Hafiz- https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/7892436-how-did-the-rose-ever-open-its-heart-and-give
I heard this lovely quote today when I was listening to Tara Brach talk about fear. I thought it was so beautiful I looked it up and copied it. My bad, I suppose for stealing her quotation idea but atlas...beautiful words, like art, are meant to be shared, are they not?
The Cocoon
Right now...I am looking for the "Encouragement of Light" to guide me further in my journey. The restless ness I wrote about yesterday was pointing a finger at my way of living right now. On honest reflection, I realize I am "enduring"...I am trying to subdue and supress a fear of what will happen next, what will be taken from me next, who will hurt me next and seeking to control the outward experiences that may create more fear inducing situations, by isolating myself more and more inside this little cocoon I built lol.
Don't get me wrong...it is a lovely, comforting little cocoon. I wake up every morning to the people I love and the solitude and rush free moments I cherish. On top of that I am surrounded by trees and wildlife. I also get to greet and care for seven furry creatures all at once (my childhood dream [and my parents' nightmare ' lol...I was always bringing home strays] lived). And I embrace my meditation and my soul learning with a passion unlike anything else I ever have. I come here and the words just come, followed by the learning and it is like cleansing water coming from a mountain spring. I am so, so appreciative of this cocoon experience.
On the Edge of the Comfort Zone
Yet, the restlessness comes to walk me, move me, to the edge of my comfort zone and as Tara Brach describes it, the "You are about to grow" alarms go off. They frighten me and I have this intense desire to retreat back, again and again.
I see it as being at the fringe of another very big growth spurt and I am afraid...because it means facing the uncomfortable, things I cannot control, taking a risk of other things happening, more things being taken away and others possibly judging me, rejecting me or hurting me because of it. It also means facing my past pain. Hmmm!
It would be so easy to stay here, draw the curtains around myself. It would be much easier to convince myself that I really do not want or need wings...they only have superficial aesthetic value and I am beyond all that lol than it would be to go to the edge of this comfort zone, shake the gook off these things I have been given and jump. As soon as I get to the edge fear asks ..."What if they don't work...what if you can't fly? What if there is nothing more than this out there or worse? Can you handle more pain? "
So what I am looking for is a certain light to encourage me....a reason for jumping. I know this pull to wake up is stronger than anything I have ever felt...so I will go in that direction. I have no choice. It would be easier, however, if I felt like Life was supporting me, not punishing me. I do know that is irrational but fear has a way of collecting past evidence and convincing us otherwise. I have had enough circumstantial evidence over the last 50 years to convince me that the best option is to just learn to "suck it up, buttercup....and protect yourself accordingly."
As long as we see ourselves bound by these body lines...we are going to feel fear and as long as we see fear as a destructive and powerful thing...the more we will attempt to avoid it.)
The Impersonal Nature of Fear
Yet I am not separate am I? You are not separate, are you? And my fear is your fear because fear is not, as Tara Brach teaches, personal. Fear is just fear, "the fear" shared by humanity.
Hmm...so though it feels uncomfortable standing on this edge and looking down into the darkness. it is okay. The light I am seeking is inside me, as is the light inside you. We can do this. Heck that is what we are here for...is it not?
I am not sure what I am here to do but wake up...And I guess that means writing and sharing my learning which may offer a bit...just a speckle of light to someone else...and by doing that, my own light grows to encourage me to take the leap. Hmmm!
Still don't know what that is going to look like or feel like lol and I guess I do not need to know. It is okay to feel afraid. I can take that fear with me as I jump. Then I just need to flap my wings and glide when I hit that flow of breeze that will take me to where I am meant to be....to that beautiful open rose, maybe.
(Oh my...I feel another poem coming lol)
All is well.
Tara Brach (Feb, 2020 ) Tara Brach on Facing Fear (Part 1)-Awakening Your Fearless Heart. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B78qfuQ8kVE
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