Missing Something

Not only does time flow unhindered, but correspondingly our lives too keep moving onward all the time.  If something goes wrong, we cannot turn back time and try again.
-Dalai Lama

Missing Certain Things

I miss certain things that once filled my life with purpose, connection, meaning and a bit of drama. Does that mean I miss the 'doing'? Does that mean I miss the drama?  Does that mean I miss ego being in charge lol?  I don't know.  Maybe part of me does.

Just one reminder today...it being the final day of the year for this thing I miss... left me feeling very sad.  Ego jumped out of the closet I had it stuffed in and started trying to stir up drama, including some self pity and a sense of grievance. Man...it doesn't take long, in the non-evolved mind, for ego to take the reins, does it? 

I have been supressing and repressing grief over a perceived loss because I just had too many other bigger things to deal with.  Until I  acknowledge it, make space for it and eventually  release this grief I will be filled with tender spots that easily get jabbed and poked.

The Nature of Things

I have to acknowledge and accept that I  miss and it is okay to miss something.  Then I have to step back clearly and look  at the nature of "things".  Things come and go into our lives and non of them are permanent.  They will go just as quickly as they will come.  And it is all okay. 

Part of Who We Are?

If a 'thing', a job, some sense of achievement, some recognition,  a feeling of belonging, or relationships enter our lives when we are very unconscious ( dominated by our ego/monkey minds) we may get attached to those things  and see them as a part of us...we may not be so willing to simply let them pass through. They too often become like  Band-Aids, covering our wounds of "less than" and "unworthiness" so we feel better about ourselves.   Or at least we think we look better when all yucky draining things are hidden away. As it was in my case.

We cling to them so much, to hide our perceived imperfections  and brokenness, that they  grow into the skin we wear and mistakenly we assume they are a part of us.  When they are taken off... either by slow deliberate choice or pulled off roughly by someone or something else...it  stings.  In fact, it can even hurt like hell. We feel like a part of us has been stripped away with the Band-Aid.

Grief

We then may become identified with that pain. We hold onto it and nurture it just so we don't have to deal with its outcries. And if one pokes at the now open and tender  wound where the pain sits  before mind is healed...it hurts.  Past impressions, feelings, connections gets stirred up. We focus on "loss" and miss what we have lost. We feel less than because we have lost.  We may feel cheated. A whole gamete of emotions may come to the surface. this is what happened in my case.

That is okay.  This is just grief and grief will pass if we allow it to just flow through us.

Though the thing I lost is not "a living breathing loved one"...it was something I identified as a part of me. So I do feel grief. In stead of allowing it to just be and to pass through...I have somehow resisted grieving the loss of this thing and when I am reminded of it, I still feel the sting. It is still within me.

I am still lost in some form of identification with this thing that is no longer a part of my life...or at least my ego is.  And ego wants me to get lost in the pain of losing it again and again, instead of healing.  It knows that healing is a healing of the mind.  And if the mind heals...ego will no longer be able to survive....because ego is just an entity our minds have made up.

 So it likes when the old unhealed wounds get poked. It likes it when I don't allow the grieving and thus the healing to complete its cycle.

Hmmm!

A Lesson Here

It is all good. There is a lesson here. :)

When we feel this type of grief ....and I am not equating it to the loss of a loved one even though the grieving process is required in both...we need to just allow it to pass through us.  By all means grieve your losses...don't let them fester inside like untreated infections that constantly get poked stirring up pain.  Just grieve the loss of what you believed at one point was an important part of your life (even when you later realize it wasn't).  You need to release the emotional energy that came with the perception of loss. Grieve the loss.  Let it all pass through you.

And it will pass.  Even more important, if we commit to it, the mind will heal.  When the mind heals we will realize that we never really lost  anything that is truly important.  Who we really are has been untouched by the loss or the pain that followed. It just is.

At some point in our lives we will realize that we are okay with these things that come into our lives and we are okay without them.

Our lives keep moving onward all the time. There is no going back, only forward.

All is well.