Delivery

Delivery


I do not know what tomorrow will bring,
Maybe more of what today dropped at my door,
or something completely different,
will arrive in another brown unmarked box
or a bubble wrapped envelope with my name on it.
I can't control what it will be.

I spend so many moments,
searching through the items
Life has to offer,
displayed
on my mind's never weary screen,
picking and choosing
that which will make things easier,
better , safer,
more pleasurable for me and my loved ones,
while I quickly click  past the unwanted.
And though I kind of remember
what I ordered
as well as the promised dates of arrival,
and I  wait with predicted knowing,
I am often surprised
by what shows up.

When I hear the familiar beeping
of the delivery truck
as it backs into my drive,
I will run to the window
and not wanting to appear
too eager or too desperate,
will hide somewhat sheepishly
behind the curtain
as I peer out. 
 
From my veiled place,
I will strain to  hear
the kind but tense
voice of the parcel carrier
as he gently reassures my barking dogs
that all is well,
and the plop of  the parcel
as it unceremoniously
lands on my step.  

And  I will wait,
my heart beating excitedly
within my chest,
for him to drive away before
running to retrieve the package
that was left for me,
tearing it open as quick as I can....
anticipating, hoping...
but often ,
 surprised
by what I find  inside.

Sometimes I find
exactly what I ordered
beneath the scrunched up,
brown packing paper.
But more often  I find
something different staring up at me;
sometimes smaller or uglier,
sometimes prettier or more grand
than what I thought
I was ordering.
Sometimes it is in the wrong colour
or the wrong size,
not fitting my frame and image
in the way I need  it to.
Sometimes it is more spectacular
 than the images on the screen
could ever be.

And Sometimes...
what I ordered
never arrives
and I will spend many hours
dealing with on line merchants,
searching for reasons why,
to no avail.
I will grieve the loss
of that which I never knew
and promise myself that
I will be more careful,
more diligent
in deciding who and what
to order from
the next time.

Hmmm!
I do not know what tomorrow will bring
but...
maybe, just maybe
I do not need to be so choosy,
so diligent and controlling
in the ordering process.
Maybe I can Let go...just a bit
and Let Life do the clicking.


Maybe, just maybe,
instead of hiding  in the shadows
I can go out onto the step
when I hear the delivery truck
making its way to me.
I can hold out my hands
to receive the parcel 
the tired carrier is holding 
with a smile on my face;
I can even say thank you
and mean it
as I relieve him of his burden.

Maybe, just maybe,
I can remove the outer coverings
slowly and mindfully,
enjoying the sound of crinkling paper
and the pop and release of air
as I squeeze the bubble wrap
with my  fingers .

And maybe, just maybe,
what I find inside will be
exactly what I need,
regardless of colour or size,
regardless if it is different than
the images in my mind
I was ordering from
and regardless if the package  is empty
of the one thing I thought I needed.

Maybe, just maybe,
I can learn to trust that
Life delivers only 
what is best for all.

© Dale-Lyn (Pen) July 2020

Inspired by :

Tara Brach ( May 2020)) Embracing Uncertainty-Sheltering in Love-Part IX  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmGSCUb98Uw