"They Belong Not To You."

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
Kahlil Gibran...https://poets.org/poem/children-1

I have not had an elastic no-complaint reminder on my wrist for a week or so.  Today I was offered a choice of one of my daughter's bracelets she bought for herself. I was drawn to a simple bead bracelet with a tassle. 

Reminded By The Tassle: "No Mud; No Blossom"

The tassle, in Buddhism, is a reminder of the lotus and this mantra, "No mud: no blossom. "   This bracelet reminds me not only to monitor my thoughts and to do my best to change my complaint habit but it is a reminder of where I am going,  where I really, really want to be. No...not in the mud wrestling pit... but on the other side of the transformational doorway of perceived suffering. Hmmm!

Adjusting To a New Way of Seeing

I am realizing lately how strange that sounds to others and even to myself when I say it out loud.  It is like I am speaking about seeking something few seek knowingly yet I know it is something we all seek whether we know it or not. Confusing? Anyway, when I see how much my thinking has changed over the last little bit I get blown away by the transformation that has  already taken place in my thinking.

Grandmother?

For example, I was telling someone about how I was feeling about being a grandmother.  I was saying I have no personalized attachment to this beautiful baby girl. There is no "Me, My and Mine" attached to her in my mind. There is no "pride" or "glory", so to speak. And the word "grandmother" to me is just a word.  I am aware the  genes that form this body have been passed on to another generation and I find that amazing...you know.  I love watching my son and the baby's mother relate as a little family with such love, hope and excitement.  I love holding her and rocking her and singing to her (unlike my children...she cannot tell me to stop singing lol).  I think about the things I hope to be able to teach her and I look forward to getting to know her...to see what she will become .

Yet...I know she isn't "mine" . 

Even when I call her "My granddaughter" it doesn't feel right.  She isn't "mine" in any way, shape or form. She doesn't belong to anyone...not even her parents ( of course, I do not tell them that lol).  She belongs to Life.  She is a beautiful, new expression of Life, of God.  I can't put a" my" on that. So what the heck, does it mean to be a grandmother then?

I had told my son...that I will be a stable, dependable figure in  the background of her life...always ready to step up when I am  needed. I want to spend regular time with her...whatever they feel comfortable with, to love her, and to help out in anyway I can....but I am not demanding anything because of this "role".  I will not be in their faces while they adjust to this new life as a family and I am not going to assert that "my rights" as a grandmother get met.  What "rights?"

Strange Perspective?

As I was trying to explain that to someone yesterday....I noticed the polite pauses and confusion in their response.  There was  a   brief  moment of fear in their reply that I might be  so depressed I was depersonalizing etc. I also noticed that it sounded so strange to me, in that part of my mind where the "conditioning" still reins.  I thought, "Oh My God...what is wrong with me? I shouldn't be thinking like this. "

Then I had to remind myself...I am not the same person I was ten, or even five, years ago.  I no longer  look out upon the world in the way I am socially expected to. I have let go of so much of my need for attachment to others and things.  I guess I am different in my thinking and my Life goals.  I am therefore maybe not what people want and expect me to be. I don't quite fit in anymore, if I ever did.  And there are so few people around that would understand my new perspectives and ways of approaching relationships and life.  I will likely be the "odd ball hippy "Nana.  I can live with that.

As I look down at my wrist, I think to myself...yeah I can live with the way I see things now and maybe, I will be able to teach her a few things about how I see life. Maybe, I can teach her that it is okay to feel pain and emotion and that, in fact,  we can learn a great many things from suffering. At least, maybe, I can teach her how our thinking can impact our lives so she learns to go 21 days without complaining with ease.  Hmmm!

We will have to wait and see what Life has in store for us.

All is well.