In Turmoil?

 People think well  it would be nice to have peace of mind, to be calm, to be serene, to be undisturbed by this that and  the other but you see as long as you make all those things objects of your desire you are defining yourself as lacking  them and a person who is looking for peace is obviously in turmoil....the more you strive to stop the interior commotions, the more you are stirring them up. 

I was made aware of something in myself upon listening to Alan Watts speak as he did in the video linked below. "people looking for peace are actually in turmoil." 

I have been on a life long journey of waking up, of seeking peace. Why?  Because I wanted to put an end to this sense of struggle and turmoil I carried with me my whole life. My real goal, as it is for many of us who want to find peace/enlightenment, is to end suffering.  I read what I read, I write what I write, I meditate, practice yoga, surround myself with natue, quiet and solitude because I want to  put an end to the mess 'my' mind is constantly making of things and the unease that causes me. That is my motivation ...to end suffering.

Attempting to Get There

Peace has become some place I will get to...a finish line that marks the end of suffering. I see it as the marker by which I will be able to measure my success, to let me know I got there. 'Getting there' will allow me to  say, "I did it! I got here!I ended suffering because I now have found peace."

So I read the books, I listen to the wise ones teach, I sit to meditate, I practice yoga everyday, I write what I learn here, ...all with the intention of getting somewhere up there in the future. I am taking steps toward peace.  I mean  though there are moments when I feel I am there ...there are many more moments when I am 'struggling to get there". 

But really it is not about going anywhere.  Every thing I "do" should simply be  about doing it completely and living it fully. 

...every moment of it you are simply absorbed in the ripply luminous world...you are not going anywhere.

And what have I been doing on my mental journey to get  somewhere up there?  I have been stepping over peace to get to peace.  I have been stirring up the unease in my attempt to flee from it. 

Not Quite There Yet

I have always had this sense that "I am not quite there yet."  Sure I figure I am getting there.  I see how I am evolving and learning and growing.  I see how I am getting closer to peace ...but I also see that the more I strive to get there...push to get there,  struggle to get there...the more unease Life seems to dump on my lap.  Why? Because Life wants me to realizie  there is no up there, no "golden Goodie" as Watts refers to it,  up there at some proverbial finish line.  What I am looking for is already here...I am surrounded by it.  I am it!

Make this peace seeking whether it be in the form of meditation, yoga or walking around the streets chanting some mantra.... merely a form of joyous energy...instead of a search for something.  Anything, according to Watts, can be a form of meditation. 

It is not the future that holds what we are seeking.  Peace is already here right now and right here.  In fact, we are peace.  We do not need to seek it. 

If you would only realize that the purpose of life is not in the future and if you think it is you will go on and on and on looking for it there and never find it because the future in its own way fades out in the same way that the past fades out.

There is no need to seek or strive.  Peace is now. 

All is well in my world! 

Alan Watts/Wiara (Sept, 2017) Alan Watts-The Real Purpose of Doing Anything. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMpJm_dYbx0