Had another moment today. Inspired me to write this. I am not judging it or labelling it...it just is. :) Came out here, so it stays here.
First Chair
I sit in the center of this divinely guided orchestra.
I take a breath in anticipation as I settle into my chair.
Silent introductory notes from slow moving clouds
pass so easily, so purposefully
over the spacious blue back drop of this stage.
I look up at the magnificent trees that surround me,
towering over my puny presence
making me feel so small
with their absolute greatness.
They hold their beautiful and varied instruments
up toward the sky,
their long flexible limbs,
offering them to some invisible conductor
I have yet to know.
I feel the music of crackling wind
as Poplar, maple and birch bow towards me
and I exhale.
I watch in awe
as the wind section swoops and lifts,
releases and pulls back ,
expands and retracts
so joyfully, so effortlessly, so harmoniously
and so obediently
to every wave of a baton I cannot see.
They play and play and play
the most amazing music for me, for all
for no other reason than to become one
with the perfection of chord and moment.
....I listen and I hear.
Then there is nothing.
There is pause and stillness
as the world awaits my performance.
I am meant to play too?
I realize I too am holding
an instrument in my arms
one I cannot see or feel,
but there just the same.
Feeling guided by the presence
of the magnificent expressions of Life
that surround me...
I awkwardly pick up the violin
I do not "know" how to play
and place it beneath my chin.
I take the bow Life has given me
and I move it across the strings.
I close my eyes.
I am suddenly being guided by a conductor
I cannot see.
I breathe in;
I breathe out
and I play.
I add the exquisite notes
of my breath,
of my heart beat
to the music being played around me.
I play and I play and I play,
going home to the beautiful symphony
I help to create by simply being.
Perfect music,
perfect blended harmony is released
as the world and I
play along together.
I am first chair.
I am second.
I am wind
and I am string.
I am no-thing
and I am everything.
I am musician
and I am
conductor.
I am the notes that
drop like tiny tree seeds
to the earth around me.
I am silence.
I am a player in this orchestra of Life
simply because ...
I am.
Dale-Lyn 2019
All is well.
Sunday, June 23, 2019
Saturday, June 22, 2019
Time cannot deliver spiritual awakening
Don't give yourself time...don't look to the future for spiritual awakening so that the main focus of your life becomes the present moment...completely let go of the idea of future especially in reference to spiritual awakening....don't look to time to deliver spiritual awakening. Time can not deliver.
-Eckhart Tolle
Most times I feel like I am far from "evolved". Keep thinking my enlightenment is "up there somewhere" and that I have yet to reach it.
But there are these few surprising moments when I am looking at the world around me and I am completely mesmerized. I look up at the trees, for example, and I don't see the word "tree" that simply triggers memory banks to release collected conceptual data gathered over my life time about trees. I see the trees in a whole new light. I see how absolutely magnificent they are in their service to the planet and I just feel something very intense. It is weird and I can't really explain it well here but I know at those moments I am present.
It doesn't happen often. I still spend an awful lot of time in my head but more and more I am connecting to that alert stillness that is me. I do want to build up this "power of presence" . The only time to do that.. is now. :)
All is well in my world
Eckhart Tolle (April, 2019) Growing Happiness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rC_lrJ7LqhE
-Eckhart Tolle
Most times I feel like I am far from "evolved". Keep thinking my enlightenment is "up there somewhere" and that I have yet to reach it.
But there are these few surprising moments when I am looking at the world around me and I am completely mesmerized. I look up at the trees, for example, and I don't see the word "tree" that simply triggers memory banks to release collected conceptual data gathered over my life time about trees. I see the trees in a whole new light. I see how absolutely magnificent they are in their service to the planet and I just feel something very intense. It is weird and I can't really explain it well here but I know at those moments I am present.
It doesn't happen often. I still spend an awful lot of time in my head but more and more I am connecting to that alert stillness that is me. I do want to build up this "power of presence" . The only time to do that.. is now. :)
All is well in my world
Eckhart Tolle (April, 2019) Growing Happiness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rC_lrJ7LqhE
Friday, June 21, 2019
Missing Something
Not only does time flow unhindered, but correspondingly our lives too keep moving onward all the time. If something goes wrong, we cannot turn back time and try again.
-Dalai Lama
Missing Certain Things
I miss certain things that once filled my life with purpose, connection, meaning and a bit of drama. Does that mean I miss the 'doing'? Does that mean I miss the drama? Does that mean I miss ego being in charge lol? I don't know. Maybe part of me does.
Just one reminder today...it being the final day of the year for this thing I miss... left me feeling very sad. Ego jumped out of the closet I had it stuffed in and started trying to stir up drama, including some self pity and a sense of grievance. Man...it doesn't take long, in the non-evolved mind, for ego to take the reins, does it?
I have been supressing and repressing grief over a perceived loss because I just had too many other bigger things to deal with. Until I acknowledge it, make space for it and eventually release this grief I will be filled with tender spots that easily get jabbed and poked.
The Nature of Things
I have to acknowledge and accept that I miss and it is okay to miss something. Then I have to step back clearly and look at the nature of "things". Things come and go into our lives and non of them are permanent. They will go just as quickly as they will come. And it is all okay.
Part of Who We Are?
If a 'thing', a job, some sense of achievement, some recognition, a feeling of belonging, or relationships enter our lives when we are very unconscious ( dominated by our ego/monkey minds) we may get attached to those things and see them as a part of us...we may not be so willing to simply let them pass through. They too often become like Band-Aids, covering our wounds of "less than" and "unworthiness" so we feel better about ourselves. Or at least we think we look better when all yucky draining things are hidden away. As it was in my case.
We cling to them so much, to hide our perceived imperfections and brokenness, that they grow into the skin we wear and mistakenly we assume they are a part of us. When they are taken off... either by slow deliberate choice or pulled off roughly by someone or something else...it stings. In fact, it can even hurt like hell. We feel like a part of us has been stripped away with the Band-Aid.
Grief
We then may become identified with that pain. We hold onto it and nurture it just so we don't have to deal with its outcries. And if one pokes at the now open and tender wound where the pain sits before mind is healed...it hurts. Past impressions, feelings, connections gets stirred up. We focus on "loss" and miss what we have lost. We feel less than because we have lost. We may feel cheated. A whole gamete of emotions may come to the surface. this is what happened in my case.
That is okay. This is just grief and grief will pass if we allow it to just flow through us.
Though the thing I lost is not "a living breathing loved one"...it was something I identified as a part of me. So I do feel grief. In stead of allowing it to just be and to pass through...I have somehow resisted grieving the loss of this thing and when I am reminded of it, I still feel the sting. It is still within me.
I am still lost in some form of identification with this thing that is no longer a part of my life...or at least my ego is. And ego wants me to get lost in the pain of losing it again and again, instead of healing. It knows that healing is a healing of the mind. And if the mind heals...ego will no longer be able to survive....because ego is just an entity our minds have made up.
So it likes when the old unhealed wounds get poked. It likes it when I don't allow the grieving and thus the healing to complete its cycle.
Hmmm!
A Lesson Here
It is all good. There is a lesson here. :)
When we feel this type of grief ....and I am not equating it to the loss of a loved one even though the grieving process is required in both...we need to just allow it to pass through us. By all means grieve your losses...don't let them fester inside like untreated infections that constantly get poked stirring up pain. Just grieve the loss of what you believed at one point was an important part of your life (even when you later realize it wasn't). You need to release the emotional energy that came with the perception of loss. Grieve the loss. Let it all pass through you.
And it will pass. Even more important, if we commit to it, the mind will heal. When the mind heals we will realize that we never really lost anything that is truly important. Who we really are has been untouched by the loss or the pain that followed. It just is.
At some point in our lives we will realize that we are okay with these things that come into our lives and we are okay without them.
Our lives keep moving onward all the time. There is no going back, only forward.
All is well.
-Dalai Lama
Missing Certain Things
I miss certain things that once filled my life with purpose, connection, meaning and a bit of drama. Does that mean I miss the 'doing'? Does that mean I miss the drama? Does that mean I miss ego being in charge lol? I don't know. Maybe part of me does.
Just one reminder today...it being the final day of the year for this thing I miss... left me feeling very sad. Ego jumped out of the closet I had it stuffed in and started trying to stir up drama, including some self pity and a sense of grievance. Man...it doesn't take long, in the non-evolved mind, for ego to take the reins, does it?
I have been supressing and repressing grief over a perceived loss because I just had too many other bigger things to deal with. Until I acknowledge it, make space for it and eventually release this grief I will be filled with tender spots that easily get jabbed and poked.
The Nature of Things
I have to acknowledge and accept that I miss and it is okay to miss something. Then I have to step back clearly and look at the nature of "things". Things come and go into our lives and non of them are permanent. They will go just as quickly as they will come. And it is all okay.
Part of Who We Are?
If a 'thing', a job, some sense of achievement, some recognition, a feeling of belonging, or relationships enter our lives when we are very unconscious ( dominated by our ego/monkey minds) we may get attached to those things and see them as a part of us...we may not be so willing to simply let them pass through. They too often become like Band-Aids, covering our wounds of "less than" and "unworthiness" so we feel better about ourselves. Or at least we think we look better when all yucky draining things are hidden away. As it was in my case.
We cling to them so much, to hide our perceived imperfections and brokenness, that they grow into the skin we wear and mistakenly we assume they are a part of us. When they are taken off... either by slow deliberate choice or pulled off roughly by someone or something else...it stings. In fact, it can even hurt like hell. We feel like a part of us has been stripped away with the Band-Aid.
Grief
We then may become identified with that pain. We hold onto it and nurture it just so we don't have to deal with its outcries. And if one pokes at the now open and tender wound where the pain sits before mind is healed...it hurts. Past impressions, feelings, connections gets stirred up. We focus on "loss" and miss what we have lost. We feel less than because we have lost. We may feel cheated. A whole gamete of emotions may come to the surface. this is what happened in my case.
That is okay. This is just grief and grief will pass if we allow it to just flow through us.
Though the thing I lost is not "a living breathing loved one"...it was something I identified as a part of me. So I do feel grief. In stead of allowing it to just be and to pass through...I have somehow resisted grieving the loss of this thing and when I am reminded of it, I still feel the sting. It is still within me.
I am still lost in some form of identification with this thing that is no longer a part of my life...or at least my ego is. And ego wants me to get lost in the pain of losing it again and again, instead of healing. It knows that healing is a healing of the mind. And if the mind heals...ego will no longer be able to survive....because ego is just an entity our minds have made up.
So it likes when the old unhealed wounds get poked. It likes it when I don't allow the grieving and thus the healing to complete its cycle.
Hmmm!
A Lesson Here
It is all good. There is a lesson here. :)
When we feel this type of grief ....and I am not equating it to the loss of a loved one even though the grieving process is required in both...we need to just allow it to pass through us. By all means grieve your losses...don't let them fester inside like untreated infections that constantly get poked stirring up pain. Just grieve the loss of what you believed at one point was an important part of your life (even when you later realize it wasn't). You need to release the emotional energy that came with the perception of loss. Grieve the loss. Let it all pass through you.
And it will pass. Even more important, if we commit to it, the mind will heal. When the mind heals we will realize that we never really lost anything that is truly important. Who we really are has been untouched by the loss or the pain that followed. It just is.
At some point in our lives we will realize that we are okay with these things that come into our lives and we are okay without them.
Our lives keep moving onward all the time. There is no going back, only forward.
All is well.
Thursday, June 20, 2019
Never in Control Anyway
You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.
Steve Maraboli
Tagged by a less than ' self reflecting' and 'spiritually centered' site again. :) This usually means my readership is way down. Which is probably a good thing considering the semi personal story I relayed over the last few entries. I did not want to make any one, especially those connected with the story, uncomfortable. So I was going to delete it all but now seeing how no one, other than those who want a little more than what I have to offer here, are clicking on...it is okay.
I do like expressing what is going on in "my life' ( let me rephrase that: what life is expressing in me and around me). Putting it down in words is very therapeutic, in more ways than one.. I am a writer after all. I like having 'observations' on screen or paper a literal distance away from me. It reminds me that it is exactly that: a distance away from who I really am. I can then look at it objectively. As I progress through my own learning, my own healing and my own evolving...the story is less and less important. It is something I know isn't me and any 'me' that is overly involved in it is not the me I really am.
So every now and again I may just spit a bit of real life drama on the page. It is your choice whether or not you read it.
Anyway...to finish off this "story"...to take you from climax to resolution lol... I will relay that we are no further ahead. Even after doing whatever was in our power, pleading with authorities and playing real hard ball in an attempt to preserve a life that is very much at risk...we are no further ahead.
The only choice we have now is to let go lovingly and respectfully of that which was never ours. We have to let Life do as Life does...let the consequences be what they will. This will be easier for me than it will be for D. Sigh... Big pathetic sigh!!!!
All is well in my world.
Steve Maraboli
Tagged by a less than ' self reflecting' and 'spiritually centered' site again. :) This usually means my readership is way down. Which is probably a good thing considering the semi personal story I relayed over the last few entries. I did not want to make any one, especially those connected with the story, uncomfortable. So I was going to delete it all but now seeing how no one, other than those who want a little more than what I have to offer here, are clicking on...it is okay.
I do like expressing what is going on in "my life' ( let me rephrase that: what life is expressing in me and around me). Putting it down in words is very therapeutic, in more ways than one.. I am a writer after all. I like having 'observations' on screen or paper a literal distance away from me. It reminds me that it is exactly that: a distance away from who I really am. I can then look at it objectively. As I progress through my own learning, my own healing and my own evolving...the story is less and less important. It is something I know isn't me and any 'me' that is overly involved in it is not the me I really am.
So every now and again I may just spit a bit of real life drama on the page. It is your choice whether or not you read it.
Anyway...to finish off this "story"...to take you from climax to resolution lol... I will relay that we are no further ahead. Even after doing whatever was in our power, pleading with authorities and playing real hard ball in an attempt to preserve a life that is very much at risk...we are no further ahead.
The only choice we have now is to let go lovingly and respectfully of that which was never ours. We have to let Life do as Life does...let the consequences be what they will. This will be easier for me than it will be for D. Sigh... Big pathetic sigh!!!!
All is well in my world.
Wednesday, June 19, 2019
The Pure Mind
The intrinsic nature of the mind is pure; the disturbing emotions that afflict it are only temporary flaws.
-Dalai Lama
I apologize for expressing so much personal information...so much "me" and "my" and "mine". I do not do it to honor the ego by venting and getting lost in drama ( well maybe I do a bit lol...still have some evolving to do). My main intention is to express the possibility of getting to the pure mind no matter what pops up in front of it.
Life offers all of us wonderful opportunities to learn through the challenges placed in front of us. Some of those things are charged with emotional energy. The real life example I use of dealing with a life threatening addiction in another...provides such a situation. So I share it.
The Lesson Learned:
The pure mind may get hidden beneath a veil of emotional fog but it is still there. Fogs lift...eventually. Emotions, if not denied, resisted, suppressed, repressed...will lift with the fog. They are only temporary flaws. The pure mind is always there waiting for us to tap into it.
Remember that...no matter what life challenge you seem to be dealing with. Beneath it is all that really matters. You can always choose this peace rather than the drama the ego mind attempts to paint around the circumstances you are encountering.
All is well in my world.
-Dalai Lama
I apologize for expressing so much personal information...so much "me" and "my" and "mine". I do not do it to honor the ego by venting and getting lost in drama ( well maybe I do a bit lol...still have some evolving to do). My main intention is to express the possibility of getting to the pure mind no matter what pops up in front of it.
Life offers all of us wonderful opportunities to learn through the challenges placed in front of us. Some of those things are charged with emotional energy. The real life example I use of dealing with a life threatening addiction in another...provides such a situation. So I share it.
The Lesson Learned:
The pure mind may get hidden beneath a veil of emotional fog but it is still there. Fogs lift...eventually. Emotions, if not denied, resisted, suppressed, repressed...will lift with the fog. They are only temporary flaws. The pure mind is always there waiting for us to tap into it.
Remember that...no matter what life challenge you seem to be dealing with. Beneath it is all that really matters. You can always choose this peace rather than the drama the ego mind attempts to paint around the circumstances you are encountering.
All is well in my world.
Tuesday, June 18, 2019
Learning from the hard stuff
Detaching with love means letting someone be who they are while protecting yourself from their consequences.
-Counselling Recovery Quote
"Breaking Bad"
I am so tired!!! In the last three days I slept less than 8 hours in total. I have been co-starring, it seems, in a couple of awful episodes from "Breaking Bad". Major stuff has been going on around here...if not in actuality at least in our minds. The combined family cortisol level is probably through the roof.
Last evening we were made aware of how "stressed" we all were. Our stress comes with a sense of helplessness and frustration over dealing with an addict's behaviour, concerned for him and for our own protection. Those impressions I have had in my head about some of the things that has happened in the past, around his addiction, keep slapping me in the face. I sometimes react to the present moment as if the past is happening all over again.
Reacting or Responding
Last night, the circumstances were so beautifully laid out to make it seem that someone was going to burn this house down like D.'s got burnt down four years ago because of the addict's involvement with certain others. (I notice I am calling him "the addict" as a means to disentangle and detach from the personal pain of this :( )
A strange car, with the prodigal son in it, shows up at one One'clock in the morning. It pulls in so quietly.(The dogs don't even bark...my daughter just happened to be looking out the window) Individuals get out and pull a box of old clothing, papers and junk from the back of the trunk while the addict comes in the house (to distract?) They then pull out a gas tank and three of them hover around the box with what we discovered later had these very flammable things in it. (I couldn't see clearly through the window ...so I wasn't sure until later what it was they were removing)...
But even without exactly knowing what it was... something snapped in me, "They are trying to burn the house down." was the thought that came to mind. Whether it was ego triggering old impressions or The Wise Self warning me, I will never know. But I reacted and quick!
A Bit Stupid
My emergency hormones took over. I went flying out into the driveway to protect my family, facing individuals that could have been very dangerous. I screamed at them to get out of my yard as 'our charge' walked past me yelling at me before getting in the car with them again. I told them I was going to call the police. They didn't budge. My daughter got up and started screaming at them to leave (with a few swear words in there). One of them shouted calmly that they were just taking care of him. Then D. ran out to the driveway to scream some more. It wasn't until then that they said they were leaving peacefully. All the while not one of us had the sense to grab our phones so we could actually call the police.
They left the box and the gas jug at the end of the driveway. We all stood out around the box for a good hour trying to figure out what was going on. We put on gloves and went through the box...very carefully discovering that it was stuff from his pre hospital place where we found him that day before admission. Where and how they got that we will never know. Of course, much of that stuff was items he confiscated from others.
Was there a need to defend and attack?
The big question was:What was up with the gas can? I still strongly feel that the intention was to set a fire but I didn't want to worry the others so I tried to think of other reasons for them coming late at night to drop off that stuff in our yard. It didn't make any sense. It may have been just a gesture of taking care of him by returning his items? Maybe the gas can was one of his items? (Amongst all the items left behind when he was admitted...why did they bring this selected bit junk and a gas can?) My guess is, they were going to set a fire as a warning ?
Or maybe it was completely innocent...(that's not sitting well with me though...) I don't know.
If it was innocent, why would the Universe choreograph it so beautifully...with me kind of worrying about someone coming to burn us down because of him (for years actually), getting that intense feeling last night that is was happening and my 'inspired' reaction only to find that what they removed from the car was actually what was needed to set a perfect fire.
I will never know if there was actually a need to defend and attack the way I did. Is there ever really a need?
Anyway...I am hyper vigilant now and kind of beating myself up for putting my desire to help someone I couldn't help over my family's safety. I put them at risk and I didn't do him a lick of good.
Hopefully, the police will look into this.
So what did I learn?
-Counselling Recovery Quote
"Breaking Bad"
I am so tired!!! In the last three days I slept less than 8 hours in total. I have been co-starring, it seems, in a couple of awful episodes from "Breaking Bad". Major stuff has been going on around here...if not in actuality at least in our minds. The combined family cortisol level is probably through the roof.
Last evening we were made aware of how "stressed" we all were. Our stress comes with a sense of helplessness and frustration over dealing with an addict's behaviour, concerned for him and for our own protection. Those impressions I have had in my head about some of the things that has happened in the past, around his addiction, keep slapping me in the face. I sometimes react to the present moment as if the past is happening all over again.
Reacting or Responding
Last night, the circumstances were so beautifully laid out to make it seem that someone was going to burn this house down like D.'s got burnt down four years ago because of the addict's involvement with certain others. (I notice I am calling him "the addict" as a means to disentangle and detach from the personal pain of this :( )
A strange car, with the prodigal son in it, shows up at one One'clock in the morning. It pulls in so quietly.(The dogs don't even bark...my daughter just happened to be looking out the window) Individuals get out and pull a box of old clothing, papers and junk from the back of the trunk while the addict comes in the house (to distract?) They then pull out a gas tank and three of them hover around the box with what we discovered later had these very flammable things in it. (I couldn't see clearly through the window ...so I wasn't sure until later what it was they were removing)...
But even without exactly knowing what it was... something snapped in me, "They are trying to burn the house down." was the thought that came to mind. Whether it was ego triggering old impressions or The Wise Self warning me, I will never know. But I reacted and quick!
A Bit Stupid
My emergency hormones took over. I went flying out into the driveway to protect my family, facing individuals that could have been very dangerous. I screamed at them to get out of my yard as 'our charge' walked past me yelling at me before getting in the car with them again. I told them I was going to call the police. They didn't budge. My daughter got up and started screaming at them to leave (with a few swear words in there). One of them shouted calmly that they were just taking care of him. Then D. ran out to the driveway to scream some more. It wasn't until then that they said they were leaving peacefully. All the while not one of us had the sense to grab our phones so we could actually call the police.
They left the box and the gas jug at the end of the driveway. We all stood out around the box for a good hour trying to figure out what was going on. We put on gloves and went through the box...very carefully discovering that it was stuff from his pre hospital place where we found him that day before admission. Where and how they got that we will never know. Of course, much of that stuff was items he confiscated from others.
Was there a need to defend and attack?
The big question was:What was up with the gas can? I still strongly feel that the intention was to set a fire but I didn't want to worry the others so I tried to think of other reasons for them coming late at night to drop off that stuff in our yard. It didn't make any sense. It may have been just a gesture of taking care of him by returning his items? Maybe the gas can was one of his items? (Amongst all the items left behind when he was admitted...why did they bring this selected bit junk and a gas can?) My guess is, they were going to set a fire as a warning ?
Or maybe it was completely innocent...(that's not sitting well with me though...) I don't know.
If it was innocent, why would the Universe choreograph it so beautifully...with me kind of worrying about someone coming to burn us down because of him (for years actually), getting that intense feeling last night that is was happening and my 'inspired' reaction only to find that what they removed from the car was actually what was needed to set a perfect fire.
I will never know if there was actually a need to defend and attack the way I did. Is there ever really a need?
Anyway...I am hyper vigilant now and kind of beating myself up for putting my desire to help someone I couldn't help over my family's safety. I put them at risk and I didn't do him a lick of good.
Hopefully, the police will look into this.
So what did I learn?
- To listen to those gut feelings that are so intense
- but to also be aware that there may be a fuzzy line between ego's desire for us to react to something it created out of a fear based thought that was already there, and Spirit's warning to respond to something that is actually a threat.
- Sometimes things are not always as they appear. There may have been a legitimate reason for that set up...no matter how suspicious it seems
- Reacting like I did with the screaming was not a clear headed reaction. I could have put myself and others at risk. It would have been better to use those three B's lol...Step back and view the situation clearly, Breathe ( take a few good deep breaths) and then Begin again. I could have been better able to determine what was actually going on, if I did that.
- Defence and attack are never helpful. Setting protective boundaries are okay but resorting to violence uncool
- I really don't like it when I lose my cool, when I lose myself in a situation. It is much better to handle "everything" calmly
- Trust Life instead of fearfully worrying and wondering when bad things are going to happen. Even if it likely that they could happen...right now they aren't!
- It is time to let go of that which I have no control over...I can do it lovingly and respectfully. Last night I was neither but I will try better from now on.
Sunday, June 16, 2019
But it feels like a big deal....
I just feel the only power I have is setting a good example.
Geri Halliwell
Sigh...saying "it is no big deal" , I am discovering, is a heck of a lot different than "feeling" like it is no big deal. My 'charge' made his choice this morning as I stood in the doorway pleading with him. He turned and walked away from the little I could offer him. And it felt like a "very big deal."
I can stay calm and centered in the most trying of situations. Yesterday, for example, D. had an accident taking the lawn tractor off the back of the truck, sustaining an injury that could have used at least a half dozen sutures. He came to the door bleeding heavily over everything. His shoes were literally full of blood. I saw the amount of bleeding and instead of panicking, I zipped into presence without even so much as a conscious breath. I calmly assessed and organized the emergency treatment and within ten minutes everything was stopped and cleaned up without a trace of blood anywhere. (He refused to go for sutures or a tetanus so we may have to deal with an infection in the future which is another story lol. [And it is all story :)])
I didn't stay calm this morning, however. Even though I have been conceptualizing the possibility of this, I felt like someone punched me in the stomach and my mind just pulled me into story so fast. "He is going to die. He is choosing death. Why is he doing this to himself...to all of us who sat by his bedside for three months? Poor him, poor D. and poor 'me.'" I went from 'poor me' to 'bad me' very quickly. " I didn't do enough. I didn't say the right thing. I didn't do the right thing. I shoulda...We could of...etc etc etc" I slipped away from calm presence and I reacted.
Watching addiction take those I care about away is an ego trigger for me. I have watched it so many times, and it doesn't get easier. I try to fix it . I try to control it. I realize I can't. I lose it. Sometimes I watch as the people I love come back from it and sometimes I watch as they don't. And it has absolutely nothing to do with me!
I feel more powerless and more helpless to addiction than I do to anything else in 'my' life, I think. Even when my body is bent over, when the chest pain is taking my breath away I still feel I have some control or at least more than I do here.
I guess addiction is one of my greatest teachers. That is why it keeps showing up in my life through other people. So I can watch it maybe, observe it...Man...that sound so crazy. As if I am saying everyone suffers that tremendous strangling effect just to teach me something. That is not what I mean.
I just mean I am meant to observe it and learn from it...for whatever reason. What am I learning? That I know absolutely nothing when it comes to witnessing this level of unconsciousness in others. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I do not know what is the best approach and do not know what is the worse. I am no help and thankfully I am no hindrance to recovering the life of the addicted. I must do as I tell them they must do...surrender to it and leave it all up to God. I have to get out of the way.
Hmmm! I pray and I hope. That is all I an do besides work on my own consciousness. If I can attain and maintain sober, substance or habitual behavior free peace in my own life, my presence, my example will be the greatest thing I can offer to those so inflicted.
All is well.
Geri Halliwell
Sigh...saying "it is no big deal" , I am discovering, is a heck of a lot different than "feeling" like it is no big deal. My 'charge' made his choice this morning as I stood in the doorway pleading with him. He turned and walked away from the little I could offer him. And it felt like a "very big deal."
I can stay calm and centered in the most trying of situations. Yesterday, for example, D. had an accident taking the lawn tractor off the back of the truck, sustaining an injury that could have used at least a half dozen sutures. He came to the door bleeding heavily over everything. His shoes were literally full of blood. I saw the amount of bleeding and instead of panicking, I zipped into presence without even so much as a conscious breath. I calmly assessed and organized the emergency treatment and within ten minutes everything was stopped and cleaned up without a trace of blood anywhere. (He refused to go for sutures or a tetanus so we may have to deal with an infection in the future which is another story lol. [And it is all story :)])
I didn't stay calm this morning, however. Even though I have been conceptualizing the possibility of this, I felt like someone punched me in the stomach and my mind just pulled me into story so fast. "He is going to die. He is choosing death. Why is he doing this to himself...to all of us who sat by his bedside for three months? Poor him, poor D. and poor 'me.'" I went from 'poor me' to 'bad me' very quickly. " I didn't do enough. I didn't say the right thing. I didn't do the right thing. I shoulda...We could of...etc etc etc" I slipped away from calm presence and I reacted.
Watching addiction take those I care about away is an ego trigger for me. I have watched it so many times, and it doesn't get easier. I try to fix it . I try to control it. I realize I can't. I lose it. Sometimes I watch as the people I love come back from it and sometimes I watch as they don't. And it has absolutely nothing to do with me!
I feel more powerless and more helpless to addiction than I do to anything else in 'my' life, I think. Even when my body is bent over, when the chest pain is taking my breath away I still feel I have some control or at least more than I do here.
I guess addiction is one of my greatest teachers. That is why it keeps showing up in my life through other people. So I can watch it maybe, observe it...Man...that sound so crazy. As if I am saying everyone suffers that tremendous strangling effect just to teach me something. That is not what I mean.
I just mean I am meant to observe it and learn from it...for whatever reason. What am I learning? That I know absolutely nothing when it comes to witnessing this level of unconsciousness in others. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I do not know what is the best approach and do not know what is the worse. I am no help and thankfully I am no hindrance to recovering the life of the addicted. I must do as I tell them they must do...surrender to it and leave it all up to God. I have to get out of the way.
Hmmm! I pray and I hope. That is all I an do besides work on my own consciousness. If I can attain and maintain sober, substance or habitual behavior free peace in my own life, my presence, my example will be the greatest thing I can offer to those so inflicted.
All is well.
Saturday, June 15, 2019
Learned or Learnt
What is up with that? I always say learned...I am sure I was taught to do so somewhere...but spell check always corrects me. Learnt is British and possibly Canadian, isn't it? Learned is American? So why doesn't spell check not let me use it lol without a fuss?
No Big Deal
Not everything is a big deal...chill!
-unknown
A Personal Example of Letting Go
Have a lot to deal with lately. A little stressed lol. Feel the tightness of that stress in my core and of course, now in my hip...radiating down my knee and up to my lower back.
A Little Injury
I pulled a muscle and not during yoga but during a reactive intent to forcibly remove a 80-90 pound dog from my sleeping space.
She sleeps right where I put my lower legs and feet, innocently pushing both out of alignment during the night. I often find myself awakened and pushing up against her weight so I can realign myself...often unsuccessfully. No big deal for one or two nights but after months of this, something happens to those muscles. Some muscles will shorten and some will weaken.
A bear showed up outside my window the other night and she jumped up onto my other leg to get a better look out the window, consequently pinning it down into an awkward position. The shock and pain of that led to me lifting my unpinned hip up too quickly to push her off the other leg. Something popped in my hip and I have been experiencing pain ever since. ...and now I have to really watch myself during yoga. ... at a time when I should be ready to go.
No big deal!
A Delay in Beginning a New Adventure
I can stretch this out with yoga! But I can't teach yoga until it is healed.
Been trying to isolate the muscle or even the muscle group in my mind so I know how to handle it but still can't quite figure it out. Likely an abductor and internal rotator ...so I am thinking Gluteus Medius or the TFL. But then I get pain in the upper groin from time to time so I am thinking Pectineus or Adductor Brevis. The pain in my knee tells me that I really did a number on myself...and now the whole body seems to be out of alignment to compensate for the injury and weak muscles that led to it. Could be an extensor issue...a ham even though it does not feel like a hamstring injury but it would explain the knee. More likely the Sartorius muscle (a hip flexor, abductor and external rotator) which has its attachment below the medial knee right where it hurts on me. Hmm! The popping I get tells me it could also be an impingement.
Anyway...I don't know what to do to relax the muscles that need rest because I don't know which ones they are nor do I know what muscles to work on strengthening because I don't know which ones are weak. It puts my yoga teaching out of the picture for a while. On a brighter note, it is a wonderful opportunity to learn about the consequences of misalignment , weakened muscles and muscles in general so I can prevent injury in myself again and most importantly in my students. I learned a lot of wonderful stuff about hips in the last few days that I can take into practice and into my studio.
No big deal!
Renovations that Never Seem to End
The renovations down stairs, that I have admittedly been unconsciously stressing over, I find out coincidentally will not be ready for another three weeks thus adding to cost and inconvenience and a delay on any return of investment. On a brighter note, it is also giving me time to figure out and to heal from the injury. I am in the process of leaning up against the wall of stress the renovations provide and letting go into it. What will be will be. It is what it is. It will get done when it gets done.
In the long run, no big deal!
Financial Woes?
My money stress has been compounded by the fact that a check that was to be deposited 6 weeks ago into my account as part of my retirement allowance, has somehow been lost. I was hoping to have a return on that by now to help with finances but instead I have been spending weeks encouraging others to look for it. Worse case scenario it will be stopped and a new one issued...sigh! I found a great learning opportunity for gentle, patient and centered confrontation in all my dealings with the bank. Mind you, I am not saying I have not slipped from presence to anger and reaction during any of these confrontations. lol
No big deal!
Parenting Concerns
I have children who are unwell and one I haven't seen in weeks and who I miss so much! I remind myself that this is their life and I must let go. I make it clearly known that I am here for them and I let go. I lean up against another wall and I fall through into acceptance.
No big deal!
Life or Death; Safety or Danger
I am face to face with major life threatening addiction in another loved one again and somehow I am in a position where I am responsible for his welfare....I honestly have no idea how to handle this! I want to remain open, loving, compassionate, encouraging and nonjudgmental without getting overly neurotic or protective considering how fatal it could prove to be. I want to provide a safe environment for recovery while we wait for rehab. Yet I am not even sure how serious he is about his recovery. I find myself in a situation where I feel I am responsible for protecting him from his own choices and at the same time protecting others from his addictive behaviours. Some of those past addictive behaviours are now mental impressions that wake me up at night and I find myself worrying about what could happen here.
Wow! My core really tightens up when I think of that and that hip ...well those muscles are not relaxing, let me tell ya! lol.
But, I hear from that quiet space within me, that in this moment it is no big deal! At this moment he is either straight or he is not...that is all that matters. What he does in the next moment I have no control over. If he is still straight he stays and if he isn't, he doesn't. If he is serious about recovery he is welcomed with open arms and if he isn't, he won't want to stay because of my limits. It will be his choice and really nothing to do with me except adhering to my own limits. I want him to stay; I want him to recover. I will do whatever I can within my very limited power to encourage, support and assist in that recovery. I tell him that but I also tell him that I have little power here other than the power to set limits, talk, help make plans that protect him and my other loved ones. I remind him that I also have others to protect.
No big deal!
Man...it does help to say those words, to lean into the stress and fall through into the arms of what really matters. Life matters, Stillness matters. Peace matters. Spirit/God/Self Consciousness/ awareness/The way...matters!! Love matters!
All else is No Big Deal!
All is well in my world!
-unknown
A Personal Example of Letting Go
Have a lot to deal with lately. A little stressed lol. Feel the tightness of that stress in my core and of course, now in my hip...radiating down my knee and up to my lower back.
A Little Injury
I pulled a muscle and not during yoga but during a reactive intent to forcibly remove a 80-90 pound dog from my sleeping space.
She sleeps right where I put my lower legs and feet, innocently pushing both out of alignment during the night. I often find myself awakened and pushing up against her weight so I can realign myself...often unsuccessfully. No big deal for one or two nights but after months of this, something happens to those muscles. Some muscles will shorten and some will weaken.
A bear showed up outside my window the other night and she jumped up onto my other leg to get a better look out the window, consequently pinning it down into an awkward position. The shock and pain of that led to me lifting my unpinned hip up too quickly to push her off the other leg. Something popped in my hip and I have been experiencing pain ever since. ...and now I have to really watch myself during yoga. ... at a time when I should be ready to go.
No big deal!
A Delay in Beginning a New Adventure
I can stretch this out with yoga! But I can't teach yoga until it is healed.
Been trying to isolate the muscle or even the muscle group in my mind so I know how to handle it but still can't quite figure it out. Likely an abductor and internal rotator ...so I am thinking Gluteus Medius or the TFL. But then I get pain in the upper groin from time to time so I am thinking Pectineus or Adductor Brevis. The pain in my knee tells me that I really did a number on myself...and now the whole body seems to be out of alignment to compensate for the injury and weak muscles that led to it. Could be an extensor issue...a ham even though it does not feel like a hamstring injury but it would explain the knee. More likely the Sartorius muscle (a hip flexor, abductor and external rotator) which has its attachment below the medial knee right where it hurts on me. Hmm! The popping I get tells me it could also be an impingement.
Anyway...I don't know what to do to relax the muscles that need rest because I don't know which ones they are nor do I know what muscles to work on strengthening because I don't know which ones are weak. It puts my yoga teaching out of the picture for a while. On a brighter note, it is a wonderful opportunity to learn about the consequences of misalignment , weakened muscles and muscles in general so I can prevent injury in myself again and most importantly in my students. I learned a lot of wonderful stuff about hips in the last few days that I can take into practice and into my studio.
No big deal!
Renovations that Never Seem to End
The renovations down stairs, that I have admittedly been unconsciously stressing over, I find out coincidentally will not be ready for another three weeks thus adding to cost and inconvenience and a delay on any return of investment. On a brighter note, it is also giving me time to figure out and to heal from the injury. I am in the process of leaning up against the wall of stress the renovations provide and letting go into it. What will be will be. It is what it is. It will get done when it gets done.
In the long run, no big deal!
Financial Woes?
My money stress has been compounded by the fact that a check that was to be deposited 6 weeks ago into my account as part of my retirement allowance, has somehow been lost. I was hoping to have a return on that by now to help with finances but instead I have been spending weeks encouraging others to look for it. Worse case scenario it will be stopped and a new one issued...sigh! I found a great learning opportunity for gentle, patient and centered confrontation in all my dealings with the bank. Mind you, I am not saying I have not slipped from presence to anger and reaction during any of these confrontations. lol
No big deal!
Parenting Concerns
I have children who are unwell and one I haven't seen in weeks and who I miss so much! I remind myself that this is their life and I must let go. I make it clearly known that I am here for them and I let go. I lean up against another wall and I fall through into acceptance.
No big deal!
Life or Death; Safety or Danger
I am face to face with major life threatening addiction in another loved one again and somehow I am in a position where I am responsible for his welfare....I honestly have no idea how to handle this! I want to remain open, loving, compassionate, encouraging and nonjudgmental without getting overly neurotic or protective considering how fatal it could prove to be. I want to provide a safe environment for recovery while we wait for rehab. Yet I am not even sure how serious he is about his recovery. I find myself in a situation where I feel I am responsible for protecting him from his own choices and at the same time protecting others from his addictive behaviours. Some of those past addictive behaviours are now mental impressions that wake me up at night and I find myself worrying about what could happen here.
Wow! My core really tightens up when I think of that and that hip ...well those muscles are not relaxing, let me tell ya! lol.
But, I hear from that quiet space within me, that in this moment it is no big deal! At this moment he is either straight or he is not...that is all that matters. What he does in the next moment I have no control over. If he is still straight he stays and if he isn't, he doesn't. If he is serious about recovery he is welcomed with open arms and if he isn't, he won't want to stay because of my limits. It will be his choice and really nothing to do with me except adhering to my own limits. I want him to stay; I want him to recover. I will do whatever I can within my very limited power to encourage, support and assist in that recovery. I tell him that but I also tell him that I have little power here other than the power to set limits, talk, help make plans that protect him and my other loved ones. I remind him that I also have others to protect.
No big deal!
Man...it does help to say those words, to lean into the stress and fall through into the arms of what really matters. Life matters, Stillness matters. Peace matters. Spirit/God/Self Consciousness/ awareness/The way...matters!! Love matters!
All else is No Big Deal!
All is well in my world!
Thursday, June 13, 2019
The Often Overlooked Dimension of Being...
Go to the dimension within that is timeless and formless-that dimension of consciousness where you step back from thinking and realize beyond all the doing, the successes and failures and beyond all the conditions and situations of your life....there is something else in you that is constantly overlooked.
-Eckhart Tolle (may not be written exactly as said :))
Circumstances keep doing what they do. :) Things happen, right? The bank may lose my $10,000 cheque which is all I have for future security; people may not behave the way I want them to; I may sustain a hip injury right before I am about to embark on a teaching yoga adventure....but... but I still am. I still am. Mind wants me to get lost in this drama...but I don't have to. Who I really am is beyond all the thinking, the doing, the successes, the failures, the conditions, and situations. When I can tap in to that "being", none of this other stuff really matters. Hmmm!
-Eckhart Tolle (may not be written exactly as said :))
Circumstances keep doing what they do. :) Things happen, right? The bank may lose my $10,000 cheque which is all I have for future security; people may not behave the way I want them to; I may sustain a hip injury right before I am about to embark on a teaching yoga adventure....but... but I still am. I still am. Mind wants me to get lost in this drama...but I don't have to. Who I really am is beyond all the thinking, the doing, the successes, the failures, the conditions, and situations. When I can tap in to that "being", none of this other stuff really matters. Hmmm!
I Still Am
Life may knock 'me 'down, as it blows through, again and again and again
...but I still am.
I may appear bruised and weathered by the storms, shaky and unsteady as I struggle to find balance
....but I still am.
'My' body may pop and crackle with age as its natural decay shows up in 'my' bones and on 'my' skin
....but I still am.
Bodily organs may act up making 'me' lose 'my' ability to do the things I once took for granted
...but I still am.
Careers that once filled 'me' with purpose and recognition may be taken away by circumstance
...but I still am.
The "stuff" that once filled 'my' surroundings, giving 'me' a sense of identity and validation may decay and rust away
...but I still am.
Relationships may dissolve; conflicts may arise; the pain of loss may present itself as I make 'my' way through the crowds of humanity
...but I still am.
The walls that once protected 'me' may crumble and fall to the ground leaving nothing but dust
...but I still am.
I may forget what is within 'me' and stray away from home, getting lost and confused
...but I still am.
Regardless of what happens in the foreground of 'my' Life, be it beautiful or be it ugly,
...I still am.
Regardless if I can see it or not, beneath the heavy veil of thinking, feeling and doing,
...I still am.
Whether I succeed in 'my' doing or fail; whether I accomplish and achieve or lose it all,
...I still I am.
I still am, not because "I think," but because....
I am.
Dale-Lyn June/2019
Wednesday, June 12, 2019
My Little Apple Tree
If peace can have a scent, it takes me to your side
where leaf is green and flowers bloom and bees so happily abide.
You stand so like an angel with branches stretched like wings toward the sky
and wanting Heaven too, I lean against your steady bark and quietly I sigh.
I am lost in the sweet presence that makes the blossoms escape from your tiny tips
and I close my eyes and feel It as "thank you" slips from my lips.
You teach me what I need to know without useless word or thought;
You show me what I am and you show me what I'm not.
I breathe you in and when I do I breathe in all that I could ever be.
Somehow I find the truth I seek, in you,
my little apple tree.
my little apple tree.
-Me...Dale-Lyn (Pen) (May 30, 2018)
Felt compelled to repeat this entry from June of last year. My bad...haven't been shooting and the blossoms are already starting to go. I will go out today. :)
If you want to experience Life for a bit rather than thinking about it...slip outside to a fruit tree in blossom and just stand in front of it long enough to soak up the beauty of it (without uttering one word in your head or from your mouth!) Amazing!
All is well!
More Than a Little Mad
It is possible to divide every kind of happiness and suffering into two main categories: mental and physical. Of the two, it is the mind that exerts the greatest influence on most of us.
-Dalai Lama
There is a reason for my madness. :) I am speaking about the madness of me constantly writing about controlling the mind and the madness that exists in most of our minds anyway.
It may seem a little mad, but I keep speaking to the need to tame our monkey minds because it is the focus of my attention these days. I see this suggestion everywhere...in the books I read, the quote pages I open up to and the things I flick on the screen. There is a reason why I am writing this...I feel compelled to and possibly a little "pushed" to.
More than a Little Crazy
And yes I believe we are all mad.
Say what crazy lady? Speak for yourself.
I am speaking for my self and when I speak for myself, I am learning, I speak for everyone.
Yes, the majority of us are a bit crazy. Think about it. Most of us live in our heads instead of in our bodies. We live in a mental construct of past and future instead of in the present moment. We choose thinking over living. Of the 60,000 thoughts we supposedly think a day, 80 % of them are negative and 90 % of them are repetitive. We are living a loop recording that is in our heads rather than experiencing the beauty that is Life occurring in us and around us right now. We have been given this wonderful opportunity on this amazing planet to "experience" and most of us are forgoing the actual experiencing for some drama our ego minds have made up. We are habitually fighting off what is and waiting for a time that doesn't truly exist to make it all better. We are actually choosing to stay stuck in suffering when we do not have to. All this is occurring in our minds! Does that not sound crazy?
One unpleasant memory or anxious thought after another and you are missing the present moment. ...What kind of person does this state of consciousness produce?(Tolle)
Our minds are the source of our suffering and our taming them is the solution. That simple.
Why do we need to tame them?
We need to tame them so we can transcend them and get beyond their chatter to the quiet stillness that is us. We tame them so we get beyond "thinking" about living to actually living.
We tame them so we can become aware of our madness, and then aware of the perfect sanity of the true Self hidden in the background by all our insane mental activity. Slow the mental activity and ...voila!... we find our Self. We become "aware" of who we are and what Life truly is.
Would it not make sense then...to choose sanity over madness, to choose peace over suffering? Would it not make sense to tame that which is keeping us from peace and joy and Love?
Just saying. But what do I know? You need to discover this for yourself.
All is well.
Eckhart Tolle (2014) Meditation: Eckhart Tolle. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foU1qgOdtwg
-Dalai Lama
There is a reason for my madness. :) I am speaking about the madness of me constantly writing about controlling the mind and the madness that exists in most of our minds anyway.
It may seem a little mad, but I keep speaking to the need to tame our monkey minds because it is the focus of my attention these days. I see this suggestion everywhere...in the books I read, the quote pages I open up to and the things I flick on the screen. There is a reason why I am writing this...I feel compelled to and possibly a little "pushed" to.
More than a Little Crazy
And yes I believe we are all mad.
Say what crazy lady? Speak for yourself.
I am speaking for my self and when I speak for myself, I am learning, I speak for everyone.
Yes, the majority of us are a bit crazy. Think about it. Most of us live in our heads instead of in our bodies. We live in a mental construct of past and future instead of in the present moment. We choose thinking over living. Of the 60,000 thoughts we supposedly think a day, 80 % of them are negative and 90 % of them are repetitive. We are living a loop recording that is in our heads rather than experiencing the beauty that is Life occurring in us and around us right now. We have been given this wonderful opportunity on this amazing planet to "experience" and most of us are forgoing the actual experiencing for some drama our ego minds have made up. We are habitually fighting off what is and waiting for a time that doesn't truly exist to make it all better. We are actually choosing to stay stuck in suffering when we do not have to. All this is occurring in our minds! Does that not sound crazy?
One unpleasant memory or anxious thought after another and you are missing the present moment. ...What kind of person does this state of consciousness produce?(Tolle)
Our minds are the source of our suffering and our taming them is the solution. That simple.
Why do we need to tame them?
We need to tame them so we can transcend them and get beyond their chatter to the quiet stillness that is us. We tame them so we get beyond "thinking" about living to actually living.
We tame them so we can become aware of our madness, and then aware of the perfect sanity of the true Self hidden in the background by all our insane mental activity. Slow the mental activity and ...voila!... we find our Self. We become "aware" of who we are and what Life truly is.
Would it not make sense then...to choose sanity over madness, to choose peace over suffering? Would it not make sense to tame that which is keeping us from peace and joy and Love?
Just saying. But what do I know? You need to discover this for yourself.
All is well.
Eckhart Tolle (2014) Meditation: Eckhart Tolle. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foU1qgOdtwg
Tuesday, June 11, 2019
Holding the Frequency of Presence
It [consciousness practice]is always about falling asleep and waking up from your sleep."
-Eckhart Tolle
So I know I am going on and on about training the mind but I do see it as the answer for so many of our issues and so-called problems. What is happening out there is seldom the cause of our "stress". It is what our mind does with that information that causes us grief.
The most important thing in our lives, according to Tolle and many others (though different words or pointers may be used to make this point), is our state of consciousness right here, right now. Our ultimate goal is to stay awake but our intermediate and more realistic goal is to wake up when we fall asleep. And we will fall asleep again and again.
Unconsciousness
The untrained and easily distracted mind will drag us into worry, complaint and drama. It will pull us into its snowball momentum and we will get lost in it. It will tell us that whatever we got going on is more important than staying present and foolishly we will believe it as we are dragged along. We will forget that we are spacious presence and that the moment is the only Life we have. This is where we slip into unconsciousness.
The Practice of Awakening
The practice, then, involves waking up from sleep again and again until we stop losing consciousness all together. It is not just something we practice when we are seated for meditation but something we practice every single hour of every single day. We need to watch our minds constantly to observe when they are sliding down the Glascow Coma Scale. It is much easier to shake yourself awake when you just begin to doze off, than it is to try to wake yourself up from deep unconsciousness.
Have an idea of how your mind works.
Are you present? Do you stay present(peaceful, calm, centered and clear) regardless of what is going on around you or "to" you?
How often do you feel stressed, irritable, depressed or annoyed during the day? Are you attracting into your life more of the same?
Do you chase after your thoughts and feelings like they were squirrels? If so, how often do you chase and what types of thoughts do you chase?
Do you find yourself reacting in defense and attack mode more so than responding with kindness to the behaviour of others or in the face of unfavorable life events? What triggers you to do so? What kinds of situations are you more likely to 'react unconsciously' to? What kind of people do you struggle to be peaceful around?
How often do you catch yourself straying and how easy is it to bring yourself back? This will be the best marker for determining your learning and growth in this area. The more you are aware of your "thinking" and the less challenging it is for you to bring yourself back to the present moment, the closer you are to mastering the practice.
If you are still 'reacting' frequently, still feeling "upset" a lot, don't fret. Don't attack yourself or struggle against your thinking and feeling. Relax into the uncomfortable reminders and be grateful for the signs 'continued suffering' offer. Distress tells you that you are still unconscious or falling asleep. Use it as an alarm clock for waking yourself up.
The Classroom is "out there"
The biggest part of the learning does not occur when you are on the meditation cushion, it occurs when you are out there dealing with Life and dealing with others. Our relationships offer prime learning opportunity.We are going to find ourselves around people all the time. Watch yourself as you are relating.
How do you feel around this person or that person? How does your body feel? What are you thinking?
What is going on around you? How are the people around you feeling and behaving? If you find yourself around a number of angry people, there is a good chance you are angry. If you find yourself around a group of peaceful people, there is a good chance you are feeling peaceful and centered, that you are present.
Dealing with "Difficult" People
Emotions, remember are energies. We are often drawn toward the same frequency that matches our own. If you don't believe me, just observe it in your own life. When you are feeling good and balanced, what kinds of people show up in your life? When you are having a hell of a day and feeling miserable what kind of people and life events do you attract?
Who really "ticks you off"? What do they say or do that gets to you? Why? What tender spots in you are they or their behaviour hitting?
Of Primary Importance
The point is that no matter what people or things are doing around you...:
What is of primary importance in every situation is the level of consciousness. Stay conscious.
(Eckhart Tolle)
Make staying awake more important than getting the last word, or sticking up for yourself, or being right, or putting him or her in their place. No matter how they are acting, no matter what terrible things they may be saying about you or someone you care for, no matter how "evil" and cruel they seem to be...the most important thing is to stay peaceful, to stay present.
Just remember that they are simply unconscious. They have slipped away from who they really are too but who they really are is still there beneath the undesirable behaviour. Remember that.
Also know that their egos and pain bodies may be trying real hard to lure you into the drama, into a reaction. This is what unconscious minds do. And your mind that has a tendency to like drama...the more negative the better...might be telling you to go for it...but don't.
Take a step back, breathe and begin again (this is what I have taught my students as the 3 B's of responding) . Don't suppress the emotion or a need for action if it is there. Respond by all means, not from an egoic reactive state but from the calm, peaceful presence that will handle things much better than your reactive mind ever could.
So be aware of how your mind works. Watch it carefully and learn to respond from presence when dealing with situations and others that seem to be "getting on your nerves."
Make staying conscious your priority.
Hold the frequency of presence no matter what.
If you can stay conscious...you will offer your calm centered presence to the world when it needs it most.
All is well.
Eckhart Tolle (2019) Awakening From Self Talk.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsB7f_pXu6I
-Eckhart Tolle
So I know I am going on and on about training the mind but I do see it as the answer for so many of our issues and so-called problems. What is happening out there is seldom the cause of our "stress". It is what our mind does with that information that causes us grief.
The most important thing in our lives, according to Tolle and many others (though different words or pointers may be used to make this point), is our state of consciousness right here, right now. Our ultimate goal is to stay awake but our intermediate and more realistic goal is to wake up when we fall asleep. And we will fall asleep again and again.
Unconsciousness
The untrained and easily distracted mind will drag us into worry, complaint and drama. It will pull us into its snowball momentum and we will get lost in it. It will tell us that whatever we got going on is more important than staying present and foolishly we will believe it as we are dragged along. We will forget that we are spacious presence and that the moment is the only Life we have. This is where we slip into unconsciousness.
The Practice of Awakening
The practice, then, involves waking up from sleep again and again until we stop losing consciousness all together. It is not just something we practice when we are seated for meditation but something we practice every single hour of every single day. We need to watch our minds constantly to observe when they are sliding down the Glascow Coma Scale. It is much easier to shake yourself awake when you just begin to doze off, than it is to try to wake yourself up from deep unconsciousness.
Have an idea of how your mind works.
Are you present? Do you stay present(peaceful, calm, centered and clear) regardless of what is going on around you or "to" you?
How often do you feel stressed, irritable, depressed or annoyed during the day? Are you attracting into your life more of the same?
Do you chase after your thoughts and feelings like they were squirrels? If so, how often do you chase and what types of thoughts do you chase?
Do you find yourself reacting in defense and attack mode more so than responding with kindness to the behaviour of others or in the face of unfavorable life events? What triggers you to do so? What kinds of situations are you more likely to 'react unconsciously' to? What kind of people do you struggle to be peaceful around?
How often do you catch yourself straying and how easy is it to bring yourself back? This will be the best marker for determining your learning and growth in this area. The more you are aware of your "thinking" and the less challenging it is for you to bring yourself back to the present moment, the closer you are to mastering the practice.
If you are still 'reacting' frequently, still feeling "upset" a lot, don't fret. Don't attack yourself or struggle against your thinking and feeling. Relax into the uncomfortable reminders and be grateful for the signs 'continued suffering' offer. Distress tells you that you are still unconscious or falling asleep. Use it as an alarm clock for waking yourself up.
The Classroom is "out there"
The biggest part of the learning does not occur when you are on the meditation cushion, it occurs when you are out there dealing with Life and dealing with others. Our relationships offer prime learning opportunity.We are going to find ourselves around people all the time. Watch yourself as you are relating.
How do you feel around this person or that person? How does your body feel? What are you thinking?
What is going on around you? How are the people around you feeling and behaving? If you find yourself around a number of angry people, there is a good chance you are angry. If you find yourself around a group of peaceful people, there is a good chance you are feeling peaceful and centered, that you are present.
Dealing with "Difficult" People
Emotions, remember are energies. We are often drawn toward the same frequency that matches our own. If you don't believe me, just observe it in your own life. When you are feeling good and balanced, what kinds of people show up in your life? When you are having a hell of a day and feeling miserable what kind of people and life events do you attract?
Who really "ticks you off"? What do they say or do that gets to you? Why? What tender spots in you are they or their behaviour hitting?
Of Primary Importance
The point is that no matter what people or things are doing around you...:
What is of primary importance in every situation is the level of consciousness. Stay conscious.
(Eckhart Tolle)
Make staying awake more important than getting the last word, or sticking up for yourself, or being right, or putting him or her in their place. No matter how they are acting, no matter what terrible things they may be saying about you or someone you care for, no matter how "evil" and cruel they seem to be...the most important thing is to stay peaceful, to stay present.
Just remember that they are simply unconscious. They have slipped away from who they really are too but who they really are is still there beneath the undesirable behaviour. Remember that.
Also know that their egos and pain bodies may be trying real hard to lure you into the drama, into a reaction. This is what unconscious minds do. And your mind that has a tendency to like drama...the more negative the better...might be telling you to go for it...but don't.
Take a step back, breathe and begin again (this is what I have taught my students as the 3 B's of responding) . Don't suppress the emotion or a need for action if it is there. Respond by all means, not from an egoic reactive state but from the calm, peaceful presence that will handle things much better than your reactive mind ever could.
So be aware of how your mind works. Watch it carefully and learn to respond from presence when dealing with situations and others that seem to be "getting on your nerves."
Make staying conscious your priority.
Hold the frequency of presence no matter what.
If you can stay conscious...you will offer your calm centered presence to the world when it needs it most.
All is well.
Eckhart Tolle (2019) Awakening From Self Talk.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsB7f_pXu6I
Monday, June 10, 2019
"Thinking" net
The goal of meditation is not to get rid of your thoughts and emotions. The goal is to become more AWARE of your thoughts and emotions and learn how to move through them without getting stuck.
-Dr. P. Goldin
I keep catching myself running off during meditation and mindfulness practice. Then I catch myself catching myself running off. It gets quite confusing lol.
The Snowball Effect
When I do realize that I have run off, I do my best not to analyze what it was that led me off in the first place. I don't want to recall the details of it because I do not want to get lost in the snow ball momentum of the thought process again. One small thought leads to another and another until I am caught in the middle of some humongous snowball that is rolling out of control. This leads to one degree of feeling than another...or one degree of resisting and pushing against a feeling than another.
The more negative the thought, the quicker that snowball rolls, don't you find? And there are so many different thoughts that lead in different directions...different feelings...different intensities...but they all seem to go downhill...fast! :)
Catch Thoughts in a "Thinking" Net
The trick is, I discovered, to catch yourself before you get too far, before the momentum gets hard to break. You just catch yourself thinking and bring self back. And instead of doing what got us in this mess in the first place...analyzing, judging, deciphering, discriminating our thoughts...we can just group them all under one big label: "Thinking!"
I just say "thinking" when I catch myself going off. That is usually enough to stop the momentum long enough so I can coach my mind away from the object it was chasing and back to my breath.
Don't dwell on the object...just recognize yourself following it in the mind and say "thinking". "Oh look at me thinking again."
Don't judge the thought, don't analyze it ( at least not while you are trying to return to center). Don't make one thought more worthy than another of your attention. Just recognize the activity of thinking...the running off...put it all in one big "Thinking" net...and come back to center.
Going Off and Coming Back Again and Again and Again.
Sure your mind will go off again but simply learn to watch yourself being pulled away and come back to center again. That is all meditating does. It trains us to be aware of our thoughts, aware that we are going off so we can pull ourselves back again and again and again. Being aware of "thinking" is the first part.
Staying At the Top of the Hill
Then once that is mastered, the trick is to stay at the top of the hill...of not allowing ourselves to run after the crazy nonsense our minds can spill. The trick is in realizing that we want to be the something that observes and watches, that catches us running off and coaches us back.
We don't want to be the one that is constantly chasing after thoughts. We do not want to be caught up in the never ending snowball momentum. We accomplish this shift in our thinking when we become aware of awareness. When we become observant of the observer.
Aware of Awareness
We begin by being aware we have run off and with more practice we eventually evolve into being aware of awareness itself.
It is being in that place of awareness that will prevent anymore snowy somersaults down hill. It is in the being aware of awareness that we will experience peace.
All is well in my world
-Dr. P. Goldin
I keep catching myself running off during meditation and mindfulness practice. Then I catch myself catching myself running off. It gets quite confusing lol.
The Snowball Effect
When I do realize that I have run off, I do my best not to analyze what it was that led me off in the first place. I don't want to recall the details of it because I do not want to get lost in the snow ball momentum of the thought process again. One small thought leads to another and another until I am caught in the middle of some humongous snowball that is rolling out of control. This leads to one degree of feeling than another...or one degree of resisting and pushing against a feeling than another.
The more negative the thought, the quicker that snowball rolls, don't you find? And there are so many different thoughts that lead in different directions...different feelings...different intensities...but they all seem to go downhill...fast! :)
Catch Thoughts in a "Thinking" Net
The trick is, I discovered, to catch yourself before you get too far, before the momentum gets hard to break. You just catch yourself thinking and bring self back. And instead of doing what got us in this mess in the first place...analyzing, judging, deciphering, discriminating our thoughts...we can just group them all under one big label: "Thinking!"
I just say "thinking" when I catch myself going off. That is usually enough to stop the momentum long enough so I can coach my mind away from the object it was chasing and back to my breath.
Don't dwell on the object...just recognize yourself following it in the mind and say "thinking". "Oh look at me thinking again."
Don't judge the thought, don't analyze it ( at least not while you are trying to return to center). Don't make one thought more worthy than another of your attention. Just recognize the activity of thinking...the running off...put it all in one big "Thinking" net...and come back to center.
Going Off and Coming Back Again and Again and Again.
Sure your mind will go off again but simply learn to watch yourself being pulled away and come back to center again. That is all meditating does. It trains us to be aware of our thoughts, aware that we are going off so we can pull ourselves back again and again and again. Being aware of "thinking" is the first part.
Staying At the Top of the Hill
Then once that is mastered, the trick is to stay at the top of the hill...of not allowing ourselves to run after the crazy nonsense our minds can spill. The trick is in realizing that we want to be the something that observes and watches, that catches us running off and coaches us back.
We don't want to be the one that is constantly chasing after thoughts. We do not want to be caught up in the never ending snowball momentum. We accomplish this shift in our thinking when we become aware of awareness. When we become observant of the observer.
Aware of Awareness
We begin by being aware we have run off and with more practice we eventually evolve into being aware of awareness itself.
It is being in that place of awareness that will prevent anymore snowy somersaults down hill. It is in the being aware of awareness that we will experience peace.
All is well in my world
Sunday, June 9, 2019
Need a Rest? Stop Chasing! Meditate.
If you are able to do a little meditation daily, withdrawing this scattered mind on one object inside, it is very helpful. The conceptuality that runs on thinking of good things, bad things, and so forth will get a rest.
-Dalai Lama
-Dalai Lama
Friday, June 7, 2019
Chasing Squirrels
Be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behaviours. You are beneath the thinker. You are the stillness beneath the mental noise. You are the love and joy beneath the pain.
Eckhart Tolle
Watching The Mind
I am learning to observe my mind.
I see that I still slip back into mind stuff all the time, even when I am sitting in meditation. My mind will run off. For a minute or two, (I am really not sure how long), I am lost somewhere in thinking, feeling, creating story and identification for the "little me".
At first, I don't even know I am lost because I am so absorbed in that mind stuff. Thought, feeling activity is like a captivating movie. I am pulled into the drama on the screen...becoming the character. I forget that I am actually the one sitting on the seat in the large and spacious theatre.
I do this running after and getting lost in mental drama, many times throughout the day and I also do it when I am attempting to be mindful or meditate.
With more practice, however, I am getting better. During quiet stillness, I can see when I run off (usually after the fact) and I gently call myself back to my breath, just as a dog owner will call a dog back to her side if he strays too far away. Attention returns and I focus again. I focus on the breath going in and the breath going out. I focus on my inner body sensations. I focus on the quiet stillness as I very, very gently release myself into the pauses between clouds of thought and breath.
When I am fairly centered again, I will still see the thought activity, passing like clouds before me, but I will not feel the urge to follow all thoughts. My goal is not to stop this mental activity. That, I know is beyond me. My goal is to stay with the breath of vacancy for as long as I can.
I am getting better at focusing my mind during seated meditation and mindfulness and even during daily activities. I usually, for the most part, can focus on breath, the moment, what is truly important and stay fairly centered. That is until a real demanding physical sensation, life circumstance or mental movement catches my attention and off I go after it.
A Dog in Training
I am like a dog in training, I guess. I am learning to stay centered but am still unable to restrain myself from running after the noisiest squirrels that run before my mind's eye. I need some mind training. My training is not to stop the squirrels. I have little control over them. I must let them do what squirrels do. I must let my thoughts do what thoughts do.
The biggest part of my training is to just be observant, to catch myself running off and to calmly but firmly say "Come!" When my mind returns to center, I need to make it "Sit!" and "Check me!" so it stays focused on the "master" or the "trainer." I will go off and I will bring myself back...that is what this practice is really about.
Questions About Who is Training and who is Being Trained
That means then, that in my proverbial head, there is more than one person, more than one me, more than one self. There is the me that needs to be trained and the me that is doing the training. Who is the one that runs off and gets lost all the time? And who is one who stays centered? Who is doing the training? Who is the observer and who is observed?
"Little me" and Ego Mind
I am learning from all my studying and self inquiry that it is the ego part of me that needs training. It is the part of me that is much too identified with thinking and physical world "stuff". It is the part of me that sees itself as a separate wave on a vast and mighty ocean, forgetting that it is the ocean. It is the part of me that fears and does whatever it can to protect itself. It is the part of me that gets me striving, doing incessantly, grasping, clinging, resisting because it doesn't feel whole and complete as it is. It is the part of me that foolishly focuses attention "out there". It is the part of me, then, that makes me suffer. I will call it "little me".
Little me is the "monkey mind" that controls most of our lives today.
Little me is the animal in our proverbial heads constantly running off and dragging the rest of us along. Thoughts themselves are like squirrels the dog sees. Our minds will go off after them like they were tangible objects.
The Consequences of Running Off
The untrained dog will suffer the consequences of going after everything that runs before it just like we will suffer the consequences for going after our thoughts that run before our mind's eyes. We will get stressed, and drained from the activity without ever truly catching what we go after. Even if we do catch it, there will always be another squirrel or object or thought that grabs our attention...and off we go in another direction.
We won't find happiness through chasing. Just the opposite. We could get reprimanded and in trouble from others for our unfavorable behaviours...suffering their wrath and social sanctions (relationship breakdowns etc) .We will be constantly running, striving, chasing and possibly defending and attacking "our territory" because of fear-based aggression, never catching what it is we think we are chasing. Because we are not focused on what is happening in the moment, so focused on the object before us, we miss so much of Life and can even get hurt doing so ( how many dogs get got my cars when they chase after something?)
Most sadly, we can get lost if we chase too far away from home. We will forget who we really are and Where we came from. We then may become confused and disorientated, lost and lonely. We will long for that quiet home, we really never wanted to leave.
Chasing after our thoughts, then, is not the healthiest thing to do We need to somehow train "little me", the mind... to calmly walk beside us, instead of yanking and painfully pulling us along.
An Object to Be Observed
Little me is an object we can observe in action.
My mind is actually an object. Hmmm! It observes and chases after other objects like thoughts derived from observing "things" in the physical world with the five senses and interpreting their meaning for me.
There are soooo many thoughts, so many perceptions that it is easy to get lost in the thought chasing.
If we want to get back home and learn to stay there we need to realize that the mind that runs off is being observed a Subject. It can be called back to training again and again by this observer. There is something observing.
Self or "I"
Then who is calling it back? Who is the "master" , the "Alpha" training my mind? Who is the subject? The Observer of my mind?
It isn't little me, the person "I think I am because I think". The thinking I have been doing has been getting me in trouble by taking me away from the "Master".
It isn't the character in that drama I keep getting lost in because the subject is pulling "me' back from that when it catches me straying...therefore it isn't the thoughts, the feelings and the memories I chase after.
It isn't the mind that is running off because "I" am watching the mind run off.
It cannot be both the one watching and the one being watched, can it? It cannot be the one training and the one being trained, can it?
Who is the "I" that is watching the " me" run off? Who is the "I" that is calling "me" back from mind activity to the peaceful center of home?
I am going to call It, as the yogis do, for now...knowing that what we call It isn't important...Self. (Now the Buddhists would not use the word Self...in fact ...in Buddhist teaching there is just no-self. But again it all has to do with getting lost in concepts and naming...This trainer, this Observer, this subject is not an object. When we refer to It with a name, be it "Self"or "I" we are objectifying It...if we objectify It...who is the subject watching It? )
No Distinction
Isn't it obvious, that this Self, no-self, thing that cannot be named, is something far greater than the mind, far wiser and much more benevolent? It would take something very Great to be patient in the observing and training of these wild, monkey minds most of us have. After all the mess we have made, all It asks is that we "Come!" "Sit!" and "Be Quiet!" so we can receive the Love that will stop us from wanting to run after anything.
When we get there to that place where our minds are calm and well trained... we will realize the ultimate truth, so the transcended write. We will realize that there is no distinction between the trainer, the trained or the training after-all. There is no distinction between the subject, the object or the observed. And There is no distinction between knower, knowledge and known. (Vishnu-devananda, pg 9)
I have not reached that realization yet. I am still chasing squirrels. :)
All is well!
Swami Vishnu-devananda (1988) The complete Illustrated Book of Yoga. New York: Three Rivers Press.
Thursday, June 6, 2019
Receiving a Gift
I gave them a gift
I gave her a gift
and she cried out loud with happiness.
She jumped up and into my arms
and hugged me with all her might.
"You are the absolute greatest!", she said,
smiling from ear to ear.
She ran off excitedly to take selfies
she could snap chat to her friends.
I gave him a gift
and he smiled politely.
His voice was neutral,
but pleasant when he said,
"Thank you. That was very thoughtful of you."
He got up to hug me with as much squeeze
as he gave me when he said goodbye.
He put the gift gently to the side
and he continued to do what he was doing
as he smiled.
I took the gift away from her.
I pulled it from her reluctant hands
and she fell to her knees, crying out in pain,
"You can't. It isn't fair. I love it! I need it!"
I apologized as I put the gift
back in the bag it came in.
She watched with her tiny hands in fists
and her face red with heat,
"This is sooo cruel! You are the absolute worst.
I will never talk to you again!"
She stormed off to take selfies
she could snap chat to her friends.
I proceeded to take the gift from him
but before I could lift it from the table beside him,
he passed it to me gently.
The smile was still on his face as I apologized.
"That's okay. I understand", he said.
"Thanks again though, for your thoughtfulness."
He stood up and hugged me
with as much squeeze as he gave me
when he said good bye.
He went back to doing what he was doing
as he continued to smile.
Dale-Lyn 2019
I wrote this little ditty a few minutes ago when I was thinking about attachment to thoughts, things and ideas and about equanimity.
Looking Out there for Happiness
So many of us are unconsciously lost in our "mind stuff", identifying our sense of self with past and future, what we can do and attain, what image of self we can create. We honestly believe the thoughts that come storming through our heads and we lose ourselves in them. Such thoughts tell us if we do this or that, get this or that, maintain this or that we will be happy. We, therefore, look to the outside world for our happiness. Our emotional health is therefore dependent on "stuff." A lot of that stuff is just ideology, story and nothing substantial and sustaining. Yet we perceive it to be so real!
The problem with seeking happiness (the ego's definition of happiness) is that this "stuff" we seek is temporary. Just as quickly as it comes into our lives, it can be taken away. It may cause great "happiness" when we receive it and great pain when we lose it. We go through life fluctuating dramatically and often chaotically from one emotional extreme to another. Why? Because we erroneously assume that our sense of peace and joy and wellness is dependent on something "out there". Even though everything "out there" is constantly fluctuating and changing as well.
You can probably tell from the above description which of the receivers was practicing attachment and discrimination and which one was practicing equanimity.
Equanimity
We know we are practicing equanimity and non attachment by how we respond to external offerings, either they be from another in the form of a gift or from Life in the form of circumstance. Our response to receiving and losing are pretty much the same when we have reached this state of non attachment. Why? Because we are not dependent on these things to make us happy. In fact, at this stage we are looking for something much deeper than ego's conditional happiness. We are looking for "joy".
Joy, I believe, is the deep sense of peaceful neutrality and detachment that reminds us of our "aliveness". It doesn't come from ego but from Spirit or presence. It comes with an acceptance and appreciation of Life and whatever it offers. Therefore, it doesn't come and go like "happiness" does. It just is.
When we can experience joy we have transcended the highs and lows of emotional fluctuation and our pendulum stays pretty much centered. Our life is no longer a story with such extreme ups and downs that we need to dramatically share. It is an experience of being alive. It is simple and real.
So if I gave you a "special" gift and then took it away, how would you respond?
All is well.
Wednesday, June 5, 2019
Using the Body and Mind
Yoga philosophy teaches that real man ...is not the body but merely occupies and uses the body as an instrument.
-Swami Vishnu-devananda , page 18
We can take this a little further and say we are not the body or the mind. The mind is also a tool to help us navigate our way along the physical plane. This philosophy teaches that we are Being and are incarnated ( and subsequently reincarnated) into bodies and minds as we progress spiritually. The bodies and minds, as spiritual instruments, give us an opportunity to experience Life and to express It as we evolve.
Do you find that a hard pill to swallow?
Many of us will choke a little on that, especially if we were raised and conditioned in western culture. I am not asking you to believe in reincarnation. I don't even know if I believe in it. It is okay if you don't believe it and it is okay if you do. I think we do, however, need to open up our minds to question the possibility of it. It would certainly explain and relieve a lot of suffering if it were true, would it not?
I think many of us are also getting, to some extent at least, that we are not our bodies and minds. Whether we are here for one round or a hundred, we get that there is more to us than this physical form we are in, than this personality and mind stuff we identify with. We are waking up enough to sense a presence beneath it all, a level of consciousness, a quiet observer, an awareness.
Some will call this spirit or soul, others presence or consciousness. Does it really matter what we call it when it is so immense we can barely understand it with our conceptual minds? Why do we fight and argue over names and labels in defense of our "faiths" and belief systems? Is it not just enough to know that there is something(which is really no-thing) there behind it all watching and experiencing?
What does "re-incarnation" mean anyway? Are we getting hung up on another word?
Let's break the word down. Re-in-carn-ate. "Re" of course, means again. "In" means in and "carn" means flesh. "Ate" means to cause to be. So the word basically means to become again in flesh. Or at least that is what the English/latin translation means. It is not so much the word we get hung up on but the prefix. It is the "re" we have a hard time digesting.
Okay with Incarnate
We have no problem with "incarnate," do we? We all agree that at some point we have been "incarnated." We all know that we come into flesh or are at least identified with flesh for a number of years. So we...something other than flesh are in flesh. What is this something other than body and mind? Being! We may argue what that "Being" is and from where it came but we know that something that was not flesh, "became into flesh". So we are formless Being (coming from some invisible realm) breathed into a finite vehicle of flesh for so many years.
Reincarnating all the time
Eckhart Tolle in, On Individuality and Reincarnation, teaches that we are actually reincarnating all the time. Whenever we get lost in the world of form through our thoughts, activities and melodramas we are going back into flesh. We may find ourselves in peaceful Being or presence, identified with our Higher Self one moment. Then something in the physical world pulls us through our minds away. We perceive something, and react to it emotionally and mentally and get lost in that reaction. We have then stepped away from Being and have been reincarnated. We have gone back to concerns of the "flesh". We have become bodies and minds again.
The Big question to understand then is why we are here so we can stop reincarnating in this life times and in others.
What the Heck Are We Doing Here?
So why are we here in flesh? Why is Being here? To suffer at the hands of random events for no explicable reason? What a waste of effort and divine energy to have our Being placed in a vehicle that is incredibly miraculous just so it can suffer at the hands of random events that mean nothing for a finite number of years. What happens to Being after the body dies or the mind stops functioning? Where does It go?
Does it make sense that we are here for a reason? Does it make sense that body and mind are just tools to help us achieve that purpose? If you believe in a Being...something deeper than body and mind, don't you want to know why and where you go after wards? Don't you want to know this Being and where it came from and why it is here? That is the spiritual quest. That, I believe, is why we are here. To answer these questions...and not by reading or listening to others but by going inward to where the only means of understanding lay. We do not understand with intellect but with connection to who we are.
The point is, the veil between our being lost and incarnated in thought, personality, drama, activity and physical world "stuff" is getting thinner and thinner for many of us. We are becoming more and more aware of that Being within us. We are wanting to know It and connect to the Source of It, the One Source, the Supreme Being. For many of us, that goal is becoming the most important parts of our lives. We are evolving. {Well I (in my pre-evolved state) and many spiritual masters east and west say "evolving". You might still see it as "going bonkers." lol}
As the mind develops, the veil covering the soul becomes thinner and finally disappears altogether. In this state, the soul realizes its immortality and its identification with the supreme being...and this is the purpose of all religions. page 8
Whether it be for one life time or many, we are meant to use the body as a vehicle to experience Life with and we use the mind as an instrument for understanding and transcending.
All is well!
Eckhart Tolle (Jan, 2019) On Individuality and Spirituality. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVu6yU2plAo
Swami Vishnu-devananda (1988) The Complete Illustrated Book of Yoga. New York: Three River Press.
-Swami Vishnu-devananda , page 18
We can take this a little further and say we are not the body or the mind. The mind is also a tool to help us navigate our way along the physical plane. This philosophy teaches that we are Being and are incarnated ( and subsequently reincarnated) into bodies and minds as we progress spiritually. The bodies and minds, as spiritual instruments, give us an opportunity to experience Life and to express It as we evolve.
Do you find that a hard pill to swallow?
Many of us will choke a little on that, especially if we were raised and conditioned in western culture. I am not asking you to believe in reincarnation. I don't even know if I believe in it. It is okay if you don't believe it and it is okay if you do. I think we do, however, need to open up our minds to question the possibility of it. It would certainly explain and relieve a lot of suffering if it were true, would it not?
I think many of us are also getting, to some extent at least, that we are not our bodies and minds. Whether we are here for one round or a hundred, we get that there is more to us than this physical form we are in, than this personality and mind stuff we identify with. We are waking up enough to sense a presence beneath it all, a level of consciousness, a quiet observer, an awareness.
Some will call this spirit or soul, others presence or consciousness. Does it really matter what we call it when it is so immense we can barely understand it with our conceptual minds? Why do we fight and argue over names and labels in defense of our "faiths" and belief systems? Is it not just enough to know that there is something(which is really no-thing) there behind it all watching and experiencing?
What does "re-incarnation" mean anyway? Are we getting hung up on another word?
Let's break the word down. Re-in-carn-ate. "Re" of course, means again. "In" means in and "carn" means flesh. "Ate" means to cause to be. So the word basically means to become again in flesh. Or at least that is what the English/latin translation means. It is not so much the word we get hung up on but the prefix. It is the "re" we have a hard time digesting.
Okay with Incarnate
We have no problem with "incarnate," do we? We all agree that at some point we have been "incarnated." We all know that we come into flesh or are at least identified with flesh for a number of years. So we...something other than flesh are in flesh. What is this something other than body and mind? Being! We may argue what that "Being" is and from where it came but we know that something that was not flesh, "became into flesh". So we are formless Being (coming from some invisible realm) breathed into a finite vehicle of flesh for so many years.
Reincarnating all the time
Eckhart Tolle in, On Individuality and Reincarnation, teaches that we are actually reincarnating all the time. Whenever we get lost in the world of form through our thoughts, activities and melodramas we are going back into flesh. We may find ourselves in peaceful Being or presence, identified with our Higher Self one moment. Then something in the physical world pulls us through our minds away. We perceive something, and react to it emotionally and mentally and get lost in that reaction. We have then stepped away from Being and have been reincarnated. We have gone back to concerns of the "flesh". We have become bodies and minds again.
The Big question to understand then is why we are here so we can stop reincarnating in this life times and in others.
What the Heck Are We Doing Here?
So why are we here in flesh? Why is Being here? To suffer at the hands of random events for no explicable reason? What a waste of effort and divine energy to have our Being placed in a vehicle that is incredibly miraculous just so it can suffer at the hands of random events that mean nothing for a finite number of years. What happens to Being after the body dies or the mind stops functioning? Where does It go?
Does it make sense that we are here for a reason? Does it make sense that body and mind are just tools to help us achieve that purpose? If you believe in a Being...something deeper than body and mind, don't you want to know why and where you go after wards? Don't you want to know this Being and where it came from and why it is here? That is the spiritual quest. That, I believe, is why we are here. To answer these questions...and not by reading or listening to others but by going inward to where the only means of understanding lay. We do not understand with intellect but with connection to who we are.
The point is, the veil between our being lost and incarnated in thought, personality, drama, activity and physical world "stuff" is getting thinner and thinner for many of us. We are becoming more and more aware of that Being within us. We are wanting to know It and connect to the Source of It, the One Source, the Supreme Being. For many of us, that goal is becoming the most important parts of our lives. We are evolving. {Well I (in my pre-evolved state) and many spiritual masters east and west say "evolving". You might still see it as "going bonkers." lol}
As the mind develops, the veil covering the soul becomes thinner and finally disappears altogether. In this state, the soul realizes its immortality and its identification with the supreme being...and this is the purpose of all religions. page 8
Whether it be for one life time or many, we are meant to use the body as a vehicle to experience Life with and we use the mind as an instrument for understanding and transcending.
All is well!
Eckhart Tolle (Jan, 2019) On Individuality and Spirituality. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVu6yU2plAo
Swami Vishnu-devananda (1988) The Complete Illustrated Book of Yoga. New York: Three River Press.
Tuesday, June 4, 2019
An Update on "The Opposite Challenge"
Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Hmm! On February 27, 2017, almost two and a half years ago, I used that same quote in another entry...an entry entitled A Practice with "The Opposite Challenge". In that entry I set out to see if I could make something happen which was completely different than what I had in my life. I was going to see if the universe would conspire to change my "unwanted" into "wanted." I used the state of my house at the time as the opposite I would use in my practice. I had a house in urgent need of tender, loving care and I wanted it to become one that was clean and well maintained.
First of all, I have to say that I am not the best house keeper in the world...never was and never will be. Housework is not on the top of my priority list but I do want and expect a certain level of cleanliness. I used house maintenance in this experiment because though it bothered me greatly not to be able to maintain it in a satisfactory way, it was not as critical as other issues. It is best to begin such experimentation with areas of your life that are not too pressing.
Okay so I had complained, accepted, asked, acted, affirmed, and felt as if in several areas related to house maintenance...you will have to read the entry. I had no idea how or with what means I would be successful but I did as I wrote.
This is what I have since achieved:
So what is my house like now? Though I may not be mopping the floor twice a week lol , I am keeping things half decent. Even got out last week and cleaned the windows...something I have not been able to do for years. We are doing renos downstairs which will make things even easier to maintain, increasing the value and saleability of my home.
So would you say the universe was conspiring on my side when I delivered the opposite challenge to it? I would say it was.
All is well.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Hmm! On February 27, 2017, almost two and a half years ago, I used that same quote in another entry...an entry entitled A Practice with "The Opposite Challenge". In that entry I set out to see if I could make something happen which was completely different than what I had in my life. I was going to see if the universe would conspire to change my "unwanted" into "wanted." I used the state of my house at the time as the opposite I would use in my practice. I had a house in urgent need of tender, loving care and I wanted it to become one that was clean and well maintained.
First of all, I have to say that I am not the best house keeper in the world...never was and never will be. Housework is not on the top of my priority list but I do want and expect a certain level of cleanliness. I used house maintenance in this experiment because though it bothered me greatly not to be able to maintain it in a satisfactory way, it was not as critical as other issues. It is best to begin such experimentation with areas of your life that are not too pressing.
Okay so I had complained, accepted, asked, acted, affirmed, and felt as if in several areas related to house maintenance...you will have to read the entry. I had no idea how or with what means I would be successful but I did as I wrote.
This is what I have since achieved:
- Someone to come in to do the heavy cleaning: I did receive some help from my daughter and her partner with cleaning, repair and renovations.
- Hire someone to come in once a week: Still working at that one, finances won't allow it right now.
- Diminish clutter: I threw out half a store room, and about 30-40% of clutter from my home over the last two years, especially the last six months. I Marie Kondoed everything and what a difference!
- New Stone Counters: Couldn't afford new stone counters but I painted and resurfaced my present counter tops last summer to look like stone. I do have a new smooth surface. And I got to use my creativity.
- Paint Cupboards: My daughter and I refinished my old tired cabinetry with fresh colour and a unique flare last summer. Love it!
- Paint Walls: Still working on that. Painting is physically draining but we did get the kitchen done (with a lovely splash of blue added as an accent wall) , the dining room and are working on the downstairs walls.
- Purchase a better mop: I found a mop that does not tire me out as much...the bucket does the wringing.
- Roomba: I got a Roomba for a birthday present two summers ago...love it!
- Remove wall between kitchen and living room: Removed half the wall creating a lunch nook and the light and air in my kitchen now is amazing.
- Better couch protection from Pets: working on that. Have to throw out half my sectional because of dog related incidents and will purchase possibly a false leather couch which can be wiped clean when I can.
- Kids to help out more: My girls will do their own laundry and the few times we had to go away, we came home to find the house cleaned from top to bottom.
- Air purifiers: We purchased a split pump last summer to help with that and heating bills. Am also in the process of getting one or two air purifiers with dehumidifying action for downstairs.
- Self Cleaning Oven: when D.'s house burnt down we salvaged that one he had. What a difference it makes to have a glass cook top and an oven that cleans itself. :)
- Dishwasher: Really have no room for one in my kitchen. I actually use my dishwashing time to meditate a bit so I am okay with that.
- New Kitchen floor without grouts: Got a vinyl floor on sale for a great price and put it down last fall. Love it! So easy to clean.
- Minimize: Covered that as well
So what is my house like now? Though I may not be mopping the floor twice a week lol , I am keeping things half decent. Even got out last week and cleaned the windows...something I have not been able to do for years. We are doing renos downstairs which will make things even easier to maintain, increasing the value and saleability of my home.
So would you say the universe was conspiring on my side when I delivered the opposite challenge to it? I would say it was.
All is well.
Monday, June 3, 2019
Yoga Learning and Teaching
Though the Yogi gives great care and attention to the physical body, he goes beyond this point and brings the body under the control of the mind, both of which he finally uses for his final higher spiritual pursuits.
-Swami Vishnu-devananda
I am not sure what to write about today. The learning that lay on the proverbial desk in front of me is heavy and full. It is like one of those big nursing text books I had to lug around in the day...one that seemed impossible to carry...let alone read or understand enough to be tested on.
I have the knowledge and the learning gained from so many sources and teachers (including my own self inquiry). It just has not completely sunk in yet to make it something I practice in every moment. I want this learning to become so much a part of me, I exhale it with every breath. Realistic? I don't know.
I am encouraged by Swami Vishnu-devananda's words in The Complete Illustrated Book of Yoga (which happens to be a must-read in most yoga teacher training.) : Yoga philosophy and its teachers...ask the student to be patient and many things that appear vague at first will become clear as he progresses. (page 6) It will sink in eventually. :)
Hmm! I am a patient learner and I hope I prove to be an even more patient teacher. I try to teach what I learn but just as I am not completely ready to absorb it all, I must recognize that most of my students in my up and coming yoga classes will not be ready to absorb what I am teaching. Nor do I expect them to.
Nor do I expect that I will even attempt to teach much beyond the Hatha component. That's enough. It is a wonderful start. Purity of the mind is not possible without purity of the body in which it functions, and by which it is affected. So preference is given in Yoga philosophy to the mobilization of the body and the control of the vital breath. (page 13). This is what Hatha yoga is all about.
I am hoping my body will allow me to do this. I really do. But if I can learn to control the body with a mind free of mental modifications. anything is possible for me and for my students. Yoga, after all, aims to remove the root-cause of all diseases. (page 18)
It is all good.
Swami Vishnu-devananda (1988) The Complete Illustrated Book of Yoga. New York: Three Rivers Press
-Swami Vishnu-devananda
I am not sure what to write about today. The learning that lay on the proverbial desk in front of me is heavy and full. It is like one of those big nursing text books I had to lug around in the day...one that seemed impossible to carry...let alone read or understand enough to be tested on.
I have the knowledge and the learning gained from so many sources and teachers (including my own self inquiry). It just has not completely sunk in yet to make it something I practice in every moment. I want this learning to become so much a part of me, I exhale it with every breath. Realistic? I don't know.
I am encouraged by Swami Vishnu-devananda's words in The Complete Illustrated Book of Yoga (which happens to be a must-read in most yoga teacher training.) : Yoga philosophy and its teachers...ask the student to be patient and many things that appear vague at first will become clear as he progresses. (page 6) It will sink in eventually. :)
Hmm! I am a patient learner and I hope I prove to be an even more patient teacher. I try to teach what I learn but just as I am not completely ready to absorb it all, I must recognize that most of my students in my up and coming yoga classes will not be ready to absorb what I am teaching. Nor do I expect them to.
Nor do I expect that I will even attempt to teach much beyond the Hatha component. That's enough. It is a wonderful start. Purity of the mind is not possible without purity of the body in which it functions, and by which it is affected. So preference is given in Yoga philosophy to the mobilization of the body and the control of the vital breath. (page 13). This is what Hatha yoga is all about.
I am hoping my body will allow me to do this. I really do. But if I can learn to control the body with a mind free of mental modifications. anything is possible for me and for my students. Yoga, after all, aims to remove the root-cause of all diseases. (page 18)
It is all good.
Swami Vishnu-devananda (1988) The Complete Illustrated Book of Yoga. New York: Three Rivers Press
Sunday, June 2, 2019
Where the Pendulum is Still
Everything has its yin and yang. The way is the place in which these forces balance quietly. And indeed unless you go out of the Way, they will tend to stay in peaceful harmony.
-Michael Singer, the untethered soul, page 167
I love this description of the Tao. Seeing it as the place where the pendulum is still and centered makes sense to me. The Way, is the in between...the harmony, the balance between extremes. Without force on either of the opposing sides, the pendulum does not move. Without effort, force, struggle or resistance the pendulum stays centered and still. It is the natural state, the way it is meant to be. There is no need for effort or action or force of any kind to be in the Tao. It is only when the pendulum is pushed...when we go out of our way to exert energy that we begin to go back and forth between extremes. We lose the Way. We lose the Breath of Vacancy (Verse 42)
What is the Way Between?
It is between our ideas of "good" or "bad", "right" or wrong", "Ugly" or "beautiful", "sadness" and joy. We are meant to be still, calm, centered and at peace. Equanimity offers us that centered-ness. We are meant to be in between these ideas...accepting all. When we are in the Way, we are not leaning towards one side or the other...not seeing the need to grasp and cling or the need to push away or resist anything Life offers us.
Away from Center
When we discriminate, judge and label with our minds, as we tend to do...we have a tendency to cause conflict within ourselves and within our world. We become "stressed". We get the pendulum swinging back and forth and we slip out of the Way...getting lost in its rocking motion, in the mind activity. We come to believe that motion is our reality and no longer connect with the reality of stillness. The further that one goes out (from himself), the less he knows. We become unbalanced.
Movement Out and Movement In
In the video linked below, Eckhart Tolle describes the universe as having two purposes in a way that can be linked to Singer's Pendulum example. He says the universe has outgoing movement with the purpose of it becoming and doing. As manifestations of the Universe, we will have this need within us to create, to act, to do...so we leave something of value behind. The pendulum swings out and away from its center.
We also have this ingoing movement where we are compelled to draw back to the center, away from doing and back into Being, into stillness, and into the present moment. If we must swing away from the center, we don't want to swing too far. Even going back and forth from doing to being requires momentum.
Beginning and Ending in the Center
The Tao, I believe, exists in between being and doing. In order to feel harmony and at peace we need to find that sweet spot between action and non-action, between doing and Being, between Heaven and Earth. We are not of this world but we are in it. We, therefore, cannot retreat from Life all together nor can we retreat from the quiet stillness all together. It is from the center that we move and not from outside forces that push us in either direction. Once we are in the Way, in the center where the pendulum does not move, we act from there when we need to and we retreat back into stillness when we need to...but we do all in the Way. The Way will always bring us back to center.
It is a pretty cool way of looking at it, don't you think?
James Legge (1895) Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching. https://www.sacred-texts.com/tao/taote.htm
Michael Singer (2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger
Eckhart Tolle (2019) What is the Divine Purpose of the Universe? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skFQck_gWT8
-Michael Singer, the untethered soul, page 167
I love this description of the Tao. Seeing it as the place where the pendulum is still and centered makes sense to me. The Way, is the in between...the harmony, the balance between extremes. Without force on either of the opposing sides, the pendulum does not move. Without effort, force, struggle or resistance the pendulum stays centered and still. It is the natural state, the way it is meant to be. There is no need for effort or action or force of any kind to be in the Tao. It is only when the pendulum is pushed...when we go out of our way to exert energy that we begin to go back and forth between extremes. We lose the Way. We lose the Breath of Vacancy (Verse 42)
What is the Way Between?
It is between our ideas of "good" or "bad", "right" or wrong", "Ugly" or "beautiful", "sadness" and joy. We are meant to be still, calm, centered and at peace. Equanimity offers us that centered-ness. We are meant to be in between these ideas...accepting all. When we are in the Way, we are not leaning towards one side or the other...not seeing the need to grasp and cling or the need to push away or resist anything Life offers us.
Away from Center
When we discriminate, judge and label with our minds, as we tend to do...we have a tendency to cause conflict within ourselves and within our world. We become "stressed". We get the pendulum swinging back and forth and we slip out of the Way...getting lost in its rocking motion, in the mind activity. We come to believe that motion is our reality and no longer connect with the reality of stillness. The further that one goes out (from himself), the less he knows. We become unbalanced.
Movement Out and Movement In
In the video linked below, Eckhart Tolle describes the universe as having two purposes in a way that can be linked to Singer's Pendulum example. He says the universe has outgoing movement with the purpose of it becoming and doing. As manifestations of the Universe, we will have this need within us to create, to act, to do...so we leave something of value behind. The pendulum swings out and away from its center.
We also have this ingoing movement where we are compelled to draw back to the center, away from doing and back into Being, into stillness, and into the present moment. If we must swing away from the center, we don't want to swing too far. Even going back and forth from doing to being requires momentum.
Beginning and Ending in the Center
The Tao, I believe, exists in between being and doing. In order to feel harmony and at peace we need to find that sweet spot between action and non-action, between doing and Being, between Heaven and Earth. We are not of this world but we are in it. We, therefore, cannot retreat from Life all together nor can we retreat from the quiet stillness all together. It is from the center that we move and not from outside forces that push us in either direction. Once we are in the Way, in the center where the pendulum does not move, we act from there when we need to and we retreat back into stillness when we need to...but we do all in the Way. The Way will always bring us back to center.
It is a pretty cool way of looking at it, don't you think?
James Legge (1895) Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching. https://www.sacred-texts.com/tao/taote.htm
Michael Singer (2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger
Eckhart Tolle (2019) What is the Divine Purpose of the Universe? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skFQck_gWT8
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