-Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche from: Pema Chodron's How to Meditate pg 77
Feeling Restless?
I have been having the experience of an underlying "unpleasant" feeling over the last few days. It actually became subtly noticeable maybe a month ago...but because it seemed to be underneath a lot of other experiences both pleasant and unpleasant, as well as neutral...I didn't pay much heed to it. It, however, became more and more determined to be felt as the days went on ...and today I realize that that experience is "restlessness." I feel restless.
I am sure it is an experience many of you are familiar with, though you may have your own unique way of experiencing it. I feel restlessness as a tightness in my gut, shoulders and jaw as if energy is all bunched up against the doors there, waiting for them to open so it can run freely else where. I feel it in my hands that are constantly reaching, grasping, tapping or gesturing. I feel it in my limbs and notice that my knee is constantly bouncing and my foot is constantly moving when I sit. The body, as a whole, doesn't want to sit still and either does the mind. Meditation is challenging...focusing on one thing is challenging and my thoughts are all over the place. This is my experience of restlessness.
Pleasant, unpleasant or neutral?
Now it is not necessarily that restlessness in itself is "unpleasant" but there appears to be an energy motivating it, driving it that is perceived/ felt as dark and heavy, threatening...that is what I experience as unpleasant. My past memories of this feeling tell me there is something brewing that "I soon need to do"...something "I soon need to face" ..and/or "something I soon need to change". That something is usually judged as unpleasant???
What is Restlessness?
Well the word says it all, does it not? It is an experience of less rest. Actually I would describe it as the inability to settle and rest into the present moment because one anticipates the moment is about to change into something we may not be able to control. We are therefore preparing self for action.
What Motivates Restlessness?
I would often get this restless feeling on the verge of the resurfacing of a trauma memory, long ago supressed; or when there was something that my mind told me needed to get done and I had put off doing it long enough; or there was something in my life that wasn't healthy for me or others and I needed to face it and then make a change. So as the feeling becomes noticeable, I also recognize this underlying current of heavy energy and the "need" for action of some kind.
Sigh!!! There is a tad bit of "dread" with this experience of restlessness. If I described it as a weather pattern, I would describe it as a dark, heavy cloud cover, the air thick with a storm that is about to erupt.
A Reason For It
At the same time, I dread it...I know the storm needs to erupt. Past memory also tells me that I usually feel refreshed, cleansed and renewed after the down pour is over. Once I am somewhat prepared for the storm and I let go to it, I evolve a little more. The sense of restlessness comes with trying to make sure no damage is done when the storm hits. It is like a mental and physical preparation of being ready to run to the windows to shut them all at the first drop of rain or change in the wind. HMMM!
I am not sure yet what is motivating this energy and I know better to start digging in to dark closets with a fearful, reactive mind. I know if some awareness needs to resurface for me to look at it...it is best to wait until it comes to me.
Responding to Restlessness
The actions we may need to take in the meantime, in "response" to this restlessness :
- We need to be skillful ...and beneficial to self and others. We must make it a point not to react in a way that harms self or others.
- So we begin by stopping, as I have done, to recognize that it is restlessness that is coming to awareness. Because of the nature of restlessness, it is understandable maybe that at this point we cannot "sit with it" to deepen that awareness.
- We need to gently deny the tendency to want to avoid the feeling and where it is leading us. Don't run from the restlessness, as I often attempt to do, into numbing activities like consumption , busy work, unskilful action.(that which hurts self or others)
- We need to accept the restlessness and allow it, knowing it is here for a higher reason.
- We honor the feeling and embrace the feeling in the way it wants to be honored and embraced...with movement. We can move consciously , allowing the restlessness to move through those body doors it is trapped behind: mindful walking, running, dancing, yoga...maybe something like vinyasa that allows for flow and release, Tai Chi etc
- We do not force or demand the causative factors to come to the surface of our awareness. Just trust that they will come when it is time.
- We stay in this moment with the restlessness as it is.
- We breathe! That is so important. We continue to anchor to teh present moment with breath. Restless bodies need more fresh oxygen than those that are still.
- We respond to the message the restlessness is bringing us from a calm, clear mind...made that way by the above steps.
- We therefore send appreciation and kindness to the restlessness for taking us to this point of a new awareness.
- We trust that we will be cleansed and renewed by the experience. And from there led to the right action
All is well!
Tara Brach (2020 ) Healing Addiction: Deconditioning the Hungry Ghosts. https://www.tarabrach.com/healing-addiction/
Pema Chodron (2013) How to Meditate. Boulder: Sounds True
Plum Village ( January, 2019) Recognizing Feelings/ Sr. Tu Nghiem. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTaXeLpjsg8
Plum Village (July, 2020) The Noble Eight Fold Path # 4-The Practice of Right Action/ Br. Phap Hai https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noIrt9UklQ0
Eckhart Tolle (April, 2020 ) Confidence and the Source of True Satisfaction. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wD5BpD77-UM
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