Removing the layers of unhealthy "me"

It is the false shame of fools to try to conceal wounds that have not healed.
Horace ( https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/wounds-quotes)

Are you hiding your wounds?

I have been a fool for many decades hiding my wounds behind heavy layers of super absorbent dressings.  I actually avoided the healing process cuz I thought it would hurt!  I was right...it does! I removed my dressing and my healing is still taking place. I say "ouch" more times that not.

Debridement


Hmmm!  Healing is a multi faceted process where we debride one layer of damaged tissue at a time to get to the pink healthy granulating tissue beneath.  I have pulled off many layers already and many layers have been pulled off of me by circumstance, not always gently.  :) Still I have done much, much healing over the years .   I keep thinking as each top surface is pulled off...okay this has to be the last layer and I  am constantly  surprised to find that there is still some areas to be removed. I still can only see bits and pieces of the healthy me. It is definitely a process to get to the real me because I have some pretty deep wounds.

Just like the body will do with a deep ulcerating wound, the mind does with our emotional ones. It wants to fill them in and cover them up in a sick attempt to protect us from further pain.  Unfortunately the layers it covers it up with are heavy, thick and unhealthy...not allowing the light and air to get to the inner layers. Pink healthy tissue can not flourish under such oppression.

This pink tissue I am looking for is who I really am...it is where all of life's source of nutrients can be found to flow freely.  It is a bit painful to get there but once everything is removed that prevents  Life's vitalizing energy to flow freely...this healthy, unencumbered, layer of me will be free.  I will see it clearly.  I will experience it freely.

That debridement takes time and effort, I am afraid. The deeper the wound, the more layers of unhealthy tissue is created in a pseudo attempt to cover up the broken flesh.  Unhealthy tissue is often thick and stubborn.  :)

Man why am I using nursing analogies when I can  no longer call myself  a nurse and when wound care was never really my thing when I was a nurse? :)  Still it keeps coming to mind whenever I think of my own healing.  I wrote a poem about that once.  I wonder if I can find it?

What led me on this debridement journey in the first place?  What stopped me from putting layer and layer of dressings over the wounds to hide them from myself and others?  What led me to begin picking at them  layer by layer?  What encouraged me to sit back and allow life to do the same.?  A  dressing would have protected me some from this discomfort...why did I not just let things continue the way they were?

I was ready: Suffering and Faith

I was ready for true healing rather than a cover up approach. Suffering...the pain of an infected wound coupled by the pain of what life was doing to remove the layers, led me to want real healing once and for all.  I knew that real healing would not begin if I still covered everything up in fear  that life would cause more pain.  I had to remove all the surface layers I was hiding under once and for all.  Life obligingly helped me to do that too.  something very powerful within me told me  that I had to expose the wounds and realize that under them and flowing to them was all I ever needed for healing. Hmmm!

What lead me to my own debridement was a certain Faith.  I had faith, a faith that led me inward rather than outward.  With every tiny bit of pink tissue I exposed, the more the trust grew within me. So I was able to withstand the sting of another layer being pulled off, trusting that it would reveal something healthy and real.  Each and every time, a little more presence would emerge.  I got glimpses of that Life energy within me. I knew I was healing.  I am now committed to that process of healing.

What about you?

 Is your real Self covered up by layers of unhealthy tissue? Do you have wounds that need debridement?  I am going to encourage you to remove the outer dressing and begin the process. I am not going to tell you it won't sting. it will, but I have a feeling that you are going to feel better and better with each layer of unhealthy you, you take away.



Inspired by:

Eckhart Tolle (2019) It's easy, Keep your vibrations high. (can't find url when I go back?)

Suffering can lead to a motivation to go deeper.  I am grateful for it and appreciate every bit of pink tissue I am able to now see because of it.

All is well.