Renounce

 Renounce all notions... And  renounce the renouncer of those notions. When even the notion of the ego sense has ceased, you will be like infinite space. 

The Yoga Vasistha

All is well! 

Are You Operating From a Humble Spirit?

When the effort that finishes last in time has the same value that finishes first, when the quality of the immortal, timeless soul is honored instead of the time-bound personality and body, when your giving is not impeded by fear of vulnerability, when the size, color, or shape of what you receive or do not receive does not matter, you will know the power of a humble spirit. 

Gary Zukav, page 215

In Chapter 15: Power, Zukav explains that there are four basic characteristics of the authentically empowered human being: humility, forgiving nature, clarity and lovability. 

I am stuck on humble. The authentically empowered human is first of all, humble. I want so badly to be humble but I wonder if I am operating from a truly humble spirit or if my ego is just trying to create an image of humility so I feel spiritually superior? When I read the above passage, which by the way could have been taken from a passage in the Tao Te Ching, I began to question just how truly humble I am. 

When the effort that finishes last in time has the same value that finishes first...

(There is definitely a verse in the Tao that pretty much covers this notion...I just cannot remember where it is right now.) If we put just as much effort in the beginning of our endeavor as we do in the end...without faltering, without getting caught up in the need to competitively get ahead or "win". If we are not concerned with how we place in the scheme of things or in comparison to others...valuing what we do without attachment to outcome, unconcerned whether we are first or last, ....then we will know a humble spirit.    

When the quality of the immortal, timeless soul is honored instead of the time-bound personality and body....

When we recognize and salute ( as in "Namaste" ) , appreciate and revere the soul in ourselves and others; when we see and revere the endless, changeless nature of it over the impermanent, unreal and insignificant nature of the "little me" which is made up of body and mind, a false  identity we create...then we will know a humble spirit.

When your giving is not impeded by fear of vulnerability...

When we can give of ourselves without fear of what will happen to "little me" , without fear that we will expose its weaknesses and imperfections when we put ourselves out there to give what we have to give, that we may be setting  it up for failure, leaving  it defenseless and unprotected , taking away from it in order to give therefore creating loss,  ...if we can get beyond that fear and that notion that we have to defend "little me"so that we can give  freely from the heart  ...then we will know a humble spirit. 

When the size, color, or shape of what you receive or do not receive does not matter...

When we perceive Life's offerings without judgement, and distinction, labeling or describing...when we don't demand that Life gives us certain, specific things in a certain, specific way...when we trust Life enough to let it decide what we should have  or what we shouldn't have...not grasping or pushing away...when we openly accept Life as it unfolds in front of us without attachment to any of it, appreciating all of it...then we will know a humble spirit. 

When we can stop asking for or grasping for those things we do not need even when the mind tells us we do, if we can simply trust that the Universe has our back...that it knows what we truly need and it will provide, if we see that when we don't get that promotion or that publication that is just the Universe's way of saying we really didn't need it for our growth...and that broken leg or divorce...may be exactly what you needed on your journey toward love and wisdom....then we will truly know a humble spirit. 

Working on it.  What about you? 

A humble spirit does not ask for more than it  needs, and what it needs the Universe provides. A humble spirit is content with the fulfillment of its authentic needs,and is not burdened with artificial needs. page 216

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

King Janak's Example of Conquering the Mind

 Oh, I know at last the thief who has robbed me of the Atmic jewel of my Self.  His name is Mind. Long and grievously I have suffered, I shall impale him with his own bright sword of thought. 

I sat with a loved one in distress last evening and listened to her relay a very familiar story, one that many, many  minds create, one that causes great stress and unease inside her.  She relayed her misery over  failed attempts of reaching that which she was grasping for from the outside world in hope that it would bring her peace. Without it, her mind was convincing her,  she was doomed to a life without peace.  I wanted so badly to tell her that her suffering was a wonderful thing.  It could be a door that could bring her to  true everlasting peace if she could only look at it that way. It could lead her away from listening to the mind.   I wanted to tell her to stop her grasping because that is what was   keeping her from that which she was seeking.  I wanted to tell her to stop looking "out there" for her fulfillment.  That everything she needed was already within her...and the peace that would fulfill her would only be found by stopping, slowing down, relaxing into what is and going inward as King Janak had done. As she spoke about her stress and how her mind just wouldn't stop becasue of all the things that were happening in her Life...I wanted to explain to her that it was her mind that was the problem not what Life was doing  and that she could, she could master it. I wanted to tell her all this and though I may have slipped a few suggestions, a few pieces of this ancient and eternal wisdom into our conversation when it could apply,  for the most part, I just bit my tongue and listened.  

How do we teach this younger generation this truth so they can heal?  I am still trying to figure that out. 

In the Vasistha the story of a noble, kind and virtuous  emperor by the name of King Janak is told. Inspired by sages meditating in his gardens King Janak turned away from his wealth and all the trappings of the outer world to meditate and through that he found his freedom and great wisdom. 

The unrealities of me and you have dropped away, and I will never permit them to return.  Victory is mine over the mighty adversary of mind, who despoiled me of Atmic wisdom[ awareness of the true Self], and pain has ceased its affliction.  I have attained a life of sustained peace.  Great wisdom has rolled back the ponderous door to freedom.

Can we teach our youth, heck...can we teach ourselves to go about or daily lives, our duties without longing for more, without being caught up in  the  past and future so they are fully embraced in the what is of now, so they are serene and peaceful regardless of what is happening in their lives?  Wouldn't that be wonderful? 

We just need to find a way through that resistance, that is apparent in so many of us, to a better and easier way of being. 

As the warm sun in the sky, without volition[ will, effort or striving? ] or desire, causes the growth of seeds in the ground, so King Janak performed the duties, which arise daily without exaltation or longing.  Giving heed neither to the past nor the future, productive as such cognition is of discontent, King Janak met them serenely, with an undivided heart and  mind.

All is well. 

Yoga Vasistha as translated by Rishi Sing Gherwal (2021) Kindle

Are They Really That Important?

 It is not possible for you to experience the complete emergence of your soul when you are clouded over by artificial needs. When that happens all you can see are artificial needs, and you see them as being ever so important, ever so significant, but are they really? 

Gary Zukav, 207

Are they really?

Is the need for you to get ahead, to have that person treat you in the way they should treat you, to get promoted at work, to buy that house, to own that car, to have that amount of money in your account, to get published, to be noticed, to be thought of by others as "successful" etc etc etc...really that important? Is it possible that your striving to have these needs met, your trying to gain power outside yourself,  is getting you in trouble...at least at the soul level? 

Sure, the mind is telling you that they are oh so important and that if you do not get  those needs that create external power  met you will be a failure.... but Michael Singer reminds us, in the video attachment below, that our mind is just a guest in our Life.  We do not have to listen to it. The mind is the thing telling us we have to exhaust ourselves spinning around on some hamster wheel in search of what we believe these artificial needs will get us...when the spinning doesn't get us anywhere but dizzy. 

Failure and success, according to Gary Zukav, are just concepts we have created as part of our illusion. It is not the way of the universe to look through the eyes of right or wrong, and  failure or success. We are not failures because we have yet to catch up with some external form of power we have been chasing after.  We are merely learners! Sure it is okay to achieve these things like the great promotion, the great income etc.  If Life throws such blessings your way...good for you.  Enjoy it. Rejoice in it. (If it is what you really want and in some way it serves your soul)  Just don't make it your number one priority in life....the thing you are putting all your energy towards because you think it will fulfill you.  

We have needs , yes , but their are needs that are worth pursuing and needs that are not. What we really, really want is to be genuinely peaceful and  happy, right? What you really, really need is to be loved and to love.  You really, really need to cultivate your spirit and align your personality with your soul.  That is what will bring you the peace you hunger for, not going after that Ferrari or that trophy wife.We need to stop wasting our time pursuing things that will not get us closer to that which we really need.

Both Singer and Zukav tell us in one way or another that in order to find that which will truly make living worthwhile, we have to stop listening so much to the mind/personality whose needs are so different than those of the soul/higher self /conscious awareness. We need to first of all be conscious and aware  of  what type of goals we are pursuing: outer world or inner world? Artificial or Authentic? those motivated by the need for external power? Or those motivated by the need for internal power? Ego/personality directed pursuits? or soul directed? If we find ourselves so busy seeking things "out there" that we have forgotten all about the "in here", we then have to ask where pursuing the artificial needs are taking us.  Once we realize how this is impacting our physical life by exhausting us, our emotional life by not fulfilling us and our spiritual life by adding to our karmic debt...then we might decide to get off the darn hamster wheel.  We might decide to  to perceive and pursue differently. 

We already have what we truly need.  The Universe ensures that. We just don't see it when we are running after those outer world things that take us anywhere but closer to soul. We need to make it a point to observe our neediness in action.  Take a detached step back and relax in the face of what the mind is doing  . Witness it as the conscious Self. ( Singer). Singer says to relax into it, Zukav says to detach from it...but the important thing to do is to be aware and  "see" what that mind of yours is doing. Become one step detached from it, and every time you are able to see it you will become more and more detached. (Zukav, pg 208) 

We need to realize that our artificial needs are really not that important.  Our spiritual evolution is.

All is well

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

Michael Singer/Sounds True (April 9,2022 ) Michael Singer Podcast: Stages of Evolution: The Continuum of Letting Go https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W23Qob0d6rA

Gems of Wisdom Picked Up From Others Today

 There is not one act in the Universe that is not compassionate. 

Gary Zukav, page 187

It is an opportunity for us as a species and individuals to choose differently, to choose otherwise, to choose this time to learn love through wisdom, to take the vertical path of clarity, of conscious growth and conscious life. 

Gary Zukav, page 192-193

The more Light, literally, the more en-Lightened that you are, the more you will chose different ways. 

Gary Zukav, page 194

Gary Zukav ( 1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

What would you like to do with your life if money was no object? 

Alan Watts

In the process of growth the Oak tree is not superior to the acorn. 

Alan Watts

Motivation Core ( April, 2022) Alan Watt's Advice Will Change Your Future. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pW6Zxv2ZrTQ

If we practice mindfulness to look deeply into  and cultivate insight into other people's notions and opinions...we would see them as just that ...notions and opinions, having no weight to knock us down.

Thich Nhat Hanh ( paraphrased) 

If we continue to follow the path of compassion, the path of humanity, we will develop confidence in our convictions and will be as stable as mountains against the  opinions of others. 

Thich Nhat Hanh ( paraphrased)

Plum Village (January 2015) How to Stop Looking For Other People's Approval/Thich Nhat Hanh Answers Questions https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqmY3bnyOXM

Presence will use you as a tool and something will flow through you into this dimension- a peaceful tool of transformation. 

Eckhart Tolle 

Eckhart Tolle (April 26, 2022) How to Tap into Creativity and Get Inspired . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mfg_-d-S5Vo

An Inspiration to Heal

 Seeking out, facing with courage, and bringing into the Light of consciousness that which is unconsciousness, and, therefore in a position of power over the personality, is what heals. 

Gary Zukav, page 186 

Blocked by the Unseen

Yesterday, we talked about our tendency to be mental hoarders. (Well "we" didn't speak about it...I rambled on about it lol.  Sometimes, in this new teaching platform I have adopted here for the sheer purpose of learning,  I feel like I am back in the classroom opening up a lecture.  Forgive me when some of that old habit energy resurfaces. ) Let me begin again...I, with this clump of flesh and overactive mind I call "Me", addressed the issue of how we often stuff  the emotional energy of events  inside us and how that energy can get covered up by the messy piles of the mind to the point we forget it is still there. So even when we turn around to face the mess in our minds we may not  see that there is a hidden issue  jamming up the flow of precious Life energy to us and through us, making us unwell in more ways than one. Because this hidden thing is unconscious, it has power over us.  We really need to draw it out into the Light so we can heal from it.

I have been feeling blocked lately, blocked in my writing, blocked in my ability to feel the degree of peace I long to feel in my present life circumstances and blocked in my ability to grow and expand beyond them.  The external appearance of my Life right now is just a reflection of this "blocked" feeling. "My life"  doesn't seem to be expanding because I am not.  

A Loosely Buried Trauma

I have been trying over the last few weeks to understand what that blocked energy is and where it is coming from. Today, after praying and asking for help to determine this, I  was  reminded of my health seeking journey. There is so much unprocessed stuff inside, so much pain, so much shame and a sense of being victimized.  I lost so much, suffered so much, all because of a very unfair assumption based on the unconscious needs of others to protect and preserve ego  and  what they thought as theirs. 

Around is Not Through

Though I can truly say that I believe all this happened for a reason , that it was leading me to a higher state of being and that I am so grateful for it...there is still a great deal of trauma to the personality that I have not processed through.  At the time...survival and caring for children who needed me was where my attention had to go.  On top of that there was one crisis after another that took me away.  I had no time to process all the  emotional energy related to this trauma...and yes I am going to call it a trauma.   (The fact that I cannot mention my heart condition now to someone without blushing in shame  or mention the name of certain doctors without cringing  and the fact  that I would rather go without eating than deal with an insurance company again...is an indication of just how much trauma there was). 

So much pain  and I couldn't just let it  flow through me at the time so it got jammed up inside.  I had to push away, stuff down, ignore, deny  and pretend it didn't bother me when it was in some subtle way actually killing me. I found a temporary way around it, I did, so I could find some semblance of peace and I am so grateful for that but for true healing to occur we need to go through suffering not around it. Pushing this aside and stuffing it down so I could get around it did not make it go away.  It is still there.  And as I begin to deal with the present events of my life now in a healthier way by opening the windows and allowing all that energy to just blow through as it comes in...the piles are getting smaller and this issue is coming up to the surface. It is on the top of the pile. I can hear a soft voice within me saying "It is time to deal with me now dear." 

An Inspiration For Healing

I am not saying this is the only reason for my blocks right now but it is the one  at the surface asking to be dealt with. I know what I have to do.  I had the inspiration so clear today.  In order to cope with some of the intensity of this when it first began I wrote a book about it ( well about some of it...I wrote it in the early phases of dealing with this issue).  It poured out of me in a couple of months, so needing to be told was this story...not for anybody else but for me.   It was okay by my standards, not great,  but I sent it out to a few publishers .  Though it didn't get published I got very, very encouraging and  personal notes back to continue trying to get this published.  I was told by publishers it was definitely a story that needed to get published and if they could they would publish it.  Well I was still dealing with this major issue at the time and  other life circumstances came in ...so trying harder to get this book published  got pushed aside.  ( I am not  a fan of the submission process) .

Well today I saw in my mind this book, which originally only covered a small part of the trauma, covering all of it, telling the whole story  and under a new name.  I saw it written much better than I wrote it originally .  Most importantly, I saw me releasing all this blocked energy onto the page as I rewrote it...healing with every word....seeking out, facing with courage and bringing to the Light of consciousness that which was unconscious. 

Maybe the reason why I had such a challenging time writing or rewriting anything else was because this story needed to be told first.  Before I could write  about or heal from other trauma, I had to process through this one.  Maybe...and I don't know...that under this trauma is another calling out for my attention on that pile.  Maybe my healing, my writing will require a top of the pile to the bottom of the pile type of cleansing. One thing at a time. 

I don't know...but it feels like the "right" direction to go in.  We will see.

All is well in my world. 

 It is the health of the soul that is the true purpose of the human experience.  Everything serves that. 

Gary Zukav, page 177

I just noticed that my readership is way down again and for some reason that relieves me. I am not sure why. It just does.  I was made aware of that December entry again where the poem was missing and replaced by another entry about spring. That left me a little unsettled and untrusting which is not a good feeling to hold onto.   So maybe the less readership the better.  More importantly, the smaller readership allows me to get back to who I am really writing for.  My soul.  Hmm!

All is well! 

Time For Some Mental Spring Cleaning

 If it is not happening outside, It isn't going to happen inside.

Michael Singer

Keeping it out 

What Michael Singer is saying in the above quote is that we need to make a commitment with ourselves not to allow events to get stuck inside us like we have a tendency to do. Our insides, he goes on to tell us in the below video attachment, are more than likely a real mess. Like hoarders who desperately need the services of Molly Maid we have collected , stored, stuffed and attempted to hide away all those experiences we didn't want to process through.  We also collected, claimed and clung to all those things (memories of pleasant events we want to relive etc)  that we thought would make our lives better...piling them up in corners until there was barely room to breathe.  Most of us now live in a real dump inside our heads.  

Who Made This Mess? 

It isn't pleasant and it isn't comfortable up there but there is no escaping it...where we go the mess follows. The last thing we want to do is add to that mess or make the discomfort any worse.  So we learn to react to the events taking place around us or seemingly to us.  To get by we look outside the dump we live in for pleasant things to distract us with, adding to the mess.  Then when we see disturbing things we do whatever we can to resist them entering our messy minds ...we push away with the over used defense mechanisms of denial, avoidance, repression and suppression ( just to name a few).  It seems that we are pushing them away to avoid more mess and discomfort  but all we are really doing is pushing them down away from our conscious awareness...we are throwing them into the piles of junk we are accumulating in the deeper recesses of our minds.  We are adding to the mess and the mind is getting more and more cramped and harder to be in. And do you know what we do then?  We blame Life for being so hard, for making such a mess of our minds...we judge and get angry at that person up there for driving too slow ( adding to the mess inside our heads) or that person for not agreeing with the way we do things (knocking over the piles in the corner making an even better mess) . 

Hmmm!  The outside world didn't make the mess and the outside world is not going to clean it up.  There is no Molly Maid in this world that would be willing to get up in that head of yours to clean up the mess you made and continue to make.  The only one responsible for that mess is you and the only one who can clean it up is you.  There is a little voice inside your head, isn't there, if you are truly honest with yourself you will admit that... maybe it sounds a bit like your mother telling you to clean up your room in the past and that voice is telling you to "Pick up the darn broom!  And clean up this mess!" 

If  we want to be able to breathe freely and lightly, if  we  want room to grow and expand, if we want to be comfortable in our own lives , undisturbed by whatever is going on "out there"  we need to take responsibility for the mess we made of our minds , however unintentionally, and clean it up.  

How do we do that? 

Cleaning It Up

Well Michael singer offers a few tips to help us :

• First , he says we need to recognize and take responsibility for the mess we have going on in our minds and the cause of it.  We need to see that what we have been doing: pushing away the unpleasant and clinging to the pleasant is what created the mess in the first place. 
• Then we have to turn around and face that mess.  When we do that we will see that what we thought we pushed away is piled up all over the place inside us. It didn't go anywhere. 
• Before we can start cleaning up the old stored stuff, however, we need to stop storing up more stuff.  We get rid of our hoarding tendencies by learning to deal with life events more effectively. We start, not with the big events or the ones that have been stuffed inside us for eons but with the smaller events that are occurring around us now.  We start with the  person driving too slow in front of us, the person at work who  doesn't agree with our ideas, the toe we  just stubbed. We watch how we  tend to react and decide to react differently.  
• Take control of our minds...instead of using up energy to turn this into a negative story, another pile to add to our overcrowded minds... we can re-frame the way we  look at it in a positive and constructive way. 

• Take a step away from the event ( even if it is just a mental one) , take a deep breath and observe and then we can begin again to handle it differently.
• Once an event is done and gone ...we do not want any remnants of it in our heads. What we  really want to do, is not push away life circumstance,  but just let it flow right through...open up to it.  Open up our front doors and a couple of windows...allow that event to blow right through and be gone.  And that is what it wants to do...the vibrational and emotional energy attached to an event  is just meant to blow through us. We open up to it through relaxation and breath awareness.  We do not cling to it through grasping or aversion. 
• Notice when we  get disturbed. Relax and let go back into the place that is noticing.  Ironically, that place that is noticing is as clean and tidy as can be...in fact it is empty and spacious. 
• What happens when we begin to respond rather than react to less than favorable circumstances is allow for the mess  inside to clean itself.  All the stored stuff will eventually make itself known before it too makes its way through the windows like a breeze in May and is gone.  

I don't know about you but it is time for me to do some spring cleaning.  

All is well. 

Michael Singer Podcast/ Sounds True ( April 23, 2022) Taking Care of Your Inner Environment . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teP3TS9fHNk

Words of Wisdom from Chapter 11

 The following are a collection of thoughts from Chapter 11, Relationships, I would like to share: 

Without commitment,you can not learn to see others as your soul sees them: as beautiful and powerful spirits of Light. page 147

Our present world is built on the energy of fear and doubt, (" fear of the physical environment and doubt that we fit naturally into it."), absence f faith in an afterlife, belief "that in this lifetime the only thing that insures power is what can be had and gained." , and a lack of humility and reverence for Life. Paraphrased from pages 148-149.

Your decision to evolve consciously through responsible choice contributes not only to your own evolution, but also to the evolution of all those aspects of humanity in which you participate. page 150

If you wish the world to become loving and compassionate , become loving and compassionate yourself .  If you wish to diminish fear in the world, diminish your own.  These are the gifts that you can give. page 150

The fear that exists between nations is a macrocosm of the fear that exists between individuals. page 150

What is in one is in the whole, and therefore, ultimately, each soul is responsible for the whole world. page 151

...the partnership that you both want requires two healthy and inwardly secure individuals. page 152

The true human condition in its perfect form has no secrets.  It does not hide, but exists in clear love.  page 152 

Even into the toughest moments of your work on feelings of insecurity you can be light and remind yourself that you are spirits who have taken on the physical experience and have far greater power than you are showing in that moment of weakness. page 153

You are related to every form of Life upon this planet and beyond. As your soul evolves, you move into greater awareness of the nature of that relationship, and the responsibilities that you assume.  page 154

The personality must also come to agree with what the soul has chosen. page 154

Authentic power is not gained by making choices that do not stretch you. page 157

The extent to which your light shines is the width and depth and breadth of your karmic influence.page 155

If he or she is able to transcend fear, to act out of courage, the whole of its group will benefit and each one, in his or her own life, will be suddenly more courageous, though they may not see how or why. page 158

The soul that was Hitler had great potential as well.  page 160

Every soul that agrees consciously to bring to a level of human interaction the love and compassion and wisdom that it acquired is trying through his or her own energy to challenge the fear pattern of the collective page 160

...as the quality of your consciousness reflects the clarity, humbleness, forgiveness, and love of authentic power, it touches more and more around you. page 161

I encourage to sit with those for a while. 

All is well. 

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

Not Complaining!

 The truly patient man[person] neither complains of his hard luck or desires to be pitied by others. He speaks of his sufferings in a natural, true and sincere way without murmuring, complaining or exaggerating them. 

St. Francis de Sales

Not Complaining

Before I begin today's thought, I want to say that by no means am I  regretting my experience as of late though it may certainly seem that I am complaining. Though I am far from there yet, my goal is to be truly patient.  It may have seemed like I was complaining yesterday, for example,  when I was saying how I had too many other things to "do" to allow for  a poem that wanted to come up.  It may have seemed that I was reactive, resentful and frustrated because others and life circumstance wouldn't let me write  but that is not what I meant.  Though it is a bit uncomfortable to not have the flow come out when it wants to...I made the choice to do other things. I absolutely love spending time with my grandchildren.   Every moment I have with them is just a joy....even if there is some notion of "doing" and "effort that comes with it, and even if I have to put aside my writing.   

Love the choices I make

I also love teaching yoga even when preparing for a class requires effort and it can get frustrating when the effort goes unrewarded by people not showing up. Has nothing to do with the income. I have no delusions about making a living teaching yoga, just as I don't have such a fantasy about making a living writing.  Not why I teach. I do not teach for money...it seems almost counter intuitive to  Don't get me wrong, I have a charge for each class...punch card system. ...but I probably offer more "free" classes than I do paid classes. I see yoga, like my writing here, as a gift I am meant to share. I will accept and appreciate  payment but I don't do either for payment. Anyway,  I spent a good portion of my morning before my grandchildren and student arrived cleaning and preparing my studio...which had to be done anyway...which is a positive thing.  Extra planning and effort was required in my goal of being able to teach a potentially larger class while my grand children were here. As it happened only one student showed and God Bless her...It ended up that my grandchildren would not go down for the naps I was so sure they would at that time...so I couldn't teach anyway.  She had an independent study day which she didn't seem to mind.  I did my practice later when my grand-kids were back with their parents. 

All about the Learning

And it may seem like I am complaining when I speak so often of this restlessness, worry and doubt I have been experiencing lately. It is not my intention to complain...only to understand where it is coming from and what it has to teach  me.  I know it is very significant and has some hidden gem of wisdom in it. I share my process of attempting to understand it because I see how valuable these things are to universal life learning. I am by no means saying that the restlessness, worry and doubt is "wrong" , "bad" or "shouldn't be".  I am actually grateful for it. Sure they are hindrances to enlightenment...but only if we remain unaware of them.  I am grateful because I am aware of them...they have become valuable learning directives that I want to explore.  The more I look into this experience, write about it, the more I can feel the tangle and knot they have created in my body and mind unraveling slowly, bit by bit.  I think that is amazing.

Anyway...it turned out to be a lovely day...and though it is not about the "doing" I got a lot "done"...without striving to. And it was fun.My grand daughter was fascinated with pine cones and spent hours collecting them from beneath the big trees in my yard and putting them in a bucket.  It was a joy to watch her experiencing so much joy over the simplest of things (Later that evening,  I was reminded of the significance of the pine cone...which I will speak about at another time). The house got semi-cleaned , at least. Meals were made and enjoyed. I finally got a shot of my three grandchildren together for my wall. And...I did meditate, and write even if I didn't do as much as I wanted to.  So I am happy!  

Not complaining! Just sharing. 

All is well. 

Awareness of Knots

As you bring to light, heal and release the deepest currents of negativity within you, you allow the energy of your soul to move directly into, and to shape, the experiences and events of physical reality, and thereby to accomplish unimpeded its tasks upon the Earth.  

Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul, page 146 

My tasks seem to be impeded .  This knot of restlessness and worry which covers the knot of doubt is in me for a reason.  I am tangled up in some emotion that got trapped in ego's web. I haven't processed the last few months and the events that were in them, the changes that have taken place. That is truly impinging on my writing.  It needs to be brought to light, healed and released.  I feel a poem coming up, I do.  That always helps me to untangle  such knots. It wants to come up...but as been the way lately...I have other things to "do" besides write.  My grand children are coming...I need to clean up and make the house safe for them.  I also have a yoga class at 130 and need to clean and rearrange my studio.  Sigh. The poem will have to wait.  I do hope I am not ticking off my muse. Will she wait patiently for me to return to her? I hope so.

All is well. 

Explaining the Meaning of a Poetic Passage

 O quiescent mind, twin of Prana, your cooling dew will chill the hot flowers of desire, and over all the universe shall be sweet peace. But should the mind become heated with the illusion of the world, then the hot breath of desire will sweep over the universe, like a great raging forest fire, leaving but ashes in its wake.

The Yoga Vasistha, location 927

Say What Crazy Lady? 

This text is full of eloquent poetry.  It really is.  As I read,  I stop at the passages of poetic imagery, and inhale it in as if it were a bouquet of fresh flowers showing up in the middle of barren landscape. ( That barren landscape being my transforming mind). I am so hungry, so thirsty for such beautiful expressions of truth. 

But as I read it out loud to others, they look at me and say, "Huh?  What the Fork are you talking about? " 

My ego wants to chirp in then, to go on and on with some intellectual explanation about what it means, with  some subconscious intention  to make "me" sound smarter and wiser than I am. Truth is,  as I read it, I don't "know", at first,  in a conceptual way what it means. I feel it and understand it at some deep level ...that is why I am pulled in to such passages ...just like we are when we read  great poetry.  It is like the heart says, "Stop!  Read this!  This is beautiful and wise!" And the mind, not liking the idea of being over shadowed by the heart, says "Okay let me explain it!"  But really...can we or "should" we explain it?

I had a minor in English Lit and I have written hundreds of  poetry analysis' in my university days, I am sure. I love poetry and certain poems just take my breath away but something always seemed to get lost when I had to explain them. To me poetry is simply soul to soul communication....not mind to mind. How can we use the mind to explain the soul?

Still I am going to do my best to explain this with "my" mind and with the diminishing tool of words.  

O quiescent mind

Speaking directly to the quiet, still peaceful mind.  "Quiescent" is the natural state of the mind before ego comes in and takes over making a mess of it with all its illusions. Most of the time, for most of us, because of ego,  the mind is chattering like a monkey. To return it to its natural state, to have it at the point where it is clear, calm and still requires  concentrated effort and skill, derived from committed practice.

twin of Prana,

This developed mind is so much like Prana...the vital Life force.  It has the potential to do great good. Ironically, this mind is often trained to return to peace through observing Prana ( breath). 

your cooling dew will chill the hot flowers of desire

Within us are the seeds for both the wholesome and unwholesome manifestation of thought, words and actions. When seeds from store conscious are allowed to grow  into our conscious minds and our lives, we can call them flowers. There  are seeds/potential flowers that are wholesome and seeds/potential  that are unwholesome.  Desire is considered to be unwholesome and has a negative Karmic effect on our lives if we allow it to grow randomly in our conscious minds and in our daily lives.It is the number one hindrance to achieving the quiescent mind....to maintaining a life of peace.   The flowers of desire, though seemingly beautiful and tempting,  are "hot" ...have the potential to cause great discomfort and unease.  They are flammable.  The developed  mind, however,  offers cooling dew to refresh and reduce the heat of desire...to  keep it contained.  

and over all the universe will be sweet peace.

Without desire (grasping, seeking, striving, clinging...the need for ego gratification)  , there is peace. Peace in the world begins with peace in the individual mind. 

But should the mind become heated with the illusion of the world

But if we allow ego to keep calling the shots...if we begin to believe what ego tells us...that the horizontal plane is all there is, that there is nothing beyond the body, personality and mind...that unless we can experience something with our five senses it isn't real...that we must search "out there" for our happiness: that we must seek, strive, cling and grasp for worldly things that are pleasant  and push away, avoid and run from things that are unpleasant...the mind, like an overworked machine that is working over time trying to meet our needs, can get overheated. 

then the hot breath of desire will sweep over the universe

The overactive, over heated, desiring mind does not offer cooling dew like the quiet, still mind does...it offers a hot fiery breath like a dragon's  that sweeps outward over the entire universe. ( the ripples of Karma)

like a great raging forest fire

And this takes over like a forest fire...burning and destroying.  Desire is so destructive as evident by what it leads to in this world: greed, unfair distribution of wealth, separation, crime, unwholesome relating, violence, war, the destruction and exploitation of Mother Earth. 

leaving but ashes in its wake. 

In our attempt to gain all with desire, we lose all.  In our attempts to grasp and cling, we are left holding nothing. Desire is an energy that does not bring us what we really, really want even though we are told that is its purpose. 

But that is just how I see this passage .  It held so much more beauty and meaning in it before I tried to explain it.

All is well. 

The Yoga Vasistha as translated by Rishi Singh Gherwal (2021) Kindle Edition 

A Sign

If your daily life seems poor, don't blame it; blame yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches; for the Creator, there is no poverty.

Rainer Maria Rilke

As you know  I have been asking for a sign. I have been  writing and oh so openly  addressing this restlessness and worry I have been carrying around with me for weeks now regarding my writing conundrum.  I told myself if I got a publication, it  would be a sign...a published poem, an even greater sign....a sign that yeah I should be writing.  So I sent out a few things a couple of weeks ago with little expectation or attachment to outcome. I prayed for support and  guidance.  Not so much because  I wanted a publication to appease my ego that is so all about puffing itself up and being seen as productive in society's eyes, but because I wanted to know if I was on the right path to fulfilling my purpose here at the deepest level. I want to do what soul wants, not what ego wants.  Does soul want me to write?  I think it does...I really do because it seems that it just comes out of me, especially the poetry.  There is something very special about writing poetry that goes beyond understanding. It is not something I do.  It is something that happens through me.  And I am not saying my poetry is good by any means nor is it bad...it just is what it is. 

Anyway...I got a publication in a lovely journal beside many wonderful poets.  Just to be on the same page as them fills me with pride. Oh Oh...is that an ego puffing up? lol . 

I got a sign, just soul saying, "I was trying to tell you that you were supposed to write but you wouldn't listen! Listen!" 

Anyway...I don't want ego to get in the way here. A poetry publication does not change the motivation by which I write.  I have to watch that old ego of mine...it can get as puffed up as a peacock. I don't want it to get ahead of itself.  

 I am grateful, very grateful to the publication and to anyone who reads what I write. 

Please read the amazing poets on this page.

http://www.soul-lit.com/

All is well.

No Cows

 As you follow your feelings, you become aware of the different parts of yourself, and the different things that they want.  You cannot have all of them at once because many of them conflict. When you satisfy one part of yourself, the needs of another go unsatisfied. ..When you enter these dynamics consciously, you create for yourself the ability to chose consciously among the forces within you, to chose where and how you will focus your energy.

  Gary Zukav

Less than 

I have been struggling a bit lately with a less than adequate income.  Well let me rephrase that...the less than adequate income is not the problem, what my mind does with it, is. When I am made aware of this horizontal world reality,  the inner restlessness and worry I have been carrying around with me over the last few weeks gets poked and aggravated. Most of that restlessness is due to some struggle I have with the different motivations I have for writing.  The Deeper Part of me wants me to write for the sheer joy of writing, to write for Soul.  It wants me to put aside any unskillful  "ideas" I have about the outer world fulfilling me with some type of reward.  It seeks intrinsic and higher level reinforcement. It is very pure and unconcerned with how I am going to pay the property tax in a few weeks. 

But, unfortunately,  that is not the only part of me. 

The ego in me, on the other hand, is very concerned about what I owe. It, being the way it is, wants safety, security and some type of control.  It  also  wants to be inflated by whatever I do, including writing.  It wants recognition and payment as a reward for my time and effort. This part of my personality is beginning to openly express its unhappiness over my choosing to write for purely intrinsic reasons, thus the worry, restlessness, frustration and physical symptoms I have been getting, thus the push and pressure to become known as a writer. It tells me to try harder  to be heard, to publish, to sell what I do. ...so that it doesn't have to worry about getting by, and also so  ego can get all puffed up and dressed up in the costume of a "successful writer".

This blocks my writing instead of helping it.  My writing comes from the deeper part of me, where motivation is anything but "earning"  centered. It is like a natural and beautiful flow of water.  This flow gets blocked by this self induced  pressure to publish and get paid for what I do.

Conflicting Parts: Horizontal or Vertical Direction

So the internal restlessness I have been experiencing has to do with conflicting parts of my personality: The part of me that really, really wants to awaken and be free of all this entanglement on the horizontal plane  and the part of me that doesn't want to leave the horizontal plane. This part of me that does not want to go deeper is still trying to convince me that I need to worry about the money.  I need to eat and keep my house!  I need to make more money  first. Then and only then...it says... happiness and fulfillment can be found on the superficial level of physicality.  It tells me if I work harder to get known as a writer than all my needs will be met and then some. When I work hard, however,  and there is no rewards to be seen...when I am shown, again and again,  how I am still operating under the poverty line...I feel that restlessness taking over. I know then that I am "reacting" to life circumstance in a less than healthy way and am adding to my Karmic debt.  This just makes the restlessness and worry increase.  It is a big, ugly  cycle. 

I don't know how to break the cycle because I do not know how to stop worrying about surviving .  There is no doubt about it I am heading in the vertical direction whether ego likes it or not.  I made up my mind. I want my writing motivation to be pure and intrinsic. That doesn't mean I won't still submit and accept publication and payment should it come my way ( I will obviously rejoice in it) ...but publication and payment cannot be why I write! So how then can I find peace with that?  How can I find peace with the idea that I may never be rewarded externally for what I choose to do; may never be free of this debt and may never have that financial security I once took for granted? 

Have You Seen My Cows?

As soon as I ask myself that question I am reminded of the Buddhist parable about the cows. One day when the Buddha was sitting in a field with his disciples, all of whom  had renounced all their earthly possessions and had taken vows to be poor, a frantic farmer ran past them.  Huffing and puffing, visibly very distressed, the farmer asked, "Have you seen my cows?  They ran off and I have already lost so much from my once very profitable farm.  I will be completely lost without these cows." The Buddha responded that they did not see his cows but pointed in a direction the farmer could look.  With that, the farmer , weeping and worried , ran off in that direction looking for his cows.  The Buddha then turned to his disciples and said , "Aren't you glad you have no cows?"

When we are operating on the horizontal plane, we are very attached to things like cows, to those things we assume are responsible for keeping our pain  at bay or for ensuring our pleasure, well at least our comfort.  The farmer was very attached to his cows. With them he felt a sense of safety and security. Without them he felt he would be lost.  Depending on these cows for his happiness and security meant he always had to be on guard, watching over them  and running after them when they ran off.  This created great stress in his life.  The monks on the other hand had nothing to lose.  They had no cows, they had no attachments or things to run after.  Their happiness, their peace of mind was not dependent on the unpredictable comings and goings of worldly things. 

 I still have a few cows in my pasture that I feel are running off but many more have already run off. With each cow ( worldly thing)  I lose, the lighter I become, the less I have to lose.  I can be grateful with the little I have ( which I know is more than many have) becasue it means the less I have to run after and worry about. I am so afraid of losing these few cows I have left but maybe I could be, like the monks, and renounce them too .  I mean I could emotionally renounce what I have left by simply letting go of my need to cling to it.

Replacing Skeptical Doubt with Trust

The hindrance to awakening that comes after restlessness and worry  is skeptical doubt.  If I could renounce my need to run after my writing and replace the doubt that I will not survive without my proverbial cows, with trust than I will not have restlessness or worry.   There will be nothing to be in conflict over. 

Sure, for now I still have a part of me that is chasing cows. I just have to remind myself that I can choose differently.  I do not need to cling or chase after anything. I don't need cows. The Universe will support me. Will the universe support me? Zukav tells us that if only 10 percent of our  personality  is heading down this vertical path, we will have full Universal support.  Once fully committed to that path it won't matter if we have cows or not. 

Well I think that is something to think about...don't you?

All is well.

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

 

Choosing Not to Resist the Light

 Only through responsible choice can you choose consciously to cultivate and nourish the needs of your soul, and to challenge and release the wants of your personality. ...It is the choice to follow the voice of your higher Self, your soul.

Gary Zukav, page 123

Hmmm!  I am still having these bouts of relentlessness and worry...still not completely aware of their roots...just feel them in my core, which happens to be the power chakra.  The location of this feeling in my body tells me I am feeling a loss of control of something.  On top of this restlessness and worry, I also feel a certain amount of frustration and dissatisfaction with what is...all this when I am reading about power when it comes to choice....each human being struggles so deeply with power: the lack of it, the acquisition of it, what it is really, how one should have it.  Underlying every crisis, emotional, spiritual, physical, and psychological is the issue of power. 

I am struggling with power, I guess.  Struggling with the power needed to carve out time in my day to do that which I am intending will bring me closer to my higher Self. I know that  when we are making the vertical path ( spiritual awakening) our chosen direction  we are heading toward empowerment.  Each and every step we take toward stillness, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, non judgement, peace, and Universal Love...what the Soul wants...we are empowering ourselves.  Every time we give into worldly pursuits and the wants of the personality we are dis-empowering self. I want to nourish and cultivate the needs of the soul, yet, I am still so tangled up in the world.  I am constantly being pulled , it seems, in the most innocent of ways away from my "planned  practice" each day and into worldly things.  For example, I find myself worried about money, serving society, being productive and doing enough. Part of me is  not satisfied with just being. Instead of solitude, another example, I am now surrounded by beings who seem to need me...and I love these beings and want to spend time with them and nurture them...but their needs and desires are  taking me from my daily practice. Lately, I find myself reacting to the interruptions with frustration and maybe even resentment. I still do what I set out to do but it isn't in a flow...and I sit to write much later in the day than I used to.  For some reason when I sit to write after noon...when I look at the clock and see how my morning has gone...that is when the restlessness and worry starts, the frustration, and whatever else I may be feeling. That obviously is a personality thing.  (Soul does not wear a watch)  I am obviously still attached to this world and all the things it claims is important.  Though a very big part of me wants to go vertical, another part of me is resisting going deeper and wants to find some form of safety and contentment on the horizontal plane. 

This awareness that I am restless, worried, frustrated and possibly resentful  is a very positive thing.  It is showing me that I am still tempted by the world.  I am still being pulled in but I have a choice.  We always have a choice...to follow the wants of the personality or the needs of the Soul. It is that dynamic through which each soul  is graciously offered the opportunity to challenge those parts of itself that resist Light. 

I have been resisting Light. I am going to ask for help not to do that anymore.

It is all good.

All is well in my world. 

Laughter, Anxiety and Writing

 The trembling of laughter is the trembling of anxiety seen through a different perspective.

Alan Watts 

Hmm!  I love laughing.  It is one of my most absolute favorite things to do.  I love being around people who have the ability to make me laugh. I seek out funny things and funny people.  My most cherished memories are those times I recall trembling with laughter. I have this feeling though that I have not "trembled" enough, I have not laughed enough, especially in the last decade or so.

Anxiety trembling , however, is something I am a bit too  familiar with and  definitely not as fond of.  Over the last week or so, I have been brewing with a very low level anxiety that I refer to as the hindrance of "restlessness and worry".  I mean there has been apparent reasons for it, there has been a lot of external chaos...wakes, and grieving people around me ( I pick up other people's emotions), the uncontained activity of babies and children (as beautiful as that is), holidays and big suppers, the ongoing connection to the suffering of others, reminders of my financial scarcity,  my own confusion as I continue to awaken, and my writing which seems all over the place.  It is when I sit down to write that I feel this restlessness brewing the most. I feel it in my core.  I feel it in my shoulders. I feel something up.

The Natural Flow Impeded

Writing for the most part for me is one of those activities that is very "easy" and "natural".  (Don't get me wrong...it can be very challenging, time consuming, effort inducing and crazy making too...especially when it comes to submitting or preparing something for publication) .  But when I am just writing for writing's sake it is like a beautiful flow of energy comes from some place deep inside me, moves  through my mind, my limbs like water and just pours onto the page or screen.  What I am writing right here and now, for example,  requires so little concentrated effort.  It is like it is happening to me, not something I am making happen.  Does that make sense? Writing is like laughter...it just ripples and waves and flows through me creating this great trembling of release. Once it starts I cannot stop it until it is spent.

When I sit to write, and instead of feeling the light, easy flow of laughter coming from me I feel the trembling of anxiety, I know there is something that needs to be explored.  So I am observing this "trembling" : recognizing it, allowing it, looking deeply into into and doing my best to nurture it and myself.  I call  it up from the basement where my conscious mind wants to keep it hidden...and ask it to sit here beside me.  I put my arm around it and say, "Hello , restlessness and worry. Though I would much rather be laughing,  I see you trying to get my attention,I feel you in my belly and my shoulders, I hear you in my mind but I am not sure what it is you want me to understand from your presence. Please tell me"  And I do my best to just sit and listen. 

What does this feeling of restlessness and worry have to say? 

This is what I imagine it has to say ( and no, I am not hearing voices lol):

• You have had a lot of external going ons and you are absorbing it.  Though you have grown so much in regards to your ability to respond rather than react to life circumstance, you may still be reacting with thought which leads to emotional reaction , if not with word or action.  Recognize that and don't beat yourself up for it.
• Are you still attached to expectation and outcome?  Are you expecting that you should not be reacting at this point and are you less than compassionate with yourself when you see that you are reacting to Life circumstance....that you are actually feeling restlessness and worry?   That's okay...go from here.  
• Are you attached to writing expectation and outcome?   Most of this anxiety seems to come when you sit down to write.You look to writing as if it were a Guru guiding you to peace and enlightenment. You expect to feel better with every page written , not more confused or restless.  Right now your Guru is trying to teach too many subjects at once, maybe? You have so many things you want to write or finish, so many things started, so many ideas. It is hard to find peace there.  It is hard to find solace when there is no clear path or direction to go with that.  Do you need to stream line your writing focus? Do you need to focus on writing more poetry or getting  some chap books together?  Do you write more articles and essays and get them out there?  Do you just focus on this blog? What about the books you are writing or have written?  A great deal of restlessness comes up when you sit down before this book you are revamping. You are not clear in what you want but at the same time you have these expectations of yourself being able to whip through the 300 pages with ease...turning them all around to make it more "reader friendly" than you assumed your original manuscript was. You keep meeting obstacles and the writing process isn't flowing the way you want it to flow...the way, you tell yourself, it "should" flow. That "should" is just expectation, a mind thing, and it is not skillful or wholesome... Do you think you actually need to revamp this book at all? Whatever you are experiencing in your writing just is...nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so.  Hamlet
• Hmm! Do you think your renewed desire for publication and getting your message out there is contributing to this attachment to outcome worry? Didn't this feeling get more intense when you told yourself a few weeks ago that is was time for more  publication? ...You had this idea you "needed"  to submit "something" for publication in all the genres you write in.   You put pressure on yourself for publication. 
• You have been feeling "scarcity" not only in income but in what you see as "writing success"?  You were questioning why this type of success has not yet manifested in your life...you have done both the external and inner work...why isn't it happening? This brings you back to the core belief of not being worthy of the abundance Life has.  You see it as punishment ...yet you are learning that this is not how Life operates.  So you are confused. Putting even more publishing pressure on yourself...not only to prove that you should be writing but also to prove  that you are not being punished by the universe. You are expecting publication to put an end to this core belief once and for all. 
• You were testing Life, weren't you? You wanted some sign that both your spiritual practice and your writing practice were leading you somewhere. So you told yourself that you, at least, had to try to get a publication. If you got a publication, it would be a sign to keep going. Even when you got a publication, was it enough?  You wanted more of a sign....and then another...and another. 
•  Do you need a sign to do what you love to do?  Think about that.  Do you need publication to validate that you should keep writing?  That you should keep up with your spiritual practice? Are you going to stop if you do not become more and more published? Why do you want publication?  
• What part of you is feeling "stress" when you sit here?  What part of you is feeling restlessness and worry?  It is obviously coming from the ego part of you.  It is a hindrance to you getting to where you want to go but it is also a wonderful opportunity for you you to see how your mind is behaving.  You are watering unhealthy seeds of expectation , attachment to outcome, judgement of self, skeptical doubt, outer world pursuits, ego gratification, etc. Use mindfulness and compassion to surround what you allowed to grow in your mind ...then water the seeds of non-judgement, equanimity,compassion, peace, awareness, acceptance of what is, enthusiasm for what you are doing, and patience instead. 
• Allow a healthier approach to  your writing naturally emerge with awareness and acceptance... allow patience, compassion and joy to emerge. 
• Understand what part of you is guiding that intention to write : The ego who wants to be known and saluted  as writer or the deeper you that does not see the "me" in this and wants what has come through you to be recognized? It is the deeper  you, right? Gently let go of ego intention and write what comes from the deeper you.
• Write ! Write ! Write!  Laugh!  Laugh!  Laugh!

Hmmm!  Well that was long winded and probably quite boring to read but that is what came out lol.  So I leave it up.

The point made is that though we laugh as often as we can, we need to salute restlessness and worry when it shows up.  Don't push it down...just recognize it, accept/allow it, look deeply into it and nurture Self and it when it shows up. With practice, before long, we will view anxiety and laughter in the same way...harmless and worthy of our attention.  The  trembling of anxiety and the trembling of laughter after all, come from  the same source...both have the potential of enhancing our lives. It is all  just energy... allow it to flow through. 

Big Questions

 Who am I and what is my real nature? 

The Yoga Vasistha

I have been reading the Vasistha and have come to see the universal truths shared in its words.  This question, of course, was the question asked by Maharishi in his Self-inquiry. When Emperor Bali seeks to know all from his guru he continues to ask other questions:

• What is the NOW?
• What is there BEYOND?
• What is THAT which is limited?
• Who am I who speaks?
• And YOU who hear? 
• What is this material universe? .

The answer he receives form his Guru is that ALL IS WISDOM! 

Hmm! 

All is well!

All is Wisdom

I tell you this, all the manifestations before us here are wrought of wisdom, the unmanifested is also wisdom. I, who speak , am wisdom, and you, who hear.  The entire universe is naught but all- full wisdom.  Take these conclusions, impress them upon the Reality of Wisdom.  If you can accept Reality, you will attain the Supreme state.  

The Yoga Vasistha, Location 831

Growing

 You are a product of the karma of your soul. The disposition, aptitudes, and attitudes you were born with serve the learning of your soul. As the soul learns the lessons it must learn to balance its energy, those characteristics become unnecessary, and are replaced by others.  This is how you grow. 

Gary Zukav, page 104

Intentions create our reality and until we are truly mindful of this we create our realities unconsciously. If we are operating in the Fear spectrum of human emotion: anger, vengeance, regret, resentment, guilt, shame, sorrow and despair etc we manifest from there. We feel  depleted, exhausted, down and negative.  Life may appear harsh, punitive and unfair. 

If we are operating from Love...the highest energy level...we are buoyant, radiant , light and joyful.  Life will appear so different to us. It may take us forever to realize this but eventually we come to see that love heals everything and love is all there is. 

We want to grow toward Love and we are constantly given the opportunities and experiences to do just that. 

All is well.

When you chose to respond to life's difficulties with compassion and Love instead of fear and doubt, you create a "Heaven on Earth"-you bring the aspects of a more balanced and harmonious level of reality into physical being. Page 113

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

Intention and Daily Duty

 

Are you able to do your daily duty without effort , or are you affected by it? 

Yoga Vasistha, Location 637

I am not quite sure what my "daily duties " are these days but I am obviously still affected by what I "do or "don't do". I feel a bit of a tightening in my gut...a bit of a tension in my shoulders as I sit here.  I had begun, like I tend to do each day, reading what was read over the  last 24 hours and that is when I noticed the tightening.  I had looked at the clock to see that it was already 1130 and realized the morning was over and I have yet to write a word. That is when the tightening became even more apparent.I felt restlessness and worry/regret and I want to explore why?

 I was about to proceed with the unconscious flow of energy that I usually flow with just because that is what "I do"....when the body started knocking at the door of my psyche  with  "Yahooo...hey you up there...is this really what you want to do...read what others read for the next 30 minutes?...By the time you finish, will you have any of that "inspiration" you sat down with still vibrating enough for you to heed it? You came here to write, to do the "soul's work" possibly...(if that is not too much of a stretch)....not to feed the ego, not to get lost once again in "desire". Be mindful of your intentions! Be mindful of your intentions!"  

I am feeling restless because my intentions seem to be conflict.

Hmmm! 

What are my intentions? 

Every experience, and every change in your experience reflects an intention. An intention is not only a desire.  It is the use of your will. Zukav, page 91

My morning passed so far with the greatest intentions.   I felt like I was sticking with the plan. My major intention, at this point of my life, is to awaken, to get to a higher level of understanding, to free myself of a need to run after that which I erroneously assume will make me happy  or to spend my days resisting that which I erroneously believe will make me suffer more. I want to be free of the mind's control.  I do not need to wrestle my poor mind to the ground and pin it down...but I want to be detached from the crazy things it does. I want to approach each moment without judgement, expectation and a need to know what will happen next! I want to see clearly that "I" am not what my mind does. So that is how I "intend" to start every morning...reflecting on this truth, examining my mind a little bit and detaching from the crazy things it does, pondering  words of wisdom that come  from other sources before turning inward to find that truth within myself ( past the level of mind activity). That is my morning in a nutshell...to do that I try to incorporate some Tai Chi (just recently back to doing five minutes a day), yoga: Sun Salutations, and some walking meditation.  Then I listen to some wise teachers on Youtube who, for some reason, I trust. I read. Right now I am rereading and doing my best to truly understand what Gary Zukav wrote about in, The Seat of the Soul.  For some reason, I feel compelled to simultaneously read, a translation of the Yoga Vasistha. trying to connect dots of wisdom. I don't swallow everything I take in without digesting it.  I let it brew inside me for a bit before I decide if it is something I will keep or let go of. Then I meditate. 

Seeking Harmony

Now, there really is nothing wrong with this...I am seeking harmony of the mind, aren't I? :

When harmony is established in the mind, it will naturally follow that one will want to do good deeds and read good books pertaining to the truth. 

The Yoga Vasistha ( Location 443)

That is how I pass most of my morning hours before coming here.  Lately it has just been taking more of my time. ...and I seem to be coming here later in the day. For some reason that unsettles me...and that may have more to do with my ego than my deeper motivation.  Ego still wants to be productive and "do"...measuring its success and failures by how much I get done in a day and how quickly and efficiently I get it done.  It does not know how to account for the first three hours of my day spent doing what others might consider, "nothing"...and wants to make up for it with some show of productive measurement.  If I come here and write something significant from all the "nothing" work I did in the morning, than that will turn that "nothing" into "something". (Well...so it likes to tell itself)  Sigh! 

Conflict of Intention

Still tangled up and that is what I felt in my belly and shoulders this morning...this sense of being tangled up in ego's web...still. I am still operating, at least partially, from  what Zukav would describe as a "splintered personality".A splintered personality experiences the circumstances within its life as more powerful than itself. page 92 I still have conflicting intentions, it seems.  What my spirit wants, ego/personality  is still not sure it wants? 

Intentions are powerful.  They set in motion processes that affect every aspect of our lives. What I do here every morning prior to writing is so important to me...so important to the deeper part of me, even if ego has yet to see its significance. I need to remind myself of that and to be constantly on guard , knowing that what I really, really want will only be found through the intention of being committed to my morning practice.  I intend freedom and awareness...I am committed to the practice. Someday, personality will be too. 

I am not sure if the restlessness I feel is totally due to this.  I will explore farther but for now I focus on my intentions.  

All is well.  

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

The Yoga Vasistha/Translated by Rishi Singh Gherwal (2021) Kindle Edition

Good Friday

 The dripping blood our only drink,

The bloody flesh our only food: 

In spite of which we like to think

That we are sound, substantial flesh and blood-

again, in spite of that, we call this Friday good. 

T.S. Eliot

I am sitting here on a rainy Good Friday. A distant voice from my past rings inside me saying, "You should be in church."  Today I am actually supposed to be at a funeral but becasue of this lingering COVID cough that doesn't seem to want to go away, I decided against it. But that is not the voice I am hearing when I am being reprimanded for not being at church. It is the voice of my parents, I am hearing,  the voice of all the nuns who taught me Catechism over the  years, the voice of my neighbors, my community, reminding me that it is Good Friday, the most sacred day on the Catholic calendar.  Though it is diminishing in its "guilt-driven" power over me, that voice will likely never go away. 

I grew up in a very strict Catholic household.  The Church was everything. (Yep...we didn't say "church", we grew up saying, The Church). On Good Friday we would go to the basilica  in the morning to say the stations of the cross...meaning we would walk around to 14 stone carvings,  each representing a moment in the Passion of the Christ, depicted as a scene on the wall.  At each station we were to recite a few practiced prayers, and then "think about" what Christ went through for our sins. We were to make at least three revolutions around the stations. ..before kneeling at the altar. Then we would leave the church, only to return again for the 3 PM service where the priests would pretty much act out the Passion of the Christ through a very long gospel. It was always such a sad and somber day, long and "boring" as a child. We were not allowed to play, not allowed to eat meat or to break fast until the fish we got to eat at supper. I remember that.  But it is also a day for gathering  round a good feed of fish and chips.

I don't go to church but I do eat fish. Fish on Good Friday became one of those traditions I held onto.  It is something we all look forward to every year but so do most of the people in my community, making the ability to get a good feed of fish and chips a challenge on this day.     My father would say I was selecting  the "easiest" traditions to adhere to and not doing what my conscience, my heart and soul wanted me to do.

Hmm!  I think my heart and soul are okay with just keeping this Good Friday ritual of  the fish ( well for now I am starting to feel the twinges of guilt for eating fish).  My conscience is pretty clear. The guilt that would plague me if I did not go to church, did not take part in the rituals and sacraments was once overwhelming.  I was also terrified, so sure I would be spending eternity in the place where no B-B Q is never necessary, every time I skipped out.  Though my original motivations for stepping away from the conditioning of my past was purely selfish and partially unconscious: I didn't want to bother.  It was so much work and it never made me feel better.  I also  hated the "guilt"...my motivations have changed. It doesn't suit my spiritual need anymore, purely personal.  

I have no battle  with the church...I see it as a collective energy needing to express its beliefs and connectedness through ritual and sacrament.  It definitely doesn't have the greatest history as an organized religion in as far as the damage that was done, and in which it may be still lacking accountability...but it does have its beauty and its goodness.  Many, many people within its congregation and clergy have nothing but pure compassion and Love in their hearts. Many find the peace and solace they need through the church. So I am not, by any means, calling down the church or organized religion in general. I am not suggesting that people should walk away from the religions and traditions of their past like I did.  (I didn't even really walk away, I just let it slip out of my grip...like beach sand through the gaps in my fingers.) At the same time, I encourage people to look deeply into and question everything.  When I did that...that is when I discovered a need for more.

I still very much love and do my best to adhere to the teachings of Christ. I just see so much similarity between what He taught and what other teachers taught.  I don't see that there is just  one faith or one church that is "right", making all other faiths "wrong". I can't think like that anymore.

So on this Good Friday, I may not walk up all the stairs of the Basilica.  I may not worship as a Catholic.  But I still pray and think of what Christ has done for us.  I have great reverence...and then I eat fish and chips.  Hmm!  

All is well in my world.  

Light of Consciousness

 By choosing your thoughts and by selecting what emotional currents you will release and which you will reinforce, you determine the quality of your Light. ...Light represents consciousness.

Gary Zukav , page 79

It is already 2PM and I am just tapping out my first few words here.  This is my daily priority yet I find it is being gently pushed more and more to the end of the day.  Most of my writing "ommpf" is usually drained out at this time of the day but this is more often becoming  the time I open my blog. So I sit here,now saying to myself, "Well I finally got here...What do I write about?" 

Light? 

I am reading Chapter Six of Zukav's book. The chapter is about  Light.  As I was reading this  morning I heard myself saying, "Man I wish this were all true.  I love what Zukav  says and it resonates with me.  It feels like it should be true." And I just slurp it all up like a chocolate milkshake through a straw. It does resonate with so many other teachings I have studied over the years...so, so many.  Most recently ACIM and the Yoga Vasistha and it have many connecting points.  They use different language, analogies and concepts as pointers but they do point in the same direction.

Going Vertical

Our goal in Life is to balance our soul with our personality by establishing and relying on our higher Self.  We want to remember who we really are beneath these bodies, minds  and personalities.  We want to stop putting all our energy and effort into controlling the horizontal world which is ego's illusion of the  physical world...and  take, instead,  the vertical road ...which is the spiritual road that will bring us home.  

The Non Physical

We are evolving from limited beings dependent on what the five senses provide to determine our reality, to beings that can sense a reality that is not picked up by our five senses. We are beings surrounded, Zukav and others tell us,  by other invisible beings that are here to teach us or here to guide us.  For many of us, it is next to impossible to even consider that this could be true because we only perceive and accept the world the five senses relay to us. If we cannot see it or hear it...it isn't "real".

I believe there is so much more out there that we cannot see and I have felt the compassionate hand  of some inexplicable "something" more than once at the small of my back guiding me forward.  I have felt wisdom from some great teacher being downloaded into me on more than one occasion as well. I cannot prove it but to date science has not been able to "disprove" it either. It is just a big "I don't know but maybe". 

It is a nice "maybe"  and I find myself praying, writing, speaking to, asking questions of,  and being grateful for this "maybe". 

Light Energy Within

All of us would agree, wouldn't we, that light exists?  We agree that there is a speed to light as well.  But all light is, according to science as well as to the Vasistha,  a reflection of that which sheds no light. Light is energy and when its frequency is slow enough we can see its reflection, this is physical light.  Soul light...that energy that comes from the soul in the form of creativity, compassion, gratitude, peace and love...operates in the same way as physical light but it is much, much  faster and too bright for the human eye to see. It is invisible but so much more powerful than even physical light. Too many of us are not operating at the radiant soul level because personality,which is a physical type of light,  operates in lower energy forms...with emotions like fear, anger, regret, shame, guilt, despair etc. If we are thinking thoughts that generate such low grade feelings we are not experiencing the higher frequencies we were meant to experience. 

We will stay in low energy frequencies, feeling emotionally down and sick until we recognize that there is another reality beyond what the five senses pick up.  Until we recognize there is a possible  higher frequency to operate under, until we consciously choose more life affirming thoughts and beliefs, so our emotional frequencies can radiate with Love, compassion, peace etc...e will not evolve to the higher level of Light radiation humans are heading toward.  We will not consciously recognize the teachers and guides that want to lead us there. Well that is what Zukav explains in the book. 

What do you think about all that? Even if you do not see the "light within" or believe that you have any "non-physical guides or teachers"  maybe you still believe there are levels to our consciousness and that the more conscious we are, the more aware and able we are to let go of  feelings and thoughts within us that are not wholesome and do not serve.  We need to mindfully and skillfully choose our thoughts and selectively water the feelings we want to turn into action and intention for the betterment of the world. We want to shine light not darkness out Life. 

All is well in my world. 

Gary Zukav ( 1989/2014)The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster 

The Final Question

 

The question, "Who am I?" , is really not meant to get an answer.  The question, "Who am I?"  is   meant to dissolve the questioner.

Ramana Maharishi 

Question 50: How does asking the question, "Who am I?", set us free?

Completion of a Project

Wow!  I did it...well my body and mind, together with many unseen and inexplicable variables,  did something that resulted in a completion of specified action. I completed the 50th video, answered the 50th  question.   

It...this meager achievement, if you want to call it that... really has little to do with "me" though it came from me in the form of intention and volition.  I said I was going to do it and I committed myself to the effort of doing it. That was "my" part (I hate saying "my" because we really want to grow away from those pronouns, don't we?) The rest of the process was just up to Life.  I was not and am still not attached to outcome.  My motive was very intrinsic...to learn what I am learning. Obviously, no ego was  involved, as evidenced  by the unedited, unpracticed imperfection of each video ...which was what I wanted.  I did not want ego to step into this and take over. It was not about getting anyone out there to like "me"....it was all about the assimilated learning.  What did I learn?  What can others learn from this? 

I said I was going to answer 50 questions as part of this strange experiment I underwent to test my own learning. I said I was going to pull a random question from a jar and answer it within ten minutes. I said I was going to post it ,"as is", without editing and revising.  I said each answer was going to be authentic coming off the cuff so I could see how much learning I actually assimilated on my journey so far. And I felt this compulsion to share it in hope that this learning could help others. That is what I did and what you find here. 

Very few will see these videos or go through the trouble of watching them.  There are so many other videos out there that are more attractive and of better quality... and there is actual teachers out there better suited to share this learning. I know that. Still I felt compelled to do this and I did. It is exactly as it is meant to be. 

What I give here, as I do with everything on this blog, with my writing in general, with all the forms of creativity I offer... is my True Self...my higher Self through a very imperfect form and mind. I believe that is what we are all meant to give. 

All is well

Get Off the Hamster Wheel

 Use every moment of your life to let go of whatever is trying to make you not let go.

Michael Singer

Many of us are caught on a hamster wheel, going round and round, in hope of  getting somewhere.  

Where do we hope to go?  

To a place we feel well, happy, peaceful or at least better than we feel at the moment. 

Is this wheel getting us there? No. 

What is the wheel? 

 It is our constant searching and striving  to appease the mind when it says "Go there, get that...that will make you happy...that will make it all better....Don't go there!  Don't do that!  You don't want that!  That will make you feel worse.  That will cause pain!  Avoid! Push away!"    It is the wheel of grasping, clinging desire; the wheel of stuffing, avoiding, resisting that we are on. So much effort, so much energy we expend on this ever revolving wheel and guess what? ...We are not getting closer to that place of wellness, peace and happiness, in fact we are not going anywhere.  We are just going around in circles,getting dizzy.  

Why can't we just get off?

We seem to be stuck on this wheel for many reasons.  Number one, something within us tells us that the wheel works in getting us to where we want to be.  Something convinces us that tomorrow...if we are really careful to push away the unpleasant and grasp for the pleasant, clinging to it with all our might when we get it...if we work really, really hard and run really, really fast ...then this wheel will take us there. We are conditioned to believe it works and that  it is the way to go.  It is what all hamsters do, right? Just look over at the dude in the next cage...he is going full tilt on his wheel...and the gal behind ya...she is going all out on hers.  We have come to believe that this is what we are supposed to be doing.

Number two, it is a habit.  We have been doing it for so long...it has become a piece of who we are.  Habit mind is operating here and habit mind seems to be in control. It may seem impossible to break this addiction. 

Number Three, we also don't always "want" to get off.  "What happens if I do not have the momentum of activity to distract with?" We may ask ourselves?  "I will have to sit with all those feelings I have stuffed and spent my life running  from!  Man, I don't want that. "

If the Hamster Could Only See the Futility of its Effort

Can you imagine yourself as a hamster on this wheel, a hamster that had the ability to think like a human? What would be the first thing you would do once you realized that this wheel was not getting you anywhere?  Would you get off? I would.  In fact, I did. After a few years  dealing with the dizziness-hangover  I am now pretty grounded.  I am a heck of a lot closer to reaching that state of wellness I am wanting.  I am more well than I have ever been.  I am also more peaceful and happy ( like authentically happy) than I have ever been. I feel like I am getting somewhere...well ...I am actually getting to  "no where", a nowhere   that does not involve a fruitless waste of precious energy and effort.  It is a "nowhere" because it cannot be found in the "out there" that  I spent most of my life travelling in, grasping for what I liked and pushing away what I didn't like. 

We can get off the wheel and we are better off when we do. Part of us knows this, part of us  really, really wants off.  The other part will do whatever it can to convince us not to get off.  Who do you think we should listen to?  The part that says, " keep going around in circles getting nowhere", or the part that says, "stop spinning, stop wasting your energy going nowhere, relax and settle in to what you really want because it is already here."   

That's the truth we can't see when we are constantly running for or running away: The wellness, peace and happiness we are hungering for are already inside us.  We don't need to go "out there" to find it.  In fact we can't find it out there.  As long as we are running on that wheel...we cannot relax.  If we cannot relax, we can't fall into the abundant beauty  of what is.

You are not a hamster! Get off the wheel and relax into the wellness, peace and happiness you deserve. 

All is well!

Sounds True/ Michael Singer ( March, 2022) Michael Singer Podcast: The Stages on the Spiritual Path-the continuum of Letting Go https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W23Qob0d6rA