Life is 10% what happens to you and 90 % how you react to it.
Charles R. Swindoll
Snowing again. Winter is here to stay :). As she should be.
Had an experience , yesterday, that I am reflecting on. In a nutshell, I had a wonderful day and it was partly that way because my ego kept getting stroked. I am realizing, once again, that non reactivity goes both ways.
First of all...I started the day like I do must everyday, with the intention to be open. I could almost feel my body vibrating with something. At first I thought it was just a bit of nerves and what not brought on by not sleeping enough the night before and about approaching another "new" situation, not knowing what to expect. Then...out of nowhere, I felt that peace inside me emerge. I was ready and willing to accept all that came my way and was experiencing a bit of peace and, at the same time, excitement wondering how it was all going to unfold. It started out a little chaotic but I found some joy in the not-knowing, in the open willingness to allow all that was, be as it is...brewing within. Then things just seemed to slip into place without me doing anything...people kept coming to me in a very friendly way, offering kindness, help and support just when I needed it. They seemed to "like" something about "me" for no reason. So amongst all that good feeling from within...the "me" was being warmed and watered by outside influence. It started to become about "me". I heard myself saying, "Oh this "me" must be doing a good job...this "me" must be likable and worthy of esteem."
I caught myself. I suddenly realized what I was doing. I was allowing myself to react to positive outside influences. "Me" was liking it all, a little too much. I was enjoying the stroke of ego. I was preferring this and losing my way. I was allowing the "me" to grow when what I truly want is the "me" to leave. Hmmm!
I caught myself reacting to the outside world...caught up in it, allowing it to define when and how my heart should open. What I felt when I started my day...what brought these positive experiences to me in the first place...had little to do with ego. It was what Singer would call "Shakti". As I intended, this energy was finding its way through me. I was not standing in its way but it was influencing how the little "I" approached this gift of day I was given. Because things were going so well...I found myself rejoicing in it, preferring the experience over others, wanting more of the same. I...meaning the lower part of my consciousness, the part I call "me" ...was growing and growing from this feeding and I knew if I didn't stop it, it would get to the point that it would be dropping a large shadow over what was really important. Allowing the "me" to grow creates a huge barrier over the true Self. It really does.
At this point in my life, I do not want to make "me" and this barrier any bigger...I want to diminish it. I need to keep reminding myself of that fact.
What I choose to do cannot be based on any "me-ness" . It has to be about something greater...and the reason why things turned out so well is that when I started the morning, it was all about this something bigger. My intention was to keep an open heart and to leave the "me' at home. "Me" wasn't in the way...at first. Well it got called back in by the positive strokes in my direction. It was fed and it would have grown to a tremendous size if I didn't realize the error of my ways. But I did.
I reminded myself of the following: What I want is to be unaffected by whatever happens around me...never reacting to the negative, never reacting to the positive....never grasping or clinging, never pushing away or closing down to any of it! Allowing all to be exactly as it is!
Reacting to the positive is just as destructive to our Self-realization as is reacting to the negative.
Hmm! Something to think about
All is well!
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