suffering not told that they must first accept and allow for the reality that suffering is a part of life?

I have spent the first portion of my life, avoiding, denying, stuffing, running from and numbing from pain, trauma and challenge so as not to have to deal with this notion that suffering exists or that life is difficult. I was trying to control, fix, manipulate and paint the world "out there"  in rosy colours so I didn't have to feel anything akin to suffering "in here." By the time I picked up Peck's book, in my  thirties, I was exhausted by my efforts and was starting to realize that all the positive thinking, affirmations and visualizing  were not getting me anywhere.  I was not peaceful...anythng but. So that line , Life is difficult, was not only the reason I put the book down...it was the reason I picked it up again.  

This is a great truth. One of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it.Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters. Scott Peck

Like I said this book, once I got through that line, was a game changer for me. It changed the way I was approaching life. Instead of running from pain and suffering I began, albeit slowly, to walk towards it and lean into it. I wanted to understand what Life was all about and knew that I first had to understand what suffering was all about so I took the journey I was already on a little deeper. I took it inward and began what many would call more of a "spiritual" seeking than a superficial one. I, however, am not sure I would even call it a spiritual mission, I embarked on.  It just seemed to be a natural  step in my evolution as a human being. 

Recognizing When Someone Isn't There Yet

Yesterday, I spoke on the phone to a loved one who still is where I was before I accepted the fact that Life is difficult. Even though the trauma she endured, the twists of fate  that landed on her shoulders again and again  were like out of this world in terms of testing the human psyche...even though this inescapable  pain has etched its signature in deep dark lines inside her making her bleed all over the place ...she still refuses to turn inward and deal with her suffering.  She runs and runs and runs from it and despite how exhausting it must be she refuses to stop, turn around and face it. After decades of doing the same thing she still doesn't see how obvious her flawed escape plan is to all who watch her run. It breaks my heart.  

I used to exhaust myself chasing after her with my "You need to stop!"and  a mirror in my hand..  "Look!  Look!  Look!" but she just ran around me or over me. My mind was full of "This is bad!  This is wrong!  This shouldn't be!" ...It took me a long time to simply accept that  it simply was.  It was and is what it is. 

Over the years we ( her loved ones)  even threw more than a few obstacles in her path to trip her and slow her down but she just got up and kept going.We put up more than a few road blocks ...she maneuvered around them.  It got too painful to watch...so we walked away.  I am back now, with my new way of approaching Life...watching from a distance, opening my heart  but at the same time I accept there is nothing I can do beyond calling out to her, "I see you bleeding. I know you are in pain. I love you and I am here whenever you are ready to stop." Hmm! 

We cannot run forever, can we?  Even though her fear of her pain is greater than her desire for peace right now...she cannot run forever. Someday, in one way or another, she will realize that it is far easier to accept suffering than it is to spend a life time running from it , won't she?  Well that is my prayer for her...that someday she will stop running, transcend suffering and experience the peace she so deserves. 

Anyway, Life is difficult and knowing that is a wonderful thing...

You are not your life situation, you are Life. 

 Eckhart Tolle

All is well! 

Scott Peck ( 1978) The Road less Travelled.Simon and Shuster