Motive

 Your underlying motive can't ever be about you. It has to be about serving what's happening in front of you. To the absolute best of your ability, you always serve life as it unfolds before you.

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, (2022, New Harbinger/Sounds True) , page 173.

Hmm! Some inner truths want to make themselves known to me and they are triggering samskaras, some old hidden emotional energies as they come to my awareness. It is like I am tripping off shame mines, as I walk along this new path,  because I cannot see where they are hidden. Mistakes, I make as I "learn" how to do this new thing I am doing,( ...the new work experience as well as the new approach I am wanting to take to Life) is bringing up some old stuffed and forgotten shame. So I have been feeling shame.  Of course, I am not saying that it is justified to ever feel shame but there shame is, in one big explosion, blown to the surface, making itself known.  It is sooo uncomfortable. I want to push it down again.  I want to distract from it. I want it to go away! What I am learning, however,  is that shame, like all our emotions,  is better on the surface than stuffed or hidden inside. I want to allow this emotional energy to just be so it comes out of me and stays out of me. I begin by understanding the trigger.

My motive was about "me"

This new adventure I am on in the physical world was only supposed to be partially about "me"...this body and mind. I had some external world needs that I was hoping would be served , for sure, but my personal needs were meant to be in the  back seat, not driving this vehicle. But man they took over in a way I never thought they would. I forgot why I as doing what I was doing...both in my so called "assertion" for the rights of "me" and my approach to the work I have been doing. I, as "me", got in the way! Now I do feel shame for that. ( Trying not to judge the emotion...just experience it.) and I feel shame because this shame brought up old shame, as irrational as that may be.  

Before I recommit to serving life as it unfolds in front of me,  I have to serve the unfolding of this  shame samskara...so I can let go and refocus until my motive is about serving Life and not about "me".

All is well.