Only through responsible choice can you choose consciously to cultivate and nourish the needs of your soul, and to challenge and release the wants of your personality. ...It is the choice to follow the voice of your higher Self, your soul.
Gary Zukav, page 123
Hmmm! I am still having these bouts of relentlessness and worry...still not completely aware of their roots...just feel them in my core, which happens to be the power chakra. The location of this feeling in my body tells me I am feeling a loss of control of something. On top of this restlessness and worry, I also feel a certain amount of frustration and dissatisfaction with what is...all this when I am reading about power when it comes to choice....each human being struggles so deeply with power: the lack of it, the acquisition of it, what it is really, how one should have it. Underlying every crisis, emotional, spiritual, physical, and psychological is the issue of power.
I am struggling with power, I guess. Struggling with the power needed to carve out time in my day to do that which I am intending will bring me closer to my higher Self. I know that when we are making the vertical path ( spiritual awakening) our chosen direction we are heading toward empowerment. Each and every step we take toward stillness, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, non judgement, peace, and Universal Love...what the Soul wants...we are empowering ourselves. Every time we give into worldly pursuits and the wants of the personality we are dis-empowering self. I want to nourish and cultivate the needs of the soul, yet, I am still so tangled up in the world. I am constantly being pulled , it seems, in the most innocent of ways away from my "planned practice" each day and into worldly things. For example, I find myself worried about money, serving society, being productive and doing enough. Part of me is not satisfied with just being. Instead of solitude, another example, I am now surrounded by beings who seem to need me...and I love these beings and want to spend time with them and nurture them...but their needs and desires are taking me from my daily practice. Lately, I find myself reacting to the interruptions with frustration and maybe even resentment. I still do what I set out to do but it isn't in a flow...and I sit to write much later in the day than I used to. For some reason when I sit to write after noon...when I look at the clock and see how my morning has gone...that is when the restlessness and worry starts, the frustration, and whatever else I may be feeling. That obviously is a personality thing. (Soul does not wear a watch) I am obviously still attached to this world and all the things it claims is important. Though a very big part of me wants to go vertical, another part of me is resisting going deeper and wants to find some form of safety and contentment on the horizontal plane.
This awareness that I am restless, worried, frustrated and possibly resentful is a very positive thing. It is showing me that I am still tempted by the world. I am still being pulled in but I have a choice. We always have a choice...to follow the wants of the personality or the needs of the Soul. It is that dynamic through which each soul is graciously offered the opportunity to challenge those parts of itself that resist Light.
I have been resisting Light. I am going to ask for help not to do that anymore.
It is all good.
All is well in my world.
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