Reflecting on Christmas

Christmas is a season not only of rejoicing but of reflection.
Winston Churchill

Survived it! 

Imagine looking at a holiday that we traditionally revere to evaluate one's experience of it as survival.

On refection,  I had some precious moments where I staid peaceful and in tune with what was happening around me.  I also had some lovely joyful moments surrounded by family. And there were some sad and helpless moments where I was reminded how challenging this time is for some of my loved ones (for many people actually)...dangerously so. 

There were some intoxicated moments too, followed by some hung over ones. I am not much of a drinker anymore and do well to put back one glass of wine every few weeks or even months but on Christmas Eve I had three and a half glasses...and that is way too much for me ( drops my  systolic BP down into the 70's or lower) so I get more tipsy than the average duck and very, very weak the next day.  I know better but I so just wanted to shut my mind off in a traditionally acceptable way.  I wanted to have "fun"  instead of  having to constantly work my way through  this heaviness.  Ego told me it would be fun to slip below the heavy cloud cover I have been under for at least a few hours.  I did enjoy myself but had to pay for it .  I am so, so tired still :) I see again how substances are not the answer. I didn't wisely find my way through thinking...I simply plummeted below it and there is a difference.

More learning.

I am having my Christmas supper tonight and that will be nice.  I do look forward to that.  I also witnessed a moment or two of relief in a struggling loved one yesterday.  Apparently the way I supported her through this without pushing her to take part in the expectations of the season...helped. I felt a little less helpless upon hearing that.  :)

This thing on my body  has not gone away in some Christmas miracle.  The pain is definitely tolerable but getting a little louder everyday.  I see the pain  simply as a messenger. It wants to be heard. I will not forget that there is something  there that needs attention  any time soon.

Enough about "me".  I hope you are enjoying (''en- JOY-ing") your holiday if you celebrate such and "en-JOY-ing" the preciousness of each moment if you don't.

All is well!