Not Complaining!

 The truly patient man[person] neither complains of his hard luck or desires to be pitied by others. He speaks of his sufferings in a natural, true and sincere way without murmuring, complaining or exaggerating them. 

St. Francis de Sales

Not Complaining

Before I begin today's thought, I want to say that by no means am I  regretting my experience as of late though it may certainly seem that I am complaining. Though I am far from there yet, my goal is to be truly patient.  It may have seemed like I was complaining yesterday, for example,  when I was saying how I had too many other things to "do" to allow for  a poem that wanted to come up.  It may have seemed that I was reactive, resentful and frustrated because others and life circumstance wouldn't let me write  but that is not what I meant.  Though it is a bit uncomfortable to not have the flow come out when it wants to...I made the choice to do other things. I absolutely love spending time with my grandchildren.   Every moment I have with them is just a joy....even if there is some notion of "doing" and "effort that comes with it, and even if I have to put aside my writing.   

Love the choices I make

I also love teaching yoga even when preparing for a class requires effort and it can get frustrating when the effort goes unrewarded by people not showing up. Has nothing to do with the income. I have no delusions about making a living teaching yoga, just as I don't have such a fantasy about making a living writing.  Not why I teach. I do not teach for money...it seems almost counter intuitive to  Don't get me wrong, I have a charge for each class...punch card system. ...but I probably offer more "free" classes than I do paid classes. I see yoga, like my writing here, as a gift I am meant to share. I will accept and appreciate  payment but I don't do either for payment. Anyway,  I spent a good portion of my morning before my grandchildren and student arrived cleaning and preparing my studio...which had to be done anyway...which is a positive thing.  Extra planning and effort was required in my goal of being able to teach a potentially larger class while my grand children were here. As it happened only one student showed and God Bless her...It ended up that my grandchildren would not go down for the naps I was so sure they would at that time...so I couldn't teach anyway.  She had an independent study day which she didn't seem to mind.  I did my practice later when my grand-kids were back with their parents. 

All about the Learning

And it may seem like I am complaining when I speak so often of this restlessness, worry and doubt I have been experiencing lately. It is not my intention to complain...only to understand where it is coming from and what it has to teach  me.  I know it is very significant and has some hidden gem of wisdom in it. I share my process of attempting to understand it because I see how valuable these things are to universal life learning. I am by no means saying that the restlessness, worry and doubt is "wrong" , "bad" or "shouldn't be".  I am actually grateful for it. Sure they are hindrances to enlightenment...but only if we remain unaware of them.  I am grateful because I am aware of them...they have become valuable learning directives that I want to explore.  The more I look into this experience, write about it, the more I can feel the tangle and knot they have created in my body and mind unraveling slowly, bit by bit.  I think that is amazing.

Anyway...it turned out to be a lovely day...and though it is not about the "doing" I got a lot "done"...without striving to. And it was fun.My grand daughter was fascinated with pine cones and spent hours collecting them from beneath the big trees in my yard and putting them in a bucket.  It was a joy to watch her experiencing so much joy over the simplest of things (Later that evening,  I was reminded of the significance of the pine cone...which I will speak about at another time). The house got semi-cleaned , at least. Meals were made and enjoyed. I finally got a shot of my three grandchildren together for my wall. And...I did meditate, and write even if I didn't do as much as I wanted to.  So I am happy!  

Not complaining! Just sharing. 

All is well.