Remembering

Beauty exists not in what is seen and remembered, but in what is felt and never forgotten.
Johnathan Jena (https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/remembrance)

I am remembering and missing two people I loved and lost in the month of December.  There is my beautiful sister ( the one I am writing my latest book about) who died suddenly and unexpectedly in her sleep in 2004, at the age of 45.  And there is my Dad who lost his battle with cancer, dementia and heart failure in 2015.

I found this poem about my Dad. My sister wrote this shortly after he passed.   So I am going to publish it here and if by chance she is reading this ( I assume and hope she gave up on my "woo-woo nonsense" lol long ago), you may never hear from me again. She will kill me!!!

She is a brilliant writer, much better than me in many ways.   This poem captures my Dad to a tee...it is almost if I can reach out and grab the cap from his head when I read these words.

First, take the gleam

from the hood of a red truck

And then a small sliver of rust from its dent

along with the Virgin Mary, plastic and blue, from the dash...

Now add the smell from the inside of a ball cap

But only from one well worn – from someone who

worked long in the sun

who chewed tobacco because it was said

to be less deadly than smoking

But  just  in case

also take the  few remaining Player’s Light

 From the glove compartment because tobacco chewing

Is often as seasonal as two- tone arms

or very shy uncles

And take work boots – only Kodiaks will do

And trees on flat beds with their roots heavy and wet

and wrapped securely in burlap sacks

And don’t forget the garbage

On the passenger side floor—

especially the smell of fried onions from

the white paper box

Now take each of these

and place it upon the other

until you have the soft light of a summer evening

and your father pulling in the drive

 My sister, 2015

(I will leave her name out to protect her privacy [and my life]...but it is copyright protected.)

 

I also ran across a poem about my sister that I wrote after she passed, while I was still grieving.  Should have put it first because it  cannot compete with the one above. lol.  I will publish it here anyway, just to honor my sister.

 

Sometimes

Sometimes,

I feel you here

quietly sitting in a corner

leaning slightly onto

elbows resting on a bouncing knee.

You do not speak,

do not pass on your funny  stories

or your wisdom.

You don’t blow smoke rings

from  your MacDonald’s cigarette

over steamy cups of King Cole tea.

You don’t pull disobedient strands of long dark hair

behind your ears

the way you used to.

 

Nor do you cough in fits

 

or gasp to catch your breath

 

with each round of bubbly laughter

 

you release into the stale air

 

that I am, too often,

 

drowning in.

 

 

Yet...

 

Sometimes,

I sense you around me.

Hear an echo of that laughter

rumbling between these walls of solitude,

reaching way inside my heart

pulling out smiles

from places I thought were closed.

Faint traces of your perfume will

sometimes

override the odor of the morning’s bacon

that lingers on my drapes

and I will think of you.

You become a warm feeling … then

in the center of my chest.

That spark that once stirred in your cat green eyes

 will settle upon me

making the hairs on my arms dance in delight.

 

Sometimes,

I feel your sisterly arm around my shoulder.

Everything I didn’t say or didn’t do

is forgotten.

I feel peace

as your forgiveness wraps itself

around me in the rays of light

shining in from the  kitchen window. 

I feel your love and I know... 

I know…

 

it is all going to be Okay.

 

Me 2005

 

 

It is all so very good!