The Brilliant Mind Versus The Personal Mind

 You actually think that the Universe should be the way you want it to be.

Michael A. Singer, page 75

The mind is a brilliant thing and when we use it correctly we can live brilliant lives.  The problem is that we tend to "personalize" this brilliance and thusly misuse its potentional.

The Personal Mind

There are three layers of the personal mind according to Michael Singer in Chapter 15 of living untethered. There is, what he calls, the here-and now layer: That part of the mind that is taking in all the experiences that are unfolding around us and in us in this given moment via the senses. There is the samskara layer: A layer of mind that has stored all our impressions, that which we clung to or tried to push away. And there is the personal-thought layer that is constantly trying to keep those samskaras under control so they don't come up to bother us and in so doing is also policing the here and now layer so it it doesn't trigger the samskaras.  I see the top layer of our consciousness as being the here-and now layer, the bottom layer of our consciousness (our deep subconscious, maybe) as being our samskara layer and the personal-thought layer as being in the middle.  Most of energy is spent in the middle layer trying to "control" what comes in and what comes up. The problem with that is:

If we use our mind's brilliance to develop thought patterns based on how everything and everyone needs to be for us to feel okay, we have limited our lives to serving our samskaras. Michael Singer, page 75

It is exhausting, totally a waste of time and more than a little cra-cra to spend all that energy serving  our samskaras, attempting to make a world that is simply doing what it has been doing for billions of years  work the way we think it should, just so we are constantly comfortable inside. Don't you think? We miss out on  fully expereincing the here and now when we do that.  What we need to do is dig down to the samskara layer and release those impressions once and for all. Of course, that won't be pleasant...if they were stuffed with pain they will be released with pain...but...think of the freedom we will feel in the long run.  We will have all that brilliant mind energy free to do what it is meant to do: process this wonderful Life as it is so we can expereince it  not as a controller of it ( which we could never be anyway) but a joyous  participant and observer of what is.  

How cool is that?

Hmmm! Well that is something to think about .

Michael A. Singer ( 2022) living untethered. (Chapter 15: The Brilliant Human Mind). New Harbinger/ Sounds True

Self- Realized Video or an EgoMotived One?

 

The state of  Self -realization, as we call it, is not attaining something new or reaching some goal which is far away, but simply being that which you always are and which you always have been. 

Ramana Maharshi, Be As You Are

I felt compelled to do a video yesterday...really pulled to the studio with my camera.  Then after I completed it...felt the pull to make it public.  Once it was up I wondered: Was that Redeemer ego that wanted it up there or higher Self? Then when I realized how imperfect it was I pulled it down and then I wondered: Was that shamer ego or higher Self? Man...I am always questioning from where my motivations are coming.

For now it is is "unlisted" and I am not sure if it is at the direction of my silly little "me" wanting to be seen and afraid to be seen and judged at the same time...that it is so  or the higher , wiser me. Will I ever know?  If we are still afraid to put our Selves out there  to be judged...then we are still lost in this idea that there is something about this "me" that is worth clinging to, worth defending. We are still clinginging to a concept. We are yet to be fully realized if that is the case,  aren't we?  All in the learning.

All is well. 

Weak Spots

 Eventually, you will come to realize that it is not the job, the spouse or the car that gets old-its listening to the mess in your mind that gets old. While all these patterns from the past get blocked in your mind [samskaras], you in there can neither experience the miracle of life unfolding before you, nor can you experience the natural beauty within you. Your awareness is completely distracted by those stored mental patterns, and you must devote your days and nights to serving them. You can no longer experience reality- you are stuck experiencing yourself. 

Michael A Singer, living untethered, page 71 ( New Harbinger/Sounds True, 2022)

I want the people around me to be happy and well! I feel so powerless when I cannot help them to feel better. Sigh! How can I help ease the suffering of others who are so blinded by this idea and belief that it is the "out there" that is hurting them; who are still so distracted by their samskaras that they cannot see that truth and feel instead that life is hitting them unfairly...when I have yet to fully acknowledge my own weak spots and to  let go of my own blockages? 

Hmm! All I can do is continue to work on myself, I guess...continue to open and release and maybe someday I will be able to lead by example. 

The truth of life is not hitting your weak spots, you are projecting your weak spots onto life. 

Michael Singer, page 70

All is well!

The Highest State

 The,  highest state is to be comfortable learning and growing from life's experiences. ....That is what acceptance is: nonresistance. It is having the commitment to fully allow reality to pass directly into the higher part of your being. In the end, all you are surrendering is your resistance to reality. You learn to let it come in, even if it is not comfortable as it pours into you. 

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 64-65 (New Harbinger/ Sounds True, 2022)

I am sitting here alone in the dark with nothing but the early  light from the windows around me shining in. It is so beautiful out there. The light is filtering through bare branches offering a warm golden hue to a frozen world.  I opened up the door for my pets earlier  to breathe in a crisp refreshing air that felt clean and alive to my recovering lungs. And there was not a sound other than the crunching of snow as my dogs ran across it. Sigh! Winter mornings can be so beautiful, so peaceful. 

I awoke early from what seemed like endless sleep. Man, have I been sleeping with this bug. Falling asleep everywhere. It is such a nice healing sleep for body and mind. Will be doing a practice in a few hours for a friend who is home to visit. I am looking  forward to it and hope my body is too after all that sleep. :) 

Let's look at the quote above. These are some mighty potent words and concepts to describe what freedom entails at the experiential level: acceptance through nonresistance. How many of us are comfortable with all that unfolds in front of us, comfortable enough to allow it all in without clinging or aversion...so it can pass right through us? How many of us welcome all the challenges, so called "hardships", losses and set backs that pass before us into our hearts just as quickly as we welcome the so called "good times", and "blessings", and pleasant experiences? I know I still struggle to do that even though it is something I am committed to mastering. 

I am going to share my sankalpa with you. A sankalpa, you may remember from previous entries, is a statement or mantra...a wish written/spoken in present tense that we wish to achieve or adhere to. It is often spoken like a mantra during certain meditation or yogic practices like Yoga Nidra, for example. 

My heart is opening; my heart is releasing.  My heart is healing; my heart is expanding. 

I want to keep my heart opened to all experiences, "The good, the bad and the ugly!" I don't want to close it for anything. I want my heart to release all stored samskaras, impressions, emotional energies that are blocking me so the Shakti can move.  I want to heal what seemed to be broken on the physical level but was never broken on the deeper level through this release of blocked energies. And most importantly, I want my heart to expand  and grow in love, and joy and service  so other beings on this planet benefit from it and from this life I erroneously call my own. I want this highest state Michael Singer writes about in his books.

What about you?

In order for that to happen, we need to stop resisting what is unfolding in front of us, stop labelling it as "bad, wrong, shouldn't be!" when it is uncomfortable. We need to learn to,  or at least be willing to, open our hearts so it all can come in! It will blow right through like a breeze of refreshing winter air if we let it! We have to let it!

All is well in my world. 

An Idea of Christmas

 My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others.  Come to think of it, why do we have to wait until Christmas to do that?

Bob Hope

It has been a few days since I wrote here. Christmas, sick loved ones, the need to provide care so others could get the care they needed, and getting swept away by the momentum of an intention gone wrong ( our commercialized and  much too busy version of Christmas) ...has left me with little room to just sit and breathe. As a result, my body was unable to defend itself in its naturally inherent way against the bugs flying around.  Other than the hour I spent visiting my daughter yesterday...I slept for almost 20 hours straight. Sigh!  I long for my hatha/pranayama practice and to be able to assist others who also need a post Christmas recovery  practice but fear my body will not let me. Still not 100%. 

I did it again.  I allowed my clenched jawed, tight fisted, and tensed up self to get swept away by something that makes absolutely no sense to me anymore.  Every year it makes less and less sense yet I participate in consumerism, materialism, adding unnecessary burdens to our planet, and a busyness that totally contradicts the quiet stillness of "Silent Night". I tell myself and others on Boxing Day every year..."Okay next year is going to be different!" ...only to find myself caught up in the current again and again when the season rolls around, doing the same thing I did the year before. 

I am not a grinch.  I love to celebrate Christ's presence on earth. I love to celebrate love and getting together and giving and compassion. I love "peace on earth and good will to men!" Making up a day to focus on doing that is okay with me. I just don't like what our culture has done with all that...how it got all twisted around so there is so little peace .  You know? 

Anyway, all in the learning.  I do hope you were able to find some peace and joy  this season and will continue to discover that peace and joy within yourself in the year ahead.

Merry Christmas! 

No Expectations

 Living without expectations doesn't mean you are denying your desires.  It just means that you are open to all outcomes.

Unknown

Have a wonderful day!

Clear Mind

 When the mind is clear, everything comes in that way.

Michael A Singer, living untethered, page 61 (New Harbinger/Sounds True, 2022)

I am asking today...not that things "out there" are pleasant and just the way I like them to be... but that my mind is clear. With clear mind, clear heart...no expectations, just a willingness to accept whatever unfolds, embracing the learning in it...is how we would best serve our days.  

Hope you have a very clear mind today so everything comes in clear before it passes right through :)

All is well.

All in the Learning!

 There are no problems; just learning experiences. No matter what happens, you are becoming greater. 

Michael Singer, living untethered, page 56

In line with what we were talking about, I had another experience yesterday that reinforces the need to respond with neutrality to our circumstances. Instead of being ego and little me enhancing, my day was very humbling and little me  deflating. Things did not go the way I would have liked them to...the way my puffed up ego expected them to.  I was met with challenge after challenge. . My mind and body were not skilled enough to handle these circumstances in an effective way.  It was obvious to those around me. As I reflect now, it was like a scene out of a funny movie about teaching.  As a result, I had to listen to ego whining and cringing in embarrassment and shame all day. "I should be able to manage this situation.  What is wrong with "me"? I must prove to others that I can do this! I must save face! " It became too much  about "me" and what "me" wanted and didn't want...liked or didn't like; how this "me" appeared to others . That is was the only thing that was problematic.  At the end of the day I was so exhausted from listening to little me...I forgot "why" I was doing what I was doing, forgot about my commitment to do what I could to get rid of the "me". Me was too busy resisting the "isness" of my situation, judging it as bad, wrong and shouldn't be simply because t felt uncomfortable.

I later found myself awake at 330 in the morning wondering, "What can I learn from this both on a practical level and on a deeper level?" On a practical level I can speak to those more skilled in this area, ask for direction and advice, reflect on what worked and didn't work etc.  Now I do this every day I work.  I am such a committed  experiential learner. I truly do reflect on and  learn from my mistakes. On the deeper level, I am taken to what we were talking about: I must not invest in "me" and its likes and dislikes into my experiences. I must approach things with neutrality..  This level is much more important than the practical level.  If I master the learning here, the learning elsewhere will come naturally or will lack significance. 

We must remember that personal mind is strengthened , not diminished, when we pay attention to more objects than others based on the comfort level they trigger within us. There really is no "bad" experiences just experiences that feel or vibrate differently within us. If we want them all to just pass through us without getting snagged in samskaras we just need to openly accept them, not from the perspective of a demented little me but from the higher Self. We look at every experience as a valuable learning experience that will help us to grow.

Sigh! So much learning for a mind that loves to learn. It is all good!

Experience

 Your consciousness actually expands because of the knowledge that flows into it. You are learning and growing through the experiences you are having. 

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 55

All is well

Being That Which You Always Were

 The state of Self-realization, as we call it, is not attaining something new or reaching some goal which is far away, but simply being that which you always are and which you always have been. All that is needed is that you give up your realization of the not-true as true. 

Sri Ramana Maharshi

These teachings, which are found in a variety of different texts and expressed in a variety of different ways are so simple, yet so complicated at the same time! They are complicated because they are so simple. Our concept addicted minds tend to  want to analyze them to death...and the thing about Self-realization is that it goes beyond the need for words. It really can't be described nor can it be understood conceptually.  It is not about striving and doing anything.  It is all about letting go of something we have been erroneously clinging to and falling back into what is.  We can meditate for 8 hours a day and practice every religious ritual out there at every given moment...but if we continue to hold onto our concepts, our ideas that we are these bodies and personalities and that everything else in the world is separate from us...we will never become Self-realized. The idea of "me" has got to go! This idea we have of being a "me" is not true.  Until we let go of that, we will never realize who we always are and have always been. 

Hmm! Now that is something to think about.

All is well.

David Godman (Editor) ( 1989) Be As You Are: The Teachings of Ramana Maharshi. Penguin (Kindle Edition)

Not Reacting to the Positive!

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90 % how you react to it.

Charles R. Swindoll

Snowing again.  Winter is here to stay :).  As she should be.  

Had an experience , yesterday, that I am reflecting on.  In a nutshell, I had a wonderful day and it was partly that way because my ego kept getting stroked.  I am realizing, once again, that non reactivity goes both ways. 

First of all...I started the day like I do must everyday, with the intention to be  open.  I could almost feel my body vibrating with something.  At first I thought it was just a bit of nerves and what not brought on by not sleeping enough the night before and about approaching another "new" situation, not knowing what to expect. Then...out of nowhere, I felt that peace inside me emerge.  I was ready and willing to accept all that came my way and was experiencing a bit of peace and, at the same time, excitement wondering how it was all going to unfold. It started out a little chaotic but I found some joy  in  the not-knowing, in the open willingness to allow all that was, be as it is...brewing within. Then things just seemed to slip into place without me doing anything...people kept coming to me in a very friendly way, offering kindness,  help and support just when I needed it.  They seemed to "like" something about "me" for no reason.  So amongst all that good feeling from within...the "me" was being warmed and watered by outside influence.  It started to become about "me".  I heard myself saying, "Oh this "me" must be doing a good job...this "me" must be likable and worthy of esteem."

I caught myself. I suddenly realized what I was doing.  I was allowing myself  to react to positive outside influences.  "Me" was liking it all, a little too much. I was enjoying the stroke of ego. I was preferring this and losing my way.  I was allowing the "me" to grow when what I truly want is the "me" to leave. Hmmm!

I caught myself  reacting to the outside world...caught up in it, allowing it to define when and how my heart should open.  What I felt when I started my day...what brought these positive experiences to me in the first place...had little to do with ego.  It was what Singer would call "Shakti".  As I intended, this energy was finding its way through me. I was not standing in its way  but it was influencing how the little  "I" approached this gift of day I was given. Because things were going so well...I found myself  rejoicing in it, preferring  the experience over others, wanting more of the same. I...meaning the lower part of my consciousness, the part I call "me" ...was growing and growing from this feeding and I knew if I didn't stop it, it would get to the point that it would be dropping a large shadow over what was really important. Allowing the  "me" to grow creates a huge barrier over the true Self. It really does. 

At this point in my life, I do not want to make "me" and this barrier any bigger...I want to diminish it. I need to keep reminding myself of that fact. 

What I choose to do cannot be based on any "me-ness" .  It has to be about something greater...and the reason why things turned out so well is that when I started the morning, it was all about this something bigger. My intention was to keep an open heart and to leave the "me' at home. "Me" wasn't in the way...at first. Well it got called back in by the positive strokes in my direction.  It was fed and it would have grown to a tremendous size if I didn't realize the error of my ways. But I did.

I reminded myself of the following: What I want is to be unaffected by whatever happens around me...never reacting to the negative, never reacting to the positive....never grasping or clinging, never pushing away or closing down to any of it! Allowing all to be exactly as it is! 

Reacting to the positive is just as destructive to our Self-realization as is reacting to the negative.

Hmm! Something to think about 

All is well!

Sat-Chit-Ananda & One Pointed Consciousness

 When Self focuses one-pointedly on a single object, one experiences the nature of Self- total peace, and overwhelming bliss. This is available to us anytime if we can just learn to enter the undistracted state of one pointed consciousness. 

Michael A. Singer, living untethered ( New Harbinger/ Sounds True, 2022), page 54

Real Self

 ...the real Self or real "I" is, contrary to perceptual experience, not an experience of individuality but a non-personal, all-inclusive awareness.  It is not to be confused with the individual self which.... [is] essentially non-existent, being a fabrication of the mind which obscures the true experience of the real Self. ...the real Self is always present and always experienced but...one is only consciously aware of it as it really is when the self limiting tendencies of the mind have ceased.

from Be As You Are: The Teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi ( David Goldman, Penguin, Kindle Edition)

The Miraculous Mind

 Your consciousness has the ability to be aware of things that machines can't detect: thoughts and emotions. These objects of consciousness surely exist, but not in what we define as the "physical" world.  Our scientists have shown us that the whole universe comes down to energy.  Thoughts and emotions are simply energy vibrations at such high rates that machines can't detect them. 

Michael A. Singer, 49

Hmm! Most of us are conditioned to believe that the physical world is everything.  In order for something to be real it has to prove itself physically there, according to tests used to measure such things.  If it doesn't show up on a scientific test...it isn't real , right?

We all know that thoughts and feelings are real.  We "feel" them and live in them.  Yet there are no tests a scientist can use to prove their reality... no specific measurement of their physicality...or...no part of the body that can be dissected and placed under a microscope to prove their existence within us. So how do we know they are real?  What part of us is aware of the reality of thoughts and emotions?  Singer explains that the consciousness knows, and is aware of thoughts and feelings. 

Consciousness

What is consciousness, according to scientists, then?  Well that just happens to be one of the biggest controversies  and dividing points in the scientific community right now. There is no way to prove or pinpoint consciousness in physical terms. So many scientists say that because it cannot be proven physically real by scientific means , it doesn't exist. Hmm! Yet these same scientists think and feel everyday and are aware of the fact they think and feel.  What part of them is aware? Something is aware of that...that something is consciousness. 

Energy?

Scientists will definitely tell us that everything is energy...all matter is energy...a copulation of  fast moving electrons in atoms that make up the molecules that form matter. So if everything is energy...thoughts and emotions...consciousness itself...has to be energy, doesn't it?

Singer goes on to say that the reason we cannot yet measure our thoughts and feelings scientifically is because the energetic vibration they are at...the vibration consciousness is at...is just too quick to be measured by our very limited physical means. Yet! Someday scientists may be able to detect them, measure them, and validate their existence on the physical scale. 

The Miracle of Observing Our Own Minds

In the mean time...we have to know they are there.  We have to see that since scientists can't detect and measure them...maybe we have to be responsible for scientific observation of our own minds....each and everyone of us. 

You can think of mind as a very high vibration field of energy in which thoughts can be created. Mind is not your thoughts. Mind is the field of energy in which thoughts are capable of existing. Page 50

Beyond this thinking feeling creation of the mind is what the Buddhist calls "empty mind"...the background of clear blue spacious sky on which the clouds of thought and feeling are formed.  Meditation can help us to access that empty mind...to experience its stillness, its quiet and its peaceful energy first hand.

The Physical World

Singer goes on to explain that regardless of how still the mind is , the outside world world exists independent of it.  (Now this might contradict some of the teachings of Vedanta....just saying.) The energy of the physical world is denser and heavier than the energy of the mental one.  We can, however, be aware of both at the same time thanks to our consciousness. One of the functions of the mind is to let this outside world into our experience through the senses.  We are inside, the world is outside...yet because of these miraculous minds we can bring the outside world in.  The outside  is being reproduced in your mind page 52

The Miracle

The mind is really quite miraculous.  It may be formless but it creates amazing form for us to experience.

In truth, consciousness is the most profound miracle. An essence that knows that it knows. Everything else is something you're conscious of-the true magic of consciousness itself. When consciousness is simply experiencing reality as imagined in the mind, that is what we call being in the present moment...The real world is outside, it is being reflected in your mind, and you are aware of the image right in front of you.  In this very simple state, you are experiencing what you are meant to experience: the gift of the moment that has been given you.  Page 53 

So there is the experience and there is you as the experiencer...there is an object and there is you as the subject.  The amazing thing is that there does not have to be a distinction between the two.  The two can actually become one...and that is what the true essence of yoga is all about. This can be achieved through single pointed concentration.  When there is no distraction, no obstacle between the experience and you...you have allowed a merger between subject and object. page 54

How cool is that? 

All is well in my world.

Michael A. Singer (2022) living untethered, Chapter 11: Empty Mind. Boulder: New Harbinger/ Sounds True. 

The Character in the Palace

  The Character in the Palace

Pushing through the flimsy veil

 to grab at scattered pieces, 

strips of plaster, clumps of clay, 

paint of pretty colour, 

 busy hands and minds struggle 

to rearrange the wild and unpredictable  

 atoms  that circle "out there" 

into pleasing structures.

Solid  brick walls 

and sturdy glass fences are created 

to house the "me" 

inside its appealing and  safe palace.

Moats are made with eloquent words 

and fancy ideas,

while  accolades of recognition are chanted.

Latin words encased in black frames   

hang suspended from imaginary walls; 

and  possessions that glitter like gold ,

form draw bridges 

that will open to only that

which reflects the shine. 

It, the ruler of this kingdom, 

 grows , loud and demanding ,

within this well made 

and constantly renovated cage

we have created. 

Like an active and  boisterous toddler 

rejecting parental  attempts at discipline,

it stumbles, and tumbles  and grumbles  

as it moves around the parameter,

grasping and clinging 

to all that pleases it,

rejecting and pushing away, 

with its "defiant "nos",

all that makes it squirm. 

Never satisfied,

 its cries  of "Me" and "Mine." 

and "My" bounce off

the walls ,

 echoing like the twang of country lyrics

into the world that exists beyond.

And a world does exist beyond.

Past the pretty walls,

the angry moat

and through the see through fence

a world  ancient and wise,

perfect and chaotic

is waiting.

Beating with the smooth heartbeat 

of all that is and ever was,

it vibrates through cracks 

and the partially open windows 

mind has created.

Flowing in, flowing out, 

like wisps of refreshing air

that can cleanse, heal and sustain.

Yet this entity we are feeding,

 protected and admired 

amidst all its fairy tale creations,

refuses to breathe in that air 

and reaches up, 

with trembling  

and awkward hand,

 to close the shutter

again and again and again ,

until we are  smothering 

in our creation.

Daley-Lyn (December, 2022)

Quick attempt at sitting with what was coming out.  Far from perfect.  

All is well! 

"Thank You!"

 From now on, everywhere you look and everything you interact with, be sure to say "Thank you."...Can you appreciate the truth that you didn't do anything to deserve the trees, the oceans and the sky? You don't even know where you came from. You're just in there experiencing this amazing gift unfolding before you. 

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 44. ( New Harbinger/Sounds True, 2022)

Man, every word in this book seems to be quotable. I can't seem to help myself.  Please read the book for yourself. lol

All is well.

This is spirituality- coming in to harmony with reality, instead of your personal self.  Singer, pg. 44

The Awesomeness of Reality

We live in a world that is so perfect it should constantly blow our minds.  But we are so lost in making it all personal that we miss both the greatness of Science and the greatness of God. 

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 43. (New Harbinger/ Sounds True, 2022)

Hmm! Think about that for a minute.  This world is amazing and miraculous.  Yet how many of us actually take the time to notice how amazing it is, let alone appreciate it? We are too busy making it all about "me". 

 You live in a world where a seed falls on the ground, and it has a built-in chemist that knows how to break down the molecules of dirt and water, mix them with sunlight, and combine those substances into a cornstalk or tree. page 43

Mindfulness helps us to get beyond that "me" so we notice, allow, appreciate and experience all of this majesty exactly as it is.

Mindfulness is a natural, effortless process once you let go of personal distractions. Instead of thinking that the moment in front of you has to be a certain way, you start thinking that it's pretty awesome the way it is. In fact, it's amazing that it even exists.  page 44

All is well in my world

Extending and Expanding In Service

 

Keep up the good work! You will be rewarded.

From a Fortune Cookie I ate last evening!

My habit in the morning now is to reach for living untethered and to open it up to find a quote to write to.  I am really absorbing the book and by so doing it is oozing out of every pour of me like life giving nectar. I try to relate it to my own life and to the lives of others I know.  Yet, I question, with my attention on this book and my new adventure, if I am  opening to other avenues of learning...maybe.  I wonder if I am extending and expanding enough in my own learning, growing and in the service I am here to provide.

I mentioned that I was reading The Tibetan Book of the Dead. I got to a certain part of the book, basically the "prayers" for the dying and dead as they pass through the different levels, and my mind just stopped and said, "No! Too much!" Not because of any fear of death I may still be clinging to but because of the religious and cultural specifics in the rituals.  Not judging...but simply stating that my mind won't go there. Hmm! So I put the book aside for now. 

I also realize that I have not written in a long time, other than here.  I was teaching poetry in an English Lit class recently and I found myself missing that means of expression.  I do miss writing poetry. It is who "I" am. Yet there has been no time to just sit and let it come out of me. I have not gone back to my novel after the last rejection either...have not proceeded with other ideas I had. 

My photography is suffering as well.  I put some photobooks together yesterday for Christmas presents, as I usually do,  and the quality of the photos used were sub par. The amount of photos I had to choose from were limited. I have not been shooting and capturing the beautiful world and my grandchildren enough...the most photogenic creatures on Earth, as far as I am concerned lol.  I have not been practicing or dealing with my camera issues. It shows in the work I give as gifts. 

Hmm! I guess what I am saying , is that it is hard to "do" it all...to "be" it all.  For now the new little job undertaking is keeping my attention but I need to somehow add all avenues of my "beingness" to it, like my writing, yoga teaching  and photography. To find balance. I have finally reestablished the yoga teaching into my weekly schedule and am even beginning to teach meditation and mindfulness to people seeking my guidance. I want to extend what I offer to more by renting a hall for a community group once or twice a week, as well. I  will find a way to let all of it...this service I feel inclined to share...to flow from me. Hmm!  

All is well in my world.

What Is Surrender?

 You don't surrender the outside world-you totally accept it. What you surrender is your personal, made up judgement of it. 

Michael A. Singer, page 41

You get that? It is all about accepting what is, not denying it. We put away our "This is good or bad, right or wrong, should be and shouldn't be's" and we simply allow what is to be as it is, realizing it has very little to do with this mind made entity we call "me". 

The total acceptance of this truth is surrender. You must let go of the part of you that thinks it has a right to like and dislike the result of billions of years of interactions. Surrender is letting go of the part of you that is not living the truth. That is true surrender. 

Michael A. Singer, page 41

Michael A. Singer (2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/ Sounds True. 

Offended By Atoms?

 What is in front of you is simply the accumulation of mass amounts of atoms being pulled together by the laws of nature-it's all just science, nothing personal. Becoming personally offended by the flow of atoms as they pass by you is so illogical. 

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 28. ( New Harbinger/ Sounds True, 2022)

Next time you find yourself offended by something someone said or did, or something that is happening in your environment, try reminding yourself of the above. "Just a bunch of atoms. It is all just a bunch of atoms moving in front of me.  Its okay...nothing to do with me. They may move through this body via my senses...and that is okay too.  Just going to observe them, experience them and let em flow. Not going to grab or cling to any of it. Not going to push any of it away either. Definitely not going to be offended by it. Atoms, just atoms" 

All good with the test yesterday.  Just going to readjust the dosage on meds and be seen by cardiology once a year.  Wonderful news!

All is well!

An Amazing Thing To Realize

 One of the most amazing things you will ever realize is that the moment on front of you is not bothering you-you are bothering yourself about the moment in front of you. 

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 25 ( New Harbinger/Sounds True, 2022)

Foggy out there today.  The poor old earth doesn't quite know what to do yet with the changes forced upon her.  She is coughing and gagging through each season now  trying to readjust herself to the insults us two legged beings have thrown at her.  Dramatic, I know. I feel a bit dramatic today.  Very tired and a little concerned about the upcoming appointment.  May turn out to be absolutely nothing , like the eye issue and the other issues the body was/is expressing in the last little while. "Me" might be bothered by them but apparently there is no need for concern from the "experts". And who is "me", anyway? Nothing more than a sometimes whiney, complainy, dissatisfied little entity I created in my head?  I don't want to serve "me" anymore.  I just have to remind myself, I am not this body.  I am just in it.  Whatever is happening to it, is really nothing more than an object of consciousness that the Self is observing and experiencing.  That's all.

It is all good!

Not Personal

 ...your relationship to what is in front of you is always the same, whether you are looking at the ocean or at life. These moments are just what happens to be happening at the particular time and place in the universe where you happen to be standing. None of it is personal. 

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 25. ( New Harbinger/ Sounds True, 2022)

All is well

Untangling

 Spiritual awakening is about untangling consciousness from the objects of consciousness.

Michael A. Singer, page 23

Hmm! There are three major sources of  distraction according to Singer: The outside world, our thoughts and our feelings. Removing our attention from these distractions is a big part of the process. the moment 

Of course , most of us are focused on the outside world as it comes in through our senses, making it all more important and a part of us than it has to be. We personalize it as if it is all about "me" and how it affects this "me". 

Michael Singer reminds us:

The moment in front of you right now has nothing to do with you. Page 23

We need to untangle, untangle and untangle so we are free to experience what is really important.

All is well!

Michael A. Singer. ( 2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/ Sounds True

The Great State Within

There is a great state of peace within you that cannot be disturbed by the world, your thoughts or even your emotions. [When we awaken a bit...]These objects can freely exist, but they will no longer dominate your life. You will be free to fully interact in your life, but you will do so out of a sense of love and service, rather than fear or desire. 

Michael Singer, living untethered, page 18. ( New Harbinger/ Sounds True, 2022) 

It feels like spring out there and the light...man, a photographer's playground. We usually do not see that type of light in December so the contrast against a half frozen earth  is captivating.  Should get my cameras out but really need to put a couple of the recent shoots I did into Christmas gifts, to spend my time processing rather than shooting. Which is almost as fun as shooting.  :) All art , right? And art as I told a couple of others a few days ago can never be bad or a waste of time.  It is an "awesome representation of truth." The truth we express and represent is our truth...how our bodies and minds perceive and understand the world around us and in us. Sure we can create a clearer and more easily understood expression with training and practice and effort and skill or natural talent...but there is no "bad art" or "I can't do art.".  There is just art, potentially from 7 billion different view points of the one truth. So I am not " especially gifted" by any means...and I do lack training and skill but I am willing, I guess to share my awesome representation of truth :) I do that with each DNG I develop. My canvas is the computer and lightroom , my paint is the world I see and my paint brush is my camera. Hmm!

Anyway, I digress. Those beautiful words above inspire me.  I am seeking to get beyond fear and desire so I can live through a state of love and service.  What about you?

All is well. 

Playing the "Game of Life on Planet Earth"

 Notice your surroundings coming into your senses, your thoughts passing through your mind, and any emotions that arise in your heart creating feelings of comfort and discomfort within. These three inner experiences are the arena in which your consciousness plays the game of life on planet Earth. 

Michael Singer, living untethered, page 14. (New Harbinger/Sounds True; 2022)

Before I begin,  I am putting out a wish that I am not infringing on copyright by quoting Singer and the wise words I found in his book,  as often as I do. Of course, I am going to encourage all to buy the book.  It is amazing!.  But as you know, I love to share what I learn and I learn so much from his teachings, from this book, it would seem unjust not to share my interpretation of the message he felt compelled to put out there. So I know there is a 20 % rule when it comes to what amount of  material belonging to others that can be copied for non profit educational purposes, in Canada anyway. I am doing my best to stick to that.  Still, ethically, permission should be obtained from the author or publisher when quoting etc which I do not have. I have a feeling that Michael Singer would not mind but the publishers may. So my wish goes out there.

Anyway...Singer tells us that our experience of Life is internal, not external. There are three things we experience "inside" that determines the quality of  any life experience we have: our sensory perception of the outside world, our thoughts and our feelings.  If we are not "okay inside", we are likely having a problem with acceptance of  one of the above. 

What we have to remember is that we are not the outside world, or the thoughts or the feelings going on inside us.  We are in here simply observing it all. We have a problem with life when we judge and perceive, grasp, cling or push away any of it,  in order to feel good inside.  Some of the  stuff that comes in we view as pleasant and have a tendency to want to grasp and cling to those experiences;  some  is unpleasant and we have a tendency to want to avoid, ignore or push away ( or down) those experiences; and much of it is neutral, doesn't bother us a bit, just passes through. When we can observe it all without reaction, responding naturally to what unfolds around and in us...our insides will be a pleasant place to be.  When we react, however, judging what should come in and what shouldn't...we are not going to be okay inside.  It (outside world, thoughts and feelings) is all going to come in anyway but it won't pass through the way it should.  It will get stuck inside us making a chaotic mess. We will get so lost in the mess, we will forget that we are not the mess...we will forget who we really are...the ones that get to watch it all go down.

...what really matters is not the thoughts, the emotions, nor the outside world. what really matters is You in there, who is experiencing these things. How are you doing? What you will see is that you in there are higher than any experience you ever had. The one who is seeing all this is the most beautiful thing in the whole universe.  page 15

All is well

Michael A. Singer ( 2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/ Sounds True

.

The Deeper Sense of Self Within

 The reason why people have so much trouble with death is because they identify with their bodies. As if that is not enough they identify with their cars and houses. 

People project their sense of self onto things that are not their self. When they do that, they feel afraid to lose those things. As you work your way through your inner growth, you won't identify with these outer objects anymore. You'll identify with the deeper sense of self within. 

Michael Singer, living untethered, page 11(New Harbinger/Sounds True, 2022)

All is well!

Grateful for Surrender and Wisdom

 I am so grateful that surrender has taught me to willingly participate in Life's dance with a quiet mind and an open heart.

Michael Singer

The sun is creeping over the naked branches and frosty earth and into my window.  It is such an amazing light on this last day of November...an aged light full of earned wisdom, represented by a cooled approach to everything...detached maybe...but not without respect or gratitude.  I sense this lovely acceptance and appreciation for what is in the light. Hmm! 

I didn't go in today.  I see the need for replacement and a part of me so wants to go in, not only out of obligation and a sincere desire to serve, but also because I love it. I see what Michael Singer was talking about...how we should  not make work an opportunity to get something for "me", but a learning  tool to help us get  rid of "me".  I am actually getting rid of "me".  When I "do" this, what I have chosen to do, without "me" in the way...it is such a brilliant experience.  I feel the "flow" .  It all comes out naturally because there is no worry about, "Will they like me? Or how will it work for "me"...what will this "me" get from this experience etc." There is just this wonderful flow of giving and seeing and accepting and allowing and being and "doing" what needs to be done in the moment as best as this mind and body can. And it is an amazing experience.  It really is.  So I do like this!  I do want to continue to  "work" and serve and help out when I can in this way...but...

I also have to serve my body and mind, if not this notion of "me".  My ticker really is tired...and it wants me to slow down.   It took me so long to get to the point where I felt I could "do" what I could  and accept what I couldn't.  It took  me so long to get to the point of accepting that I might never be validated for what is going on in my body and to make life changes regardless. It took me so long to find peace  in that and to value my own "knowing". Yoga, meditation, mindfulness and making my own real healing priority took me leaps and bounds...and I am so much better on a holistic level than I was a decade ago. I am so grateful for that. The work I did, however, did not change what was going on physically within this body. Not completely, anyway. 

From day one of symptoms my goal was to stop my heart from failing too soon. I knew that eventually it would tire out. So I pushed for answers...I acted out of fear and desperation up to a point. There was so much dismissal and shaming.  I reacted to the shaming but still I pushed...much more timidly and with great confusion...but I pushed. The pushing for an external answer did not help me in the long run. It led to assumption and judgements that not only took me away from an answer but made my life situation so much more challenging than it should ever be.  I reached a point where I realized I had to let go and I did.  There was so much healing in that letting go. I learned to rise above my symptoms, (accepting, at the same time, that I knew what I knew). Then I reached a point where  both my humanness and my spirituality wanted to be served.  An opportunity came to my awareness that would do both...and when I accepted the challenge... a certain wonderful energy replaced the "me"  and shooed it away. 

So it isn't the me" with  its petty need for secondary gain saying that my heart is tired.  It is the inner wisdom. And, ironically,  just as the inner wisdom shines, external validation for what I always knew to be true is coming into the light as well. Go figure.

So I will honor this amazing body that does so much and rest today. I will give it what it needs.

I hope that you will listen to your body and your own inner wisdom as well...and make the choices that are best for you.

All is well! 

Always Conscious

 You're always conscious. You have been conscious from the beginning. You are aware of whatever you focus on, internally or externally. Who are you? Who is that consciously aware entity inside?

Michael Singer, living untethered, page 10 ( New Harbinger/ Sounds True; 2022)

You are the Subject; Not the Object

 Who sees when I see? Who hears when I hear? Who feels when I feel? 

Ramana Maharishi

I am reviewing Chapter 2 now of living untethered. There is a common human  dilemma discussed here, a question asked: "Who are you?"  Many of us are so busy searching for ourselves, we do not see that we are the Self we are looking for. We spend a great deal of our Life energy  trying  to identify and express our roles, our gender, our ethnicity, our status etc...that we fail to tap into and recognize who we actually are. We mix our own subjective awareness up with that which we are observing. We are not the body, so how can we be the gender or ethnicity we work so hard to express because of this body/mind?  We are not what we do...so how can we be the role or the status we obtain or fail to obtain from the roles we take on? 

Your body has an age and your body has a gender, but those concepts are irrelevant to one that notices the body....Your skin may be a certain color , but the consciousness that notices this has no color at all. You are not your body.  You are the one that notices the characteristics of your body.  You are the conscious awareness within that is looking at all this...who you thought you were is not who you are. The same inner being is looking at your body, your house, your car.  You are the subject; all the rest are objects of consciousness. 

Michael Singer, page 9

Wow!  That is a little mind blowing, wouldn't you say?

All is well.

Michael A. Singer ( 2022) living untethered.  New Harbinger/ Sounds True.

Another Thing You See

 You in there who "sees" did not change; what you were looking at changed. Your body is just another thing you see. The question remains: Who is in there doing the seeing? 

Michael A Singer, living untethered, page 5 ( New Harbinger/ Sounds True, 2022)

A lovely late November sun is shining in on me.  There remains a light dusting of snow and ice over the landscape and the sky is  on the verge of more, it seems. I love that light that is escaping through the dark clouds!! I feel content in this house, in desperate need of a good cleaning, as I sit here, in my Pj's,  with my tea and my words. Sigh! 

Seeing the Body

I am aware of my body, watching it as if from a distance. It  is still talking to me a lot throughout the day. The pain in the upper left side has returned...man, I cannot help but believe it is splenic despite what tests show and others say. I am falling asleep everywhere and the palpitations are still making themselves known as I adjust to this new adventure that requires a level of physicality I have yet to get used to ( stairs!!) That big blob in my left visual field keeps coming and going...so annoying, even if I know it is benign. Still have the cramping in the left lower quadrant...Yeah my body is noisy and demanding I pay attention to it. And it is all good.  I see my body and I ask "Who is in there doing the seeing?" 

More and more I see how I am not this body, that it is simply a part of my experience here. Less and less, it is the self righteous, scared "little me" doing the watching. It is the  It is the Deeper I that watches and with that there is an acceptance in me right now that is so beautiful. When I look back at my experiences this week I see how much I truly am growing away from the "me-ness" of things.  I am naturally letting go of anxieties and worries and worldly concerns as I open up more and more to what is.  I see how it truly isn't about "me"! And how much " me" can get in the way. I am letting go of me. Sigh! 

It is all so good. 

How are you doing in there?

 ...what really matters is not the thoughts, the emotions, nor the outside world.  What really matters is You in there, who is experiencing these things. How are you doing? What you will see is that you in there is higher than any experience  you've ever had. The one who is seeing all this is the most beautiful thing in the whole universe.  If you ever find your way  back to the Seat of Self, that's what you are going to discover. 

Michael Singer, living untethered, page 35( New Harbinger/ Sounds True, 2022)

It is so, so easy to forget the truth in these wise words, to get swept along by the momentum of thought and emotion and the pull of the outside world.  I find myself there on this new adventure, neglecting my body, pushing it a bit too hard again to "prove myself" maybe?....That is a sign that thought, feeling and  attachment external 'stuff' are  running the show again.  Hmm! Need to find the balance, need to find the balance. What about you?  

All is well.

Acceptance and Resistance

 Resistance creates tension and anxiety, and it makes life a burden....Only by accepting reality can we work with the flow of Life as it passes by and create a better world...Acceptance is best understood as nonresistance to reality.

Michael Singer, living untethered ( New Harbinger/Sounds True 2022), page 3

So we will begin looking at the wisdom in this amazing book a little more deeply.  I have read it and underlined the points that hit me and I would now like to share. I teach so I learn, I learn so I teach.

All is well

Committed?

 ...most of your thoughts and emotions [and even, bodily symptoms] are created by the blockages you have stored inside. These blockages are yours, and you can let them go anytime you want. Once again, the problem is that once they were stored with pain, they are going to release with pain.  That is where the depth of commitment comes in. Do you want to be free to live a deep, beautiful life more than you want to avoid discomfort?

Michael Singer, living untethered, (2022, New Harbinger/Sounds True), page 185

Well I may be getting to one of the many roots as to why I have been feeling the way I have been feeling lately.  I did not do so well on my stress test yesterday, got stopped a few minutes in.  I mean I had a very mild form of the usual I get on exertion: SOB, pressure in the center of my chest, fatigue, and light headedness...nothing to really complain about.  The palpitations and the sense that my heart was going to come through my chest was intense...but that does get intense all the time, with stress and exertion. It is such a part of my life now.  Most times I don't pay much heed to it ...but this time, I really  felt it ...was so aware of the exact moment when it went away, like a big weight being lifted from my chest. I was asking myself when I was siting there after they stopped the test, "Are these palpitations or just a normal part of being me?" Then...just like that...they stopped...and I knew, "Yep...palpitations and they are a part of being me!" It was like in that moment, when they stopped, I knew that all along, over all these years, my symptoms were very, very real, whether people called me a liar or dismissed my complaints or not. It was very validating, even before I was told of the results and the concerns. I was told it is likely the valve and I am not getting enough O2 to cardiac tissue. I was told years ago, by more than one specialist, that a valve replacement or repair was in my future, likely in my 60's. Well, I am almost 60. I know that is partially it but there are those darn spasms too that come in clusters as they did in May. And there is this run away train in my chest as well that will occasionally go off the tracks. Regardless, there is a reason why I feel tired and "off" some days. And that is okay.

Anyway, this explains the physical but there is the emotional and psychological and spiritual roots to why I have been feeling the way I have been feeling, to consider as well. Those old samskaras are being triggered by life events and old ways of attempting to distract, suppress and repress are not going to work for me anymore.  Whatever is inside me is determined to come through, with or without my cooperation. :) I am committed to freeing myself from them! The process of doing so is not a whole lot of fun right now lol. 

So that was a lot of sharing of the "personal" again when I am trying so intensely to let go of "me" all together. It is a process.  And I will get there.  Yet, maybe you too are struggling to get above and beyond the "personal". Maybe by hearing about this experience from another, you will realize you are not alone. The personal can be transmuted to the interpersonal. Hmm!

Let's dig up our roots and bring them to the surface, not with a hoe or a shovel, but with a willingness to accept and allow the discomfort required to be free. 

All is well.

Motive

 Your underlying motive can't ever be about you. It has to be about serving what's happening in front of you. To the absolute best of your ability, you always serve life as it unfolds before you.

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, (2022, New Harbinger/Sounds True) , page 173.

Hmm! Some inner truths want to make themselves known to me and they are triggering samskaras, some old hidden emotional energies as they come to my awareness. It is like I am tripping off shame mines, as I walk along this new path,  because I cannot see where they are hidden. Mistakes, I make as I "learn" how to do this new thing I am doing,( ...the new work experience as well as the new approach I am wanting to take to Life) is bringing up some old stuffed and forgotten shame. So I have been feeling shame.  Of course, I am not saying that it is justified to ever feel shame but there shame is, in one big explosion, blown to the surface, making itself known.  It is sooo uncomfortable. I want to push it down again.  I want to distract from it. I want it to go away! What I am learning, however,  is that shame, like all our emotions,  is better on the surface than stuffed or hidden inside. I want to allow this emotional energy to just be so it comes out of me and stays out of me. I begin by understanding the trigger.

My motive was about "me"

This new adventure I am on in the physical world was only supposed to be partially about "me"...this body and mind. I had some external world needs that I was hoping would be served , for sure, but my personal needs were meant to be in the  back seat, not driving this vehicle. But man they took over in a way I never thought they would. I forgot why I as doing what I was doing...both in my so called "assertion" for the rights of "me" and my approach to the work I have been doing. I, as "me", got in the way! Now I do feel shame for that. ( Trying not to judge the emotion...just experience it.) and I feel shame because this shame brought up old shame, as irrational as that may be.  

Before I recommit to serving life as it unfolds in front of me,  I have to serve the unfolding of this  shame samskara...so I can let go and refocus until my motive is about serving Life and not about "me".

All is well. 

First Snow

 When snow falls, nature listens.

A. Van Kleef

We had our first snow and it was so lovely.  A fresh white blanket of pure innocence is covering that which may be hard to look at...the browning decay of late Autumn. It is like  painting over walls, made dingy with age, with fresh white paint...everything becomes bright and new and clean looking...even though that dinginess is still there. I am not meaning to say that the transition of Autumn is "dingy and should be covered over"... by no menas...it is just as beautiful in its transition as the transition from winter  to spring is.  Anyway, I am rambling.  Looking after my grandson on Thursdays until my daughter finds childcare.  Looking forward to it. Will be busy.

Hours later: He is sleeping. My croaky version of Too-Ra-Loo-Ra is like a sleeping pill to my grandchildren. Maybe they just slip into sleep to escape the pain lol.  But anyway.

I discovered the reason for my "offness" two days ago.  Not saying I didn't pick up the heavy, emotional energy around me, but I also forgot to take my meds two days in a row, when I probably needed them more than ever! Because I have been much more physical, coupled with the eustress of new beginnings, my ticker was tired.  If my ticker gets tired, my brain gets tired and if my brain gets tired ...my mind just does its own thing. 

Anyway, it is all good.

Empathy to an Empathic

 Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, hearing with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.

Alfred Adler

Empathic Versus Empathetic

Something happened yesterday which I  believe was a legitimate empathic experience.  I know, I know...it does sound so woo-woo, even for me who attempts to eliminate the woo-woo from mostly everything. I have to remind myself that an empath is just someone with a strong sense of empathy and sensitivity towards the emotions of others.  And emotion, whether we see it as woo woo or not, like all phenomena, is just an energetic vibration. I just cannot explain what I was feeling  by anything other than..."it wasn't mine!"

 I walked into the experience excited about what lay ahead but within ten minutes, in a certain environment,  I noticed that I was feeling strange and that strange little frustrating events were happening:  like not being able to get into a computer after several attempts , leaving my lunch behind, not being able to follow clearly written and verbal  instructions (which is never usually a problem for me).  I felt "off" almost immediately.  I sensed that the people I was dealing with were vulnerable and  required a special approach. I was sooo aware of their body language, the nuances in their voices, the walls of protection around them.  Something within me said, " give them room, approach gently when necessary and be ready to pull back as soon as you see they need those walls again. Don't push or over prompt.  They do not know you.  They do not trust you...tread carefully so as not to close them down." And I could sense that the friendliness I was receiving from some individuals would not translate in the same way outside of my presence. The whole time I had this desire to do things right, appear a certain way, please for two reasons: for a sense of belonging and for a fear of getting in trouble. I was unsure of myself and my mind.  I felt like I was going to get in trouble, do something stupid that I didn't mean to do and that someone was going to be mad at me for it! I have not felt like that in a long, long time. I felt confused about what I should do and how I should act.  I found myself sitting in my chair shuffling papers, again and again.  I was aware of myself doing so and found myself thinking, "Look at me shuffling these papers repeatedly...I don't do this...but I keep coming back to this activity! Over and over."  And my head was soo foggy and I am usually a clear thinker. I just felt so off!!

I kept telling myself this was a wonderful opportunity to open and release some of that stuff in me.  Told myself it might just be memory triggering some old samskaras etc or sleep dep and to be honest ...my body is starting to resist the working again ( I have to be careful to find a balance that honors body and mind as much as it honors my desire to serve). But I could not get past that sense of heaviness, confusion, sadness, fear ( mild forms), and a lack of  esteem and safety for myself or others that crept up over me. 

This feeling stuck to me until I finished documenting , objectively, the day's events for the benefit of one and because I could not access the computer even after several, several attempts,  that seemed to take forever...repeated trials and errors or getting pulled away ( of course, it was done on my own time.) Then it released some...I retreated to the couch...I was so physically drained by the experience I could not stay awake in the evening but at one point, instead of going to bed...I found myself staring at the TV screen in a way I don't normally do. Just standing there staring at it for 40 minutes. I caught myself and it was like WTFork?

I woke up in the middle of the night with this intense feeling that I screwed up and that I was going to get in trouble for it! I felt this "You should be ashamed of yourself!" Ashamed of myself for what? Whatever I did wrong yesterday certainly did not deserve that degree of self- shaming and self-punishment. But I was overwhelmed by it. 

It was a very bizarre experience and I fear that I actually soaked up and took on the combined emotional energy and mental confusion of those lovely people that frequent that environment.

Whatever it was, it was  super draining and I couldn't go in today even though there was an assignment that appealed to me and my experience.

Wow! Thought I would share.

All is well. 

Appreciating All Experiences

 You should be able to look back at your past and say, "Thank you." It doesn't matter what happened.  Remember, every moment there are trillions and trillions of things going on in the universe, but you only get to experience one. How can you not appreciate the one you got to see?  Michael Singer, living untethered (Harbinger/Sounds True: 2022), page 165

There is nothing richer than a fully processed experience integrated into your whole being. page 163

All is well

November

 How sad would be November, if we had no knowledge of the spring.

Edwin Way Teale

It is raining out there, a cool November rain.  The skies are grey and swollen with anticipatory grief, maybe, as death reminds us it is coming. With barely a leaf left clinging to their branches, trees reach up pleading to some unseen force for the return of their lost children. The whole world stops to listen. For now there is no wind.  Everything is still against a browning landscape. And it is quiet...so quiet out there.  The bird song of spring is being replaced by the solemn respect for the mourning. 

Wow!  That's pretty dark.  Where did that come from? lol

I suppose its seems dark but transition is always marked by such grief , isn't it? We have to let go of what was, before we can move forward  into what could be and letting go is painful. 

I sit here this morning pondering the events of the last few days.  I obviously have not let them go and though I am probably clinging to those events and the thoughts and feelings attached, though I am still holding on to this "idea"  I have of what is best for "me", as the Oak tree tends to do with some of its leaves, the experience  is  not necessarily  "painful." It is somewhat uncomfortable because I realize that I am allowing it to take me away from my moment here. And my mission is to be present with what is.  I see  how I am being pulled away and though I keep coming back, I am surprised about how much I am being pulled, by how much of "me" is still in there. 

The Needs of "Me" and the Needs of "Deeper I"

What "me" wants and what the Deeper I wants are two different things.  Me wants to be right, to be honored and valued for all its so called achievements and accomplishments, to set itself above others because of it. I, as the 'me',  got cocky and arrogant even, believing that I was somehow "special" because of such achievements. I believed I should be evaluated and rewarded for them a certain way because it was "more than" what others had to show.  When I wasn't, I spoke my mind and declared the need for change. Now...in social and psychological perspectives, I would be told, that I was doing the right thing by standing up for myself,  knowing what I am worth and possibly affecting change for all by "declaring my rights" ...but is this really what the Deeper part of me wants?

Letting Go 

Deeper I does not want me to stick up for 'me', it wants me to let go of "me", and just like those bare trees out there, it wants me to stand in my naked vulnerability and just experience what is as it is.  It sees all those things I was clinging to and standing up for as completely and totally worthless. It whispers that they are in the way of what I want! If I don't let go, if I continue to cling to that which serves the ego, I will not make the amazing transition from a problematic and self righteous 'me' to a peaceful and Loving Self. That part of me I am still clinging to has got to die!

It is like I am walking down a November trail...caught between two seasons...In one season I am attempting to hold onto what is left of "me", the warm sun, the splashes of vibrant colour etc that are behind me.  And the season that is awaiting,  is a season where it no longer exists , buried under a pure white blanket of awareness...an awareness that will take us to a glorious season of rebirth.  We  have to have a winter before we have a spring...but we cannot have a winter, until we let go of that which we cling to in Autumn. November is the transitional month.

So just as the Novembers on the calendar are  months of confusion , clinging and anticipatory grieving, the Novembers of our transitions are just as challenging to our psyches, as we find ourselves caught between the vibrancy of October and the peaceful slumber of December.

Man, it is hard to a human being, isn't it?  As we awaken, we find ourselves  trapped between the wants and needs of  form and the wisdom  of formlessness. 

I am not sure  what consequences await me for speaking my mind.  I am not sure which part of me I served the most by doing so and just how beneficial it was for my inner growth, in the long run. I have no regrets.  I would probably do the same thing again.... 

I do, however, want to use this experience to help me let go of some  of my November leaves...I won't give up 'my 'rights completely but I will compromise. I will stand half way between what was offered and what I stated I deserved. I will stand in November!

If that isn't enough, we will let it all be!

All is well.

Assertiveness

 We must teach our girls that if they speak their mind, they can create the world they want to see.

Robyn  Silverman

I have been away my dear readers...exploring new opportunities...new ways to grow and expand by giving of myself rather than trying to get for myself. And it was wonderful!  It was  like a little door opened up in my heart and a whole new spectrum of colorful light poured in. I got a taste of what it was like to have an open heart, where "me" was not in the way blocking the  sun. I jumped into the opportunity. Though there was a level of preference involved...experiences that I tend to gravitate towards anyway..."me" was taking a back seat.  I was there to "give" and though my giving was far from perfect in its inexperience  it was glorious and uplifting for something inside.   I was completely open. Until yesterday, that is. 

Assertively Proving a Point

I found myself needing to "prove" a point about something that made so much sense to me I could not see around it. An assessment and decision was made about something that would effect "me". I didn't agree with how that decision was made.  I asked for clarification because I wanted to see what I was missing but the responses I got only made me more confused. I desperately wanted to understand what I was missing and/or wanted others to understand why I came to the conclusion I did. My mind began to whirl and churn the way it does.  You see, I have a mind that has to understand how certain things work  and will not let up until it does.  I am not sure if one would call that a strength or  an area to improve upon. That trait makes for a great learner and good educator but a pain in the butt for everyone else. :) The teacher came out of me...and I wanted to educate on some things I was well versed in when it comes to making such decisions that I assumed the others were not as well versed in

I initially  looked at the situation and  it just seemed so obvious to me, "Oh this is how this must work and so this  is what it will mean for 'me' and therefore what it must mean for everyone else ". I had more than an assumption, I had an expectation. I felt so strongly  that I was "right" and therefore that meant that others were "wrong" or "mistaken" or "confused". I set out to prove that.  There was a fire in me.  I set out on a mission to stand up for justice and fairness for myself and all those coming behind me.  Man, I should have been a lawyer lol ( ironically that comparison was used in the decision process related to this event). It consumed me for hours until I had all my arguments, my thoughts, the evidence, the numbers all lined up and packed away neatly into my medium of expression...words. And I sent them off...like little soldiers (peace keeping soldiers) marching off to defend ( not attack). It was never my intention to offend or hurt or blame anyone.  I was assertive, for sure,  but it was an  aggression/malice free approach.  It really was... but to those who feel threatened, it will always come off that way regardless. 

The internal Pull to Be Assertive

In so doing...as a woman...I may have created an opinion of me as a "trouble maker" or "someone to watch"...and I accept the  consequences. Asserting just felt like the right thing to do for myself and for others.  It was an act of self-care even.  Oh the ego was in there chirping away, for sure..."Oh man...you can't let this happen...you deserve more than this...they are wrong and you are right...look at all you have to give...people have to value you more because of it...and you know how this works, you have dealt with it so many times before where as they may not have" and I constantly had to stop and ask myself and D., "Is this ego  or something deeper making me confront this?" I reminded myself, that other people don't have to value me or do a darn thing for "me". I reminded myself that I am not doing this for external gain...I am doing it to let go of "me"...not reinforce it.  I questioned, " Am I reinforcing me-ness by asserting that a certain decision be made about "me"?" Still, I felt this pull to deal with what was unfolding in front of me and was so sure the internal restlessness would not subside until I did.  Words, words, words would be the only thing that would allow me to let this go.  

So the situation unfolded in front of me and I dealt with it.  Once I sent my little word soldiers out there...I was able to let it go to a great extent.  I mean there was some holding onto it, for sure, and probably will be until  I see the effect of my expression, or until a final decision is confirmed but the fire in me turned to a nice cool flame. I was able to step out of the thought stream which was directed towards doing what I could to solve this problem and back into my moment. 

What is the point of this big long ramble, crazy lady? 

Man...I do ramble.

The point is...getting rid of "me" doesn't entail denying human rights and needs. We still often have to assert ourselves for the well being of self and others. I was presented with a challenge from a decision  that "seemed" to impact on my human rights and therefore on the rights of others. I questioned if the process, I understood so well from my years of experience using it, was understood by those making the  decision.  Whether or not it did is yet to be discovered.  If I am given an explanation as to why the decision is the way it is that makes sense to this mind of mine, and I see that it is a fair decision made on the basis of fully understanding the process, I will be like "Great! Thank you for showing me the error in my thinking" as I bow my head again and again and again in Namaste. ( Well I probably won't physically do that lol). But until then I will assert and I will question.

Does confronting assertively  make me less spiritual?

Of course not.  I am just catering to the human part of me that we all have to do from time to time. If the assertion is not based on reactivity, anger, a need to blame and be right for ego's sake...then it is perfectly okay , in fact very healthy, to be assertive. 

It is all good.

It is all so good.  

Work & The Nectar of Life!

More wise words, from Michael Singer, on work:

 ...you don't make your job spiritual, you make yourself spiritual. You don't try to find a job that is spiritual; you try to find a way to work on yourself so that everything is spiritual. 

·         Going to work is about the holiest thing you could ever do.

·         Everything is spiritual and everything is fulfilling period. You could sweep a floor and literally be in ecstasy as you sweep the floor and see that you are cleansing something so that other people could have a more beautiful experience.

·         You do the work that is necessary to get there [to that feeling]/ and your place of employment, your place of work is an excellent place to do that.

·         I don’t want everything to have to be the way I want to get turned on.  I wanna get turned on by everything so my work is to let go of myself

·         So first you center in your car [before starting your work day]and you remember this is not about getting something for myself.  It is about giving of myself and letting go of the part of me that is not letting me do that

·         Things on the outside are going to bother you…bump into your stuff. Good….”that is the nectar of life".

·         Every time it hits it, it gives you the opportunity to let it go.

·         The problem is you have to be centered. You have to maintain that state of mindfulness to remember that is what is going on.  Otherwise when something happens that disturbs you inside you are going to try to protect yourself, you are going to try to argue [that it shouldn’t be this way]

·         If you have things inside you that can get disturbed then you should get disturbed because it stirs it up and gives you an opportunity to let it go.

·         Once you learn to stay present [through meditative practices]  it is the everyday moments of your life, of  which work is half your life, that presents you the opportunity to let go of yourself.

Michael Singer & Finding Fulfillment at work & https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONOc19yM5wY