One Problem; One Solution

Only be certain you do not forget that all problems are the same.  Their many forms will not deceive you while you remember this.  One problem, one solution.  Accept the peace this simple statement brings.
ACIM-W-80:3:3-6

 
A Long List

 I have a big long list of "situations " that I entitle "Areas of Concern"  on my desk that I am dealing with. Some of those problematic life events  are quite extraordinary.  Because of that and the fact  there are so many, I have had to seek help outside myself just to sort through them enough so I could see at least dimly into my future. (Well this idea we have of future.)

Secondary Rewards 

My ego tells  me that what I am looking at is the stuff that soap operas are made from.  It assures me there is a lot going on and that some of these things are really "big"!!!  If I have to endure them, it goes on,  I should at least get a little reward for doing so.  I should get a medal or two, some applause, if not just some validation or recognition for my struggles. 

It also tells me I am winning in some competition I didn't even know I signed up for. I am, according to ego,  "more special" than most people I know because of the amount and nature of the circumstances I am and have been encountering. Ego wants me to keep up that special status even though Self wants nothing to do with it.

Defending the "Special Status" and the Idea of Many Problems

When these problems  are diminished by another through generalizations, belittling  or comparison to other people's "more normal" problems...ego gets all rawled up and wants to defend and attack this for this "special" status it feels I have earned.

Self just stands back and watches ego make a fool of itself.  Self knows that I am not special anywhere but in ego's mind. Specialness is not something it even recognizes. So I am definitely not special because of problems. 

It tells me, in fact, that these problems are not even real.   What I have jotted down on this piece of paper are not problems.  They are simply descriptions of life events I am facing.  They are just things showing up in my day to day experience. My mind might want to make them into problems with story, drama, judgment and labelling but they are still simply life events jotted down in list form.

Only One Problem

There maybe many life events on this piece of paper with varying degrees of challenge associated with them but there is and always will be only one problem. Therefore, how can I be "problem special"?  How can any of us be?  If there is only one problem how can there be varying degrees of difficulty to problems?  How can we even expect to take part in such a competition, let alone win  it.

Why would we even want to?  This focus keeps us from feeling peace. Winning in ego's sense is just not worth it.  A long series of different problems seems to confront you. and as one is settled the next one and the next arise.  There seems to be no end to them.  There is no time in which you feel completely free of problems and at peace.ACIM-W-79:3:3-5 

I don't know about you but that is certainly my experience with dealing with problems.

As long as we are caught up in this idea we have many different types of problems we will never solve our real problem.  We will never find the peace we are entitled to.  To resolve this issue  we need to realize there is only one problem and ACIM tells us that that problem is separation .(ACIM Lesson 79)

What is Separation?

Separation is this idea we have that somehow we are disconnected from our Source and from everyone and everything else. It is a journey away from Love, and into fear;  away from God and into ego.  It is not truth...we cannot be separated... but as long as we believe we are, we will never see clearly.  We will perceive  we are at the mercy of many different problems and challenges and will constantly feel the need to defend and attack.

Separation is our only problem and it occurs only in our minds.

So what do we do to heal?

We first need to recognize this as the only problem and allow and accept all the things  on our list of life events without labelling them and judging them as the source of any lack of peace we may have.  Then we need to work at removing the veil that exists between us and the Source we can never be a part from, the peace and Love that will always be within us. 

It is ego and our belief in what it tells us that creates the veil between our outer and inner worlds; that prevents us from seeing the truth of who we really are. Ego is the cause of our so called problems.  We simply need to relinquish the hold it has on us, to see beyond it to who we truly are.  That starts and ends with our minds.

The truth is you are responsible for what you think, because it is only at this level you can exercise choice.  ACIM-T-2:VI:2-6

All is well!

More Than Specks In Ego's Eyes

 Why, then, do you look at the speck in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the log in your own eye? ...First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will be able to see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. Matthew 7:3-5


If you point out the errors of your brother's ego you must be seeing through yours...
ACIM-T-9:III:3:1

Huh?

Yesterday, I pointed out the errors of other's ways as well as my own in this problem competition we often find ourselves in.  Truth is, it was both a defense and an attack. 

Not "Problem Special"

You see, I felt a bit stung by the  possibly  innocent diminishment of  "specialness" I received  from another the other day when I inferred, in a very subtle nondescript way,  that maybe things in "my life" were following a negative pattern.  This individual knew my "heavy" history but not what I have been encountering in the terms of "life events " recently. I was not intending to share those events. Still, I felt the need to stand up, be seen and heard,  as "special" for enduring what I was enduring.  I  assumed I would be allotted just one moment on the podium.  I didn't get it. 

Instead, I got something to the effect that "everyone has problems.".  I felt instantly shut down, diminished, and  unworthy of sharing (that which I had no intention of sharing anyway) because of one generalizing comment.   It seemed  the person was saying, "Your problems are no bigger or greater in number than mine or  anyone else's, therefore you are not special."   Even though that is the truth and something I definitely want to elaborate on in the next entry , that comment, in that moment,  lead me instantly to feel the need to defend and attack for this image I was holding of me as "problem special".

This grievance induced defense and attack  was internal. I did not respond at the time.  I just changed the subject back to their issues but I walked away  hurting a bit.  I wondered why I felt so stung by that comment.  Thus my entry yesterday. I felt the fruitless need to correct what ego had done.

Who did the  Stinging?

As I reflect further, I have to ask the question:  Who did the stinging?  The individual who made the comment is a lovely person.  Whether or not they felt  we were in a competition  and the comment was meant to prevent me from relaying problematic details of my life , thus scoring points that would put me in the lead, I will probably never  know. Regardless, it was not the whole person I was encountering in that moment but their ego.  I was aware of that. 

As I have said before I am often very aware of the ego behaviour in others.  I see the unconscious need to get ahead in one way or another in order to feel "right", "special" and/or "better than."  How do I see this and become aware of the activated ego in others? Because I see it in myself.

Who got Stung?

I see ego in another because I see ego in myself.  In fact, the only part of me that sees ego is ego.  Ego recognizes itself in the people we encounter. It takes an ego to know an ego.

And egos love to catch the errors in others, love to collect grievances and point out when  others  are "wrong".  Be sure of that...just watch it in yourself and you will see this is true.

It was ego that got stung and only ego.

It  was not the essence of who I am that got stung by that little comment.  That truest part of ourselves  is above all that pettiness and does not see the need to appear special or to be better at something than someone else.  It does not point out the "wrongs" in others because it can only see the "right". It doesn't collect problems as badges of honor.  In fact, it does not even recognize life events as being a problem. And when it looks at the person who made the comment,  all it sees is pure essence and Love. It can see right through egos as if they are not even there to what is real, what is true.

Ego is only right when it sees it can only be wrong

So since I saw a possible "wrong" in another, it is obvious I was not looking at the situation through the eyes of higher Self;  it is a good indication of just how active my ego was in that moment. My ego was active and my ego was right in the only way it will ever be right,  in seeing the wrongness of ego in another. Their ego was wrong because ego is always wrong.  His ego is always wrong, no matter what it says or does.ACIM-T-9:III:2:10

 So how do we make it right?

It is so simple yet we will most likely find it so complicated. Because we refuse to see that the solution can be that easy, we may mistakenly go on being hyper alert to the wrong doings of other egos, collecting grievances, making wrong, defending and attacking our fragile "little I" at the cost of our peace and the peace of others. Sigh! 

All we have to do is see beneath the ego to what is there in ourselves and in the other.  Beyond this problem collection and competition, beyond this need to be "special" and/or "better than", beyond the ego's insane and foolish behaviour... is the true Self. 

It is through those eyes we need to see and into those eyes we need to look.  If we operate like that all errors will disappear.

Errors are of the  ego, and correction of errors lies in the relinquishment of the ego.
ACIM-T-9: III:2:3

All is well in my world.

ACIM ( 2007) A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume. Chapter Nine, Section III: The Correction of Error. Foundations for Inner Peace.

Problem Competition

The "little I'' seeks to enhance itself by external approval, external possessions and external "love".
ACIM-T-preface

The little I, this entity ego creates and tells us we are, is always trying to enhance itself  through getting and gaining something "out there".  It seeks to gain approval, possessions and "love".  This, it believes  will make it "special".  Ego likes to be special.  Actually, because it is so competitive, it  likes to be more special than someone else.   

What happens when life doesn't seem to be allowing us to get these things to enhance self with?  What happens when our lives seem to be riddled with problems? It  may resort to using these so called problems to enhance itself.


Problems?

"You think you got problems, let me tell ya what I got going on?"  or  "Everyone has problems.  I don't know why you think you are so special because of yours!" 

These are  common responses to hearing someone's expression of their so called problems, even if it is not spoken out loud, aren't they?  We seek to build and/or maintain  this identity of "special" in one way or another.

Problem specialness may give us an outlet by which we are seen, heard, and ego fed. For that reason problems  may  become a category in one of egos many competitions. 

The Problem Competition

If we are still dominated by ego's urges but unable to enhance this idea we have of self through external reward,  we may be unknowingly participating in a "problem competition" with one another.  It is a game we want to win by coming out at the finish line "more special" in our eyes or the eyes of others. We win by either having the most challenging  problems or the least challenging amount  of problems. Either way we can tell ourselves we are more special than the losers.

Assessing the Competition

We are often selective with whom we compete with in this game. We tend to enter this competition with people who have a whole lot less problems or at least smaller problems  than us so we can feel superior in our victim status.  Or we may choose people who seemingly have a lot more  problems so we can feel more special in terms of being more fortunate and blessed.  Our goal is to win regardless of what our idea of winning entails!

We are also careful about who our competition is. We like to compete against those who we compete against anyway, people our sense of self is somewhat threatened by in one way or another in other avenues of our lives.  If we can't beat them by being better at something else out there than we will sign the  competitor and ourselves up for a problem competition, hoping that maybe  we can beat them in the problem game.

Making Guilty: An added perk for competition
 
If our competitor is someone we are in conflict with and holding grievances against  for whatever reason, and  someone whom we want to see feeling guilty, even better!  Beating them in a problem competition seems like a way to make them suffer , doesn't it?  "Won't they feel bad about what they said, did, or thought in regards to me when they see how "problem special" I am."  For the ego really believes it can get and keep[win] by making guilty. ACIM-T-15:VII:2:5

Avoiding Contenders

Ego likes to win at all costs. We therefore do not want to compete with others who are sure to win the game.  We want to come out "special". If our idea of winning is all about having the most problems or the most life altering situations to deal with we do not want to pick a battle with someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one, who was just diagnosed with a life threatening disease or who just lost everything they owned.  Do we?  We are not going to win that one

What if these "Big and Real"  problems were added to a competition that already began?  Wow! That puts us in an awkward situation doesn't it?  Or what if we suddenly realize that the person we are running against is actually someone who we assume should   be there to listen to our problems?  How are they going to be there for us if their problems are bigger than ours?  "Bigger problems for them  makes them more worthy of being seen and heard therefore my "specialness" and right to be seen and heard will be diminished." What do we do in these situations?

Cheating In Order To Win

Well ego wants to win, ego wants to be "special". It  is also pretty tricky and will sometimes do what it can to slyly take the competition out on the inside lane when the judges aren't looking.  We may diminish, belittle,  down play, deny, turn out backs to, pretend we don't know what is going on with the other person, fail to listen, avoid, or generalize their problem or experience so it does not get in the way of our getting the garland of specialness draped around our necks. Something as seemingly innocent as '' Everyone has problems" or "Who doesn't go through that" can be like a sucker punch or a shove down to the ego with a so called problem.

Cheating, winning and losing

I have been at both ends of this ego competition...both determined to win at all costs by showing off what I thought was the biggest, baddest problem list and at the same time finding myself  knocked down by  diminishing statements or actions from competitors  when I attempted to express a problem. I have had people I thought were my friends walk away and close their eyes to me in my grief yet still expected me there to listen to their problems while I was in the height of this grief. I have had others crack very inappropriate jokes during my sharing of life altering circumstances. And many, many times I have heard insinuated that my problems were not greater in number or degree of intensity when I felt my problems were quite extraordinary.  I have also been the offender, as well, on many occasions.

Foolish Not Terrible

Are we terrible people for being caught up in these ego games?  No...we are not terrible.  We are simply foolish. Foolish for following ego's lead and believing what it has to say.  Problem competition  is not only a game we cannot win but a game we do not want to win!!! And we are too blinded by egos need to create "special little I-ness"  to realize that.

Once we become aware that we are participating in problem competitions with others, we can step away from ego long enough  to see what we are doing and how it is effecting us and the people we are in competition with.  Until we do that we will be duking out until someone gets knocked out.

Failing To Empathize

So what is happening during this competition: We are simply doing what ego does.  We are becoming overly attached to the life events we are encountering, feeling seperate and lonely, being self-centered, fearing that if we lose this silly game we will lose our sense of "me-ness" and  possibly failing to empathize with the  suffering experience of another. 

We are failing to empathise. Bad thing, right? Empathy , we are culturally taught, not only involves admitting to and validating that our competitor  definitely has a problem, possibly more important than ours, but it also means joining them in that suffering. When we don't join them in that suffering ego shames  us further. 

The only way to get out of this conundrum is to appear to have more problems than them.  That means doing the opposite of empathising.

What we have to realize, however, is that Ego's idea of empathy is actually just a counter attack.

To empathize does not mean to join in suffering, for that is what you must refuse to understand...the ego always empathizes to weaken and to weaken is always to attack. ACIM-T-16:1-2

Say what crazy lady?

Beyond the Competition

There is a way to endure our problems without making them a competition and a way to support others without getting lost in their suffering.

First of all we do not need to go into competition with anyone.  That does not get us anywhere. 

Next, we need to realize that what we call problems are not problems!  What we are collecting on our problem list are just random life events .  What makes them into a "suffering" experience is our desire to react to them by labelling them as problematic and resisting and struggling against them.

Thirdly,  we need to recognize that though there seems to be so many different types of problems out there that we tend to measure in varying  degrees of intensity there really isn't.  For example, we may that a person who was just diagnosed with terminal cancer, just lost their house in a fire  and their husband just  ran off with the babysitter has more problems than an individual who is having chronic  stress at work and is suffering from the discomfort of a heel spur. Right? 

ACIM tells us that is really not the case.  There is only one problem and therefore one solution ( which I will write more about in the next entry)

A problem that has been resolved cannot trouble you. Only be certain you do not forget that all problems are the same.  Their many forms will not deceive you while you remember this. One problem, one solution. Accept the peace this simple statement brings.
ACIM-W-80:3

Then we need to see what empathy really is.  True empathy has nothing to do with the ego. True empathy recognizes there is no problem anywhere but in the mind. It is a healing ...a putting away this notion of "suffering" and "problem" for what is real. It is  recognizing that reality in ourselves and in the person who states they have a so called problem.

Well that is the way I see it but what do I know?

All is well.

ACIM (2007) A Course in Miracles : Combine Volume. Foundations for Inner Peace

Lessons 71-80

The light of truth is in us, where it was placed by God.  It is the body that is outside us, and is not our concern.  To be without a body is to be in our natural state. To recognize the light of truth is to recognize ourselves as we are.
ACIM-W-9:1-4

Edging God Out

The ego's plan for us is not God's.  I once heard Wayne Dyer using the acronym: Edging God Out...to describe ego and it sticks. 

Ego's agenda is the opposite of God's.  In fact, it does everything it can to keep us from God.  Ego holds grievances, convincing us that our problems and challenges occur out there and therefore can only be fixed out there.  It  encourages us to put all our energy into changing circumstances, controlling events and manipulating others to act and behave a certain way. Of course, this is an impossible mission and that is another part of ego's plan to keep us stuck, away from complete satisfaction and therefore away from God....to fail.  Ego's plan for our salvation then is " Seek but do not find."

While God's plan  is for us to seek salvation in the only place we can ever find it...within.  Holding grievances is the opposite of God's plan...accepting His will for us is the only means of salvation.  We simply need to ask, "What would You have me do?  Where would You have me go?  What would You have me say and to whom? " (Lesson 71) and listen for an answer.

We Are Not These Bodies

What people do in their body forms is not who they are.  Yet ego, which so wants to attack and replace God in our lives,  wants us seeing ourselves separate and alone in these vulnerable bodily forms so we depend on it rather than the truth of who we are.

When we hold grievances about what others do in their bodily form we are keeping them stuck in body limitation, we are keeping ourselves stuck in that same limitation and we are attacking God's plan for salvation.

If we create an angry world in our minds where the body is at the mercy of it, then we will need something to protect us.  Ego creates this false image of the world and our idea of separation so it can flourish as our pseudo protector. To this carefully prepared arena, where angry animals seek for prey and mercy cannot enter, the ego comes to save you. ACIM-W-72:6:1. 

In Lesson 72 we are guided to simply ask God what salvation is , admitting that we do not understand it but reminding ourselves that any grievance is an attack on God's plan for it.

Within Not Without

The world we see through ego eyes is full of idle wishes and grievances. The illusion ego creates with these things stands in our way of  seeing the truth of who we are. All our suffering is generated by seeing the world in this way ego wants us to see it and it all happens in our mind.  Your picture of the world can only mirror what is within.  The source of neither light or darkness can be found without.ACIM-W-73:5:1-3

As long as we continue to agree with ego's version of the world we will suffer. When we see it all as illusion and forgive, choosing to see the world through spirit's light we heal. Grievances darken your mind, and you look out at a darkened world.  Forgiveness lifts the darkness, reasserts your will, and lets you look upon a world of light.  ACIM-W-73:5:3-4

We simply need to accept God's plan for us and wish to remember Who we really are. We  will there to be  light so we can see we are aligned with God's will for us. (Lesson 73)

God's is the Only Will

We find great peace when we realize there is only One Will so therefore there can be no conflict.  The only Will is God's.  All ideas that conflict with that are not real. Nothing can disturb us when we accept that reality.  He will offer us the only peace we need. ( Lesson 74)

The Light has Come

Lesson 75 teaches us that the light has come. When we don't see ego's shadow hovering over our world... darkness, turmoil and death disappear. We see that  we are already healed, that we are already saved, that we are already at peace. More than that, we see that we can share this light and peace.  We can heal and we can save.


No Laws But God's

There are  certain laws we adhere to at ego's bidding. You really think you will starve unless you have stacks of green paper strips and piles of  metal discs. You really think a small round pellet or some fluid pushed into your veins through a sharpened needle will ward off disease and death.  You really think you are alone unless another body is with you. ACIM-W-76: 3:2-4


Lesson 76 tells us these are not laws but insane ideas we believe in order to protect the body so we are saved. The only thing we need to be saved from is the mind. The body is not the only being hurt.  The mind is hurting itself.  The body is endangered by the mind that hurts itself.  The body suffers just in order that the mind will fail to see it is a victim to itself.  The body's suffering is a mask the mind holds up to hide what really suffers. ACIM-W-76:5:2-4

We do not have to obey the so called laws of medicine, economics, health.  There is only one law we are under and that law is God's.  We need to hear what God's law is all about by going inward and listening in quiet stillness.

Entitled to Miracles

You are entitled to miracles because of what you are.  you will receive miracles because of what God is.  And you will offer miracles becsue you are one with God. We are entitled to miracles and we can choose them over grievances. ( Lesson 77 ; 78)

Solving Problems

We need to recognize what a problem is before we can solve it.  The only real problem we have is this idea that we are separated from our Source and therefore from each other. This is the source of all our problems yet we do not see it that way.  When we are wrapped up in ego's fantasies we see ourselves as separate and as separate beings we have a host of individual problems to sort through on a daily basis.  Our heads are full of problematic thoughts that we assume are our problems because they keep us from peace.  Identification with this mindscape keeps us from seeing what the real problem is which is that we see ourselves as separate. Once we recognize this as the  problem, it is solved. (Lesson 79)

One Problem; One Solution

In Lesson 80 we are to recognize that our problems have been solved.  There is only one problem, therefore only one solution. Let me recognize this problem has been solved

All is well in my world!

ACIM (2007) A Course in Miracles; Combined Volume. Workbook Lessons 71-80. Foundation for Inner Peace

The Now Does Not Swing Back and Forth

The Now is deeper than what happens in the now.
Eckhart Tolle

I am reminded of this truth as I reread yesterday's entry.  That entry reflects how I am going back and forth between  life circumstance  to simple presence.

In ego's world I am waiting on some moment in the future to relieve me or to send me on another series of life events.  It is all about the circumstance. 

In Self's world I am simply still, present in this moment which is the space on which all these life events are taking place. It is the space on which the wait is appearing...but it is not the waiting.

Going back and forth, as that little 100 Days  thingy I jotted down yesterday implies, is like a swinging pendulum.( I wrote about  this pendulum last June in reference to the Way/the Tao).  Duality takes us from "It's all good" to "It's absolutely horrible"; from past to future... but the only place this duality exists is in our minds when we ascribe labels to circumstances.  When we do that we do not see beyond the life event to the precious moment  on which it sits. That moment doesn't swing back and forth.  It just is where it is. It is still.  Sigh!

Eckhart Tolle, in an interview with Patrick Kicken, explains how essential it is for us to get beyond this duality, which is often fed by our use of language and our need to explain things using mental concepts, to the still moment.

For example we often use the term "My Life".  This is a form of duality  creating a separation from a life we own and what we are.  There cannot be a "My Life" when we are Life. My Life is just a thought form and we are actually the light of consciousness beneath the thought. (Eckhart Tolle).

So I have this wait going on on  the surface of Self...on the Life that I am.  It and all I think about it  is like a passing cloud over the spacious stillness that is who we all are. 

"Little me" may jump in and add drama, story and all kinds of grievances and thoughts to keep me believing I am stuck in that cloud but if I really want to I can see beyond the clouds, the thinking, the life event to what is truly real... to what  is never moving, nameless, timeless, thought less...The Now.  I want to be there. :)

All is well!

Eckhart Tolle (Feb, 2018) Eckhart Tolle & Patrick Kicken-Complete Interview. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr-BK7Uc9xA&frags=pl%2Cwn

100 Days of Waiting

100 Days

100 days and over 14 weeks since my symptoms began.
100 days of wondering,
100 days of worry,
100 days of knowing something is going on in my body,
100 days of wanting others to tell me what is going on in my body
100 days of diagnosing myself,
100 days of seeking validation outside myself
100 days of minimizing the possibility,
100 days of maximizing the possibility,
100 days of accepting either possibility,
100 days of "what if"ing the Life right out of me,
100 days of  Life reminding me what it is
100 days of getting lost in some future in my head
I00 days of reminding myself, all there is is now,
100 days of being convinced that I can handle this,
100 days of doubting that I can,
100 days of getting beyond worry only  to slip back into worry again,
100 days of slips,
100 days of picking myself up from the mess my mind wants to leave me in,
100 days of getting by,
100 days of losing myself in numbing activity (thank God for Netflix),
100 days of finding myself in quiet stillness, in presence, in now
100 days of not knowing,
100 days of settling into this and accepting the not knowing,
100 days of learning to find peace,
100 days of failing miserably,
100 days of gratitude for this wonderful opportunity to learn,
100 days of feeling forced into a class I wasn't ready to take
100 days of honoring the teacher,
100 days of wanting to throw my books at the teacher,
100 days of lying to those I love when they ask how I am,
100 days of forcing a smile,
100 days of pouring it all out on the page to people I have never met
100 days of frustration and confusion,
100 days of finding peace in the confusion
100 days of tossing back and forth at night,
100 days of being  bloody tired and falling asleep during the day,
100 days of reminding myself that I am not my body,
100 days of sinking with every ache or twinge or pain,
100 days of telling myself I am taking this on for another,
100 days of wanting someone to take this on for me,
100 days of cursing those who made me wait,
100 days of cursing  myself for cursing them,
100 days of forgiving others for their unconsciousness,
100 days of forgiving myself for mine,
100 days of wanting the waiting to end,
100 days of being terrified that it will.

Dale-Lyn, Feb. 2020

Sigh!  I am not sure why the hundred day marker of my wait has hit me so hard.  I don't know why I am counting the days.  I guess, it all seems so surreal that a person had to wait this long with this worry.  Every day marks another degree of incredulousness. It is also quite impressive that a not yet evolved  person can wait that long without completely losing it lol. Every day I wait and am still able to come here, is evidence of my healing at the deeper level.  

I obviously spent those 100 days dancing back and forth between ego and Self in my coping. As you can tell by my entries on this internal struggle beginning on November 22nd 2019 (11 days after the symptoms began)  it has been challenging. Thank God I had those moments in Self awareness or I would have been a lot worse off. 

I am grateful that this is happening at this point in my life where  I am actively seeking to be more conscious. I am beginning to see clearly and understand things differently.  I am sure in the long run, regardless of what this turns out to be, this circumstance will prove to be a catalyst in my awakening. For that I am grateful.

I do want the wait  to end...the part of me that is not evolved yet (including my body itself) is taking a beating from this wait.  It really is.  At the same time I am terrified of having to face what this might mean in the long run once the wait is over.  Self isn't afraid...but "little me" is

I feel guilty that I didn't make better use of this time.  Maybe the wait itself was a gift, you know?  Maybe it was an opportunity to get everything in order, to cross off some things on my bucket list, spend precious quality time with my loved ones while I am not heavily burdened down with an actual  knowing of something I would rather not know?  I didn't make use of that time.  I spent those 100 days just trying to get by.  Sigh!

Even if this turns out to be absolutely nothing, as it could, it will be hard to accept that I spent almost four months of my life in this mental struggle between Self and ego when I could have been living fully and openly.  Maybe we can all learn from that.

Don't wait until you have a 100 day wait like this to do your learning, okay? Live your life now!  Get out of your head and open up to all that is ! It is all so wonderful!

All is well!

Willing to Have It So

Be willing to have it so.  Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences to any misfortune.
William James

I take James' advice a step further and change that word "misfortune" to 'Life Event'.  'Misfortune' is a judgment, a label that implies something to the mind that is negative.  We do not need to make those judgments and place those "good" or "bad" labels on our experiences. They simply are.

There is a lot going on around me in the form of new and surprising life events. I got told some news yesterday ( no not about my own body situation) that two years ago would have thrown me in a tizzy.  I just responded, "It is what it is. It is neither good or bad. We need to accept all that Life gives us, see it as a gift and live it."  I hugged my loved one  and went on with my day.

I am literally in a position of looking out about me as a quiet accepting, observer.  I wonder, more in curious amazement than with apprehension, what Life is going to show me next.  Wow! I really have come quite far.

It will be what it will be!  It is what it is!

All is well in my world.

Love is Eternal

Love is Eternal.

I Corinthians 13:8:1

It is as sure that those who hold grievances will suffer guilt,

as it is certain that those who forgive will find peace. 

It is as sure that those who hold grievances will forget who they are,

as it is certain that those who forgive will remember.

ACIM-W-68:3:2-3

When What is Perfect Comes

For our gifts of knowledge and of inspired messages are only partial; but when what is perfect comes, then what is partial will disappear. .. What we see now is like a dim image in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. What I know now is only partial; then it will be complete-as complete as God's knowledge of me.
I Corinthians 13:9-10; 12 (Good News Bible)

Hmmm! It was Valentine's yesterday and I was thinking about love. I was thinking of Love as  being who we are as mentioned in lesson 67.  Then I was  wondering  what it actually is beyond this fairy tale idea of it we ascribe to as a culture.  I know Love is so much more than a quick conditional fix we get from being with another in hope they will fill us up.  True Love goes way beyond this image we have of Love.

What we think we know about Love, about life, about being human and about God is so limited.  We are only partially and dimly seeing our selves and the world when we look through these eyes on our head.  When what is perfect comes...however...we will see clearly and our knowledge will be complete.

What is this perfect thing we wait for? 

A Course calls it the "Holy Instant". It is that moment we reach the  Heaven that is within us. "The kingdom of God does not come in such a way as to be seen.  No one will say, 'Look here it is!' or 'There it is!'; because the Kingdom of God is within you."  ( Luke 17:20-21; Good News Bible).

This is what waking up is, what enlightenment, true understanding through connection with our Source is. It is  remembering  who we are and an opening up to the truth. 

When we see through the eyes of what ACIM refers to as the Holy Spirit ...we connect to Self and see clearly.  All the illusions of the world and of others and of "little me" disappear and we will know completely.  Love is not just a feeling. We are Love.  Love is eternal. Love is perfect!

I was reminded of this  passage in Corinthians :

Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous; love is never boastful or conceited;

it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and it is not resentful.

Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins and delights in the truth;

it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope; and to endure whatever comes.

I Corinthians 13:4-7 9 (Jerusalem Bible)

This is what we seek as we evolve into the beings we are here to be; the beings we already are but forget we are:  

When we can get to the point in our lives we respond to the world as Love all our fearful illusions will disappear.  We will then find true peace and happiness in doing what God intends for us to do.

Like Love, we are to be  patient and kind to all beings including ourselves. 

We find  no reason to be jealous or arrogant.  Rudeness and selfishness are not issues for the evolving Self  because we see ourselves in all.

We do not collect or hold onto grievances when we see through Love's vision.  Anger and resentment is not necessary because Love sees beyond the surface layer of human behaviour to the essence of Love in all things.  It sees Itself...and not as a dim image in a mirror but face to face with what is real.  

In its peaceful acceptance of things as being what they are we, as Love, are set free from our suffering.  We are complete.

 All is well!

 

ACIM (2007) A Course in Miracles:Combined Volume; Workbook-Lessons 61-70. Foundations For Inner Peace.

Letters from Paul to the Corinthians.  Versions: Good News Bible and Jerusalem Bible)

Lessons 61-70: Offering Light and Salvation Through Forgiveness

It is your forgiveness that will bring the world of darkness to the light.  It is your forgiveness that lets you recognize the light in which you see.  Forgiveness is the demonstration that you are the light of the world.  Through forgiveness does the truth about yourself return to your memory.  Therefore in your forgiveness is your salvation.
ACIM-W-62:1:1-5

Light of the World?

Many of us would have a hard time digesting the fact that we are "the light of the world".  That is the role reserved for God's only Son, we assume. To assume that we are a part of that Sonship and part of that role  is considered blasphemous to many Christian doctrines. Lesson 61 teaches that this is not blasphemous or grandiose arrogance.  It is pure humility.  Humility, as ego describes it, involves making ourselves small and meaningless; humility as A Course teaches involves making us aware of our God given role in salvation.  Our only function here is to do what God asks us to do ...be the light of the world.  Each and everyone of us is that light because we each have the power to forgive.


Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the function we take on as lights of the world. Our goal is to remember the truth and find out who we really are beneath all this surface illusion. This illusion leads to defense and attack thoughts; forgiveness frees us from that. Do you not then begin to understand what forgiveness will do for you? It will remove all sense of weakness, strain and fatigue from your mind. It will take away all fear and guilt and pain. (ACIM-W-62:3:2-4) If we want to be happy we need to do what we are here to do and that is forgive. (Lesson 62)

Starts with Each of Us

In order to bring peace into the world we need to bring peace and God's light  into our own minds through forgiveness.  One act of forgiveness...one act of seeing beyond illusion to truth...brings peace to everyone. (Lesson 63)

Tempted by Surface Distraction

The world we see on the surface level is very distracting, often tempting us away from true seeing to the images it offers us.  ego tells us all this stuff we see is important and will bring us happiness.  Truth tells us that happiness will only happen when we forgive/see clearly the world and ourselves  with true vision. ( Lesson 64)

Our Only Real Function

In Lesson 65 we are reminded that the only function is the one God gave us. Salvation of the world is our only function.  We save the world when we forgive it...we forgive it when we see beyond the illusions of it that pop up on the surface level to the truth beneath.  When we do that we remember who we are and who others are.  This true seeing is what the world needs.  Yet our thoughts, conditioned beliefs etc often take us from this purpose and we get lost in ego's idea of function and purpose on the surface level.  We need to remember that we only have one function and that is the one God gave us.

The Only Way to Be Happy

The thing is, the only way to be truly happy is to get beyond surface illusion to embrace the function God gave us.  We will never have peace without forgiveness. We will never have forgiveness without seeing  how the ego attacks the truth, and  is constantly attempting to steer us away with all its false promises.  We have to see how it does not and cannot make us happy.  Only God can .  If we want to be fulfilled in Life...all we need to do is accept the function God gave us.  Forgive!!! ( Lesson 66)

God Is Love and So Are We

In Lesson 67 we are reminded that God is Love , and if Love created us like Itself than we too are love. This lesson guides us into awareness of Self.  If God is holy, than so are we.  If God is kindness than so are we.  If God is helpful, than so are we...etc.  Our goal is to become more and more aware of that Self.

No Grievances

The next lesson takes us into an understanding depicted in Paul's letter to the Corinthians 13:1-13: Love holds no grievances. The Self beyond the ego...knows no grievances. To hold a grievance is to forget who you are. (ACIM-W-68:1:2) Grievances take us from this forgiving, clear seeing Self awareness back into ego's world of illusion, distraction, a need to defend and attack.  It  takes us into guilt, fear  and far away from peace. When we Love...we hold no grievances and we remember we are perfectly safe. ( Lesson 68)

Lifting the Veil

Grievances are like a veil over the light of who we really are.  They prevent us from seeing what we have hidden within us.  If we forgive, we lift this veil away so the light can shine from us to all. (Lesson 69)

Nothing Outside Us

Salvation comes from us.  Nothing outside us can save us or bring us peace  and nothing outside of us can hurt us either.  Just as the Buddhists teach...our suffering begins and ends within our minds. ( Lesson 70)


Quick summary of the lessons...wonderful learning in there people.  I hope you take it upon yourselves to study the workbook.

Foundations For Inner Peace ( 2007) ACIM: Workbook: Lessons 61-70.

Beyond the Self Concept You Have Made

"I am the light of the world"..is merely a statement of the truth about yourself.  It is the opposite of a statement of pride, of arrogance, or self-deception. It does not describe the self-concept you have made...It simply states the truth.
ACIM-W-6:1;1-7 

I am reflecting on an experience I had the other day where I realized later how much I have actually evolved. It was kind of cool to realize that. 

I had gone in for my MRI appointment and was taken to a nurse who was going to put the IV in. She didn't know me so she didn't know I was once known as a nurse or nurse educator.  She skillfully went about her business putting the IV in and doing all the "nursey" things I have always taught were important, like explaining, showing empathy and compassion for the person's experience and offering a warm blanket which is kind of  like a hug in a cold environment.

I sat there, before her as a person...barely remembering that I once identified as a nurse. I had absolutely no desire  or any need to assume or share that I was. It was just so unimportant.  I was who I truly was in that moment, a tree seemingly stripped down of all surface definition but more vibrant, more alive and more real because of it. I was rooted into something so much deeper than a role or an image. I was  there in that moment, egoless...offering some form of light I couldn't understand!!  I didn't judge her. I didn't judge myself.  I didn't care if she judged me. 

It was such an amazing experience...for me anyway.  It only lasted a few minutes lol but it was cool to know we can get to this point.

All is well.

Truth Telling

Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving.
-James E. Faust

I wrote this yesterday and realized that I have assumed a moral superiority here.  I have assumed a position of being "right" which thus makes another "wrong".  I am doing the same thing I am accusing someone else of doing...getting lost in a sense of being right and doing what is believed to be  right at all costs, even if it harms another.  I was pointing a finger at an unconscious person when I for a moment was unconscious too.  I was reminded today that "the world can not change unless this pattern changes".(Eckhart Tolle)  As a society we need to get to the point when we no longer feel the need to judge anyone or anything. I was judging.

I am going to review this entry and the story it refers to and see if I can catch the judgments and ego's sly presence sneaking in.

Critique

So I had an overwhelming compulsion yesterday to put my waiting story down here. (getting caught up in a story to justify experience, takes me from the here and now) I don't know why but I spent hours going through the information I had documented to sum my experience  up in a long winded entry .  I tried to do so as objectively as possible but emotion came out.  I realize I am  worried not just about what this might be but about someone else's agenda getting in the way of me finding out. (any time we try to figure out someone else's motivation we are lost in ego)  I am suspicious and mistrusting and that adds another dynamic to this altogether.(These are definitely ego emotions.  The truly evolved person sees no need to be suspicious...they trust Source..."Nothing real can be threatened.")

There could be nothing...absolutely nothing... of concern going on in my body.  It could likely all be chucked up to a few aging changes. I just want someone to tell me that. (That is a perfectly reasonable request).   I would also like to be able to find away to minimize the pain experience...I can handle pain so much better when I know what is causing it. (Though I do have pain and discomfort, I have interjected this here for the purpose of creating an image for myself and readers of me as a "martyr")  That leads me to believe maybe there is a need for some outside intervention and therefore a diagnosis even if it isn't anything serious. So I am not going to beat myself up for agreeing to get the tests done that I had done.

I also do not want, at this point, to get caught up in the "Why is this delay in diagnosis  happening to me?" Truth is, it is just happening and not just to me...it is likely happening to others. It may be so obviously nothing to the experts who view my test results , explaining the delays. (This is valuable interjection, bringing me for a moment away from ego and back to the  truth that I do not understand what is happening in the life situation.)

There may be no outside agendas.  Maybe, I am being paranoid and misreading the situation ( though my gut is strongly telling me I am not).   I guess I just want to know it is nothing and if I am being paranoid.(Again...more honest reflection. Truth is...I don't know!)

If it is serious, I want to know that too. Four months is a long time to wait for a serious diagnosis.  I will have to do something to protect other women from experiencing the same delay if it turns out to be. (This is obviously an ego attempt to create an image of moral superiority to justify my own buying into the defense and attack thing. Speaking truth is about creating awareness, not allies and enemies.  In true awareness there is no need for such.)Of course, I probably won't feel like doing anything but taking care of the situation at hand if that turns out to be the case. Putting  the story down here now will allow me to do some hopefully helpful  truth telling when the time comes. (I say through this truth telling  I am angry for other women and feel the need to protect them which is only partially true...this is just another way ego's need for vengeance gets rationalized)  As of now the truth (my version of it) is just a click of the finger away.

 I also  have to ensure I am doing so for the right reasons and not as an act of vengeance. ( I did realize that yesterday.)  Sometimes anger, blame  and a need to make someone pay is used as way to distract from actually feeling the pain of grief. (True) I don't want to do that either. So I write it down now before I know what the diagnosis is.

It is all good.  Bear with me.  I will get back on track with what is truly important in a bit.

Diminished!

Diminished

Diminished! Diminished!

The  wind calls out as it passes by,

tugging at my weathered bark,

urging me to cry: 

 

I was once  a flowery beacon,
for all the world to stop and praise 

but I lost all my precious blossoms

to the weather's   wicked ways.

The fruit  my limbs  once proudly bore,

thinking it was mine,

was swept away by greedy hands

for someone else's wine.

Leaves that danced in lively costume

against an Autumn sky,

have crinkled up, have fallen

and have so sadly  died.

My arms now bare and empty

reach up into the atmosphere

and as a  ghostly form of less than

my silhouette will so appear.

Diminished! Diminished !

The wind calls out as it passes by,

tugging at my weathered bark,

urging me to cry:

I  will  no longer cry out my wrath or

my need to make it right.

I  will just bow my weary head

and exhale remaining fight.

What I had  is gone now.

I stand in my new pathetic  form.

Naked, exposed and all alone

I am vulnerable to the storm.

Yet as the earth below me chills

and freezes with the frost,

I feel my roots open within the ground

and know that I was never lost.

Diminished! Diminished !

The wind calls out as it passes by,

tugging at my weathered bark,

urging me to cry:

There is a being  within me there

coursing through the veins,

opening up to allow what simply is

to free me from my chains.

This Life travels up into my trunk

and to the very tips of what I knew,

replacing the  surface illusion

with what is surely true.
 

 "I am." My branches cry out with joy as

I bend  to Life's  true song.

"It is as it is", the wind calls back

and it happily sings along .

Diminished?  Diminished?...

It may appear to the eye that does not see

but  the Self within me knows,
that loss has set me free.

Dale-Lyn , February 2020

This is an ugh!!!! poem and my belly is twisting.  I was listening to my man, Eckhart Tolle again and was inspired to write this.  It was a big urge ...but ...it was a lot of "ugh!!" lol.  Why does it come out rhyming lol?  Oh well this is what is...my ego might not be happy and that is all the more reason to leave it here.  :)

I may come back to it at some point either to remove it or fix it up.  In the meantime, we will let ego squirm a bit.  :)

All is well!

Eckhart Tolle (Feb, 2020) Ego 2019: Where Presence Deepens.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99pEoYR_Luk

It Just Is

When the ego weeps for what it has lost, the spirit rejoices for what it has gained.
-Sufi Proverb

91 days and 13 weeks since my symptoms began. 

I slept poorly last night because of the pain (discomfort), which is finding a home in my underarm now as well as the usual places. Pain in my left lower quadrant ironically started again about three weeks ago too. That also wakes me up.    I don't know why that has started again...I have not had it for over ten months...Unless there is a hormonal fluctuation going on because of all this or as the cause of all this.  The body is bloated and uncomfortable as a result of that as well. Then on top of that the ticker is acting up. I can literally hear a very slow and pathetic  clicking in my ear from the mitral valve  whenever I get quiet...it is like a dripping faucet that won't stop until one does something about it.  The point is...the body is talking and it is doing so loudly.

How Does My Mind Respond?

Rational mind hears it.  It wants to know what the heck is going on. It is putting the pieces together in some logical sequence. If I listen to it, it will drag  me down a dark and scary road while  it recites a list of things that should have been done months ago to take care of this.

Intuitive mind, on the other hand, simply says, "Shhh! Quiet now.  It is what it is.  Don't listen to the surface mental messages that come about...but the deeper ones. Don't go back...don't skip forward into some imagined reality.  Just be here now. Just know...that everything that shows up in Life, does so for a reason. And it is all good. "

To which I answer in my calm and peaceful way, "Huh???? WTF(ront door)?Are you nuts???? [By the way...I know that "front door" does not fit there but I really do not want to swear lol]

Strangely Okay?

Seriously, I am strangely okay with everything.  I am okay with the pain, both the familiar and the unfamiliar.  It truly is not so  bad I can't stand it.  Most times, I am okay with not having a plausible answer yet.  I am also surprisingly okay with the possibility of what this might be. Though the waiting on this and the "unnecessary"  delays in testing have been very frustrating and angry making at times to my ego, when I bring myself out of rational mind and ego's need to be a victim, I am okay with that too.

It Just Is

It just is.  There really is no need in getting caught up in "It shouldn't be this way? How could this be happening? Why me?"  It is not just happening "to me' as some form of sabotage.  It is happening to others too. It just is happening. It just is.

React or Allow ?

That doesn't mean that I sit back and do nothing.  I did take part in inspired actions on the way to this moment.    I went to appointments. I asked for help and accepted it when it came. I made calls when there seemed to be delays that my rational mind  could not explain as being reasonable. I did take action but....I didn't react!!!

I didn't react and that is why I am okay with this.  I didn't get lost in the mental commentary and the "what ifs". I didn't get absorbed into the frustration and the anger nor did I drown in the fear.  Oh, I know I slipped many times over teh last 13 weeks  finding myself face down in one of ego's gutters but I got myself up again and again and went back to that place where ego can't go. 

This thing I have been dealing with over the last three months has been challenging in ego terms and in  terms the rational mind can understand but what a wonderful, wonderful opportunity it has given me to wake up a little more.  When I simply allow it to be as it is without struggle or resistance, a wonderful healing place opens up inside of me.

So regardless if this proves to be something very life altering or not, I have no control over that, I am truly grateful for where Life is taking me.

All is well.

Coming Here Against the Faithful Servant's Advice

The intuitive  mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.
Albert Einstein


Ahhh!  I am confused again. Why am I here? Why do I keep coming to this page? 

If it is about doing something "productive" and "helpful"  there is a list of things a mile long that I could be doing (many would say, "should" be doing)  instead to help the people I love, to help myself, and inadvertently help the world...

And if it is about some type of "gain" I would probably gain more  external award from doing  anything on that list  than what I am likely to get from being here. Yet I tend to forgo other things to come here.

It is such an important part of my day and I do not understand it completely.  Part of me still likes to understand why I do the things I do and why things in my Life are showing up the way they are.  I am much more "accepting" and "allowing" of the incomprehensible but I still have a very analytical mind.

It is not my rational mind that drags me here every morning. It is my intuitive. 

My rational mind tells me I am no expert in anything.  I am still just learning all the stuff I write here.  Who do I think I am?

My rational mind tells me that this putting myself out there the way I do does not click with this reserved and stoic self I want to project out into the world. Yet here I am...pulled every morning to this chair where I sit and write about things my rational mind still refuses to accept completely. It is uncanny really.

There are some very selfish reasons for being here:

• I like to write...in fact...I need to write.  Writing ( and to a lesser extent speaking)  is how I express this Life experience I have been manifested into.  And for some reason I feel it has to be expressed whether others want it to be or not; whether my rational mind agrees or not.  :)  This site  provides a medium for me.
• I like to teach...teaching is another one of those things that just comes out of me.  I find "joy" in it.  Most importantly, I find learning in it...
• I love to learn .  I am constantly learning and as I learn...I write, than I teach...so that "I" can make sense of the learning. That is how it has always worked for me...so now that I am no longer standing in front of a classroom...this helps "me".
• It is fun and feels purposeful putting a bit of meaning back into my day that I might have been lacking.  I lose all track of time while I am here.  I am in the moment!
• And the meaningless issues I am struggling with when I come here, disappear. Or at the very least I can put those issues into perspective  as I write...which is healing.  So though this blog may not be healing to others...it is healing for me.
• I truly do want to share something that I believe could be a benefit to someone else.  I have seemingly lost so much over the last decade or so: heath, career, loved ones to death,  relationships, money, financial security, so many things etc etc...and because of that I have gained more than I ever thought possible to gain.  I have gained an understanding that I want to share with te world...so people do not have to lose a lot before they understand too.

I am sure there is some not so healthy "ego" reasons for being here too:

• I have this "helping" thing I do that allows me to create and maintain an image of myself that compensates for my perceived inadequacies. (I believe a good 80 % of the nurses I know...have this in them). So part of me wants to be seen as a "helper" so I can keep that image nice and shiny, especially since I had to give up my RN title before "ego' was ready to do so.
• There is still a small part of me that wants recognition for doing something "good", for being somewhat talented, for being liked and appreciated .  And though this site does not register followers and haphazardly tells me how many readers I get a day, which can be anywhere from 3- 100 plus...and even though I am writing about things I know  could be even considered offensive to strong belief systems that differ from my own...I still get that hope that I will get that recognition here. It is almost a bit pathetic...lol...well that is how "Shamer Ego' describes it as.  I want to be beyond that pettiness and it pains me a bit when I realize I am not.  I definitely do not want that to be my guiding motivation for coming here.  I feel a little relieved when I reflect that I still happily write along when reader numbers are close to 0.  Rational mind shakes its head.
• It distracts me from the outside world that seems to be so demanding at times.  It is an escape...and I can run  into this blog so I don't have to deal with all the other things calling for my attention.
• It is a good excuse for my "writer's block".  I have not been working on my novel...but I can say at the end of the day that I did get a word count in...I did write even if it wasn't what I intended to write.
• It is something "I do"....I am still not 100% comfortable with just being and feel I need to do something everyday.  I do this. Rational mind agrees with this one.

Regardless of why I come here I know I am going to keep coming.  I am going to keep writing, teaching and learning.

What does that make me?  Crazier than a bag of hammers for coming here to spit this new  understanding and awareness out all over the page?  Is so...so be it!

I just know that I probably couldn't stop if I tried. Intuitive mind is a gift that pulls me here and rational mind can do nothing but obey as a somewhat reluctant but  faithful servant.

All is well.

Some Important Questions

Do I desire a world I rule instead of one that rules me?
Do I desire a world where I am powerful instead of helpless?
Do I desire a world in which I have no enemies and cannot sin?
And do I want to see what I denied because it is the truth?
ACIM-T-21:VII:5:11-14

For many of us answering the first three questions is easy. We would likely answer yes.  We want to rule instead of be  ruled,  be powerful instead of helpless, and live in a place where there is no enemy or where we cannot sin...right?  Yet we may choke a little bit before we sputter out an answer to the last question.

Do you want to see what you denied for so long because it is the truth? 

Now the truth is like the sunlight those poor slaves in Plato's Cave experienced. After years of adjusting our eyes to dim light and calling it reality...facing this intense thing called truth can be something we fear. We figure it will be painful...but more than that it marks a permanent transcendence.

When we decide to look at the world with God's eyes instead of through these little orbs on our heads things change forever.  We are accepting true vision.   Once we accept the vision  sunlight provides and open our eyes fully to it...there is no retreating back into the caves.  There is no going back.  It is a complete and permanent step forward. The world we thought we knew will crumble into pieces and we will see something we never knew existed before.

Are you ready to give up everything you thought you knew and believed to be real  for this something you spent your life time denying , at some level, ever existed? That is a big leap of faith, isn't it?

Are you ready to put down your own weapons of defense, your judgments, your separating borders, your belief in sin, your ideas about who is an enemy and who isn't and accept that these things are not necessary or even real? That the sunlit world is one of peace where you will be completely safe and happy?

If you struggle with that last question as most of us do...look about the world that you presently see with the body's eyes...see the suffering in it, the violence, the fear.  See that any form of happiness it manages to provide is temporary and conditional. Then ask?

Is this what I would see?  Do I want this? (ACIM-T-21: VII:8:4-5)

 

Something to ponder! Don't deny true eternal happiness in order to settle for shadows on the wall.

 

No one decides against his happiness, but he may do so if he does not see he does it.  And if he sees his happiness as ever changing, now this, now that, and now an elusive shadow attached to nothing, he does decide against it. ( ACIM-T-21: VII: 12:5-6)

 

All is well!

Adjusting to the Light

Eyes become used to darkness, and the light of brilliant day seems painful to the eyes grown long accustomed to the dim effects perceived at twilight. And they turn away from sunlight and the clarity it brings to what they look upon.
ACIM-T-25:VI:2:1-2

Sometimes we stay stuck in our old ways of seeing the world which is a result of our conditioned thinking because it is easier.  Facing a different, unfamiliar truth can actually be painful because it takes us out of our comfort zones.  We may resist the light even if it frees us from darkness, from suffering.

The Allegory of the Cave

This reminds me of  Plato's Allegory in  the   Republic.  Socrates tells the story of how the  images slaves viewed on a dimly fire lit  cave wall  became their reality. If freed from the cave the slave might run out into daylight only to become extremely afraid of the light he had never known.  It would hurt his eyes and he might even run back into the prison to escape this painful, unfamiliar thing. If he were to be dragged forcibly up a hill to face the sun...not only would he angrily resist being  forced to endure pain from the unfamiliar light in his eyes...the sun could actually blind him.

Fear of Leaving the Comfort Zone

So when we are conditioned to see a certain way, believe a certain thing from our past teachers be they parents, friends, enemies,  actual educators  or experiences we adjust and accommodate to a certain way of perceiving and understanding life.  Our world view  becomes comfortable and familiar, even if it causes suffering and a sense of being imprisoned in it. Even if we are only able to see dim shadows of truth we will often settle into our familiar  belief systems, our perceptions and call it "reality".

If we are offered another version, possibly a clearer brighter version that could free us we may resist it , look away from it and retreat back into our habitual minds where we find a certain familiarity and comfort.  It is too painful sometimes to look at what we do not understand. And if we are forced into that learning it may be too much for our human minds to undertake. It may blind us, preventing us from seeing anything clearly.

Back to the Lessons

So as those first fifty lessons in ACIM teaches...we are often seeing and perceiving a fearful, dangerous world from a limited imprisoned mind.  What we look upon in this view is only shadows of reality and not reality.  Many of us are afraid to look out upon the truth even if it is  beautiful, bright and clear, even if it frees us from suffering.  Every time we step away from what is familiar it causes discomfort to the "little me", the "ego". We are then encouraged by that part of our mind to retreat back into the shadows even if it means a life of being stuck in these crazy monkey minds. We are often willing to accept darkness, suffering, imprisonment over the temporary pain of adjusting to truth.

We can Adjust

The pain that comes from learning is temporary.  If we are introduced(re-introduced) to light, clarity, clear vision gradually and without force we can eventually be freed of our conditioned minds.  Learning can not be forced upon us...true...we need to be ready for it... but learning to see differently can save us and the world. This learning is the waking up process I and so many others often speak of.

We all have our established belief systems be they religious, political, social, collective or personal.  We often adhere to these belief systems because they help us to define who we think we are.  We will also often  fearfully resist other belief systems sometimes to the point of vengeance. This leads to separation, defense and attack which then leads to all kinds of unnecessary suffering inflicted on and received by the world around us.  All because we are choosing to see this way, to stay imprisoned in our conditioned minds and to think and see according to that.  All this when there is a bright, beautiful sun lit and peaceful  world outside our mental caves waiting to receive us. We can always choose that rather than being stuck in the cave.

I am still squinting

I am not hear to push you outside or to drag you up any hill.  I am not here to force any belief on you.  Heck...my beliefs are all over the place now as I learn. I am not sure what I believe anymore as I question. 

All I can do is unshackle myself from the familiar chains that imprison me, gingerly step out side...squint and half cover my eyes until I can open them enough to see clearly all that is around me. I can only question my own imprisonment and seek to free myself by opening my mind to another possibility of seeing before I am even able to open my eyes fully to the light of truth.

It is a process and it all starts with being willing to question if these shadow images we look upon are really all there is.

All is well in my world.

Note: the spell check is not working on this site. Excuse any remaining typos I may have missed. :)

ACIM ( 2007) A Course in Miracles Combined Volume.  Workbook, Lesson 41-50 and Text-Chapter 25.  Foundations for Inner Peace

Plato (2000) The Republic. Dover Thrift Editions

Review I

The purpose of your learning is to enable you to bring the quiet with you, and to heal distress and turmoil.
ACIM-W-Review I: 4:4 

At the end of so many lessons, ACIM provides a review for the learning of the lessons just covered.  This review will cover the next ten lessons.

It is important to review.  As an educator, I relied heavily on doing reviews after a session was covered to highlight the important areas of learning I wanted my students to master.  It is cool to see A Course doing the same.

Key points of the last fifty lessons:

• What we think we see with the body's eyes is actually taking the place of real vision
• Our self destructive judgments give false meaning to everything we see and are not based on reality.  Therefore we do not understand anything we see and what we do see means nothing. 
• We are never upset for the reasons we think we are.  We are upset because we are constantly having to justify these unreal thoughts we have and because we have replaced reality, which is always peaceful, with illusion which too often isn't.
• We often see through eyes of conditioning, of past and our minds are often "stuck" in that, therefore we are unable to see anything as it is now.  We need to learn to forgive and give the past away.
• We do not recognize that our mind cannot be apart from God and tend to focus only on our "little me" thoughts which mean nothing
• These meaningless thoughts the little me creates are showing us a crazy, chaotic, and scary  meaningless world.  This upsets us and causes fear. We need to remind ourselves that God did not create a meaningless world and that our thoughts are just false images we have made.
• Our thoughts...the ones we create without God are not neutral...we are always thinking in terms of black or white so we cannot see neutral things.  Everything we feel or experience then are a result of our judgments.
• We need to realize that what we see or think impacts the entire world and therefore must be determined to see clearly, to see things differently, to see things through eyes of Love instead of eyes of vengeance/attack and defense
• We are invulnerable but our attack thoughts make us feel vulnerable. In order to tap back into that invulnerability we need to remember that God is in  everything we see because God is in our mind.  To see differently we need to remember Who we are.
• We are only victims to the mind the little me uses to create fear.  There is another more peaceful way of looking at the world.  We can choose peace instead.  We are after all very holy because our minds are parts of God.
• This holiness surrounds everything we see, blesses the entire world and can do absolutely everything.  Most importantly this holiness, as a blessed child of God, frees us from our mind.
• God is with us wherever we go giving us strength and clear vision.  God is our Source and we cannot be apart from Him. He is the light by which we see and the mind by which we think.

You will yet learn that peace is part of you, and requires only that you be there to embrace any situation in which you are. ACIM-W-Review I:5:1